MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT

All rights go to Stephenie Meyer ©

Name of chapter: La Carta de Amor

Rating: K

Summary: A love letter written by Mike ends up in the wrong hands. It just happens to be Mike's unfortunate luck that the 'hands' belong to none other than Mrs. Goff, who thinks the letter was meant for her.

-8-8-

If you must reread old love letters, better pick a room without mirrors.

-Mignon McLaughlin [The Second Neurotic's Notebook], 1966

-8-8-

Character Point of View: Mike Newton

Time: The next day

Setting: Boys' locker room

I was sitting on a bench in the boys' room, my towel slung over my shoulder. I was only wearing a vest and a pair of jeans, along with boxers. My t-shirt was stowed away safely. No one was within a one-mile radius around me. They were avoiding me. Great.

Jessica Stanley and her big fat mouth. It turned out that she had tattled to the whole school about my "fart" episode. At the mention of "fart", I started thinking of that time. I don't recall ever farting. It was only when I had sat down, that I realized that I had farted.

Something fishy was going on. Just then Tyler Crowley and his obnoxious bunch of friends passed me.

"Hey, farter!" Lee Stephens yelled at me. Tyler and his pals started hooting like a bunch of dim-witted crows.

Just then, Austin Marks plugged his nose. "Ooh, Newton's going to fart! This whole place's gonna blow up! Run, people –run for your lives!"

And people in the room actually believed him! Some fled the room, some pulled out cameras, some gathered around me. I glowered at them, and flipped the bird at them.

Tyler and his gang started laughing really loudly, when some people flipped back at me before they left in disgust.

"Way to go, Mike," he hollered.

-8-8-

I was walking in the hall when someone yelled at me. "Yo! What's up, man? I have a bag, in case you want to…let out a few farties."

Worse, the Cullens happened to be there. The short girl –Alice, and the big muscular guy, Emmett were grinning ear-to-ear. I stuck out my chin and walked on, my eyes never leaving their cheeky faces. I had some second thoughts about the black haired girl, but that blonde, Rosalie was mine. Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

Since my eyes didn't leave their faces, I crashed into someone and found myself on the floor. Great. How about I just lie there all day and have people tramp all over me?

"Don't you know who I am? I am Mike Newton! How dare you push me to the floor, punk?" I yelled at nobody in particular as I got up angrily. "Idiot!"

I turned around to see the culprit and froze. I had expected some cheeky younger student, most preferably Lee or Austin or Tyler. Instead, it was none other than Ms. Shallows, the school vice-principal, who looked calm and annoyed at the same time.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Newton?" She said mildly.

"No," I squeaked.

"Good," her face became stern. "Follow me, please."

She turned and disappeared amidst the crowd gathered around us. I hadn't even seen them appear. And I could swear I saw a flashy camera in Alice Cullen's hands. But when I looked at it, it disappeared so quickly, that I wondered if I was stoned out of my mind.

Ms. Shallows snapped her fingers. Her very short pixie hair cut which was close to white, made her look dangerous.

"Are you coming or not?" she barked.

I swallowed before following her.

-8-8-

Ms. Shallows sat at her table, me standing in front of her. We were in the vice-principal's office, and man, I hated it. The walls were a sickly, puke-worthy shade of yellow-green, and the windows were framed with cream-colored curtains. I wondered why she didn't do anything to make the room look more presentable.

"Sit," she commanded. I did so.

Just then, with a jolt, I realized that Ms. Shallows was also the school therapist. Oh, shit.

"So, Mr. Newton," Ms. Shallows started. Beads of sweat were forming on my forehead. "I have heard about you. They are not very good things. You were found covered in food in the cafeteria, you barged into Mrs. Goff's class in very unsuitable clothes. Is this true?"

"Yes," I mumbled miserably. I needed an excuse to get out of here.

"Mr. Jefferson will be waiting," I tried to speak in a steady voice. "I'll be late for class."

I made to get up, but Ms. Shallows pushed me down.

"Mr. Jefferson already knows where you are," she said. "I notified him about this...appointment just now."

"Mom won't-"I said, but Ms. Shallows silenced me.

"Your mother knows about it," she smirked. "In fact, she was the one who told me about you. She said that you needed help, and I am willing to help you. I was on my way to find you, when you bumped into me. You called me a punk and an idiot, right?"

"Am I right?" She demanded.

"I don't need help," I stated.

"Oh, yes –you do," she shot back.

And on that day, the first round of therapy began. Ms. Shallows continued to shoot questions after questions at me, even when my mouth was parched dry.

-8-8-

Character Point of View: Alice Cullen

Time: After therapy

Setting: Spanish class

By the time Mike had returned from therapy, he was looking like a wilted plant. Rosalie was in the front row, which unfortunately for her, was in front of Mike. Good grief. Just then I had a vision of him, writing on a scrap of note paper meant for Rosalie.

Holy Chanel, Prada and Gucci!

I could see each of the words on the letter in my vision. Good lord. Newton was a professional love-letter writer. Yeah, right.

I love you. Ever since I saw you that day in the hall, I fell in love with you. We were meant to be together. Dump the other guy, and please meet me at the gym after school hours...

What was he expecting -a rehearsal of High School Musical with Rose as Gabriella and him as Troy? No freaking way. This guy was totally crazy. I turned back to the silly love-letter in my vision.

We can do something together, and I have a totally awesome present for you. I love you very much, my dear. Your hair is so lovely and pretty, that I want to stroke it. Soon later, you will be my girlfriend, my fiancée, and then my wife. We would make a lovely couple.

Your future husband,

Mike Newton

How gentlemanly of him. Even Emmett or Jasper wouldn't do something as...stupid as this. I giggled, tore up a piece of notepaper and wrote about my vision. I balled it up and lobbed it at Rosalie's head, at such speed that no one saw me doing anything. Being a vampire rocks...except for the whole blood-sucking thing. Oh, well.

Looking unperturbed, Rosalie's hand shot up and caught the ball of paper. She opened it, and began to read. Slowly, a smile grew on her face, and she nodded at me. Edward snickered into his book, and I smiled.

I turned around and saw Jazz shoot a confused look at me. I winked at him, and gave him a 'wait-and-see' look. Still looking confused, he nodded and waited. I turned back to the class, and snuggled back into my seat. Might as well be comfortable and watch the show.

I saw my vision become reality in front of my eyes.

Mike threw the paper at Rose, when she bent down to 'pick up' her pen, which had fallen to the floor. The ball sailed right over Rose's golden head, and right onto Mrs. Goff's desk. The teacher turned around, clearly annoyed and saw the ball of paper on the table.

"Hmm," she said, and frowned as she opened the letter. "Looks like we have something of a carta de amor on our hands here."

Her eyes widened as she read the letter, and a look of horror mixed with disgust crossed on her face. "Cristo Jesús."

"Mr. Newton!" she shrieked. "Is this true?"

Poor Mike. He opened his mouth and closed it repeatedly, like a goldfish, but nothing came out of his mouth.

"What is the meaning of this?" she asked sternly. "A love letter?"

The class started whispering eagerly to each other, no doubt about Mike and the love letter. A vision popped up in my mind, as Mrs. Goff made a decision. I shook my head. This wasn't going well.

"Meanwhile," the teacher said as she smirked. "I will have to read this letter out loud. After all, others also have a right to know what is going on. Right?"

The last word was directed at the class, who all nodded eagerly.

Satisfied, Mrs. Goff turned back to the letter, and started reading it aloud. As she reached the end, the class exploded into gales of laughter. The only people who didn't laugh were Emmett and Mike. Emmett had realized who the letter was really meant for, and his hands were balled up in fists. Mike was absolutely mortified, and I pitied Jasper for having to feel those emotions.

"Well, Mr. Newton," said Mrs. Goff. "You should know that I am about twenty-five years older than you. So, I am in no way eligible to be your 'love'. You should also know that I would never ever... 'dump' my husband, Jose. I cannot meet you at the gym because I don't want to. But it is very kind of you to describe my hair as 'so pretty that you want to stroke it'. But I am afraid, I don't want to be your...girlfriend, fiancée and wife. Please, don't mention that again."

Newton was totally red. I was suddenly struck with an idea.

"Jasper," I muttered in such a low voice that only my mate and siblings heard me. "Send lots of lust to Newton."

Jazz obeyed and I heard him laugh under his breath as he manipulated the feelings of the unsuspecting boy. Newton jerked and gave a little yelp as he felt the emotions. Jasper forced the emotions to be directed at Mrs. Goff. Just on cue, Newton stood up. Whoops. Jazz must have underestimated the amount of lust. I shot an alarmed look at Jazz, who winked at me.

"What?" I mouthed at him.

"Wait and see," he smiled breathtakingly.

Mike, now brazen and overconfident (thanks to Jazz), had stood up. He swaggered to Mrs. Goff, who looked up in alarm.

"Is anything wrong?" she said pleasantly, though you could see concern behind the politeness.

"Oh, nothing!" Mike looked at her and leaned forward, and placed a large sloppy kiss right on Mrs. Goff's cheek. The teacher pushed him off and stood up, anger in her eyes.

"What is wrong with you?" She screamed at him. "Did I not tell you that I DO NOT love you and I am already married!"

By now, Jazz had replaced the feelings of lust with embarrassment and confusion. Mike's cheeks were red now and he was looking confused. The children around me and my siblings were laughing and I could see moisture forming on some of the children's eyes.

Now it was time for our next stunt.