a/n: some crazyprickybastardyward for you! please let me know what you think

You Were Made To Go Out And Get Her

EPOV

"Ready to go?" I asked her as I came back through the door of the lounge area. I had went for a quick shower and got changed after telling Bella that I would drive her to get her truck in Port Angeles.

She looked up from her spot on the couch with a small smile on her face that didn't quite look completely genuine but I suppose I couldn't blame her, she had a bad nights sleep and it seemed as if she was having some difficulty processing it.

She sat there bundled up in my clothes that she had slept in, the baggy hooded top back on and my jacket that I had given her last night to wear.

"Is it ok if I wear your jacket, I'm a little cold and its wet outside." She shrived at the thought and I nodded.

She looked better than she did last night, she was wrapped up with layers and layers of clothes and she looked warm and she wasn't leaving herself open to passing perverts. I couldn't say no to that. It made me a lot more comfortable knowing she was dressed and warm.

She sat in the passengers side of the Volvo once again as we drove to Port Angeles. She was quiet as she looked out the window, she seemed to be in her own little world and I wondered if it was nice there or if there was something that was part of that world that caused her to act the way she did.

"What will you tell your dad when you get back home, he would have been worried about where you were." I was positive he would have, he was concerned about her at the hospital, I didn't see it as some act.

"He's not home, he's away fishing for the weekend." she whispered out.

Last night she told me she had to go home with me because her father would be mad if he saw her in the state she was in, that's why I let her come back to mine. She had lied. She lied right to my face and I believed her.

She took me for a mug.

"You said he would be mad if he saw you like you were last night." I reminded her of her lie.

I saw her nod her head a little as I continued driving. "I know. I'm sorry I lied."

Least she was admitting it and was apologizing. "Why did you lie?"

Why did she not just tell me the truth, why didn't she just go home? Did she want to get into my apartment, did she want to see if she could get to Alice through me?

She was quiet, I didn't know if she was thinking of her next lie or if she just didn't want to admit the truth.

I asked her again. "Bella, why did you lie?" I tried to be gentle but I was still pissed she lied.

"I didn't want to be alone. You pulled me away from that guy and you were going to leave me at my empty house."

Was she going with that guy last night just so she wouldn't be alone?

She sighed and it sounded so tired. "After the hospital the other day…my dad was going fishing with his friend but after what happened with the bike, they took his son with him, they think I'll…I don't know, lead him astray or something. I do something wrong, Charlie tries to give me a time out or something for the weekend and keeps my friend away. He went fishing, so he took Jake with him."

"Jake is your friend?" I tried to clarify.

She nodded again. "He's the only friend I have left after I wasn't allowed to see Alice."

I felt bad for her, she seemed so alone.

"Why don't you like being alone?" I asked her.

She never said anything, she only looked up at me as if I was completely stupid. I looked back at her at, it was the first time since we got in the car that we actually really looked at one another.

I could tell from her look she didn't want to be alone because she knew the nightmare was coming.

"Do you have a lot of nightmares?" I asked carefully.

"Do we have to talk about it?" she sighed heavily.

"The fact you lied to me; Yeh, we kinda do need to talk about it." I told her sharply.

"Would you have let me stay if I didn't lie and promise to tell you about Alice." I knew she was right. She would have been booted out my car on onto her front door step.

"Couldn't you just have told me the truth?"

She scoffed "And have you think I'm crazy, besides what if I didn't have a nightmare, you would have thought I was a liar then."

"As opposed to the liar I know you are now?"

She frowned and saw my point. "You wouldn't have listened…" she told me, sure of herself.

"Maybe not, but you wouldn't be a liar."

"Liar, slut, mad, drunk. Does it matter? People will believe what they want to. They don't want to bother with the truth because that's too real for them."

One thing I was sure of, Bella Swan was smart.

"What is the truth?" I asked gently.

She leaned her head against the door and closed her eyes. "It's something people don't want to hear."

We drove the rest of the journey in silence. I asked a few more questions but Bella ignored me.

I wanted to get angry and mad, shake the answers out of her but I knew it would do no good. Whatever was haunting her, she was keeping it quiet.

I wonder if Alice knew her secret, the two were close and Alice's co called "powers" might have picked up on her reasoning.

Could I call Alice and ask her? Would that even be fair to put her in that position or would it be fair to know something about Bella when she tried so hard to hide it.

I knew it would be better out in the open, but it was still up to her to make that decision herself. She needed to move forward, not be pushed over the edge.

Pulling up beside her parked truck she jumped out of my car, slamming the door closed and getting into hers in record time. She was in and had her door closed by the time I got out my own door and around to her truck door.

She never spoke as she got out, not a thank you or anything. Not that it mattered. I didn't want one. I was only concerned about her.

I knocked on her truck window and she rolled it down.

"Are you going to be ok getting home?"

"I can drive my truck." she told me flatly.

"I know, I just mean…" I sighed. "Are you going to be ok when you get home." Charlie still wasn't home and wouldn't be for the night and I was worried. I saw how she was as she slept and when she woke up. She was utterly terrified.

"I'll survive." she shrugged.

I wanted to ask if she really would. If she really would survive it?

Instead she started up the engine and reversed back and disappeared out onto the road.

Sitting back in my car I didn't know if I did the right thing. If I had done the right thing on letting her drive off home alone.

Something told me I would come to regret it.

But it was ridiculous, she was eighteen, she didn't need to be baby sat, she didn't need me to be looking after her.

I put the car into gear and headed for home. I still had an apartment to get into order.

I reached the apartment about an hour later. It felt so generic with the packed boxed and the sparse walls. It didn't seem as bad when Bella was in it with me, it obviously needed more bodies in it too look liveable.

Placing my keys down on the bubble wrapped coffee table, I made a start.

I took the box of clothes and placed them in my room, filling my walk in closet. The built in drawers and rails saved me a shed load of patience, not having to order that stuff. I filled the drawers with boxers, socks and some t-shirts. I hung the rest up, saving them from crushing. The cupboard was huge and my clothes didn't even take up a third of the space.

I tided my bed up and wondered if I should wash the covers. Bella had slept in it. It wasn't as if she was dirty, she wasn't, she smelled of lavendar and the covers still held her scent. It was nice in a kind of weird way. I left them, knowing I was putting too much thought into what other people would be thinking if they noticed her smell on them. She had slept in my bed - end of. Besides no one was going to find out. It was more than my jobs worth.

I went back through to the lounge and saw her skirt and t-shirt in a heap behind one of the boxes. They still belonged to her, I couldn't throw them away, as tempting as it was to chuck the skirt, I wouldn't.

I unwrapped the coffee table, tossing the bubble wrap to the side, knowing I would get it later.

I moved onto the "party box" as Bella called it and lifted it up. I didn't drink much. I did drink, I just did it when I was out with friends. I had most of this drink from my twenty-first but it just hadn't been drunk yet despite that being two years ago.

I walked over to the cupboard to put it in and when I opened it, the bottle of Belvidere was gone. The vodka was gone.

I had taken it out of Bella's hand last night and put it in here. She saw me do it.

I slammed the door closed again knowing fine well who had taken it.

I was so mad at myself for not being smart enough to her. She had snuck it out below all the layers of my fucking clothes, and it cradled right next to her as I drove her to her truck.

I thought I had been taken for a mug after the lie from last night. I felt like a total idiot now knowing she had screwed me over completely.

I had trusted her to wander around my apartment and she took advantage if that and stole from me. I didn't care about the damn vodka, it was the whole principle of the matter.

I reached for my car keys and headed for her house. I knew where she lived.

Charlie had lived in the same house all of his life and I couldn't in vision him moving while I had been away.

I ran down the path, determined to pull her up for this, for her to know exactly how I felt and to tell her exactly what I thought about her.

She would be laughing at me, her and some friend would be knocking it back having a good old time to there selves.

I was an idiot.

What would people think of me giving Bella swan the benefit of the doubt. They would be laughing at me.

I sped all the way to her house before I screeched on the breaks outside her house.

There was a light on up stairs and I guessed it to be her room. Her truck was also parked out side so I assumed she was still in. All I knew was Charlie was out, that he was away.

I rattled my fist off the door. Anger pumping through me.

I was mad. I couldn't seem to calm down. I was going to give her hell.

There was n o answer so I banged on the front door once again.

I gripped my hair, trying to keep a hold of myself. I had let her into my house, I let her sleep in my bed.

Fucking idiot.

There was no answer but I was sure she would be in. I wasn't going to start calling on her from the front door, her father didn't need to hear that when he got back and my father didn't need to hear about that either.

I tried the front door because I knew Charlie was gone and I was certain Bella was in.

It was open and I slowly opened the door, looking around the street out side. No one was around so I took my chance.

I crept in, I didn't know why I was being so quiet, I knew once I saw her a was going to start shouting at her.

But it was dark and some how I just seemed to prowl around silently.

I felt stupid, if I got caught sneaking around the Chief of Polices house I was going to get my ass arrested but I had to make her see what she did was wrong.

Beginning on the first stair, I made my way up, inching myself up against the wall in the darkness. Reaching the landing I saw a small strip of light poking below the door I presumed led to Bella's room.

I only hoped of my sake she wasn't screwing some guy in there.

I reached for the door hands and threw the door open.

Bella was laying out on the bed sleeping.

I gave her a hard shove to waken her. "Bella, get up, now." I practically screamed.

Looking down on the floor I found the bottle of vodka. It had about two thirds of it missing.

Had she drank all of that straight?

She lay on her bed, passed out in nothing more than the little boy shorts she wore the night before and my t-shirt.

I shook her, trying to waken her. "Bella." my tone becoming worried.

Her tiny body wouldn't be able to drink that amount of alcohol, it shouldn't be able too.

There was no response from her.

I felt panic sweep through me.

What had she been thinking?

She had done this on purpose.

I tried to waken her up by slapping her gently around the face. I couldn't make myself do it any harder. I was too scared in case I broke her, in case I hurt her.

"Bella, wake up." I begged her as I shook her again.

I check her vitals, they were all pretty good despite what she had done to herself but I couldn't leave her.

She was unconscious and she wouldn't wake up for a while.

I thought about taking her to the hospital but I would be pulled up for it. How do I explain how I found her. She has on my t-shirt for Christ sake.

I pulled at my hair, trapped.

I had no clue what to do. I would be sacked before I even begun at the hospital.

Looking around I saw my jacket, it lay at the foot of her bed and I picked it up.

I had to take her with me. I couldn't risk being found by the Chief of police in his daughters bedroom while she was passed out.

What the fuck was she pulling me into here.

I let out a groan in pure frustration of what was right and what was wrong.

I had to take her with me. I couldn't leave her, she might be sick and choke on her own vomit, her tongue.

Gently lifting her up I cradled her in my arms, her head falling back. I held on to her like a new born as I fought with my jacket, trying to wrap it around her.

I cradled her into me as I thought. I needed to get her out of here and into my car without anyone seeing. It was dark now though so I had that on my side at least.

Pulling her close into my chest I lifted her up and headed for the door, slowly climbing back down the stairs, I made it to the front door. Looking through the window at the side of the door I couldn't see anyone around. The street was empty.

I opened the door and quickly headed to my car as fast as I could praying no one would see me.

Opening the passenger door I slid her in and buckled her in before swiftly climbing into my side.

I could be getting my arse arrested for trying to save the Chief of polices daughter. I could only hope I wasn't spotted by anyone.

I drove straight to mine and I backed up the drive as far as I could to be covered by the shadows.

Sneaking in the shadows with a half naked gild in my hands - I had never felt so seedy in all my life.

I pulled her out, gently cradling her again, trying not to injure her, I fought not to hurt her arm anymore either as it hung by her side.

I reached the door and was thankful it wasn't a communal stairwell. I climbed them, and I felt her body temperature, she was cold and it was going to have to try to warm her back up again.

I thought about my joggers she had and the hooded top that she had wore earlier and that they must be in her bedroom some where.

Eventually I made it to my bedroom. I collapsed into the mattress with Bella still secure in my arms and still unconscious.

I could only let out a sigh that I hadn't been spotted. I was knackered. My nerves were on full alert, everything telling me I was crazy.

I was crazy, why was I helping this girl? She almost killed my sister, lied to me, stole from me…but there was still something…something about her, a riddle.

She was lost and she was broken and I wanted to help her, right now she was unconscious and still, I wanted to help her.

Was this how Alice had felt being with her, was she dragged along with her when all she wanted to do was help?

I slid myself up the bed and rested my back against the headboard all the time holding her tiny body into mine.

I should have tossed her onto the floor, the couch if she was lucky. But all I wanted to do was cradle her, watch over her constantly and I didn't know why.

I was still so mad at her for everything she had done, for everything she had done to Alice. I couldn't forget that.

Her breaths were shallow and even, her body was so consumed by alcohol it was the only thing she was capable of.

I brushed strands of her hair away from her face.

You wouldn't think she had done all she had, with the look on her face. She looked like an angel. Her perfect pale skin was flawless.

But she stunk of vodka. Her nice smell of lavender was gone, in its place was the reek of drink. It was disgusting. It snapped me back to reality, this is what Bella swan was; A reeking drunk liar.

The entire night I watched over her. I listened to her breathing, I watched the rise and fall of her chest and I pressed my fingers to her neck checking her pulse constantly.

She was warm, she was breathing and she was beginning to stir.

I had let her rest in my bed as I watched over her, I didn't even feel tired, every cell in my body was alive with panic and worry for this girl.

She began to retch in her sleep and I instantly grabbed hold of her, not caring to be gentle anymore, and dragged her through to the bathroom next door.

I let her slide to the floor as she slumped down towards the toilet, still all the time retching.

"You're sick, you do it in the toilet." I shouted to her.

Her trembling body reached forward, pulling herself up as she began to throw up.

"Yeh, it's a real attractive look, is this how you get all the guys?" I taunted her. She deserved it. I was so angry.

She pulled harder at the toilet as she began to empty her stomach for the second time.

Her cast arm digging into her stomach, no doubt in agony.

She was like a ball on the floor, she was a mess and she was pathetic.

Why did she do this to herself?

I couldn't even be bothered to ask her. I wouldn't have got much or a response with the condition she was in anyway.

Once I was sure she had finished throwing up I picked her up tossing her into the bath and turning on the shower.

She still wore her underwear and my t-shirt as she shivered in the lukewarm water as I tried to waken her up.

"It…It's cold." she complained as she tried to climb out from under the spray.

Her teeth chattered but she would warm up again.

"I don't give a damn, Bella." But I turned it off knowing she would have had enough and not wanting to harm her.

I threw a towel at her and she didn't even move, her cheek resting against the tub, her eyes closed.

I gave her a few more moments as I watched her but she still didn't move from the spot and she would have been getting colder. Her teeth were still chattering.

Having had enough I rubbed at her hair trying to get rid of most of the moisture. I rubbed the towel across her exposed skin too before I reached for a couple more towels and wrapping one around her shoulders.

Lifting her up I threw her over my shoulder, her ass almost completely exposed in her shorts in her bend.

I wasn't caring. She did this, not me.

She groaned at the movements but I was sure she wouldn't be sick anymore, I really didn't see her stopping to eat food when she was hell bent on getting herself trashed on vodka. All she would have had to eat was the tiny amount of egg and bacon that she had ate.

I placed her back down on the bed with another groan coming from her.

"Just leave me alone." she half gritted out. She tried pushing me away but she had no strength in her, in her state.

I had to get her dry. I couldn't leave her in that t-shirt, as tempting as it was to leave her to shiver in her own filth, I had to help her.

"Bella, sit up." I snapped at her, pure frustration rushing through me.

Why did she do this? Why would she do this to herself?

"Leave me alone." she tried to fight me off again as she broke down, the tears making there way out.

"Bella I need to get you dry. I need to get you warm, okay?" I tired to be a little bit gentler, try to let her see what I was saying.

I pulled on her shoulders, lifting her up into sitting. She slumped forward and off to the side a little but she still held herself up.

"I'm going to change your t-shirt ok?" she was perfectly comfortable flaunting her chest in front of me last night.

"No." she rushed out panicked.

"Bella, Bella, look at me." I Ordered her gently. I didn't want her to panic or freak out that I was going to try and take advantage of her in the state she was. Her eyes slowly met mine and eventually focused.

"I need to change your t-shirt, okay." she shook her head a little and more tears poured from her eyes.

"I wont look." I promised to her. "Remember last night. I'm a doctor, seen it all before." I tried to sound light and casual, hoping it would relax her. She nodded and her body shifted forward a little more as she relaxed.

I pulled at the wet material, pulling it up and off of her head. I got her towel and dried her off a little more, all the time fighting to keep eye contact with her so she knew I wasn't looking at her.

I helped her into another t-shirt of mine before I wiped gently at her face, wiping the tears away.

I didn't know what I was thinking, to throw her in the shower like I had. I just want her to suffer a little, for her to realize what she had done. I wanted her to wake up so I could check over her better but I had soaked he clothes, and though we had managed her t-shirt, she still wore her wet underwear.

I had put myself into the stupidest position yet. And I had no one to blame this time.

"Bella, do you trust me?" I wouldn't blame her if she didn't. I wouldn't trust someone like me, I had kidnapped her from her own bed as she slept and threw her in a cold shower.

What was I thinking? What reasoning was in my head in that moment?

But she nodded, telling me yes.

I sighed because there was some part of me desperate for her not to trust me.

"I need to take off your underwear…" as soon as I said it I heard a pained cry leave her lungs.

"Ok, ok. I wont do it, not if you don't want me to." I panicked out.

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck

She collapsed back into the mattress, sobbing and I felt like a total bastard, a seedy perverted bastard.

I pulled myself up the mattress beside her, making her look at me. I placed my hand on her cheek and wiped away her tears with the pads of my thumbs.

"I'm sorry, I got mad and I just threw you in. I want to get you warmed up though and I really am sorry, but you need to get out of your shorts." she sobbed harder but she nodded, taking in my words.

"I promise I wont do anything you don't want me to do though, ok." she continued to sob but she nodded again.

"I will cover you with a towel and I will take them off." I knew there would be no way she could do it by herself, she couldn't even sit up. "I wont look, just like last time. I'm not that guy Bella, I wont hurt you. I know I was stupid to do this to you but I'm trying to help you now." I meant every word of it.

Seeing the pain I had put her in, I wanted to cry for her.

I felt like such a worthless prick for ever doing this to her, for letting my anger get away from me that I caused her pain. I could tell she had already had her full of that in this life.

She nodded and I moved quick, for this to be over for her. She was weak and defenceless against me and she didn't know what I was capable of. I could see the fear in her eyes like never before.

I placed the towel over her bottom half and sat up a little.

Fixing my eyes on to hers she looked right into me, it was as if she was looking into my very being, a completely new connection that I had never had with anyone else before. Before I knew it I had removed the damp material.

Wrapping the towel around her waist, she relaxed a little and I pulled her back into me, my arm wrapping around her just like I had done when she woke from her nightmare.

"I'll get you something to cover yourself up, okay." she nodded and when I pulled away form her, her eyes stayed trained on me, following me into my closet. Pulling a pair of boxers out of a drawer I made my way back to her.

"Ok, I know, I'm a geek." I held the most ridiculous pair I could find in some vain attempt to make this not as painful for her. "Spiderman." I shrugged at the little character dotted all over them. "One word; Alice." and I rolled my eyes.

She let out the smallest watery laugh and I almost burst with happiness.

Edging myself on the bed I reached for her hand and placed my larger one over her tiny one.

"Last step, Bella, then you will never have me near you like that again, okay." she nodded again and I couldn't help but want to hear her speak, for some words to come from her again.

I argued with myself that I could have done a lot more harm to her putting her thought this, what if something bad had happened to her, what if she was abused or raped. What damage could I be causing to her if that was the case.

I didn't want to think about it because I didn't want to ever think about Bella having to go through that. I would kill them, if anyone touched her like that, I would go after them, there blood would be mine.

"I promise, my eyes will only look into you're beautiful brown ones, okay?"

She nodded again.

I looked down briefly at her ankles as I fought on the material before I instantly shifted my gaze and told her I was going to pull them up.

Her body trembled below me as I passed her knees "Bella, I'm not going to hurt you or touch you anyway you don't want to be, ok, but if you don't want me to go up any further just tell me and I wont."

She bit her lip but my eyes never left hers. "It's ok." she let out in an inaudible whisper.

"You want me to pull them up?" I clarified and she nodded.

They were instantly up and I pulled away the towel from her waist, throwing it to the floor.

I could see her relax into the bedding and I felt glad that it was over with, that I wasn't causing her anymore distress.

I lay down beside her and pulled me in to her, her cheek resting on my t-shirt covered chest.

"Are you ok?" I asked, combing hair out of her face.

She nodded into me and I could feel her breath return to normal as her sobbing eased but never actually stopping.

"Thank you…for everything." she whispered out into the room.

This wasn't over, and as soon as she was able, I was finding out exactly why she did what she did.

a/n: kaaaay!! so what you thinking - thinking i'm mad or you still enjoying it?!

Please - I beg of you - review!!! xx