Here is the latest chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. My beta is awesome.
Blair turned over in bed towards the window and smiled at the sight that greeted her.
Chuck and the twins were on the floor enjoying tummy time in the sunlight streaming through the windows.
"Good morning," she said quietly so as not to disturb the tableau of father and child time that was happening.
Chuck looked up and smiled at her, "Good morning. Did we wake you?"
Blair sat up in bed, "No. Not at all. Though I wish you had."
"I thought you could use the additional sleep after week we've endured."
Blair smiled and nodded, "Have they eaten already?"
"Yes. Eric helped me feed them and then he headed out to meet up with Elliot."
"Have you had Elliot checked out yet by your PI," Blair asked swinging her legs over the side of the bed and pushing away the covers.
"He's a good guy, Blair. I promise," Chuck nodded.
"Good. Eric hasn't had the best luck with guys and I just want to be sure he's got a good one this time. He deserves it."
"He does. As a matter of fact, Eric wants to bring him to dinner sometime soon. Apparently Elliot's been asking to meet more of Eric's family and since Eric doesn't want to push his luck with Rufus right now, he asked if he could bring Elliot to meet us."
"I'd love that," Blair nodded as she stood up. She looked out the window to the cloudless sky. "It looks like a beautiful day out."
"It's supposed to be," Chuck nodded.
"Good. Let's do something fun today," she proposed as she bent down next to the trio on the floor.
"Just you and me," Chuck questioned.
"No. On my mom's birthday you offered to stay home and take us all on an outing. I'd like to cash in that rain check today."
"Okay. What would you like to do?"
"Let's go on a picnic," Blair suggested as she tickled Sebastian's stomach, drawing out a tiny laugh.
"A picnic," Chuck raised an eyebrow.
"Yes," Blair nodded. "We could go to Central Park and feed the ducks and then ourselves."
"Alright but I would like to propose an alternate destination," Chuck smiled sinisterly.
"I don't think I like that smile. Where are you planning on taking us?"
"It's a surprise. You'll love it, I promise."
-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"This is definitely one of your weirder ideas, Bass," Blair said as she put down Sabrina's carrier and sat down on the steps next to it.
"I happen to think it's one of my more ingenious ideas," Chuck told her as Sebastian's carrier was set down next to Sabrina's as he chose his perch directly next to Blair.
"The Met steps," Blair questioned as she looked around, memories of their high school days flooding back to her.
"I think it's important for the children to know a little about their parents' history. See Sebastian, this is where Mommy used to hold court," Chuck smirked as he stroked his cheek softly.
"Don't start all that nonsense just yet," Blair rolled her eyes. "We have a few years before they need to know about our faults."
"So, when do I get to tell them the limo story?"
"Not until they're…never," Blair looked at him sternly.
"They'll see our faults soon enough," Chuck sighed, "Hopefully it will be later than when we realized our parents were far from perfect."
"I was six. How old were you," Blair asked.
"I think I was around the same age," Chuck looked at her surprised. "I never figured you for thinking your dad was less than perfect before he moved out."
"It was right about then that I realized he didn't look at Mom the way the Captain looked at Anne."
"Just the same, we have a few years before they need to know we're flawed," Chuck replied, "Besides, you holding court was not a flaw. It was asserting your authority."
"God, I really was the little power monger, wasn't I," Blair asked as she reclined against the step she sat in front of. "Not one of my better qualities."
"I disagree," he smirked devilishly, "The little power monger in you is one of my favorite traits especially when you assert your dominance over me."
"You have a one track mind," she rolled her eyes. "How are you managing during this sexual outage you're currently experiencing? Your hand must be cramping up."
"Very amusing," Chuck glared at her. The truth in her statement was something he wasn't going to admit to. "But I happen to know there are some things in life worth waiting for."
"You know I was thinking, when we get the okay from the doctor, and we decide it's the right time, maybe we should go back to the beginning."
"The limo?" he inquired.
"I'd like us to begin again where we began in the first place," Blair nodded. "What do you think?"
"Are you sure? That might be a little adventurous for your first sexual encounter after major heart surgery."
"I will ask how crazy we're allowed to get," Blair assured him. "If the doctor says to take it slow, then maybe we can get a hotel room like we should've been doing after prom, if we'd gone with each other."
"We should have," he nodded with a slight frown.
"Ah, if only we had a time machine," Blair smiled.
"I'd use it for a lot more than just prom," he laughed.
"Would you change the night I surrendered my virtue to you," she asked quietly.
"Not on your life," Chuck shook his head.
"I wouldn't either," she smiled as she leaned over to kiss his cheek softly.
"I might change the morning after," Chuck admitted. "I'd get to your house earlier than I did and keep you from going to confession."
"Breakfast would have been nice," she smiled.
"Things would've been different," Chuck said quietly.
"I don't know why I tried so hard to hang on to Nate for so long after that. Even after I found out about him and Serena, I just couldn't seem to let go."
"Because it was part of your perfect little world," he replied. "I wasn't."
"You are now," she smiled.
"I'm far from perfect, Blair," Chuck told her. "All the things I did-"
"They're done. We can't erase them," Blair cut him off. "But we're moving on from them. I promised you that I would never bring Jenny up again. Now I'm making the same promise about Jack. It hurt but it's over with. He can't hurt us if we don't let him."
"You're being too easy on me," he frowned.
"No, I'm not," Blair shook his head. "Chuck, I almost died. Literally. I almost left this world and if I had the last thing that would've happened between us would've been a fight. Being mad isn't worth it if the last things a person hears from someone they love are angry words. Life is too short.
"I have two choices in all of this. Either I hate you for the rest of my life, which I found to be exhausting and pointless after months of trying, or I move on from it and try to find a way to forgive you. I choose forgiveness because I love you. I'm not saying I've forgiven you yet, but I'm about as far away from hating you as I can get.
"And in addition to all of that, I'm not the only one who almost left this world after a fight," Blair reminded him. "My mom and I were okay when she died. So, while I am always going to feel a little guilty that she never laid eyes on her grandchildren or got to hold them, I know she and I were in a place that had we had just a little more time she would've been able to do both. When you and I were shot, neither of us was in a good place with the other. And if Serena had come back that day and told me that it was your body on that slab in the morgue, I don't know what I would've done."
"We've both had that moment," Chuck replied as he lifted her hand to his lips, savoring the feel of her steady pulse against his lips. "It's the worst feeling in the world."
"You know the night Dan told me you'd been shot," Blair began as she pulled out two bottles of water with her free hand from the basket that Dorota had put together at Blair's request, "I came so close to picking up the phone and calling you, if only to hear your voice on the other end."
"I wish you had," he replied.
"Looking back, so do I," Blair admitted, turning her hand so she could brush a finger across Chuck's cheek.
"I should have," she smiled. "One of the millions of things I'd change if we had that time machine."
"But not the children," he added as Sabrina chose that moment to gurgle.
"No, never them," Blair smiled. "The part where I cut my mom off, yes. But I'd never change having them."
"I've been meaning ask you something," Chuck said.
"Okay," Blair said with a nod.
"Why Rose?"
"What do you mean?"
"Sabrina's middle name," Chuck elaborated. "Why Rose? Why not something for your mom or dad?"
"Well, like Serena told you I gave Sebastian the middle name Nathaniel because at the end of the day, you and Nate are always going to be there for one another. Sabrina in addition to being from one of my favorite movies, is also close enough to Serena that it honors her as well."
"Right," Chuck nodded.
"I used Rose because Cyrus always thought you were right for me and he's been a father to me in a lot of ways the last few years. Even when I didn't want him to be he was and I knew he'd love being a part of their lives so when I was deciding on names, I decided that Rose would go very well with Sabrina. But also it was a way to honor my mother, but not as obvious. She did take his last name when they married."
"That's true," Chuck nodded.
"It's such a beautiful day," Blair sighed happily as she looked up at the vibrantly blue sky. "A perfect day for the twins to be outside."
"It's a perfect day for all of us to be outside," Chuck corrected her. "And I'm glad we are all here together."
"Me too," she smiled as she reached out to rock Sabrina's carrier.
"So, what else did Dorota pack for us," Chuck peered over Blair's shoulder into the basket.
"Sandwiches," Blair said. "There are chips and pretzels. And for dessert, tiramisu."
"Sounds perfect," Chuck smiled.
"I'm sorry I never sought your input in naming our children," she added as she returned to their previous conversation.
"I would never have insisted on naming our children after my father and as for Sebastian, I think giving him the middle name of Nathaniel is a way of honoring both my friendship with him and my mom's friendship with Anne," Chuck told her. "You have nothing to worry about."
"Still it's one of those silly little fights that we should have had that I denied you."
"That's right," Chuck nodded. "The dreaded 'what should we name our children' fight. You did fine on your own. I knew I'd always get a daughter named Audrey or Holly or Sabrina out of you. As for Sebastian's name, I've always been fond of our days as scheming partners. The name fits him just fine."
"I'm sorry anyway," she pouted as she rested her head against his shoulder.
"No apology necessary," he assured her.
"Chuck, say you had a time machine at your disposal, what would you fix besides the morning after our first time and me calling the night Dan told me you'd been shot?"
"I'd fix the day of your cotillion," he said without hesitation. "I'd go back and erase the whole Carter Baizen debacle. I'd refuse to help Nate find out who you were seeing. I want to say I'd tell him the truth but even now, I don't think I would. But I would prove to you that I could behave myself."
"Do you think we would have stayed together if it wasn't for that incident?"
"I don't know," Chuck shook his head. "But I do know that if it hadn't happened, you probably wouldn't have slept with Nate that night."
"Yes, you definitely would have been sharing my bed that night," she smiled, "As you had almost every night prior to that since my birthday."
"I think that was the first time I'd ever truly wanted to rip Nate apart," Chuck admitted. "No, wait. It was the second. The first time was when I realized he'd cheated on you."
"You mean when you saw him cheat on me," she corrected him.
"That too," Chuck said. "You know things would've been a lot different if I'd just told Nate I didn't have any luck with finding out whom you were seeing."
"I know," she nodded. "If there was only one thing that you could change with our magical time machine what would it be?"
"I'd sign over my hotel to Jack, and simply walk away from it. You and I would never have parted, and I would have been there for every second of the lives of these perfect little beings."
His response was instantaneous. He must have been giving this a lot of prior thought.
"What about you," Chuck asked curiously. "If there was only one thing you could change with our magical time machine, what would it be?"
"I'd go back and not go to the cotillion with Nate as friends or anything else. I'd just tell him that it was over between us and that I'd found that life could be good with someone who knew me better than he ever could. Someone who could be sweet but also a little devious and someone who took the time to kiss my shoulder when he was apologizing."
"I wish for that too," he smiled.
"I'm aware that you still do that now, too, you know," Blair said. "I know you think I'm asleep most of the time when you do it but I feel it through the pajama top I'm wearing. You kiss my shoulder before you get out of bed in the morning."
"I didn't know you knew about that," he blushed slightly in embarrassment.
Blair smiled at him and trailed her perfectly manicured finger along his jaw line, "I love that you still do that. It's one of the best things about you and me."
"I was thinking that was Sabrina and Sebastian," he nodded towards their children.
"They are the best things that came from you and me," Blair corrected as she leaned forward so their foreheads were touching. "But all the little things we still do for each other like when I lay on the bed with your head on my stomach and I run my fingers through your hair and I lightly scratch your scalp with my nails. I know you love that. Or when we sit on the couch after dinner and you rub my feet without me asking you to. I happen to love that. Chuck, so much of what we've always meant to one another has been beyond words. These little gestures are just part of it. It doesn't matter if it's a foot rub or hands through hair or a kiss to the shoulder before you get up to face the day. It's all part of us."
"Don't forget the passionate love that we make," he smirked in response.
"There is that," Blair smiled. "But tell me you know what I mean."
"I do," Chuck nodded. "And for the record, I feel it when you squeeze my hand just before you fall asleep at night."
"See," Blair smiled. "Wordless meaningful gestures. We're full of them."
-x-x-x-x-x-
Blair unlocked the doors to the balcony and stepped out after she opened them. The sun had set a few hours ago and the city lights sparkled before her.
It was different doing this here than it was doing it out her New Jersey apartment window, she mused. When she leaned out of her window she could watch the sleepy street start to rise. Here, it wasn't until the sun went down that the city really seemed to awaken.
She rested her hands on the railing and leaned forward a bit. She could just hear the music coming from an open window a few floors down but other than that it was relatively quiet. There were no horns honking or people shouting. She could almost just believe that those things didn't exist.
And with the quiet came the thought she'd been trying to push back for most of the day. She did a good job of distracting herself for most of the day but when the twins were asleep and Chuck was doing work or talking to Eric. Thoughts of her mom came up from the back of her mind and everything around her stopped and the ache in her heart that had nothing to do with the bullet that had invaded her body.
Her eyes closed as she felt Chuck's arms around wrapped around her from behind.
"It's not warm enough for you to be out here without a jacket," he whispered. "It's only the beginning of May."
"I'm okay," she said quietly.
"You're in your pajamas," he countered. "Come back inside."
"I'm just thinking. It's quiet out here."
"What are you thinking about?"
"My mom," Blair admitted hesitantly.
"Do you want to talk about it," Chuck asked.
"No," Blair told him. "I know it would help to talk about it, but I don't want to."
"I'm here whenever you need me," he told her as he tightened his arms around her.
"I know," Blair nodded as she tilted her head back against his chest. "And I love you for it."
"It's so quiet here," Chuck observed.
"It's hard to believe that just a few hundred feet or so below us is a maze of streets and tunnels with taxis and subways," Blair smiled. "You could almost believe that it doesn't exist."
"It doesn't exist in moments like this," he told her as he nuzzled at the nape of her neck.
"Just a king and queen overlooking a peaceful kingdom," Blair mused. "It's kind of nice to drift away on thoughts like that."
"You always did like fairytales," Chuck teased.
"Because they have the happy endings at the end," she added.
"Well, I'm no prince," Chuck reminded her gently.
"No, more of a dark knight," Blair turned to him. "I kind of like that about you."
"The dark knight isn't considered a hero," he reminded her.
"Doesn't matter to me," she smiled, "Because you're a hero to me and our children."
"Blair," Chuck whispered as he pushed her hair back.
"Nate was supposed to be my prince. Only he got it on with my lady-in-waiting," Blair reminded him. "And somehow I can't see him sitting with me in a graveyard on my mother's birthday holding me as I cried. Let Cinderella and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty have their prince. I'll take the tortured dark knight."