A/N: It is currently well past midnight but I decided that this chapter needed some major edits before I put it up.

Chapter 23 - No Longer a Lamb

I threw open the bedroom door to see Edward sitting in the middle of the bed looking through an art book appearing to be patiently passing the time. However, the moment I entered the room the book was on the floor and he was looking at me with obvious desire. I looked at him and grinned. We needed this to happen now before all the serious and difficult conversations happened. We needed to show each other how much we still loved each other before we started dealing with the issues. I threw myself in one leap across the room into Edward's waiting arms. The force of my actions knocked Edward backwards and just like that, I was lying on top of him looking into his gorgeous topaz eyes, which were burning back at me with obvious love and lust.

We spent the whole night wrapped up in each other, breaking in our new bed over and over again. I was going to have to remember to thank Alice for ordering a bed for us, however I wondered what would have happened had Alice not ordered the bed. Just as I was about to mention it to Edward my phone started vibrating across the bed stand. I groaned and twisted around in Edward's arms to retrieve it. I picked up the phone and saw that it was Alice so I answered.

Shrilly, into my ear, I heard Alice squeak, "Bella don't you dare mention that to Edward. I don't want to have to burn my sheets when we get back to the house. Oh Crap! Edward heard that! Leave my bed alone you two!"

I giggled and Alice growled at me through the phone.

I giggled again and said, "Such a scary little pixie."

She shot back, "If you mess up my bed I will be. Stay in your room and keep the carnage limited. The house is going to reek as it is, I would like to keep the stink out of my room."

If I could have blushed, I would have been bright red. This is what I get for having a best friend who can see the future. As I continued to talk to Alice, I flipped over to face Edward. His face was priceless. His eyes were dancing with laughter and he started mouthing at me that we should go mess up his sister's bed, purely to irritate her.

Suddenly Alice screamed at the top of her lungs, "Don't you dare Edward Cullen! I will rip you to pieces if you try."

Edward laughed loudly and then grabbed the phone from me and said with obvious amusement, "Scary little pixie aren't you?"

Alice took a deep breath, which I could hear, even though Edward now had the phone.

Then she said, with satisfaction in her voice, "If I get a vision of you two in my bed, I will come home with the whole family. So unless you want your alone time to end early, stay in your room you two."

Then with a slight click, the phone went dead. I hung it up and turned my attention back to Edward.

We spent a full day in bed together before we finally decided to get up and spend some time talking. Everything was beginning to get awkward. There was so much to say and it was beginning to get in the way of our time together. We were both being too careful about what we were saying and it was time to start dealing with putting our relationship back together.

With a large lamenting sigh, I disentangled myself from Edward's arms and climbed out of bed. Then I went to the closet and went searching for clothes. Alice had thoughtfully stocked the closet for me, which she had informed me of over the phone and I searched until I found some jeans and a t-shirt.

I turned, Edward laughed and said, "Alice would be disappointed. Your fashion sense hasn't improved one bit since you were human."

For a moment, something darkened his expression and he wrapped his arms around me.

I looked at him and said, "Edward, we need to sit down and talk this out, otherwise we will spend eternity walking on eggshells around each other, carefully judging every word we say."

Edward looked at me apologetically and then nodded. In no time at all, he was dressed and took my hand to lead me downstairs.

As soon as we were seated comfortably in the love seat by his piano, Edward looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Bella, I love you. I know there is a lot of healing that needs to happen here. I need to start by apologizing for leaving the way I did, for leaving at all and explain myself as best I can. Bella, when Jasper went after you and you got hurt so badly that you were unconscious, I didn't know what to do. I had just put your life in jeopardy again and this time it was because of my brother and I that you got hurt. Do you remember why you were so badly injured?"

Edward looked at me expectantly. I looked at him sadly and shook my head. I had no memory past Jasper launching at me.

Edward took a deep breath and said, "Bella, I launched myself between the two of you and in the process knocked you to the ground, along with all the glass and crystal on the piano. You had bleeding cuts all over your body. You were out almost instantly, only having time to call out my name in fear before the darkness claimed you. In that moment, I realized that I was responsible for your injuries and that you were afraid of me. I knew you would lie to me later, but I heard the fear in your voice. I knew the only thing that could cause that was you being afraid of me."

I gasped and Edward looked up at me in surprise. As he spoke, the memories came back to me with some difficultly. This was one of the clearest human memories that I had. I was not afraid of Edward. I saw Jasper trying to bite Edward and I was afraid for him. That was why I had cried out his name. Edward looked like he was about to continue, but this was too important to let go by, so I put my hand over his mouth. Being the gentleman that he is, he stopped and looked at me quizzically.

Slowly I took a deep breath and said, "Edward, while you spoke, I finally remembered that night completely. I was afraid, but not of what you think. Edward I called out to you in fear, not because I was afraid of you but because I was afraid for you."

Edward looked at me with even deeper confusion.

I hurriedly said, "Edward, I saw Jasper trying to attack you so that he could get to me. I was afraid that he would kill you. I knew that Jasper was a fighter and he was the only one who had a chance of really hurting you. I was afraid I was going to lose you."

Edward looked at me in total shock. I could tell this was the furthest thing from what he was expecting me to say. He sat there like a statue, perfectly still and motionless, looking like the most perfect creation of a skilled master sculptor for a few minutes.

Finally, he broke his stillness and said in awe, "You are telling the truth, aren't you?"

I looked at him incredulously and said, "Edward, of course I am. Why would I do otherwise? Especially now? Too many little things got in our way and now that I've finally got you back, do you honestly think I am going to let something as stupid as a lie get in our way?"

Edward looked back at me sheepishly and shook his head at me. I looked at him patiently, waiting for him to continue his previous train of thought.

Finally, Edward spoke up and said, "Bella, I knew I had to do something. I thought you were afraid of me. I was also horrified that I had been the one to cause you such serious injury after my brother tried to attack you. It was too much for me to handle. The Volturi were in the area at the time and were proving to be a real threat as well. I needed to protect you from harm. That was the only thing that made me strong enough to come up with my plan to leave. I needed you to be safe, even more than I needed you with me and you were obviously not safe with me around. It almost killed me when I had to take the ring off your finger, but I did it just before Charlie walked into the room. The moment Charlie left your side to find Carlisle, I snuck back in and said goodbye to you. I told you every ounce of truth that I knew I would have to cover up and lie about when I sent you that film. I told you that I loved you more than my own happiness, more than my own life, and that you would not die because of me. I told you to be happy and safe and that I would always love you. I kissed you and just as I turned to walk out of the room you began to stir and mumble, 'Edward, come back to me.' I knew that somewhere inside you, you would know I loved you always and with that thought I ran from the hospital."

Edward paused for a moment and I took the chance to wrap myself in his arms. I needed to be near him. I could see the pain evident all over his face. He needed to know how much I loved and needed him. Edward paused for a split second before he wrapped his arms tightly around me. Even though he was only retelling these events, they were so painful for him that he needed me in his arms. If I hadn't put myself there, he would have grabbed me and held me while he relayed his story to me, I was sure of it. I could only imagine the pain that had been there for him when he left me in that hospital. I buried my head in his shoulder until he felt like he could continue.

After a few moments, Edward cupped his hand around my jaw and gently tilted my head up so I was looking into his eyes. He was ready to continue his story.

Edward then continued to tell me of his life without me. I had seen so much of this through Nessie's gift however, it took on a completely different dimension hearing Edward talk about how much pain he was in. As he talked, I could sense him becoming uncomfortable and reluctant.

Finally, not being able to take it anymore, I said, "Edward, what is it? I can tell you are holding something back or that something is bothering you. Explain."

Edward looked at me in agony and said, "Bella, I did not share this with Nessie and I am afraid of how you will react when I tell you about this. I know you need to hear it and we need to clear the air before we can truly be together, but I know that the next thing I need to tell you will hurt you to the point where you may run away from me, which I would deserve entirely. I just selfishly do not want to lose you again, not after finally having you back in my life Bella. You are the only one I have ever loved, but there is something I need to tell you."

Edward looked at me with an expression of pure agony. Whatever was bothering him was going to be extremely difficult to take.

I took a few deep and calming breathes and finally said, "Alright Edward, tell me what you need to."

Edward nodded slowly and gravely at me, the look of agony and pain etching deeper into his face.

Finally, he said brokenly, "Bella, I thought you were dead. I thought I had lost you forever. It does not excuse my actions however; I thought you should know that before I tell you this. I never would have done what I did if I had known you were alive. When Alice could no longer see you, we thought you had died. Eleazar somewhat confirmed that when he told us that he had given you details on the Volturi. We thought you had gone to Italy and had asked for death. I thought they had killed you and your unborn baby. When you left that book in Denali, we thought that you were pregnant with someone else's child, especially after your confrontation with Kate. After three years, my family started pushing me to date. They all set me up in one way or another and I went out with other girls. After about six months, Tanya and the rest of the Denali clan visited us. I was miserable and out of desperation, I started seeing Tanya to distract myself from my grief. We were not together long, and we never slept together. I dumped Tanya once I was clear headed enough to realize that I was just using her to distract me from the pain of losing you and that I did not care for her at all. Ever since then Tanya has pursued me relentlessly. When you showed up here yesterday, you were seeing yet another attempt by Tanya to get me back. I am so sorry Bella, I never should have I-"

Edward suddenly stopped and put his head in his hands, unable to say anymore.

In shock, I stood up. Edward looked at me with resigned agony. He thought he knew what my reaction was going to be. I had to get out for a while and sort through this on my own, but I could not let him think that I was leaving for good.

Finally, I choked out, "Edward, I need to be alone for a while. I need some time to think."

With that, I turned around and ran out of the house with vampire speed.

I ran through the trees quickly into the snow-laden woods. It was deep in the heart of winter now and dazzling white powder covered everything with a soft white blanket. As my thoughts caught up with my feet, I collapsed into the snow and allowed it to bury me into a soft damp cocoon. As I lay in the snow, I allowed my thoughts to consume me. Edward had dated Tanya and others. How was I supposed to handle that? He had said that they had never slept together, but how far had it gone exactly? Edward was the only person I had ever dated and I could not imagine being with anyone else, even when my dear friend Alec wanted to be with me, I said no and refused to love anyone else. I did not understand how he could do any differently.

After what seemed like an eternity, I felt something else walking on the snow near me. I quickly unburied myself until I was looking up at Jasper.

I looked at him and harshly spat out, "How did you find me?"

Almost instantly, I regretted my tone and I said, "Sorry, Jazz, I'm just upset. Edward told me about Tanya."

Jazz looked at me with deep regret and said, "It's okay, Bella, you have every right to be upset at me about the Tanya thing."

I looked at him quizzically and he gasped. Suddenly his phone began to buzz and he looked quickly at it.

After a moment he said, "Text message from Alice. She told me that Edward had laid all the blame on himself for the Tanya situation. I am here to remedy that apparently."

Quickly Jazz spat out, far too fast for a human to understand, "Bella, we are all partially to blame for Tanya. Each of us in our own ways pushed Edward towards finding someone else. In our defense, we thought you were dead. He went out on dates which we all encouraged. Well, we all encouraged it, except for Alice. Alice knew that it would end badly, although she could not see exactly why. They all pushed it, but I basically forced it on Edward. I used my ability to force feelings of adoration and affection for Tanya. I also blocked my mind from Edward completely and lied to him. I also threw tons of lust at him continually during all his dates with Tanya. While he struggled with it, he never gave in to her or my meddling with his emotions. Eventually, he overpowered my influence completely and dumped Tanya. I confessed everything to him later and he was furious with me. Ever since Tanya has relentlessly pursued him. It is all my fault Bella, not Edward's. He doesn't care about Tanya at all, in fact, he finds her boorish and not the least bit appealing. I'm so sorry Bella. I never should have done it. I was trying to help my brother, but it was wrong."

Jasper stood before me silently while I wrestled with all of it in my mind. Edward must have been so strong to resist Jazz's influence, and yet he still blamed himself for the whole thing. I knew I was going to need a bit longer to reconcile the idea of Edward dating or he and Tanya together, but I was lighter knowing now that it was not really his fault. I finally broke my revere and threw my arms around Jasper.

Hugging my brother tightly, I said, "Jazz, I know you did it out of love for Edward. I know that your motivations were pure. Edward and I had so many things get in our way. I am not about to allow something as small as an ex- girlfriend get in my way. Jazz, you are my brother and I love you like a brother. Stop blaming yourself once and for all, please!"

Jazz looked at me hard for the longest moment and finally smiled.

We sat there in the snow talking for a long time, finally able to relate as siblings should. I knew that during my human life our separation had been a necessary one, but now that I was a vampire and back with my family for good, I was going to make up for lost time.

We sat for quite a while talking, until Jasper said, "Bella, Alice and I will be leaving for a while. We are seriously concerned about some reports we have heard about Maria creating a huge newborn army. We are going to South America for a while, but as soon as we get back, I expect to have some time to truly get to know my little sister. "

I gave Jazz a huge smile and excitedly said, "Jazz, there is no need for you to go to South America. I need to get Ness to show you something."

Jasper nodded at me with an expression of confusion clearly spread across his scared face. Just as I began to dial, I heard someone run into the clearing. I paused and turned to find Ness looking at me with an odd expression on her face.

In explanation she said, "Aunt Alice sent me."

Jasper and I looked at each other and laughed calling her an annoying psychic pixie between giggling spurts.

Finally, I caught the breath I didn't really need, and said, "Ness, I need to you help me share a memory with your Uncle Jasper here."

Ness looked at me with confusion for a moment and then understanding dawned on her face with an accompanying smile. She nodded with pleasure and linked between Jasper and I. Surprisingly it worked and I threw my thoughts of Maria's death at Jasper.

After Ness and I disconnected, Jazz stood there in silence for the longest time like a vampire statue.

After a few minutes, Alice ran into the clearing beaming at me and said, "Bella, get your vampire butt back to the house. Edward is beginning to think you left him. Jazz is thankful for what you did and only regrets that he was not the one to off Maria personally. Now get your butt back to Edward. We can't hunt forever you know."

I nodded at Alice and hugged Ness before running back through the woods towards our home.

Alright, let me know what you think… I could use some serious feedback on this chapter please :) Reviews make me smile in the middle of class and then my kids think I'm plotting… it's funny… (I check between groups… really) review and make my students nervous ;)