Author's Note:

So, this chapter is all about Kenny. There is a bit of sexual content, so if you don't like it, Leave. Cuz it's here. REVIEW!

Chapter 10: I Need This

Kyle

I stared at him, he smirked at me. His bottom lip trembled, and I knew that he wanted to laugh really badly. Kenny? It was Kenny who had kissed me? Kenny who had saved me so many times from Cartman's attempts to break into my room and kill me? Who had saved Ike? It was Kenny? Poor, homeless, sexed up Kenny? That Kenny? I slept with a picture of him under my pillow? I told him I loved Mysterion! What? What? Was he right? Did I still love him now that I knew who he was? One look into his face told me what I needed to know. Yes. More than ever.

I scooted over to him, and wrapped my arms around his neck. He moaned audibly, and his arms encircled my waist. He was breathing fast.

"I'm sorry, Kyle." he said softly through the fabric of his hood. "I told you you wouldn't be able to deal with it."

"How long, Kenny?" I asked softly as I clung to him. "How long have you snuck into my room and stayed there? How long have you been Mysterion? Who else knows? How long have you felt this way?" I asked after a while.

"Since I became aware that Eric Fatass Cartman will do anything to get rid of you. Since I was nine. Since the day I spotted your curly red hair when your hat accidentally fell off in pre-school. Since the day that your mom, Ike and dad have shown me the only stable place I've ever stayed in." he said through his hood. "I don't know… or care… who else knows."

I reached up and took his hood off. Pulling it down, and exposing his face. The face that I now saw in such a different light. I unwrapped one of my arms from around his neck, and placed my hand on his cheek. His skin was smooth, and hot to the touch. I leaned into him and kissed his face gently. He shifted and moaned a little.

"K-K-Kyle?" he stammered. "Kyle?"

"Ken?" I asked softly as I stood up. I pulled him up with me, and he didn't resist. He and I half ran, half tripped up the stairs and into my room. I closed and locked the door, and I grabbed Kenny pulling him down on top of me. I felt his bulge crushing mine, and I moaned as I became extremely sensitive.

"Kyle?" he gasped. "I love you so much, Kyle. You have no idea."

"I guess I don't, do I?" I asked softly as I pulled his head down and our lips collided.

My first real kiss with Mysterion, had been with Kenny. I kissed him for the second time that day, and we both gasped and moaned. Again, his tongue gently pushed against my lower lip, and I moaned as I opened my mouth, and let him in. His tongue felt so good! I felt a new wonderful closeness as his weight pressed on top of me. He was moaning as he ground his hips into me, and held me tighter.

"Kenny?" I asked as he pulled his mouth away from mine. "Kenny?"

"Kyle." he said softly. "I need this, Kyle. Please! Please tell me you feel the same way. Kyle, I don't know what would happen to me if I was rejected one… more… fucking time!" he said as tears began to stream down his face.

Kenny McCormick had never been the one to express out right anger, sadness, or anguish at any time. Accept that time when Cartman had eaten all the skins off all the pieces of the Kentucky Fried Chicken that his mom brought for us once. But even then, he'd pulled himself together quickly enough. And he had his hood on. I started to realize how much I took for granted about my best friend. And Stan. How much we both took for granted about our best friend, Kenny. He was extremely unhappy, and he had to deal with that. He had to deal with that all by himself. Not once being able to have the right to a fair breakdown. Always having to have composure. Never being able to fall apart. If anyone deserved the right to break down every day, it was Kenny. Little did I know that this was only the tip of the ice berg. He had more to tell me, and in his own time, he'd do so.

"Kenny!" I whispered as my arms tightened around him. "I do! I love you back… Kenny. I love you… back." I said softly as he cried.

"Kyle, do you know what it's like, to have to deal with your alcoholic father, and mother? To be used as a punching bag? To have lit cigarettes put out on your bear skin? And that's just the beginning, Kyle!" he yelled pushing away from me, and standing up. He started pacing as he spoke with tears streaming from his beautiful broken Cerulean eyes.

"Ever since I can remember, my gut instinct has always told me to stay away from anything that may cause accidents. Matches, grand pianos, everything! But it's useless! No matter how hard I try, I always get hurt! And I always get killed! The fucking worst part is, that everyone around me royally fucks me over!" he shouted with intense pain in his voice. "You all laugh it off as if nothing happens! I get shot in hunting accidents, I get trampled by cows and ran over, I get burned, my head gets separated from my body! All that happens afterward, is, "Oh, my geeod! They killed Kenny! You bastards!" Then, you laugh, and leave! You don't even watch to see if my body gets picked at, or further mutilated! You just leave! And I'm back the next day, and it's always, "Oh, hey, Kenny!" And everyone's going on as if the day before, they had never witnessed me die! Ever!

"Let's go over two of my worst deaths, Kyle!" he sobbed falling into a heap on the floor. "First, there was the one where I got muscular dystrophy! I thought I just had a cold! It steadily became worse, and before I knew it, I was in the hospital! You guys didn't give a fucking shit about me! Kenny's in the hospital, and we'll just pray and hope that he gets better! Stan didn't even go see me! Again, I got royally fucked by my best… friends!" he yelled.

"I was there, K-"

"Shut the fuck up!" he yelled standing up and punching the bean bag chair that was in the corner of my room. "Fuck you! Shut up, Kyle Broflovski! Let me talk! It's my turn!" he yelled so loudly that I jumped as I lay there still as stone. "I knew it was really bad because the Make A Wish Foundation came in! How the hell was I gonna die, and mom and dad were gonna be left with a hospital bill bigger than me? It was the most painful death I've ever experienced. It took so long for me to be revived because something happened to my life force that day. I was gone for six whole months! Yet you guys treated it like a game! You guys couldn't stay, Kyle, Stan, and Cartman. No, you needed a fourth person in your group! You had to make a game out of it, and try to find a replacement for me! Because that's what it was, Kyle! A replacement! You really didn't care who ended up in your little gang! It was a replacement. I saw you guys try to dress Butters up in my old clothing. I saw how you called him Kenny. I fucking hated you guys! The most painful death in my life, and you guys didn't mourn me but a minute!

"Then, there was the time I had been playing a game with you guys. Just a game! A mindless, not accident prone game. And somehow, I got killed, and sent to heaven! Even your precious God mocked me then!" he yelled through a terrible sob. "He made a game out of my life! You guys kept me alive with a fucking feeding tube! Kyle, do you know what it's like? To lay in a hospital ward with no control over your own life? You can't eat, drink, talk! And Cartman and you guys are standing over me saying all these outrageous things, but I can't defend myself? It was funny to see Kenny, the Tomato! Then, dying, finally reaching heaven, winning the battle between Satan and God, and having to return to this forsaken pit of hell!" he yelled as he sobbed violently.

"And I told you guys my secret when you all were nine. When Cartman decided that it was his duty to become a faggy Coon, and take crime doing into his own hands! You all made fun of my costume, and everything, and you all made fun of Cartman. Then, you all became heroes, and we all took up sides. I told you guys that I had this power, and you all said, "Not fair, Kenny, you can't not die!" But it's like… it wasn't my fucking choice! I have that p-power! It's r-real! I… c-can't… f-fucking… die! You even said it yourself, you son of a bitch!" he yelled. "You told me what the big deal was! Why wouldn't anyone wanna have a power like mine? That was the biggest slap in the face! Then, there was the one time I got killed at Cartman's theme park!" he sobbed as he fell to his knees. "Cartman fucked up about this whole not letting people in, instead of paying attention to his friend's death! No one cared that Kenny got killed, because Cartman wouldn't let you all into his park! You guys never once stopped to think about the fact that Kenny McCormick got killed! Not once!

"Then, there's my family. I always get stuck with the worst parents ever! It would be great if I had this power, and had the ability to choose which family I ended up in! But no! I always have to come back! And I always get stuck with the worst parents in the world! I got the blunt of my dad's anger, because I don't wanna see my mom get hurt! Or Karen. Kevin was the one who went on and moved out and did something with himself! Now, because he's gone, dad has no source of income left! Where do they all turn? Kenny! Kenny, you have to whore yourself to everyone in town, and keep us alive, Kenny! Make sure your sister doesn't get raped by your dad, Kenny! Share, Kenny, Share!" Kenny was almost having trouble through his sobs.

"I'm the money of the family, the brains, the sanity! Because Kenny can't have any emotions! Because he can't fall apart like normal people can! He doesn't have the chance! He always has to watch out for Karen, Kyle, his mom! No one realizes that Kenny has emotions! That he needs to be able to be given the fair right to a speedy break down!" he yelled as he knelt there crying. "But no! Kenny always gets to be the peace keeper! The problem solver. The symbol this town needs!" he said smirking.

"My rep in school is the school's whore. The school's sex toy. But man, I have limits. And I have feelings. And I am in love with one person. I don't fucking like what I was forced into." he said quieting down. "I need to be able to fall apart. To be able to cry with someone! Not just have to handle every damn thing that comes my way! I died a few days ago for you!" he sobbed. "Yet no one noticed, and no one cares about the real Kenny… McCormick. No one gives a damn."

Tears streamed down into my hair as I lay there, crying. It seemed Kenny had finally run out of things to say. It seemed like he'd finally run out of steam. And yet, what he said was true. No one really ever gave the poor boy a chance to fall apart and break down. No one really ever seemed to be able to get him to, though. Because he always seemed to want to fix things for the other person. I got up, and got off my bed. I slid over to my broken friend, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I pressed myself close to him, and held him tight. Kenny stopped breathing at that moment, and shook so violently. It was one of those sobs that made you stop breathing, and unable to breathe in for quite some time until that sob was let out. Ken cried into my shoulder as I held him. He shook, and moaned, and tears streamed down his anguished face. For the first time in his life, Kenny was showing the strains of his life's worries. He had managed to fall flat apart. And I wasn't going to stop him.

"I n-need this, K-Kyle!" he sobbed. "So-so much!" he moaned. "I've been praying for a chance to fall apart like this for so long!" he moaned. "For someone to just listen to me! Not to try and f-fix shit for me, but just listen! The gods blessed me." he said smiling for the first time in a bit. "It just so happens I fell to pieces in my Jew's arms." he said smiling.

"So, you meant what you said?" I asked softly. "About me?"

"Yes, K-Kyle. And right now, I n-need you the most. Don't push away, Kyle! Please!" he sobbed as fresh tears filled his eyes. "Kyle, do you know what it's like to be surrounded by so many people who offer you p-places to stay? Food to eat? And yet you f-feel so alone? You feel like you're looking on the town from a distance, and you can't find one person who can relate to you!" he moaned. "Kyle!" he pleaded. "Oh, Kyle!"

At that point, there was a knock at my door.

"Who is it?" Kenny yelled into the silence.

"It's Ike." Ike said into the door. "Just wanted to let you both know I'm in the house!"

"Can't you see I'm falling apart here?" he yelled. "The next person who comes near this door gets it!" he bellowed standing up. "I'm about to bust a nut here!"

"K-Kenny, man, I'm sorry." Ike said simply. "It's about time, though. I'll be in my room."

Kenny flopped himself down on my bed, and closed his streaming eyes. I heard him stop breathing again and the sob escaped his lips making me wince. I wished so much that I could help him. So badly. I got up and went to lay down beside him. He took my hand in his, and held it tightly. I pressed the back of my best friend's hand to my cheek. He lay there crying into my pillow. He started talking/venting again.

"It's not like I can just leave my home, Kyle. Who'd look out for Karol? Who'd look out for Stuart and Karen? Who'd put out their fucking cigarettes when they fall asleep with lit ones in their hands. Who's gonna make sure Karen doesn't kill herself? People always see me and ask if they can call social services. But it's always like, why? So Karen and I can go to foster homes and get split up? I love Karen! So my mom and dad can go to jail? Not only will I get to spend time with foster family, but I'll be made fun of it more! As if I don't have enough to be made fun of for already! What if Karen ends up in the wrong place? Treated worse than she is now? Because if you really think about it, Karen is treated nothing like me!" he sobbed. "Who the hell sits at their friends' lunch table waiting for someone to shove food his way? Who the hell gets treated like a fucking kid around town by the grown ass people of this shit hole? Me! Because I can't get my own fucking food, and stay at my own fucking house. It's always been you and Stan. I've always been the third wheel. Always. Ever since I can remember. You guys always see me, and say, "Oh, hi Kenny! We thought you were dead!" And you don't fucking know how right you are, you fucker!" he shouts at the top of his lungs. "If I could just kill myself! But nuho! Killing myself makes me come back! God, you guys are so fucking insensitive!" he bellowed. "I can't take it anymore!"

Kenny made one swift move and I grabbed him by the collar. He was aiming to the window.

"What would doing this do now, Kenny?" I sobbed with him. "What would trying to kill yourself do to you now? You think because you told one person, you'll be able to die and stay dead?" I asked.

"I don't care!" he yelled as he kicked out at the wall. "I don't give… one… flying… fuck!" he sobbed. "Fuck everything! I don't care anymore!"

And with that, he collapsed on to the bed, and renewed his sobs. I wiped my own tears, grabbed my phone, and texted Stan. Hey, dude. Kenny fell apart. Send. I got a reply within forty seconds. Finally. Don't stop him, either.

"I have to go make sure Ike's okay." I said softly. "I swear, Ken, I'll be back."

He didn't answer. He just pulled his hood up covering himself and cried as I left the room. I walked across the hall and into my brother's room. Ike was sitting on the bed, pretending to read. He took a deep breath, and looked up at me. He bit his lower lip, and stared at a point behind my shoulder.

"Is he okay?" Ike whispered. "Is he going to be okay?"

"I think so." I said softly. "Ike?" I asked seriously. "What if I was gay?"

"Then, mom, dad, and I would say, it's about time you found out."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. Mom and dad and I know about that. I mean, look at the way you are."

"God dammit would everyone quit saying that?" I whispered blushing. "Am I that obvious?"

"Yep. Anyway, I'm sure mom and dad would be glad to have Kenny as part of the family. After all, Stu and dad used to be best friends."

"And you?" I asked tentatively.

"Me? What about me?"

"What do you think about me?" I asked. For some reason, my family's approval was important to me.

"Kyle, I'm your little brother. I can't think about you." he said smiling.

"But you're a fucking genius. You know more than even me. Your IQ is off the charts." I said sighing.

"Kyle, I know I'm not your real brother." he said standing up and coming over to me. "But I'd be damned if I threw away an opportunity to tell you how much I love you, and how proud of you I am. I'd be damned if I threw away an opportunity to say thank you to Sheila and Gerald for taking me in. I may be adopted, but I do feel like part of this family. And I am very proud of all you've been able to do. Kyle, you are weak in some ways. But I love to see you fight, and so does everyone else around you. And if Kenny tries to do shit for you, or Stan, give them a break, okay? They love you. Kenny… loves you." he said seriously.

Ike and I stepped forward, and hugged. He kissed my cheek, and I did the same. He gave me a fatherly smile, and squeezed me.

"I love you, Kyle." he said smiling. "Wait a bit before you go back in there. Kenny needs this for himself."

"But am I not supposed to be in there with him?" I asked confused.

"Go open the door. If he's sleeping, leave. If not, go and comfort him." Ike said gently.

Author's Note:

That was intense.