I hope everyone had a good Hanukah or Christmas or is having a good Kwanza. I wish everyone a great New Year. My beta is awesome as always. Reply!

=x=x=x=x=

Chapter 19

Chuck entered the dining room to see Blair setting the table for Eric, herself, and Chuck. She set down a plate of waffles on the table before she saw him watching her.

"Morning," she smiled as she hugged him half-heartedly.

"Good morning," he said. "Where'd you go this morning? I went to take a shower and when I came back you were gone."

"I heard Sabrina on the monitor."

"You should've gotten me. You were up late with her." He frowned as he noted her tired posture.

"I'm okay," Blair smiled.

Chuck nodded as he sat down, "Something smells good."

"It's chocolate and banana waffles," she told him.

"Waffles," Eric asked as he came in and sat down. "Blair, did you become a Humphrey and not tell us?

"Funny," Blair said as she pattered around the dining room so she wouldn't have to sit and eat. She wasn't the slightest bit hungry this morning.

The boys exchanged a look and Chuck spoke up, "You're quiet this morning."

"Just tired," Blair waved it off. "Sabrina's being a princess lately.

"I can watch her if you want since there's no school today," Eric offered.

Blair smiled at him, "I may take you up on that. I forgot the juice. I'll be right back."

Chuck got up without a word to his brother and followed Blair into the kitchen, letting the door swing shut behind him.

Pinning her against the counter, he put his arms on either side of her as she turned back to him.

"What's going on," he demanded, thinking perhaps it was something he had done that upset her.

"Chuck, I'm fine. I'm just tired. You know that the doctor said that if my sleeping patterns get interrupted I'd get sleepier than normal."

"Are you sure," he pressed as his body slid into hers further, savoring the feel of her against him. "If I've done something wrong, please tell me."

"You've done nothing wrong," Blair promised as she stroked his chest lightly. "You've been wonderful. Perfect even."

"I can stay home today with you and the children," he offered, "Perhaps we should have a family outing - show them the city they're lucky enough to call home."

"You have that important business meeting today," she reminded him. "You can't play hooky."

"Nothing is more important to me than the three of you," Chuck told her.

"And we love you too. But if we were to do something today, I might end up falling asleep somewhere in the middle of it."

"Then I'll stay home so you can catch up on your rest," he offered. "Business can wait a day."

"Seriously, Bass, that's such a sweet offer, but go to work. I'll be fine with the children today. Maybe I'll take Eric up on his babysitting offer and take a walk or something."

"Call me if you change your mind," Chuck told her. "I can be home in less than ten minutes if need be."

"I know," Blair smiled at him. "And if I need you, I will call you. Now, go eat your breakfast."

Chuck studied her for a few moments. Her eyes were telling him she was holding something back, but also to just let whatever it was go. He kissed her softly before he pulled away, entwining their fingers together and pulled her back to the table.

"Everything okay," Eric asked as he ate his waffles.

"Yes, Eric. We're fine," Blair told him as she took a seat.

=x=x=x=x=x=x=

The intercom buzzed just as Chuck was sitting back down after seeing his guests to the elevator.

"Yes, Grace," he said pressing the button.

"Mrs. Humphrey is holding for you."

"Thank you," Chuck pressed another button and picked up the phone. "Lily?"

"Hello Charles," Lily's voice said warmly.

"Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine. I was just wondering how Blair was today. I called over to the hotel, but Eric said that was watching the children, so Blair could take a walk. Though that doesn't surprise me. It can't be an easy day for her; the first birthday after her mother's gone," Lily said. "I think I locked myself in my room the first time my father's birthday came after he'd died."

"Today is Eleanor's birthday," Chuck realized as the missing piece to this morning's puzzle finally came into view. "How could I have forgotten?"

"Blair didn't say anything," Lily concluded in surprise. Since the pair began cohabitating, there were no secrets between them. She was surprised that Blair hadn't confided her feelings about today to him.

"No, she just said she was tired," Chuck said. "You said she wasn't at the penthouse?"

"Eric told me she went for a walk."

"Damn it," he cursed himself, "She shouldn't be alone today. That's a recipe for disaster."

"Speaking from experience," Lily chimed in.

"I can't tell you how hard it was when Bart's birthday rolled around the first time after he'd died," Chuck shook his head. "But Blair wouldn't let me be alone and I'm not going to let her."

"Take care of her, Charles." Lily instructed him gently.

"That's my plan," Chuck said. "Thank you for calling Lily."

"Give Blair my best," Lily told him before they hung up.

=c=c=c=c=c=c=

Chuck didn't say anything as he approached Eleanor's grave. He could see Blair sitting in front of the stone, knees up to her chest. He reached her and sat down behind her, uncaring that his pants would probably be ruined. Blair felt him and leaned back against his chest.

"How'd you know where I was," she asked.

"Lily reminded me what today was," he spoke softly into her ear as he wrapped his arms around her. "She'd called the house looking for you. When she said that Eric told her you went out, I came here. I figured you were either here or out feeding the ducks. This was the first stop."

"It doesn't seem right," Blair said. "It's her birthday and she's not here. I've been sitting here trying to figure out why."

"You'll make yourself crazy if you keep spinning yourself into these circles," Chuck told her. "There is no figuring any of this out. What happened was a horrible tragedy. There is no making sense of any of it."

"This wouldn't have happened if I'd met her somewhere else or met her sooner," Blair said softly.

"Don't," Chuck said. "Don't do this to yourself."

"It's my fault," Blair replied as the tears began to fall.

Chuck turned her face to him, "No, it's not. You didn't fire a gun at her."

"If I hadn't left town she wouldn't have come to see me."

"And if I hadn't broken your heart like I did or gotten you pregnant you wouldn't have left to begin with," Chuck stated, "If you need to blame someone, blame me."

"Yeah, right. I can't blame you," Blair scoffed.

"And I'm not going to let you blame yourself," Chuck told her.

"Who can I blame them?" she demanded, "I need to blame someone."

"Blame the scum who came into your cafe, robbed you, shot you and left you to die, and took your mother's life."

"I don't even know who that is," she cried.

"I'm trying to find out," Chuck confessed. "I'm not letting this go, Blair. I will find whoever it was that hurt you and took your mother."

"Revenge isn't healthy, Chuck. It nearly destroyed us more than once," Blair reminded him.

"It's not revenge. It's someone getting what they deserve for murder and attempted murder. It's a foreign concept, but I believe it's called justice."

"Just make sure it doesn't consume you," Blair tilted her head back on his shoulder. "It may have been a long time ago but I do still remember what Bart was like when he got something stuck in his craw."

"Stuck in his craw?" Chuck bit his lip to keep from laughing. "Is that something you picked up in Jersey?"

"Cyrus actually," Blair said quietly.

"Did he call today," Chuck asked.

"He called," she nodded slightly, "But I couldn't force myself to answer the phone."

"Do yourself a favor and call him soon," Chuck said. "He loves you as if you were his flesh and blood. Don't let him drift out of your life."

"You know he really likes you, right?"

"I know," he nodded, "When I make you happy anyways."

"No, I think he likes you even when you piss me off," Blair smiled. "He's always been in your corner. Even when I tried making things work with Nate senior year, I think a little part of him wanted me to give you another shot."

"Because I'm your other half," he replied, "If we look at what we are together, we're amazing. We're happy together, we're miserable apart."

"You know I think if he'd known you were in my room the night he married my mom, he would've sent everyone home and holed up with us that night," Blair smiled. "We should visit him when I can fly."

"I'll have the jet on standby," he agreed.

"I just really hope he hasn't attempted to pack up any of my mom's things by himself. He shouldn't do it alone," Blair said thoughtfully. "Maybe I should have Daddy drop in on him."

"I'm sure he could do with the company," Chuck nodded.

"Aaron was staying with him but life goes on, you know," Blair's gaze fell on the stone again. "Then again, sometimes it doesn't."

"Blair," he caressed her cheek softly. "I know how hard this day is. Don't bury these emotions for me. Let them out."

Blair broke down in heart breaking sobs against his shoulder

x-x-x-x-x-x

It had been a long day, Blair decided as she pulled on a long sleeve T-shirt to go with the flannel pajama pants that Eric had given her while she was in the hospital. She looked up when Chuck came in.

"Did Sabrina go back down," she asked as she pulled back the covers.

"Yes," Chuck nodded as he studied her outfit.

"What," she looked down at herself.

"I'm having a flashback," he explained with a smile as he unbuttoned his cuffs and then his shirt.

"To what," Blair inquired.

"Your warning about loaning out your lingerie," Chuck smirked.

"God, that was a long time ago," Blair smiled as the memory returned to her as freshly as the day it happened.

"Yes, it was. But I have an answer."

"An answer to what," Blair raised an eyebrow.

"I definitely like you in flannel," Chuck smiled.

"Good to know," Blair smiled at him again before she knelt on the bed and motioned for him to join her.

Chuck sat next to her and looked up, "What is it?"

"I was thinking about something you said in the cemetery today."

"Which part?"

"You were trying to keep me from blaming myself and you told me to blame you for breaking my heart or for getting me pregnant. There's something I want you to know."

"What's that?"

"I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant. I think the last time I was that scared was when we were in high school and I just thought I was pregnant. But you need to know that I have never regretted deciding to have them and that I've never been sorry it happened."

"Do you mean that," Chuck asked.

"Yes. I wish we'd been together when I found out, but I knew that I was keeping them and one of the reasons was that even if we were never together again, I'd always have a part of you with me."

"I love you," Chuck told her as he pulled her down for a kiss.

"I love you, too," she whispered before their lips met.