The rumble of a car heads down the driveway. My head snaps up, startling my unnamed child. She stares at me with those large, pure green eyes, her tangle of black curls fluffed atop her head.
"Alec.." I murmur as the car begins to wind down the long drive towards our house buried deep in the jungle. Rose holds out her arms, and I slide Alexis over to her. I smooth down my yellow and white dress and run my fingers through my hair.
I rush outside, the humid air a steep contrast from the cool air-conditioning. I hang on to the white post of the railing of the porch for support. My knees are weak and shaky at the thought of seeing Alec again.
Emmett's jeep comes down the drive through the night. My heart literally stops for a millisecond before speeding into overdrive. I watch as Emmett and Alice get out. They stare at me for a moment, nod, and then head in to go through the garage door.
For a moment, a panicked thought that Alec jumped ship before they got here runs through my head. But no, I can smell that intensified honeysuckle scent of his. The lack of the dab of Old Spice, small and insignificant as it may be, breaks my heart. Human Alec never went anywhere without it.
I can hear him take a deep breath, and then step from the car. My eyes soak in his new vampire features. The pale, marble skin that lacks the oncoming summer tan that he had last I saw him. The thicker, somehow shinier black hair. The extra muscle on his arms, his broad shoulders, the muscular chest, the perfect v-form of his body, the added height. The stronger jawline and more defined cheekbones. And, worst of all, the blazing crimson eyes that are boring straight into mine.
I slowly walk down the stairs, each step causing a stubborn creak from the old wood. My feet drift over the stone path. He takes a few steps towards me, then stops, watching me warily. It's as if I am a stranger.
"Do you remember me, Alec?" I whisper, a feeling of pure dread seeping into my stomach. It's worse than I thought. He doesn't hold a grudge or anything. He can't recall who I even am.
He stares at me for a while longer. "They took my memories." He says, his voice now more musical and practically enchanting. I have no qualms about who 'they' are. The Volturi.
"How?" I whisper, biting my lip so I don't cry. I had all these thoughts of raising a family, of things going back to normal, and come to find out he doesn't even know me anymore.
He shrugs, and that little gesture is like a flicker of hope to me. He shrugged in that puzzled yet nonchalant way a million times when he was human. The fact that he still does it now is symbolic to me.
He stares at me a long time, then reaches into the pocket of his jeans and pulls out a stack of photographs. I take them from him with trembling hands. They're the pictures of us.
"You look different than you did then and in the memories I have of you." He observes.
"I'm turning into a vampire. It happens when a half-breed like me enters the prime of their existence." I explain. It feels so weird having to explain it to him again. We've always known that, dealt with it together.
"That's what the fight was about, wasn't it? Why we broke up?" He asks.
"You remember?" I whisper, smiling a little, reaching forward and placing my hand on his cheek. It is cold and hard, not at all like I remember it being of course, but my hand buzzes with heated electricity at touching him.
He looks at the ground for a long time, and then his eyes flicker up to mine, glistening with tears. "She gave me back glimpses of my memory. I see flashes of things, but nothing flows together. Nothing is complete.." He sighs and then adds in a struggled tone, "I don't know you. I don't really remember ever meeting you. The memories I have.. They don't even feel like my own. Yet your touch-" He reaches up, placing his hand over mine "it feels like home. And the thought of you makes me so happy, and recalling kissing you is like ecstasy. I'm in love with you, yet I don't know you. But I'm trying. You have no idea how hard I'm trying to remember. But it's going to take time to even get used to the idea that you and I were ever once a couple."
I let his words sink in for a moment. "Are you saying it's over? Things can never be the same? Because I love you. I love you more than words can describe. And honestly, the thought of losing you again makes me want to scream and rip my hair out. But if you need distance, my family can offer you a place to stay on an entirely different continent. Just tell me what you want, Alec, and I'll give it to you."
He looks at me, then opens his mouth like he is about to agree with everything I just said and beg to get the hell out of here, and suddenly, moving so fast my eyes didn't catch it, he grabs me by my waist and pulls me to him.
His ice-cold lips press against mine with a dearly missed zing of electricity. I am shocked for a moment, and then slowly wrap my arms around his neck, twining my fingers into that silky soft hair of his, and pull him closer.
For the first time, I open my mouth and his tongue comes in. There is no more barriers, no worrying about killing him. I grab him and thrust him against the wall of the house so hard I'm sure it left a crack, separation from him making me incredibly lusty and passionate. His hands hold me tightly as if he is afraid I'll explode into a puff of confetti if he lets go. I do the same, desperately trying to convince my rational mind that this is really happening and not just some fantasy.
He pulls back first. Both of us are breathing hard, our eyes bright and chests heaving.
"I can't leave you. Thinking of it.. It feels wrong. I need you." He whispers, tucking a piece of my reddish brown hair behind my ear.
"I need you too. Our daughter needs you." I tell him.
"Our daughter?" He murmurs.
"Our daughter. She was just born yesterday." I smile, a tear falling from my eye.
"What's her name?" He whispers.
"Alexis. After you." I tell him, taking his frigid hand in mine. His stares into my eyes, reading my face as I read his. He seems a bit overwhelmed. "Do you want to meet her?" I ask him quietly. He nods jerkily, pressing his lips together in a hard line.
I lead him inside through the front door. The family is gathered in the living room and Alice is holding Alexis on her lap. She hands her to me as I walk forward. I cradle her in my arms and walk back towards Alec.
"She looks just like you." I whisper, angling her to give him a good view. She looks up at him with eyes that resemble his human ones, and almost smiles. He looks down at her like she is the single most beautiful thing he has ever seen. "Do you want to hold her?" I ask him. He nods, and I slide her gently into his arms. She has a thick blanket wrapped around her to protect her from the cold of vampires.
"No, she looks like you." He argues, stroking her hair with one finger. I almost want to laugh; Alexis is the spitting image of Alec! But I don't, not wanting to upset him. And as he says it, I pick up on the traces of me on her. The red tint of her black hair, the dimples on her cheeks, the little button nose, the thick golden-brown lashes, the ringlets in her hair.
The longer Alec stares at her, the more disturbed he appears to grow. Just as I'm worried I've laid too much on him at once, he hands Alexis over to me.
"I.. I'm sorry. This is all so much to take in. One day I have no background, no history, and I'm the most powerful member of a royal clan, and the next I have a family of eight vampires, a girlfriend who looks at me like I'm some kind of god, and a daughter. I need to go." His face is stricken and sorrowful as he disappears out the door and into the night, the wind closing the door behind him with a light thud.
"No, Alec!" I call, in the process of handing Alexis over to Rose so I can go after him.
"Let him have some space, Nes." Mom advises, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"He'll do something rash. He's confused." I argue, trying to hand Alexis to Rose. She shakes her head and backs away, refusing to help me in my plan to go after Alec.
"He needs distance. " Mom urges, guiding me by my shoulder to the couch.
"He read my journal. He saw the pictures. He knew what he was getting in to by coming here!" I point out angrily.
"Knowing what is to come and actually experiencing it are very different, baby girl. It was probably a shock to his system to be thrown into a group of people he can't remember ever actually meeting and having an intense romantic relationship and a daughter handed to him all at once." Rose says as she sits down next to Mom.
"I feel like I've made an idiot of myself." I scoff at my own stupidity, angry tears stinging my eyes. "He didn't even know me. I was a stranger that was staring at him with googly eyes and confessing her love to him. He probably thinks I'm some freak."
"Oh, honey, of course not." Esme comes to kneel in front of me. "He knows that you two had a serious relationship. He understands that you two loved each other, and believe it or not but he still loves you as much as he did when he was human."
"It's true." Jasper pipes in.
"And loving someone you feel you don't even know can be quite nerve-rattling, as you could imagine." Dad adds.
I shake my head, feeling claustrophobic. I stand up so quickly Alexis, who had begun to doze off, is startled into alertness. I rush off upstairs and into Alexis' ivory and pastel-pink flowery nursery.
I rock her all night, staring down at her as she sleeps, remembering the same peacefulness on Alec's face when he slept, and wondering if we are ever going to be able to pick up the broken pieces and become a family again.