MIKE NEWTON THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns 'em all.

Name:The Scout in the Italian Suit

Rating: K

Summary: Who was behind the model agency-Lauren thing?

Timeline: Between Twilight and New Moon

BONUS CHAPTER 4: Emmett Cullen

"Now say it again," commanded Rosalie.

"Charmant. Mademoiselle," I said obediently. Rosalie had wanted this oppurtunity to pay back Lauren for all those lustful looks she had shot in my way, and the malicious looks directed at Rosalie. In fact, Rosalie detested Lauren deeply, like she was some foul insect who happened to have the misfortune of having landed in Rosalie's bowl of Froot Loops.

Not that Rose has ever eaten Froot Loops.

Rosalie smiled approvingly, and patted me on the shoulder . She leaned in and place a light kiss on my lips. I leaned in for more, but she pulled away, smirking. I sighed internally.

"Okay, guys!" piped up Alice, clapping her hands to get our attention. "Let's go."

I took a last look in the mirror. I was wearing an expensive Italian suit, complete with cool glasses to hide my golden eyes. Alice had picked out everything for this totally awesome prank, and I must say, it all looked pretty much cool.

"Ready to go?" asked Rose, looking at me through her otherworldly-beautiful eyes.

I smiled. "Ready as ever."

The shop smelled like girly things -lipsticks, nail polish and shampoos et cetera. It was kinda odd, I had to admit.

I walked in, ignoring the lustful look directed at me from the cashier. I looked around and spotted the Mallory girl standing where the lipsticks were located at. The saleslady near her looked bored outta her mind, and she kept shooting suspicious looks at Lauren like she was gonna shoplift the place.

I then strutted over to where she was standing, and placed myself somewhere near her. I heard Rosalie swear profusely somewhere.

Lauren was so immersed in the lipsticks, she didn't pay much attention to me. But she did sneak glances at me occasionally. I wondered what she suspected I was.

"Hey," hollered Lauren at the saleslady nearby. "Um...could you help me here?"

The saleslady turned around and looked irritated, as if girls like Lauren called for her everyday.

"What would you like?" said the saleslady sulkily. She didn't stop chewing on her chewing gum.

"How much does this cost?" Lauren questioned her, shoving lipstick at the poor woman.

She glared at Lauren in disgust. "It'll cost you twenty-four dollars."

"Oh-" Lauren was interrupted when I decided to butt in, and start the prank.

"Miss, you wouldn't happen to be interested in pursuing a career in modeling?" I said in my best French accent.

Lauren gasped. "Y-y-yes..."

As if she was electrocuted, she stood still and swung her hair back really violently. I wouldn't be surprised if her hair fell off at the end of the day. I also noticed that she was pushing her lips out, like she wanted me to give her a smooch. Mega-gross. Oh, and why the heck did she look cross-eyed?

Oh, man.

"Of course, I'm interested," she said. I heard the saleslady giggle to herself, and the amused light in her eyes showed her opinion of Lauren clearly.

I smiled and said in my French accent, "You are lovely,mademoiselle. Perhaps you would tell me what your name is?"

"I'm Lauren Mallory," Lauren said as she held out her hand and smiled in a silly manner. Come to think of it, she looked kinda like a anorexic clown. Heh, that's an hilarious scenario!

"You are a charmant mademoiselle, Miss Mallory," I replied as I shook her hand. "My name is Gérard Jacques."

Again, Alice was the one who had come up with the name. Having seen the Pink Panther movies and a few Gerard Butler movies as well, she'd strung together the names Jacques Clouseau and Gerard Butler, and then wham! You get Gérard Jacques, with a little French twist.

Lauren giggled girlishly. "Oh, thank you!"

"Would you like to model a few shots for our agency?" I asked her politely in my accent. "You are pretty enough for that."

"Of course,"Lauren said, looking bored. Her heartbeat said the opposite. "I would love to do that."

I remembered her hair. Man, Rosalie would love this. I'm sure she would!

"I do not think that hair is good for your face," I emphasized. "I think maybe, you should try a new hairstyle. Perhaps a pixie cut would look good on your face?"

Lauren fell into my trap, like a fly caught in a spider's net.

"Alright," she agreed. "I'll go to the salon and get a new hairstyle first thing tomorrow morning."

Oh, no, not that way.

I shook my head and said, "No...Maybe you should make it unique...something of your own making."

Lauren nodded her head. "Okay. When are the tryouts?"

"We will notify you when the dates have been set," I told her, and purposefully pulled back my sleeve to show the magnificent wristwatch on my wrist. I heard the saleslady gasp in shock. "But am afraid I will have to go now. Bonsoir."

"B-bonsoir," Lauren stuttered, staring dreamily off into space.

Oh, man -she had utterly no idea what would happen. She'd spend, like, two years waiting for a call that would probably never come. Oh, and my hint had gone unnoticed.

I mean, I didn't give her a business card and she "forgot" to give me her number. Who wouldn't notice that, huh? Man, maybe she was as stupid Rosalie and Alice made her out to be. Maybe.

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