Love, Mum
by Special Fred
Author's Note:
Oh my gosh, you guys! Thank you so, so much for reading and reviewing! 141 hits and 6 reviews—I'm so excited I'm literally squirming in my seat. I hadn't planned on posting this til next week, but reading your reviews energized me enough to put off studying for a few hours to edit/post it now.
To everyone who reviewed, I'm so, so grateful to you! I really appreciate you taking the time to do that—it made my day every time I saw a new review in my inbox. I must admit that even after all your kind and encouraging words, I'm a little nervous about posting this. I want so badly to do justice to Lily and this story idea. I'd hate to disappoint you guys, especially now that I know there really are people reading this!
And now an important note to my one anonymous reviewer named Sabrina: if you're reading this, thank you for reviewing! I wish I could reply to you properly, but you weren't signed in so I couldn't. However, I wanted to respond to your concrit (which was much appreciated, by the way) so badly I created a "blog" of sorts where I could reply to anonymous reviews. So please go to fredsreviewresponses . blogspot . com (remove the spaces, of course) to read your reply.
Even if you aren't Sabrina but are a curious reader, you can still go to the site listed above and read the reply. Actually, I'd recommend going and reading paragraph 5 (the one that starts "What I really want to do…") because I talk a bit about how I'm going to portray Lily and where I want this story to go. Paragraph 4 is also pretty relevant to that, if you're curious. So if you're planning to stick with this story, you should go read it. You certainly don't have to, but it might explain a few of the discrepancies between my Lily and the Lily presented in canon.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything related to Harry Potter except a poster on my wall. It all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling and various movie people. So don't sue, thanks!
WARNING: Slight swearing in this. No f-bombs, but still some bad words that could potentially offend the more sensitive among you. I don't know if this really merits a warning, but I figured better safe than sorry.
And… on with the story! (I'm sorry it's so short. Future letters should be longer, hopefully.)
The First Letter:
Introductions and Worries
Thursday, November 15, 1979
Dear Baby,
Erm, hello. I'm your mum. I'm Lily Potter, your mother. Just writing those words down and seeing them on paper gives me such a thrill. I only found out I was pregnant a few hours ago, you see, and the thought of being a mother is still new to me. I can't sleep, so I snuck out of the bedroom and came down here to make a cup of tea. Should I drink tea? I can't remember if caffeine is good or bad during pregnancy… I need to remember to ask Healer Tonks about that when I go tomorrow.
I can't sleep because of you. It's ridiculous, losing sleep already when I just found out about you. I know there will be so many nights, especially after you're born, when I'm going to be ready to kill for an uninterrupted night's rest, but I can't help it. I've got a little life growing inside me. The home pregnancy charm indicated that I was about two weeks along, which means right now you're just a little blastocyst. I know, big word for such a small development. And you might be wondering why I know the term? I'm studying to be a Healer. I'm in my second year of training and schooling, so don't be surprised to hear a lot of technical words in my letters. I hope you're not reading this until you're much older, so you can understand it all. Actually, I hope you're not reading this at all, which would mean James and I have survived and—
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Right now you're just a tiny, tiny little growth. It's hard to believe that in about nine months, give or take a few weeks, you're going to be a big, beautiful baby that I can hold in my arms. That's why I'm up right now. The thought of having a child… I'm not going to lie, it scares me. Even if we weren't in the middle of a war and this were the best possible time to bring a new life into the world, I'd still be scared shitless because I'm nineteen years old and I have no idea how to be a mother. And God, James as a father? I just can't see it. He's matured a lot since Hogwarts, I'll admit it—you can't even tell he's the same person as the sixteen-year-old bully I used to hate. That's a good thing, otherwise I never would have married him and I wouldn't be sitting here now writing a letter to my future son or daughter. That still doesn't mean I can see him as a dad.
Even if we have matured, even if we're now fully responsible and independent adults, what do we know about raising a child? Look at Tuney and Vernon—they found out last month that she's pregnant and even though they're adults, too, and several years older than James and I, they're still the last people on earth I would put in charge of a child. I don't know. I'm getting myself all worked up already, and that wasn't the point of this letter.
No matter how much I might wish it otherwise, the wizarding world is smack in the middle of the biggest war since Gellert Grindelwald decided to subdue all non-magical beings, but this time, it's bigger and worse. This time, an evil bastard who calls himself Lord Voldemort has decided to take over Magical Britain (to start) and kill all Muggles and Muggleborns, which includes yours truly. James and I are part of a force called the Order of the Phoenix, headed by Albus Dumbledore and Alastor Moody. We're all fighting against Voldemort, and it's hard. There's a very real chance that James and I and our friends won't survive it. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure we do, but still… there's a chance we won't.
In an ideal world, the Order of the Phoenix will subdue the Death Eaters and take down Voldemort and end the war. The world will be a peaceful place and you will grow up happy and safe. But I realize that we don't live in an ideal world, and there's not always a happy ending to every story. The reality is, you might grow up without your parents. And as hard as that thought is for me to write down, it's not just something I can ignore, which brings me around to why I'm writing this letter.
Mostly, I'm writing this right now as a form of therapy, to calm myself and my nerves down. But if something happens, I want you to be able to read this and maybe draw some comfort from it. Maybe you'll read this and understand a bit more about what my (our) situation is like right now. James and I are going to have to make a lot of big decisions, both with you and with our own lives. I hope we make the right ones, but if we don't, I want you to understand that we're only human and we're going to try our best to make your life a safe and happy one. I hope you can understand that.
It's already one in the morning, and I think I'll stop this letter here and go to bed. There's so much more I want to tell you, but I need to think and absorb it a little bit more. There will be time later to tell you everything I want to.
So goodnight, for now.
Love,
Lily (your mum)
tbc in Letter # 2: Explanations and Telling James