RENESMEE POV
I sit in my room alone, my cell phone in one hand, the small wolf statue Jake gave me in the other. Jake's number is pulled up on the screen of my phone, and all I have to do is click it and I will be connecting myself to him. My mother's mind shield is around us all – she always keeps it in place when we leave the comfort of our home. I don't know if she keeps it around Alec though, I've never bothered to ask. If a vampire were to want to harm a human, I think the last thing they would resort to would be their extra abilities.
My parents have already told me it is up to me to decide when I need to contact Jake again. It's been over four months since I last saw him, and I miss him desperately. I have long forgiven and forgotten what he did to me. My memory of it has faded with the scars and now it is just a repressed thought and three thin, hardly noticeable lines.
With shaky hands, I press on his number and bring the phone to my ear. Everyone is downstairs, talking loudly for vampires and caught up in partying since we haven't seen the Denali's in so long. Nobody is going to notice me. Alec is asleep next door, but if I happen to wake him up then I'll know before he is even fully awake.
When the phone rings, I am filled with excitement. It isn't dead, it isn't disabled, it isn't smashed to smithereens in an abandoned forest.. He could very well have it on him right now.
On the third ring, someone picks up. A second later, a voice I have missed so much it hurts says, "Renesmee?" Jake sounds full of delight and hope.
"Hey Jake." I laugh a little, sounding kind of crazy, while trying to choke back my tears.
"Is everything okay?" He asks worriedly.
"Yeah, everything is fine. I just.. I miss you, Jake." I tell him with a few tears sliding off my cheek.
"I miss you too, Nes." He says quietly.
"Where are you?" I ask him.
"A motel in a small town of Texas. I've been here a couple days. I've mostly just roamed." He sounds so lonely, tired, and void of happiness.
"I want you to come back to me, Jakey." I whisper.
"I want to come back to you." He murmurs softly, probably thinking of the same thing I am. Jake's arms around me, his skin against mine, together again after so long.
"We're in Alaska for winter break. Staying with the Denali's. I want to meet with you away from my family. Remember that little meadow we used to go to? Maybe we could meet there." I suggest.
"I can be there by tomorrow night." He tells me.
"But, Jake.. Before you even consider coming, you have to know that I am still with Alec. I like him a lot. You and I both know that it will never work out between him and I though. He is a human, and I will never be able to be that. Destiny has already made it clear that I am to be with you. So just let me have my fun with him, okay? Let me try to be a typical teenager for a while?" I beg him. There is a long pause.
"I know it's hard feeling like you have no say in who you end up with. I will handle your relationship with the human because I know how scary imprints can be. But honestly, Nes, I can't imagine anyone who I would rather have imprinted on. You're perfect in every single way. I love you more than anything. I hope maybe one day you might see that more clearly. I'll call you when I get close." And the line goes dead.
The water works really start up. I flop myself on my bed and cry miserably. Poor Jacob.. All he has ever done is loved those who practically torture him by loving others. Others that were wrong for them in every factor, whether it be because they were immortal or mortal. I refuse to be another scar on Jake's heart. I am going to be the one that mends every break in him. I will someday be his Renesmee, not Alec's Carlie. I just don't know when that day will come. Right now, it feels like it is a lifetime away.
The next day Alec and I and everyone I expected to come went snowboarding. Alec was pretty impressive, managing quite well with a group of people that have much more dexterity, quicker reflexes, better eyesight, and much more durability.
"So when did you plan on telling me you are an Olympic gold medalist in snowboarding?" Alec asks, shaking snow from his hair like a dog as we drive back down to the house in one of the vehicles with four-wheel-drive that Eleazar lent me for Alec's safety.
"I have a lot of experience. We come up here all the time." I tell him with a smile.
"I guess I'm going to have to play catch up." He grins. When we got home, we ate dinner and then everyone watched a movie. Alec and I sat on the love seat together, kissing every now and again even under Dad's watchful eye.
Alec and I walked upstairs to go to bed after the movie ended. I've already talked to my family about my meeting with Jacob and told them things are in control now and they don't need to be around. They're leaving for a night in the city now. Alec doesn't know, of course. "Come inside my room for a minute?" He asks me with a cute little smile that I can't say no to even though I'm anxious to get to the meadow.
"What's up?" I ask him casually, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. He comes and stands in front of me, twining his fingers into my hair. I smile at him, mesmerized by his green eyes.
"Nothing. I just wanted a couple minutes alone with you." He murmurs, leaning down and kissing me. I feel guilty about going to meet with Jake, knowing there are feelings in me that are more than friendly for him, but quickly decide this is just a reunion of friends.
Alec presses me down on the bed, supporting his weight as he lays on top of me. I run my hands down his chest, feeling his muscles. As Alec kisses down my neck, I realize Jacob needs a place to stay. I'm not going to make him run all the way here to just turn around and run all the way back to wherever the hell he came from. So either I tell Alec, or I hide Jake. The simplest one is the former.
"Alec.." I murmur, not really wanting to break the embrace yet. He doesn't acknowledge his name, just kisses down my collarbone to my cleavage, where he stops, returning to my lips. I push him back after a second, feeling wretched, and sit up.
"Did I so something wrong?" He asks in confusion.
"No, of course not. It's just.. I have something to tell you." I sigh, staring out the window at the starry night.
"What is it?" He looks concerned and worried.
"My best friend, Jacob Black, the guy from my party, he is coming out here tomorrow to stay with us for a little bit." I say nervously. Alec freezes, staring straight ahead, almost as if caught in a flashback. Maybe he is thinking of the death glare Jake gave him the night of my party.
"Are you screwing with me?" Alec asks, eyes wide.
"I'm sorry.. But you have to trust that we are just friends. I would never, ever even think of doing anything with him. And he respects our relationship." I say sincerely, not sure all of that is true but making myself believe it is so Alec will believe me.
"I don't want to turn into a possessive, controlling, jealous boyfriend but I feel like I will with him around. I really don't want you to see me like that." Alec looks genuinely fearful of me seeing him in such a way. I've seen Alec get pretty jealous before, and even a little possessive. It's kind of cute.
"A little jealousy is most definitely not enough to change my view of you even a little." I tell him, brushing his hair out of his face.
"Then I look forward to finally meeting Jacob Black." Alec grins, catching my hand and pressing it against his lips. I smile at him, then kiss him, give Cullen a quick pet, and leave. I listen as Alec prepares for bed, changing clothes myself.
I go from plaid pajama pants and a simple white tank top, to a much more formal look. I haven't seen Jake in forever and want to look good for him. I put on a short navy blue bubble dress with a beaded design at the top. I let my curls spiral loosely, and put on a pair of long beaded earrings. I wear flat since I am going to be running. My outfit isn't the best for Alaskan wilderness, but like I'm going to get cold.
I stare at my wrist. There is the amethyst bracelet Alec gave me for my birthday, and then the charm bracelet Jake gave me. On my right hand is promise ring Alec gave me. I reluctantly take the bracelet and ring off. I don't need Jake noticing either and becoming upset.
I make sure Alec is asleep, and then quietly slip out the window. I run through the chilling wind, realizing about a mile from the house how damn cold it really is out here. I am actually shivering.
I find the meadow easily. I hear Jake's heartbeat from way off, but it still is surprising when I see him leaning casually against a small tree. I haven't seen him in so long that, for a moment, I think I'm dreaming.
He looks gorgeous, wearing only a pair of cut off jeans, exposing the intense muscles of his arms, chest, stomach, and legs. His copper skin is smooth and flawless. His hair is shining in the moonlight, strands of black falling over each other on his forehead. His rich brown eyes sparkle as he sees me.
"Renesmee.." He breathes. I smile, in awe of his sheer beauty and overwhelmed by longing. I rush to him, throwing myself in his arms. He hugs me tightly, burying his face in my hair as I bury my face in his hot shoulder, hugging him around his neck. I begin crying and he shushes me gently.
"It's okay, baby. It's okay. Don't cry." He whispers, sounding like he is about to cry himself. I pull back, wiping my tears away.
"It's been so long." I sigh, placing my hands on his chest, feeling the contours of his muscles.
"I'm so sorry for everything.." He brushes his fingers through my hair.
"Don't talk about it. It's the past. I'm just so happy you're here now." I laugh, hugging him again briefly. We walk over to the large rock we used to sit on when I was a kid. He brushes the snow off, taking a seat and gesturing for me to sit on his lap. I do so, snuggling into him for warmth.
We talk for hours. It's easy, natural, and comfortable. He makes me laugh, there are a few moments where I cry, and most of all, he makes me happy. Joyous, really. I've missed him more than I can describe.
As the morning sun moves up from the horizon, I tell him I have to go. "Go hang out around that coffee shop we used to go to. I'll explain things to Mom, and she'll come get you. She'll take you shopping for clothes and then take you back to the house. I've already talked to Alec, and he said he would be fine with you staying with us. I'm sure Tanya won't mind a bit."
"You had to ask him permission?" Jake's eyes narrow, moving me aside and jumping off the rock.
"Please don't, Jake. He has decided to be civilized about this, and I would hope you could be too. I don't want to feel like I'm babysitting children." I frown, jumping down next to him.
"Fine, fine, I'm sorry. I might be better, but it's still hard to deal with. Just please try to find some time for you and me to be together without him, that's all I ask." Jake gives me his lovely, bright, easy-going smile that just melts my heart.
"Of course. " I smile back at him, placing one hand on his cheek.
He sighs, then grabs me suddenly by my waist and hugging me. I hug him back tightly, loving the feel of his body pressed so tightly against mine. He pulls back slightly, just enough to where I can look into his yet still feel his warm breath on my face. "I love you, Nessie." He whispers, eyes scorching with intensity.
I smile slightly, relishing in the words. They feel so right. I've heard them a million times, and even though I have a boyfriend now, it would feel wrong not to respond to them. "I love you too." I whisper back, my eyes just briefly flickering from his eyes to his full, pearl-pink lips. God damn it, Renesmee, get a hold of yourself! You have a boyfriend! I internally scream and chastise myself, and then move away from Jacob just as I see him lean down to kiss me.
"I'll see you soon." I tell him soberly, turning my back on him and walking slowly towards the edge of the meadow. I give Jake one last look and then head back for the house. He watches me go, and when I am a ways away I hear him take off.
I return home, going in through my bedroom window. I hear Alec coming out of the shower just as I get inside. Desperate for just a minute of sleep, I throw back on my plaid pajama pants and tank top, wipe off my make-up, pull my hair into a ponytail, and yank out the earrings. I dive under the blankets of my bed, crashing as soon as my head hits the pillow.
"Carls? Come on, baby, wake up." Alec's voice murmurs in my ear.
I groan, "Five more minutes."
"No, come on, we need to go if you want to have time to hit the slopes and get back in time to meet Jacob at the door." Alec gently nudges me by my shoulder.
"Fine, fine, I'm up." I slowly sit up, opening my eyes and letting them adjust to the light Alec turned on. Alec looks gorgeous, as always, with his hair damp and in only a pair of jeans, a look I'm really starting to love on him. He grins at me, enticing me with his romantic, mischievous, devilish charm. Oh, God, how I want him..
I listen carefully throughout the house. Everyone is still gone.. That's weird.. Means either someone slipped up and they're busy fabricating and comforting, or Alice found a mall that opens at day break and made them all wait with her. Either is pretty scary.
"You look beautiful." Alec tells me, looking completely honest and genuine. I'm wearing pajamas, no make up, and my hair is up in a sloppy pony tail. I think this hardly counts as beautiful, but the fact that he took the time and care to say it to me now of all times means a lot to me.
I grab him and push him down on my bed, sliding out from the covers to lay on top of him. He pushes us back with the palms of his hands so we are more centered on the bed.
I tangle my fingers into his hair, my tongue meeting his passionately. His hands slide up my shirt with almost no hesitation, caught up in the moment like I am. Since I am not wearing a bra, he is met with bare skin. His fingers squeeze softly, experimentally.
"Carlie.." He moans as my hips gyrate against his, pressing against the hard bulge there. My lips move against his until he begins kissing down my neck, something I have figured he loves to do. He sucks on my neck passionately and my hands rub against his stomach muscles.
I hear three cars coming down the drive. "Fun's over." I tell Alec, getting off him.
"How do you know?" He asks, lounging languidly on my bed.
"I just do. I'm thinking today should be a stay in and watch a movie day. We can pick up where we left off. But they are always listening, okay? So you can't make any noises. Even the smallest ones. Now go get a shirt on." I instruct. He leaps to his feet, looking excited, and gives me one last kiss before heading out to his room.
But as the cars come closer, I realize there is a heartbeat in them. Alice must have saw what I told Jake, and they already went and got him. Alec is going to be pissed at our plans being ruined. I run out of my room and into his. He is pulling a shirt over his head.
"On second thought, I think we should go for a walk and then come back and watch a movie. And Cullen should come with us, of course." I tell him hurriedly, then leave before he can ask questions. I race into my closet and throw on a pair of skinny jeans, knee-high dark blue boots, a heavy gray coat, a dark blue scarf, and black gloves. I am yanking on my coat and heading into my bathroom as I hear my family walk into the living room. I put my hair down and brush it out, put on mascara and gold eyeshadow, and lip gloss.
Alec knocks on my door just as I'm finishing up. I answer with a breathless smile. He is smiling too, wearing a pair of denim jeans, a white cashmere sweater I got him last month, a scarf with alternating bands of black and gray that I also got him, a furry gray coat, black gloves, and plain gray tennis shoes.
"You didn't dress Cullen?" I frown as I look down at the little white fluff ball at his feet who looks up at me with sparkling blue eyes at the mention of his name.
"He doesn't like wearing clothes." Alec informs me.
"Oh, not true. You just never put them on him. Come here, Cullen, Mommy will put something nice and warm on you." I pick him up and carry him back inside my room. I brought a collection of clothes for him figuring that Alec wouldn't bring any.
"He already has a coat on!" Alec argues uselessly, following us inside my room.
"Well that just isn't enough, is it pookie?" I talk to Cullen in my dog-voice, which goes up and down and is pretty embarrassing, but I don't get embarrassed around Alec much anymore. My dog voice is also my baby voice, and for a moment, the scene around us changes. I see me walking into a nursery holding a baby boy in my arms with an older Alec following behind me. Snowflakes fall outside the window, and Alec is insisting on making our son look cool instead of actually keeping him warm.
I return to my room after only a brief second in that parallel universe. I grab the small bag dedicated just to Cullen's clothes, and pull out a small, red jacket-vest with a fur-lined hood and put it on him. "Now don't you just look like a handsome little man?" I coddle Cullen, then put his leash back on. I turn to Alec and notice him staring at my nightstand where the amethyst bracelet and promise ring lay in a little pile. His green eyes flash down to my wrist where the charm bracelet is just barely visible, and the up to my eyes with accusation and hurt.
"I took them off to take a shower." I lie miserably. I mean, forget the poor execution, it was just an awful lie in the first place!
"I'm sure." He says bitterly, turning abruptly and heading for the door.
"Alec, please, let me explain." I catch his wrist, holding him back.
"You mean wait to hear a bunch of lies? No thanks." He rips his wrist free of my hand.
"Don't do this, Alec. Please. I can't tell you. I honestly can't. You dont want to hear it. I took the jewelry off in hopes of not blowing Jake's temper because things get pretty ugly when that happens. But look, I'm putting it back on, okay? Just don't be angry with me, please. I need you." I beg pathetically, my eyes wide and filling with tears. I grab the ring and slide it on my finger, but am unable to clasp the bracelet because of my shaking hands.
He watches me for a moment, before sighing and walking over to me. He gently takes the bracelet and clasps it on. I collapse into his arms and begin sobbing.
It's the first time Alec has ever seen me cry. He holds me gently, brushing his hands through my hair. He sinks to the ground with me in his arms.
I wonder if he knows why I'm crying. Probably not. I'm crying because I hate lying to him. I hate sneaking around and covering things up. He doesn't even know my real name! I hate all of this. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate it!
"I want to tell you something." I sniffle, pulling back and wiping my damp eyes.
"What is it?" He asks in a soft, gentle voice.
"My name isn't Carlie." I blurt out. What's the harm in telling him this? I don't think he's going to guess my family is a clan of vampires by knowing my name.
"I know, Renesmee." He murmurs almost timidly. I freeze up, my entire body going rigid.
"H-how.." I trail off, caught very much off guard. Scared and startled, I break free of his grip, scrambling away from him. I stare at him from about seven feet away, wary and frightened. How could he possibly know?
"I know it's going to sound crazy, and I know you're going to make up some impossible lie, but you fell asleep yesterday and I saw your dreams through your hand." He admits. My breathing hitches and my heart begins to pound. I made a huge slip up. I guess I can't even go to sleep with my boyfriend without him finding out something huge about me.
"A-alec.." I stutter, my body trembling. My dream.. What did I dream about yesterday? I'm pretty good about remembering dreams, what with my vampire memory and all..
Yesterday I dreamed about Jake and I running through the woods. Great, he saw Jake as a wolf. And heard my name, saw me running at immortal speed, and saw me address my real parents. Then I dreamed of.. Oh, damn. I had a nightmare after that. One where I saw myself as a blood-thirsty fiend who killed Alec with the Volturi watching.. He saw himself dead, and saw me as the culprit. He saw a bite wound in his neck, and my mouth bloodied. This is.. This isn't good.
"Come here, baby." He whispers soothingly, opening his arms for me. I stare at him, very much unsure. How could he even bear to touch me after seeing all that? Unless he is an idiot, which I'm sure he isn't, he must know that I am most likely not the same species as him. I am a monster. Why hasn't he run away screaming?
ALEC POV
Carlie, or Renesmee, or whoever she is, is trembling, breathing unsteadily, and looks on the verge of another round of tears. Her fear triggers a protectiveness in me, a need to hold her and comfort her. But I am the one who has scared her out of her wits. How can I possibly be the one to soothe her?
"It's okay. You're alright. I'm alright. We're going to be okay." I murmur, hoping it's true. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know who this girl I am falling in love with is, and I really don't know what she is actually. I'm confused and scared, but she matters more. Her being alright matters the most.
"I would never hurt you." She tells me, almost like she is trying to convince herself, staring at me with moist chocolate-brown eyes.
"I know, baby. Of course you wouldn't." I assure her. I don't know what she is, though I'm beginning to believe it's not human, and I don't know just how dangerous she is. But I'm sure her hurting me, though most likely accidentally, is a huge possibility.
"I think you need to just forget everything you saw, think you know, or even know you know. You're getting much too close to it all than I am comfortable with. I really don't want to have to leave." Her eyes have become cold and distant in a matter of half a second, and her body is rigid and tense. She stands up abruptly, entering her bathroom and closing the door behind her. I sit on the floor for a while in confusion. I stand up awkwardly, not sure if that is a sign to leave her alone. I grab Cullen, about to exit, when the bathroom door opens again. She has fixed her make-up and straightened out her clothes and composed herself. That's what happens when I don't press her. Give her a millisecond to gain composure and she clings to it as if her life depends on it. Then she fixes herself and you have lost the chance to find out the truth.
"Ready for our walk?" She smiles brightly, holding out her hand towards me. I am a bit shocked. It's like nothing has happened, like I hadn't realized that she is an entirely different species than me. Did that even happen? Was I daydreaming? What the hell is going on?
"Renesmee..?" I test out the name, gauging her reaction.
"I think you should stick to Carlie." Her pleasant smile never falters, her tone remaining impossibly perky. So it did happen, and this is all a facade. Okay, I guess I'll have to work with it. I smile back just as brightly, clenching Cullen's leash so tightly my knuckles turn white in one hand, while being ginger and careful as I lace my fingers through Carlie's.
She leads me down the stairs, where we find her entire family sitting and talking loudly and robustly in the living room, completely consumed with their conversation. The chatter ceases as we enter the room though.
"Hey, Carlie." The tall, tanned guy in the corner, whom I know as Jacob, says cheerfully.
"Jake!" Carlie squeals, running up and hugging him. It's a brief hug, one that says "acquaintances" at most, but a rush of jealousy runs through me, quickly chased away by an unexplained dose of calmness. Maybe I'm in such shock from everything I've been uncovering that I have no room for such intense emotions like rage or jealousy or hatred. Yet, through it all, I can still love Carlie with every fiber in my being.
"Jacob, this is my boyfriend, Alec. Alec, this is my best friend, Jake." Carlie introduces us, breaking me out of my brief thought-consumed trance.
"Nice to meet you." I walk a few steps, extending my hand, careful not to get too close. Almost like we're animals, him the larger lion, and I have to be cautious about not encroaching on his territory. He stares at me a few seconds, then slowly walks over and shakes my hand. His grip is firm, one step from painful, and his hand is even hotter than Carlie's. We exchange one shake and then each quickly pull away and retreat backwards. Carlie watches the whole scene with calculating eyes, as if she is prepared for something to go tragically wrong. I'm on edge, and getting uncomfortably hot in my heavy coat, scarf, and gloves. Cullen's leash in still tight in my hands, and he has prickled up, staring warily at Carlie's family like he always does. He doesn't like any of them, but enjoys Carlie's company. It's strange, but definitely not the strangest thing I've noticed about the Cullen family.
"We're going on a walk." Carlie announces, grabbing my hand again.
"Where to? When will you be back?" Bella asks like a concerned parent. The scene where Carlie called her mom flashes through my head. Edward's, Bella's boyfriend (or maybe even husband, I don't really know anymore), eyes flash to my face as if he heard what was I thinking. He looks surprised and frightened, his golden eyes very confused as he stares at my face.
Golden eyes.. All of Carlie's family has gold eyes, except her. They were all adopted, so how could they all have the same color of eyes while Carlie, who is biologically related to one of them, is way off with her swirls of shades of brown. I've noticed this before, but never really thought about it. With everything else I'm realizing, though, it now weighs in more heavily than it ever has, but I can't find a rhyme or reason for it. It's just weird, though, like everything else I can't explain.
"On the path through the forest that I've been on a million times. And I don't know, maybe around one or two." Carlie shrugs. I glance at the grandfather clock ticking in the corner. It's ten thirty. Three or four hours alone with Carlie? Maybe I can press something out of her.
"I don't think that is such a good idea." Edward says in a low, menacing voice, his lips pressing into a hard line as he stares at me. My blood runs cold. I suddenly have the most unnerving feeling that he could very easily kill me, and would like it very much. My adrenaline starts running as I stare into the topaz eyes of a predator, a killer, a demon. Something awful and evil that my instincts scream at me to get away from.
"B-bathroom." I stutter, dropping Cullen's leash and all but running from the room towards the bathroom just down the hall. I lock myself in, sitting on the floor and giving myself some time to catch my breath. After about five minutes, I stand up slowly and walk back to the living room. Everyone is gone except for Carlie, who sits in a chair staring blankly at the far wall, so still she looks dead, with Cullen lethargically lounging in her lap.
"Is everything okay?" I ask after a minute of watching her and waiting for her to move.
"No, Alec. Everything is not okay." She slowly moves her gaze to my face, her expression grim and hopeless.
"I'm sorry." I whisper, feeling somehow responsible though I don't entirely know what's wrong.
"Don't be. I'm sorry. And you know what really sucks? I can't even tell you why I'm sorry. I can't tell you anything about myself, another thing I have to be sorry for." She laughs dryly, sounding almost crazy.
"I don't know what to say." I murmur, nervous and very anxious.
She stares at me for a long while before saying in a distant voice, "I think now would be a great time for that walk."