The rest of the week passes smoothly, just as I had hoped. Jacob disappears with hardly a need for explanation to Alec. On Saturday, we said our goodbyes to my extended family. Alec thanked them all, and we all exchanged hugs.
The flight home was long, and I slept on Alec's shoulder for the most part like I did on the way here. We arrived back home to the first light snow, and dropped Alec off at around nine at night. He thanked us all and then hurried inside. We drove home in silence, and I realized at once how used to having Alec around I had become. He never once annoyed me or made me regret bringing him. He was frustrating sometimes, but that's just Alec. Now that I'm just with my family, it almost feels...incomplete.
I slept for a full twelve hours, finally back in my bed. I felt bad for Alec, he had to wake up early and head out to Wyoming where his dad's family lives. I know how much he hates them, and I feel bad he has to endure it, but I'm happy for him though because his dad is going to be able to visit him there.
So I didn't see him for the rest of the week though he called every night. On the day before Christmas, I received a package in the mail from him. It was a framed picture of us Kate had taken at the skating rink during Alaska. In turn, I broke into his house and left a soft black teddy bear on his bed with a bag of Jolly Ranchers, his favorite candy, and a card that read: Hope you're not too creeped out by your vampire girlfriend breaking into your house. Merry Christmas, baby. XOXO, Renesmee.
My family doesn't celebrate Christmas mostly due to the fact that we aren't very religious. I mean, they get me one or two things and I go ahead and get everyone something small, but when the majority of your family thinks they're soulless, damned, hell-bound monsters, and have murdered and drank the blood of humans, you tend not to take part in too many Christian celebrations. Alec is Catholic, and I respect his beliefs though I know that his knowledge of my very existence is going to cause him to question a lot of things.
So the break passed quickly, school started up, and things were relatively normal. Alec was very cautious about calling me Carlie and never letting on to any knowledge of our existence. And my family and I kept a very watchful eye on him.
Valentine's day has arrived in the blink of an eye. Today is Friday, the day of the romantic festivities. The school dance is tonight, which Alec is taking me to.
A light knock sounds on my door just as I step out of the shower. I put on a bathrobe and walk to the door. The knocking continues impatiently, keying me in on who it is even though I already figured it out by the grapefruit and oranges scent.
"Patience is a virtue, Alice." I smile as I open the door. She rolls her eyes and pushes her way inside. "Okay, come on in." I say sarcastically as she begins to flit around my room, straightening things up with her keen vampire vision. I watch on for at least three minutes until she decides things are as good as they're going to get and gingerly sits herself criss-cross on my bed.
"I've picked out the perfect outfit for you to wear to the dance." She announces happily. Her short hair has been smoothed down and she is wearing a very pixie-ish Vaneltines-y red and pink dress that looks almost like a tutu.
"Are you wearing that to school?" I ask her, wondering how she could deal with all the stares and whispers.
"Of course. It just arrived from Paris. Like it?" She stands and does a twirl that would cause any ballerina to die of envy.
"It's great." I tell her, heading for my closet. "And I already have a dress for the dance." I inform her, giving the long, billowy red and pink dress I've hung up in the corner a glance as I walk by. She follows my line of sight and gags.
"It's hideous!" She cries.
"You bought it for me last Valentine's day!" I look over at her incredulously.
"Well I don't know what in the world I was thinking. It's god awful. Besides, everyone is going to be wearing red and pink and flouncy little dresses to show their lovey-dovey spirit."
"Isn't that the point?" I ask, rummaging through racks of clothes.
"Have I taught you nothing? The "point" of every event in life is to show up every other girl there by looking the best. If you blend in to the crowd, that's going to be difficult. Oh, and by the way, since things can get, uh, heated during this day, and quite honestly I don't want to see our family role-play and get kinky, or anything you and Alec might have up your sleeves, I'm going to be careful about keeping the future at bay. So try not too do anything too reckless."
"Ew, disturbing mental image. And Alec and I are just going to the dance, watching a movie at his house, and then I'm coming home. No big deal." I assure her, pulling a casual black and magenta baby doll dress off one of my hangers.
"Oh, sorry, forgot Eddy can hear you." She whispers loudly and I roll my eyes.
"Think whatever you want." I smile, knowing after years of experience that you can talk for a week straight trying to convince Ali of something and you end up right where you started.
"You know I will. I'll let you get ready, I guess I'll show you the dress when you get home from school. Toodles." She gives me a fluttery wave and then dances out. I laugh at her enthusiasm over the slightest of things as I quickly get dressed, hooking in a pair of silver heart droop earrings in my ear and clasping on a long silver heart necklace. I walk into my bathroom, running a brush through my hair (which dries very quickly, thanks to my vampire gene's need for perfection) but otherwise leaving it be. I put on my make up, grab my bag, and drive to school.
My first inkling that something was wrong was when I pulled into the parking lot and Alec's car wasn't there. He usually beats me by at least ten minutes. I pull out my phone, calling him, but his phone is either dead or off, another rare thing. Probably slept in.
I sit in my car, debating whether or not to drive over to his house and give him a waking up, but as the warning bell rings, decide Arianna will take care of him. I'm his girlfriend, not his mother. I constantly have to remind myself that. Not to say that Arianna is slacking in her job, it's just Alec is too much for that poor woman to handle. Plus she has to deal with Alissia, whose not getting much better, but not getting worse, which is good I suppose. I read to her a lot, and visit her in the hospital when she has to go get treatment, and she enjoys that.
I get out of the car and head to first period. The morning drags by slowly, a strange worry brewing in my stomach. When I don't find Alec waiting outside my fourth period, the worry increases tenfold. I try his cellphone again. His phone is still not on.
I make a split second decision to head over to his house. I easily slip through the lunch crowd and into the parking, pulling out noiselessly. I bet Alice didn't see it, and they're going to be confused as to why I'm not at lunch.
I am anxious and impatient as I drive to Alec's. What if something happened to him? Is he sick? Did he get hurt? I'm on edge as I pull into the driveway. I listen and hear nothing inside. Still, out of my desperation, I go and knock. I stand knocking for a good twenty minutes. I am almost in tears by the time I decide I need to go back to school. I am scared, nervous, confused, and totally desperate. After checking to make sure no one is watching, I scurry up a tree and climb in through Alec's window, which he always keeps unlocked for me.
His bed is a mess, the comforter and sheets sprawled on the floor as if he was pulled from them in a hurry. His pajamas aren't strung around the room as usual. I flip on the bedroom light, an eerie feeling settling over me. The scents throughout the house are old, meaning they haven't been here most of the day. There are no lights on, no Tvs on, and it is all just creepily silent. I scrounge for any clues of their whereabouts, and turn up empty-handed. Lunch will be ending soon, and my parents will kill me if I miss a class.
I reluctantly drive back to school. I pass through the rest of the day like a robot, not actually seeing, feeling, hearing, or paying attention to anything going on around me. My mind was too busy coming up with worst-case scenarios of Alec's sudden disappearance.
I drive home as a nervous mess of nerves. I stop by Alec's house and find it in the same state. I go back home, explaining things to my family.
"You're overreacting, Nes." Dad tells me instantly, always a voice of logic.
"He's gone, hasn't called or texted me, left no note, his house is completely desolate and much different than normal in ways I can't really describe. It's all wrong, and I have a horrible feeling." I try to convince him.
"I know you're worried, angel, but there's nothing you can do about it right now. Just try to relax." Mom encourages. I sigh and head upstairs. I do all of my homework, clean my room, clean out my fish tank, watch an episode of House M.D., go hunting, come back, take a shower, and give myself a French manicure.
After all that and still no word from Alec, to distract myself, I begin getting ready for the dance way early, not even sure if I'm going or not. Alice has the dress laid on my bed. I'm pretty sure no one else is going to have anything like it. Mostly because it is diamond-encrusted.
I put it on, observing its fit in my full length mirror. It clings to my body, falling all the way to the floor and pooling around my feet. It is strapless, held up by my newly-C-cup chest. The diamonds are heavy at the top, making that part entirely silver. They fade out as they head for my waist, where they end and the dress continues on in silvery fabric that shines in the light. There is a slit up my right leg that goes at least nine inches up past my knee. The heels she has, well, I don't know why they were even made unless Alice designed them herself because I doubt any human could survive an hour in heels this tall. They're strappy with diamonds on them also.
I do my make up in the bathroom, light and natural as always. I pin up my heart with diamond pins. I go into my closet and find a pair of diamond earrings. It has taken me about an hour and a half to get ready, which means it's seven o'clock. The dance started twenty minutes ago. I rummage through my purses until I find a silver clutch, sticking money, my key, and phone inside. Just as I'm shutting it though, my phone starts ringing.
I gasp, wildly undoing the purse and grabbing at its contents. I end up spilling everything on the floor, but find my phone. I nearly drop it in my haste to answer. As soon as I see it is Alec, I press the answer button and say, "Where the hell are you?"
"Happy Valentine's Day, baby." He says sleepily, and I can almost see that lazy grin on his face.
"Alec, I'm serious. You have me worried sick. What happened?" I demand.
"There was a little problem with Alissia this morning. We rushed her to the hospital and Carlisle took care of her personally. It was just a little scare, she's fine. I'm still going to be picking you up at seven, right?"
"Oh, God. I never even though to go to the hospital.. I figured Carlisle would call me if anything happened.." I swallow the lump in my throat, feeling guilty for not thinking of Alissia and only thinking of Alec, and also feeling slightly betrayed by Carlisle. "And Alec, it's already past seven.. You don't have to pick up. I'm coming to the hospital. I'll be there as soon as I can. Maybe we shouldn't go to the dance tonight." I offer, hating my disappointment over it.
"I'm already about to leave the hospital. We are going to the dance."
"Well you sound tired. You're going to sleep, and we aren't going to that dance. There is no way tonight. Okay? I'm on my way." I tell him, already heading down stairs, hanging up before he can respond. I hurry to my car, and then I rev out of the garage and speed to Alec's house.
I arrive before him, but decide I'd rather wait outside to see him instead of going through the window. The sooner I see him, safe and in perfect condition, the better. I have so much left over tension that I know won't disappear until I see him with every last silky-soft black strand of hair in place.
I sit outside on the concrete steps leading up to his door. Cars pass and people walk by, all pausing to stare for a second. The sky shifts from a gorgeous sunset to a dark dusk. I grow increasingly scared. Shouldn't Alec be here by now?
Just as I'm about to head to the hospital, and begin wondering what I've been doing sitting on the front step when I could have been sitting in my car (anxiety makes people lose at least half of their brain power, I swear), Alec's car appears, sliding smoothly into the driveway. He gets out, not noticing me until he is walking up the path towards the stairs.
I stand up quickly, smoothing down my dress. He is in a pair of sweats and a wrinkled navy cotton t-shirt. His hair is disheveled and his eyes are tired until he registers my presence, at which point his face lights up.
"Ness." He breathes, coming to hug me around my waist. I hug him as tightly as I can without injuring him, burying my face in his shirt and breathing in his scent. I let out a breath of relief, so glad to have him safe in my arms.
"I'm so sorry baby." He murmurs, holding me tighter.
"Don't be." I whisper, pulling back to look in his eyes, which immediately begin to roam down my body. He groans.
"You look so beautiful. I can't believe I screwed everything up like this." He sighs, brushing his fingers over my cheekbone.
"It isn't your fault. I feel so horrible for Alissia. You were being a good big brother. A great one, actually." I assure him, trying to cover up my disappointment at missing the dance, which started about an hour ago.
"They confirmed she was fine a long time ago. I've just been being a pest and worrying for no reason there. Now you're missing your Sadie Hawkins dance." He sighs.
"Stop beating yourself up, I'll have an eternity of more opportunities to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance." I roll my eyes, playing things off cool like he always does. What I don't mention is that this is the only one I have that I am able to go with him. That's best left unsaid.
He stares at me for a long moment in confusion, which then transforms into horror. It takes me a while to realize why he is looking at me like that. I just implied that I have an eternity to live. He was under the impression I have a normal, human life-time. I gasp, my hand raising to my mouth. I just made a huge slip-up.
"Eternity?" He whispers, and I can see the sparkle diminishing in his eyes. It's like I can hear his heart shattering.
"Alec.." I don't know what to say. I mean, what can I say?
"I can't believe after everything you come out to me about you're still keeping secrets. Especially secrets like this." He stares at me with hurt, betrayal, and mistrust.
"I'm only trying to protect you, Alec." I bite my lip to keep the sobs contained.
"Yeah, well if you really cared that much about "protecting me" then maybe you shouldn't have dragged me into this whole ordeal. Maybe you should have let me be normal instead dragging me in. You've practically led me to the fucking slaughter." Alec snarls harshly. I wince, feeling like someone literally ripped my heart from my chest, ran over it with a semi-truck, beat it with a bat, stabbed it a couple times, and then smeared the remains over sandpaper.
"You're right. I made a huge mistake." I agree, ducking my head like a whipped dog.
"Obviously. Why don't you save me a little more pain and just go ahead and tell me what you've been keeping from me." Alec glares. I gulp and clench my fists, digging my nails into my skin to try to distract myself from the inner pain.
"I live forever." I look up and meet his cold stare. "You are not born into immortality. Everyone in my family was human at some point, be it three hundred years ago or seven years ago. Except for me. I've always been what I am. My mother was human when she met my father. I was conceived when they were in those states, leaving me a halfie. To change a human into a vampire, a vampire must bite them. Vampires contain venom which is transferred into the blood stream when bitten. It causes excruciating pain, or so my family says, I've never felt it, and it lasts for three days. When you wake up, you're immortal. There is no going back, and you are an eternal slave to the thirst, the need to kill innocent humans.
"I don't have venom. My family doesn't know why, and no one knows if I ever will. Sometime over the next couple years we'll find out though. When I reach my prime, the optimal time in a human's life which could range anywhere from now til I'm in my early twenties, the change will set in. I will be as fast and strong as vampires, my skin will become cold and hard, my appearance will change, my eyes will become red that will shift to gold with the animal blood, which you know. It isn't going to be some three day process. It takes a few months, the changes mostly occurring while I sleep. I don't know when this is all going to start, but when it does is when I have to go. I'll be out of society while the change goes on, and then I'll work on disciplining the newer, stronger thirst and changing my eye color to gold, and then we'll move on. We'll go to Europe or something, somewhere dark and rainy, and start over. I'll be starting as a sophomore again probably, and we'll keep up the human charade for a few years, then move towns. And that's the way my eternity is going to be." I lay it all out for him, my heart beating in a wild pattern, my stomach chalk-full of butterflies. How is going to react?
"So basically I'm just a pit stop in your life? You really are going to just vanish one day? No goodbyes? Nothing? I'll be left with a few photographs and the memories?" He covers his hurt with anger very well, although I'm sure he is plenty angry also.
My emotions go on lock down. It's like clasping a metal lid on, making myself cool and distant so I can deal right now and try to survive through this. "I'm not that sloppy. The photographs will be taken care of. I'll slip from your mind quickly. You're a human teenage boy, you'll have plenty of distractions."
"Is that what you think of me as? The little human who you can toy around with because he'll forget everything when he sees something shiny? That's low. I may not be as fast, strong, or smart as you guys, but I have feelings. I have real, true feelings for you. The type that don't just go away. Okay? If you left, I would be miserable. You are everything to me, and I can't imagine my life without you anymore. And now you tell me you could be leaving tomorrow for all you know? I have even imagined us getting married. I can see it. It could happen. I had hopes for it. And now I find out you have be playing me this whole time and you are going to jump on a plane and head out without me even knowing within the next couple years." He is trembling and a tear falls from the corner of his eye, splattering onto the concrete below him.
"This isn't what I want. I would love to stay here and live my life with you. It's not like I got to circle A, B, C, or D on my choice of species. I am what I am. And my type have to be nomadic. If any human drinking vampires were to happen to roam into this area and found out what you know, they would kill you to protect the secret that we are all responsible for keeping. Not to mention the Volturi, who would go psycho on us and kill my whole family and you and possibly your whole family. I am only looking out for the people that matter most to me." Tears are welling up in my eyes also.
"It's so simple. Why can't you see the solution? Change me. Take me to your family and let them bite me. I want you to change me, Renesmee. Please." He begs, staring into my eyes with absolute determination.
"I can't do that. I could never do that. Don't you realize what that is like to me? To me, it feels like I would be sucking the life and soul out of you. Changing you.. Taking away such a pure, beautiful soul.. It feels to me like that would be a huge leap in the direction of becoming a monster. I just can't do it."
"Is this not as real to you as it is to me or something? Because I know for a fact if the position was reversed, I would change you if you wanted it. I can't live a day without you."
"It is so real to me, Alec. It truly is." I insist.
"If it really is real to you, then what happens when you leave me? Because honestly, all I can picture is you going off into the sunset and finding a new human toy at the next high school go around."
"That's not what would happen at all." I say a little angrily. I take a deep breath and squeeze my eyes closed. I've come clean about everything expcept one thing. "I would be lost without you. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else for years. But I will move on, that is inevitable. My friend, Jacob, I can't tell you what he is because it's not my secret to tell, but his kind have a thing they call imprinting. It happens when their kind lay eyes on the person that is their perfect match and they're destined to be with. It happened between Jake and I when I was only a few minutes old. He was my protecter and big brother when I was a child, he became my best friend, and now he is ready for a romantic relationship. After a few years, I'd probably give him a chance." It is hard to say the words. To watch the hurt play out in his eyes. I root myself in place instead of scamper to my car and get the hell out of there like I want to.
"So not only are you going to disappear in a puff of smoke, but you also have been destined to be with some other unknown creature this whole time?" He whispers. I nod, eyes closing briefly and a tear falling from one. Alec shakes his head incredulously. "This is unbelievable. I.. I can't do this. I thought I could cope with all of your world, but I can't. I will always keep your secret, but I'm not cut out to be your secret. I'm sorry. It's.. It's over." He stares at me a moment longer, and then turns and walks inside, slamming the door shut. I let him go, unable to do much else.
Numbly, like I'm in a trance, I drive home. As I arrive, my family watches me go upstairs. Jasper can't feel my emotions because I'm not even feeling them. Alice can't see my future because I don't know what I'm going to do. Dad can't read my mind because their is nothing but fuzz and static.
I don't know what to do now. Or what to be. I can't seem to function properly knowing that Alec is out of my life. Our relationship has developed so much differently than I expected. At first, I thought it was a short fling. Last a couple weeks then I'd grow bored. As it became more serious, I told myself I would end it as soon as he got too close to the truth. But as he figured us all out, I was too attached to let go. So I switched the deadline to when I started the change. As soon as I realized that, I would be off like a rocket. But now he knows it all, my change hasn't even begun, and we're over. Never in a million years did I think we would end because he broke up with me, which was pretty conceited of me.
I realize Dad can probably hear my thoughts now just as he calls from downstairs, "Come on down, Renesmee." In a sad, knowing voice. I sigh, then lift myself from my couch and walk down stairs slowly, buying myself time to avoid the inevitable questions of my family.
I take a seat on the couch, a cushion down from Rose and Emmett. Mom and Dad sit across from me, Alice and Jasper sit off to the side, and Carlisle and Esme sit to the other side. I'm still wearing my Sadie Hawkins dress, and suddenly feel very uncomfortable and itchy in it. I just want to rip it off and forget this night ever happened.
"I know you probably don't want to talk about it, baby, but we need to know what happened tonight." Mom asks in a soothing voice. My hands are shaking, so I sit on them to hide it.
I think over what I'm going to say for a long moment, and then, in an emotionless monotone, tell them everything that happened. Nobody says anything for a long while after I've finished, just continue to stare at me, as if "and then he broke up with me and I left" couldn't possibly be the last line in the story. But it is. And I slowly go around the room, meeting all of their stares, to show to them that there is no follow up.
"I'm so sorry, baby." Mom murmurs, looking at me sympathetically. This was something my family never planned for. Nobody saw this coming.
"Do you need us to move?" Rose asks, not trying to be rude or uncaring, just needing to know. She hates moving. My entire family does. I've never minded since I've never been in school, but now I can see why it would be unwanted. I don't necessarily need to move countries just because a boy broke up with me. I mean, it's going to be hard seeing him at school, but I can cope. Besides, the sooner I move the sooner Alec is officially ripped out of my life without a trace of him left. If I stay here, I get to see him and hear him everyday. We need to make sure he is faithful about keeping our secret, anyways.
I shake my head no slowly. Rose gives a curt nod, carefully covering her happiness over it. "Do you think it's really over? I mean, are you sure you guys aren't getting back together?" Alice asks, looking very worried. I think about it for a long time, and then decide not to get my hopes up that Alec and I can work things out, so I nod.
"No!" She suddenly gasps, pupils dilating as she is sucked into the future. Dad focuses on her, blocking the rest of us out. Jasper leaps into action, grabbing Alice and picking her up like she is a child, cradling her in his arms and sitting on the couch.
"No, no, no!" Alice cries again, not seeming to be talking to whatever is going on in the vision. It's like she is there, but still speaking as if she is here..
"Great." Dad groans sarcastically.
"What? What's going on Edward?" Mom demands, clutching his arm.
"Nothing, we'll discuss it later." Dad says, trying to be sneaky with the look he throws my way, but I caught it easily. The vision was of me, of course. As soon as I resolved myself that Alec and I are most definitely over, the course of my future shifted entirely. And from the reactions of my family, it wasn't a good shift either.
"I'll go ahead and go upstairs so you all can discuss my future without my being in the way." I stand and leave quickly. They all watch me go silently. I get into my room, take a shower, and cry myself to sleep.
A/N: I know no one wants to see these two split up. I just think that realistically, Alec would have a breaking point, and something about Renesmee would just be too much to handle. Don't be too mad at me! I'll try to bring them back together ASAP