I'm very sorry for the sudden large gap between chapters, but I have exams every day for the next two weeks. I've begun a strict regiment of crying.
You can cry for me too, you know. All tears go directly to feeding my pets?! You won't be sorry!
Oh, right. Part three of writing like me. Um...well, to make the secret public, I, uh...make everything up on the spot.
That's right, all of the jokes, quirks you've come to love, character accents, Ike's personality, Luigi being hopelessly in love with Peach, Yoshi getting high, Pikachu worshipping Dr. Wright, and that one moment that really sucked and you secretly hated it? Made up three seconds before I typed it.
If it works for me, then it'll surely work for you guys. I mean, come on. Either I'm secretly a genius, or improv comedy rules. Most likely the second one.
And that concludes our lessons! You've been wonderful students, I've been a meh-ish teacher, go forth and write! (even though you already write better than me)
READ MY CHAPTER
Rebuilding
Chapter 17: The Real Enemies
The Smashers were adapting quickly to living in Indigo Plateau, finding it much better than Ike's castle. Even Ike.
"Hey, so if we've been through the transformations of this place..." mused Donkey Kong. "What form is this one?"
"Normal," replied Pokemon Trainer.
"Yes," piped up Pikachu. "Normal Pokemon are the abundant ones that don't fit into any other type."
"They're totally lame," quipped Squirtle. "Stuff like Rattata and-" Squirtle shuddered – "Jigglypuff."
"And Snorlax!" nodded Pikachu. "Seriously, who wants a Snorlax? They're so fat and stupid!"
"Yeah, well, your mom!" argued a small figure.
"Who the crap are you?" asked Pikachu bluntly.
"I'm a M-" began the Pokemon.
"It's a Munchlax!" proclaimed Pokemon Trainer.
"Yes, that..." sighed Munchlax. "And you've been talking about my ancestors! I'll have you know several Snorlaxes colonized Sinnoh several years ago, and they made the first Munchlax! And it evolved into Snorlax, and kept our species alive for generations!"
"So, you're not from Kanto?" asked Ike.
"That's right!" said Munchlax proudly.
"IMMIGRANT!" yelled Ike, pointing dramatically at Munchlax.
"Yeah-a!" agreed Mario. "You probably have some kind of stupid-a accent!"
"Yeah mac, I bets you talk real stupid-like," scoffed Diddy Kong.
"Well now, I resent your comments!" said Munchlax indignantly. "My people will not stand for this!"
A hand appeared from a crack in the ground, and punched through the floor.
Wario stepped out of the hole, bruised, bleeding, and angry.
"Daddy!" grinned Munchlax, hugging Wario.
Everyone gasped.
"Ooh, i-rony!" chuckled Pikachu.
"Wait, he's that evil guy! Wario!" remembered Fox after a short while. "We should beat him up or something like that!"
"Yeah! Yeah!" nodded Ike enthusiastically.
"Who's stupider, you be the judge..." Samus muttered aside to Peach and Zelda.
"Miss Samus, I have an Assister Trophy thingy!" revealed Peach, pulling one out from her pocket that she now has for deus ex machina purposes. "Should I use it now?"
"And heeeeeeere's our third contender!" replied Samus pointedly, snatching the Assist Trophy and throwing it at Wario.
A young, green-haired girl with robes and a sword appeared.
"My name is Lyn," said Lyn shyly. "Hello..."
Suddenly, Ike gripped his two-handed sword very tightly. However, he wasn't holding a weapon.
"Well, well, well..." smirked Fox, glaring at Ike. "Someone got a little crush on the Assist Trophy, eh?"
"It's because she's a girl," said Samus, disgusted. "Anyone could have seen Ike reacting this way from miles away. And for someone we've only known for six or so chapters, that's just sad,"
"She's pretty, very very pretty," mumbled Ike faintly, before falling over.
"Excuse me! Miss Lyn!" called Peach. "Would you please direct your helpful attack upon Mr. Wario?"
Peach pointed out Wario, and Lyn nodded nervously.
"Certainly, ma'am," said Lyn, crouching down.
"Oh, I bet this is killing you inside!" laughed Fox gleefully, pointing out Lyn's crouching figure to Ike. The latter let out a whimper and cried.
Lyn vanished.
"What the hell was that attack?" asked Zelda, outraged. "At least when I kill people I let others watch!"
Fox burst out laughing, while Ike sobbed hysterically.
Without warning, Lyn reappeared, and slashed Wario across the stomach. Wario flew out of the stadium and out of sight.
"My job has been done, ladies and gentlemen," said Lyn, bowing. "I'll be available from Assist Trophies at the third Smash Mansion,"
Lyn disappeared again.
"Show-off," scoffed Zelda.
Ike mopped up his tears.
"Ike, I know it's hard to see something like that without getting a chance to act," consoled Pit. "Just remember, I'll always be here if you need a hug. Or some kind words of sympathy."
Ike looked at Pit.
Pit looked at Ike.
"No, really, quit your bitching and hug me," said Pit.
Ike punched Pit in the face.
"I feel a little better..." admitted Ike.
A purple haze covered the stadium.
"Dark type transformation?" asked Pokemon Trainer. Pikachu shook his head.
At once, a storm of gray-ish purple beings swarmed the stadium, destroying the stands around the Smashers.
"Those-a are the things!" screamed Mario. "The things-a from my dream! Primids!"
"That's a lie, Mario," replied Link calmly.
"We are the Primids!" declared a Primid.
"That's the truth, Mario," agreed Link calmly.
"We are the ultimate beings of existence," said the Primid in charge monotonously. "We have heard that the Super Smash Brothers accept only the best. We were clearly mistaken."
Fox was chewing his own shoe.
"So it seems that we must simply destroy the Super Smash Brothers," continued the Primid. "You are an unworthy group of heroes and villains, and your existence is unnecessary."
"Damn," damned Pikachu.
"I never saw these guys in my dream..." mused Kirby.
"In thirty seconds, this stadium will be destroyed by our subspace bomb," said the Primid. "After intelligence told us that two Pokemon Smashers were killed by our hired mercenary and that a trainer with three Pokemon was headed to the Greil Kingdom-"
Pokemon Trainer's face whitened.
"-we felt that the Pokemon world as a whole should be terminated. And we have learned that in addition to the large group we have here, there are three more Smashers in the Pokemon world, all veterans of the last tournament."
"Who did you kill?" Pikachu and Kirby asked at the same time, anger showing in their little faces though they were both thinking of different Pokemon.
Without answering, the Primids deployed the bomb, the timer now reading ten seconds.
"Okay, what I'm about to do should make up for all the crap I've done with Bowser..." muttered Meta-Knight, inputting a code on the inside of his mask using his non-existent nose.
The Smashers all looked up into the sky, scared and worried. Indigo Plateau was about to be blown into oblivion, more than likely taking out the east of Johto and west of Kanto with it. Everyone was wondering who else was in the Pokemon world, and Kirby and Pikachu were wondering which two Pokemon had been killed. Pikachu's little brother, or Kirby's dearest friend? Pichu or Jigglypuff? Or maybe they'd both died and it had been Mewtwo who survived...
Kirby and Pikachu looked grimly at each other, knowing that at least one of them had suffered a heavy loss.
Suddenly, the Smashers were whisked away, and managed to watch safely as Indigo Plateau, central hub connecting Kanto and Johto, home of the original Elite 4, violently exploded.
"What happened?" asked Yoshi. "Where are we?"
"I saved us all," said Meta-Knight proudly. "Welcome aboard the Halberd, my battleship!"
"Hey, what's that tower?" asked Samus, pointing down at a large tower in a city in the middle of Kanto. A solitary green figure was curled in a corner, sobbing. "And isn't that...Mario, come look at this!"
Mario ran over to the window where Samus was and looked around frantically.
"That's Silph Co," said Pokemon Trainer, also running over.
"I don't see anyone there-a!" cried Mario desperately. "Is it a Smash-a Brother?!"
"I think it's your brother!" gasped Samus. Peach looked up intently.
Mario looked around frantically, but the Halberd continued to ascend, and Mario was too late.
"We've got unwanted company, Meta-Knight!" warned Kirby suddenly. "It's Wario again!"
"What?" asked Meta-Knight, irritated. "Dammit I wish he'd take the hint! I'm not on his side any more!"
Meta-Knight pressed a red button on the control panel, and the door of the Halberd glided shut on Wario's hand, forcing him off of the ledge.
"Still on it!" panted Kirby, pointing at Wario, who was standing on a guard rail and edging his way over to the cockpit's window.
"I can't do anything else!" said Meta-Knight. "If I fire any weapons at him, I'll take out my own ship!"
"I know what to do!" said Fox, taking charge. "Leave it to me!"
Fox grabbed the controls from Meta-Knight, and spun them around in a circle.
"Did he seriously just-" began Samus.
Wario fell off of the Halberd.
Everyone stared at Fox, their mouths open in awe.
Fox shrugged. "I did a barrel roll..."
On Mirage Island, the Wynauts who hadn't went to the fight were plotting a strategy.
"Wobbuffet got us their bomb before he died," said a Wynaut slightly bigger than the others. "We know that much."
"So where is it?" asked another Wynaut. "Didn't he bring it back here?"
"Well, no, he couldn't," replied the big Wynaut, rolling his eyes. "Because he died,"
"But the Primids are sure to come back any moment!" panicked the second Wynaut. "What if they find their bomb!"
The big Wynaut froze, and quickly beckoned all of the other Wynauts out of their clearing. None of the Wynauts were prepared for what they saw next.
A two-dimensional man and a Jigglypuff were (with great difficulty) holding up the Subspace bomb before a wary knot of Primids.
"Hey, grey things!" taunted Mr. Game and Watch to the Primids. "Check out our bomb! Back off or the island gets it!"
"They have the bomb!" cried the big Wynaut.
"It's our bomb!" roared a Primid.
"Actually," sneered Mr. Game and Watch. "It looks like it's my bomb now. And it's gonna stay mine until you tell me and my friend how to get out of here!"
"Ha! Two of you against a Primid army!" scoffed a Primid. "Primids, attack!"
Mr. Game and Watch smirked, and edged his hand closer to the detonate button.
"Don't do it!" cried the Wynauts.
Mr. Game and Watch's taunts had caused the Primids not to attack him and Jigglypuff, but to attack the last few Wynauts left on the island.
"Wha-dammit!" cried Mr. Game and Watch. "I screwed up!"
"No..." said Jigglypuff. "No you didn't. I'll save the Wynauts! I can beat the Primids!"
"Jigs, it's about fifty of those things against ten Wynauts and the two of us!" said Mr. Game and Watch. "We can't win without blowing up the island!"
"Maybe you can't," replied Jigglypuff determinedly.
"What are you talking about?" asked Mr. Game and Watch, confused.
"I'm a balloon, stupid!" laughed Jigglypuff. "That means I can do anything!"
Mr. Game and Watch sighed and rolled his sightless eyes.
"Watch me," said Jigglypuff simply, setting the bomb aside despite Mr. Game and Watch's protests.
Jigglypuff opened her mouth, and began sucking in air rapidly. To Mr. Game and Watch's astonishment, Jigglypuff inflated to over ten times her usual size.
"Leave this island, Primids. Never return," Jigglypuff commanded in a deep voice.
"Our savior!" cheered the big Wynaut.
Jigglypuff began expelling the air she had inflated, sending tornadoes flying all around the island. Wynauts dived in all directions to avoid them, but the Primids were overwhelmed by the sheer force of the wind.
"Begone," boomed Jigglypuff, still in a deep air-filled voice. She moved her arms to the left, and all of the airborne Primids flew to the left as the wind changed, ramming into trees and the sides of cliffs. Most of them died from these injuries, but Jigglypuff then moved her arms to the right, killing several more.
"No more...please..." coughed the final Primid.
Jigglypuff smiled evilly, and raised her arm, propelling the Primid up to eye level.
"You don't belong here," said Jigglypuff coldly in the deep voice. She swung her arm down, and the Primid rocketed towards the ground, leaving a bloody puddle at Jigglypuff's feet.
Mr. Game and Watch watched on in shock and awe.
"Hey, Meta-Knight?" asked Link. "Did you know there's a cardboard box on your ship with people hiding in it?"
"What?" asked Meta-Knight sharply, letting Fox pilot the Halberd. "Who's on my ship?"
Meta-Knight lifted the cardboard box, to reveal two little children hiding under it.
"Who the hell are you?" asked Meta-Knight, holding his sword cautiously.
The other Smashers who weren't Fox ran over to the box.
"Um, hi!" greeted one of the children. "I'm Popo!"
"And I'm Nana..." sighed the other one, smoking a cigarette.
"And we're the Ice Climbers!" smiled Popo, shaking Meta-Knight's hand. "We were in the last tournament!"
The adult veterans smiled proudly that Popo and Nana had survived, and Kirby, Yoshi, and Pikachu looked immensely relieved.
"How'd you get on the ship, guys?" asked Kirby eagerly.
"We landed in this weird castle after the blast," began Nana, but Popo jauntily interrupted.
"And this penguin with a really cool hammer knocked us out! We woke up in a box on this ship, and we heard Fox say something about barrel rolls, so we figured it was safe to be here!" smiled Popo.
"But then why did you stay hidden until I lifted the box?" asked Meta-Knight sceptically.
"We wouldn't come out ourselves, that'd just be rude!" smiled Popo.
"Who hides in boxes anyway?" scoffed Nana, rubbing her back. "It's uncomfortable, and we just felt so stupid,"
"Do you know who else survived?" asked Pikachu eagerly.
"We heard two Pokemon died," explained Yoshi.
Nana's eyebrows raised, and Popo's jaw dropped.
"That's horrible!" cried Popo sadly. "But we don't know who lived or who died!"
Kirby and Pikachu suddenly looked grim once more.
Nana lit up another cigarette. "You know, if Mewtwo died, that would be pretty ironic,"
"Means we're dealing with serious enemies here!" said Popo fearfully, looking out of the window at all of the destruction dealt to Kanto.
Everyone looked sadly at western Kanto's remains. By now Pallet Town had fallen – Pokemon Trainer was homeless.
"Well, looks like war's-a starting," surmised Mario. Everyone nodded solemnly.
Well, there you go! Since it's no secret that I base the events (loosely now, surely) off of some of the updates, and Snake's the week after this, the next few chapters will probably be entirely about the subplots (i.e. G&W/Jigs, Luigi, etc) so that it can all fit in...
Again, I have exams so chapters will take longer to come out.
Keep reading though, I heart you guys!
EXCEPT YOU. :C