A/N: Hi everyone, I hope you all had a fun, safe Halloween! We dressed up our little pumpkin and she was adorable. I am back to work as of this week, so I fear I'll have even less time to spend writing. I promise I'm still working on it, though, as often as my hectic schedule allows. It truly is my sanity some days, and I'm going to do my best to get a chapter out at the very least every other week. Thanks for all your patience, and all the reviews and well wishes. You guys are the sparkle to my vampire. :)
Thanks again to shasta53 for catching my mistakes and helping this flow! (Hope you approve of my added Jacob moment...)
Scent – EPOV
"Is this really necessary?" she asked for the third time in under five minutes. It was taking longer to get out the door than I'd anticipated, and I was risking possible werewolf exposure if she didn't let me leave.
Bella was practically pouting when we finally said our goodbyes at the door. As grateful as I was that Jacob had agreed to help us find our mysterious unwanted guest, it didn't mean I was willing to be in the same room as him.
"It's not that I feel any personal antagonism toward him, Bella," I explained, though I knew it was only partly true. "It's just easier for both of us. I won't be far away. You'll be safe."
"I'm not worried about that," she said sulkily.
I smiled, thrilled by the idea that even one afternoon apart seemed like too much for her. When I thought of Jacob getting to spend time with Bella when what she and I really wanted was the rest of the day alone, I decided the least I could do was leave him with a little reminder of my presence. I reached out to take her hand and pulled her into my arms, breathing in the luxurious scent coming off every strand of her hair. And as I breathed her in, I let my own breath wash over her.
In the little time I'd spent around Jacob, I'd discovered something that seemed to be inherent in our respective genetic makeups, reflecting the way we felt about each other. I couldn't be sure exactly what we smelled like to the wolves, but based on the revolting stink that seemed to saturate them, I assumed it wasn't pleasant. It may have been petty, but I hoped that aside from reminding him that Bella had spent the morning in my arms, it would serve the dual function of deterring him from wanting to get too close to her.
Bella shivered slightly as I pulled away and I worried for a moment that my icy breath had chilled her. However, the hazy look that had taken over her eyes assured me it was the good kind of shiver.
"I'll be right back," I said, laughing as I pictured the look on Jacob's face when he inevitably pulled her in for a hug.
"What's so funny?" she asked, but of course I would never admit to having given in to such a childish prank.
Although I considered staying nearby long enough to hear his response, in the end I decided I'd acted immature enough for one day. Besides, if I stayed for five minutes, it would be too easy to stay the whole time, and I had already decided to venture a bit closer to the treaty line in an attempt to pick up any trace of the intruder.
It was a quick run toward La Push, and although Jacob had said he'd talk to Sam about allowing us greater access for the sake of the hunt, I didn't want to cross the line unless I needed to. I scoured the surrounding areas but came up short, as I'd expected. There was nothing but the normal variety of wildlife – and the general smell of wet dog, but that was to be expected, given where I was.
I wondered how long Jacob was planning on staying. I'd only been gone about a half an hour, but I was already anxious to get back. I decided to head back to Bella's but promised myself that if he was still there I would wait patiently, and at a respectable distance, until he was ready to leave.
As I passed Bella's mailbox, I stopped to see if any college acceptance letters had arrived. I had no doubt that she would have her pick of schools, should she decide to try college out for awhile. All I could do was hope that one of them was appealing enough to make her want to delay her change for a bit longer, though nothing had sparked even the slightest bit of interest so far. Still, I was thrilled to see a large envelope from Dartmouth, one of the schools I took the liberty of applying to for her. Maybe once she was actually holding the letter in her hand, she would realize the possibilities.
Tucking the letter inside my pocket, I made my way up to the house. Much to my amusement, the first thing I heard when I stepped onto the porch was, "Ugh, your hair stinks worse than your room."
I smiled to myself, not only entertained by his response, but happy to know it was the first time during their visit he had been close enough to notice. I listened quietly as they joked about the smell, and was startled when Jacob abruptly told her, "See you around, Bells."
"Are you leaving?" she asked. The sadness in her voice tugged at my heart. I wanted to give her everything that made her happy, but it was difficult to accept that sometimes he was what she wanted.
"He's waiting for me to go," he explained. "I can hear him outside." Just couldn't stay away, could you? he added silently.
It was hard to get used to the idea that Jacob could hear my presence as well as I heard his. At least he couldn't hear my thoughts, although I suspected he knew the general idea. Just as he was about to leave, he paused, his thoughts growing patronizing.
Hey, you don't mind if I borrow your girlfriend for the evening, do you? We already decided I can keep her safe, so no big deal, right? You know, assuming you can stand to let her out of your sight for longer than a half an hour.
I bit back the growl rising in my throat as he extended the official invitation to Bella – a bonfire on the beach. I knew I had no right to ask her not to go. All I could do was listen to whether or not she would accept.
"C'mon, you think somebody's going to get past all – all six of us?" Jacob urged when she hesitated.
"I'll ask," she said, obviously torn, but for what reason? Was she finally showing an ounce of concern for her well being, or was she worried about what I would say if she told me she wanted to go?
"Is he your warden, now, too?" Jacob scoffed. "You know, I saw this story on the news last week about controlling, abusive teenage relationships and – "
"Okay! Time for the werewolf to get out!" she yelled, making me smile.
"Bye, Bells. Be sure you ask permission," he said. I know you're listening so just... could you please let her come and don't make her feel bad about it?
The sincerity I heard shocked me. He was asking me to allow her to visit – not making a snide remark about controlling her or trying to goad me into it, but actually asking me. I'm not sure what my expression showed when I walked into the room, but before Bella had even seen me, it changed. I was distracted by an overwhelming scent; familiar, although something about it was off. It confused me for a moment, but then I saw the bloody knife on the counter. Ah. Werewolf blood. Here I thought I'd arrived in time for all the fun, but it looks like I missed the real excitement. Maybe he had tried to get close to her earlier and she was making her feelings about it known.
I sighed. Wishful thinking, I'm sure.
"Did you two get into a fight?" I asked.
"Edward!" she said excitedly, closing the distance between us in seconds and throwing her arms around me.
"Hi, there," I said, returning the embrace. It was good to know that no matter how disappointed she'd seemed to be when Jacob left, it was nothing compared to the enthusiasm she showed at my return. "Are you trying to distract me? It's working."
"No, I didn't fight with Jacob. Much. Why?"
"I was just wondering why you stabbed him. Not that I object," I teased, motioning toward the knife.
"Dang! I thought I got everything." She sounded so apologetic, I wondered if I should explain that smelling wolf blood had precisely the opposite effect as smelling human blood. It if was possible for a vampire to get sick, that would be the scent that would cause it. Before I could say a word, she was at the sink scrubbing away at it.
"I didn't stab him," she said. "He forgot he had a knife in his hand."
"That's not nearly as fun as the way I imagined it."
"Be nice," she warned, though there was a hint of teasing in her voice.
Good or bad, I'd had enough of any conversation involving Jacob, so I decided it was time to unveil what I thought was a very exciting acceptance letter.
"I got your mail," I said, feigning nonchalance.
"Anything good?"
"I think so."
I hoped as I handed her the letter, that seeing it, actually holding it in her hand, might make her just the slightest bit excited.
"Dartmouth? Is this a joke?" she asked incredulously. I just sighed and tried tactic number two; reminding her that we would be there together. She always said that was all she cared about.
"I'm sure it's an acceptance. It looks exactly like mine."
"Good grief, Edward – what did you do?"
"I sent in your application, that's all." No need to mention what Carlisle did. The school of medicine now had significantly more scholarship money available for incoming students. He hadn't even blinked. He'd been happy to do it, whether Bella ended up attending the school or not.
"I may not be Dartmouth material, but I'm not stupid enough to believe that."
"Dartmouth seems to think that you're Dartmouth material," I said, smile fixed firmly on my face. It didn't matter how she got in. If it was what she wanted, that's where she would go. I had no doubt in her abilities, and if she needed a little extra help with the class load, that's where I came in. I could tutor her in any subject she decided to take. I loved the idea that all my time attending college after college would actually go to some use, other than to occupy my endlessly bored mind.
"That's very generous of them," she said slowly, like the words were causing her physical pain. "However, accepted or not, there is still the minor matter of tuition. I can't afford it, and I'm not letting you throw away enough money to buy yourself another sports car just so that I can pretend to go to Dartmouth next year."
I hated that she still thought I was doing all this so that she could simply pretend to go to school. Why was she so opposed to trying it out for a year? Most high school seniors couldn't wait to get to college and experience the freedom of finally being on their own. Of course, I'd always known there was nothing usual about Bella's reaction to normal human events and life changes.
"I don't need another sports car. And you don't have to pretend anything. One year of college wouldn't kill you. Maybe you'd even like it. Just think about it, Bella. Imagine how excited Charlie and Renee would be..."
And suddenly, for the briefest of moments, I saw a touch of wonder in her eyes. Although it faded almost as quickly as it had appeared, I knew then that I'd found the key to my last shred of hope. Maybe she would never consider staying human longer for herself, but for her parents...
"Edward, I'm worried about living through graduation, let alone this summer or next fall," she said, interrupting my moment of happiness. The look of joy and anticipation for the life I so wanted her to have was now replaced by one of fear. I was determined not to let her make the choice that would forever steal her humanity because she was afraid. How could I ever live with myself?
I pulled her into my embrace, wishing she would believe me when I swore to keep her safe. Unlike me and the rest of my family who had no other choice, Bella was a healthy – if not a bit unfortunate – girl, with the rest of her life before her.
"No one is going to hurt you," I promised. "You have all the time in the world."
"I'm mailing the contents of my bank account to Alaska tomorrow," she said stubbornly. "It's all the alibi I need. It's far enough away that Charlie won't expect a visit until Christmas at the earliest. And I'm sure I'll think of some excuse by then. You know, this whole secrecy and deception thing is kind of a pain."
She looked up at me with a tiny smile. I knew she was trying to make a joke and keep the subject light like she always did, but her teasing words were too near the truth. She had no idea how difficult it was, living the way we do, never allowing yourself to get too close to anyone for fear of discovery.
"It gets easier," I said bitterly, finding it harder than usual to hide my displeasure. "After a few decades, everyone you know is dead. Problem solved."
The miserable expression that took hold of her made me instantly remorseful. Although it was something she would inevitably have to think about, there was a better time and place to bring it up, and certainly a more tactful way.
"Sorry, that was harsh," I apologized.
"But still true," she said, her eyes vacant and glazed over. Inexcusably, I took advantage of her moment of sorrow.
"If I get this resolved, whatever it is we're dealing with, will you please consider waiting?"
"Nope."
"Always so stubborn."
"Yep."
Her washing machine made a loud sound in the otherwise quiet room, and she mumbled, "Stupid piece of junk," as she reluctantly left my arms.
"This reminds me," she said as she adjusted the towel. I could still smell a faint trace of wolf blood on it. "Could you ask Alice what she did with my stuff when she cleaned my room? I can't find it anywhere."
That surprised me. Alice wasn't exactly compulsively clean, and I couldn't imagine her voluntarily cleaning Bella's room. Raiding it and throwing out all clothes she deemed unacceptable, perhaps, but not cleaning.
"Alice cleaned your room?"
"Yeah, I guess that's what she was doing. When she came to get my pajamas and pillow and stuff to hold me hostage." She was glaring at me now, but my mind was already somewhere else. I was sure if Alice had been bothered enough by Bella's room to clean it, she would have said something to me, or at least allowed her mind to wander to it at some point. "She picked up everything that was lying around, my shirts, my socks, and I don't know where she put them."
It took about five more seconds for the pieces to come together, and when they did, I felt like an absolute fool for not having realized it sooner. I should have thought to ask if anything was missing the moment we knew someone had been in her room.
"When did you notice your things were missing?" I asked, though I was certain I already knew the answer.
"When I got back from the fake slumber party. Why?"
"I don't think Alice took anything. Not your clothes, or your pillow. The things that were taken, these were things you'd worn... and touched... and slept on?"
"Yes. What is it, Edward?" She still didn't understand, and I hated that I had to say the words out loud. The idea that this intruder actually had her things made me furious, and I could only imagine the sense of violation it would bring to Bella.
"Things with your scent," I said softly.
"Oh!" she gasped, her eyes widening. She watched me in silence while the gravity of what that meant sunk in, and after a few moments, she whispered, "My visitor."
"He was gathering traces... evidence. To prove that he'd found you?" I wondered. It would make sense if it had indeed been a member of the Volturi checking to see if she was human, but I still had my doubts that any of them were involved. No other scenario made sense, though. What other vampire would take along items that smelled like a human, especially one with a scent as sweet as Bella's? Why would they torture themselves like that?
"Why?" she finally asked, and I wished I was any closer to an answer for her than I'd been when the whole mess started. If anything, I was more confused.
"I don't know," I admitted dismally. "But, Bella, I swear I will find out. I will."
I pulled her close again, hoping she could feel the absolute promise in my voice.
"I know you will," she whispered, her soft cheek pressed tightly to my chest. I could feel her heart beating frantically against me, though she was clearly trying to exude a calm confidence. Her faith in me was overwhelming. It made me all the more determined to solve this mystery quickly, and once again put her fears behind her.
A few minutes later, my phone vibrated, breaking our shared moment of peace.
"Just the person I need to talk to," I said when I saw Carlisle's number. "Carlisle, I – "
"Edward, have you seen today's paper? The situation in Seattle is getting out of hand. And it's not just the sheer volume of deaths, but the manner in which they're happening. They're very sloppy, Edward. Vicious, and with no attempt to hide the evidence."
"I'll check it out," I said, his words only partly registering. My attention was elsewhere. "Listen, I'm not quite sure yet what to make of this, but we just figured out that whoever was in Bella's room didn't leave empty handed."
"They took something of hers?" he asked, the concern in his voice obvious.
"Yes. Several somethings to be precise. Things that would have her scent all over them. What do you think it means?"
"It sounds like something the Volturi would do, but Alice remains confident it isn't one of them. And with none of us recognizing the scent, it seems very unlikely."
"That's the same conclusion I came to. I just don't know what to think, Carlisle. But I can't stand the thought of someone having her things."
"I know, I don't like it either. I'll fill Alice in on what you've told me. Now, Edward, I know you have a lot on your mind, but Emmett was thinking of making a quick run up to Seattle to see if he can find any pattern to the chaos. I know it's not our place or responsibility to interfere, but whoever is causing all this destruction isn't that far away, and if there's any indication they're heading this way, it's best we know about it beforehand."
"Maybe I'll go..." I said, but as I glanced toward Bella, her eyes still fearful, I couldn't see myself having the strength to leave her, even for a couple of hours. "Maybe not," I amended. "Don't let Emmett go alone, you know how he gets. At least ask Alice to keep an eye on things. We'll figure this out later."
"Of course. And you know Alice is always watching."
With that, I hung up the phone. Although it couldn't be the foremost thing on my mind, Carlisle's worried tone had made me curious. Always the picture of composure, it wasn't often he let his anxieties show.
"Where's the paper?" I asked Bella, still not sure how much I should share with her. Did I really need to give her one more thing to worry about?
"Um, I'm not sure. Why?"
"I need to see something. Did Charlie already throw it out?"
"Maybe..."
I ran quickly out to the recycling bin and fetched the paper. It only took a few seconds to find the headline Carlisle was talking about. My eyes scanned the article, horrified at how fast the murder total was rising. Even the most vicious of vampires with little to no regard as to whether or not he was discovered couldn't be the sole cause of so many deaths. Not unless he was purposely trying to get caught.
With a stab of pain, I remembered a time not so long ago when I had wanted to get caught breaking the rules. Of course I hadn't needed to kill anyone in order to be discovered. Even in my darkest of hours, I would never have taken an innocent life to ensure the end of my own. There are other ways.
Still, the idea that this was the work of a suicidal vampire was far-fetched. It seemed much more likely that they simply didn't know better.
"It's getting worse," Bella said. I hadn't realized she'd been reading over my shoulder.
"Altogether out of control," I said, more to myself than to her. "This can't be the work of just one newborn vampire. What's going on? It's as if they've never heard of the Volturi. Which is possible, I guess. No one has explained the rules to them... so who is creating them, then?"
"The Volturi?" she asked, panicked.
"This is exactly the kind of thing they routinely wipe out – immortals who threaten to expose us. They just cleaned up a mess like this a few years ago in Atlanta, and it hadn't gotten nearly this bad. They will intervene soon, very soon, unless we can find some way to calm the situation. I'd really rather they didn't come to Seattle just now. As long as they're this close... they might decide to check on you."
Her eyes were wide with terror and she looked paler than usual. "What can we do?"
"We need to know more before we can decide that. Perhaps if we can talk to these young ones, explain the rules, it can be resolved peacefully." Even as I said it, my words felt impossible. I couldn't imagine reasoning with a group of newborns who'd already proven they had absolutely no self control. "We'll wait until Alice has an idea of what's going on.... We don't want to step in until it's absolutely necessary. After all, it's not our responsibility." I didn't want it to end in a fight – we already had enough to deal with – and Carlisle hated the idea of killing anyone, even if they themselves were merciless killers. Cringing, I remembered how difficult it had been for him to admit that killing James was the only answer. Emmett, I feared, would be all too eager to take on a group of newborns. If the rest of us weren't there to reign him in, he'd probably already be in Seattle. His headstrong, confident nature was usually not a problem, but in this case, it made me nervous. He didn't fully understand what we were up against.
"But it's good we have Jasper," I said softly, grateful for the first time for his brutal history. "If we are dealing with newborns, he'll be helpful."
"Jasper? Why?" she asked.
I smiled, despite my trepidation. He would most likely be happy to know that his past was finally going to be good for something. "Jasper is sort of an expert on young vampires."
"What do you mean, an expert?"
"You'll have to ask him – the story is involved." Involved... and brutal. And therefore, censored. I, of course, knew every detail, and over the decades I'd lost track of what he'd actually spoken aloud and what I'd learned through inadvertent listening. I respected him and his privacy enough not to say much about his past for fear of revealing something he'd intended to keep to himself. He would never admit, not even to Alice, the extent to which the guilt still plagued him over the atrocities he was involved in, and how it was made worse for him every time he felt his self restraint weaken.
"What a mess," Bella mumbled. Exactly what I was thinking.
"It does feel that way, doesn't it? Like it's coming at us from all sides these days." My own guilt once again set in when I thought of all the different ways I was risking the life of the person whom I'd sworn to protect. If it wasn't vindictive vampires bent on revenge, or the werewolf whose arms I'd basically thrown her into, it was out of control newborns who happened to have chosen the northwest for their rampage. Okay, technically that wasn't my fault, but if it weren't for me, Bella would believe it was just some serial killer like everyone else. Instead, she had to live with the fear that came from knowing the truth. I sighed, hating how thoroughly I seemed to have disrupted her life.
"Do you ever think that your life might be easier if you weren't in love with me?" I asked miserably.
"Maybe. It wouldn't be much of a life, though."
"For me," I whispered, overcome by the unconditional love I saw when I looked into her eyes. It was more than I deserved. In that instant, I remembered what I'd overheard her talking to Jacob about. I'd taken so much from her, the least I could do was try to give her anything and everything that made her happy. No matter how insane it seemed to me.
"And now," I said, smiling with as much sincerity as I could muster, considering what I was about to say. "I suppose you have something you want to ask me?"
She looked genuinely perplexed. "I do?"
"Or maybe not," I said, smiling. Who was I to remind her if she'd already so conveniently forgotten? Be reasonable, give her what makes her happy... I reminded myself. "I was rather under the impression that you'd promised to ask my permission to go to some kind of werewolf soiree tonight."
"Eavesdropping again?" She didn't sound surprised, or particularly bothered. For some reason, that made me smile.
"Just a bit, at the very end."
"Well, I wasn't going to ask you anyway. I figured you had enough to stress about."
Yet again, she was giving me more than I deserved. I took a step closer to her until I could feel her heart pounding in her chest. I reached up to cradle her face and watched her eyes carefully as I asked the question I was sure I already knew the answer to.
"Would you like to go?"
"It's no big thing," she lied. "Don't worry about it."
"You don't have to ask my permission, Bella. I'm not your father – thank heaven for that. Perhaps you should ask Charlie, though."
"But you know Charlie will say yes," she said, a hint of a smile playing at her lips. I'd have to remember that smile while she was away, to remind myself why I was momentarily sacrificing my sanity.
"I do have a bit more insight into his probable answer than most people would, it's true." One of the most constant trends in Charlie's often confused mind was that Jacob was good, someone to be trusted. The peace that seemed to wash over him when he thought of Jacob and Bella being together was rivaled only by the concern he felt when he thought of her relationship with me. I felt certain I would never completely undo the damage I'd done by leaving her, at least as far as Charlie was concerned. I couldn't expect to, really. Not when I thought of what he'd been put through, taking care of Bella during those desolate months.
I watched as first confusion, then indecision washed over Bella's face. I knew she wanted to go, but she was finally considering my feelings on the matter, the way I'd wanted her to all along. It gave me even more confidence in my decision.
"Bella," I said, looking deeply into her eyes so she'd know I meant it. "I told you that I was going to be reasonable and trust your judgment. I meant that. If you trust the werewolves, then I'm not going to worry about them."
"Wow," she said, still watching me with disbelieving eyes.
"And Jacob's right – about one thing, anyway – a pack of werewolves ought to be enough to protect even you for one evening." I nearly laughed. I wondered if they realized keeping Bella safe was a full time job.
"Are you sure?" She was giving me an out, a guilt free escape that would keep her beside me instead of relinquishing her care to the wolves. I considered taking it, but the smile that was threatening to break through her expression reminded me that my first and foremost task was keeping her happy – I owed her that much after all she'd been through because of me.
"Of course," I said, my smile locked in place. "Only... " It was with great difficulty that I was entrusting her to Jacob's watch, something I was sure Bella was aware of, and I felt certain she would grant my few small requests. "I hope you won't mind taking a few precautions? Allowing me to drive you to the boundary line, for one. And then taking a cell phone, so that I'll know when to pick you up?"
"That sounds... very reasonable," she hedged, clearly waiting for the catch.
"Excellent," I said as calmly as I could manage. There was no point in letting her know I was screaming on the inside. No good could come from showing how miserable the idea of handing her over to a pack of immature dogs made me. She wanted to spend time with them, and I had no right to refuse. I'd left her, hurt her in the most inexcusable way, and I'd sworn that if it took my entire existence, I would make it up to her.
I just hated that my vow involved letting her go where I could not follow.
I listened with measured patience as Bella spoke with Jacob, explaining that I'd agreed to drive her to the boundary line and that I would pick her up when the bonfire was over. Though I tried not to listen to Jacob's side of the conversation, it was impossible not to hear the smugness in his tone.
Our meeting was set for six o'clock, so there wasn't enough time to unveil the surprise I had waiting for Bella at home. It was something that had been playing around in my mind since I'd heard about Bella's motorcycle escapades while I'd been away. Although I hated the idea of sanctioning more reckless behavior on her part, the moment I purchased my new silver motorcycle, I knew I'd made the right choice. She had downplayed it, but I could tell how much she'd enjoyed the exhilaration of riding, and I wanted to give that happiness back to her. And it would be even better now, because she would be able to ride for the pure enjoyment of it, rather than as a way of reconnecting with what she'd lost.
I had left her so broken that she'd felt the need to go to ridiculous extremes to hear my voice. I might have been more upset about her risking her safety for something so absurd, but if I had been able to conjure up a crystal clear hallucination of her, I too would have done anything to achieve it. I would have run around Volterra taunting the Volturi like a madman for one moment with my imagined Bella.
So, I put my nervousness aside – after all, I would be there to catch her before she could hurt herself – and decided to buy myself a bike so we could ride together. I felt a small twinge of guilt when I thought of how greatly Charlie would disapprove of her being back on a motorcycle, but honestly, there weren't many of his rules I wasn't breaking, so why not add one more to the list?
There was one very important difference, however, between when Jacob had taken her out and what I was planning. It actually made me furious that he hadn't insisted on it from the beginning of their insane recreational activities. Along with my bike, I'd also purchased Bella appropriate riding attire, including a top of the line motorcycle helmet. Not that I intended on letting her fall, but still, there was no reason to take any chances.
I'd allowed my mind to wander as Bella finished her conversation with Jacob, and I realized with a start that she was now talking to me.
"Do we have time?" she asked.
"I'm sorry, love, my mind was somewhere else."
"It's okay. I was talking to myself more or less. I'm just used to you hearing everything, whether I think you're listening or not," she said with a tiny smirk. "I wanted to know if we have time to go back to your place and pick up my motorcycle. Since I'm not exactly using it these days, I figure I should give it back to Jacob. Maybe he can sell it and make some money. I feel terrible, all the time he put into those bikes, and now we can never ride together anymore."
My heart sank at her dejected expression and the tone in her voice. I don't know why it had never occurred to me before that moment. The idea of riding with me wouldn't thrill her the way I'd intended it to, because it wasn't about the bikes. It was about Jacob. This was something special she'd shared with him.
I nodded solemnly, feeling like a complete fool, and we drove in near silence all the way to my house. As we entered the garage, it was too much to hope that she wouldn't think anything of the silver motorcycle sitting next to her own. Although fast cars were something of a fascination to myself and my family, Bella knew none of us had any particular interest in motorcycles. There was no mistaking the purpose of this bike.
"What is that?" she asked, eyes wide.
"Nothing."
"It doesn't look like nothing."
I forced a smile, determined not to let her know how disappointed I was. "Well, I didn't know if you were going to forgive your friend, or he you, and I wondered if you would still want to ride your bike anyway. It sounded like it was something that you enjoyed. I thought I could go with you, if you wished."
A look of unexplained sadness came over her as she stared at our bikes, and I wondered if I'd just unwittingly reminded her of the horrible time we'd spent apart. Just as I was about to apologize for making such a heinous mistake, she whispered, "I wouldn't be able to keep up with you."
Happy that this concern, at least, was one I could dispel immediately, I reached out to take her face in my hands. I touched her cheeks, her lips, willing her eyes to find mine so she could see how very content I would be riding with her, if it would make her happy.
"I'd keep pace with you, Bella."
"That wouldn't be much fun for you."
"Of course it would, if we were together."
She seemed lost in thoughts for a brief moment, her brow pulled together in concentration. Perhaps it hadn't been a mistake. Maybe I could give her this small joy once again.
"Edward," she finally said, "if you thought I was going too fast or losing control of the bike or something, what would you do?"
I paused, beginning to understand why riding with Jacob was such a thrill for her. With him, there was still an element of danger. Though I'm sure she knew he would never let her get seriously hurt, he also wasn't about to hurl himself out to catch her if she started to tip over. She knew as well as I did that I couldn't say the same for myself.
"This is something you do with Jacob," I said, trying to smile. I wouldn't let her feel guilty. "I see that now."
"It's just that, well, I don't slow him down so much, you know. I could try, I guess...."
She was trying to make me happy, humoring me and nothing more.
"Don't worry about it," I said, laughing when I realized exactly what I was going to do with it. Alice must have already seen this coming. It would explain why she was so eager to help me pick out which bike to purchase. She wasn't shopping for me. She was shopping for Jasper. "I saw Jasper admiring it. Perhaps it's time he discovered a new way to travel. After all, Alice has her Porsche now."
"Edward, I – "
I kissed her quickly, unwilling to let her feel any remorse. The only reason I'd bought it was because I thought it would make her happy. If that wasn't the case, then there was no point in spending one more second thinking about it.
"I said not to worry," I assured her when our lips parted. "But would you do something for me?"
"Whatever you need."
I reached around her and grabbed the jacket and helmet I'd picked out. Just because she didn't want to ride with me, didn't mean she wouldn't want to ride at all. Although I hated that I wouldn't be there to catch her when she inevitably fell, I did feel marginally better knowing at least she would be better protected than in previous attempts.
"Please?" I asked when she eyed the helmet skeptically.
"I'll look stupid," she protested.
"No, you'll look smart. Smart enough not to get yourself hurt." I reached out to touch her face again, suddenly more aware than usual how fragile it felt in my hands. "There are things between my hands right now that I can't live without. You could take care of them."
"Okay, fine. What's the other thing?"
"It's a riding jacket," I said, laughing at the things humans had to use to protect themselves. I guess there were a few advantages to being a vampire. "I hear road rash is quite uncomfortable, not that I would know myself."
Reluctantly, she put the helmet on and shrugged into the jacket. It was such a different look from her normal attire, and the scowl on her face as I zipped her up made her look oddly ferocious – or at least ferocious for Bella. I grinned at the image before me. My sweet Bella, glowering at me from inside a sea of thick, black leather.
"Be honest, how hideous do I look?" she asked.
I stepped back to really take her all in. It was the first time she didn't appear entirely breakable, and for the briefest of seconds, I imagined her as I was – strong, powerful, unstoppable...
I quickly stopped that train of thought. What was wrong with me?
"That bad, huh?" she asked, and I realized she was still waiting for a response. There was no way I was telling her what had just passed through my thoughts, so I tried to put it the best way I could.
"No, no, Bella. Actually..." I paused. There was no other way to say it. Though it pained me to think of her losing her mortality, I had to admit I was attracted to that fierce, unrelenting image of Bella – strong and unbreakable, standing at my side. "You look... sexy."
"Right," she laughed.
"Very sexy, really." For once, it was easier that she wouldn't believe me. It saved me from having to explain why I was finding her particularly sexy at this moment.
"You are just saying that so that I'll wear it. But that's okay. You're right, it's smarter."
I pulled her close to me, laughing under my breath. After all this time, she still didn't see herself clearly.
"You're silly. I suppose that's part of your charm. Though, I'll admit it, this helmet does have its drawbacks."
I took off her helmet, letting her hair fall in waves around her shoulders. I kissed her, reminding myself as I did that she was still soft and fragile. For some reason I was finding it harder than usual to keep my kiss gentle. I tried not to think about the reason why as another image of Bella, pale skinned and hard as marble, assaulted me, unbidden.
"I suppose I have to let you go," I said as I pulled gently away from her.
"Oh, I don't really need to go," she answered, somewhat breathlessly.
"Now, don't start that. It's taken a great deal to convince myself to spend an evening apart from you. Don't tempt me to change my mind."
She looked at me like she was considering it, so I quickly shuffled us outside and into the car. I knew how much she wanted to go down to La Push tonight, even if in this exact moment she wasn't sure.
Bella was fairly quiet during the drive until she finally turned to me with the strangest expression.
"You know what this reminds me of? It's just like when I was a kid and Renee would pass me off to Charlie for the summer. I feel like a seven-year-old."
I had to laugh, but decided not to comment. We were getting closer to La Push and I needed to keep myself focused and calm if I was going to get through the exchange. I heard Jacob before we saw him, and even though he was getting his way, his bitterness hadn't lessened. I couldn't understand it. After all, he and Bella were about to spend the evening together with me nowhere in sight, not able to come near her no matter how desperately I wanted to, leaving him more or less in charge of how long the evening the lasted.
Still don't understand what he's playing at, he thought just before we came into view. Oh, great. His posture stiffened when he saw us and I could hear him trying to block his mind from me. He started thinking about inconsequential things, his obvious irritation at my talent seeping through the best of his efforts. He finally gave up when Bella waved at him warmly, smiling at her before sarcastically adding, thanks for letting Bella come out and play.
"Call me whenever you're ready to come home, and I'll be here," I told her when we'd parked. I was getting more nervous every second, but the happiness on Bella's face made it clear there was no turning back.
"I won't be out late."
Jacob waited, watching in confusion, as I unloaded Bella's motorcycle from my car.
Gonna let her ride with the big boys? he thought acidly. Though I see not without a bit of protection. What? You don't trust me to keep her in one piece? I did a pretty good job of it while you were M.I.A.
"Do you have it all?" I asked Bella, ignoring Jacob and trying to muffle the snarl that was threatening to rip through me.
"No problem."
The malice in Jacob's every thought multiplied the moment I leaned toward Bella. Although I was trying not to be as spiteful and petty as him, I succumbed to a moment of weakness, pulling Bella tightly to me and kissing her feverishly.
Filthy, disgusting, creepy as hell... how can she stand it?
Jacob worked quickly to try to silence his mind, but he was too far gone. I laughed under my breath as I released Bella from my embrace.
"Goodbye," I said softly, thrilled to hear her heart was racing. I wondered if he could hear it too. I wasn't sure exactly how acute their senses were. "I really do like the jacket," I added, grinning as she blushed.
She walked slowly away from me, almost as if she was giving me one last chance to rescind my offer. A wave of terror passed briefly but violently through me as the reality of who I was sending her off to hit me, but I buried it as swiftly as I could manage. I didn't want her night to be marred by feelings of guilt. Whatever suffering I was about to put myself through was my problem, not hers.
Because he loved making things as difficult as possible for me, Jacob narrated Bella's steps, telling me exactly what I already knew.
Almost to the line... what are you going to do when you can't come after her? Just a few more feet... it's out of your hands now, isn't it, bloodsucker?
I snarled quietly, unable to hold it in any longer but unwilling to upset Bella. Jacob just smiled as I got back into the car, watching, glaring..
"What's all that?" he asked, turning his attention to Bella when she was just a few steps away.
"I thought I should put this back where it belongs."
This time, his enthusiasm outweighed his desire to silently antagonize me. All I heard was a list of all the places he'd wanted to take Bella riding but assumed he'd never get the chance to. He wasn't taunting me. He was simply ecstatic.
Jacob didn't waste any time. The second Bella's foot crossed the boundary line, he scooped her up into an overtly showy hug.
All mine, he though wryly. My foot instinctively pressed down on the gas, reflexes twitching, wishing I could just go run him over, but I stopped when his mind silently added what he hated and what would keep me sane. For a few hours, anyway...
I'd had just about all I could take, so with that thought, I forced myself to drive away, leaving my only love with a creature I only knew how to hate. Still, deep within in me I could feel that she was safe. For Bella's sake alone, I would allow myself to be momentarily grateful for how deeply Jacob cared for her. His love, foolish and fruitless as it was, would protect her until she was back in my arms.