[Final Fantasy XIII] Crystal Dreams of Eternity
Chapter 4: (III.3) The Goddess Etro
A Final Fantasy XIII Fanfic
By Jen-chan
January 26 - 29, 2011
CHAPTER SYNOPSIS: Postgame. Lightning has found Fang & Vanille, but satisfaction eludes her. The quest to truly be reunited begins!
Sometimes, Oerba Yun Fang thought, eternal life could be a lot like eternal hell.
Like, now, for example.
She watched as Lightning Farron stared up at Fang's own crystallized body, an expression of such intense, painful, *longing* on Lightning's face that it could have launched a thousand ships on crusade to sooth it.
She watched as Lightning reached out, and gently touched her fingertips to Fang's cold, dead, face, and let it linger there for a moment.
She watched as Lightning quietly crumpled to the ground, those fingers now balled into fists. Lightning wasn't crying, Lightning doesn't *cry*, but her shoulders shook as though she wanted to.
She watched as Lightning repeatedly punched the ground of the crystallized cavern, over and over, breaking her fist but still not stopping.
She watched, and could do nothing.
Thought that didn t stop her from trying.
"Stop that!" Fang shouted. "You know that's not going to help! How are you supposed to climb your arse out of here with a broken hand?"
Lightning didn't stop - she couldn't hear Fang's words. Of course, this being Lightning, even if she *could* hear Fang, she might not have stopped anyway, but regardless, it still made Fang seethe at her own impotence.
It took a while, but eventually, the pain must have registered in Lightning's mind, because she finally stopped, choked out a strangled cry of frustration, and cradled her hand to her chest.
Fang sighed. The soldier had just used up the last of her potion to heal her arm and ribs. There would be nothing left for this wound.
"... I'm sorry, Sunshine. But this is why you shouldn't have come looking for us." Fang said softly, crouched down beside Lightning. Not that Lightning could hear her. She reached out to stroke Lightning's hair. Not that her fingers could ever reach that pink softness.
Fang bit her lip and closed her eyes, standing back up again. She'd been 'haunting' Lightning for a year now, trying to make contact countless, *countless* times. She'd never succeeded; why did she think she would now?
Vanille appeared beside Fang, breathless though she didn't need to breathe. "They're coming!" She cried, "I screamed and yelled and got some dishes to fall, and I think Serah understood! She and Snow are trying to get Sazh to steal an airship to get here!"
The red-haired girl crouched down beside Fang and addressed Lightning, yelling as loudly as she could at the soldier, as though loudness would help carry her words through. "Don't worry, Light! Help's coming! They'll be here soon!"
And then Vanille noticed the state of Lightning's right hand and her own hands flew to her mouth, "oh, Goddess, Fang, what did she do to her hand?"
Fang didn't have the heart to answer Vanille.
The younger girl, sensing that now was not the time to press the issue, could only look back at the soldier sadly.
The cavern was quiet, save for the sound of Lightning's heavy breathing. The two not-quite-alive Pulsians sat beside the still living Cocoonian in silence, unable to comfort her, only each other (Fang put a hand on Vanille's back when she noticed tears streaming down the other girl's face). The melancholy seemed to last for an eternity, before Lightning finally, shakily, got to her feet.
Seeing Lightning move, Fang and Vanille got to their feet too.
Without a word, Lightning stalked away from the crystallized forms of her friends and went back to the wall of the crystal cavern, underneath the crack to the outside she'd fallen through. Any sign of her earlier breakdown was gone from her face as she surveyed the walls with cool, analytical concentration.
Fang couldn't help but give a sigh of relief. "Alright, that's my girl. Never stay down," she said encouragingly to Lightning, looking up at the crystal walls with her. She had felt lost when Lightning had broken down, but now that Lightning's steel determination had returned, Fang knew that eventually, the soldier would be okay.
"Come on now, *think* soldier!" Fang barked, "how do you get out of here?"
Lightning couldn't have heard Fang's encouragement, but at that moment, she made a face and looked down at her hand, testing it. "Smart, Farron," Lightning muttered to herself. "Break your only chance of getting out of here."
Still, broken hand and bruised ribs or no, Lightning attempted the climb, cautiously.
Fang had to feel admiration for the soldier's sheer stubbornness; Lightning kept at it for a several hours (Vanille had shouted her unheard encouragement the entire time), but could not get more than a few feet up off the floor of the cavern.
By that time, it was dark outside. Lightning nibbled at a protein bar from her backpack, cracked open a fresh glow stick, and went back to Fang and Vanille's crystallized bodies, apparently getting ready to settle in for the night.
"Go to sleep, Light!" Vanille pleaded, when the soldier failed to do so, opting to pace back and forth instead. "If you go to sleep, at least we'll be able to talk to you in your dreams!"
"Don't get your hopes up, Vanille," Fang replied tiredly, though she too wished that Lighting would rest. "Remember the Steppe? She can pace all night." At times, Lightning's stubbornness really was a pain.
Eventually, Lightning stopped her pacing, and looked up at her friends' crystal forms.
Fang blinked. "Light?" Her heart yearned as she saw the soft expression in Lightning's eyes, wishing oh so much that she could just wrap her arms around the other woman.
The soldier reached up, and tenderly ran her fingers along Fang's crystal jaw line; Fang shivered, imagining what that sensation might have felt like.
"I swear to you, Fang," Lightning she said softly, out loud. "I swear to both of you. Wait for me. I will find a way to free you."
The room lapsed into silence once more, as the soldier continued to stare up at Fang and Vanille's crystallized forms, as though waiting for an answer.
Fang smiled sadly. "Yeah, sure, Sunshine." She said finally. She gave Vanille a sardonic look, who was rubbing a tear from her eye. "It's not like we're going anywhere."
And then a voice seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere all at once:
'YOU WILL.'
Fang jumped. Vanille did too.
And so did Lightning.
As one, they all whirled around to address the one who had spoken.
"Who's there," Lightning demanded as she reflexively reached for her gunblade when she heard the all encompassing voice. Her right hand screamed in protest, causing her to wince.
And then her eyes opened wide as she saw who had spoken. At once, Lightning felt a sense of awe and wonder wash over her as she gazed upon the shimmering, glowing, beautiful deity before her. Lightning could not find the words to describe her - wasn't even sure if it was a 'her', though for some reason, that felt right. She was at the same time beautiful and terrible, celestial and common, godly and human. It was maddening to look at her. She was blinding, and yet Lightning could not look away.
'IT WILL HELP IF YOU THINK OF ME AS HUMAN. USE YOUR WILL. SHAPE ME INTO A FORM THAT WHICH YOU MAY COMPREHEND.'
The instructions barely made sense, but somehow, Lightning understood.
Almost unbidden, the image of a woman came to Lightning's mind, and she focused on that. As she did so, gradually, the blinding light faded away, leaving spots in Lightning's eyes. When they left, Lightning found a magnificent woman - no, not a woman, a *Goddess* - in front of her. She was a willowy seven feet tall, pale white, and wore a long, white, fluttering dress which seemed to flow off her body like a spring stream on a glacial mountain. Her wavy hair, equally pale, seemed to stretch forever, lost into the folds of her dress. Silver eyes sparkled with fondness as they gazed down at Lightning.
Lightning opened her mouth to speak, but the Goddess spoke first.
'My name is Etro, Claire.' The Goddess's lips didn't move, but her voice could still be heard like the chiming of church bells in the wind.
Lightning frowned. "How do you kn-"
'We met once before, and you shared everything with me.'
Lightning blinked, trying to remember the occasion. Her eyes flashed wide as she remembered: it had been in Orphan's Cradle. She... they... had gone Cie'th. Everything was cold, and dark, and then... and then... Etro had been there, and Lightning had seen a glimpse of something wonderful, and came back to her senses.
Everything had happened so quickly after that. As Lightning had come back to the world, she had heard Fang's screams of torture. She had forgotten about the Goddess's presence quickly, consumed as she had been for Fang's well being.
~Fang.~
The Goddess's eyes softened further. 'She is here too.'
Lightning's jaw dropped. "Wha-where?"
The Goddess's eyes flickered to the side, and Lightning followed them...
... and standing not two feet away, right beside her, apparently having her own concurrent conversation with the Goddess Etro, was Oerba Yun Fang. Beside Fang was Vanille, holding her hands in fists, with an emphatic expression on her face.
Fang looked exactly as Lightning had seen her in her black-out wrought dreams earlier that day - right down to the concern on her features and the fact that her mouth was opening and closing, except that those words were not directed at Lightning herself, but rather at the Goddess.
" -out of here!" Fang was saying insistently to the Goddess, "who knows how long it'll take them to find her here! It could be days, and she's hurt!"
'She will be found soon enough,' the Goddess replied. 'You all will.'
Fang quirked an eyebrow and her expression went from concerned to annoyed. "And just what is that supposed to mean?"
The Goddess didn't respond, but Lightning got the impression she was laughing.
Lightning wasn't sure what the Goddess had been discussing with Fang (or how she could hold a completely separate conversation with someone whom Lightning was certain hadn't been there a moment prior), but she soon got the gist of it.
Fang sighed, running her hand through her hair in frustration. "Look, Your Providence," Fang said, even as she looked directly at Lightning. "Please. I know she came here of her own free will, so I know it's her own damn fault for getting herself into this mess, but, I'm begging you. Don't... Don't let anything happen to her. Just let her forget about me. Let her move on."
Lightning was taken aback, both by Fang's words, as well as the open *feeling* in the way she was saying them.
'Shouldn't she be allowed to make her own choice?' The Goddess finally asked, that knowing smile still on her lips.
"No!" Fang replied, vehemently. She looked away from Lightning, regret and longing plain as day in her jade eyes. "No, because she'll make the wrong one."
Lightning's left eyebrow twitched. What the hell was Fang saying? And why the hell was Fang talking about her like she didn't think she could hear her?
Though she knew it was ridiculous, Lightning couldn't help but feel righteous anger rising inside. "Oh, you're one to talk about bad decisions!" She retorted crossly.
Fang jumped as though she'd heard from a ghost. Wiping her head back around so quickly she should have given herself whiplash, she stared at Lightning incredulously. At the same time, Vanille gave a squeal of surprise, bringing her hands to her mouth.
"And just who thought listening to Barthandelus and trying to go Ragnarok by herself was a good idea?" Lightning quipped. She stepped right up into Fang's personal space, causing the other woman to take an involuntary step back. It was strange that she couldn't feel the other woman's body heat despite being right in her face, but Lightning was, at the moment, too angry to care.
"Y-you can see me?" Fang blurted, stupefied.
"Of course I can!" Lightning cried. She took another step forward; Fang took another step back. "Dammit all, Fang, how *DARE* you try to decide my future for me! *You* of all people!"
Unable to keep her rage in check, Lightning took a swing at the taller woman.
She never connected. Her fist passed right through where Fang's jaw should have been, and she ended up swinging wildly, unbalancing herself. It was a testament to how hard she'd swung; she fell to the ground. "Ogf!"
"Light!" Fang cried, bending down to try to help Lightning up. Her hands passed right through Lightning's back. Vanille tried to help too, but found the same result.
Lightning picked herself up off the ground slowly, her heart dropping into her stomach. She stared at Fang, and then at Vanille, and saw the anguish on the other women's faces, finally understanding. "Oh... God..." Lightning breathed. She reached out, her arm trembling. "Fang... Vanille..."
Fang looked pained. Wordlessly, she reached out for Lightning too.
Their fingertips passed through each other.
Lightning swallowed the lump in her throat down. "You're... ghosts?"
'... In a sense, yes. In a sense, no.'
They turned to look at the Goddess whom had spoken. She was no longer smiling. Her eyes were sad.
'These two were given the choice of eternal life, but they could not fully go. Their bodies are now part of eternity, but their minds, their souls, are bound to this world, for they chose to protect it, and their loved ones. And so they exist, in this state, eternal, but not.'
Vanille wasn't sure what to do. The Goddess Etro had visited Fang and herself twice before, once when they had first become crystal, 500 years ago, and once again one year ago, when they had entered crystal sleep once more. During those times, she had asked them the same question: whether they wished to gain eternity.
The first time, Vanille had said yes, and she had fallen into her crystal slumber, a deep, dreamless sleep.
The second time, Vanille had said no. She wanted to look after her friends - her family - make sure everything went smoothly for them, and so her consciousness had remained, with Fang's.
She hadn't realized, at the time, just how difficult it could be, to only be able to watch over her loved ones, but not to interact with them.
Still, if she had to make the same choice again, she would, and hold out hope that maybe, one day, she *would* be able to interact with them again.
Like now.
Vanille looked over at her oldest friend; Fang was staring at Lightning, who was staring back at Fang with a look of utter disbelief on her face after the Goddess Etro had dropped the bomb on her.
It was so obvious to Vanille, that her two friends had so much they wanted, *needed*, to say to each other at that moment, but it appeared that neither of them could get those words out.
Vanille, herself, knew very well what was in Fang's heart. They had talked often enough, foolish dreams, about what they would say to their friends, if ever they were reunited. Of course, they had never imagined that it would go like this.
As Fang and Lightning continued to stare at each other, Vanille couldn't help but want to help, however she could. She looked over at the Goddess Etro, who remained silent.
~If you can't face it now... But no! No more running away! This isn't running way!~
"Um, Your Providence," Vanille finally broke the silence. The Goddess looked at her, as did Fang and Lightning. "Do you think we could... give these two some privacy? I think they have some catching up to do."
It was a bit of a sham; Etro likely saw and knew all no matter where she was, and Fang and Vanille, being in crystal sleep together, often found that they could share their consciousness, if they wished for it. Anything Lightning said to Fang, Vanille could hear, if she wanted to, but Lightning didn't have to know that for now.
"Vanille," Fang said softly.
"You don't have to go." Lightning finished quickly.
Vanille smiled at them. They were finishing each other's sentences. It was kinda cute! "But I do. Don't worry! I'll just be outside. Fang, just... call when you're finished."
Vanille gave Fang a knowing wink and then concentrated, shifting her consciousness away.
Vanille willed herself to be where Serah and Snow were, and soon found herself in their presence. She could feel the Goddess Etro beside her, though the Goddess remained silent.
Serah and Snow were currently on an air bike, driving as fast as they could to meet up with Sazh and Hope, who had finally managed to commandeer an airship. Vanille couldn't help but smile fondly as she pointed them out to the Goddess. "Look - it's Snow and Serah!" She said, before remembering who she was speaking to. "But, oh, right, you... probably already know that."
The Goddess only smiled indulgingly at Vanille.
"I'm going to follow them," Vanille said. She knew she really didn't have to explain her actions to Etro, but did so out of force of habit.
Soon, the four ex-L'Cie had all met up, and were flying at top speed towards the pillar. They had gathered in the cockpit of the aircraft, talking worriedly to each other. Vanille and the Goddess joined them.
"What the hell's going on?" Sazh shouted, even as he piloted.
"We don't know," Snow replied. "Serah and I were just at home, and suddenly the whole place started to shake, like it was an earthquake or something, strong enough to knock the dishes out of the cupboards. And the next thing I know, I swear I can hear Vanille's voice screaming at me to go find Lightning."
"I saw the same thing," Hope said, his brows furrowed. "I was in class. We were having weapon drills, and I could have sworn I saw Vanille right in front of me, saying Lightning was in trouble."
"How close are we?" Serah asked, concern obviously present in her voice, and on her face. "Oh, why didn't she tell me where she was going?" She was beside herself with worry; Snow pulled her close to him in an effort to comfort her.
"We're getting pretty close," Sazh replied. "I've picked up the GPS on her communicator. She's thrown the emergency switch. She's somewhere in the crystal pillar."
Snow boggled. "In the crystal pillar? Inside it? How'd she get in there?"
"Beats me," Sazh replied. "Worse yet, I don't think I'll be able to get anywhere close to the trunk with this thing. If we knew exactly where she was, we might be able to get close enough to lower rope, but that's only if we knew exactly where she was."
"Oh! I could tell you that!" Vanille piped up.
Stunned silence permeated throughout the cockpit.
As one, Sazh, Snow, Serah and Hope all turned back and looked at the girl who, they would swear later, had not been there a second ago.
Vanille blinked at the shocked stares she was getting. "... uh... can you guys see me?"
The stunned silence persisted.
And then erupted into chaos.
"Vanille, wait-!" Lightning called, but the younger red-headed girl had simply winked and disappeared. The soldier looked quickly to where the Goddess Etro had stood and noted that the deity too, seemed to have vanished into thin air. Lightning looked at Fang. "Where did they go?"
Fang had a faraway look in her eyes as she seemed to be concentrating on something. "She's about thirty kilometers away," Fang finally said. "She's with Snow and Serah and... oh yeah, Sazh and Hope too. They're together and headed this way."
Lightning blinked, a million questions rushing through her head. "They're headed this... wait, you can tell where Vanille is like that?"
"Hmm?" The faraway look left Fang's eyes, and she focused on Lightning. "Uh, yeah." She tapped the side of her forehead. "I think we're linked."
A thousand more questions rushed through Lightning's mind. In the end, all she could manage to say was a simple, "oh."
They lapsed into awkward silence again, and Lightning suddenly found herself keenly embarrassed, unable to look at the other woman. Lightning's mind whirred, moving at speeds nowhere near her namesake. She snuck a glance at Fang; the not-quite-alive woman had a complicated expression on her face as well and was rubbing the back of her head uncomfortably.
It was Fang who spoke first, with a soft curse under her breath. "Damn it, Light, there were so many things that I wanted to say to you, but... I don't know where to start."
Lightning looked up at Fang fully this time. "Neither do I," Lightning admitted.
How many times had she yearned for this moment? How many sleepless nights had she spent crafting suitable words in her mind?
None of them seemed appropriate.
Especially since the first thing Lightning had tried to do upon being reunited with the other woman, was to try to knock her head off.
Then, Lighting saw Fang tentatively move her hand. Instinctively, she followed the limb's motion, as it raised, stopped, and then, slowly, hesitantly, reached out to cup Lightning's cheek. A stab went through the soldier's heart as she realized she could not feel Fang's touch or warmth.
But when she turned her eyes to look back at Fang's, it was like cerulean skies meeting the bottomless jade ocean out in the horizon, and she could feel Fang's heart, Fang's feelings.
"Look at us, acting like a couple of school girls." Fang cracked a small, sad smile. "Doesn't this remind you of that night in Sulyya?"
Lightning couldn't help the blush that came to her cheeks from that special memory. She smiled.
And then, just like that, the awkwardness in the silence vanished, and the companionable, wordless understanding that they shared which they both so treasured, was back.
And all was right in the world again.
Almost.
Suddenly, Lightning realized which question, out of the dozens that had burned in her mind, was most important. "Fang?"
"Hmm?"
Lightning's voice was soft. "This... this entire year... I could feel someone... *with* me. Looking after me. That... That was you, wasn't it?"
Fang's eyes softened fondly. "Yeah. That was me."
"Was that you, in my dreams too? Telling me to move on? To not come looking for you and Vanille?"
Sadness entered Fang's eyes again. "... Yeah."
"... did you mean it?" Lightning paused, fighting down the anxiety in her stomach. "Are you and Vanille happy? Like this?"
Fang didn't answer. But the anguish in those unfathomable jade depths told Lightning all she needed to know.
The anxiety evaporated from Lightning's stomach, and she smiled. It was not like her last few, sad or small, but was one of determination. "Then in that case, I'm afraid you won't be able to stop me. I *will* bring you and Vanille back."
Fang quirked an eyebrow. For a moment, it looked like she wanted to argue, but then she sighed, and even laughed ruefully. "Yeah, I should have known better than to try to stop you."
'THEN LET US BEGIN.'
And the world exploded in blinding light once more.
Lightning opened her eyes.
She was no longer in the crystal cavern.
Instead, she was in what looked to be a ruined temple of some sort. The predominate decor of the room was crystal, or at least, once had been. There were bits of smashed columns and general rubble scattered across the room. The roof was partially collapsed; beyond it, Lightning thought she could see sky. There were no walls to the structure; beyond the broken crystal columns, Lightning could see land, a mosiac of unusual greys, browns and purples, stretching into the distance.
"Light?"
Lightning turned, and could see Fang standing beside her, an expression of supreme confusion on her face. She was holding her forehead, as though she had a massive migraine. She took a step back, and stumbled.
"Fang!" Lightning reached out to steady the other woman, catching Fang's elbow. "Are you alright?"
"I feel like I got stepped on by Titan," Fang replied. "What happened? Where are we?"
"... I don't know," Lightning admitted. And then she paused. "... Fang...?"
"What?"
"Why can I touch your elbow?"
Fang's eyes jolted wide opened, and she stared down at where Lightning was grasping her arm to steady her. A plethora of thoughts seemed to run through Fang's mind. Finally, she said, "I think... we must be in a dream. When... when you dream, I can talk to you, and touch you..."
Lightning thought about this for a moment. Yes, that made sense. When she had blacked out, falling into the cavern, she had dreamt of Fang. And in that dream, she had been able to reach out, and embrace the other woman. However, something felt distinctly different from before. "When did I fall asleep?" Lightning asked. "This... this doesn't feel like I'm dreaming."
Fang considered this. "Maybe... it's not your dream?" She tried.
Lightning's brow crinkled. "Then whose dream is it?"
'THE MAKER'S. BUNIBERZEI. WELCOME TO THE DOOR OF SOULS.'
Author's Notes & Omake
The next part will either be in-game (Part II.2), or go back to pe-game times, (Part I.2). I haven't quite decided yet, but both chapters are essentially finished, so it shouldn't take too long to get up. *sigh* Chapter 5, and we finally get moving on the post-game plot... my apologizes for the delays. I apologize for jumping around in time so much. I keep trying to go forward with plot, but realizing that more backstory would help (like Fang's comment about Sulyya in this one)...
Anyway, please bear with me! And please consider leaving a review, with a big thank you to those of you who've done so! Also, to those of you who are kinda new to the story, consider visiting my profile for an overview of how this fic is supposed to work!
In the meanwhile, please enjoy a couple of omake! Note: the first one was totally fathomed by guubear!
Cheers,
Jen-chan
OMAKE 1: Incorporeal Inconveniences
[VANILLE & ETRO have just left to give LIGHTNING & FANG some privacy.]
FANG: So... now that we're finally alone... wannafoolaround?
LIGHTNING: [Incredulous] What?
FANG: [Fakes innocence] What?
LIGHTNING: [Exasperated] I totally heard you, you know! And we can't! Hello, you're incorporeal? We can't even touch each other, much less fool around!
FANG: Oh. Right. [Pauses] So... wannamasterbatewhileIwatch?
LIGHTNING: [Incredulously] WHAT?
FANG: [Fakes innocence] What?
LIGHTNING: [Exasperated] You are totally incorrigible!
OMAKE 2: Incorporeal Opportunities
LIGHTNING: [Voice soft] This... this entire year... I could feel someone... *with* me. Looking after me. That... That was you, wasn't it?
FANG: [Eyes soften] Yeah, that was me.
LIGHTING: ... [just realizes the implication of her words] ... wait... so... you were with me, the *entire* *time*?
FANG: [Sweatdropping] Uh...
LIGHTNING: ... even when I was in the shower? Or... or...! [turns bright pink. Is too embarrassed to complete the sentence.]
FANG: [Sweatdrops grow even bigger. Rubs the back of her head guiltily] ...
LIGHTNING: Oh *GOD*! I *SO* need to *KILL* you RIGHT NOW!
FANG: [Sweatdrops the size of Cocoon] Light, it's okay! I won't judge you! Your kinks are actually kinda sexy!