8.

Teddy woke to the sound of a steady rain on the roof of the tent. She shivered a little realizing she was still naked and rolled in search of Andrew's warmth. Instead of finding him, she found an empty spot.

Her head popped up from her pillow as she glanced around their shadowed tent. Bordon stood in front of the washstand adjusting the cravat that he always seemed to keep snowy white. He looked immaculate as always. His pistol buckets, bedroll and pack were by the tent flap.

He was leaving again.

As Teddy located her shift and a wrapper, he spoke to her.

"I'll be gone for a few days. Three, maybe four at the most."

She re-dressed in her night clothes, watching him intently as he slipped his jacket on, buttoned it and then added all the other accoutrements he was expected to wear as part of his uniform.

She stood silently beside him and when he turned lightly grippin her shoulders, she thought he might give her a kiss but instead she was startled to hear him say, "You look terrible."

"Thank you," Teddy muttered sarcastically. She didn't feel very well either. Her muscles were still very tight and tender, her sore throat had returned- or maybe it had never left, she wasn't sure. Her head also felt heavy and congested as well.

"Sorry," he said awkwardly, pushing past her, setting her aside. "I sent for hot water. I thought you might want to soak away some of the effects of yesterday's activities."

Something wasn't right. Something about his tone felt cool and overly formal.

"Andrew…..about last night, we're not….. getting an annulment….are we?" She asked tentatively.

"Of course we will. What happened last night- as enjoyable as it was- changes nothing," he answered with his back to her as he picked up his sabre, dropping the shoulder sling over his right shoulder and securing it at the hip. He turned to face her, his features that had softened for her the night before were now hard and stony again. "No one will know about any of this. You have nothing to fear."

Teddy's heart dropped and she felt queasy.

"You cannot be serious, Andrew. This changes everything. We can't annul this. We are married now," she said in disbelief. His unchanged expression told her he was very serious and she felt a knot begin to form in her chest. She swallowed it down and sadly asked, "Would it be so bad being married to me? I know I'm not the kind of wife you thought you wanted, but am I really that bad?"

He said nothing and he didn't have to, she could read it in his face. Teddy felt the rug slowly being pulled out from under her. Everything she had secretly hoped for happened last night and Teddy enjoyed it. She thought he had too. Now he would ruin what she thought they shared. She couldn't let him do it.

"What was that, Andrew?" She asked, gesturing towards the bed. "A quick tumble to satisfy an urge?"

"I thought you just wanted some physical intimacy," Bordon answered flatly.

Teddy visibly flinched. If he had punched her with his powerful fists, he could not have hurt her more.

"So you would divorce me now instead? That's what it is now, you know. I won't do it! I won't let you," she informed him bitterly. "You care for me I know you do. Something happened. I felt it. I know you did as well. I must have been mistaken to think your feelings for me had changed. I apologize for being the kind of girl that still associates the acts of the marital bed with marriage!"

"Teddy we discussed this. This doesn't have to end with divorce."

"No, Andrew, we really haven't. Why exactly have you decided we should continue with a divorce?"

"I have other obligations. You know I have," he answered. He was trying to let her down easy. It was obvious and it felt really damned condescending to her.

"You think I'm not good enough for you." It was a statement, not a question. Teddy didn't need to hear his answer, she already knew it was true.

"This is not about what I think, Teddy. It is about how my family will react and what my father will say. I will lose everything if I don't do as he asks and marry the lady he wants me to marry."

"Do you always do as your father asks?"

"Yes, of course," he replied.

"Hmmm…I used to be like that," Teddy said sardonically.

"We have no choice…..I have no choice." He said, his resolve remaining intact despite her words.

Teddy could not believe what she was hearing. She became angry and so she lashed, "So this is what you become from living under his rule? The big tough British officer. With….with your stiff upper lip…all duty and honor bound? What about my honor? What if I carry your child? You would divorce me anyway and leave us both behind? What would your father think of that?"

Teddy was fighting him with the only method she knew. She mocked him, knowing it would make her look like an ass but no more so than he would feel like one. "The Honorable Captain Andrew Bordon…."

Standing at attention she sang, "Ruuullleee Britania! Britania rule the waves!"

Turning on her, Bordon demanded, "Why are you making this more difficult than it needs to be?"

She threw her arms out in frustration and shouted at him, "You know what? I give up! It doesn't matter!"

"Teddy, I…"

"You go on Andrew Bordon," she said with deadly calm, narrowing her eyes as if to curse him. She knew at that moment if she had any abilities with dark arts or witchcraft, she would have done exactly that. "You go back to England and marry you're precious, perfect English rose with her cold, cold heart. You live in a loveless marriage while she bears your heir and your spare- who will probably be someone else's by-blow. And when you're old and tired and dying…..I hope you think of me."

As she spat the words, Teddy knew they stung. She knew she was angry and acting petty and low. She didn't care. When he was gone, and there was nothing left but the sound of the rain, she realized she did care and that made the whole situation even worse.

Last night as she dozed off she felt cherished, peaceful and for the first time in months, secure with Andrew. Now she had no idea what would happen to them next. She felt used and whorish. Then Teddy suddenly felt sick to think it would be so easy for him to lie and get his annulment. He had said that no one would know. But she would always know and God knew, so in her mind and heart they were truly married. Andrew could call it whatever he wanted; it was divorce.

It all made the guilty feelings she was swallowing over Ram that much harder to take. She seemed to have fallen so hard and so fast that her first husband was almost forgotten in all this. She wondered if Ram would have thrown them together in such a way had he known where they would end up. Teddy loved Ram and she still missed him but she could not deny that she was in love with Andrew now. There was an intensity about Andrew that demanded it. Maybe that's what truly made her feel like a harlot.

Teddy finally sank down into the tub of bath water. It was a little warmer than she normally liked, but she barely felt the sting of the hot water on her skin.

She could smell him on her, still feel his touch, and she scrubbed as if that would make it go away. Yet somehow in the back of her mind she knew it wouldn't. She knew that while he was gone she would miss him and ache for him, and that's what seemed to make her most angry.

For the few days that he was gone, the weather cleared as The Green Dragoons escorted decoy supply wagons, hoping the Colonial Militia would take the bait. If they did, the Dragoons might be able to dampen some of the rebel activity. Although he had plenty to occupy his mind, during that time, Bordon was constantly reminded of the argument he had with Teddy before he left.

It started with some of his fellow officers asking about her well being. It seemed she had endeared herself to a few of them. Even though they had avenged her by capturing the group of deserters that had chased her, they were still concerned for her nonetheless.

With captured rebels in tow once their operation proved a small success, the Green Dragoons headed back to the fort.

On their way, they met up with Colonel Tarleton and part of his command with the actual supply wagon. Bordon was glad to see his comrades join them, his mood lightening for a moment because of Major Hanger's amusing comment about the need to escort Cornwallis's wardrobe. Hanger, waving his hand in the air, proclaimed that he would have rather lied in wait for a band of rebels than escort "The Emperor's" new clothes.

"Is something wrong, Captain?" Colonel Tarleton asked him after they had dropped back behind the others.

Bordon shook his head. "No, everything is fine. Why do you ask?"

"Mrs. Bordon is well, yes? She certainly gave me a scare yesterday."

"She is fine now," Bordon answered. "She was in a bit of shock naturally and she has some bruising, but nothing that won't heal."

Except her heart, you coward…. His conscience mentioned.

"You like her. don't you Bordy," the young pup officer teased. "You're wife, Theodora…..Teddy….adorable little temptress she is. I see it on your face Bordon, you like her."

Tarelton went on as if he were talking to himself, "At first I thought it was the challenge. She stands up to you. You need that….she's good for you. But now I wonder if you've developed something deeper than that."

Bordon moved his mount over to crowd Tarleton wishing him to take the deliberate snub as a cue to stop talking.

The colonel ignored him and continued, "I've seen the way you look at her, Bordy."

"With aggravation?"

His friend snorted a laugh, "What are you going to do about it?"

"What else would you have me do?" Bordon asked, his jaw hardening. "I'm sending her home to her family as I promised."

"You could keep her," Tarleton suggested lightly.

"Oh yes, my father would love that," Bordon scoffed. "Do you really think he would approve of me taking a preacher's daughter to wife?"

"You already have," Tarleton reminded. "And your mother and brother would not object, not if you are happy. You already have a living and the worst he could do is cut you off."

Banastre gave him a pitying look and Andrew felt like slugging him for it. Everyone was making too much of this.

"If you don't want her then at least let me have her," Tarleton said, his voice taking an almost commanding tone now. "I'll marry her and send her to my mother in England until this is over. At least she'd be taken care of, among people who would want her."

Bordon's eyes darted for an instant to make sure it was still Tarelton that was speaking. "You can't be serious."

"I am very serious," Tarleton warned. "She deserves no less. Perhaps Teddy and I would come to care for each other in a deeper sense. I already adore her, and I know she would give me beautiful children…"

"Enough, Ban. You're being ridiculous," Bordon finally snapped.

"Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? A man your age and accomplishments actually saying, 'My parents are going to murder me over this. I do not believe I've uttered such a phrase since I was fifteen."

Bordon had no answer and Tarleton was on a roll.

"You have something truly special like her and you're worried about what you might have to give up? Are you an idiot, man? I would drink her bath water to prove myself to her.

If I had to stay in the military till the day I die for a woman like the lovely Mrs. Bordon, I would do it in a heartbeat and to hell with what dear old mama and papa had to say about it."

Bordon thought about what Ban was saying. At first he couldn't believe he was actually listening to the advice given by a pup of six and twenty. He was even more shocked to realize he was actually taking that very same advice. His mind was now set.

"You're right," Bordon said after a minute of silence between them when Tarleton actually allowed him a word edgewise.

Tarleton glanced over, a startled expression settled on his youthful face.

"Pardon?"

"You are absolutely right," Bordon said keeping his gaze steady on the trail ahead.

"Well," Tarleton muttered with a smile. "if this isn't a red letter day….."

And from then on they rode together in silence. For that Bordon was grateful. He still needed to think. He would have to apologize to Teddy right away. He thought about the things they had said to each other and the look on her face while they said them. She had been angry and hurt but what she said had a nasty sting of truth. Lying about what they had shared would dishonor them both and what they shared had indeed been an act of love- for both parties involved.

When Bordon arrived at camp later that evening he found his wife on her cot in their tent. He tried to speak with her but she wouldn't respond and when he tried to touch her, she turned over and scowled at him with puffy eyes and a raw nose, snipping venomously, "Don't…..touch me."

When he asked her if he could bring her anything from the mess tent she ignored him. So he left her be and when he came back, he had his bath and turned in early.

Bordon couldn't sleep. Not without Teddy, or not without knowing that he had said his peace- whether she would listen to him or not.

He padded over quietly and stood next to her cot.

"Teddy," he said in a low voice. "There are some things I wish to discuss with you."

Teddy remained quiet and then from the darkness he heard her terse reply, "Too bad. I have nothing more to discuss with you."

"Good, maybe you will listen to what I have to say without interrupting for a change."

He heard her indignant gasp as he hoisted her up in his arms blankets and all and carried her to his bed.

Bordon sat with Teddy curled on his lap, still wrapped in her quilt cocoon. Only the top of her head peeped out, but she would not raise her face to look at him. He stroked her black satin hair with his hand, his heart shattering, knowing the small sounds she made were because he had made her cry.

"Oh, Teddy….I am sorry," he said wearily. "I am so sorry I even tried to fight this. You are a beautiful woman…one I don't deserve. I should have thought first. I was wrong and I apologize, dearest. Nothing has been the same since we married…nothing. I am not the same man I was, I don't think I ever will be again. I don't want to lose you. I will find a solution to all this, I promise. Please, all I am asking is that you trust me."

So sowy for the cliffie people...Esther put me up to it!