Chapter 4:

Castle made his way to the Oak Bar. Originally designed by Plaza Hotel architect Henry Hardenbergh in 1907 as a men's bar, many a nervous groom and disheartened gentleman had drank away their frayed nerves in front of artist Everett Shinn's original murals. Overlooking the vibrant views of Central Park, the bar had an old money, clubby charm that resonated with New Yorkers. It seemed the perfect place for Castle to distance himself from the party…and from Kate. Castle found a seat at the end of the bar away from the crowd. He had a white-knuckle grip on a glass of Macallan 30 year old scotch. He stared intently into the amber liquid as if the answers to his questions could be found there.

Castle rarely indulged in self-pity. He thought it was a waste of time, but he allowed himself this brief moment before his thoughts returned to the event that had become an obligation instead of the gift to Kate that it was intended to be. Castle recalled the old adage, "it's not really giving if it doesn't hurt a little." If that held true, then he was feeling particularly generous right now…and no small bit selfish. He didn't offer to host this fundraiser expecting anything in return, but it hurt nonetheless to see Josh sweep in to save Kate's day.

"Snap out of it Rick!" he thought. "This night isn't about you," he reminded himself. He put this evening together for one simple reason…just to see her smile. Not the forced smile she puts on for the rest of the world, but the one that comes from a place deep inside Kate that she only unveils when she thinks no one is looking. He thought he saw that smile when he had liberated her from the initial barrage of paparazzi. He foolishly assumed that he had been the reason behind that beaming grin, but now reasoned it was simply gratitude he was seeing.

Jim Beckett had noticed the author's demeanor abruptly change only moments ago after a brief conversation with a tall, dark-haired man. Instinctively, Jim followed Castle out of the Grand Ballroom to the storied hotel bar. Jim took the seat next to Castle. His intuition told him that Castle's unexpectedly sullen mood had something to do with his daughter. "Where's Katie?" Jim gently probed.

Castle took a sip of his drink and forced a gracious, albeit weak smile. "Josh finally showed up. They're outside talking…toasting…I'm not sure," Castle opined.

"Who's Josh?" Jim asked curiously.

"Who's Josh?" Castle parroted back at Jim, his brows knitted with a puzzled look on his face. "Uh…um…he's her boyfriend…has been for a while," Castle responded.

Oh!...Uh? How long? Never mind…it doesn't matter. This is the first I'm hearing about him. You, on the other hand…you've been in Katie's life for many years," Jim divulged.

Castle was confused. "Many years? It's only been two years or so since I've been shadowing your daughter.

"You were shadowing my daughter long before that, Richard."

"I'm sorry. I don't understand, Jim," Castle asked curiously.

"Kate's mother…my wife, Johanna spent hours upon hours reading legal briefs, pleas, and all sorts of legal documents. She was single minded and driven," Jim explained. Remind you of anyone we know?" said Jim sharing a fleeting laugh with Castle.

"Johanna had a guilty pleasure that very few of her colleagues knew about. She escaped from the reality of the everyday legal labyrinth by devouring mystery novels at night. About five years before she died, she discovered a young novelist whose books she couldn't put down. If she wasn't working or taking care of us, she was consuming this guy's novels. I had to convince myself that it was silly to be jealous," Jim chuckled.

"After Johanna died, it took Katie and I months before we had the courage to go through her things. By that time, I wasn't much help and Katy was left to clean up the mess on her own," Jim said with an air of regret. "She found Johanna's collection of books. She needed to feel close to her mother. She coped with her mother's death by losing herself in the last books her mother had enjoyed. Somehow reading exactly the same words her mother had been reading allowed her to feel closer to her mother," Jim said suggestively.

"Richard, those words…they were your words," Jim revealed.

Castle was staggered by Jim Beckett's disclosure. He knew Kate was a fan of his fiction, but why didn't he know his writing had helped her through the difficult period following Johanna's death? "Then again, why would he?" he admitted to himself. Outtakes of their last two years together played back in his mind. "I was an arrogant ass when we first started working together," Castle considered regrettably to himself. "Why would she admit that to someone like me," he thought.

"Tonight…I almost saw a glimmer of my old Katie…the girl she used to be before…Johanna…Umm…before her mom died," Jim stated pausing to rest a reassuring hand on Castle's shoulder. "Be patient with her, Richard. If she's half the woman her mother was, she's worth the wait," Jim promised as he excused himself. Castle was sorry to lose his company and returned to staring into his glass of scotch not knowing what his next move should be, but sure he wasn't ready to give up on the most amazing woman that's ever come into his life.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Josh! What are you doing here?" exclaimed Kate. "I thought you had surgery tonight. How did you know where to find me?" Kate asked disappointedly.

Josh moved closer to Kate holding up two glasses. "I bumped into your buddy Castle when I came in. He told me where to find you and said you might like one of these," he said giving Kate a glass of champagne. Kate offered a vacant smile taking the glass of champagne she had anticipated sharing with Castle. Kate had an unexpected epiphany. She realized she didn't really know the man standing in front of her. Of course, she knew him. She knew him with her mind, but not with her soul. They had been dating for several months, although he had been gone "saving the world" most of that time. Naturally, she had given in to her physical needs and occasionally found comfort in his arms, but was that intimacy? The answer was simple…nothing she had ever experienced with Josh came close to the connection she had felt with Castle. True intimacy was what she felt moments ago on the dance floor in Castle's arms, or in the break room when he had interlocked his fingers with her own in an everyday indication of closeness, or in countless other gestures offered over the last several months. What she had experienced with Castle was intimacy body and soul. What she had with Castle defied logic. Unlike her relationship with Josh, she did not have to convince herself that she was feeling it …she just did.

When Josh inched closer to give his girlfriend a kiss, Kate quickly redirected his lips to her cheek. Josh picked up on Kate's ambivalence. He gave Kate a dejected smile. "I'm such an idiot. When I walked out here…the look on your face wasn't for me…was it? You were expecting someone else…weren't you, Kate? It's him, isn't it?" demanded Josh. The downcast look on Kate's faced tacitly indicated agreement. "I feel so stupid. He looked like a Mack truck had hit him when I saw him at the bar. The champagne…he was bringing it out here to you, wasn't he?" Josh added with an air of resignation. Kate could only nod in agreement, searching for the right words to say.

She went from feeling like she was on top of the world to feeling like the lowest piece of trash in a mater of five minutes. As a cop, Kate thought she had grown accustomed to the range of emotions that came with the job. One minute you're giving a tourist directions, the next your pointing you're gun at someone begging him not to force you to shoot him. Unfortunately, a cop's normal coping mechanisms don't always translate into real life. Honestly, she didn't know what to say to Josh, but he was a decent man and put her out of her misery.

"You deserve to be happy, Kate. Castle is a lucky man. Good Bye!" Josh said. His kiss hit its mark landing squarely on her cheek. She smiled at the man who she now knew she could gratefully count amongst her closest friends.