A/N: So I guess the last chapter wasn't a big hit considering I got zero reviews for it.. Hopefully this one might be a bit better! Drama really starts in the next chapter, be prepared!
You know that feeling you get when everything is just so...perfect? Life is great, everything is going smoothly, all the bad seems to have suddenly evaporated. I love that feeling. Warm and bubbly and enticing, that feeling has been wrapped around me lovingly for the past couple weeks.
My family is growing more accepting of Alec, Alec and I have smoothed out the bumps in our relationship, Alec is growing more used to knowingly being around immortals, Alissia's health is improving dramatically, my grades are sky-rocketing, and Kayla never mentioned what happened at Brooke's party and even the hatefulness has stopped considering she is now dating, out of all people, Trey Freedman. Great couple; they're both sleazy.
Brooke, however, is another story. She was pissed that I left her party hours early, and even worse, her parents found out because of the nosy neighbors, just as I expected. She's grounded for a month and has been extremely moody lately, causing me to walk on eggshells around her.
Oh well. Can't have all good without a little bad. Nature has to balance itself out and having a best friend with easily-triggered mood-swings is a great bargain for all the other things that have been going perfectly for a while now.
I watch eagerly as Alec dribbles the fast-moving black and white ball down the green field. His red uniform (which he looks heart-stopping-ly sexy in, I must say) is covered in grass stains as a result of tossing his body around to get others away from the ball, and sometimes getting tossed around himself.
I stand up excitedly, cheering with Arianna at my side as Alec makes it to the end of the field. His leg swings back and then forward with excellent percision, nailing the ball. It grazes against the goalie's hands, but ends up making it into the net. I whoop and holler like a maniac and Alec somehow hears me over the roar of the crowd, looking my way with a tired yet proud and somewhat arrogant smile. He just scored the winning goal. There is practically no time left in the game and it was tied one to one until now.
The game finishes off and I thoughtlessly ditch Arianna and Alissia, excitedly taking the bleacher stairs two at a time. It is nearly nine and the sky is dark, the field illuminated by bright field lights that hurt my sensitive eyes. The field is a little wet because of a light shower earlier.
Alec is with his team, which I hardly notice. I throw myself at him, my legs and arms wrapping around him and clinging to him like a baby koala. He laughs and hugs me back.
"I'm all sweaty, Carls." He reminds me, and I remember he must be exhausted and my putting my entire body weight on him probably doesn't help out too much. I quickly stand back on my own two feet.
"Like I care. You won!" I sing delightedly, so proud of him. This is my first time seeing him play, and it was pretty amazing for me, watching him get so wrapped up in something he loves to do and being so wonderful at it. He is the team captain, and his number is twenty-four, which, crazily, has been my lucky number for years, ever since I found twenty four dollars under a tree along a trail by our old house on the twenty-fourth of June when I was a kid. Twenty-four always seemed to tie into good things in my life after that, and now the best thing of my life has a definite connection to the number.
I gleefully lean up and kiss Alec. I am hardly aware of the other people around us watching. Our lips mold together, my hands curling into the hair just above his neck, his hands gently placed on the sides of my face. He opens his mouth, giving my tongue entry since he knows he isn't allowed inside my mouth because of my too-sharp teeth. I passionately kiss him, losing myself in the moment.
When I pull back, reality returns; the people hurrying by and trying not to stare, the humid night, the too-bright lights, the moist grass. Alec is looking at me in amusement.
"If you get this hyped up over a game against a nobody school," Alec says, earning himself a few nasty looks from passer-by supporters of the other team, "then I wonder what you'll be like when I win the state tournament for us." He grins loftily, entirely confident in himself and being a little sexually suggestive.
"Don't get your hopes up too high." I roll my eyes. He keeps on grinning, and then Arianna rushes over. She is holding Alissia, a big feat considering Arianna us so petite and Alissia is so frail looking jostling her seems like it would be devastating. I smoothly take Alissia from Arianna without Arianna hardly noticing. I hold Alissia on my hip, hardly feeling her weight at all. She is just skin and bones. Arianna hugs Alec happily, speaking to him in rushed Italian. Alec nods and laughs, understanding every word while I only pick up the gist of things.
Alec has to regroup with his teammates and probably change. Arianna sticks to his side like glue as he heads towards the locker rooms. When I look over at Alissia again, she is asleep, her head resting on my shoulder. I carry her all the way out to the car, letting Arianna have her time with her son. Alec and Arianna soon return, him now in a simple white v-neck and a pair of jeans. She gushes and continues speaking in Italian in her excitement, throwing her hands around in the air.
Alec kisses Arianna's cheek and says something to her that I don't understand. I've never heard Alec speak much Italian, and it's beautiful. The words flow smoothly from his lips. Arianna purses her lips, and then nods and smiles, her gaze flickering to me.
"Oh, Carlie, honey, I didn't realize you had been holding her this whole time!" Arianna says, taking Alissia from me. She is so out of it she doesn't even stir slightly even as Arianna straps her into the car. I just smile and tell her it's no big deal. "I guess I'll be seeing you around. Don't stay out too late, tesoro. Goodbye, Carlie." Arianna smiles and then gets into her car and starts the engine. I smile and wave goodbye, all the time wondering why the hell Alec and I didn't get in there with her and drive away. We rode here with her, and now we have no ride home.
"Why did our ride drive home without us?" I ask Alec as Arianna's car disappears from even my sight.
"Because I told her we're riding home with Brooke and Cameron to hang out at Cameron's house for a while." He says as he begins to walk through the gravel lot in a random direction. On the other side of the lot in the opposite direction from where we are, I see Brooke and Cameron making out by his car.
"And why did you tell her that?" I ask him warily.
"Because I don't think going to my soccer game and then going back to my house to hang out with my overly-excited mom is exactly your idea of a perfect six-month anniversary." He tells me, and I gasp. I had completely forgotten about our sixth month anniversary. I hadn't gotten him anything at all. "Calm down, I didn't expect you to remember. I don't even really celebrate month anniversaries, only yearly ones, but I kind of felt like doing something special tonight."
"Special like making out behind the concession stands?" I frown as the scent of greasy corn dogs and overpriced Gatorades fills my nostrils when we walk behind a small white building.
He rolls his eyes. "No, I can do a little better than that. I was actually thinking that since I have a wicked awesome vampire girlfriend-"
"Half-vampire." I cut in and correct him. I don't like him getting the distinction blurred.
"Correction, half-vampire girlfriend, that maybe we could go hang out at the bluffs tonight." He grins lazily, seeming pretty proud of himself for configuring this plan.
The bluffs are sharp cliff faces that exist deep in the woods on the west of Hoquiam. There are trails you can take to them, but it would probably take hours.
"Hop aboard." I tell him, bending down. He jumps on my back, and after briefly glancing around to make sure we are completely invisible to everyone else, I head into the forest. I find my way to the bluffs in less than three minutes, coming to a halt at the very edge of the steep, jagged cliffs. I take a few steps back and set Alec down. He wobbles for a moment, and then takes a seat, still not quite used to the speed.
The moon is so big it looks like you could extend your arm out and touch it. There aren't any stars out, and not even a slight breeze to soothe the uncharacteristic warmth of the stuffy night air. My khaki shorts and cotton t-shirt suddenly feel like they're made of lead, pressing down and suffocating me.
"It's hot out here." I tell Alec, laying back against the grass, my legs dangling off the side of the cliff.
"I know." Alec says and I wonder how unbearable it must be for him, a much weaker human wearing jeans. He strips his shirt off, and I marvel at his smooth, sculpted muscles, and then, deciding it's still not good enough, he stands and takes his jeans off, exposing a pair of black briefs.
"My turn." I tell him, standing myself. I pull my shirt off over my head and yank my shorts off faster than his eye could keep up with, discarding my clothes into the pile of his clothes and revealing a lacy midnight-blue bra and a matching thong. I've been more into lingerie ever since it became a more common thing for me to lose my shirt when things get intense around Alec.
Alec stares at me openly, eyes roaming up and down. I lay back down and pretend not to notice his staring. Finally, he lays down next to me. If anyone were to walk in on us (which I'm entirely confident no one will) they would definitely get the wrong idea.
We lay there in companionable silence for a long while until he breaks it with a subject I have wondered when he would bring up. "Can hybrids get pregnant?" He asks with only a mild interest, twiddling a piece of grass between his fingers.
"No." I tell him flat-out, hoping I won't have to explain the details. Yeah right.
"Why?"
"Well, if you really want to know, I only have a day-long period. My reproductive system goes at such a high rate I have what Carlisle theorizes to be only a couple hours available for an egg to take root in my uterus, and even if that unlikely possibility occurred, there is a very high chance my vampire genes would reject the fetus and kill it off. My body is practically a lean, mean abortion-machine." I tell him with a roll of my eyes, trying to seem not bothered by it all, when admittedly, I am a little. It would be nice to at least have the option of having children though I have never particularly wanted any.
"So really there is a possibility?" Alec tries again.
"A one in a billion, I guess. None of my kind has ever had children, but then again, none have ever really been involved before their change. The only others that exist live in South America and they're pretty reclusive. I don't think any of them even have mates."
"Mates?" He raises one dark brow, a slow smirk spreading across his face.
"Shut up. I didn't make the terms." I roll my eyes, smiling also.
He is quiet for a long time before saying, "Am I your mate?"
His question catches me off guard. It was the last thing I expected him to say. I'm usually fairly prepared for his haughty remarks, witty jokes, and harmless teasing. But he just sounded so sincere and even vulnerable, honestly wanting to know my opinion on the matter. I pluck a piece of grass from the ground also, fiddling with it as I mull over my response.
"In a way, I guess you are." I tell him at last, maneuvering myself around the matter. It does the trick and he smiles happily.
"Mates.." Alec muses, testing out the word.
"Mates." I say also, staring at the sky. I begin to think about how seven months ago if you would have told me I would be lying under the sky nearly naked by Alec de Luca's side discussing pregnancy and mates, I would have called you crazy and told you Alec is nothing more than a short-lived fling. But now.. I just.. He's all I can think about. Every thing in my world somehow follows a trail to him. I really can't imagine life without him.
"Tell me something you've never told anyone else." I murmur, playing idly with his limp fingers. Crickets chirp in the trees behind us as he stays silent for a long time. I almost think he isn't even going to respond when he suddenly takes a preparatory deep breath.
"I guess I'm pretty glad you asked me this cause there has been something I've been wanting to tell you but I just didn't know how.. Though I think you probably know by now." He chuckles, the pauses again for a moment. In a slow, steady, almost hypnotizing voice he says, "I love you, Renesmee. I always have, and I always will."
My breath stops and my body tenses. I am stunned and taken completely off guard. My eyes flicker over to him just as his eyes flicker over to me. We lay there, the air heavy and hard to breathe, our bodies slick with sweat, the insects a constant hum, just staring at each other. I swallow to moisten my dry throat and then say in a voice I hope he can manage to hear, "I love you too."
He doesn't respond, just continues to stare at me, perhaps judging my tone and expression and searching for any trace of dishonesty. There is none to be found, that I am sure of. I mean it with my entire mind, body, and soul. I love Alec de Luca more than I ever thought possible. I wake up thinking about him, dream about him at night, confide in him with everything, open up to him, and am completely comfortable with him. He means everything to me.
I roll over at a human pace, giving him time to register my actions, being very cautious. Our bare skin slides against each other. I lay on top of him, my hands supporting my self on either side of his head. He stares up at me, reading my face, trying to predict my next move. I lower myself down to him and then move my hands from the grass to his hair, my lips pressing against his smoothly.
His lips mold against mine, slow and steady at first, and then hungering for more. I allow him to roll us over so he is on top, not even bothering to support his weight because he knows I hardly notice it. I run my hand down his slippery chest, feeling the solid muscles of his chest and stomach. I rest my hand over his heart, feeling as well as hearing the hyped-up drumming. He begins kissing me again, his lips passionate and fierce while his hands are gentle and slow.
I arch my back to allow him access and he quickly undoes my bra clasp, sliding it off and tossing it off to the side. He is always careful and respectful yet still sexual and intimate.
I roll us over with vampire speed and strength. He freezes up, and for a moment I'm concerned I've hurt him. But after a moment he gets back into the mood, forgetting about it and I breathe an internal sigh of relief as I return to kissing him.
After about ten more minutes of touching and making out, Alec's hand that is resting on the thin strip of fabric on my hip hesitantly begins to slide my thong down. In that second a million thoughts rush through my head.
Let me be frank. I want Alec to continue on with what he is doing. I want to feel the pleasure and the intimacy and bond myself to him in this one kind of eternal way. But then again, I don't have enough control. I could easily hurt him, kill him even. I love him, but I don't trust myself enough.
His hand keeps on sliding, exposing the very edge of my clean-shaven womanhood. And I'm much too instinctive to allow my rational mind to take over at this time. It's too far gone. I'm not in control and the little voice telling me to stop this and think of the consequences has just been kicked maliciously off the edge of the cliff screaming by the animal within me.
Alec steadily removes my last article of lingerie, tossing it away and observing my naked body. His staring makes me self-conscious but his adoration and blatant approval is enough to make the bashfulness disappear for now.
Alec's briefs come off soon after that. The whole process of us both losing our virginity is clumsy and uncoordinated, but never once did I feel awkward. It was slightly painful, but the pleasure of just the experience in general is enough to make me forget about it.
As we figure things out and really get into it, the blood-lust, which I have come to be pretty good at controlling, slams into me as if this is my first time being around a human at all. I am panting and moaning and things are blurry, but when that blood-lust hits, one thing becomes very distinct: the pulsing blue vein on the side of Alec's neck, protected only by a layer of soft, tender flesh.
"Alec.." I whisper-moan, wanting to tell him he needs to stop and get as far away from me as possible, but unable to get it out because of the pleasure-pain, and because part of me doesn't want him to stop. He takes my saying his name as just encouragement and actually speeds up, causing his heart to go impossibly faster and the blood to pump harder.
I am temporarily blinded from the blood-lust as I experience my first orgasm. A burst of euphoric energy spasms throughout me, causing my body to shake. At least seven of these bursts occur, the best feelings in the world, causing me to tremble and twitch.
After the orgasm, though, my pleasure has peaked and now another pleasure is all I can think about. With hardly a second thought, I grip Alec by his neck and jerk him forward, sinking my teeth into his neck.
He cries out as I take in a gulp of the tantalizing liquid. The cry turns into a whimper, and then a moan. I steadily take gulp after gulp, my jaw locked firmly around his neck like a lioness to a gazelle. His body is limp in my arms.
"Enough.." Alec murmurs, and something in the back of my mind tells me I need to stop. He is losing too much blood. "Stop, Nes. Stop." He instructs, futilely pushing me off him. I don't budge an inch. "Nessie!" He yells, beginning to realize I'm not doing this as a sexual ritual and I'm actually not in control of myself.
He starts to struggle, and surprisingly, this doesn't irritate me. I simply pull back, stare him straight in the eye, raise one finger that has a bit of blood on it to my mouth, and say, "Shh." He stares at me, frozen in fright, a bird trapped in the gaze of a snake. I see myself reflected in his dark pupils, serene in an insane manner and dark liquid dripping from my chin. I have a flashback to the dream where I saw myself in a river, a vampiric monster killing Alec.
As if hit with a bucket of cold water, I suddenly gasp and fly backwards, scrambling away from Alec as quickly as possible. I hold my breath and put about thirty feet between us, as much as the small section of the bluffs will allow.
We stare at each other for the longest time, both of us naked and not sure what to do or say. I am humiliated at losing control, and he looks absolutely terrified. He is still bleeding from his neck, though, which concerns me considering I've already stolen so much of his blood, and so I break the silence. "I need to look at your neck." I tell him, trying to put on the professional air Carlisle uses.
"Yeah, no thanks. I think you've had enough of my neck for one night." Alec says, eyes wide, looking like he is ready to bolt.
"You're bleeding way too much, Alec." I try again calmly.
"Damn, I wonder why." He cries with a half-laugh, looking almost crazy with fear.
"I'm sorry. I should have never let this happened. I wasn't ready. But I'm in control now. I can stop the bleeding."
"This is the first time I've ever been really, truly scared of you." He admits in a quiet voice. I let his words seep in, trying not to let it show that my heart is being smashed into tiny fragments.
"I'm okay now, Alec. Please. Just trust me." I beg.
"No one knows we are here. You could make up a million different alibis. Your family could be gone by tomorrow and my dead body would just be a little speed bump. I'm terrified right now!" He says, scooting backwards half an inch. A pair of spiked boots smush the tiny little fragments of my heart until they're it's just one mushy glob. Alec's face is pale and his eyes are sort of distant. His words are a bit slurred and I know he has lost way too much blood.
"I don't know what you want me to do. If I leave, you'll get lost on your way back and probably bleed to death. Just let me help you." I plea with him.
"I.. I.." He tries a few times before his eyes rolls back and he falls to the ground.
"Shit." I growl, appearing by his side instantly. I desperately grab his shirt and press it to his neck, applying pressure. It helps, but not much. He needs a hospital. I hurry and get him dressed and then dress myself in under a minute. I carry his limp body into town, where I pretend to be dragging him and crying out for help. A towns person, someone who knows Alec that I've never met before, stops and hurries to the hospital, asking me all that happened as I tell them we were hiking and some kind of wild dog came out of no where. They buy every word and help me get him into the hospital.
Nurses rush him into the emergency room for a blood transfusion. Someone calls Arianna, who probably has to have someone go stay with Alissia, and then she rushes down. During the chaos of trying to figure out what happened to the de Luca boy, I quietly slip out. I stick to the forest and loop around to my house. My family is already in a tizzy.
"What happened?" Alice demands, dark eyes panicked, as soon as I come through the door.
"Alec is in the hospital. I'm so, so sorry." I tell everyone, staring at the startled faces of my family.
"Why did you attack him?" My father demands, and I wonder just how much of my future Alice saw. Did she see that we were naked, or just see my face attached to his throat?
"Because I'm not as strong as I convinced myself." I admit, feeling guilty and scared and nervous and anxious. My family begins talking so fast I can't even understand. I give up trying and leave the house, telling my family I'm returning the hospital to keep up appearances. I quickly head back, making it seem as if I went to the bathroom.
I wait in the hotel lobby all night with a distraught Arianna, giving everyone the same story. When day comes, we are allowed to see Alec. I tell Arianna to go ahead and spend some time with him because I know she needs some one-on-one. It's only after she is already in the room with him that I realize he doesn't know what our story is.
About an hour later, a much more chipper Arianna comes out. She smiles and tells me she has to get to work. I tell her goodbye, and the hesitantly go in to see Alec. All I can think about as I'm walking towards his room is the looks he gave me, as if I am some rabid beast. I suppose I was acting a lot like one.
Alec is laying in a sterile hospital bed. His body is covered in nasty bruises and he has bandaging all around his neck. He is as dirty as I am. There are deep circles under his eyes and his skin is sickly pale. I am disgusted with myself just looking at him.
I close the door behind me and then just stand there, staring at him. He stares back at me evenly, eyes half-closed. He is the first to speak. "I'm sorry." He says soberly.
I groan. "Alec, for the love of god, please don't tell me you're apologizing to me because I nearly killed you."
He cracks a smile. "I should have thought about what it would be like for you. I was only thinking of myself. And what you did.. It's just part of what you are. It's your nature. I shouldn't get mad at you for doing something that's just natural for your kind."
"Stop it. Just stop. That's just.. God, Alec, yell at me. Scream at me. Tell me you can't believe I would ever do this. It would make things feel much less weird that way."
He stares at me again, pondering quietly, and then says, "If I become upset with you about this in any way, if you begin to even think it was your fault, you're going to leave."
He is smart. So, so smart. I squeeze my eyes closed. "My leaving would be in no way your fault. I screwed up, and I'm sorry you're going to have to deal with several of the consequences of my mistake." I tell him.
"Don't leave, Nes. Please. Don't leave." He begs, the beeping of his heart monitor speeding up.
"There is a possibility I could get around it. I might be able to convince my family it won't happen again. But I'm not going to try to convince you that. There is a good chance this could happen again, and a good chance I won't be able to stop. And even if I get to stay this time, I'm still that much closer to my family ending us once and for all."
"I'm not scared. Last night opened my eyes to everything you're capable of, how easily it could all be over for me, but suddenly.. It just doesn't seem to matter. Before now, I was almost positive your family was gone without a trace. It's been agonizing. I have been more depressed than ever this whole time." He admits.
"No.. Alec, be scared. Be terrified. It's human instinct. And if you are no longer scared, it means you're slipping from the human world. Be. Scared." I try to force him with my words.
"I've been slipping from the human world since I met you, Nes, half the time unknowingly. Human life doesn't even seem like my life anymore." He says calmly as he meets my fired-up gaze.
I swallow hard, close my eyes, and calm myself. I exhale, and then look at him. "I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for dragging you in so far that you can't even see the surface. You need to start trying to get back up though. Not to sound too harsh, but I'm going to leave. And when I do, you'll be alone with no one to talk about it all with without be sent to a mental institute. It's better if you're not entirely wrapped up in my world at that time."
"I don't care if I am. I really don't. " He just shrugs, relaxing back into his pillow.
"You need some time to sleep. I should be going." I tell him sadly, wishing there was more I could do about this whole situation.
"Renesmee." He says almost disapprovingly as I turn for the door. I turn back around and he has his arms open for me. I smile wryly, roll my eyes, and then retreat into his arms.
"What did you tell Arianna?" I ask.
"That I don't remember anything. What are you telling people?"
"Wild dog." I giggle. We are silent for a minute until he breaks it.
"Do you regret it?" He asks.
"Alec, are you really asking me if I enjoyed your blood enough to not regret nearly killing you?" I am appalled.
"That's not what I'm talking about. I mean do you regret having sex with me?" He clarifies. I pause, thinking over my response.
"No. I don't. How could I? I love you. It felt right. It felt..amazing." I smile at the memory.
"Is it going to happen again?" He asks quietly. I take even longer thinking it over.
"I.. Maybe. I know what to expect now. I'm not saying it'll be tomorrow or next week, but it might happen. I'm much better prepared." I tell him.
He is silent for a long time before saying, "I love you too." And kissing my hair.
I snuggle against his side and fall asleep with him, trying to block out that little voice in the back of my mind who has crawled its way back up the cliff and is now telling me that my time with Alec is nearly up.