Stop the presses children, for Malcolm and I have been gloriously reunited! Malcolm was found by TheJaron after violently disembowelling "a gang of hoodies"!
For finding Malcolm and foiling those damn parkas, TheJaron wins a signed copy of ...um...that one story...oh yeah, Rebuilding!
Every single one of my other readers (yes, all four of you) win a hug, a baseball bat, and a small meatball sub with no mayo?!
Just write the damn chapter already ISK, or no hug for you.
Rebuilding
Chapter 13: Failure Probably Is A Four-Letter Word
The Franklin Badges had all been packed away, and the Smashers were in a better mood.
"So do you guys remember the time where I called Pit gay?" asked Fox, smiling at the memory.
Everyone chuckled merrily.
"Why am I chuckling?" asked Pit.
Everyone laughed appreciatively.
"I hope nothing spoils this good mood!" chuckled Kirby.
A shell flew through the only non-broken window, and hit Kirby in the back of the head. And his back, really. A blue turtle emerged from the shell, giving a nervous chuckle.
"What is that thing?" asked Link.
"That's a..a..." Pikachu struggled to remember the name of the turtle, "...a Blastoise!"
The turtle shook its head.
"Wartortle?"
"No," replied the turtle.
"Mudkip?!"
"No,"
"Pikachu?"
"I'm a Squirtle, you freak," said Squirtle irritably.
"Freak?!" asked Pikachu, outraged. "I'll have you know I'm an Electric type, and you're a Water type! That means if you step out of line I can kill you,"
"I was EV trained in Special Defense!" boasted Squirtle.
"I was EV trained in Special Attack and Speed!" retorted Pikachu.
"I hold Leftovers!" snapped Squirtle.
"My Hidden Power DVs are set to give me a Grass-type Hidden Power move, which I can relearn from the Move Tutor and breed onto a Pichu, who'll inherit my best moves, my stat patterns, and may possibly get better HP DVs!" cried Pikachu.
Everyone else stared at the two Pokemon.
"Um...'kay," said Kirby, rubbing the mark on his back.
A four-legged dinosaur-esque Pokemon with a bulb on its back walked into the castle.
"Ha! Electric attacks are 50 effective on Grass types like my main man Ivysaur!" laughed Squirtle.
"That's right..." groaned Ivysaur wearily. "Now if you don't mind, I have to rest...I've been getting EV trained in my HP stat all day..."
"That's nothing compared to what Charizard went through!" chuckled Squirtle, as the orange dragon staggered into the castle, panting heavily.
"I had to fly that...that cretin...around the place looking for some Super Smash Brother people..." panted Charizard. He glanced around at the curious knot of people in the corner of the castle. "This is them, Squirtle?"
"Yep!" smiled Squirtle.
"Well, at least the big one's not into the mechanics of Pokemon battling as much as the other two!" said Ike, relieved.
"Oh, I am," said Charizard. "I was just running low on PP, and the fool doesn't even bring any Ethers,"
"What kind of sick mastermind is behind such animal cruelty?" Pit asked Zelda. Zelda responded by brandishing a knife.
A teenage boy entered, with three Pokeballs and a smile.
"Now Charizard, you can't be positive if you are negative!" Pokemon Trainer reprimanded. "Failure isn't a four-letter word!"
Everyone sighed, except for Pikachu, whose eyes narrowed dangerously.
"Ketchum..."
"Pikachu...I thought I told you I'm not Ash!" said the Trainer. "You silly-billy!"
"Oh yeah!" laughed Pikachu. "How's it going, man?"
"Pretty good, because I –" Pokemon Trainer gave a harsh glance at the exuberant Squirtle, the sleeping Ivysaur, and the mutinous Charizard, " – stay positive when faced with adversity!"
"That's-a great and whatever-a, but don't-a you think you're being a bit hard-a on them?" asked Mario, looking at Ivysaur and Charizard.
"Is that any of your business, guy?" asked Squirtle.
"No-a, but-"
Squirtle pounced on Mario, and began spraying him with water.
...
"What possible harm-a could that inflict upon me-a?" asked Mario, raising an eyebrow.
Fox's jaw dropped, and he gaped at Mario, clearly horrified.
"M-Mario, look again!" alerted Fox.
Mario looked all over himself. "What is it, Fox-a?"
Fox pointed a shaking finger at Mario's hand.
Everyone else glanced down at Mario's hands, and a smirk crept across Squirtle's face.
"Mario, that turtle just gave you-" began Link.
"PRUNE FINGERS!!" yelled Pit girlishly. "Those wrinkles could leave unsightly marks! You need some of my special moisturizer, it's good stuff, got seven different types of essence in one small bottle!"
Pit pulled a small bottle out of the pocket of his robes, and showed it to everyone.
"..." everyone said. Ivysaur even woke up lazily to stare at Pit.
"...I'm not gay!" Pit said quickly.
"It's okay!" consoled Pokemon Trainer. "Lots of people find it hard to admit personal truths to their friends!"
"They're not my friends," replied Pit.
"Well I'm sure if you come clean, and out of the closet, they'll open up to you in return and you'll feel a special bond that will keep you united with the Super Smash Brothers through thick and thin!" smiled Pokemon Trainer.
"Yeah, you're right!" grinned Pit. "Hey everyone! I'm gay!"
Silence.
Everyone pointed and laughed at Pit.
"I'm going back in the closet..." sighed Pit dejectedly.
"Yeah, it's pretty fun in there," replied Ike.
"What?" asked Pit.
"WHAT?!" replied Ike, loudly.
"Did you just imply you're a closet hom-" began Pit, before Ike threw a glass trophy at him.
"Gasp!" said Yoshi. "That's another Assist Trophy!"
"Assist Trophy?" asked Charizard. "Is that some bogus 'Key Item' this insufferable brat will attempt to use on either myself, Ivysaur, or the other one to 'unlock our potential' or some crap?"
"No, they just summon people Sakurai hates," replied Kirby.
The Demon from Devil World appeared.
"It's the Demon from Devil World!" cried Pit.
"Wait, another obscure old game..." mused Pikachu, muttering to himself.
Wario stormed back into the castle.
"Now, tremble fools, for I, the great Wa-"
Wario was set on fire by the Demon.
"So was Dr. Wright...from an older title..." continued Pikachu.
The Demon began gathering molecules from the castle roof.
"Wait, is this causing molecular relocation?" Samus asked.
DK shrugged. "I dunno, but this does seem familiar!"
"Which means...this must be the Anti-Wright! Born after Tamagon himself impregnated the Virgin Stanley the Bugman! Come to rule over eternity for ten thousand years of darkness!" cried Pikachu suddenly.
"What?" asked Donkey Kong, confused.
"He's the Dr. Wrightism equivalent of Satan! No, worse, Jack Thompson!" said Pikachu. "The great skyscraper provider's sworn nemesis from the seventh layer of pre-owned games!"
"I repeat, what?" asked Donkey Kong, confused.
"AND I CAN'T LET HIM LIVE," said Pikachu bluntly, taking out a Super Scope and charging up.
The Demon continued grunting, as the stream of disappearing molecules got dangerously close to the Smashers' heads.
Mario, Link, and Samus looked on in horror.
Kirby and Yoshi quivered in fear.
DK ate a banana.
Fox, Ike and Pit traded fashion secrets.
Pokemon Trainer lectured his Pokemon on passitivity and indifference.
Zelda stabbed Pokemon Trainer.
"THIS IS FOR THE MESSIAH, DR. WRIGHT!" raged Pikachu, as he poked the Demon in the shoulder.
The Demon died, from Pikachu's holy touch.
"What the fu-" asked Fox, but Pikachu interrupted.
"I'm magical...I'm the chosen one!" proclaimed Pikachu jubilantly. "Dr. Wright has seen that I am worthy of his teachings!"
"Someone shut him up," ordered Link.
"Yay, I finally get to do something!" smiled Zelda, stabbing Pikachu with a rusty syringe.
"I'm sad now..." said Pikachu somberly.
"Speaking of sad, let's prowl through more of Ike's stuff!" declared Yoshi.
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Ike angrily, before he noticed what box Yoshi was digging through. "No, Yoshi! That's my...um...experimental box...from college!"
Yoshi emerged from the box with a sticker.
"Hey, I could slap this on my notebook, or my skateboard!" cheered Yoshi, showing off the sticker proudly.
"They're not those types of stickers!" cried Ike.
"Why, whatever do you mean?" asked Yoshi innocently.
...
Suddenly, Yoshi's eyes widened, and his pupils became dilated and unfocused.
"Ike, you irresponsible loser!" screamed Samus. "Fix Yoshi, now! Who knows what kind of horrific things he could be seeing!"
Yoshi was light as a feather, flying through space in complete ecstasy. Get it? Ecstasy? Heehee.
"Ike...fix...horrific things..." came a voice.
Yoshi looked around for the source of the voice, and saw Samus Aran, clad in her Zero Suit, floating towards him.
"Yoshi, please wake up," said Samus.
"NO!" cried Yoshi. "I'm happy in this world!"
"What are you talking about?" asked Samus. "We're in a dingy castle in the middle of nowhere!"
"No, we're floating through space!" replied Yoshi.
Two puppies floated past Yoshi's eyes.
"Don't you see?" asked Yoshi.
"That was dust!" argued Samus.
"No, they were puppies! And here's that Goroh guy I got told about...and a Pianta on a Dice Block...we all live together in the magical fun space!" grinned Yoshi, seeing them float before his eyes.
"Haaaagar wurd," moaned Yoshi, high.
"What are you talking about?" asked Samus, interpreting Yoshi. "We're in a dingy castle in the middle of nowhere!"
"Nooooooooo, fltung troospais," mumbled Yoshi. "Dent juicy?"
"That was dust!" argued Samus.
Yoshi mumbled something else.
"Well, great job Ike, Yoshi's wasted out of his mind," Samus said angrily, turning to face Ike.
"Hey, he was the one going through my stuff," Ike said meekly.
"Well I think you should be more responsible!" snapped Samus.
"Not again..." moaned Link.
"Now, now, that's no way to support your friends!" reprimanded Pokemon Trainer pleasantly.
Ike punched Samus in the face.
"Oh, well, I'm at a loss for words," said Pokemon Trainer.
Bowser punched Samus in the face.
"Bowser-a?" asked Mario. "Where did you come-a from?!"
"Oh, um, yeah, Wario left your door open, and we kinda just hang around outside at this point," admitted Bowser.
"Oh, okay-a," replied Mario, nodding his head.
"Well, leave Samus alone!" grunted Ike. "Can't you see I'm trying to engage her in another tussle?"
"No, I prefer ruining other people's fun," answered Bowser, throwing Samus out of the window.
Samus furiously ripped off her armor in mid-air ('cause she's just that badass) and used her Plasma Whip to latch onto the window ledge and bring herself back into the castle.
"Oh, damn it all!" complained Bowser. "I'll try to kill you all some later time!"
"Way to stay positive, evil guy!" smiled Pokemon Trainer, giving Bowser a thumbs-up and a gift basket.
Bowser flipped the Trainer off while storming out the door.
"Why do I have such bad luck?" Bowser asked himself, heading off to the secret clearing where Meta-Knight and Wario would be waiting for him. "If only I had one of the heroic Smashers to use as leverage, to gain an upper hand!"
"You mean like me?" asked Princess Peach.
"Peach?!" cried Bowser loudly, smoothing his hair nervously. "H-how have you been?"
"I've been good, Mr. Bowser!" smiled Peach.
"That's excellent..." trailed off Bowser, staring at Peach's face intently.
"Have you seen Mr. Mario or any of the others?" asked Peach cheerfully.
Bowser scowled, but quickly covered it up by putting on a bad French gentleman accent.
"Why, he's right over there, mes amour," simpered Bowser frenchly, pointing to the castle.
"Is that even correct French?" Peach asked suspiciously.
Bowser's eyes darted from side to side, before he cried, "I love you! I want to marry you and buy a suburban house with you and have kids and grow old together and be buried next to you on some lonely cliff overlooking the sea when we die and we can spend eternity together as one beautiful being, okay?!"
Bowser panted heavily, shaking.
Peach had already left.
"Dammit!" grunted Bowser.
Bowser heard a far-off cry of "Mr. Mario, it is you! The turtle jerk who keeps stealing me was right! I'm so glad to see you! I love you!"
Bowser burst into tears.
Drugs. Religion. Passivity. Indifference. Homosexuality. Love. Incorrect French.
These are just some of the reasons why you should leave a review of constant praise for me and my story, people!