A/N: Hi again everyone! The next two Eclipse chapters had very little Edward *sad sigh*, so I hope you all will indulge me a bit as I give our favorite vamp a little more storyline. Love to all, and sorry if I haven't replied to your review. Things have gotten a bit busier now that I'm off bed rest and am getting things ready for baby. I read and appreciate all your comments, THANKS!!!
Thanks also to shasta53 for helping me edit. You rock!
Nature – EPOV
Bella's irritation with me regarding the Victoria incident seemed to dissipate over the next few days. While I was thrilled to be back in her good graces, her change in mood wasn't entirely without a downside. As her anger wavered, her anxiety grew. She tried to hide it from me, and I knew there had never been a time when she was more thankful for my inability to read her thoughts. There were signs, though. Signs that were hard to ignore.
At first, she acted as if the fact that she was once again being stalked by a deranged vampire was nothing out of the ordinary – something to be expected even. She shrugged it off and went about her days in a fairly normal manner. However, as the days passed, I sensed the subtle changes. She was startled more easily by sudden sounds and movements, though there wouldn't likely be such a prelude to the type of attack she was in danger of. She was restless at night, her breathing more ragged and her speech more disjointed than usual. She never looked fully rested when she awoke.
I'd also noticed she held me closer, both at night and during the day. I was certain it was an unconscious gesture, so I didn't say anything. I was more than happy to give her whatever extra feeling of security I could offer, and the last thing I wanted was for her to feel embarrassed about needing it.
She'd done a fairly good job of hiding her fears from my family, with the exception of Jasper, of course, who tried to make me feel better by assuring me she grew more relaxed and confident when she was with us all. It was why I was completely stunned when Friday night, during one of her evening visits, she declared very firmly that she believed it was a bad idea to remain human any longer. All eyes turned abruptly to Bella. As a low growl escaped my chest, Alice flitted casually to my side.
"A little warning would have been nice," I muttered under my breath.
Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen tonight. She's just nervous, that's all. She'll listen to us, I promise.
"There are seven of us, Bella. And with Alice on our side, I don't think Victoria's going to catch us off guard," Carlisle told her. Alice grinned smugly and went to Bella's side. "I think it's important, for Charlie's sake, that we stick with the original plan."
"We'd never allow anything to happen to you, sweetheart," Esme added kindly, glancing toward me for a moment. Her words were as much a promise to me as they were to Bella. "You know that. Please don't be anxious." Esme kissed her forehead lovingly and Bella blushed.
Your girl's pretty cute when she's all embarrassed, Emmett thought wryly, and I hissed nearly inaudibly at him as he broke into quiet laughter.
"I'm really glad Edward didn't kill you," he told Bella, still chuckling. "Everything's so much more fun with you around."
Oh yeah, this is how I wanted to spend my evening. Talking the human out of immortality again. And I thought eternity was monotonous before. Rosalie was staring daggers at Emmett, who seemed completely oblivious, still too amused by the whole conversation.
Bella turned pleadingly to Alice, probably hoping to exploit her obvious desire to have Bella be an official member of the family, but Alice simply rolled her eyes.
"I'm offended. You're not honestly worried about this, are you?"
"If it's no big deal, then why did Edward drag me to Florida?" Bella turned to look at me, a hint of frustration lurking behind her mostly composed exterior.
"Haven't you noticed yet, Bella, that Edward is just the teensiest bit prone to overreaction?"
I sighed indignantly. Overreaction indeed. None of them understood how hard it was to sit by day after day and watch Bella, fragile and mortal, wondering what the next catastrophe would be. They all had the luxury of virtually indestructible mates, and couldn't possible fathom what that kind of fear felt like.
Relax Edward, Alice thought, staring at me pointedly. Or better yet, let's help Bella relax.
With a warm smile, Alice gripped Jasper's arm and whispered softly to him. He looked at me, then at Bella, and gave Alice the tiniest of nods as he took a deep breath. Almost immediately, I heard Bella's racing heart return to normal. A contented smile captured her face, and she turned to me with nothing but love and trust in her eyes.
"You're safe with us, Bella," Carlisle promised. "You are part of this family, and we will always protect you, no matter what."
She turned her gentle, relaxed stare toward Carlisle and thanked him as I took her hand in mine.
"See? There's nothing to worry about," I whispered, kissing her cheek as my thumb traced circles on the back of her hand.
A part of me wanted to keep her there and under Jasper's calming influence, but it was getting late and I knew she needed to get home. We'd barely made it out of the driveway before Bella's expression shifted back to one of anxiety.
"Bella, love, you're perfectly safe," I told her before she could even get the words out. Her brow pulled together as she looked over at me, and I smiled, bringing her hand up to kiss it. "I'm never going to let anything happen to you. Alice is on constant guard. We'll know the moment Victoria is planning to return. And next time, we won't let the wolves distract us from what's really important. She will not get away from us again."
I tried my best to keep the ire out of my voice as I thought about how close my family had been to taking care of the problem. Deep down I knew it was a simple mistake, but I couldn't help but blame the pack's temper for Victoria's escape.
"Still," Bella whispered, her eyes glazed over as she stared nervously out the window, "it seems ridiculous to put it off. We've already agreed my change is going to happen." She didn't look at me, probably because she knew what she would see. My teeth were clenched and my knuckles were gripping the steering wheel. I would never accept her change as imminent the way she did. Until her heart beat for the last time, I would hold onto her humanity and cherish it like the gift it was.
"If you know you're safe," I said, speaking as calmly as I could manage, "then there's no need to rush into anything."
"I know we said after graduation, but every day we wait is one more day we tempt fate," she argued, turning to look me in the eye.
"That's between you and Carlisle." Then I thought of the only thing I knew for sure would end the conversation. Smiling sincerely, I added, "Of course, you know that I'm willing to make it between you and me at any time that you wish. You know my condition."
I heard her heart jump and stutter as her eyes widened and returned to the window. Everyday since we'd returned from Florida, I found myself thinking about my absurd proposal, and I suddenly berated myself for bringing it up again. She deserved so much better, and I planned to give it to her. Though the fear in her eyes at the very mention of marriage did shake my confidence to some extent.
Would it really make a difference where or how I said it? Would it matter to her if I whisked her away to our meadow and proposed underneath the glorious rays of the sun? Would she care that it was my mother's ring I held in offering, the single tie I had to my human past and the only object I deemed beautiful enough to place on her finger? Would my declaration of love and eternal devotion silence her fears? I would give her all I had to give, yet I had no way of knowing if it was enough.
It was with that thought that I parked the car and walked her to the front door. I could hear Charlie pacing inside, though we were nowhere near her curfew.
"See you in a few minutes," I whispered, kissing her softly before making my way around the house to her window.
Bella and Charlie engaged in their normal evening smalltalk, and while he remained as oblivious as usual, I could tell she was nervously rushing the conversation. Less than ten minutes had passed before she yawned and said she was going to bed. She climbed the stairs with deliberately heavy feet, and I laughed to myself at her theatrics.
Not quite ready to let her sleep, I settled into her rocking chair and waited for the door to open. All signs of her earlier tension gone, she grinned widely at me as she quickly crossed the room and came to sit in my lap. I rocked us silently while running my fingers through her silky hair and she sighed into my shoulder. After a few minutes, she peeked up at me through her lashes, and reached a finger out to trace the shadows under my eyes.
"I've been taking up too much of your time," she whispered.
"Not possible," I said firmly, kissing the top of her head.
"You've gone too long without hunting."
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me."
"You should have gone last weekend, but you were babysitting me," she mumbled, pouting slightly.
"I was taking you for a long overdue visit with your mother, and I was happy to do so."
She looked at me skeptically and I rolled my eyes.
"If it would ease your worry, I'll go to the park for a few hours with Jasper and Emmett tomorrow."
She paused for a moment as if deciding something very important.
"Has Alice seen any sign of Victoria coming back to Forks?" she asked, a little more casually than I would have expected.
"No, there's no indication she's anywhere near here."
"Then it's settled. You're taking a real hunting trip tomorrow."
"Bella, there's no need..."
"Yes, there is. It's been a long time since you've gone somewhere besides the park, and I know you're tired of it. Besides, I've made up my mind, which means Alice has probably already told the guys about it, and I'm sure they're both very excited."
She looked at me defiantly, challenging me to argue with her logic. When I sighed and nodded, she smiled triumphantly and resumed her position curled up against me.
"Thank you," I finally breathed. I hugged her tightly to me, overcome by how loving and understanding she was.
"For what?" she whispered, tracing her fingers up and down my chest.
"For knowing me so well. For understanding what I need when even I don't." I leaned my face down to kiss her, and she melted into my touch. "Thank you for being you."
We held each other for a few more minutes, silent except for the sound of our breathing in unison. When she yawned again, I knew it was time to let her sleep. I carried her to the bed, and her arms never broke from around my neck. She scooted closer once we were laying down, and closed her eyes when I started humming to her.
"The earlier I leave, the sooner I can come back to you," I said softly, and she smiled into my chest.
"Go have fun. Bag a few mountain lions for me."
I laughed quietly as I resumed stroking her hair, and before long she was asleep. I listened to her dream, happy to hear she seemed far more relaxed than she had all week. When she drifted off into dreamless slumber, I carefully slid out from beneath her and wrapped her up in the quilt.
I glanced at a pile of stationary on her bedside table, and quickly scrolled a note for her. Something to remind her that even when I was away, my heart was always with her.
I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me. Look after my heart – I've left it with you.
With a smile, I placed it on the pillow beside her, kissed her forehead softly, and left for what I hoped would be a very short trip.
Back so soon? Alice teased when I returned home. I can't imagine why.
"Cute," I muttered as she gleefully bounded toward me. "I assume you've already informed Emmett and Jasper about the trip."
"Of course."
"It's making me really nervous, the idea of being so far out of town."
"This is a good thing. Bella's obviously not so worried that she's afraid to let you leave."
"I wish I didn't have to."
"I know, and Bella knows that too. But she also knows this is something you need, and she's more than happy to let you have some fun in the process. She's still somewhat amused, I'd even say fascinated, by the idea of you hunting," she smiled.
"And that doesn't bother you at all?" I asked incredulously.
"No. I think it's sweet. She loves you, and this is just another part of who you are." And who she'll soon be.
It hadn't been intentional, that's simply how Alice thinks, but I growled at her nevertheless.
"Whoa, don't let the animal out quite yet. Save it for the grizzlies," Emmett said, smirking as came down the stairs. I ignored him, still glaring at Alice.
"Sorry," she mumbled, and I nodded with a deep sigh.
"You'll stay close by in case anything changes?" I asked her.
"Yes, I promise. And if she starts concocting more plans to visit the wolves, I'll take out another piece of her car."
"Thanks," I said, then turned to Emmett. "Is Jasper ready to go?"
"He actually took off about an hour ago. He dared us to catch up with him," he added with a snicker.
A huge grin broke out across my face, momentarily pushing my fears aside. "It's been awhile since I've run at full speed. You up for the challenge?"
"Always," he said, taking off without another word.
Alice smiled at me and gave my hand a quick squeeze. "Have fun, and try not to worry too much."
"I'll try."
"Now hurry up, Emmett's probably halfway across town by now."
"Ha! I'm just hanging back so I don't crush his ego too soon," I teased, and Alice flitted out of the room. I took another deep breath and darted out the back door, the speed and exhilaration hitting me almost instantly.
It wasn't long before I caught up with Emmett, and it was tempting to keep up my current speed and leave him behind. The surge of excitement as the trees blurred into a sea of green was wonderful, and it served to distract me – a welcome relief, even if only for a moment.
No need to show off, Emmett thought as I raced past him. The girlfriend's not here to watch.
Distraction gone. Thanks a lot, Emmett.
"I'm not showing off," I said, slowly my pace slightly. "It just feels good to be out again. For the first time in quite awhile, I wasn't thinking about anything at all."
Hmm, Edward finally not over thinking everything. Please, don't let me hold you back. I'll catch up.
"No, it's fine. The moment's lost anyway."
We ran the rest of the way side by side, and in relative silence. Emmett tried to keep his mind on mundane things, then focused in on the hunt as we grew closer to our favorite spot. When we were about fifty miles away, we saw Jasper in the distance. Emmett and I smiled sideways at each other, and picked up our pace to an all out sprint, tackling Jasper a few moments later.
"Took you guys long enough," he said sarcastically as we all continued our run. "I was starting to think I was going to have the pick of the whole forest."
"Don't you think Edward should have first choice?" Emmett said, smirking at me. "After all, he's been cooped up in Forks longer than either of us."
"I'm not sure if self-exile gives him any special rights," Jasper said with a grin, and I lunged at him again. Just as he was jumping out of the way, we all stopped in our tracks. We could smell blood, and it was close. Suddenly, all the playful banter disappeared, and I could feel all of us tense in anticipation.
My jaw tightened as we took off in separate directions, each in search of our own favorite prey. It wasn't long before I'd come across a pair of mountain lions. Even with all the adrenaline and my senses focused on the kill, I felt a smile pull at my mouth as I remembered Bella's parting words to me. Her casual acceptance of my way of life, unbelievable as it may be, truly was a gift. It was with that thought that I attacked the smaller of the animals, the larger one taking off immediately. I saw that he was fast, and excitement welled up in me once again as I thought about the chase that would follow.
When I'd finished the first, I sprinted after the second, finding him in minutes. Feeling greedy, I found a third only miles away, and gorged myself as I hadn't been able to so for so long. All conscious thought escaped me until I heard Emmett chuckle from behind me.
"And they say I'm insatiable."
I took one final draw of blood, pushing the carcass aside as he walked over to me.
"Where's Jasper?"
"Oh, he's having a bit more fun than he should be. I'm pretty sure he's done hunting for the moment, but he was scaring a herd of elk last I saw."
"And you?"
"Grizzlies galore," he smiled. I attempted to return his enthusiasm, but with the thrill of the hunt no longer occupying my every thought, I found myself growing nervous again.
"Okay," he said, watching me curiously, "you just took down two mountain lions... "
"Three," I corrected.
"Fine, three, and you still look stressed. What's going on?"
I hesitated, wondering how much to say. I didn't want to burden him, although clearly he was already seeing right through me. I shrugged and tried to infuse my tone with a level of composure. "It's difficult to be away from Bella."
"Alice is keeping a close watch on her. And Carlisle and Esme are there too, looking out for her. You've got to relax."
"It's not only that, though." I took a breath and when I spoke again, I found my words were pouring out, fast and unstoppable. "Ever since she and Carlisle made their little arrangement, my whole perception of our relationship has changed. I can never just be with her, because I'm always aware that each minute we spend together is counting down to the end. It's like each one of her breaths are numbered. Every heartbeat is special, because I know they're running out. I don't want to be away from her, because every second I am means there's something I'm missing."
He stared at me for an endless moment, his thoughts jumping around from sympathy to confusion to frustration. Finally, he shook his head.
"I wish you wouldn't talk about her like she's dying."
I scoffed, glaring at him icily.
"Okay, yes, technically she is. But it's not like it's really the end. This is only the beginning. You two are going to have eternity together. I know you wish there was another way, but honestly, sometimes I don't understand what you're so upset about. Being with her forever is what you want. And Bella wants that, too."
"I know she does, but still..."
"No," he interrupted. "There's no but. You have to let her make her own choices. And she's chosen you." He paused for a moment, letting his words sink in. When I made no attempt to argue, he smiled and continued. "Besides, the whole family has accepted her and welcomed her in. Well, almost the whole family," he added under his breath. I cringed, but made myself ask the question which I was fairly confident I already knew the answer to.
"Does Rose...talk about Bella a lot?" I asked warily.
"If by talk you mean complain, then yes. All the time."
"I know she has her reasons, but I wish she could find a way to at least be civil. Her thoughts can be pretty vicious, and it's hard to listen to her constant sarcasm and negativity when Bella comes over, and even worse to wonder what she's saying and thinking when we're not around."
"You can't let it get to you. All of us love Bella, and she's as much a part of our family as if Carlisle had already changed her." He watched me cautiously as I shuddered, then quickly continued. "Even with Rose, you've got to know it's not really anything personal. She just doesn't agree with the choice Bella is making."
"Neither do I," I growled, unable to hold it in.
"Then you of all people should understand," he said with more sincerity than I'd ever heard. "In her own strange way, Rose is trying to protect her. She doesn't want her to make a choice that can't be undone, and regret it for all eternity. Because she doesn't think there's anything she can do to stop her, she gets frustrated, and that comes out as anger toward Bella. That's the simplest explanation I can give you. Well, that and the fact that she thinks you're a complete moron. But you probably hear that all the time," he added wryly.
"Yeah, she's not exactly subtle." I shook my head, frustrated. "Do you think she's every going to get over it? Will she ever accept Bella, even if she can't accept the choice she's making?"
"Alice seems to think so. But as Rose has no immediate plans to start calling Bella 'dear little sister,' I think it's probably just Alice's unbridled optimism."
"Comforting," I mumbled.
"What are brothers for?"
We sat quietly, both lost in our own thoughts about the future. As we waited for Jasper to finish whatever game he was playing with the wildlife, another anxious feeling started to creep over me. Something felt wrong, and I suddenly wished Alice was there to assure me things were still okay back home.
"What's up?" Emmett asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.
"Something's not right. I should go back."
"Edward, you're being paranoid again. Alice told me not to let you freak out."
"I'm not freaking out. I'm just...I need to go."
"Hey Jazz," he called dramatically, staring at me with patronizing eyes. "Hunting trip's been cut short. Edward misses his girlfriend."
"Very mature," I muttered. "And I never said you two had to leave. You should stay. I was finished anyway."
"Sure you were," he said sarcastically. "Okay, we'll stay. But if I were you, I'd take my time getting home. You know Alice is going to give you a hard time about this. Have fun with that, by the way."
"Yeah, thanks," I said, rolling my eyes.
Just as he was trying to convince me to stay a little longer and join him for a duel attack, my cell phone went off. I looked down at it, feeling another swell of nerves when I saw Alice's name.
"What's wrong?" I answered.
"She disappeared again," she said, her voice shaking. "I thought she understood that the moment she crosses paths with those animals..."
"She's with the wolves?" I screamed, my thoughts racing at the trouble she could already be in. Emmett's eyes widened, and he nodded in understanding as I took off running.
"I didn't see her leave, but it's the only explanation," Alice continued as the trees blurred into a sea of green. "It must not have been premeditated, though. It all happened so fast. One second she was at work and the next, there was nothing. I went straight to Newton's, and they said she'd been given the day off. I went by her house and the truck was gone. She's down there, Edward, and neither one of us can do a thing about it."
"Why didn't you call me right away?" I asked desperately.
"I hoped I could catch her before she crossed the line. I'm so sorry."
I felt myself start to shake, fear taking over. She didn't have a cell phone so I couldn't call her, Alice couldn't see her, and neither of us could cross the boundary line to go get her. For a moment, I actually considered asking Charlie if he had any immediate plans to go visit Billy. Then I cringed as I realized Bella and Jacob weren't likely to be spending their day of freedom with Billy.
As I tried to picture what they were probably doing, each image grew progressively darker. A walk on the beach – that should be safe enough. Hanging out in his garage – it might bring back memories of the times they'd spent together when I'd been gone, but otherwise harmless. Riding their motorcycles – dangerous, although I knew she'd ridden before and Jacob had managed to keep her safe. Visiting with his friends – that's where my panic kicked in. Especially given the recent incident with the pack and my family, I couldn't be sure that one of them wouldn't see Bella as a threat, one of the enemies. The mere sight of her could ignite their rage and cloud their judgment.
"Alice, will you wait at the boundary line until I get home?"
"Of course, I'm on my way now. I'll take your car so it will be there for you when you get back."
"Thanks. Let me know if you see any sign of her coming home."
"I will. And Edward, she's going to be okay."
"I know," I said, wishing I really believed it. "She has to be."
"I'll see you soon?" she asked when I trailed off into silence.
"Yeah, I'll be there as soon as I can."
I ran faster than I'd ever run before, and tried without success not to think about what I was running toward. Before I knew it, I was back in Forks, and the reality of the situation truly set in. As I neared the boundary line, I saw Alice leaning up against the Volvo, her eyes clenched shut in deep concentration. I slowed down to a stop and waited for her to look at me. When she did, her eyes were strained and troubled. I felt instantly guilty, realizing how difficult it was for her, trying to watch for things she couldn't see.
"I'm sorry," she said, frustrated and miserable.
"It's okay, I'm here now. Thanks for staying."
"What are you going to do?"
"Wait, I guess. What else can I do?"
"If you're all right here..." she started, still watching me apologetically.
"Yes, you should go home. I know how hard this is for you."
"Thanks," she smiled. "I'll call you if anything changes."
There was only one road from Forks down to La Push, and I sat right on the other side of the line, staring intently at it and silently pleading for Bella to hear me. Couldn't she feel what she was doing to me?
As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop my mind from assuming the worst. One of those beasts could have phased the moment they saw her – the girl in love with the vampire, part of the family whom they believed was the reason they'd been condemned to their fate.
I tried to remind myself that at least Jacob was remarkably in control for one so new to the existence, and the nature of his thoughts had showed me he truly believed Bella would always be safe with himself and the pack. But while he would always work to portray them as the heroes in this story, hints of the darker truth – what even he knew they were capable of – had a way of creeping in, and they solidified my fears.
Time seemed to stand still as I sat, waiting, wondering...