Disclaimer: Yeah, you all thought it was dead. In your face.
Rebuilding
Chapter 6: Hiatuses Suck
"So, Samus, you say the Mansion molecularly relocated..." mused Link, wondering.
"Yeah, and I have no idea what happened to any of the others," answered Samus, nodding.
"I guess they're dead..." lamented Link.
"Yeah, let's go with that," sighed Samus.
"No, I've got it!" put in Kirby. "All of the other Smashers were minding their own business, when all of a sudden, an explosion sent them flying across the known universe, and Samus was blown here,"
"And so was Zelda-a," replied Mario.
"Zelda?" asked Link. "Dude, cool!"
Zelda glided in gracefully. "Link, my darling!"
"I'M GOING TO STEAL YOUR SOUL!" screamed Zelda.
"I love you too baby," smirked Link, stroking Zelda's arm.
"Who are the new guys?" asked Zelda, indicating Pit, and Samus, who was still in her Zero Suit.
"Them, oh, right, these are our new Smashers," replied Pikachu.
"Hi, I'm Pit, nice to meet you!" smiled Pit.
Zelda charged up a magical beam, and sent Pit flying with it, killing him.
The two realtors looked up.
"Yeah, that's how Princess Zelda does it," grinned Zelda, smoking a cigarette.
"Hey, she said that at the end of one of Link's home movies," observed Fox.
"Yeah, heh heh," chuckled Kirby. "Wait, what?"
"A returning Smasher, eh?" the male realtor asked, "Greetings, I am Ma-"
The female one elbowed him in the ribs.
"Ma. I think of myself as a motherly figure," said the male realtor, hesitating.
"Anyway, we would like to declare you the ninth Smasher for Super Smash Brothers Brawl!" smiled the female realtor.
"Muhahahaha, perfect," grinned Zelda evilly.
"Oh man...my head..." groaned Ness, waking up.
"That's far enough, kid," said a voice.
"Who are you?" asked Ness.
"Not important. Pick up your friend," said the voice harshly.
Ness looked over at the lying figure several feet away from him.
"Pick. Him. Up," demanded the voice.
Ness approached the figure, and saw it was Marth, coughing up blood in a huddle.
"What happened to him?" asked Ness.
"He was injured in a struggle," replied the voice casually.
"Struggle? With who?" asked Ness worriedly.
"Me," replied the voice.
"Am I going to find out who you are?" asked Ness.
"Doubtful. You're most likely too stupid to handle the truth of whom I am," sneered the voice, looking down at Ness.
"You know, that black cloak is really clichéd," criticised Ness.
"I could kill you right now for that," snapped the voice. "But I don't kill those I respect,"
The voice teleported away.
"Finally, someone respects me!" cheered Ness happily.
"So what's this item?" asked Fox, picking out a yellow item from the realtor's item compartments.
"That's a banana peel," replied the male realtor uninterestedly.
"You don't um...think they're too much of a cliché, do you?" asked Pikachu, tilting his head as if to check for extra capabilities of the peel.
"Cliche?" asked the male realtor, raising an eyebrow.
"I mean, when you throw them, you pretty much know what's going to happen next," continued Pikachu.
"I agree," agreed Samus, "Just watch,"
Samus picked up the peel and threw it a few metres away.
"I'm not following you," said the realtor blandly.
"Banana!" cried Kirby hungrily, running out towards the peel.
"You're gonna slip! Trust me, you're GONNA slip!" called Pikachu in warning.
Kirby slipped on the peel, and broke his non-existent neck on the pavement. Blood poured out from the gash made in Kirby's side, and Kirby panted weakly, bleeding and crying.
"See?! You slipped!" called Pikachu.
Both realtors still had blank looks on their faces.
"I wonder if this joke is recognised everywhere around the world..." muttered Link to Zelda.
"Ah well," shrugged Zelda.
Fox looked at Kirby's dying form with sympathy. "Slipping and falling on your backside...ouch..."
"Not backside, more of neck and spine," replied Kirby calmly, swallowing a passer-by to become Able-Bodied Kirby.
Ness stared at Marth's body, frantically trying to coax him into recovering.
"Come on Marth, you gotta wake up!" said Ness desperately. "Wake up!"
Marth coughed, and Ness smiled; Marth was still alive.
"Get Dr. Mario...I need Dr. Mario..." spluttered Marth, coughing.
"We can't!" protested Ness. "Mario left to find the new Smash Mansion, and we don't know if he took his first aid stuff!"
"Get Master Hand..." panted Marth.
"We can't!" protested Ness. "Master Hand left before anyone else! They left a long time ago, remember? But some of the others who got molecularly separated could find us!"
"Check it out, you guys I hate!" smiled Wario. "Look what I can do on my awesome bike!"
"Screw-a your bike, fatty, we need it-a to find the other Smashers-a who got molecularly separated-a!" said Mario angrily, having just heard the story from Zelda.
"Vroom! Vroom!" replied Wario stupidly. "Axle turn!"
Wario did an axle turn, splashing mud in Mario's face.
"AUSAUDHAHSAUDHASUASH-a!" cried Mario calmly.
Mario picked up Wario (which required an insane amount of strength), threw him off of the bike, and hopped on.
"W-where's my hog?" asked Wario, confused.
"I sure am glad I don't have to resort to fart jokes!" smiled the author, sipping some fine Cognac.
Wario farted. He hadn't held it in, so it was a cute little poot.
"Damnit,"
Wario exploded in a firey stream of anal explosions.
"End chapter, end it now,"
"Let's-a go..." said Mario calmly, revving up Wario's bike.
"What are we supposed to do, walk?" asked Link furiously.
"I can fly!" smiled Pit.
"Nobody cares," said everyone else at once, except Mario. He said "Nobody cares-a."
End of chapter, have fun reviewing and paying me to update.