16-
Blair broke down another box expertly and added it to the pile for housekeeping to clear the next day. All her months of running a café made this task surprisingly effortless in a way she never could have imagined before. The last box in her pile was a smaller one that Cyrus had given her before he'd left the day before as she was packing up her belongings for the movers. He hadn't told her what was in it. She figured it was something for the twins. She opened up the top and cleared away the top layers of tissue paper. Picking the first item up, she gasped in surprise.
"Blair, did Nate and Serena- Blair," Chuck trailed off as he took in the expression on her face as he got closer to her. "What is it?"
"I finally got to the box Cyrus gave me," Blair explained as she wiped a tear away.
"What was in it," he asked as he caressed her shoulder softly feeling that she needed the comfort.
"This, for starters," Blair handed the picture over.
"Is that you and your mom," he inquired as he looked to the younger version of Eleanor holding a tiny infant in her arms with a proud smile on her face.
"Yes," Blair nodded. "That's the day I was born."
"She looks happy," Chuck sat down beside her as he studied the image in her hand a little more closely. He could see Sabrina in both of the women in the picture and it made him smile. "You look adorable."
"Chuck, I look like a squished meatball," Blair responded as she wrinkled her nose.
"You're adorable," he repeated as he trailed a finger down her cheek softly. "We should put this up next to the picture of the twins that Serena gave me."
Blair nodded.
"Was there anything else in the box," he asked.
"I don't know. I had just opened it when you came in," Blair said reaching into it again. She pulled out a small box this time. Opening it up, she smiled a little, "I didn't realize she still had this. I would've thought she'd given it back."
"Given what back?"
Blair turned the box towards Chuck, "It's the engagement ring my dad gave her when he proposed. I think it was my great grandmother's."
"It's beautiful," he replied as he examined the gems of the ring. He vaguely remembered Eleanor wearing it, but it had been so many years that he'd forgotten the design.
Blair smiled, "Yes, it is. I think I'll save it for Sebastian, in case he wants to use it when he finds the girl he wants to marry. Unless you want to give him the ring your dad gave your mom."
"I don't know where it is," he frowned.
"Lily might," Blair suggested as she pulled the ring back towards her and traced the setting with a gentle finger. "I packed up their wedding album the other day. I found it in the back of my mom's office closet. I always thought she threw it out after the divorce."
"Your mom kept things that were important," Chuck put the picture of her and her mother down.
"Yeah, I guess she did," Blair's eyes trailed over to the picture. "I wonder where that was. I don't ever remember seeing it."
"It was probably in her room where she could see it every day. It's a private memory that she wouldn't want to share."
Blair nodded and snapped the ring box closed. She set it on the coffee table and pulled out the last item. She peeked into the box and said, "This is the last one."
She removed the tissue paper from around the object and put her hand over her mouth.
"Blair?"
Blair took her hand away, "I think I was nine. It was the first time my mom ever deemed me old enough to accompany her."
"Accompany her where," Chuck was confused.
Blair showed him the picture, "To one of her fashion shows. It was the first time I ever really felt included in her life beyond being her daughter."
"You look so cute," Chuck took the picture from her and admired the Eleanor original she was wearing. "I remember hearing you telling Serena about all the clothes you saw and how the models looked like stick figures."
"Yes, well anorexia is a disease, not a fashion statement," Blair tilted her head to look at the picture Chuck was holding. "She left her company to me."
"Yes, Cyrus told me. He also said you wanted his help in selling it."
"My mom loved what she did. I don't have the same passion for designing clothes that she did."
"So, you're going to sell it," he frowned.
"I like my café. I like reading the books we get and letting some unknown author sell his work that he had printed at some little obscure printing house. I love listening to music all day and seeing the looks on people's faces when I tell them I know Rufus Humphrey. I leave Dan being his son out of it. I don't want to start a mob scene," Blair smiled. "I like experimenting with recipes and seeing what comes out good and what should be considered a science experiment gone horribly wrong."
"Are you sure you want to sell your mother's company right away?" Chuck inquired. "I don't want you doing something you might regret down the road. You're still very much in mourning. You may think differently a few months or years down the road."
"What is the alternative?" Blair asked curiously. "If I keep it, the company shrivels and dies. If I sell it, perhaps Eleanor's legacy could be passed on to someone else with the same passion."
"Bass Industries has a fashion wing. Let me buy you out. If you change your mind down the road, I promise to hand it back to you at a more than fair price."
"You'd do that for me," Blair smiled as she looked at him with her eyes shining with tears.
"Don't you know by now that I'd do anything for you," he told her as he caressed her cheek softly.
"Chuck, thank you," Blair smiled softly and she gave him a hug. She pulled back and leaned in to kiss his cheek at the exact moment Chuck turned to look at her. Their lips met and lingered.
Chuck held himself back, but it was Blair that deepened the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
Suddenly the alarm bells went off in her head and she pulled away.
"Oh God," Blair said rubbing her hand over her face as she felt herself flush in embarassment. "Oh God."
"I'm sorry," Chuck said immediately.
"No, it's me," she responded quickly, "It's too fast. I need more time."
"I don't ever want to push," Chuck told her as he caressed her side softly to assure her that he was okay with them stopping.
Blair stopped panicking and looked at him with a small smile on her lips, "You're still that guy, aren't you?"
"What guy?"
"The one who asked if I was sure the first time we slept together."
"I try to be," he replied as he caressed her chin softly before he felt the need to add, "Only with you."
Blair smiled at him and then looked around at the familiar surroundings of his penthouse, "I never thought I'd be back here."
"Bad memories?" he frowned.
"Not all of them," Blair said. "Some of them were very happy."
"Are you hungry? I can call down for dinner," he suggested as he looked for a way to change the subject.
"You asking because you haven't seen me eat yet today?"
"I'm asking because I know how much you used to enjoy the kitchen's creations," he chuckled lightly, "Unless your palate has changed during your time away."
"No, it hasn't changed all that much," Blair smiled. "But make it something fast okay? I'm feeling a little sleepy. It's been a long day."
"Fast it is," he nodded as he picked up his direct connection to the kitchen and ordered her favorite.
"I'm going to go see how the children are settling into their room," Blair told him as she kissed his cheek lightly.
Chuck's eyes slid closed at the brief contact and he nodded slightly before his eyes opened to watch Blair walk away.
"What do you think of your new home?" Blair cooed as she strolled into the children's room to see them looking around at their lavishly furnished new room. Even on short notice, Chuck had tricked out their room with the best of everything. It was well past their bedtime, and they should have been sound asleep by now, but the excitement of their surroundings was keeping them awake.
Sebastian looked up at her with hopeful eyes. Blair had to smile at how much he looked like Chuck when he wanted something. She could only imagine what Sebastian would use that look to get in the future.
She rubbed her temples and decided to change her line of thinking. Wondering what Sebastian would use that look to get in the future was giving her the beginnings of a headache.
"Daddy is spoiling you, isn't he," she chuckled as she eyed the Egyptian cotton sheets they were laying on. "I'm going to do my best to make sure you're not spoiled rotten."
"You won't succeed," Chuck replied as he strolled into the room behind her. "They will have the best of everything, including their parents."
"Normal, Chuck," Blair replied. "I was going to raise them normally. I wasn't going to do what Eleanor and Bart did. They are going to be down to earth and unspoiled children."
"I'll try to restrain myself," he offered, knowing full well he wouldn't succeed.
"You're going to give them everything they ask for, aren't you," Blair eyed him knowingly. "I stand by what I said about the limo and driver. Sebastian does not get one for his 13th birthday the way you did."
"You have my word that they will not have their own transportation until well after they graduate into the real world."
"Thank you," Blair smiled. "Now about school."
"Blair, they're still in diapers. Let's hold off on the school thing until they can actually go."
"They should go to public school," Blair finished.
"Public school," Chuck questioned as he followed Blair into the living room where she took the pictures she'd found and set them up on the mantel of the fireplace near the one Chuck had of the twins.
"Yes," Blair nodded. "No snobbish kids and no Met steps."
"Public school," he repeated as the words sounded dirtier the second time around. "What was wrong with our education? We had the best money could buy."
"And look how we turned out," Blair eyed him.
"I run a fortune 500 company and you have your own successful business," Chuck pointed out. "I think we did okay."
"I don't want them judged by the amount of money they have or what their parents do for a living."
"They will be no matter where they go to school," he told her. "No matter where they go they'll always have the expectations that come with being a Bass/Waldorf offspring."
"Chuck, half the kids at St. Jude's and Constance wouldn't acknowledge that you existed because Bart was new money."
"And that didn't bother me because I had more money than all of them," Chuck told her.
"They should keep their last name as it is," Blair told him, "Give them the anonymity that they deserve."
"Blair, their birth certificates say Thayer," he growled.
"Yes, I know. So does my driver's license. I legally changed it. I got all the documents, and I filed them before I left Paris. Legally my last name is Thayer. I left Blair Waldorf on a bridge after I read one last Gossip Girl post."
"Changing your name does not change who you are," he told her.
"Maybe not but it does give me something I wouldn't have had with the last name Waldorf."
"And what's that?"
"Freedom. If I'd failed, people wouldn't have been comparing me to my mom and saying how she never would've failed. I get to be my own person instead of Eleanor Waldorf's daughter. I want to give that to our children," Blair told him, "Imagine how much easier your life would have been had you not had to carry the Bass name around all your life."
Chuck looked at her in understanding, "I see what you mean but-"
"If you say something about having a son to carry on the name, I'll scream."
"That's not an issue to me," Chuck told her, "I just don't want to give the children an example that it's okay to run from their problems. I've lived a lifetime of running from things and it got me nowhere. Spin this however you like but, that is what changing their names is - running."
"But changing their names to Bass isn't running."
"It's owning who they are."
Blair sighed, "I will think about it. But if I see one document about this, I am going back to Jersey with the kids and marrying Humphrey."
"Humphrey, really?" he gasped.
"Yes," Blair smiled. "Makes you crazy doesn't it?"
"More than you realize," he groaned as he realized she knew how much it bothered him.
"Good. I just want you to keep it in mind should you feel the need to call your lawyer before I've said yes or no."
"Point taken," he nodded as he heard the elevator chime the arrival of their meal.
"Dinner," Blair said. "Great, I'm starving."
-z-z-z-z-z-z-
"So, how are things going with you and Chuck," Serena asked as she sat down on the sofa across from Blair who had just put the twins down for a nap about two weeks after Blair had moved into the penthouse.
"Okay, I guess. We're kind of feeling our way through things."
"Really," Serena rose an eyebrow at the suggestive context she'd taken from Blair's response.
"Not like that," Blair frowned at her. "Remove your mind from the gutter please."
"Well, it's you and Chuck. The physical thing-"
"Change of subject please," Blair said as loudly as she dared before she ran the risk of waking up the twins.
"I liked the movie we watched the other night," Serena complied. "Nate and I had a good laugh imagining Chuck choking some poor boy for stealing his money and sleeping with his daughter."
Blair giggled as she rested her feet on the coffee table, "I think I'm going to have a hard time convincing Chuck to let Sabrina date."
"You're not kidding," Serena shook her head. "Chuck knows what teenage boys are thinking about when they look at a pretty girl because he thought it."
"He thought it ten times over and worse and sooner. When we were all just discovering kissing, he was nailing Georgina Sparks."
The girls exchanged a grimace of disgust when they thought of just who Chuck had cashed in his V-card too.
"You do realize that both of your step-brothers slept with that creature," Blair raised an eyebrow. "And that for a short while, one of them thought they shared a child."
"I try not to think about it and to just be really grateful that Nate never slept with her."
Blair shuddered, "Gross. Knowing that Chuck slept with her is bad enough. I don't think I'd want to have slept with two of the same guys she did."
"Well, I slept with Dan before she did, so I'm happy."
Blair rolled her eyes, "But going back to the Nate mention, did I tell you that the Captain wrote to me?"
"No. When?"
"I got the mail from the penthouse the other day and it was in there. He just wanted to express his condolences and say that he was sorry that he couldn't be at the funeral but they only let inmates out to attend if it's immediate family. He said that he was glad I was okay and that Nate had showed him a picture of the twins and he thinks they're adorable."
"That was really sweet of him," Serena smiled. "But not surprising. You were almost his daughter-in-law."
"Somehow, I don't think it would've happened even if Nate had never slept with you. I think we would've eventually self-destructed some other way."
Serena's mouth twisted into half a frown but she didn't get a chance to speak because the elevator dinged announcing someone's presence.
Blair's eyes widened, "Anne?"
"Hello Blair," Anne Archibald smiled at the girl who was getting to her feet and the blonde who had turned around to look at her. "Serena."
"Hi," Serena said. "How are you?"
"I'm fine. Blair, I'm sorry to come over without calling but I was in the neighborhood and well, there's something I've been wanting to give you for awhile."
"I should go," Serena got up.
"No, Serena," Anne shook her head. "That's not necessary. It's just something I put together when Nathaniel told me Blair had given birth."
That was when Blair noticed the gift bag Anne had at her side.
"Anne, that wasn't necessary," Blair said as she moved over to where the older woman was standing.
"Yes, it was," she said. "You've always held a very special place to me, even after you and Nathaniel went your separate ways. Charles' mother would've loved you, I hope you know that."
Blair stared for a moment and then it hit her, "I'd forgotten that you and she were best friends; that you'd grown up together." There were albums at the Vanderbilt home full of pictures of a growing Evelyn Charles and Anne Vanderbilt.
Anne nodded, "She was supposed to be Nathaniel's godmother. That's why he only has a godfather. I couldn't bring myself to replace her." She handed the bag to Blair. "I think naming me and Howard as Charles' godparents was the last wish of Evelyn's that Bart ever honored."
"I don't think I ever knew that you and Howard were Chuck's godparents," Blair said accepting the bag.
Anne smiled, "I don't think Charles remembers or even knew for that matter. But there are some pictures in there from his christening. There are also some pictures of Charles' maternal grandparents. Evelyn got her eyes from her father. And as the picture Nathaniel showed me proves, they'll carry on."
"They're asleep right now," Blair said. "Otherwise I'd be more than happy to have you hold them."
"Another time," Anne nodded. Then she hugged Blair, "I want to say again how sorry I am about Eleanor and how glad I am that you're alright."
"Thank you, Anne," Blair said hugging her back. "Come by anytime."
"Thank you," Anne nodded as the hug ended. She looked over at Serena who was desperately trying to look like she wasn't listening. "Serena, I trust Nate told you about dinner next weekend?"
"Saturday night at your house," Serena nodded.
"Drinks at six," Anne told her.
"We'll be there."
"Good," Anne said before leaving.
-x-x-x-x-x-
Chuck arrived home at a little after five that evening and found Blair on the couch with a photo album opened on her lap.
"Hello, Beautiful," he said as he put down his briefcase and jacket. "Is that something of your mother's?"
"No," Blair looked up. "Anne came by today."
"Nathaniel's mom," Chuck questioned as he sat down next to her and lifted the glass next to her to his nose to sniff. "What are you drinking?"
"It's soda, don't worry," Blair shook her head. "If you want wine, you have to order it. Serena confiscated all the liquor after Anne came over. She knows I like to drink when I cry."
"And she thought you'd cry after Anne left?"
"Yes," Blair pointed to a picture. "Your mom made a beautiful bride. I love her dress."
"Where did Anne get that," he gasped in surprise. He'd never seen any pictures of his parents' wedding.
"She was the maid of honor," Blair pointed to another picture. "That's Nate's grandma with them. Anne told me once that after your grandma died, Evelyn pretty much lived with them."
"I didn't know that," Chuck said quietly.
"I bet there's a lot you don't know," Blair said twining her arm with his and put her hand on top of his. "Like, did you know that Anne and Howard are your godparents and that your mom was supposed to be Nate's godmother?"
"No. I knew they were close but I never imagined that they were that close. Anne never said anything."
"I'm not surprised. I called Lily after Anne left. She said Anne wouldn't stop crying for about a month after your mom died. After that, she barely mentioned Evelyn."
"Of course. Vanderbilt's always keep things in their proper place. Grief is messy," Chuck said quietly as she traced the edge of a picture of his mother and Anne in caps and gowns.
"That's high school," Blair said. "Anne's father has the same one in the living room at his house."
"They're only a couple of years younger there than we are right now," Chuck thought aloud. "Seven years later, she was gone."
"Chuck," Blair put her other hand on top of his and hers. "Please don't do this to yourself."
"She knew what could happen if she had a baby and she went ahead and did it anyway," there was anger in his voice.
"And as sorry as I am that she's gone, I'm glad she had you," Blair told him honestly as she lifted her hand from theirs and turned his face to hers. "Because without you, Sabrina and Sebastian wouldn't exist and I would be some miserable shell of a person who never knew what it was like to have someone who loved just me, flaws and all."
Chuck rested his forehead against hers, "But-"
Blair cut him off, knowing he was about to defend his best friend, "Nate loved me when he wanted to; when he didn't have anyone else. I am convinced that if Serena hadn't run off to boarding school the morning after the Shepherd wedding, he would've dropped me faster than a hot plate."
"I should've been a better friend to you when that happened," Chuck said. "I knew and I didn't say anything."
"You were and are Nate's best friend in this world," Blair reminded him. "If it had been me and Serena, you couldn't have pried it out of me. There's also a better than average chance that I wouldn't have believed you and not because I thought you would go that far to break me and Nate up but because I wouldn't have wanted to believe he could do something so despicable with my best friend."
"Do you know when I realized I was in love with you?"
Blair shook her head, "No."
"You were up on stage at Victrola and you had just sent this look out over your shoulder," Chuck smiled at the memory. "That was when I stopped thinking of you as Nate's and realized I wanted you to be mine."
"That night changed a lot of things for me as well," she admitted. "And it was more than just the fact that you took my virtue. I began to see myself in a different light. I always felt suffocated in the perfect little world I'd created and then suddenly I was free…free of the trapped relationship with Nate, free of my mother's overbearing influence, free to just be me. As scary a thought at that was, I knew I was safe with you. There was this look in your eyes that told me you'd protect me from the world at any cost, even from yourself if needed."
"I honestly never thought you'd go through us having sex that night," he admitted shyly. "I thought as soon as I asked if you were sure, you'd sober up, realize what you were about to do, and turn back into prim and proper Blair."
"I did the next morning," she frowned.
"Were you ashamed of what you'd done? Or who you'd done it with," he inquired.
"Are you looking for an honest answer," she asked, unsure of how she should proceed.
"It's about time we laid all our cards on the table, so yes, the honest answer," he nodded.
"Then yes to both questions," she admitted. "But not because you were Chuck Bass or because the sex was horrible. It was phenomenal. I was afraid I'd just be another notch on your bedpost."
"You've always been special to me," he told her. "You have to know that."
"I know that now," she nodded.
"It hurt when you pushed me away," he replied.
"I'm sorry," she responded as she laced her fingers with his. "But I was scared of being rejected. That night meant so much for me. I didn't want to ruin it."
"Can we find our way back to each other?"
"We can only try," she responded. "I know it's not the answer you're looking for, but it's the only one I have right now."
"Are you will to try," he asked, his voice tense and nervous as his uncertainty of her response filled his head and heart.
Blair smiled softly as she angled his head towards her and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Again he didn't seek out more. He let her guide their movements. The chemistry was undeniable. She could feel the current pass between them even from this simple, gentle kiss. No warning bells sounded this time.
"I am," she nodded when she pulled away. He looked at her for clarification as she nestled her head in the crook of his neck. "Willing to try," she elaborated. "But I need to go at my own pace."
"I accept your terms," he told her.
"I'm going to check on the twins and then I'll start dinner," she announced as she stood up reluctantly and passed him the book that Anne had given her earlier.
He nodded as she left the room. He began to browse the book, but quickly closed it as his eyes found a picture of his mother in her wedding dress beaming up at his father as they shared a joy Chuck had never seen from his old man. He wasn't ready to face these demons, not without Blair at his side.
-d-d-d-d-
Yes I know Evelyn's last name wasn't Charles but I'm taking dramatic license with this.