A/N: Alright… here it is :) Edward and Bella face to face at last :) Read more at the end of chapter…
Chapter 18 - Edward
A month passed, but I was unaware of it. After I hung up the phone and turned it off that day, I was pulled back under into my zombie-like state. I came out of it when I realized I was so thirsty I was going to lose control if I didn't feed soon, and slip up for the first time and hurt one of the humans around me. As it was, it took every ounce of my control and strength to make it out of the city, and I had to drain half a dozen predators before my thirst was satiated enough to quiet the burning.
When I made it back to my room at the hotel, I dealt with the very angry manager and paid him for the two weeks I was behind and then took care of the next two months. He seemed somewhat placated by the advanced pay and sent up someone to clean the room I was living in. The cleaning staff just annoyed me. I had to take the time to make the room look lived in, even though I had spent the whole time on the couch. Even with my efforts, the staff looked at me oddly, and was very uncomfortable being in the same room with me.
With sudden guilt, I realized that my phone had been off for a whole month. I listened to the messages and heard Ness get more and more frantic with each one. Finally, the last one made me extremely anxious.
Nessie's voice rang out from the speaker in an unusual cheer, "Mom, I am coming to France. I had A-Alice locate you. I will be there in three days. I want to see my mom before my wedding."
With that, she sharply hung up the phone and I heard the date. I then really started to panic. That meant that Ness was showing up at my hotel today. I hurriedly threw myself into the shower and got cleaned up. As much of a mess as I was, there was no way I was going to let Ness find cause to worry about me even more. There was nothing I could do however, about the expression on my face, the pain and grief would be etched there, plain for her to see, but at least I would look decent otherwise.
Just as I threw on a dark blue sundress, I heard a knock at the door. I literally ran to the other side of the room. My little one was on the other side of the door. I really was missing her terribly. I undid the locks, threw the door open, and froze in shock. Ness wasn't the one on the other side of the door. Edward was standing there looking at me as if a ghost was staring back at him. I had no cloak on and when I heard him gasp, I knew the truth was out and I was going to have to face him after all these years.
We stood there, staring at each other for the longest time. We were both frozen vampire statues. I was drinking him in, memorizing every line of his face, every bronze hair on his head and all the flecks of gold in his topaz eyes. He stared at me too, like someone seeing the sun for the first time. I could hardly handle it. Here he was looking at me as if he still loved me even though I knew that he couldn't. I saw his left hand twitch slightly. Suddenly, his arms were around me and he was crushing his lips into mine.
In that moment, all my defenses shattered. I didn't care that he didn't want me anymore, I didn't care that he said he didn't love me. I didn't care that he would leave; all I wanted was to kiss him like this forever. Every once in a while he would break the kiss and would moan my name before pressing his lips into mine again. The look in his eyes was frantic. It made me want to hope that somehow, it was all a misunderstanding and he loved me after all. I knew that allowing that kind of hope in would kill me when he left, and it gave me the courage to push myself out of his arms and run across the room.
He stared at me in shock and I replayed the DVD that he had given me a lifetime ago in my head, reminding myself that he didn't love me or want me.
With that, I composed myself and said, "Hello, Edward."
Shakily, he replied, "Hello love."
He paused, smiling at me, and then continued at a frantic pace, "I thought I had lost you for good. To see you standing here, I hardly know what to do. Bella, come home, love. Please. I lied to you on that DVD but never before that, love. I left to keep you safe. At every turn, it seemed like you being around me was only causing you pain. I couldn't continue to hurt you. I made the DVD and we left, but only because I wanted to give you the chance at a normal life. You could never have had that with me. I wanted to give you a life free of the supernatural and I couldn't even do that completely. I left everything I had taken under a loose floorboard in your bedroom in Forks. I couldn't bear to not leave something with you. Victoria came after you. I chased her to keep you alive. Then Alice had a vision of the fact that you had gone missing. We followed leads until Kate accidentally let her conversation with you in airport slip. Something inside me died that day. I thought that you never loved me. That you left out of guilt. I knew where you had gone and tried to get to you. Then they mistakenly identified a dead pregnant girl as you. I wanted to end my life but something held me back. When the truth slipped out of Nessie's mind, I couldn't believe it. I begged her until she told me everything. I had her set this up, so I could finally set things straight, hoping somehow that you still loved me. Bella, I'm so sorry, love. Please, give me another chance, sweetheart."
As he spoke, I kept chanting to myself that I could handle this. I could act like an adult and keep myself under control. I would not allow him to see how much he had hurt me. He couldn't know that I still loved him. I knew that he was here out of guilt. He had never loved me and I would not allow him to live a lie again. I loved him more than that. Edward kept on saying how much he loved me and that he had left for my own good. He left so that I would have a chance at a normal life. When he heard the truth slip from Nessie's mind, he had begged her until she gave him the whole truth. I couldn't really blame her for that. Here was her father, begging her to tell him everything and I knew from personal experience that Edward Cullen was a hard man to resist. I knew that he couldn't be telling me the truth. If he were, I would know it. Something inside me would click. I knew that he had loved someone else far more than he had ever loved me. Someone else had put that tortured look on his face. The woman that he had loved more than me, that had left him behind.
Eventually, he stopped talking and looked at me with a deep searching glare. He was trying once again to read me. This time I would let him. I smiled slightly, got up, and went towards the door. I knew that once I told him what I wanted him to hear, I would have to get out. He would try to convince me that he was telling the truth and I knew that if I listened too long, I would believe him. I wanted to believe him, but I knew better. I unlocked the door and opened it slightly. I heard a moan of pain escape his lips. My mind struggled with this. He is moaning in pain because I'm walking away. Is it possible that he really does love me? No, it's not possible. I would not believe him. I knew better than to believe him. He lied to me for so long and so well, I knew that I couldn't believe him. He needed to know the pain he had caused so that no one would ever have to go through what I went through again. I turned back to face him and fixed a peaceful expression on my face. Then, I lifted the shield from my mind. Silently, I called his name in my head. Suddenly, his face contorted and he gasped out my name. I knew I had his attention and I gave him a slight smile.
Then I did the hardest thing I had ever done, and thought at him with all my might, "Edward, I have loved you from the day I met you, but I know that you will never feel the same way. I can't believe that you love me. I saw the pain that other girl put on your face. I know that you loved her and were with her after me. If you care for me at all, you will leave me be and never come near me again. Tell Ness I love her and I do not blame her. It was foolish of me to think she could live with you and you would not find out the truth. I think I wanted to finally be able to confront you and give you a chance to know your daughter. Edward, I love you. Please stop feeling guilty and be happy. Goodbye, love."
Edward was frozen with a look of horror on his face. I knew that he had no idea that I knew about the girl he had fallen for after me. I used his shock as my opportunity to escape. I ran out the door at vampire speed and away from him.
Behind me, in the distance, I heard his voice scream, "Bella NO!"
Every part of me wanted to turn back and go to him, but then I let the DVD replay in my head and heard him say that he didn't want me again. I ran for the trees, and away from the love of my existence.
I don't know how much later I came back to my senses. I was curled up on the forest floor somewhere far from the hotel in Paris that I had been staying in. I had run so blindly away from him that I couldn't recall how I had gotten here. Something about these woods was familiar but the sunlight around me was extremely bright and the rainbows my skin was producing in the light were blinding. Of course, it didn't really matter where I was. I was alone again and I knew that Edward didn't want me. I was at war with myself. The logical part of me knew the truth. Edward had loved someone else and had gone after me once he realized that I was his only chance at some happiness. Moreover, I knew he felt guilty and responsible for what had happened to me. After all, he had left me behind pregnant and alone. He had forced me into the waiting arms of the power hungry Volturi council. Of course, the end result of that had benefited and changed the vampire world forever. However, a small part of me was screaming louder and louder and was getting hard to ignore. That small part of me was daring me to hope that he had told me the truth and he really did love me. That he had left me all those years ago to keep me safe and that leaving me had killed him. That he had lied to me only once, when he sent me that DVD that had ripped my heart to pieces. There was something he had said that made me question the truth. He had taken everything from me when he left that might remind me of him, like my ring, and he had removed himself from all my pictures. He had deleted every picture file off my phone and he had taken my junior yearbook where there had been half a page article featuring the two of us because we had been chosen the two most likely to marry right after graduation. He had taken everything from me that was any physical evidence of him. Of course, that had all proven to be completely pointless once I realized I was pregnant. Our daughter was more than enough of a reminder of him, especially in her bronzed ringlets and her expressions that mimicked his completely, even though she had never spent a day with her father. However, he had said that when he left, he could not bear to take everything away from me. He had hidden my things with him in them underneath the floorboards in my room. This small screaming part of my head was telling me to go back to Forks and find out if he had been telling the truth. I fought it with every fiber of my being. I was scared that it wasn't true, but on the other hand, it scared me just as badly that it might be true and I had just thrown him away - the one person who could ever make me happy.
Finally, after countless hours lying on that spot of forest floor torturing myself mentally, I pushed myself off the ground and began to run towards the faint lights I could see with my enhanced vision. When I came close to the tree line, I gasped. The forest had looked familiar for a reason; the faint lights I had seen in the distance were the walled city of Volterra glittering into the night sky. I ran as fast as my feet could carry me back to my old home. I knew I could stay in the castle safely and sort things out.
As I walked towards the castle, two unfamiliar faces stopped me at the doors. I tried to press past them, never having needed permission to enter these doors before. They growled at me quietly.
I rolled my eyes at them and said, "My name is Bella, I am a former member of the guard. Jane, Alec and Marcus will welcome me with open arms."
The two vampire brutes took half a step back in shock and awe that I knew their new master's names, let alone that I had the gall to say I would be in favor with them. They looked at each other for a moment and then one of them ran into the castle. Before I knew it, I heard two pairs of vampire feet moving swiftly towards me. The doors were flung open, the guard returned with an abashed look on his face, and Alec stood there looking at me with a beaming smile spread across his face. I laughed lightly at my friend and carefully wrapped my arms around him in a loose hug. I was back in familiar walls, with people I could trust. I heard the doors close behind me and I felt like I was as close to home as I would ever be outside of a small rainy town in Washington.
End notes: Okay… I'm evil I know ;) But they won't be apart for too long… Do you really think that now he knows she's okay and has a way to contact her he's going to let her go?
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