A/N: Okay… I'm sorry this is later than normal and that it's so short… but the next chapter is long…. I promise…

Thanks Jennifer Masen… you were a huge encouragement :)

Thanks to all my reviewers… you guys are amazing!

Chapter 19 - Volterra changed

I did feel like I was home, but it was like going home after an extended vacation. Everything was familiar, yet everything had changed. My room was the same as before. Nothing had been moved since the day Ness and I left, but it still felt like something was missing. We were gone – and our room was nothing but a shell now. I could not bring myself to raise the curtain to look at the portrait of Carlisle that was underneath. Reminders of the Cullens would make the pain I was feeling even worse.

I spent time with the new council, and it seemed the new vampire royalty were doing a phenomenal job. They felt the weight and responsibility of their office and treated it with great respect and humility. The guard was larger than it ever had been, attracting individuals with extremely powerful talents. Now that the guard was not a forced position and members could leave any time they wished, with no hard feelings, the group had flourished and thrived. The Volturi were no longer something to be scared of, but something to be respected and honored. The job of policing the vampire world was still theirs; however, there was some mercy in their justice and now not every crime meant the loss of life.

One large change was that vampires could now tell certain humans the truth. They called it 'Bella's Exception,' and I blushed at hearing how they had honored me. Human mates were no longer forced to die or be turned; they could live out their human lives with their vampire mates if they chose. This exception also had another rule. The choice to be turned was in the human's hands alone, unless their lives were on the line. The pain of Edward's and my situation would never be repeated and I was thankful that something had come out of our failed romance.

I spent my days and nights letting my misery have me. I succumbed to all the pain I had pushed aside for my daughter's sake. I felt it all. The added pain of Edward's attempted lie had only made things worse for me. I could not bear it and sometimes had to distract myself. When I needed to get out, I would attend the council and offer my input, which was always respected as a member of the council itself. I spent time with Jane and Alec, renewing my friendship with both of them. Alec still loved me deeply, but I hoped that he had accepted the fact that my heart was taken, even though my love did not truly return my affection. Every day the small voice continued to scream at me, continually shouting that Edward really loved me. I tried to block it out, but no matter what I did, it steadily grew louder in my head. I no longer allowed myself to enter my dream-like state. Anytime I succumbed, my brain would put me back in that hotel room in France and the outcome was very different. Instead of running from Edward, I had believed him, he took me home and I was his forever. I hated waking from this dream, but I knew that in reality, he would leave me again and I could not go through that pain without seeking my own eradication. Even now, I knew that I could ask the council to grant me my death. However, as much as I wanted the pain to stop, the small voice in my head would not allow me to make such a request. Even the remote chance of being with him, no matter how ludicrous it was, would not allow me to take my own life. Edward still existed and so there was still a slight chance. The moment Edward no longer was part of this world was the day I would leave it.

Nessie called me a month after I arrived in Volterra, but I could not talk to her yet. I ignored her calls repeatedly. Two weeks after the first call, as my phone rang yet again, Jane peppered me with questions as to why I did not answer. I reluctantly told her that I could not talk to Nessie. She was just going to try to convince me that Edward really loved me. At this, Jane was appalled. The look on her face said everything.

After a few moments she pushed out, "Bella, you would ignore your own daughter? Nessie would not lie to you Bella. If you talked to her, she would tell you truth."

I slowly shook my head at my friend and explained, "Nessie can lie with her words. She cannot lie through her touch, but through her words, she can. She is trying to do what she thinks will make me happy. He doesn't love me, Jane. He is acting out of guilt. He doesn't love me."

Jane looked at me with a calculating expression for a moment before saying, "Bella, I don't think you completely believe that. Somewhere in there, you are hoping he truly does love you. I will not put up with this. Even if you don't want to talk to Ness, I am going to."

With that, Jane took my phone and ran out of the room. I could pursue her but I knew that eventually she would talk to Ness, so I allowed her to use my phone and get it over with.

Over an hour later, with a stone-cold look on her face, Jane entered my room and silently handed me my phone. She looked at me with an emotion that I did not understand, and then walked right back out of my room. I struggled for a moment and then realized that whatever my daughter had told her had given Jane no hope at all. With that thought, I allowed the pain to pull me back under.

Okay… short I know… more coming this weekend… and it's much longer..

You'll get to see why Jane reacted the way she did ;)

Review please! Reviews make me happy….