MIKE NEWTON THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns 'em all.

Name: Chopper Hair

Rating: K

Summary: How did Lauren get her new short hairstyle mentioned in New Moon? I'm just putting Stephenie Meyer's explanation [on her website, at New Moon FAQ] of how Lauren got her hair, into words...

Timeline: Between Twilight and New Moon

BONUS CHAPTER 2: Lauren Mallory

I picked out one of the lipsticks from the array. I was shopping at a mall in Port Angeles, for something to make me look good on Monday. Practically the whole school knew how badly I wanted to be a model. I noticed a big burly guy in a suit, wearing black-tinted glasses, stood somewhere far from me. I wondered whether he was a model scout.

The color of the lipstick I had picked looked quite nice, and I wondered how much it would cost.

"Hey...um...could you help me here?" I called out to the nearest saleswoman. She turned around with a look of irritation and walked over to me.

"What would you like?" she asked sullenly, chewing on her bubblegum.

"How much does this cost?" I asked her, brandishing the shell-pink lipstick under her nose.

She looked at me with distaste. "It'll cost you twenty-four dollars."

"Oh-"

"Miss, you wouldn't happen to be interested in pursuing a career in modeling?" the burly guy in the suit and glasses asked me in a French accent.

I nearly dropped the lipstick in shock. This was what I was waiting for my whole life! A chance at modeling!

"Y-y-yes..." I stuttered. Oh great, Lauren, what a totally amazing first impression! Don't stand there like a slob!

I straightened myself to my fullest height, and flipped my corn silk hair back in a graceful manner. I puckered my lips a bit to emphasize their sexy aura, and I tried to make my eyes look gorgey.

"Of course, I'm interested," I said smoothly, ignoring the now-amused saleswoman chewing on her bubblegum vigorously.

The agent with the accent smiled creepily. "You are lovely, mademoiselle. Perhaps you would tell me what your name is?"

I smiled sweetly and held out my hand. "I'm Lauren Mallory."

"You are a charmant mademoiselle, Miss Mallory," complimented the guy in the suit as he shook my hand. "My name is Gérard Jacques."

I giggled. "Oh, thank you!"

"Would you like to model a few shots for our agency?" asked Gérard Jacques. "You are pretty enough for that."

It took me my whole will to not scream in joy on that moment. This was exactly what I wanted!

"Of course," I said, feigning disinterest, though my hammering heartbeat said otherwise. "I would love to do that."

Just then, Monsieur Jacques glanced at my hair, with an odd look.

"I do not think that hair is good for your face," Gérard said slowly. "I think maybe, you should try a new hairstyle. Perhaps a pixie cut would look good on your face?"

I would do anything to appear on a gigantic billboard in New York, even if it meant chopping away all my lovely locks.

"Alright," I said. "I'll go to the salon and get a new hairstyle first thing tomorrow morning."

Gérard shook his head. "No...Maybe you should make it unique...something of your own making."

"Okay," I agreed. "When are the tryouts?"

"We will notify you when the dates have been set," said Gérard as he checked his expensive wristwatch. "But am afraid I will have to go now. Bonsoir."

"B-bonsoir," I murmured back, as if in a trance.

Time: Nighttime; at Lauren Mallory's house...

I was ready to scream. In an angry way, not the exhilarating way I felt when I talked with the model scout today.

I was in my bathroom at home, and it was nighttime. My scissors were in my hand and the mirror showed a frustrated girl with tear-tracks on her cheeks.

All my lovely hair lay on the cold tiles of the floor, in broken clumps. I had sheared them off in an attempt to get a new "unique" hairstyle, just like Gérard had suggested.

The result was alarming.

My hair resembled a yellow dandelion perched on my head.

"Lauren!" Mom hollered through the door. "The phone's ringing!"

"Who's on the phone?" I shouted back, not willing to show my hair in its current state to Mom.

I heard Mom speaking on the other line, and just when I was beginning to worry, Mom spoke through the door: "It's Jessica. She wants to talk to you about some concert."

"Tell her I'll talk with her later!" I replied, frantically snipping away at the stray locks on my head.

Mom started speaking to the phone this time, and I hoped sincerely that she had gone away this time.

When I was finished, I took a step back and appraised the sight in the mirror. My hair looked stylish now, free of the uneven locks of gold-yellow. Even though I accidentally overestimated the amount of hair at the back of my head and cut too much hair off to the extent of baldness, I looked hot.

The agents wouldn't be able to resist me, I thought with a smirk.

"Mom, did you get any phone calls this morning?" I asked as I sat down on the chair in the kitchen.

"Yeah," she replied, serving breakfast.

"Who was it from?" I asked, eagerly leaning forward.

My career begins today!

"Oh, it was Jessica," said Mom vaguely, brushing back a strand of hair. "She wanted to tell you something about Mike and Tyler getting caught by Chief Swan at night. And apparently, they were in their birthday suits." Mom tutted disapprovingly and continued serving breakfast as I sat, simmering in disappointment. Why hadn't the agency called?

Jessica could wait. Now all I wanted was the agency to call. Now.

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Note: This chapter was written in a hurry during 10:30pm, so I apologize if there are typos or any characters being OOC or any confusion...

Next chapter: What happened when Mike and Tyler got caught by Chief Swan/Charlie at night? And why were they in their birthday suits? What started that?