Chapter 2: Death note

After having said hello and been hugged and congratulated, we all decided to go to our new residence. Apparently, father had already gotten one on my behalf. It was in an area called the Winds, which didn't make sense because there was no wind on the Citadel.

In the car were two asari, an adult and a child.

'I am Meinela and this is Jeina.' said the adult asari as I entered the car, sitting down beside them in the back seat.

'I'm Min.' I shook her hand. The little one didn't like to be left out, so I shook her hand too.

I was rather mystified as to why we had asari hitchhiking with us, but didn't want to sound rude so I let it drop.

Father talked with Jean about what she was planning to do next and for a very brief second or so I got an insight into both of their minds as they spoke. Jean wasn't about to let this event stop her from continuing her career and she was rather proud of becoming "commander Shepard". Father argued that, as she hadn't been in command, "commander" was too soon for her to handle. She told him to shut it and that he was spoiling her buzz, which made the little asari girl laugh.

'So would you like to stay with us for dinner, Jean?' asked father as we arrived in the Winds district. It was a nice enough place. A lot like the Presidium, only with fewer houses and more maintenance.

'I actually hoped to spend the night over. Tomorrow I'm going to return to active duty. Seeing as I'm healthy.'

That made me think. Didn't the doctor say that I had to spend, what, two weeks in the hospital? I voiced this thought.

'As long as you don't push yourself, the doctor has no objection to you spending time in a different environment.' said the asari. 'And I am glad to have some time to spend with you.'

A suspicion, a very strong suspicion, formed in my mind. A suspicion that there was something going on and that I was the only one who didn't know of the specifics.

I didn't respond to Meinela's words. I wasn't sure what to say, regardless.

'You don't want to rest from fighting?' I asked Jean instead.

'Well, we don't really get into many fights. It's just one here, a few months of nothing and then one there. I'll be fine.'

I wasn't sure what she sounded like and didn't press her. No point in annoying people.

As we stepped out of the car I saw where I would be living. It was a house, or maybe a villa, I couldn't be sure. It was tall and grand and very much high standard. It wasn't like one of the millionaire houses, where gold and diamonds would decorate every surface, it was more like a home, only a home for me and a family.

My suspicion strengthening, I followed the group up to the house. I had to make my imprint on the door so that it would recognize me and open. Father and the asari had already done this and Jean refused to.

We spent some time chatting and worked our way up to the dinner part. For every hour that passed, I got more and more agitated. As if there was something wrong with the picture I was seeing, only I couldn't figure out what it was. I knew the source of it, of course. Who were the asari? And why were they here? And why did Meinela keep trying to talk to me? Well no, the last one is obvious. I'd seen my picture in the news a few times now. She must want to ask me about Akuze.

In order to get rid of the suspicion I had, I decided to steel myself and tell her about Akuze, seeing how she wanted to know something about it. And the next time we spoke, she did bring up Akuze, only not how I'd expected her to.

'You are very quiet.' she said, sitting down beside me on the couch. We'd already had dinner.

'I'm just thinking.' I replied, truthfully.

'I know that it must have been hard for you.' she looked at me intently. 'To lose your mother. All your friends. But I am glad that you have found a way to deal with it. I do not wish to bring up painful memories but to bring comfort.'

'Comfort?' I asked, blankly. Had father hired a psycho person? He thought that I was depressed?

'Comfort in that you are alive. That your father is here with you. And that, despite all that has happened, the Galaxy is still a wondrous place to live in.' she explained.

It did sound comforting. Sort of. I still didn't know why she was here, but I felt soothed. For the moment.

The talking went on until late into the night, with little contribution from my side. As on the Presidium, there was no actual night here in the Winds and so I was worried that they'd never shut up. With that thought I realized that it was late enough for us to go to sleep. I didn't get groggy until past ten pm.

'I wish that you could stay.' I said to Jean, for perhaps the hundredth time.

'Hey, if you join the military or become a ship's engineer then we might see each other again. Or I might come by from time to time, who knows.'

She waved a goodbye to my father and the asari and departed in a military shuttle where two very hard-looking men were looking about as if expecting this to be an ambush.

I felt sad that she had to leave because, though I didn't really know her that well, she seemed to be one of those people that was a rock to others. It was a selfish thought, but a comforting one that I might one day serve on the same ship she does.

As we entered the house I felt a shift in the mood around me. As if we were all about to dive into molten lava and had forgotten our bathing suits.

'Numine.' said father in a formal voice. I tried not to flinch. This was going to be about Akuze again, I could feel it.

I turned around, to look up at father. At first I didn't really register what I saw. It didn't really seem important. He was holding Meinela's hand and the asari girl, couldn't remember her name, was standing next to them. But as no one said anything, the symbolism became clearer.

I took two steps forwards and slapped the asari as hard as I could, feeling a sharp pain in my hand and I felt a savage pleasure at knowing that she would hurt more than I was, physically at any rate.

'Numine!' growled my father in anger. 'How dare-...'

I didn't care. I now finally realized what had been nagging at me for so long. Why the asari was here. And why she had a "key" into the "family" house. Because she was family. Because father had already found a replacement for mother. Mother who had worked day and night so that she could go and see him. For once, I did feel hatred, I wanted to beat them all into bloody messes. They hadn't seen how happy the prospect of returning to father had made her. Or how her hands had looked, with broken skin here and there from the machines she operated. And they didn't even seem to realize that she was now dead. And that she had worked in vain.

The house felt like a prison. A death-trap with only one way out. I took that way out. I embraced it willingly. I ran away.

I could still hear the shouts of my father and the higher pitched calls of Meinela but didn't look back. I thought that I could find my way back to the presidium, all I had to do was to find the river and follow it up towards that giant circle that connected all of Citadel's arms.

And I'd never been good at running, so I was reduced to a fast-paced walk as soon as I couldn't hear the calls of my father and, what was she now? My mother? No. She was an asari. An alien. An exotic beast, more than a mother.

But as I passed people on my way to the Presidium, or more accurately, as I passed asari on my way I realized that I couldn't maintain this view on them. Not that I didn't want to. I'd have dearly loved to slap them again. But if I was to live on the Citadel, I'd have to get over my issues. As soon as I saw the river I went into the nearest bar I could find. I was intent on finding any lone asari and talk to her. It never once occurred to me that I was being rash. But as I entered the bar I realized that it was a turian bar, where turians, and even a few quarians, were sitting and talking.

I was about to leave but my legs were very tired and my mind had gotten the better of me. I knew that I had to rest, or I'd be back in the hospital and I knew that I couldn't fix anything at the moment. Time would have to do it for me. So I sat down behind a table and looked at the menu. I had a large amount of credits on my omni tool, more than I'd ever had before, and was certain that I could, if nothing else, pay for a meal.

'I'd be careful if I were you.' said a turian, sitting down across from me. He didn't sound mean, only amused. 'Most of the stuff they serve would kill any human within an hour.'

'It would?' I swallowed, looking down at the menu again. Only now did I notice the fine script at the top. "Only krogan, turian and quarian digestive systems. Batarians be warned."

'Yeah. I once saw a salarian try one of those.' he pointed towards a bowl of tiny blue marble-like balls. 'He lost his sight and fell into the river in panic.'

'Oh.' I said, surprised and alarmed. 'Did he live?'

'Oh yeah, the Keepers did a swift job of fishing him up. But he's still blind.' shrugged the turian.

'Oh.' I said again, feeling awkward.

'Ah, don't mind me. I'm Garrus by the way.' he offered his hand.

'I'm Min.'

'And why, though I don't mean to pry, is a human in a turian bar?' he pried anyway.

'I was just looking for somewhere to sit.' I said. There was no good explanation for why I'd come in here.

'I see.' he said in a voice that was completely and utterly disbelieving. 'To sit?'

'Well, I didn't know that I'd be poisoned.' I offered.

'Right.' he nodded, his voice clearing.

I couldn't read his facial expressions. His face was a reptilian one, with blue markings. I noticed the C-Sec badge attached to his collar.

'Oh. Are you a C-Sec officer? Are you on stakeout?' I asked, looking about.

He laughed.

'No. I'm off duty. But I think I might have seen you before somewhere.' he said, thoughtful.

'Yes, you have.' I said darkly. 'I'm the Akuze survivor.'

'That's it!' he clapped. 'Yes. I'm sorry about that, by the way.'

I just shrugged.

'I'd heard that you got a medal. Someone like you shouldn't be in a place like this.'

I blinked.

'Why? What's wrong with this place?'

'I suppose that, being new to the Citadel you won't notice, but this isn't the finest bar on the Presidium. This is the outskirts of Presidium, as a matter of fact. Almost as bad as the Wards, only not as dirty.' he looked meaningfully at the very loud group of turians that sat a few tables away.

'I don't mind.' I shrugged. 'I... just need to think, alright?'

I wasn't sure why I hadn't asked him to leave me alone yet.

'Alright. But a word of caution,' he looked at me seriously, 'there are people who hold a grudge that you survived.'

'Wha-...' but he was walking away, not looking at me anymore.

What did he mean? How could anyone hold a grudge that I survived? Why? I didn't know anyone on the Citadel for them to hold a grudge against me. And did this mean that I'd be supervised by C-Sec? I wanted to run after him and ask him, but running seemed like a stupid thing to do.

I closed my eyes, trying to think. None of this mattered. What did matter what that asari slut and my father... no, not my father, and that man who were waiting for me.

What should I do? I tried to consider all sides of this event. Much like the thresher maws on Akuze, I had to focus on one singly move to end this quickly and without any more confrontation.

It struck me that, this wasn't the asari's fault. Everyone, me included, were attracted to them. And I'd bet anything on that Meinela hadn't been married when she met my fath-.. That man. But he had been. He had known full well the consequences of his actions and then felt guilty and decided to atone. To save himself from the guilt.

No, the asari wasn't the bad guy. That man was. And I can't live with a stranger in my house. So I'll have to move. I have the credits. And with my engineering skills, I'll find a job on a ship. Maybe on an Alliance vessel. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll serve with Jean. I'd very much like that.

But can I? Is it that simple? Should I just leave them? I felt hesitation at that thought.

No. If I won't do this now, doing it later will be harder. I've already lost everything. A little more won't be as hard to lose now.

I got up, determined and terrified out of my wits. A part of me was screaming at me, telling me that I was being rash and foolish. But another part, that same part that had helped me on Akuze, was telling me to do this now, while I still have the nerve.

My heart beat a violent rhythm as I approached the door to what should have been my home. Instead, it was a house.

'Numine!' shouted my father, anger and relief on his face, making it rather contorted.

'Don't touch me.' I hissed at him in a very offensive tone that made him scowl. 'I came here to get some things.'

'Get things?' he asked, not sure of what I meant.

'I'm not going to live with someone like you in the vicinity.' I replied with all the venom I could muster.

He sighed in a way that suggested that he had expected this reaction and that he felt it was irrational for me to be angry.

'You must hear me out, Min. This isn't what it looks like.' he urged. Or maybe pleaded.

'Hear what?' I snapped. 'How sorry you are or what a mistake this is?' I steeled myself in order to say the stupid words that I didn't want to say. 'You don't know!' and that sounded like any adolescent teenager with daddy issues, but I didn't halt. 'You didn't see mother and how she was excited to see you! I suppose one good thing about her being dead is that she won't see what a pig you are!' I raged.

He winced as my words struck him like physical blows.

'Numine...' said Meinela quietly. I could see the bruise my slap had left and felt a twinge of guilt. 'He is right. This is not what it looks like to you. Would you please-...'

'No. I know that "chance" was responsible for you "encounter". Otherwise you wouldn't dare show your face. It doesn't matter. This is the worst insult he could have done against mother. This man isn't my father. This man is just that. A man.'

I didn't look at either of them as I packed the few things I had. The clothes they'd bought for me. That's all.

'I love your mother. I love her more than anything else. But I love Meinela and Jeina equally much. As I do you. If you give me a chance-...'

'You'll justify it all.' I said, not looking at them. I was packed. I was ready to leave. And my feet were moving towards the door.

'Why will you not give me a chance?' asked the asari in desperation. That made me stop.

'It is not your fault.' I said quietly. 'You are not the one who forgot and dishonoured your family. He is. And I can leave with a clear conscience, knowing that you will be happy. The one thing I regret is that he won't get what's coming to him.'

And I left. I left as fast as I could, finding a taxi to take me to the human hospital. I wanted to get a check-up because of the throbbing in my various body parts.

While sitting in the automated shuttle I couldn't help but feel the pangs of guilt and anxiety that tortured me. But I did manage to keep the tears back. I managed to trick my mind into believing that a better future was ahead. That I was now independent and free. And I tried not to feel the fear of those words. What could I do now? How did one apply for jobs? How did one pay taxes? How did one live alone? I didn't know. And these were only the everyday, mundane things that I'd have to deal with.

But what was my plan for the future? I didn't want a "normal" job. I didn't want to go back to the colony life. Akuze had changed me. I needed things to do. I needed a rush. And where would I find one?

I checked my bank account. It held fifty thousand credits. It was roughly ten stellar years of rent and food, if I saved the money. I thought back to that market. No, the money wouldn't last past two years, maximum.

So why not indulge myself? Why not find out who was responsible for my mother's death. Who the murderers were. It would make up for father's betrayal. More or less. It would allow me to avenge her. And, if things played out the right way, I might even die there. No more troubles. Just simple and inconsequential death. I felt eager at the prospect and it worried me. Was I suicidal? No. I was just very tired.

My omni tool flashed and I saw a message telling me that mother's funeral was being held. I deleted the message. I would honour her my way, not the human way. The human's betrayed us. And the aliens distrusted us. And so I'd have to do this on my own.

The shuttle arrived at the hospital, making me remember what I'd done. I shivered as I realized that I had actually run away from home. And that I wasn't able to undo that. I wouldn't apologize. Not to him.

'Oh? Numine. I thought that you would want to stay at home and rest there.' said the doctor as I entered his office.

'It's complicated.' I said, trying to make him move on to my well being.

'What isn't?' he chuckled. Seeing my expression he decided to skip the bad jokes and get to the issue at hand. 'What can I help you with?'

'Everything is starting to hurt. Am I in trouble?'

He moved closer to me and felt my throat, looked at my pupils and pressed a few buttons on his omni tool. It scanned me and made a few beeping noises.

'Hmm... You have more cadmium in your blood than you should. I'd advise you not to drink water for a while. Drink tea, juices or anything else you can think of. The cadmium is reacting poorly with the eye implant. It will pass in a few days.' he said reassuringly. 'And you have broken down a lot of muscle tissue. Have you been running?'

'I... yes. But not much.'

He sighed in exasperation.

'You shouldn't be running at all! I will spell it out to you: The radiation has weakened your body. It can't perform the same things that it could two months back. You can't run. And you can't jump. Not just yet, anyway.' he sent an application to my omni tool. 'This will tell you when the radiation's effect has worn off and then you can run, jump, climb buildings and wrestle with krogan battlemasters as much as you like.'

I nodded guiltily. So I couldn't run or jump. What a big change that would make. Now I wouldn't be able to do what I've never done before.

'Maybe you should stay here for a few more days. I don't think that you can handle this on your own.'

'No, I'll be fine. It was a one time thing. I have a place to stay and I won't be leaving it.'

He scrutinized me carefully before nodding.

'Alright. But come back if you still have trouble with pain.'

I nodded reassuringly to him and left his office. Outside, I had no idea what to do next. Back in the bar I'd had the feeling that I knew exactly what to do next. Now, however, I was lost.

I decided to check my omni tool for information.

I found several places that one could rent on the Citadel. A few posts where they needed a mechanic. But the thing that caught my eye was the post on the Atlas, an Alliance scouting frigate. They were hiring civilian engineers for the upcoming journey that would take them to the Terminus systems.

This was something that I couldn't pass up.

'Are you mad?'

I shrieked and jumped from surprise.

'What the..? What are you doing here?'

It was the turian from before, in the bar. He was looking... well I couldn't tell what he looked like, but I could feel the annoyance emanating from him.

'I suppose that your ignorance can be excused by the fact that you are from a human colony. But normally, when you are being warned by the police that someone has a grudge against you, one does not run away from home.'

'I... how do you know I ran away?'

'Your parents want you back home.'

'That doesn't sound like them.'

'That's what I thought.' he muttered, 'I took the hint when the address to which you were supposed to be returned to was in the Wards.'

'You mean the Winds.' I frowned, trying to make out what he was suggesting.

'If I'd meant the Winds, I'd have said the Winds. Someone is taking advantage of your isolation.'

'Oh.' I stared at him as the implications of what he said sank in. 'But wait. If I had arrived in the Wards I could tell to whomever brought me that it was the wrong place.' I said, thinking it through.

'Maybe they weren't planning to have you come that far.' he shrugged. 'Or maybe they'd bought off the cop.'

'How do I know I can trust you?' I asked shrewdly.

'You don't.' he said simply.

'Look, it doesn't matter. I'm going to work on an Alliance scouting vessel. Loads of soldiers. I'll be fine.'

He considered this.

'Alright. I'll follow you to the docking bay, as it's through the wards. And I don't want to see you doing more stupid things like this.'

He took me all the way through the Wards, which were indeed rather dark and suspicious, to C-Sec and then up to the Alliance docking bay.

There were a lot of men in fancy, military attires, walking about very importantly but doing nothing in particular. A quarian stormed past me, swearing loudly in salarian and quarian. The combination sounded very fierce and made my cheeks go red.

The turian hung back, not approaching the Alliance soldiers and engineers.

'Hi. I'm here to apply for the civilian engineer post. I know that I look young but I assure you that I am competent. If you want, I could demonstrate what I can do.' I said confidently to the captain of the ship, who's name was captain Mournat.

He looked at me levelly.

'Alright. Come with me and show me what you can do.' he said, leading me towards the ship's engines. 'We got in a fire fight a few day ago and lost our shields. Luckily we got away in time. Upon coming out of the mass relay we hit some debris and it damaged one of our engines.'

I scanned the engine with my omni tool. I was clean. The damage was only cosmetic.

'The engine is fine.' I said, frowning. It didn't look fine.

'Right. Get out.' said the captain, already walking away.

I scanned the surroundings of the engine. There was something clotting up the mobile mechanics. I looked about to make sure that no one was looking and hacked one of the repair drones. I had to dismantle a tiny part of the connection ledge that concealed the motorics and the power routes that went straight to the engine. The debris was still in there. It hadn't gone away, it was the reason for the bent engine. The repair drone removed it in an almost surgical way and patched up the hole.

'Captain!' I called. I didn't need to, he was standing just beside me, watching me intently.

'What's your name?' he asked, smiling slightly.

'My name is Min Shin'ichi.'

That brought him up short.

'The one from Akuze?'

I nodded, resigned. This would probably follow me until the day I died.

'Ah... Look. You're good and all, but... I can't hire you. You should just go and get some rest. Yes, that would be best. Go and get some rest.'

'What? No, I want this job.' I said, upset. 'Look, give me something more technical and I can fix that as well.'

He shook his head, wringing his hands.

'No. It's best... we're not hiring anyone at the moment... Yes, you had better go.'

'But...'

'That's an order.'

I looked at him in disbelief for a moment. This was a horrible day.

'What happened?' asked the turian as I returned, looking sulky.

'I have no idea. One moment he was about to say that I was hired and the next he looked all scared and worried.' I shook my head. I now understood why the quarian had been swearing and, had it been in my nature, I'd have cursed the captain to every level of hell.

The turian said nothing in a way that sounded a lot like "told you so".

'Look, what the hell is going on here, Garett? I'm really starting to freak out.'

'Garrus.' he corrected. 'Come, I'll tell you what I can.'

'Wait. You know what's going on and yet you allowed me to walk around like an idiot?'

'I don't know what's going on. I had no idea that the Alliance wouldn't accept you. I wanted you off Citadel to save us all trouble.'

And then we entered the central wards.

'Holy cow.' I whispered.

Now I understood what they had meant about unblocking traffic. There were thousands of shuttles flying about, overhead and straight ahead as the whole of Citadel splayed out before us. A million lights were lit in the dark of the Wards and, from my vantage point, it seemed like a portrait of a digital world.

'There must be millions of people living here. And dozens of races.'

'Yeah. And no end of trouble.' said Garrus bracingly.

'Because of officers like you, Vakarian.' said someone from behind.

I jumped and wheeled about to face the newcomer. It was another C-Sec officer, only this one had a more official uniform. More dots on the collar. He had a higher rank.

'Chief Inspector Voreth.' saluted Garrus, soberly.

'Isn't this the Shin'ichi girl?' asked the inspector.

'She is.'

'And why is she wandering around the Wards, instead of being home with her family?'

'She ran away, sir.'

I noticed that Garrus wasn't really paying any attention to the questions or the man asking them. He was simply... bored. But not in a particularly perceptible way.

The inspector massaged his... equivalent of brows.

'But what the hell is she doing here?'

'I was taking her to a safe house. As my apartment is flagged as one of them and we already have a connection I thought that it would be appropriate for me to take her there until we find the risk.' after a second's pause he added; 'Sir.'

The inspector nodded and began walking away.

'No, wait! Look, I still don-...'

'Do not speak of such matters in public.' said Garrus, placing his arm on my shoulder. 'Let's go.'

He steered me through a crowd of people in a way that made me sure he knew that we were being followed. We were. A woman with unnaturally black hair had crossed my path twice in different places of the crowd.

'Garrus...' I tugged at his arm.

'Don't worry, it's just the foreplay.' he said calmly. 'They'll lose us as soon as we take the taxi and they know it. There are too many people here.'

He was right. The taxi we took was only accessible because Garrus flashed his C-Sec badge to get to it. And no other shuttle was anywhere near the landing.

'Why are there so many people here?'

'It's that day...' he said, trying to remember. 'It's the... Well the day that human and turians made peace. We don't celebrate it. There have been too many wars for us to fit them all into one fiscal year.'

I nodded. I hadn't realized that this day existed. We didn't have many special days to celebrate back at the colony. There were birthdays, Christmas and Easter. Then there was the asari holiday, Ardat Iknai. I had no idea what was so special about Christmas or Easter, I guess that they were famous people in some way. The one I knew a bit about was Ardat Iknai. It's an old, old for humans, celebration where one contemplates one's ambitions and goals. It starts at the dusk of the first day of the first week of summer and ends at the dawn of the last day of the first week of summer.

Who came up with those rules I don't know. But it did give people one week off from school and work.

No one was too sure about how long Christmas was supposed to last, so it varied between two to three weeks. And Easter was simply ridiculous. We'd have holograms of bunnies run around and hide eggs in the oddest places like shoes, light bulbs and balloons.

I quickly shut those memories away in fear that I might start doing something embarrassing like crying.

'So... can you tell me now?' I asked after five minutes of silence.

'No patience, eh? Well, it all started a few days back when we found a shipment of odd cargo. It wasn't illegal or even bad, just clothes and shoes, that kind of things. But it didn't register on any scans so we had a look. Inside was a note to someone called Jeirre. It was a list of names. Most of them were from your colony but some were from places like Feros and Bastion.' he looked at me, ignoring the flight path or the speeding shuttles. 'Your name was one of them.'

'Why? What does that mean?'

'Well, as far as we can tell, you're the only one alive out of all those names. A bit of detective work tells us that many of those deaths were suspicious. Nothing tells us that they were staged, arranged or that anything odd was going on. Until Akuze.'

'Ah... but why did they send that note in a container full of clothes?'

'We're still working on that one. They're second hand clothes, but whom they belonged to or whether they have a significance I don't know.'

'And why am I in danger again?' I tried to wrap my head around all of this but it still made no sense.

'Because you are the only survivor amongst five hundred and seventy two. Something's going on and it's going on here, on the Citadel. It's also going on around the Skyllian Verge, in the human colonies. That's all we know at the moment.'

This wasn't very illuminating. True, I knew that there was a note with my name on it, a death list or something, and that it arrived in the most unorthodox fashion, but that only told me of how much I really didn't know.

'And where are you taking me?' I asked, wrapping this up.

'Didn't you pay attention? My apartment is a safe house. You'll stay there for a week. Then, if this isn't resolved I'll see if I can get you off the Citadel.'

'Why can't I leave the Citadel now?'

'Do you want to leave the Citadel now?'

I didn't know. I had been ready to leave back there, with the prospect of just getting away from all of it. But now... things seemed more complicated.

'One week?'

'One week.'

Garrus's apartment was basically a safe house. There was almost no personality in it. Only two pictures of him and two other turians, family I guessed. A vase with no flowers. The furnishing was nice, but I suspected that this is the stuff he'd bought along with the apartment.

There were two rooms, bathroom, kitchen and a balcony that overlooked the wards. He seemed to live up on the hundredth or so floor. Shuttles zoomed by with a speed that I was sure that no Mako in the galaxy could ever reach.

'You live here?' I asked, impressed and disappointed at the same time.

'Yeah. But I spend most of my time looking for criminals. Red sand dealers are popping up more than usual nowadays. Blue roots are becoming fashionable again and ecstasy is literally making blood flow.'

I didn't recognize any of those drugs and was really impressed with Garrus for knowing them. We'd had one on the colony, LSD. I'd tried it once, because everyone said that it was such a great drug. After about ten pills I decided to give up on drugs. Nothing happened aside from me sleeping more than usual.

'So I must really be a burden then.' I said, judging his reaction to my words.

'Nope. Though I have, for instance, no idea what humans eat. I've never been out to shop groceries before.'

I stared at him in disbelief.

'Never? Well what do you eat?'

'We have a canteen in C-Sec. I usually eat there, it's cheap and I don't have to cook. And my only previous visitors were a batarian family. They'd brought all the food with them, along with stereos and vids. Noisy like hell.'

'Why did you have them here?' I got the impression that he didn't much like batarians.

'Because my apartment is flagged as a safe house, seeing as I'm rarely here. And I can't ignore an order, as much as I'd like to.' he sniggered. 'They were here for two days. They got shot on that couch you're sitting on.'

I looked at him blankly, processing the info. It took me four seconds to realize what he had said. I jumped up form the couch.

'Ah! Eww! Why's your house a safe house if people have died here?' I squealed.

'Relax, I shot them.'

This didn't make me feel remotely better. He seemed to realize what he had said and decided to explain.

'They weren't the ones on the run, they were the ones who were hunting the victim. Intel had dropped that ball.' he shook his head in annoyance. 'They'd realized that we were on to them and decided to shoot their way out. I wasn't having any of that.' he shrugged. 'Took me hours to clean up the mess.'

The cold way in which he spoke of killing but the fierce way in which he spoke about the justice system made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't like killing and justice systems were a point of protection for me.

'And what about the victim?'

'She was an asari dancer. She'd heard the wrong things and ran for it. As far as we know she's somewhere in the Terminus systems, Ilium probably.'

I sighed. This was a very bad and strange day. I'd almost forgotten how it had started and felt anger resurface at the thought of how my father had betrayed me. Betrayed mother's memory. Sold himself to some asari.

There was something odd about asari, something that I couldn't quite put my finger on. It was as they were... Well, if I knew then I wouldn't be puzzled, would I?

And that thought kept me distracted while Garrus went to buy groceries. He had left a good deal of security upgrades on, so that I had to confirm every time I went from room to room, looking around.

He had a sniper rifle near his bed. A bed that was made for two, but seemed cold and unused.

I was complaining about being lonely, but this man was nothing more than a C-Sec tool. What kind of parentage did one need to have for such total devotion?

'Alright, I got fogria, noodles, or is it noddles? Never mind. And I got mirmak.'

'Mirmak is a quarian gravy.' I said, amused.

'Oh. Well, we'll use it as fertilizer for the salarian plants I bought as well. There's vorcha nails, varren steak and sashi, no wait, sushi. Hear anything you like?'

'Why did you buy plants?'

'I didn't notice the notice "only for salarians". Sorry.'

I shook my head.

'Well, you did pretty well otherwise. Though... vorcha nails?'

He thought for a second.

'Oh, right. That's krogan appetizers.' he shook his head. 'Having so many races in one place makes markets for low income very confusing. There used to be one, Atras, but it got shut down after a fire fight there.'

'So. Sushi is fish. And noddles-...'

'Noodles.'

'Right, they are wheat. And varren is meat. I think that we'll eat together.' he said, trying to figure it out.

'Couldn't we have ordered?'

'This is a safe house for a reason. As far as VIs are concerned, this apartment doesn't exist. It's not registered anywhere. So I pay taxes for some tiny hut down at the bottom of the Wards. Saves me about four hundred creds per month.'

'So no pizza?'

He shook his head, pushing buttons on the kitchen controls. I'd seen flight controls, cockpits and Mako interiors. Compared to this kitchen they seemed like child's play.

He pushed buttons for about ten minutes until I decided to take things into my own hands.

'Um... this is off record, right?' I said, activating my omni tool.

'I won't arrest you for hacking an oven.'

And I did. It was a huge mess of commands. Finally I found the ones that were heat and time.

'Good. Just put the meat in and we'll see what it becomes. No wait! This isn't Celsius. How hot is this?'

He checked my omni tool and did some mental math.

'In Celsius? A little over nine hundred degrees.'

Right. I'd have to learn a new temperature measure as well, if I wanted to live on the Citadel. Or in this galaxy.

'So this would make it around one hundred and twenty?' I asked, reducing the amount.

'No, that's... fifty.'

'God damn it. Who came up with this system?'

He just shrugged.

Eventually I checked the extranet for instructions on how to prepare meat and what the Nemia equivalent of a hundred and twenty Celsius was.

'You know, it would have been easier to just light a fire.' I said, returning to the living room.

'You seem cheerful.' he commented, looking up from his rifle. 'I was worried that I'd have to comfort you the whole week.'

I thought about that. It seemed that I had managed to come to terms with how I had left my "family". I loved my mother. And I was going to avenge her. I had that thought firmly in mind. Then there was my father. I knew that he was hurt by me not accepting the woman he loved, which made me feel better and worse at the same time. And then there was this mystery that was hunting me. It was terrifying and very confusing, but for some reason Garrus made it seem like a game or a joke. My whole body hurt more than ever, but I'd gotten my hands on some medi-gel in Garrus's first aid kit and that had decent painkillers in it.

All in all, I was just tired. And confused. This day seemed so not worth it.

Instead of saying anything about this however, I decided to return attention to him.

'Do you fire that rifle often?'

'No. There's not much call for rifles in the district to which I was transferred. A badge does its job. But from time to time we get all kinds of people. Bomb threats, racists, all of that. The batarian incident was the most violent event we'd had in a decade. It's hard to break the law here.'

'There are districts with more violence?'

'This isn't the Terminus systems. Law is the rule, not a taboo around here. The further away from Citadel you get the worse it gets. But here, there's barely any.'

I nodded, thoughtful. He had strong views on law, the way he spoke about it.

'Then what's wrong?'

'What do you mean?'

'You sound as if that's not a good thing.'

He sighed, looking down.

'You're the first human I've known to be so perceptive around turians.' he pointed out.

That was true. I was more perceptive than usual. I'd read somewhere that panic heightens your senses. If I was in panic, then I'd be more sensitive. It made sense.

'I'm having a... weird day.' I said, not sure how to summarize.

'Does this kind of thing happen often?'

'Since Akuze or before?' I asked, trying to figure out if it did or not.

Come to think of it, a lot of weird stuff has happened to me during my life. These past few days are simply an elevation of extremeness.

'In all.' he said.

'Ah... more or less. Though it seems to be getting worse lately.' I thought back to the time when I had accidentally drowned an Alliance frigate. Maybe that's why they didn't let me work there?

'Sounds like a story.' he said, interestedly.

'More then I'd like to admit.' I muttered.

We talked a bit more about C-Sec and he hoped that I'd be comfortable while they caught the people out to get me while I said that I hoped I wasn't a burden and throughout dinner we were very polite and civil and I was very ready to go to bed after we were done.

'I'll take the couch.' he offered. 'I've never used the bed, anyway.'

It was odd, this huge bed in which, even if I stretched as far as I could I didn't touch the edges of it. And it was cold. And very lonely.

In the darkness of the Wards and the silence and comfort I was able to finally grasp what had happened to me. Grasp and cry about it. For now, my family was shattered beyond repair. All I could do now was to go on alone.

I thought of Garrus. Didn't he have someone? Was he also alone? I checked the living room where he was sitting and writing a report. I couldn't tell. He was too cold and preserved to be calculated. But I found myself trusting him. At least not to kill me in my sleep. And not to betray me like my own father had. And, though maybe I was paranoid, I thought that because he didn't say goodnight, nor expect it from me, he must have been just as lonely before me as I was right now.

Waking up was a painful affair. I had a rash everywhere, which made the morning routine very uninviting and I had lost some motoric ability in my left arm. Luckily, Garrus was a turian and saw no difference in my appearance, even when I pointed it out to him.

'I can see the red, but it's not that different really. The shape is still the same and the expression doesn't seem to vary too much.' he shook his head. 'I'll call your doctor to pay you a visit, you shouldn't leave the safe house, there's a chance that you'll be followed.'

The way he was acting around me was as if he was embarrassed. I guessed that he had little experience in babysitting and didn't like the prospect of it.

'I've got a call from the Chief Inspector. He says that there is a thread to be picked up from a previous C-Sec employee. He's turned into an information broker, but a good one. A detective, more than not. I expect that this will be over soon enough.'

A few minutes after Garrus had left the doctor arrived, a bag with supplies in his hand and a harassed look on his face.

'Something wrong?' I asked, inviting him in.

'No, no. God, no. Just... crowded.' he lied. I guessed that he had been followed as well.

'Will they find a way in?' I asked, not really worried but wanting to get rid of the tiring pretences.

He looked at me sharply but then his gaze faltered.

'I don't know. I met your turian friend on the way and he took the woman into custody on some false charge. She's probably out by now, but she didn't see me entering.' he shook his head in distress. 'You have a very interesting life, miss Shin'ichi. Running away, then getting cooped up.'

'I'm planning on leaving as soon as I get a post on a star ship.' I said defensively.

'Yes, of course.' he said, not meeting my eyes.

He looked me over with pursed lips.

'This is good.' he said eventually.

'What? How is this,' I gestured towards myself in general, 'good?'

'It is good because it's a rash. A visible symptom. If you had a headache then there would be no way to confirm my suspicions, but this is obvious and therefore good.'

I didn't understand what he meant but he scanned me and took a blood sample.

'Yes, I thought as much.' he nodded wisely. 'The dark spot in your brain is a corruption created by the strong radiation. It isn't dead, but it's not your brain any more. It's more like a clump of very solid cells. Do you understand so far?' I nodded to show that I was following. 'These cells give off a signal substance, a cellular pheromone if you like, to the rest of the brain. All I have to do is give you the antidote.' he smiled.

'And do you have it?'

'I'll have to figure out what kind of chemical we are dealing with. Taking that medi-gel might have been a mistake, because your cadmium levels have risen and I assume that you took medi-gel for the pain?'

I nodded again, a little scared now. He must have noticed because he said in a reassuring tone of voice.

'If I thought that you were in any danger from this then I would never have allowed you to leave the hospital. This is abnormal, yes, but curable, treatable and all the rest.'

He was lying. He was a very good liar, but there is some body language that can't be faked. He had no idea what this was. Though he was probably confident that he could neutralize it, at least.

I nodded.

He took a few more scans and then took out a computer out of his doctor's bag. It ran a number of simulations, showing how my brain was likely to react to different stimuli, like antibiotics, lithium, gold. Eventually he found a number of solid looking simulations.

'It seems that you have a toxin that is unidentifiable.' he frowned. 'But not untreatable.'

He was silent for a very long moment, allowing the effects of treated eezo to repeat themselves on the screen. I didn't know what it showed, but it seemed to impress the doctor.

'I don't know how to say this...' he began anyways and my heart sank. ', but there is a favour I must ask of you. You are free to decline, of course, but...'

'What is it? Just say it.' I said a bit more forcefully than I intended.

'I want you to keep this dark spot.' he said. Bluntly. And simply.

'Ah... ok. Why? Or rather, I didn't really know that it could be removed, so...' I had no good answer to that at all. It didn't really matter to me.

'This is a cyst, as far as your body is concerned. And it is poisoning you. A simple shot of dextrocalvedol will neutralize it, likely for the rest of your life, but if it isn't killed with, say, a coctail of dextrocalvedol and succeromarine then you will suffer the side effects of it for the rest of your life.'

'What side effects?'

'Well... it's location means that you might suffer schizophrenia, paranoia, basically anything that affects your personality. But if neutralized then it will not affect you in a way that you won't be able to notice or affect. In fact, it might just provide valuable insights.'

'Look, dumb it down. If I keep it, what then? Will I go nuts and climb trees or just get an occasional cough?'

'Occasional stress.' he nodded.

'And if I remove it, then... what?'

'Not remove it, that can't be done. Kill it completely and dissolve it. That would be painful but only for a short period of time. No more side effects. But I then I won't be able to study the effect it has on you.'

'Wait.' I said, raising one hand. 'A dead piece of flesh is always bad.'

'It will dissolve, spread through your blood stream and get picked up by the liver. Hence the pain.'

I thought this through. It didn't seem like a good idea. Aside from the fact that I was certain that my arteries and veins weren't big enough for something like that, I didn't like the idea of pain much either.

'No, no. Keep it. I like, ah, cysts.' I said, panicking slightly.

'I didn't do the suggestion of removal justice.' he said apologetically. 'It's quite as safe as keeping. More so, in fact.'

'I don't care. It's mine, right? I'll keep it.' I was certain that I didn't want tampering with my brain, so keeping it, whatever it was, seemed like the logical thing to do.

'Alright.' he sighed in relief and distress. 'I've put my foot in my mouth, might as well start chewing.'

I stared at him, not sure what he meant.

He injected me with a red solution that felt warm and pleasant when it entered my body. Like a hot shower.

My sight went white for a few seconds, making me lose balance and clutch the couch very tightly.

'Wow. What is this?' I panicked as I realized that I wasn't worried about it. It was some kind of hallucinogen. Then I realized that I was worried and became even more worried that I might be going mad. Then I worried that I might be paranoid and worry too much. The last bit worried me a lot.

'It's a methanol based solution. But the toxin would counteract it, so don't worry.' he said, unsure.

'You injected methanol into me!' I shrieked. 'What kind of a doctor does that! I thought that there was an oath that prohibited you from medical murder!'

He took me firmly by the shoulders and spoke calmly.

'This will be over soon. There isn't enough methanol to cause damage and the toxin will counteract any that exists. It will simply reduce the spread of the toxin in your brain and scorch the outside of the cyst.'

I couldn't think clearly anymore. My mind was wandering in circles. Thoughts of mother and father, Garrus, thresher maws, Jean, the ambassador, the Alliance scouting vessel, the note with my name, amongst many, on it.

And somehow... it all made sense to me. It was as if...

And then the effects vanished as if they had never existed. I hadn't realized that I was on the bed. The doctor must have put me there. I sat up to ask him about how it went but he was gone. I frowned. Had I fallen asleep? Lost consciousness? As far as I could tell only seconds had passed. I checked my watch. The date had changed. Twenty seven hours had passed.