"These are the times that try men's souls."

~Thomas Paine, The Crisis, 1776

Teddy Bordon stared at the hospital cot she just finished making up with great longing. She wished she could lie down for just a few moments and rest but unfortunately there was too much to do. Teddy's nap would have to wait.

It seemed anymore that she could never quite get enough sleep anyway. She always felt fatigued, and what little sleep she could manage never seemed to refresh her. Andrew being away never helped matters, and then to top it off, the order was sent out to break camp and start moving. The British were heading toward battle, she knew the routine and the move hadn't bothered her. What made it so difficult, was that Andrew was not back from patrol yet.

Teddy took the corners of her shawl in each hand and wrapped it a little tighter, tucking the ends under her arms as she crossed them. She stepped outside and glanced up and down the row of tents to see if her husband might suddenly come into view. As if she could actually will him to come to her.

Andrew's absences were something Teddy would never become accustomed to. As an Infantry officer, her late husband had been home most nights. Unless of course his regiment was preparing and moving for battle. And it wasn't so much that she missed Captain Bordon's company- although she did- desperately. It was more than that. She worried for Andrew's safety as well now that she was starting to feel more like his wife.

And she had much to tell him.

That morning of January sixteenth the mail had caught up with camp and along with a large stack of correspondence for Andrew, Teddy received two letters. The first of which was from Mr. Ramsey Edwards Sr. It was exactly what she expected; a wishy washy letter that said the family would love to have her. Yet when Teddy read between the lines, she felt their apprehensiveness over accepting a new daughter. No matter, because it was the second letter from her own mother that shocked her.

My dearest Teddy,

How happy I was to receive your letter. It has been too long since I last saw you or heard from you. I was very sorry to read that you lost your husband at Camden. Please know that although it did not appear so at the time, I was pleased that you married Captain Edwards and left this place. It is my hope that your marriage to him brought you some form of happiness while it lasted.

I know you must be shocked that I have written such a thing but I also know what a tyrant your father could be. I am sorry that his harsh ways drove you to the point of running away. There are so many things I would like to tell you. So many things I should explain.

Above all, I want you to understand that you and you sister were always wanted and loved by me. However, I was in no position to defy your father and so the only thing left to do was protect you from his wrath as much as I could, for as long as I could.

The Reverend might have said that you made your bed but the truth is, your father is now dead. I am sorry if that shocks you. I do not mourn the loss and neither should you.

I would be delighted to have you come home to me. However, I must tell you that due to the current circumstances, the trip could be very dangerous for you and I understand if you decide to stay put a while longer.

I am eagerly awaiting your reply.

Affectionately,

Mother

Teddy's mouth gaped as she read the letter a second time. Then her mind reeled as she read it a third. All those years suffering her father's abuse and not one word of understanding from her mother. Hell, she always thought her mother was on his side. Neither letter made a difference at all now; they may as well never come. Teddy's heart was entirely with Andrew, she would never leave him.

She loved him. And in loving him she discovered Andrew had a certain way about him that Teddy had never experienced before with any man- let alone Ram. For one thing, he didn't coddle and patronize like some men did. No, Andrew actually expected her to carry on intelligent conversations. Oh sure, he would jest and tease her in ways that made her realize that while Ram was the more jovial one of the two men, Andrew had a very subtle sense of humor. But he was very amusing none the less and Andrew also proved to be more affectionate than Teddy would ever guess him to be. As stoic and reserved as he was in his outward appearance, she was treated to a side of him few people knew existed.

In the previous months there had been times Teddy thought Andrew looked down his nose at her- as if she were beneath him. But knowing him as she did now, she understood it was never intentional. Andrew simply did not know what to make of someone like Teddy. After all, he was just a man. While he still confounded her at times, she was learning not to take his grumbled comments personally. The stress he was under always seemed to be the reason. It couldn't be easy with Colonel Tavington as his commander. Teddy tried to be as accommodating as possible. They were both learning, but more than that, they were set on making their marriage work.

Maybe, she reckoned, the difference was in the fact that she was no longer a seventeen year old naive little girl anymore. Andrew made her feel beautiful and cherished, worshipped and maybe just a little bit naughty sometimes. Not because he filled her head with pretty words, but because he showed her. And even in his absence, just the thought of his touch and his kiss could make the heat flood her body.

Teddy sighed and turned her face to the sun. It was late in the day but the sunlight felt good. For once it wasn't raining and she wished even more so that Andrew was there with her to enjoy the weather. Rain or shine, she would be happy if she could see him right now.

Just as Teddy turned to go back inside and finish a few more chores, an apothecary's apprentice stepped out, nearly colliding with her. She could hear a commotion going on inside and was even more surprised when the apprentice took her arm and tried to lead her away.

"You cannot go in right now, Mrs. Bordon," he said as he nervously glanced over his shoulder.

"Why ever not?" Teddy asked shrugging him off with a tinge of irritation. Then she noticed the grim expression on his face.

"It's your captain, ma'am," the apprentice answered solemnly. "He's been injured very badly. The surgeons are tending to him now. You must wait here with me until they tell me you can see him."

"Wait….what?" Teddy asked. Something inside her chest jerked. She didn't understand what he was telling her. It was as if he had just told her Andrew had been injured, so she corrected him.

"Mr. Thompson, Captain Bordon is on patrol."

"Mrs. Bordon, please try and remain calm and listen carefully," she heard him say. And then as her mind began to comprehend what he was telling her, his words seemed to distort and his explanation began to sound like babble and she could only manage to catch a few words. Something about an ambush attack by rebels, then something about Andrew being stabbed. Was he talking too fast? She must have been staring at him in a strange way because he took her arm again and guided her to a bench and sat down with her. He was so young.

"How old are you, Mr. Thompson?" Teddy blurted out, startling him a bit.

"Seventeen, ma'am," Thompson answered cautiously.

"Mrs. Bordon, do you understand what I've just told you?" He asked after a pause. "When they let you in to see him you must prepare yourself. Your husband laid at the attack site for hours, ma'am. He has lost too much blood. Captain Bordon is in shock and he is very cold. If he wakes, he might seem a little addled."

"You say he was stabbed, Mr. Thompson?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Is my husband dying?"

Was that her voice? It sounded as if it were someone else asking instead of her.

"I'm afraid so, ma'am," Thompson answered regretfully.

"Thank you for your honesty, Mr. Thompson."

Teddy stood up and went to the tent flap, pushing her way inside. This time the young Mr. Thompson did not try to stop her.

When she saw Andrew, she wished he had. Nothing could have prepared her for seeing Andrew in the condition he was in. Teddy had never seen him look so pale and waxen. Each individual freckle that she had memorized over the last five months contrasted against the ashen skin of his nose and cheeks. Even his lips seemed to be void of any color although she did notice a dark bruise on his right jaw. He was very still and she studied him carefully, watching to see if his chest continued to rise and fall before she went near him.

One of the orderlies that was normally in charge of removing the dead was kneeling a bit too closely to Andrew for Teddy's liking and she shouted at him.

"What are you doing?"

The boy jumped and defensively answered, "Nothing ma'am. I was just checking the packing as Dr. Stevens asked. That's all."

"I'll not have you sewing him into his blanket before he's taken his last breath, do you hear me?"

"I wouldn't think of it, ma'am," the boy answered as Teddy pushed him out of her way. She checked the packing herself. It was dry and that was a good thing.

One of the surgeons spoke to her for a few minutes. Teddy's eyes never left Andrew. She listened to him say something about her husband's injuries. Two stab wounds and a crack on the jaw with a musket butt. That was all, but it was still enough to kill him.

Andrew opened his eyes and stared up at her. His deep blue gaze was clouded and he had some trouble focusing on her face.

"I'm sorry, Teddy, my dearest love. It's not very fair is it?" He muttered weakly.

Normally Teddy would answer a question like that with a quip about life not always being fair, but this time it wasn't fair. This was her man. The man she should have always been with from the very start. Her man. She wasn't sure she could go through this again, but here she was….

"No, Andrew, it's not fair….to either of us."

"They just….came up over the ridge…..from nowhere….about a score of them…" Andrew struggled to explain.

"Shhhh, Andrew," Teddy soothed. "You'll exhaust yourself trying to speak too much. Mr. Thompson told me what he knew. Although I daresay I don't understand what's gotten into Colonel Tavington or why he would do such a thing."

Teddy had often found when she sat with a patient that if she fussed over them a bit she could distract them. And if she spoke fast enough they would barely get a word in and eventually give up and rest while she chattered about trivial things. When she noticed that Andrew still wore his boots it gave her something else to fuss over. She gently pulled them off and removed his stockings. His feet were freezing and she asked the same orderly she had shouted at earlier to fetch some hot bricks. The boy obeyed and Teddy smiled at her husband as he sighed when she tucked them into his blankets.

She was just straitening up when he said very randomly, "Teddy….don't forget about me."

Before she could reach his side, his eyes rolled back and closed.

Minutes later Teddy ran from the hospital tent retching. She couldn't decide which was worse, losing the entire contents of her stomach, or dry heaves. She had been determined she would not cry. Not now. Not where anyone could see her. She would make Andrew proud of her- just as she had done with Ram- rather than carry on as some women did in times of such crisis.

Some might think it silly to think of things like that in a time like this. Some might think her to be very cold or uncaring. She might consider telling them to kiss her ass. How could they possibly understand what she felt when she barely understood it herself? Yet she was determined, she would stay strong.

For Andrew.

Someone shoved a handkerchief in her face and asked if she was alright. It was like déjà vu and if it came with a marriage proposal, Teddy was very likely to throttle someone. She turned to find Colonel Tavington standing behind her and without realizing it, her eyes narrowed at the man who had caused her husband to suffer.

If Andrew hid his emotions from the world with his reserved nature, Tavington wore his as plain as day and right now he didn't look too happy. But Teddy didn't have time for him and she never really liked him much in the first place. The burning of the church in Pembroke that resulted in the rebel attack only cinched that dislike.

"How is the captain, Mrs. Bordon?"

Teddy stared at him for a moment, not really sure of what to say.

"Go see for yourself, Colonel," she finally responded.

"I can't help but feel partly responsible for what happened today."

"Partly?" Teddy mocked, her hands and knees shaking with her rising anger. "How ironic, Colonel, I was just thinking that you are entirely responsible. Your need to capture this Martin fellow borders on obsession. And for what? FOR WHAT! He slaughtered all your men and you still cannot catch him!"

Teddy turned on her heel, leaving Tavington standing alone with his guilt and his look of surprise. She was too angry and had too much to do to fear that he would have her arrested. And with that thought, she realized she had just slapped him and at the same time, assaulted an officer. She actually laughed for a moment. But by the time she reached her tent, the laughter turned into sobs.

Inside the Bordon's tent someone had left Andrews riding helmet and gear on the bed. Thankfully, they must have found it before the looters did, although his saber and pistols were missing.

Teddy wiped her eyes on her sleeve and sat down. She picked up Andrew's helmet and thought of that first time she kissed him, that look on his face as she pulled his face closer by his chin strap. She ran her fingers over the fur crest and along the satin sash band. And just as she was thinking that he would never wear it again, Teddy felt something hard under the band, tucked away into the neat folds. Curious as to what it was, Teddy worked the object out until it lay in her hand.

It was quite mangled but Teddy recognized the shining silver piece as soon as she saw it. It was her aigrette. Teddy was stunned. She had searched for the hair clip for days, even arguing with Andrew about it. She had no idea where or when her husband found it, but there it was. For whatever reason Andrew kept the battered thing, never once mentioning that it had been found.

Andrew was right, this wasn't fair. Teddy felt so angry.

She threw the aigrette across the tent, watching it smack against the canvas and fall to the ground. Then she picked up his helmet and sent it flying as well with an unladylike roar of frustration.

"GOD DAMN IT!" She screamed and then fell to her knees with a whimper.

When there no longer seemed to be any tears left to shed, Teddy got up and went over to Andrew's desk. She sat down and began to write to letters.

One to her mother, the other, to his.