Adam's POV

Wow, it's already been three months since the accident and it's nearly the end of Tommy's first trimester. It's our baby's 18 week scan today, but as far as Tommy is concerned I don't even know he is pregnant...when the truth is, I have known ever since he told me.

I can hear everything he says...I wish I could just find some way to let him know. I just feel so helpless, everyday he rushes out of my room to go throw his guts up. I remember when he was pregnant with Michelle hard how it was for him and now that I'm not there with him...I can't even imagine how hard it must be for him...to tell you the truth I don't really want to think about it, it'll just hurt me more.

I wish I could just be with him and be able to hold his gorgeous blonde bangs back for him, at least just one time and to let him know everything will be fine

I just really hope that i am going to get to wake up again and see my beautiful family. But the thing that scares me the most is waking up and not remembering anyone or anything. That would be awful, I can't even bear to imagine how bad that would be. Everything me and Tommy have been through would be gone...wasted.

The AMA's 2009

It was the 22nd of November and I was just getting ready to sing live on television for the first time since American Idol, which was now about a year ago.

I was so nervous yet so excited, Here I was... Adam Fucking Lambert that "Geeky red head theatre fag" performing as the opening act for the American Music Awards show. All I had to say to that was..."everyone who ever put me down and told me 'No', well fuck you!" I remember how powerful I was feeling, everyone who had ever put me down, called me a fag or ever doubted me...Well just look at me, who is laughing now?

I had just finished applying my eyeliner and had walked out of my dressing room to find "the pretty boy" pacing up and down the hallway, kicking at the empty floor.

"Hey Tommy, what's up?", I said in a bit of a worried but hopeful tone, after all he was only new to this business.

He then heard my voice echo through the hallway.. looking up at me he then replied, "oh hey Adam...nah I'm fine just bored and the tiniest bit nervous"

"Only the tiniest bit?" I questioned, raising an eye brow.

"oh ok fine...I'm actually... really nervous" the blonde slowly answered as if ashamed, rolling his eyes.

"oh don't worry it's perfectly normal to be nervous, everything will be fine...I'm even nervous, we all get nervous, it's only natural." I said, smiling putting an arm on his shoulder.

Then interrupting the moment my name was called over the announcer, I was on stage in 10 minutes.

Slipping my hand off Tommy's quite feminine (if I must say...) shoulders I then said smiling, "well that's me...guess I better be getting to the stage soon, I'll catch up with you later. Good luck, but trust me you don't need it"

He then smiled back, "thanks, yea you too"

gosh...i love his smile and personality it's so fucking adorable! I thought to myself as I made my way over to the stage.

The presenter than called over the microphone "Now presenting... LAMBERT singing 'For your Entertainment'!"

Well I guess this is it...wish me luck!