"What if he's… what if he'll still be my friend?" Dave muttered, looking at Santana.
"And what if he'll totally turn on you and tell the whole school that you're gay? You don't know, Dave. I'd rather you turned to him after you came out to Glee."
Someone knocked on the door. Dave's heart was thumping, he sat up quickly and Santana covered her mouth in shock. Dave opened the door, and Paul Karofsky stood there with confused eyes.
"I came to… tell you that Azimio is on the phone…" He muttered. "Um… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… overhear anything—" Shit. Shit shit shit… Dave thought. He wanted to throw up. This couldn't be how it happened. Everything was going to be awkward now wasn't it? He was going to tell his mom and he was going to be sent to be baptized again or out to his Aunt's—he knew how adamant his Uncle was against gays—maybe he'd be sent there to get it beat out of him. Paul Karofsky seemed to sense the fear and smiled reassuringly.
"Pulling pigtails is not going to get him to notice you, David. Not in the way you'd like." Paul said simply. Dave laugh/sobbed, a huge balloon of nervousness deflated in his chest as he reached out to hug his dad. "I'm sorry that I made you feel like you couldn't come to me about these things, David. I love you, son. No matter what happens."
"Thanks." Dave said, the words globbing in his throat. "I… I'm sorry I didn't… that you found out like that…"
"Is that what you've been so upset about?" Paul muttered. "I know that you've been upset lately, I've heard you crying—"
"Mr. Karofsky?" Santana said, standing up tentatively. "I know that it's probably none of my business, and Dave, I know that you'll hate me for saying this because I guess… well… I've already said enough… but…" She sighed. "Could you please set up Dave with a therapist? Like, a real one? I know I'm enough to talk to him, but he's been talking about suicide—"
"Santana." Dave hissed, glaring at Santana. Santana avoided his glare and continued.
"—And honestly, I'm worried for Dave every second that I'm not with him. Kurt and I are trying to keep him from flailing, we made him join the glee club… but… please." Santana said. Paul looked deeply saddened, but nodded. Santana took a shuddering breath and smiled with some effort. "Well… I think you guys have some stuff to talk about…"
"Santana, why would you do that?" Dave half-growled. "You think I'm going back to glee club, then you can forget it."
"You'll leave us, and then you'll realize how much you missed us." Santana muttered. She turned back to Paul. "Also, I'm a lesbian. We were each other's beards."
Paul cracked a tiny smile of amusement before turning back to his son's broken face of defeat. Santana scooted her way past the Karofskys. Dave couldn't look at his father.
"I bet you think I'm a coward and a pussy now." Dave murmured.
"I don't think you're either. I think that you're confused and sad. And lost." Paul swallowed. "I… I'm going to get your mother." Paul left and Dave fell onto his bed. Could he kill himself by the time his mother got back upstairs? He didn't seriously consider it, but he didn't want to be in this room. He didn't want to have to face it. It was easier when it was just him and Santana, two people frightened to death of the secret that they shared. Now Santana was out, Azimio was suspecting, his parents knew… his secret was slipping through his fingers like water in his hands.
"David?" Sandra Karofsky murmured. "Your father told me that you have something to tell me. Is… are you alright?"
"It's because he can't bring it to say it himself." Dave said heavily. Dave closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm gay, mom." It was her brother, Uncle Marcus, who had such strong opinions on the gays. Sandra's face was blank for a second before a smile crept up her lips. She reached forward and embraced Dave in a warm hug, chuckling into his ear.
"I know, baby." She had a few tears falling down her face. "I think I've known for a while." She wiped her eye and fell down onto the bed next to Dave; his hands still in hers. "Once, when you were 6, you asked me if you could marry the blue power ranger. I tried to tell you that boys don't marry boys, and didn't you mean the pink power ranger? Or the Yellow? And you were so deadset. 'I'm going to marry the blue power ranger mommy, and we're going to be happy forever.' You said." Sandra laughed. "And then of course, your eighth birthday. You had asked to hold hands with Tommy… Tommy Anderson? And he said no, and they spent… all of the little kids…they spent your entire birthday calling you names like, gay and ladyface—horrible names… just insulting you. Marcus joined in, and you were absolutely devastated. You never were the same since then. You never had that excited spark in your eye. I know because I've been checking. It's starting to come back, Dave." Sandra smiled sadly. "And I can't wait until you're happy again."
"Santana has told me that Dave has contemplated suicide." Paul murmured. Dave broke eye contact with his mother because he couldn't take the pain and sadness in her eyes. "She says that we should send him to a therapist."
"I agree." Sandra said immediately. "David, I love you for everything that you are." She said hurriedly, as though Dave was slipping away, as though she needed to enforce her point here. "It's taken some time for your father and I to accept it, but ever since your eighth birthday, we… we took some counseling. First, we thought about trying to convert you. Trying to make you straight. We looked at the pamphlets and all we saw… it was trying to get you to hate yourself. We had to go to so many classes, so many, to come to accept who you are. By the time you were in high school, we sort of guessed that you weren't gay, because we checked your computer, under your bed, and we didn't find anything. We still went to classes, because we liked the feeling of accepting other people. Well… I did. I was interested in gay culture; shocked at how much violence is truly used against gays… it made me sad. It made me especially sad when I heard that you were picking on the only gay kid at school. I wanted to talk to you… but I'm bad with words. I think everyone in this family is horrible with their words." Sandra chuckled. "But… we've been preparing for this." Sandra said finally. "We're okay with you being gay. We don't care. We just want you happy."
Dave was speechless. He recalled his eighth birthday party vividly. He had forgotten just how heartless and horrible everyone had been to him. It was in the back of his mind always. They called him faggot and pussy, gay and disgusting… They threw his birthday cake at him, told him he'd go to hell, took back their presents and left without another word to him. Children could be so harsh when repeating the words of their parents. Dave was just eight years old again, frightened, tortured, insulted and scared. The only person who hadn't made fun of him was Azimio, he remembered. Azimio was the one that stayed with him after the party, helped wash the cake off of him and let Dave open his present. It was a blue power ranger action figure, Dave still had it in a box in his closet.
"I know how you feel." Azimio said, his tiny eyes looking down. "It's not fair that they made fun of you."
"How do you know how I feel?" Dave said, looking up at him, wide-eyed.
"Because I'm black." Azimio held a lot of sadness in his body. "I… I don't like seeing anyone upset cuz when I first moved here our neighbors threw stuff at my grammaw, and I got really mad at them. We hadta move."
"I'm sorry." Dave muttered after awhile. "I'm not like that, okay? I promise."
"Yeah, I know, big guy." Azimio smiled. "I don't care if you wanna hold hands with a guy. But don't pick Tommy Anderson. He's a butthole."
"I don't want to hold hands with Tommy Anderson." Dave said, frowning. "I just wanted his watergun."
Azimio frowned suspiciously, but didn't say anything else.
Azimio was the only one of the 16 invited that slept over that night.
Dave closed his eyes sadly at the memory. If the Azimio he knew today was the same Azimio back then, then he'd understand. He'd really understand. This Azimio was just upset at everyone else and had to prove that he could hold his own. He didn't like to be under anyone else, he didn't want to act like he could be told what to do. He wanted to protect his reputation and himself. Dave just wanted to push everyone away.