A/N: Okay everyone…. I know we've had a lot of no Edward and Bella… but bear with them for a little bit longer… we are so close I can taste it :)

Chapter 17 - Pain and Happiness

It had been months since I left Italy. I wandered aimlessly around the world, but nothing caught my attention. I had been a fool when I thought that I needed to deal with the pain. Now all I wanted was a way to escape it. For days at a time, I would go into a zombie-like state. Nothing could distract me from what I was feeling. Crying and breaking down did no good. The raw ache that completely overwhelmed me was always there. So many times, I would end up at the airport and would sit there for hours. I bought countless plane tickets back to Washington or Alaska from various locations, but I was never able to get on a plane and face him. I knew that facing Edward would make the pain even worse than it was now. I could not get the images of him out of my head. His dead and lifeless expression haunted me. I would fall into my meditative states and that was even worse. He was always there, looking at me with that horrid expression, or telling me repeatedly that he didn't want me.

The only thing that would stop the pain for a few precious moments were calls from Ness. She would call once a week, telling me that she missed and loved me. After the first couple of calls, I could tell that something had changed in my daughter. There was a certain joy in her that was painfully familiar. I had felt the same joy in the months I was with Edward. My little one had fallen in love and she was happy. Part of me was thrilled for her, but the other part of me was painfully reminded of just how much Edward had ripped away from me. Finally, I asked her about it. I could hear the shyness in her voice when she said that she had met someone. I asked her who he was but she had just blown it off. Whoever the boy was, I could tell she was concerned that it would bother me.

Alice called me a few times as well, but after the first couple of calls, I ignored her completely. Alice spent her time begging me to come back and talk to Edward. She said that it would fix so much. That he and I needed to talk. She might have been right, but I knew I was not ready to face him yet. I didn't know if I would ever be ready to talk to him. He had ripped my heart into pieces and yet, as much as I hurt, I still loved him completely. I would not be able to see him grieve over someone else.

About six months after I left Volterra, Ness called me and said, "Mom, I need you to come to Washington. I- I'm getting married."

I almost dropped the phone.

I asked her, yet again, who this boy of hers was and she whispered into the phone, "Jacob Black."

I hung up the phone in shock. My daughter was going to marry a werewolf. I didn't know how to handle this. Two days later Ness called me back and explained the imprinting compulsion to me. She explained that he had imprinted on her because he was her perfect mate. Then, I heard Jacob walk into the room and sigh into the phone contentedly as I talked to my daughter and decided it was high time I spoke to my future son-in-law.

"Ness, I would like to talk to Jacob," I spat out into the phone, clearly agitated.

The next thing I heard was a familiar voice on the other end, "Marie? This is Jacob Black, your daughter's fiancé. I'm glad to finally get a chance to talk to you."

I paused for a moment and abruptly said, "This is not the first time you have talked to me Jacob. I can hear that Ness is happy with you and she loves you. Due to that fact, I will leave you in one piece, but if you hurt her, you will have a score of angry vampires ready and willing to do something about it."

Jacob let out one hard laugh and then said, "I promise that I will take care of her. She is everything; she is my life now."

I cringed at those words. Edward had told me that, too, and yet I was here alone without him. Even after telling me that I was his whole life now, he still ended up saying he didn't want me and left me alone.

With that, Ness was back on the phone again anxiously saying, "Mom, the wedding is in four months. I will understand if you don't come, but mom I really want you to be there."

I heard her crying on the other end of the line, and I brokenly stuttered out, "Honey, you know I want to be there for you, I – I just don't know if I can."

With a dejected tone, I heard Ness say, "Mom, it's ok, really I understand."

I heard a shuffle, and Alice yelled, "Don't you dare, you'll just make things worse. Don't mess with things you don't understand!"

Before I could ask what Alice was talking about, I heard the most beautiful voice in the world on the other end of the line, "I don't know who you are or why you think it would ever be okay to miss this, but how could you hurt your own daughter by not showing up at her wedding? What kind of a heartless wench are you?"

I tried to stay composed but I started sobbing into the phone. I heard someone deliver a resounding smack and before I could hear anything else, I hung up the phone and turned it off.

Suddenly, I was furious. How in the world could he dare to call me a heartless wench? He was the one who had left me and turned me into the sorry mess that I was. Of course, I reminded myself, he had no idea who he was really addressing. With that thought, I began to consider going to my daughter's wedding. However, I knew that it would be completely impossible. I had no reason now to stay hidden from view. If I went to my daughter's wedding, Edward would actually find out who I was and the truth would be out. But, I knew that there was no way I could handle him rejecting me again. I would never resurface if he hurt me like that again. I was going to have to call Ness and tell her that there was no way I was going to be able to make an appearance at that wedding, as much as it hurt me.

Two days later Renesmee called me again.

Softly I heard her voice over the phone, "Mom, no one else is around right now. I am so sorry that I put you through that. I never thought he would be so stupid. He has no idea who you are, Mom. He never would have said that if he had. As it was, Esme almost killed him for treating any woman that way. Mom, I know you can't come to this wedding but Jake wouldn't stop bugging me until I tried. Mom, please say something."

I took a deep breath and said, "Honey, it's not your fault. Please don't worry about me. You are right, though. I want to be there for you so badly, but you know there is no possible way for me to be there without telling him the truth, and that is not something I can do. Maybe someday, a long time from now, I will finally be able to confront your father, but it will not be anytime soon."

I heard a pause at the other end of the line and Ness then said, "Mom, I don't know if this will be a comfort to you or not, but even though he doesn't know the truth, my father will be the one walking me down the aisle. I am going to ask him if he will do this for me tonight. I wanted to make sure you were okay with it first though. We have a unique and special relationship. Even though he doesn't know the truth, I think he senses some kind of deep connection with me."

I took in a few breaths so that my voice would come out evenly and said, "Ness, I am happy that at least in some way your father can be a part of your life. Honey, I love you. I'll talk to you soon. Bye, baby."

Quickly I heard, "Mom, wait. The guy you talked to the other day just walked up and he wants to say something to you. Would that be all right? I promise that no more name calling will be involved."

I hesitated, even though I knew I could not resist the chance to hear his voice. I told her, "Ok Ness."

I heard the phone changing hands and a very familiar sound of someone breathing on the other end of the line.

After a couple of slow even breaths, his velvet voice brokenly said, "I am so sorry. I had no right to say such things to you. I have no idea who you are and what you have been through. I care about your daughter very much. We all do. I reacted in the heat of the moment and shouldn't have. I am sure there is a good reason you cannot handle this wedding. I am sorrier than I can say that I would cause you any additional pain. Please, please forgive me?"

I wept silently as I heard him apologize to me. I knew he had no idea who was on the other end of the line but it was still soothing to hear him act as if he cared.

Finally, I choked out, "I forgive you, Edward."

Then I realized too late that he had never mentioned his name in either call and I should not know who he was by his voice alone. I heard him gasp in air. I quickly hung up and turned off my phone before he could try to figure out how I knew who he was.

After getting off the phone, I realized that when I had told him that I forgave him, I meant for far more than his angry outburst. I was forgiving him for all of it: all the pain and his rejection of me. I was truly forgiving Edward and my heart broke again as my hate for what he had done vanished away, and the only feeling left was the anguish for the love I had lost.

And because I am amazing I'm going to give a tiny preview for the next chapter :) This means I expect lots of reviews for this one…

Preview:

I composed myself and said, "Hello Edward."

Shakily, he replied, "Hello love."

And that is all you get until this weekend :) Review and I might post sooner rather than later :)