MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT
All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer ©...and I don't own The Simpsons either!
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Name:Cafeteria Secrets
Status: Edited
Summary:Ever since the controversial departure of the Cullens, Mike Newton has been on the lookout for a certain girl. But during a harmless cafeteria lunch with Lauren, Eric, Angela, Ben and Jessica –certain secrets are revealed.
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Character: Mike Newton
I sat at the table, wondering how the heck my life got so pathetic in such a short stretch of time. I'll give you one word: Cullen. And another word: Lauren. Christ, how on earth did Lauren get so gung-ho about this whole crappy affair?
Everyone was seated at our table. Wait –not everyone as in the whole of the school. I mean everyone as in Eric, Ben, Angela, Lauren and Jessica. Tyler was absent today, having come down with the flu.
"Did you know that her father's going to send her to a shrink?" gossiped Lauren, studying her perfectly manicured nails. "Oh my god, I would so not be friends with her."
I didn't need a dictionary to know who 'her' was.
"Yeah!" Jessica nodded vigorously, her curls bouncing everywhere by the aforementioned nod. "She's, like, the most pathetic person I've ever seen, except for Homer Simpson from The Simpsons."
"Homer Simpson?" piped up Eric, defensively. "What's wrong with Homer?"
Jessica rolled her eyes. "Come on, Eric. Don't be dumb –I mean, even you know that Homer looks weird with his weirdo bug eyes."
"This is about Homer's bug eyes?" Lauren asked her eyes wide. "God, you guys are totally stupid. We're fighting over a fictional character, Jessica."
"Homer's not fictional," whined Eric. "He still lives in Springfield."
"Oh, yeah?" snapped Lauren. "Snap out of it, dumbass. Everyone knows that Homer doesn't exist. Tell me, Eric –how do you know that Homer still lives in Springfield?"
"I saw it on his website," mumbled Eric. "He has a blog too."
Lauren let out a guffaw, and shook her head at Eric. "You really are stupid, Yorkie." Jessica nodded again. "No wonder Bella didn't go to prom with you," Lauren added cuttingly. Jessica's eyes went wide in shock, and Angela stifled a horrified gasp.
"Don't be like that, Lauren," said Angela, reprovingly. She turned to Eric. "Eric, you know Lauren didn't mean it like that."
Lauren rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Come on, Angela –quit being a Virgin Mary. Even he knows it."
Several pairs of eyes turned in Eric's direction. He bowed his head, and shrugged.
"I don't know," he said finally. Lauren rolled her eyes again in disgust.
"Anyway," she said, fishing out a metal nail file from her Hello Kitty bag. "I heard some more news. Bella's father is shipping her off to her mom's place in Summerville, Florida or something like that."
"It's Jacksonville," I said sullenly. "Not Summerville."
Lauren snorted. "Like I care."
"Then you're stupid," I snapped back.
"Oh, I know!" Lauren said suddenly, tears forming in her eyes. "Everyone tells that to me, even behind my back. My mom, my dad, and-and everyone!"
She stopped filing her nails, and shoved the nail file back in the bag. She stood up, and glared at our group.
"Goodbye, everyone," she declared, tears running down her cheeks. "I hope y'all have a bad day."
After Lauren stormed off, Jessica looked at us uncomfortably.
"Um...guys?" she began, licking her lips. My eyes followed her tongue as they ran over her pink lips.
"Mike?"
I jumped out of my weird trance. "Yeah, um, yeah."
"What?" Jessica said, raising her eyebrows.
"You're right," I babbled. "You're totally right."
"Right about what?" said Jessica, impatiently. "I didn't say anything yet."
"Oh."
I felt my face growing hot. "Um...could you continue?"
Jessica smirked at me, and said, "Well, there's something...off with Lauren, you know?"
"Yeah," said Angela, slowly. She frowned slightly. "I overheard Lauren on the phone. It was nothing, really...but I was curious."
"Go on," prodded Ben. "What happened?"
"I-I know I shouldn't have listened," whispered Angela. "I mean, I'm not one to eavesdrop on others. But I was in the wrong place at the time, and she just happened to be there, you know? And then, out of nowhere, she starts talking, and I'm standing there, and I-I can't walk away, and she doesn't know I'm there."
She sniffed, and rubbed her eyes.
"You can tell if you want," offered Ben, kindly.
"No, it's okay," said Angela, biting her lip. "I want to tell anyway, because I don't want to hold it in. Anyway, I was standing in the door to girls' locker room, and it's empty, except for Lauren. And then I'm about to walk into the room, when she takes out her phone, and calls someone. At first, she was whispering, so I didn't hear anything. So when I was about to decide to leave, she starts screaming into the phone, and basically yelling all sorts of names into the phone."
I could practically hear the wheels turning in Jessica's head as she spoke. "So Lauren was yelling at someone? Who was it?"
"I don't know," replied Angela. "I was just in the doorway, and-and then it happened. I'm so sorry."
"Well, it could have been some asshole friend," I suggested. "She does have a lot of those."
"Or she could be bipolar," added Eric. "Lauren sure acts it sometimes."
"Maybe she's on drugs," hinted Ben.
"Hey, I may not know Lauren like the back of my hand," defended Jessica. "But I do know her well enough that she won't stoop so low so as to use drugs. She's just not like that. Oh, she may bitch on and on about how yucky your shoes are, or hell, even call you a 'slut' to your face –but she'd never use drugs."
"This is pointless," I said. "That problem is her business, and not ours. And besides, what's she ever done for us to earn our respect and friendship? Besides being a total stink, I mean?"
"She was our best-friend since first-grade," pointed out Jessica, softly. "And she used to help us all the time."
"People change all the time," announced Eric. "And Lauren's no exception."
"Still," said Jessica, looking worried. "I think something's not right with Lauren."
"Do whatever you want," I said, unconcerned. "But I still think she's a total pain-in-the-ass."
"Mike," warned Jessica, looking fragile. "Please."
I shrugged in a non-committal manner.
"Alright, guys," pronounced Jessica. "I've reached a decision."
She took a deep breath. "I'm going to find out what's up with Lauren. I have a feeling it's something really bad."
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