Author Note: Well, this is an attempt at a more lighthearted chapter. Hope you enjoy. I'm going to do a fighting chapter next time.
xxxx
Living World, Karakura Town, Kurosaki Clinic, January 13th, 8:45 pm
"Hmm, that's odd..." Rukia mumbled, half to herself, though any time she said something out loud, it was with the expectation that Ichigo would overhear and either respond or at least become more attentive to her. This time was no exception, though it was less an attentive glance and more an irritated one that he sent her way, from where he was seated at the desk in his room, studying up for the end of the week tests. You wouldn't know it by looking at him, or even by watching him around his friends, but Ichigo was an ace student only a little bit behind Uryu, and that mostly because unlike Uryu, he didn't have a horribly repressive father ready to flay him alive with cutting remarks should he fail to be anything but the absolute best at everything he did, except the stuff he actually wanted to be good at. Certainly, Ichigo's grades were head and shoulders better than Rukia's own, but then again, it wasn't like she was really putting an effort into it, except for the few classes she liked. School was just a cover story anyway, no need to stand out by excelling, as long as she wasn't failing.
"I said, hmm, that's ODD..." Rukia prompted again, when her boyfriend left off glaring at her and turned back to his schoolwork. She was proud of her restraint... not so long ago, she would have thrown something heavy at the back of his head for such a lapse in attention. Or worse, she'd have chucked Kon. Though the lion plushie that Kon wore as his normal body these days wasn't currently around, Yuzu seemed to have kidnapped "Bostov" again. Rukia almost felt sorry for the Mod Soul, but upon remembering all the crap Kon put the rest of them through, especially his perverted focus on her, pity died like a flower in a furnace. She hoped Yuzu stitched him up with another magical sailor scout uniform again.
Ichigo put his pencil down, perhaps a trifle harder than absolutely necessary, as he took a single deep breath to control his first impulsive reply... he was damned proud of his restraint, as not so long ago, he would have just blurted the first thing that came to mind out, and probably would have ended up with Rukia's footprint stamped into his face for his trouble. He loved her so much... god, did he ever... but holy shit, she could be ANNOYING sometimes! He knew she didn't care about her schoolwork, but since he wasn't a semi-immortal Soul, but rather a regular... well, no... but he was still a human being! A mortal, who lived in a world where surviving entailed more academic leaning than it did any amount of sword or spiritual energy aptitude! He needed to get this school nonsense right, so that he could eventually get into a good, respected college, and then he needed to excel there so he could find a cushy job by which to support himself... and Rukia too. He still wasn't exactly sure what it was that he wanted to do... despite growing up in a Clinic, or perhaps because of it, he had NO desire to be a doctor or medical professional of any sort, but he'd think of something!
Fortunately, as a byproduct of all the extreme training he had done on the Shinigami side of things, Ichigo knew that as long as he was willing to put his mind to something, in the interest of a good cause, there was pretty much nothing he couldn't do, and do well. The trick would be finding a job where frequently being out of his body on Shinigami business wouldn't cause undue trouble. Kon could cover for him sometimes, but he was very leery about leaving the Mod Soul in control of his body for any length of time unless absolutely necessary. The perverted bastard just got in too much trouble... he totally didn't need to come back from fighting a bunch of Hollows to find his ass in jail for sexual harassment or something. But getting back to matters at hand, Ichigo slowly turned a gimlet eyed gaze on Rukia, where she sat cross legged on his bed. He thought about mentioning that sitting in such a manner was unwise while wearing her grey school skirt, as he could totally see up it, but then again, why ruin a perfectly good peek? He wasn't such a goody two shoes that he couldn't indulge in a little bit of lechery now and then, in regards to his own girlfriend...
"What's odd? I'm kinda busy here, ya know?" Ichigo asked, trying to be brusque, but his ire had been derailed by that little lewd glance, and now that he was distracted from his schoolwork, he found himself unable to get back to it. Not, at least, until he had some fun with Rukia. Even the thought that Yuzu and his lunatic of a Father would no doubt be spying on them somehow was enough to deter his line of thought. Not anymore. If his little sister and dad were that fucking curious about his love life, then they could get an eyeful they'd never forget. That would at least get Yuzu to back off, though Karin would probably kick his ass later for "corrupting" Yuzu's sweet mind. Yeah, uh huh, like he'd never seen Jinta and Yuzu trading a cautious glance now and then... his sister was old enough that boys weren't necessarily icky anymore. Though that reminded him to make sure and lay down the law with that brash little punk... he'd seen how he got along with Ururu, and if he thought that kind of behavior was gonna fly with Yuzu, then Ichigo had a Getsuga Tensho with his name on it that he'd never forget!
"Nii-Sama hasn't replied to my daily report yet. He's never been late before..." Rukia pulled out her Spirit Phone, which connected with a similar communicator back in the Sereitei, by which she kept in constant contact with her superiors, both her brother and Captain Ukitake.
"So Byakuya's finally too freaking busy to be snooping around watching our every move and you're complaining about it? You MUST be psychotic... you sure you're not actually in the 11th and some kind of masochist?" Ichigo replied with a snort and a shake of his head. He was asking for it, he knew that, but then again, most times when they were alone together, Rukia him with something was just the prelude to much more enjoyable.
"Shut up." Rukia answered, knowing it was a lame retort, but she still wasn't very good at joking about anything regarding her adopted brother. It pained her that he and Ichigo were still so antagonistic towards each other, though given how they'd first met, during her execution fiasco, she didn't suppose she could have hoped for much better than mutual antagonism. They were about as different as it was possible for two men to be, and the only thing they seemed to have in common was their attachment to her, and even that was a point of contention between them. Ichigo still hadn't forgiven her brother for not stepping in to defend her when she was slated to be executed, a betrayal of everything the term "brother" meant in Ichigo's eyes, and though Nii-Sama was acting a lot more "brotherly" in recent times, that bad first impression was still like an invisible wall between them. Of course, it hadn't helped that Nii-Sama had blatantly refused to explain his internal conflict regarding his promise to Hisana-sama and his promise to his deceased parents to Ichigo, but that was Nii-Sama for you. He hated admitting that he wasn't sure of his actions, for he saw that as weakness that he could not afford.
"I'm serious though." Ichigo added, turing around to sit backwards in his chair so he could look at her without craning his head. "Cut him a little slack. There's a hundred different reasons why he might not be able to reply today. It's nothing to freak out about. He's freaking Byakuya Kuchiki, right? Even I couldn't fully beat him, remember. I'm sure he's fine."
"Heh, yeah, you're right, I'm being a little stupid." Rukia acknowledged, her bangs falling forward across her eyes as she bowed her head in self admonishment. "He's a Captain after all, I could hardly expect him to be waiting on tenterhooks for my every communication."
"Now you're going too far the other way." Ichigo corrected her with a snort. "He might be a Captain, but he's also your older brother, and I can garauntee you that if he wasn't involved in something extremely important, you'd never have to wait on his replies. I bet he keeps that phone with him even when he goes to take a shit. I don't like him, and he's got a long way to go before I ever do, but he does care for you, I can't deny that."
"Eww, I so didn't need that image." Rukia wrinkled her nose at him, brushing her hair out of her eyes thankfully, glad that Ichigo wouldn't let her stew in her self recriminations.
"He'd walk through Hell itself for you. Admittedly, not as quickly as I would, since he'd have to find some excuse to look cool and aloof beforehand, but he'd be there eventually..." Ichigo smirked at the thought.
"Yeah, like you've never indulged in a little grandstanding when you come to save the day at the eleventh hour. Honestly, I don't know what it is about male Shinigami and their compulsive need to show up in the very nick of time with a huge pyrotechnic light show. Are you ALL that insecure about your power? You never see Matsumoto do that... or Hinamori... or Captain Soi Fon... or especially me!" Rukia teased him.
"Uh huh, and the reason for that is?" Ichigo's smirk grew. "Because you're always the helpless damsel in distress. Of couse you can't look cool like we do, its not part of your job description."
"Oh... Really...?" Rukia retorted, her eyes flat, one eyebrow twitching in time with her finger muscles as she obviously considered strangling him then and there. "And what IS my job description then?"
"You're the one that's supposed to get all teary eyed and clingy while I carry you off into the sunset for some sweet, sweet love..."
"I'll show you teary eyed, you chauvanistic bastard! Come're, I'm gonna make you cry like a baby before I'm done with you!"
"If that's what turns you on, Rukia...OWWW! MY FUCKING EAR! YOU HIT ME IN THE EAR, DAMN IT!"
"Good. Maybe if it swells up a few sizes, you'll actually have enough surface area to hear what I'm saying before I decide to kick your carrot-topped ass..."
xxxx
Soul Society, Sereitei, 5th Division Compound, Officer's Quarters Garden, January 14th, 8:25 am
"I must compliment you, Captain Ukitake, on the beauty and serenity of your city. It has been many, many years since I last felt so completely at peace. This garden is simply delightful." Lacus commented, in Japanese, as she sat on the low wooden porch that edged almost all of the buildings she'd seen so far, protected from the chill wood by a thin but durable and comfortable cushion as she looked out in the immaculate garden aea, with its lovingly tended trees, pond, flower beds and rock gardens. The aura of the place was deeply meditative and comforting, and it took real effort to open her eyes again to glance aside at her companion. He was a regal sort himself, especially with his striking pale hair, worn long like a woman, but then again, she had seen many of the men here wearing their hair in what would inarguably be considered a feminine style back home. He was also unfailingly polite, kind hearted and considerate, and Lacus found herself quite liking the man.
She suspected that this was the whole point of why he'd been assigned as her liason, his ability to put others at ease was extraordinary, and she felt like she could chat with him for hours about nothing in particular and still be perfectly entertained. He presented as a younger man, or at least young at heart, though Lacus wouldn't have been surprised to learn that he was as much as half her temporal age, and a good twice her physical age. His aura of noble frality, accentuated by his frequent coughing fits, even further helped a suspicious and wary person feel at ease with him, as it was obvious that he was not in the best of health and thus less of a physical threat, at least on the surface. Yes, he played these games well, Captain Ukitake did, and Lacus found herself unexpectedly enjoying their verbal sparring as they both tried to probe the other for extra information.
"Please, if its just the two of us, you should call me Joushiro, Princess. That is what my friends call me, and I would very much like for us to be friends." Ukitake replied, speaking english, if not quite as fluently as Vice-Captain Sasukabe did, still well enough to communicate with those Crusaders that spoke and understood it. It had been a long night of cram-learning, faintly reminiscent of long ago times when he and Shunsui had studied for tests at the last moment at Genryusai-sama's freshly established Shinigami Academy, but if anything he felt invigorated by his efforts rather than exhausted. His english wasn't as good as her Japanese, but at least he didn't feel like he was entirely at a disadvantage when speaking with her.
"Then let us be friends, Joushiro. But my friends call me Lacus, not Princess, at least when its just the two of us. I don't like being addressed by my title any more than you do. It's such a stifling formality. It puts people at an artificial distance, and I don't think either of us can afford to be distant with the other right now." Lacus answered with a slight smile of understatement. She reached down and took a sip of the cup of green tea that Joushiro had gracefully and helpfully prepared for her. It was nothing at all like the black teas she was used to having on occasion back home, but the almost scalding warmth was just the thing needed to keep a person warm on a chill winter's morning like this one. Snow was gathering in the air, the crisp scent rendolent on the breeze, and Lacus had no doubt that she would wake the next day to a crystal coated garden of wondrous white. She was looking forward to that.
"Definitely the truth. Though if I might be permitted to say so, being distant from you would certainly be a punishment. You look stunning in that kimono. How did you figure out how to wear it so perfectly, and from where did you acquire it?" Joushiro asked, eyeing the crimson and gold and blue feminine cut robe that the Princess was wearing, if not entirely comfortably, then at least with aplomb and dignity. She was assimiliating their entire culture with shocking rapidity, he had no doubt that in a week's time you'd hardly be able to tell she hadn't lived in the Soul Society her entire life, save for her exotic looks. Well, he wasn't about to let her be the only one who could adapt to strange customs quickly, and he made a mental note to look up his tailor and get some Crusader style clothing made for him. Come to think of it, given how they wore their armor at almost all times, perhaps he should dust off some of the ceremonial armor kept in his family's vaults, and wear that. It could be quite instructional.
"I have very capable maids and a seamstress who I suspect to be a goddess of some sort slumming in the lower realms." Lacus replied with a pleased smile, determined to work on her Japanese whenever possible, having already recieved gushing praise on her appearance both from her servants and from Alyster, but it was nice to get an unbiased opinion from someone who ought to know whether she looked good in it or not. The robes were a little drafty, and if anything even more confining at the legs than the sheerest of court dresses she wore back home, but the freedom to not wear a corset or long stockings was such a relief that she hadly minded having to take small, careful steps when moving. Indeed, with only a light cotten shift on beneath the kimono, Lacus felt almost deliciously liberated, compared to the layers of undergarments she wore under her normal clothing, sometimes as much as an inch's thickness of cloth over most of her body! She could certainly get used to wearing such things when she didn't have to be in the public view.
"Well, they are to be congratulated then. I have rarely seen such a fine kimono outside the Kuchiki or Shihoin estates." Joushiro smiled as her own smile broadened, all the more so because the compliment was heartfelt, and not simply flattery.
"Kuchiki? You mean like that stiff necked young man with the scarf that sat at your side during the meeting yesterday. He seemed a little... dry to me. I suppose it all makes sense now, if he is a membe of a Noble clan." Lacus asked, looking to expand her knowledge base.
"Yes, the Kuchiki's are perhaps the most prestigious of the four great Noble Houses of the Soul Society, as it is their sworn duty to be our historians, record keepers and the keepers of our codes of law. Byakuya Kuchiki, the man you saw, is the current head of the family, as well as the Captain of the 6th Division, a post that is hereditary to the Kuchiki family. He can be a little... dry, to use your word... but Captain Kuchiki is held in great esteem by all who know him." Joushiro explained.
"Being groomed for greater things, is he? Yes, I can see that. Once he learns to loosen up a little, he will truly be a formidable man. And at such a young age too... he can't be much more than four hundred..." Lacus mused, abandoning Japanese for the time being, wanting to be more sure of her question phrasing while on interesting topics. She took another sip of tea contemplatively.
"Is that the same situation for Duke Fane, if I might be so bold as to ask?" Joushiro wondered, carefully watching the Princess's facial features for signs of reluctance or dismay. He didn't want to broach any sensitive topics so soon, and certainly not while they were enjoying a peaceful morning. "He is such a young man, but he seems to bear such heavy burdens. Is he being tested for some greater responsibility in the future? Or is his burden self assumed, so that he might prove himself worthy of some other honor...?" Joushiro cocked an eyebrow quizzically, having already noted that Duke Fane had spent the night not in his own quarters, but rather those of the Princess. Far be it from him to judge the private lives of others, he just wished to know if there might be something to keep in mind there.
If he was worried about offending his guest, he needn't have worried, for Lacus broke out in a brief flurry of chuckles as she wiped politely at her lips with one sleeve of her kimono. "Oh, that was well and delicately put, Joushiro. Touche, touche I say! Yes, Alyster and I are a couple, you have that right, and yes, many others do not approve of our relationship, most especially my family and my father. Unfortunately, there is no act of heroism or chivalry, no possible foe he could surmount, that would make Alyster a suitable match for me in my father's eyes. He would merely lecture me upon the sheer biological impossibilities of it all, as if I was somehow not aware that Alyster's lifespan is much shorter than my own. To me that means that I should love him all the more dearly now, while I can, rather than merely retreat and never love anyone but my own family. I've allowed myself to lose him before, but I won't let him be taken from my side again. No amount of familial displeasure or scandalous whispering is too much to endure for the sake of someone who loves me for the person I am, rather than the position I hold."
"You've lost him before?" Joushiro asked, not quite sure he'd heard or translated that right. It sounded like she'd meant he had been killed before, yet obviously that was not possible, was it? He'd heard that one of Ichigo's friends, Orihime-sama, had the power to reject reality and even bring back the dead, but he'd never seen it in action, and he doubted that such a power could exist in more than one person at a time, it would simply be too disruptive to the Great Cycle.
For a long time it looked like Lacus wasn't going to reply to his query, and Joushiro feared that he had perhaps overstepped the bounds, even for a friend, but just as he was about to muster a topic change, she spoke once more. "Do you believe in reincarnation, Joushiro?"
"Well, yes, all Souls are reincarnated when they die, its part of the Great Cycle of life..."
"And do you believe that a Soul's connection or bond with another Soul can survive the cleansing process of reincarnation? Have you ever met anyone that seems so achingly familiar to you that you must have known them in some past life?"
"I can't say that I have, but I wouldn't entirely discount the possibility. I have seen stranger things happen." Joushiro answered carefully, well aware that he was treading on thin ice over a very dangerous and personal topic.
"I first met Alyster 1300 years ago, when I was but a girl. I was much more openly precocious in those days, and I had run away from home and my tutors, little realizing what a stir my absence would cause. I was wandering through a forest, quite vulnerable and alone, before bumping into him. His name was Lyster in that incarnation, and he was barely as physically old as I was, yet he was living on his own in the middle of the forest with only occasional contact with other orphaned children. He was not endowed with great spiritual energy, but as for heart, he had more than anyone else I'd ever met. He was the first truly free and unburdened Soul I had ever encountered, and he taught me so much about my own deepest desires that I felt like I was a butterfly finally emerging from a cocoon. I'd never had so much fun as I did with him, trooping through the forest, singing made up songs and playing silly games with absolutely no point whatsoever. For the first time, I felt like a person, not a Princess. But then my father's guards found us, and somehow gained the impression that Lyster was trying to kidnap me, despite the fact that he was only a child himself. I screamed for them to stop, but it was already too late, their arrows already loosed, Lyster's life already pouring out onto the dirt. That was the first time I lost him, and it felt like I'd lost myself at the same time..." Lacus explained, her eyes cast down and away, fingers playing with the cuffs of her sleeves as she related her tale.
"I'm so sorry. No child should have to witness such a thing, especially with a friend..." Joushiro carefully reached out and touched Lacus on one shoulder comfortingly. She seemed a bit stunned at the gesture, but when he went to remove his hand, she grabbed it and squeezed for a moment.
"Thank you, Joushiro. Your sympathy means a lot to me. Though if you would forbear speaking of this to others, I would appreciate it... its..."
"Speak of what exactly, Lacus?" Joushiro smiled easily, glad to see that she could respond in kind. He searched for another topic, having no further wish to intrude on her private life, and one was fortunate enough to walk into sight at just that moment. "I must say, I have never seen such creatures as your Sacred Goats before. They are quite striking animals. I see why you hold them in such reverence, they have quite a mysterious aura to them." Joushiro said, nodding his head as one of Duke Elkiran's herd wandered into the garden, its coat of fur a burnt orange color with tips of silvery green, curling horns of darkest black rising from its head as it sheepishly regarded the two seated Souls through purple eyes with cross shaped pupils of white. The bell at its throat jangled as it stepped down off the porch terrace and into the grass, and began unobtrusively browsing at the grass, carefully avoiding flowers and other decorative bushes. "And so well behaved and clean too... truly magnificent beasts!"
"Sacred Goats?" Lacus asked in mild confusion, her mind still in the past with Lyster and Allance and the other incarnations of Alyster that she hadn't been able to save or treasure for as long as she wished. She blinked and stared at the eye watering quadruped that was placidly chewing his cud a few dozen feet away, her eyes narrowing as she clenched one hand inside the cover of her voluminous sleeve. Damn you Mal, not this AGAIN! How many times are you going to pull this stunt? Do you really want a conflict with these people so bad that you're willing to resort to such measures to spy upon them? Did you learn nothing from the last time you put the Fey through this charade? Do you not remember Locke getting spitted and roasted by those tribals? How are you going to explain THAT to his family when we return home? I see another lecture is in order and no more Ms. Nice Princess either! "Oh... THOSE Sacred Goats, yes, yes they are magnificent creatures. Very obedient to their master. Sometimes too much so..." Lacus added aloud, skewering the Fey, Bade, with her gaze, causing him to quail and flinch away.
"Truly? They seemed rather unruly to me. They kept trying to run away from Duke Elkiran when he asked me for help in finding stabling for them..." Joushiro commented, plucking a few strands of grass from the turf at his feet and holding them out in his hand, beckoning the technicolored goat forward with a smile. The creature seemed excessively nervous for some reason, but eventually he was able to coax it forward to take the grass from his fingers, which it did with utmost care, barely even brushing his fingertips with its leathery lips. "Though this one seems exceptionally polite now."
"Yes, well, they tend to be on their best behavior around me." Lacus replied, her voice cool as she too shifted forward, moving a little awkwardly, not so much because of the kimono, but because of the yards and yards of crimson hair that fell unbound from her head. She reached out and patted Bade on the head, the movement sweet, the intent behind it anything but. She did NOT appreciate being checked up on in this fashion. "I apologize for the inconvenience, but they are drawn to me sometimes, and they can be difficult to dismiss. Well behaved or not, they are always obstinate creatures."
"It's no problem at all. I just hope all the other Divisions take the Captain-General's announcement regarding them to heart. In accordance with Duke Elkiran's advice, they have been given free reign to travel throughout the Sereitei, and they aren't to be molested or bothered by any Shinigami. The last thing we wish to do is insult your religious customs by harming your Sacred Goats." Joushiro answered with a smile.
"Yes... our religious customs." Lacus hedged, damning the Duke of Shadows for putting her in this position, where she had to lie to her new friend in order to prevent a greater incident from occuring. Her hand tightened reflexively on one of Bade's horns, her thumbnail digging through the hard outer enamel of the bony protrusion and digging into the soft, nerve rich under layers. The reaction was instantaneous and extreme, Bade's entire body going as stiff as a steel pole as pain like a dozen thunderbolts striking his head all at once ripped through him. He toppled over in a heap, drool dribbling from his mouth, beel jangling as his body and limbs twitched and spasmed as he fought to maintain the concentration required not to revert to humanoid form. "Oh dear, did that hurt? I'm so sorry, Bade, but perhaps next time you'll remember that though Mal commands you, I command Mal, and I don't appreciate being spied upon. Now leave us alone, or I'll give you more than a painful squeeze."
"Is he okay? What happened?" Joushiro exclaimed, stunned at the goat suddenly keeling over like it had suffered a seizure. Was it the grass? Was the food here poisonous to them somehow? This could be a...
"He's fine." Lacus assured him, as Bade weakly struggled back to all four feet and hurriedly trotted away, making a beeline for the path leading out of the garden. She brushed her hair back irritably, damning its inconvenient length as well, for the millionth time, or so it felt. "They just get a little overexicted sometimes, and they faint. Our own fault, we keep them too close, don't let them live as freely as we should, and they have lost some of their innate survival capabilities because of it. Don't worry about the goats, Joushiro. I'm sure your people will treat them with all the respect they deserve..."
xxxx
10th Division Offices, same time
"Matsumoto! What... the... Hell... is... that... THING!" Captain Hitsugaya demanded, biting off each word as he struggled against the urge to draw his sword and freeze every other living creature in his office into an ice sculpture. Given that it was only Rangiku and the THING in question, he figured it would be no big loss. Then again, given how Momo was chuckling behind him, he might have to freeze her too, if he wanted any peace and that would definitely be a loss. Too much of a loss to bear. So he gritted his teeth and crossed his ams across his chest and leveled his best "I'm three seconds and half a reason shy of exploding with the force of a thousand horrible deaths, so shape up or ELSE" glare. Unfortunately, he'd been leveling such glares at Matsumoto for pretty much their entire professional relationship, and she seemed to have become selectively blind to them.
"It's a goat, sir. Surely you've seen one before." Rangiku pointed out lazily, taking another sip from her cup of sake as she lay sprawled out on the office couch, her bust all but popping free of her uniform, her jug of sake propped on the floor within easy reach, her newest and perhaps best drinking buddy seated across from her, nose down in a large bowl full of sake.
"Yes, I do know a goat when I see one, Lieutenant, and in fact, unless I am much mistaken, that is actually one of the Crusader's Sacred Goats! Whom you are almost certainly POISONING by feeding it sake!" Hitsugaya hissed, feeling veins throbbing on his forehead. "But, but, perhaps I did make a mistake and have asked you the wrong question. I did not meant WHAT is that thing, because as we both agree, it is a goat, if an oddly colored one, but rather I was asking as to WHY THE HELL THERE IS A GOAT IN MY OFFICE?"
"Well, I was feeling a bit thirsty from doing all that paperwork..." Rangiku waved nonchalantly at her desk, which was flooded with paperwork forms, 99.9 percent of which were unfilled out, and more specifically, at the two logistical request sheets she had in fact filled out, one requesting another shipment of sake for the "officer's mess" and another putting in for a new load of plus sized uniforms, since hers were all getting a bit ratty lately. "So I went to get a drink, and found my buddy here wandering around the courtyard, obviously lost and nearly as thirsty I was. Can we keep her, sir? Can we? I never thought I'd actually encounter someone... or something in this case... that can actually match me shot for shot with sake. Not only that, but she can do tricks too! Here, watch... shake, goat-chan, shake!" Rangiku declared excitedly, reaching out one hand in a handshaking gesture, which the goat met with an upraised forehoof, just like a trained dog or cat might.
"NO! We cannot keep it as a pet. Did you not hear me when I mentioned it was a Sacred Goat, one of the very ones described by Captain-General Yamamoto's Hell Butterfly message this morning, only an hour or two ago? It belongs to those foreigners, its apparently some sort of religious thing, and you KNOW how touchy people can be over religious matters. Gods help us all if they find out you took one of their goats and are hiding it in my office and feeding it alcohol!" Though Hitsugaya did have to admit that the animal did not seem any the worse for the wear for having imbibed an unknown but certainly extreme quantity of sake, if it really had been keeping up with his Lieutenant, something which even Captain Zaraki couldn't always do successfully! Sighing heavily, he stepped into his office, Momo following close behind, deepening his scowl as Matsumoto gave him a cheerfully lewd wink, as she always did when he and Momo arrived together.
"Aww, but it's so cute, Shiro-chan..." Momo protested, immediately backing up Rangiku, not that he should have expected anything else. Momo crouched down beside the seated goat, cooing at it as she scratched its ears, running her hands through its striking coat of white with blue streaks, rubbing its violet colored horns. The orange star pupils in the black eyes were a little disturbing, but that was probably just because she wasn't used to it. "She matches your coloration so well too, Shiro-chan. We could make her our mascot."
"Yes, that's JUST what I need, another female cluttering up my office and preventing me from getting any real work done." Hitsugaya muttered grumpily, his grouchiness not helped by both Rangiku and Momo breaking out into chuckles at his irritation. He just couldn't win against them! The goat's bell jangled as she got to her feet and paced regally over to his desk, while Hitsugaya did his best to ignore the creature, taking down a stack of paperwork from the ever growing mountain that seemed to reside in his inbox now that he was doing most of the 5th's administration as well, and preparing to buckle down to another long day of filling out reports and countersigning forms. However, he couldn't ignore it when the goat put her head in his lap and looked up at him soulfully, rubbing her horns against his forearm in an obvious gesture of cuddling.
"Aww, she's so friendly, Shiro-chan. She just wants to be loved..." Momo was all but starry eyed herself as she watched the goat nuzzle her boyfriend.
"Damn it..." Toushiro grumbled, finally putting down his pen and grudgingly patting the nuzzling goat on the head a few times. "Yes, yes, good goat. I do see you, but I'm busy right now. Go back to Matsumoto and Momo. I'm sure they're dying to coddle you. Now leave me alone or..." Toushiro was still completing his sentence when the sacred goat darted her head up out of his lap, leathery lips scraping across his desk as she snagged his current piece of paperwork off his desk and promptly chewed and swallowed it before he could do anything but stare in shock, before his entire face turned ruddy with rage. "WHAT THE FUCK? IT ATE MY FUCKING PAPERWORK! BAD GOAT, BAD FUCKING GOAT!"
"Now, Shiro-chan, you shouldn't curse like that, its not polite!" Momo admonished him, in between gales of giggles.
"Yeah, normal little boys that swear like that get their mouth's washed out with soap, Captain." Rangiku added, clutching her sides, her eyes shining with glee. Not only did the goat drink sake in copious volumes, but she also ate paperwork? What more perfect being could ever exist?
"COULD YOU TWO DO SOMETHING TO HELP ME BEFORE IT DEVOURS MY ENTIRE WORKLOAD?" Hitsugaya screamed at them, getting redder and redder as he all but wrestled with the goat as she attempted to climb onto his desk, apparently enjoying the taste of his valuable and painstaking labor, and only ended up knocking his merticulously piled stacks of paperwork all over the floor, completed papers mixing with uncompleted papers in a horrid mess that would take HOURS to sort out! That was assuming of course he could stop this maniacal animal from eating it all up like it was candy corn! And that wasn't as easy as it might seem! Not only was he forbidden from causing any harm to the animal, but she possessed a not inconsiderable amount of spirit energy, and seeming experience with hand to hoof combat with people intent on subduing her! He pinned the marauding beast to the office floor for a moment, before having to jerk backwards hastily to avoid having an eye taken out by her bucking, horn tipped head, allowing her to wriggle free like a greased eel, kicking him solidly in the gut with both hind hooves in the process, dropping to his knees, gasping for breath and clutching his stomach with goggling eyes.
Seeing her boyfriend almost lose an eye to the goat dampened Momo's humor somewhat, and she began muttering the chant to a bakudo under her breath, determined to wrap the stuggling goat up in chains before she got hurt or hurt someone in turn. Unfortunately, that was pretty much when the goat got free of Toushiro's grip, and came barreling forward, hooves skidding on the paperwork covered floor, as she barely managed to avoid headbutting Momo right in the chest, instead striking side on and bowling the short Shinigami over in a heap, Kidou going messily awry, casting dozens of threadlike golden spirit chains like cobwebs across the room, which tightened and then closed around Matsumoto as she lay in hysterics on the couch, cutting off her giggles as she was tied inextricaby to the couch in a messy tangle of overlapping threads, like a fly in a spider's web.
Rolling over the prone and breathless Momo with surprising grace, the white furred goat pounced to her hooves and swiped her head at the floor several times with blurring speed, impaling several sheets of paperwork on her horns and grabbing more in her lips, before bounding forward, leaping entirely over a charging Toushiro with unexpected agility, and all but flew out the office window and into the division grounds with a mocking jangle of her bell, leaving the office... and one VERY pissed off Captain... in total disarray behind her. Could she have smirked with her mouth full of papers, Flaya would have definitely done so. As she'd told Lord Elkiran, this was going to be an easy job...
"SOMEONE CATCH THAT GOAT!"
xxxx
12th Division Compound
This was NOT an easy job, the Fey known as Roya thought to herself, her red and blue furred sides heaving as she panted for breath, having bought a precious moment of respite from her pursuers with her last few shift-steps. The only problem being that those shift steps had brought her further away from her ultimate goal, the outer perimeter wall of this divisional compound, and her pursuers were constantly growing in number, egged on by the maniacal orders of the divisonal leader, the clown faced man with blue hair. She'd already seen far more here in the 12th division compound than she ever wanted to see again, and though she could not understand a single word any of these shinigami were saying, judging by the layout of this compound, should she be captured, it would not be an enjoyable experience for her. Dissection might be the least of her problems! Clearly these people had not recieved the "do not harm the goats" message Lord Elkiran had tricked the Shinigami into disseminating to their troops. That or they just didn't care.
Avoiding the rank and file sorts, the ones carrying the nets and the ropes and the needles full of questionable looking fluids wasn't what was taxing her abilities. They were numerous but they were not especially physically capable in most cases, clearly this was not a division that often spent much time on the front lines of conflict. Still, they were on their home ground, and they were endelessly enthusiastic in their pursuit, obviously itching to get her strapped down to a table and at their mercy. Fat chance of that ever happening... Roya would gladly bite her own tongue off and die in goat form before she allowed herself to be humiliated with captivity. Not again. Not after all those times she'd suffered under Imperial captivity and torment in the past, before the Fey race was according Master Elkiiran's protection. However, while she had plenty of experience in avoiding large, angry and persistent mobs of lesser skilled people, the one female Shinigami in the short skirt with the revolving drill arm was an entirely different barrel of fish. She was fast, agile and hideously strong. The last and only time Roya had let the maniac get a grip of her hide, she'd had to tear loose a fistful of hair in order to get free!
Incanting a Curse while in goat form was extremely difficult, and even harder to do quietly, so that she would not alert her pursuers to the fact that she was even more special than they dared dream, but Roya was more skilled with her racial magic than most anyone save the pack alpha, Dain Lebora himself. People always assumed that the Fey would regard their social groupings as "herds" and their leaders as "Rams", because of their goat like features and transformative capabilities, but that was far from the truth. The Fey were anything but herbivores after all, and they generally despised their animal forms, which were not a choice but rather a legacy of their long dead Daemonic forebearer. Goats they might appear, but they were wolves in sheep's skin, living and fighting in packs with very close knit social ties between them. Bleating and grumbling her incantation, Roya suddenly found herself face to face with Vice-Captain Kurotsuchi and all but backed into a corner to boot. "... and drrown my foi en yourr sen; Currsi 33, Pistelinci..." Roya finished under her breath.
"Mayuri-sama, I have cornered the animal in question." Nemu reported in her usual toneless fashion, wondering briefly what those gutteral noises the creature was making were about. "I am proceeding to recover it intact, as ordered. I..." Nemu swayed, suddenly feeling light headed and dizzy, conditions which were not unfamiliar to her... she did double as a testing subject for many of Mayuri'sama's newest drugs and concoctions after all, but she wasn't aware of any ongoing tests. She staggered and went down to one knee, one hand going to her brow, finding herself to be sweating and burning up with a sudden fever. She had felt the goat's spirit energy surging a moment ago, but surely a mere animal could not be responsible for her sudden onslaught of sickness? And what sort of sickness was this anyway? She watched with clinical detachment as angry, reddish boils filled with pus began sprouting on her arms and legs, her breath rattling in her lungs as phlegm dribbled down her throat, and she had to brace herself on all fours as she retched and heaved, emptying her latest undigested meal onto the paving stones.
Nemu was peripherally aware of the red and blue furred goat-creature fleeing and disappearing in short order, but she was feeling too ill to do much of anything about it. Collapsing onto her side, wheezing and coughing thickly, Nemu managed to activate her communication device once more. "I'm sorry... Mayuri-Sama... the target has... escaped me. I appear to... be infected with some... sort of fast acting disease or contagion. I apologize, Mayuri-Sama, but... but I cannot continue pursuit in this state..."
"You are utterly useless, as usual, Nemu." The irritated voice of her father, creator and master came back to her, not through her communicator but to her ears directly, as he flash stepped into the room she was lying in, his usual casual sneer of disdain write large across his masked and painted face. His ire was softened somewhat when he beheld the condition of his lieutenant and daughter... not because she was obviously suffering greatly from her affliction, but because he'd never SEEN such an affliction before. An entirely new form of disease? Was it microbial? Viral? Parasitical? So many possibilities! "I see. How curious. Red buboes, constrained breathing, extreme fever and nausea... how intriuging. How did the goat infect you, Nemu?"
"I do not know... Mayuri-sama... one moment I was fine... the next..."
"Really? Even more intriuging. Could it perhaps be a kidou like ability? A natural magical defense response?" Mayuri rubbed his hands together with glee, before remembering that the goat itself was still missing. "Damn your failures, Nemu, you let the goat get away!" He snarled at her, drawing his foot back to strike her for her inadequacy before reconsidering. Normally Nemu was supposed to be inoculated against all forms of poisons and diseases, as was he himself of course. But if this was something new, even if it might not be normally contagious, since she and he shared the same genetic structure, he might become contaminated if he touched her directly without proper quarantine procedures. And while he did not doubt his ability to fight off and cure any afflictions, it would be inconvenient to have to lock himself into his labs for the hour or so it would take to investigate and defeat this new disease. "Tch. You just keep getting more and more inconvenient, don't you?" He snarled, before a new idea occured to him.
"Well, perhaps not. Perhaps not. Now let me go call 4th Division. I wonder if that bitch of a Captain will be able to treat your condition personally... oh, what I would give to see her all feverish and covered in boils!" Mayuri chuckled vindictively at the thought. Cure his posions with ease, would she? It was not to be borne!
"Captain! Captain Kurotsuchi! We FOUND the goat! We found the... MY EYES! OH MY GOD MY EYES! I'M BLIND... I'M BLIIINNNND!"
"Most intriuging indeed..."
xxxx
Second Division Compound
Closing her eyes, Soi Fon focused her consciousness into a meditative state as she went about her morning warm up exercises, starting out with slow and broad motions, punches, kicks, blocks and sweeps, before moving faster, putting in jumps, flips, rolls and ripostes as she shadow boxed her way around her personal dojo floor, mentally replaying her last battle with Yourichi-sama, which had at that time ended in a loss for Soi Fon. Now, after years of practice and further growth on her part, she was defeating her imaginary Yourichi a good seven times out of ten, though there was no telling for sure whether this meant she'd actually gained on her former mentor or not, as she still had yet to see the full extent of Yourichi-sama's true strength. The shock of seeing her ultimate super-secret attack form, Shunko, be completely old hat to her mentor during their fight had been the second greatest shock of Soi Fon's life, with the first being of course the day Yourichi-sama had disappeared on her without any explanation whatsoever, a century prior.
Warmups completed, Soi Fon reached for the hilt of Suzumebachi to practice some forms with her Zanpakuto, but her relaxed concentration was broken by a sudden hubbub from the near distance outside her personal training area. The raised voices were bad enough, but when the voices were joined with the sounds of breaking furniture and falling objects, Soi Fon's extremely limited resevoir's of patience and tolerance were instantly exhausted. If this was another stupid performance by Omaeda, she was really going to skin him alive and nail his hide to the Divisional gateway! He might be only half the buffoon he appeared to be, but that was still half a buffoon too much in her eyes! Stalking out of her dojo, pausing only to straighten her hair and slip on her Captain's haori and the sleeves that came with it, which she of course removed prior to practice to avoid destroying it when she activated Shunko, as it would not do for her subordinates to see her even slightly disheveled, Soi Fon headed up the stairs that lead to her underground training chamber, her irritation growing with every stride as she listened to the growing chaos that seemed to be taking hold of her perfectly ordered division.
Whereas some Captains would have burst out into the common areas shouting and demanding to know what was going on, Soi Fon was not so obtuse. If she needed her subordinates to tell her what was going on, then she wasn't doing her job properly. She ghosted out into the main courtards of her divisional compound, keeping to the early morning shadows, several of her division members looking right past her, to her joint pride and dismay. More training was clearly in order, even with her obvious skill, she shouldn't be so easily able to remain hidden in near plain sight. A quick shunpo carried her to the source of the noise, as she alighted on the roof of an outbuilding and looked down into one of her divisional training grounds, one that bordered on the large wilderness preserve where her troops practiced their forest survival maneuvers. Because of the nature of their work, the 2nd Division training grounds were much more expansive and varied than most divisions had access to.
This one was currently host to several squads of her troops, all of whom were in an atrocious state of disarray and confusion that made Soi Fon grind her teeth in unamused anger. They looked like a bunch of chickens running around with their heads cut off. And when she finally caught sight of what they were stumbling about in pursuit of, Soi Fon made a mental note to actually behead the lot of them, to see if they could run around without heads, because they plainly weren't using the ones they had in any appreciable way! Her division, the vaunted Secret Remote Special Forces command, were in confounded pursuit of none other than a goat. An unusually agile and quick goat perhaps, but it was still just a goat. Beheading was too good for these slobs... it was time to get out the boiling oil and coffin's filled with flesh eating worms! The only saving grace about the situation was that it was happening on her divisional grounds... if members of other divisions had been witness to this travesty, she probably would have just decided to kill everyone in the Division and start over from scratch, that being the only good way to cleanse the shame...
Soi Fon flash stepped again, and appeared directly behind the whale like bulk of her Lieutenant, enough loose flesh on just his torso to build three of her. She contemplated drawing Suzumebachi and piercing his layer of blubber to see if he might deflate like a balloon, but managed, with a supreme effort of will, to choke down the impulse. Omaeda was directing the attempts to surround and bing down the black furred beast, alternately shouting furious commands and looking around with patent nervousness, obviously wondering when she was going to show up and what she would do if the situation wasn't under control by then. Of course he neglected to check in his own rain shadow, and Soi Fon took no small delight in the way he jumped when she cleared her throat slightly, more a dangerous purr than anything else.
"Would you care to explain what the Hell it is you're doing, Omaeda?" She asked, her voice buttery smooth as her lieutenant whirled to face her, his face uncommonly chalky in complexion.
"Well, Captain, you see that..."
"Not that it matters any." Soi Fon continued, as if he hadn't spoken. "Because I'm going to kill you, slowly, no matter what idiocy you try to spout off to excuse your pitiful and utter failure as a ninja. I always knew you were a slacker and a lout, Omaeda, that was never a mystery to me. But to be stymied by a goat, a farm animal? That is a new low, and one I hope to never see bettered! Killing you is not so much a punishment as it will be a mercy... the only mercy you'll ever get from me."
"N-N-Now, C-Captain, this is not what it looks like!" Omaeda protested, stuttering as was his habit for when he was scrambling for words.
"Really? So I am NOT watching thirty of my supposedly highly skilled and well trained Special Forces ninja running around in a disorganized mob while an idiot roars contradictory orders in the pursuit of capturing a barnyard animal? And UTTERLY FAILING TO DO SO! That's not what's going on? Okay, Omaeda, I'll humor you, this one time, because it will be the last time you get to spin me a story, because I'm going to slowly peel off your skin and bury you alive in a clay grave filled with scorpions as soon as you get done spinning your fable. So go on. Give me your best shot. Explain yourself. Maybe if you can make laugh hard enough, I'll just disembowel you and throw you off the roof instead." Soi Fon challenged, her tone icy and smug at the same time.
Unfortunately, Omaeda had an ace up his sleeve, as usual. "It's one of the Crusader's Sacred Goats." He explained, his voice losing its tremulous note as he came clean with his Captain, knowing that while she didn't always mean every bit of her threats, when she started offering a choice between two horrible deaths, she was just about at the end of her patience, and liable to actually try and carry through on her threats. And with Captain Soi Fon, there was no try, there was only do or do not. If she pulled her Zanpakuto on him, he was as good as dead, by the very laws of the Special Operations force, and she was already fingering Suzumebachi's hilt. "We found it wandering around the back gardens, headed towards your private quarters, and I decided that it would be best to capture it. For all we know, it could be carrying some sort of recording or monitoring device. The Captain-General has announced that harming these animals is forbidden, but locking it up won't hurt it. And I figured that since apparently that Duke of Shadows guy is their owner or is responsible for them, we might be able to use it as a hostage or something. I was gonna leave that part up to you, Captain."
Omaeda sighed and scrubbed the back of his head in unabashed ruefulness. "Unfortunately, capturing it hasn't been nearly as easy as I expected. For a barnyard animal, it has spiritual pressure on par with a Lieutenant, and cunning to match. I've already sent four ninja to 4th Division to get broken limbs and cracked skulls healed up, and we still haven't been able to lay a finger on the bastard thing." Omaeda gripped the hilt of his Zanpakuto grumpily, clearly wishing he could draw it and use it to slice or smash the offending creature into oblivion.
"Well, Omeada, maybe you do get to live after all. I never would have thought you the sort to think to procure me a hostage on your own initiative. Even if you did chose that hostage to be a goat and have as yet failed to procure it... your methods need a lot of polishing in this area... I can't fault you for the basic idea." Soi Fon replied, taking her hand off her Zanpakuto as she considered the possibilities. Having some leverage on the enemy Spymaster could be EXTREMELY useful, come to think of it, and though she hated to admit it, the thought of taking a goat, even a Sacred Goat, hostage to gain such leverage never would have occured to her. But if the goats were really that important to these Crusaders, no doubt they would trip over themselves to get one back if it was held under threat of some sort of unclean death. Of course, she'd have to take care to distance herself from the Gotei 13 in the meanwhile, so as to not cause trouble for the Captain-General and the other politicians, but she was well used to operating independently when the situation called for it.
She watched with narrowed eyes as one of her Special Forces soldiers got close to the black and crimson furred animal, only to go down with a howl of agony a second later as the goat whirled and mule kicked the man's left knee joint entirely backwards, the sharp crack of shattering bone echoing around the training grounds for a moment as the leg buckled and dropped the screaming man to the ground. Three other ninja sought to take advantage of the distraction their comrade's injury presented, just as she'd drilled into them for years and years, but by the time they arrived, the goat was already elsewhere, utiling something very much like a flash step to shift a hundred feet in the blink of an eye. Yes, this was no normal goat, and perhaps Omaeda wasn't quite as incomptent as she'd thought. Not that she would renege on her earlier opinions. She was still pissed as hell. Powers or not, this was still a goat, an animal, and capturing it should not be so hard for her division. She stared hard at the goat and then her hand flickered as she hurled a pair of throwing spikes at it, aiming for its front shoulders, aiming to cripple those limbs.
The goat ducked its head and batted away the throwing blades with a sweep of its dull crimson horns, its evasion abilities clearly not taxed by the effort. If she didn't know better, she might have thought the goat was smirking at her! "Baa... baaaa..." The goat bleated, and somehow, someway, Soi Fon knew it was mocking her. A tightening of her muscles and she was materializing behind the surprised goat, foot already drawn back for a spin kick that would punt it half a hundred yards in a single blow. However, the goat blurred into motion before the kick could land, and Soi Fon found herself forced to lean back and twirl to the side in order to avoid getting horn-hooked in the groin, the wickedly sharp points of the crimson horns looking more than capable of shredding skin and clothing with equal ease. She blocked the next head sweep with a chopping blow of her hand and thrust her other palm at the goat's nose, an instinctive reaction that would have crushed its skull in had it landed, had the beast not gurgled something in its throat and then retched a foul smelling goblet of phlegm directly into her face, which it stuck and clung like glue.
Soi Fon shunpo'd away as she clawed at the disgusting mess clinging to her face, all but trembling with rage at being caught off guard... the last thing she'd been expecting was the creature to utilize some form of kidou like magic on her! She was no longer quite so sure that this was simply a goat, as it took real intelligence to formulate and incant a spell. Then again, maybe she was overthinking this. An animal spitting phlegm as a defensive reaction wasn't exactly unheard of, many animals had a regurgitation reflex to startle predators. Finally managing to wipe the foul stuff off her face, though gluey strands continued to gum up her hair, Soi Fon looked up and found herself nose to hoof with the goat's right front leg as the animal reared in front of her and did it's best to mimic a warhorse. She dodged the blow, but it was a near run thing, and she felt the hoof actually graze her cheek for a moment, leaving a thin scratch behind. Backing off yet again, Soi Fon considered the problem. She couldn't go all out, or even close, because she needed to take it alive. And brawling with this creature was becoming both annoying and gross.
Rematerializing next to Omaeda, Soi Fon glared up at him, daring him to comment on the mess of phlegm still clinging to her bangs. Sadly, he had more sense than that, if not much more. "This was your idea in the first place, Vice-Captain, so I think I will graciously allow you to supervise this operation. I want that goat on my desk before lunch, or I'll have your head in its place. And if you literally put that beast on my desk, I'll make you clean it off with soap made from your hideous blubber, do you understand me?"
"Yes, Captain. We will capture the goat and have it ready for your inspection at lunchtime, or we will die trying." Omaeda promised quickly.
"Good. I'll be looking forward to lunch then. No matter what happens..." Soi Fon declared with a cruel smile as she disappeared again. Now she just had to fix her hair again, and maybe this day wouldn't be totally terrible...
xxxx
Kuchiki Family Estate
Though menial labor in all its forms was utterly beneath any true member of the Kuchiki clan, much less the head of the clan, gardening was the one exception that Byakuya allowed himself, on the excuse that it was more of an artistic pursuit than one of physical labor. It was a hobby he had picked up alongside Hisana, during her healthier years, and had maintained in the years since not only because it brought back pleasant memories of the better days of his life alongside his wife, but because he found he actually enjoyed it, enjoyed the precision of coaxing growth from his plants in the manner of his choosing, of creating order from the chaos of nature. Even in watching his flowers die and shed their petals in the autumn winds he found deeply meaningful, even instructional thoughts, and he had modeled several attack forms of Senbonzakura off the swirls of petals borne upon autumn winds as they escaped from his gardens.
Of course the Kuchiki family had an entire squad of professional gardners and groundskeepers who were devoted to maintaining and upkeeping the wider estate grounds, but they weren't allowed into his private gardens. Few living beings were, other than himself and sometimes Rukia, as well as the other important family members, on rare occasions. But the rest of the time, his garden was his sanctuary, the one place where he could let down his hair, both figuratively and literally, and lose himself in some of the simple pleasures of life for a few hours at a time. He could infrequently spare the time for such indulgences, but in the wake of the encounter with the Crusaders, he had deemed it necessary to schedule aside some time to think in private about matters without risk of interruption. All the more so because today was the regularly scheduled meeting of the Shinigami Women's Association, and though he had yet to give his official permission for them to continue using some of his estate rooms for their meetings, he did not doubt they would use them nonetheless.
He could have made a bigger deal of it, could have legitimately ejected every single one of the trespassers from his property, even used violence upon them, but he refrained, no matter how they chose to test his patience... whether it was Vice Captain Kusajishi burrowing under his walls and terrorizing his kitchens in search of candy, or Vice Captain Matsumoto commissioning a swimming pool to be made in one of the dojo chambers, or even his own Rukia redecorating rooms with Chappy the Rabbit wallpapers without permission... he just silently took it all in, choosing to regard it as a test of character, like so many other things were. Besides, were she still alive, Hisana would have absolutely adored the SWA and their antics, and it felt as if he was doing some small service to her memory to allow the meetings to continue, as long as they didn't cause any real damage to his clan's properties. Not that he would ever explain this reasoning to the SWA... knowing them, they'd blow it all out of proportion, and he did have a hard won reputation to consider...
So engrossed in these idle thoughts, as well as his formulaic considerations involving the Crusaders who had all but taken over 5th Division and transformed into into a hideous and barbaric war-camp of some sort... it being plainly visible from his own Division's perimeter, that it took Byakuya almost ten seconds to realize he was no longer alone in his garden. He started, just a twitch of his hand as it moved towards the gardening trowel he used for tending the soil of his flower beds, no Senbonzakura, but with his centuries of training and great power behind it, any tool with a metal blade of some sort could be a deadly weapon in the right circumstances. But he controlled himself in the next instant, composed his features and idly glanced over his shoulder, projecting an aura of total unconcern that he did not truly feel. In the ten seconds it had taken him to notice this trespasser, if it had meant him harm, he would have already been harmed.
It took all his years of training at keeping a straight face not to do a double take as he caught sight of his unwanted and unexpected visitor. It was a goat, its hide a deep, shimmering blue with splotches of crimson, like splatters of blood, blue horns ridged with crimson rising in impressive arcs from the top of its head, looking long and sharp enough to be used as wakizashi blades. Golden Yellow eyes with pupils of neon green in the shape of triangles peered at him with idle curiosity, as the Sacred Goat casually dipped its head and began nibbling at a row of rosebushes, its leathery lips and chomping teeth quickly stripping off a half dozen succulent blooms of pink, white, yellow and pale blue. Had any human hand, save his or Rukia's, dared to pluck one of his roses from its bush without his express permission, that hand would have soon no longer been attached to its arm! However, he could hardly lash out at a simple beast who didn't know any better, especially one that was of religious importance to honored guests of the Sereitei.
Frowning with great annoyance, Byakuya stepped forward and grabbed the offending animal by its bell collar, wondering why he had not heard the jangle of the metal clapper as the animal approached, and dragged it away from his rose bushes. This was not as easy as he had thought it might be, the creature plainly liked the taste of his flowers and dug in its hooves, almost digging furrows in his immaculately hand mown lawn. Already he could feel his meditative calm slipping away, being replaced with an uncommonly fierce sense of irritation. Usually he only felt like this around Kurosaki, who was a lot like this goat in many ways, come to think of it. Unnessecarily flashy, stupidly obstinate, carelessly insulting to his betters and fond of trampling upon and disrupting all the things that Byakuya held most dear to himself! Channeling that frustration, Byakuya lifted the struggling creature with one hand, holding it away from him to avoid its bucking horns and kicking hooves, carrying the creature out into the house proper, allowing some of his spiritual pressure to leak out, knowing that Renji would soon come running to see what was bothering his Captain. He was reliable in that, if not always in everything else.
For his part, when Renji flash stepped down into one of the sub-courtyards of his Captain's family estate, he wasn't quite sure what to expect. Captain Kuchiki had left strict orders with him the night before that he was taking one of his extremely rare mornings off, and that he was not to be disturbed for anything less than a repeat of the Winter War. Feeling his Captain's annoyance from several miles away, Renji had then hurried to the scene as quickly as possible, hoping he could save the ass of whomever had been stupid enough to intrude on Captain Kuchiki's solitude time. But upon arriving, he found his Captain in a rare state of disarray, hair unbound and hanging loosely around his shoulders, clad in a simple brown work robe smeared with dirt and grass stains, and holding a wildly struggling multicolored goat in one hand. Now, as a Shinigami and a Vice-Captain, Renji was accustomed to being presented with fairly odd sights without warning, but this one was nonetheless enough to give him a moment of pause, before he remembered his manners and averted his gaze.
"I found this in my garden, eating my roses." Byakuya explained without preamble, causing Renji to wince at the mere thought. The goat was lucky not to be sliced into a thousand bloody chunks! Those roses were some of Captain Kuchiki's pride and joys. "By command of the Captain-General, I cannot harm this creature, but if I ever see it within the grounds of my house again, I will not be held responsible for my actions and its subsequent possible disappearance from this plane of reality. In the interest of preserving peaceful relations with these Crusaders, hang onto it, Renji, and don't let it out of your sight unless the Crusaders are taking it back."
"Yes, Captain." Renji agreed, not that there was much else he could do. He reached out to take the goat, which seemed to have realized that its life was potentially hanging in the balance, because it had stopped struggling and accepted being handed off to Renji calmly. Without further ado, Captain Kuchiki flash stepped away, no doubt to try and pick up the shreds of his attempts at meditation once more. Hardly was Captain Kuchiki away than the goat lashed out with one of its hind legs and caught the unprepared Renji right in the groin with one hoof. His eyes went wide and spittle fly from his lips as he doubled over, dropping him gasping to his knees on the courtyard pavement. The goat alighted nearby, four hooves making nary a click against the stones, even the bell at its neck refusing to jangle for some reason, as it eyed the gagging Shinigami cooly.
"Baaaaaa..." It bleated at him, and then it blurred and vanished, appearing on the roof of the courtyard walls and then blurring and disappearing from view, utilizing some sort of flash step maneuver.
"Oh, its fucking ON!" Renji gasped, once he had recovered the ability to speak. Zabimaru was almost in his grip before he remembered they weren't supposed to hurt the creatures. Clambering to his feet, Renji cast out his admittedly somewhat limited spiritual senses and tried to home in on the fleeing goat, but it seemed to be hiding its energy somehow. That might explain why it had been able to sneak up on the Captain, actually. Still, there was more than one way to catch a goat, and with a quick flash step, Renji hurled himself several hundred feet into the air, gaining a bird's eye view of the estate and its surroundings. He caught sight of the beast just as it was crossing the Kuchiki manor perimeter walls, on an apparent course for the 6th division offices. Hurtling down from on high, he struck the unsuspecting animal like a thunderbolt, smashing it off its feet and scooping it up into his arms in one fell swoop.
The stunned creature slashed its horns at his eyes, but he managed to twist his head to one side to avoid taking the blow, frowning as the goat went wild in his arms, acting like his arms were red hot or something. Tightening his grip, Renji scowled and tried to think of what to do next, but ideas weren't very forthcoming. His train of thought derailed soon afterwards as the goat closed its jaws upon the back of his hand and tore out a not altogether small chunk of flesh! Startled by the pain, Renji dropped the animal and shouted in pain, watching with thudnerous eyes as the goat bleated again, twitched its tail at him and then blurred away once more. "Okay. That's how you wanna play it, asshole? Howl, Zabimaru!" Renji declared, drawing and releasing his Zanpakuto. He couldn't harm the creature... but IT didn't have to know that...
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