Fifteen years later, Stefen remembered that scene with a wistful smile. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Medren was equally lost in reflection. They had journeyed together to Lineas-Baires to visit Tashir and were a few candlemarks away from Haven still.

"A penny for your thoughts, old friend," Stefen said, pulling his gray mare, a descendant of Melody's, closer to Medren's chestnut.

A twinkle in his eye, Medren met his gaze. "That even in her aged woolgathering state, Mother never forgets to remind me of my wifeless, childless life." Pausing, Medren straightened his back and mimed vivid hand gestures, " 'Oh Medren, is there any other… news…. from Haven?' 'Why no, Mother,'" he mock-replied, shrugging, then raised his voice once more, " 'No... lady friends?' He shrugged. 'Mother, I have many friends who are ladies! I live at Court nowadays!'"

Stefen laughed. "Oh, come off it, Medren! Your Mother's right to plague you. I've never known someone to run through as many "loves" as you—" he paused to hold up a finger to stave off Medren's inevitable reference to Stefen's own youthful adventures, "—at the normally respectable age of forty!"

"Hmph," Medren snorted. "Celibacy isn't healthy, either," he remarked, shooting a pointed look at Stefen.

"I have good reasons for my behavior." He paused. "Plus, I'm not celibate."

Medren's eyes widened, "That's news to me!"

"Yes, well, there is value in discretion," Stefen replied serenely.

"WHO?" Medren exclaimed. "You must realize I'm bursting to know."

Chuckling, Stefen said, "I know. That was my intention."

Memory:

He had been celibate for ten years after Vanyel's death. He hadn't even been able to consider another lover, especially not knowing that Vanyel waited for him in Sorrows. Certainly, it was difficult. There were occasional temptations, especially with his growing fame. But he couldn't countenance it—Vanyel was aware, out there, somewhere!

Gods, he missed the feeling of human touch, though.

Jisa had asked him about it one evening, over a game of Hinds and Hounds. "I'm worried about you, Stef," she'd said, blunt as ever.

"Why?"

"You need someone… something in your life besides work. Don't make the mistakes my father did. I know, I was here watching him go slowly mad in white linen, slowly more isolated from everyone and everything until you came along."

Stefen sighed and looked down. "Jisa, I can't imagine being with anyone else. I can't… it would be wrong, betraying Vanyel's memory."

And then, with a faraway look in her eye, Jisa sat silent for a moment.
"I know what he did, Stefen. I know he stayed on as a ghost, in Sorrows." She smiled at his shocked look. "Taver told me… only me. And one summer, alone, I made a pilgrimage up there. You were off on duty, somewhere. I felt something like a Call."

"Did you see him?" Stefen asked wonderingly.

"Yes," she replied, eyes bright with tears. "But he said it's hard to materialize like that. And my hand slipped right through his—a cruelty, almost. A faint mirror of Vanyel alive."

"I know," Stefen said, voice breaking. "That's why I won't go back there."

Nodding, Jisa continued. "We spoke of that, and of you. Father said he knew you wouldn't, and most certainly shouldn't, come back to Sorrows. He said that he controlled little of when he could appear fully and that it cost him in energy." She paused. "But he wanted me to tell you something."

She took both Stefen's hands in hers. "He said, Don't let him become like I was. Don't let him be a statue. There is no betrayal in taking pleasure and comfort, when it comes. I would be a thousand times happier knowing Stefen had lovers, and the benefit of human touch, than knowing he bound himself in the frigid bonds of fidelity to a ghost."

Tears streaming down his face, Stefen shook his head. "I can't, Jisa. Don't you see? I can't, knowing he's there!"

Moving her hands to cup his face, she looked deep in his eyes. "One day, you will. And know that it's with his blessing."

Medren's loud voice interrupted his thoughts. "Are you really going to leave me wondering? Me, your oldest and dearest friend?"

Stefen simply smiled and urged his mare to a quick trot, leaving Medren groaning in frustration behind him.

Memory.

A year after his conversation with Jisa, he had gone to k'Treva. Moondance had sent him a message—dropped in his chambers by hawk, no less—inviting him to Brightstar's wedding.

Hello, little one,

It read.

Come celebrate love and life with us.

Cryptic, but Stefen had known from an earlier letter. He had kept in touch with the Tayledras Adept over the past decade, sending messages every few years.

He penned a swift reply acquiescing and prepared for his long journey, using the map Moondance enclosed with the invitation. He'd been once before, but it wasn't an easy route to remember.

The journey was long and somewhat arduous; fortunately Stefen was used to hardship, after Vanyel's trip North and the Karsite border. He arrived in a damp shivering state, causing Moondance and Starwind to curse themselves for not providing him with a Gate.

"I told you we should have set the spell!" Moondance reproached his lifebonded.

Starwind simply shrugged. "Who knows what the results of that action would have been, ashke?" He helped Stefen dismount and led him inside the bounds of Voothrashayen. The Bard practically fell into Starwind's arms as the warmth spell hit him, relaxing his tight, shaking limbs.

Starwind chuckled. "Not so fast, young one. There will be plenty of time for that later," he said mysteriously.

Smiling, Moondance moved to support Stefen from the other side. "Indeed." They led him to the lower chamber of their ekele.

"Where is everyone?" Stefen asked, confused. They hadn't seen a soul since entering.

"Ah, well, this is the edge of the vale," Moondance replied. "And we didn't notify anyone of your arrival, save the Elders. We thought you might prefer it that way."

Nodding, Stefen replied. "Yes. But nobody?"
"Many more than normal are scouting. When we have a celebration, we like to make certain we will be undisturbed for a day or two." Starwind gestured at the bathing chamber, a small, natural hot spring within the ekele's lower chamber. "Here you are, young Stefen. We shall leave you to rest and recover."
Dazedly, Stefen looked around, marveling at the luxury. He had been here once before, but the exotic plants still dazzled him.
Moondance smiled. "Unless you require assistance undressing?"
Flushing, Stefen stood straighter and undid his cloak, letting it fall to the floor. "No, I think I can take it from here, thank you."

Moondance's smile only grew wider. "Certainly."

Over the two days before Brightstar's ceremony, the vale was in too much of a flurry to notice Stefen much, although he did meet a few of the groom's friends soaking in one of the communal pools. All of them were quite excited, claiming the bride was like a dyheli: swift, silent, and hard to catch.

"Ah!" one of them mimed, clutching his heart. "I had hoped to be the one to lay claim to her fleeting heart!"

"Indeed," another man replied, raising an eyebrow. "Or perhaps her leaping hindquarters?"

Stefen laughed along wit the others and eyed the speaker. He was a bit younger, with still-black hair, long and thick. His eyes were blue, sparkling with mischief and intelligence. Winking at Stefen, he continued,

"I believe, in fact, that Lightspear sought the first ride!"
Uproarious laughter followed, with Lightspear joining in good-naturedly.

"I'll get you for that, Springhawk."

Afterward, Springhawk waited to speak with Stefen. "We are all much curious about you, outland brother! Starwind warned us not to pry, but I must confess, I cannot help myself! You were with Wingbrother Vanyel, is it not so?"

Feeling a familiar wrench in his heart, Stefen nodded, offering no words.

"I do not mean to cause pain," Springhawk said, chagrined. "I only know what it is to love, and lose. Now, although it hurts, I enjoy speaking of my lost one, for it reminds me that his memory still lives in this world."

Stefen's heart gave a little leap at the "his"—So I still have my instincts, he thought, a bit smugly. He is shay'a'chern. Noticing Springhawk's slight smile and roaming eyes, he smiled a bit, inwardly. And attracted. But- I'm not ready.

"Yes," Stefen replied. "It can be healing."

He paused. "So what do you wish to know of Vanyel?"

They spent hours conversing about life and love, as Springhawk walked with him and showed him different parts of the vale, before finally heading back to Starwind's ekele.

"Thank you, Stefen," Springhawk said, smiling with a tinge of sorrow. "It was a pleasure to speak of our lost ones."

Stefen returned the smile and clasped the other man's hand. "No, thank you, Springhawk. I think I found some of the healing you spoke of."

Glancing down at their clasped hands, Springhawk let Stefen's go and bent to kiss him lightly on the mouth. "Til tomorrow, then."

With that he left, leaving a newly thoughtful Stefen behind him.

Moondance emerged from the ekele, grinning broadly. "Ah! I see you have met Springhawk. He is one of our finest scouts."

"He certainly manages to gather a lot of information," Stefen muttered.

Laughing, Moondance threw an arm around Stefen's shoulders. "Come, young one. Starwind wishes to dine with us."

Dinner with Starwind proved to be an interesting and educational discussion of reborn spirits, one that made Stefen most uneasy. The conversation went on for some time before Starwind brought up a subject of great personal interest.

"I assume you know that Vanyel lives on in spirit form," Starwind said carefully.

"Yes," Stefen replied. "I've seen him."

Raising his eyebrows, Starwind replied, "Indeed! He must have retained great power for such a thing to be possible." He paused. "I wonder if…"

"No," Moondance said sharply. "We will not try to see our lost friend, nor commune with him. He is gone from us for this lifetime, and that is a fact we must all accept until our own time comes."

His words reminded Stefen of Jisa's: fidelity to a ghost. Stefen sighed and looked at Moondance

"But it's hard to feel as if he's truly gone when I know he's there, somewhere, watching." He fidgeted with a piece of orange. "I feel as though he is alive in some sense."

Meeting his gaze, Moondance shook his head, "Young Stefen, you cannot treat Vanyel's ghost this way. You will not be able to live the rest of your many, many years in such a state."

A bit angrily, Stefen replied, "In what state? What do you know of how I live?" He paused. "I have not sat around mourning Vanyel's memory incessantly, mooning over my loss. I have been to Karse, I have been to all corners of Valdemar. I have been a friend to Jisa and to her newborn children—"

Starwind held up a hand. "Forgive us, Stefen. We know you have accomplished much. But it is as Vanyel accomplished much after Tylendel's death—you remain in hidden, constant mourning."

"And?" Stefen asked, defeated. "Would you not do the same?"

"I might," Starwind said, looking at Moondance with impossible love and affection. "But I know that I would likely seek some physical comfort. We are not made to endure as stone, hard and unyielding."

Silence hung in the air as Stefen pondered Starwind's words.

"Come," Moondance said abruptly, breaking the spell. He reached out a hand to Stefen. "I would show you that all that is comfort is not a bad thing, nor betrayal."

Stefen looked hesitatingly at Starwind, serenely composed as always, then down at his plate. I'm not sure about this.

Smiling, Moondance said, "Oh, come, young one. Trust, as Vanyel did."

Moondance led him up to a room with a plush bed. Stefen stood in the doorway, confused. Is this their bedchamber?

Turning to face Stefen, Moondance caught the Bard's face in both hands and kissed his lips. Stefen stepped back, feeling more flushed than ever.

Moondance simply smiled. "I am a Healer, Bard Stefen. You are sorely in need of Healing."
"But—Starwind—"

A voice spoke from behind Stefen. "I, too, believe in Healing." Stefen turned to face Starwind's beautiful, impassive face. Starwind reached down to undo the laces on Stefen's tunic and slowly remove it.

"This," he gestured to the Bard's bare torso, "is your link to the physical world, young one."

Placing a hand on Stefen's heart, he continued, "And this is what you have saved for Vanyel, what will only ever be his. Do you see?"

Breathing quickening as Moondance laid warm hands on his back, Stefen replied, "Yes. I see."

"Good," Starwind replied, smiling. "Then I leave you in the hands of this very capable Healer."

Moondance gently turned Stefen to face him and smiled. "Do not be afraid, ke'chara. We healed Vanyel in much the same way, many years ago."

Take what is offered, ashke, Stefen heard inside his head, that oh-so-familiar voice. Comfort, and love, of a sort.

Bending his head, Moondance touched his lips to Stefen's. The kiss deepened and Stefen relaxed into Moondance's gentle hands.

Slowly, Moondance drew the rest of Stefen's clothing from his body, continuing to shower him with gentle kisses and affection.

Oh Gods, Stefen thought, heartbeat quickening, It's been so long since anyone's touched me. This- feels- so good, it can't be wrong.

Drawing Stefen onto the bed, Moondance trailed kisses down his body, his long, silver hair shadowing his face.

Hesitatingly, Stefen touched a strand of it—so like Vanyel's. He felt a sharp pain of loss amidst the pleasure, causing Moondance to pause.

"Shh, ke'chara," he murmured, stroking Stefen's hair away from his face. "Let the memories be absent tonight."