A/N: So slightly more timely update than last time... And what's that? The proposal is only 4 chapters away? Pardon me while I go attempt to hide my nerves. :)
Hope everyone's enjoying their New Moon DVD, I know I am! (And I firmly believe that the extended Carlilse scene should have been kept in tact...) Love ya'll, and keep the reviews coming... they make me grin like I do when I'm watching the Eclipse trailer for the hundredth time! Thanks again to shasta53 for beta-ing (and giving me a little pep talk).
Epoch – EPOV
I'd never been able to read Bella as well as I wanted to, although I'd like to think I've gotten better at it as we've spent more time together. The days following my mandatory hunting trip, however, made me feel blind and helpless. I couldn't even begin to guess what was going through her mind. All I knew was that she was looking at me with a strange new kind of longing that was somehow both flattering and unsettling. I hoped to discover some clue through Alice, but she either didn't know what was going on, or was getting exceptionally good at blocking me.
"You worry too much, Edward," she trilled on her way out to buy Bella's graduation outfit. Apparently, all the things Bella had been considering wearing were "unacceptable options."
Alice had informed me that I was not allowed to come along for the outfit unveiling, telling me it was more fun to let it be a surprise, which left me with an afternoon of stewing. Carlisle came downstairs to find me pacing, and gently placed a hand on my shoulder.
"We're all going to be fine," he said softly, misreading my concerned expression.
"I know," I assured him. It was a little surprising to realize that I genuinely meant it. Oddly enough, the upcoming battle was the last thing on my mind. I'd been so preoccupied with figuring out who'd been in Bella's room, not to mention counting the days until graduation. How long after that fateful day would she want to be changed? Would she grant me a few months, or weeks, or would she insist it happen immediately? We'd discussed waiting until after she'd supposedly started college, the infamous cover story to appease Charlie, but nothing had been set in stone. Now, with her things being taken by an unknown vampire, and an army of newborns ready to attack, I was certain she was more anxious than ever.
Of course, the timing wasn't the only thing on my mind. I'd spent a lot of time lately thinking about our ridiculous bargain. More specifically, I was thinking about whether or not Bella was thinking about it. Not long ago, we'd spoken so openly with each other about the whole arrangement. I understood her side, or at least I was trying to – these days eighteen and married didn't often go together. Yet, somehow, it seemed she was beginning to understand where I was coming from, and why it was so important to me. Soon, she would be a part of my world, timeless, ageless... She was already giving me forever, what reason was there not to promise eternity as my wife?
Edward? Carlisle was looking at me, perplexed. I had frozen in place, my eyes focused on nothing in particular.
"I'm sorry, I just have a lot of my mind."
"With good reason. But if you're truly not worried about what we're about to face with the newborns, then what could possibly be highest on your list of concerns?"
I looked at him, almost embarrassed to say it. In the grand scheme of things, surely there were more pressing matters.
"You know you can always talk to me about anything, right?"
"You've always been very kind and understanding, Carlisle. And I've always been honest with you, about every fear, every dark moment of my life. You helped me when I didn't know whether I was strong enough to be with Bella. You encouraged me, trusted me, and then you welcomed her in like a daughter. It shouldn't be difficult to talk to you now, yet I'm finding it hard to even form the words."
"You're worried about her transformation."
"Of course I am, but because I made that absurd bargain, there's so much more to it than that. I'm constantly on edge, wondering if she's going to accept my proposal or not. If she doesn't, that means she's starting her new life still afraid of marrying me, and I'm having a hard time making sense of that. If she agrees to it, though, then I'm faced with the seemingly impossible task of changing her myself. How could I have promised such a thing, Carlisle? I don't know whether or not I'm strong enough to do that!"
"You are strong enough. You've tasted her blood before, under far more dire circumstances than what you'll face should you be in that position once more. When you saved her life, it was a split second decision. You weren't given time first to prepare yourself, which is a luxury you will now have. You two will have to discuss this, of course, but if you wish, I can be present. Perhaps Emmett as well, ready to stop you if it becomes too much. We won't let you hurt her, I can promise you that. Not that I think you're capable of it, anyway."
"Thank you. You've always had more faith in me than I deserve. I want to believe you. I need to believe you. We've just come so far, Carlisle, and now I don't know what to do next."
The strangest smile crept onto his face and I could hear a brief flicker of a conversation with Alice before he stopped his thoughts in their tracks. I raised one eyebrow in question and he laughed.
"It's not my place to say, but suffice it to say, Alice doesn't think you have anything to worry about."
"Are you really choosing now to be cryptic?" I asked, trying not to be irritated. His smile only widened.
"You're not the only one who's had a lot on their mind lately. Try to be patient with Bella, and let her sort things out for herself. This is the biggest decision she will ever make, and you want her to be completely certain."
I wasn't sure if he was talking about her transformation, or marriage, or something else entirely, but I suddenly felt even more in the dark than I had before. I sighed, frustrated, and Carlisle's expression shifted.
"You two will sort things out," he said in his kind, fatherly tone. "Right now, however, I believe you have another graduation to attend. What number is this now?"
"Please don't remind me."
"All right. Remember, though, this is the first time for Bella, and you don't want her to be late."
"So, do you think that maybe after Bella is changed, we can hold off on starting the whole high school charade again? I really do think she'd enjoy college."
His eyes went somber and I heard what he wouldn't say out loud. It would be some time before Bella would be ready to be anywhere near students, high school or college. His face softened again quickly, and he smiled his warmest, most reassuring smile.
"You'll watch over her. You won't let her do anything she will spend forever regretting. Then, when she's ready, you can help her get the finest college education she could ever dream of."
I forced a smile, then ran upstairs to get ready. If it was possible for me to feel my age, I would have felt it as I stared at the row of graduation attire tucked away at the back of my closet. What colors were the Forks High gowns? Blue? Yellow? Had I really been paying so little attention? With a roll of my eyes, I grabbed both colors and headed down to my car.
When I arrived, Bella looked radiant but nervous. There was still a hint of whatever baffling emotion had been plaguing her these past few days. She was showing an obvious anxiety about the upcoming event, but her pulse slowed and her posture relaxed as soon as I took her in my arms. She smiled up at me warmly as I surrounded myself with her luscious scent and held her close. When she reluctantly pulled away, I took a moment to really look at her. Alice had outdone herself again. She knew I loved Bella in blue, a lovely compliment to her chocolate brown hair, and her eyes were deeper than ever as she stared up at me.
I was whispering to Bella how lovely she was when Charlie cleared his throat and signaled that it was time for us to leave. I had expected Alice to be waiting at the house, anxious to show off Bella's new ensemble, but apparently she'd left a few minutes before I'd arrived, explaining that she would meet us there. Maybe she didn't want to intrude on Bella and Charlie's time together. He would never admit it, but he was finding it harder to let go of Bella than he'd expected. This evening was very special to him, and I was more than happy to step aside and let him fulfill his fatherly role. Which was why I'd agreed to ride quietly in the back seat while Charlie drove.
I listened to Charlie's fascinating mind, which was, strangely enough, clearer than usual. It seemed as if the more irritated he was with me, the more coherent he sounded. I could always hear the tenor of his thoughts, but tonight, it was quite obvious he was wishing the end of high school meant the end of my time with Bella. He kept glancing back at me, thinking it was hilarious to see me riding in the back of his police car, though there wasn't a single crime he could actually imagine me committing. I smiled, happy that although he may never approve of me dating his daughter, in his heart, he knew I was a good person.
I knew it was coming, but I still felt assaulted as we neared the parking lot. There were few times when people's minds were racing more than at a high school graduation, even one as small as this. Every student and every parent was going over checklists and thinking about the future. It was also a time for nostalgia and reminiscing about the past four years. After so many decades, it shouldn't still bother me, but I couldn't fight off the twinge of bitterness. For everyone else, it was the end of one era and the start of the next. Their lives were moving forward while mine stayed forever locked in place.
This time, however, I would have Bella by my side. My constant, beautiful, perfect reminder that my unchanging life was finally about to take a step forward. I looked toward her with a smile, but her expression made all my feelings of comfort disappear. I wanted to believe that it was just nerves, but it seemed like there was something more just under the surface. She was staring absently out the window, and every once in awhile, her eyes would widen and she looked as if she were trying to focus in on something.
"Are you all right?" I asked quietly when we arrived at the school.
"Nervous," she said, attempting a smile. Though I suspected otherwise, it was easy to convince myself that was all that was bothering her. Attention, in any form, made her uncomfortable. While this evening, for me, meant an hour or so of boredom, it was so much worse for her.
"You are so beautiful," I told her. I was about to add in a whisper that if this was the last graduation she ever wanted to attend, that was fine with me. It was one part of the charade I wouldn't mind doing away with. Unfortunately, I was interrupted by Charlie.
He wedged himself in between us, and I guiltily found myself thinking about a time in the not-too-distant future when no one, not even Charlie, would be coming between us ever again. I quickly banished the thought, reminding myself that this was Charlie's night with Bella, and I needed to allow them this time. It wasn't only for Charlie's sake, either. I knew Bella needed some sort of closure with her father, and, by its very nature, this night already had an air of finality to it. I wondered if that was why she seemed out of sorts.
Charlie hugged Bella tighter than I'd ever seen, and gave her an abbreviated version of the speech that was running through his mind. Bella seemed a little embarrassed by his sudden affection, but if she could have seen what I was seeing, her face would have been three shades redder. His mind was playing images like they were old home movies, reminiscing about his little girl – the times they'd spent together, and the time he was only now realizing he'd lost. I almost wanted to push Bella back into his arms again, but he was already putting the walls back up.
"Dad, please don't get all weepy on me," she mumbled.
"Who's weepy?" he asked, trying to keep his emotions from escaping. "Now, why aren't you excited?"
"I don't know, Dad. I guess it hasn't hit yet or something." I wondered if I imagined the look of panic that flickered in her eyes.
"It's good that Alice is throwing this party," Charlie told her. "You need something to perk you up."
"Sure. A party's exactly what I need."
I wanted to talk to Bella again, to see if she was ready to discuss whatever was bothering her. After Charlie had given her one last squeeze and wished her luck, I tried to pull her aside, but the chaos around us escalated before I had the chance. She looked at me wearily as we were shuffled off in different directions, kept apart this time by alphabetization. I searched frantically for Alice in hopes that she had seen something that might be helpful. Although, if Bella's nerves were about the upcoming party, I was certain Alice would be doing her best to hide it from me.
Alice didn't show up until the last possible minute, flitting into line right before our names were called, with a smile on her face. She wouldn't look me in the eye, wouldn't say a word. She wasn't even thinking in English. Then, the moment she stepped off the stage, she was gone. I don't know how she disappeared unseen when there were so many people around, but even I hadn't actually caught her exit, so I supposed she hadn't raised any suspicion.
I was agitated, wishing I could escape like Alice, but I wanted to see Bella receive her diploma. She'd worked hard to get good grades, somehow managing to keep them up even when the madness of my world threatened to break her. On top of good grades, Bella also had a wonderful circle of friends who genuinely cared for her, despite Charlie's concerns that she spent all her time with me. Obnoxious as he was, even Mike wanted the best for her, although to him, that would mean Bella dumping me right after graduation.
I smiled as I listened to the thoughts swirling around me, enjoying them in a way I never had. I wouldn't quite call it nostalgia since there wasn't really anything about this place I would be missing – Bella had been the only part of my Forks High experience that had broken the monotony. Still, Forks had brought me to Bella, and for that, I would be forever in its debt. Wherever we ended up after she was changed, this would be the place Bella and I had fallen in love, where we'd beat the odds stacked so high against us – where she'd been human, in love with a vampire.
When Bella walked onto that stage, her cheeks adorably red and her eyes pointed to the ground, I felt a surge of pride. Whatever happened, at least she'd gotten to have this human experience. I heard Charlie, Jacob, and Billy cheering for her, and caught a smile fluttering across her lips. Then, she glanced toward my row briefly, meeting my eyes for only a moment before they began searching again. She looked concerned. Maybe she was looking for Alice and worrying that she'd already left to finish the party details.
When the ceremony was over, I walked up behind Bella and wrapped my arms around her.
"Congratulations," I said softly, my lips brushing against her ear.
"Um, thanks." She was still looking around distractedly.
"You don't look like you're over the nerves yet."
"Not quite yet."
"What's left to worry about? The party? It won't be that horrible."
"You're probably right." It wasn't until I saw her halfhearted smile that I started getting the sinking feeling that Alice's disappearance and Bella's concerned expression were related. Alice had been working extraordinarily hard at keeping me out, but how could Bella have possibly known that?
"Who are you looking for?" I asked, hoping my fears were unjustified. She could searching for Jessica or Angela. I'd even settle for her trying to find Mike Newton if it meant nothing was wrong.
"Alice," she said sheepishly. "Where is she?"
"She ran out as soon as she had her diploma."
What did Alice know that she was so determined to keep from me? It had to be about the newborns – something must have happened. Still, how would Bella know something about the situation that I didn't? I stared at the door, planning my exit, no longer concerned with keeping up appearances. I was about to make my escape when Bella stopped me.
"Worrying about Alice?" she asked, attempting to sound casual but failing miserably.
"Er..." The last thing I wanted was Bella thinking that I was worrying. I was fairly certain her ability to deal with the extreme circumstances that were soon heading directly for us, was largely due to the fact that I was working so hard to keep my nerves at bay.
"What was she thinking about, anyway? To keep you out, I mean."
That stopped me in my tracks. Being accustomed to having nearly limitless insight into what everyone around me is thinking, it was more than a little unsettling to realize I was being kept in the dark on purpose.
"She was translating the Battle Hymn of the Republic into Arabic, actually. When she finished that, she moved on the Korean sign language."
Bella laughed, her eyes wide and focused everywhere but on me. I'd never seen her afraid to talk to me before, which was making my panic grow more every second.
"I suppose that would keep her head busy enough."
"You know what she's hiding from me," I said flatly. It wasn't a question. I knew I was being conspired against.
"Sure," she said, feigning nonchalance. "I'm the one who came up with it."
Being caught off guard wasn't something I was used to, and I waited, confused and frustrated. I stared at her, silently pleading to put me out of my misery. What did Alice know that she would make her confide in Bella but not me? It had to be something so terrible, they thought me incapable of handing reasonably.
For a moment, I panicked, fearing as I had before that the army of newborns had decided we were a threat to their claimed territory. Perhaps Alice had seen a vision of them coming to destroy us, and when Bella realized what was happening, she'd insisted on being changed right away. I was having visions of Bella being whisked away. Alice had offered to change her once before – was she about to make good on her promise? It would explain Alice's determination to keep me out of her head, as well as Bella's obvious nervousness.
She was looking everywhere but at me, which didn't help me feel any more at ease.
"Knowing Alice," she said quietly, still not meeting my gaze, "she'll probably try to keep this from you until after the party. But since I'm all for the party being canceled – well, don't go berserk, regardless, okay? It's always better to know as much as possible. It has to help somehow."
She was babbling, clearly avoiding the subject. "What are you talking about?"
"Just stay calm, okay?" Nothing good has every followed those words. I nodded, not because I wanted her to continue, but because I needed her to. Whatever was coming for us, she had to know I would protect her. There was no need to rush into things out of fear.
"I think you're wrong about things coming at us from all sides. I think it's mostly coming at us from one side... and I think it's coming at me, really. It's all connected, it has to be. It's just one person who's messing with Alice's visions. The stranger in my room was a test, to see if someone could get around her. It's got to be the same one who keeps changing his mind, and the newborns, and stealing my clothes – all of it goes together. My scent is for them."
No. Everything inside me instantly argued against the idea that this many vampires, something this monumental could all be for Bella. Then again, where Bella was concerned, I suppose anything is possible. She'd already managed to enrage a group of nomads and get on the Volturi's hit list. Why wouldn't there be an entire army created for her destruction?
"But no one's coming for you, don't you see? This is good – Esme and Alice and Carlisle, no one wants to hurt them!" Bella was speaking frantically, and it sounded like she was trying to make this realization into a good thing. My mind was racing so fast, I was having a hard time focusing on her.
I didn't want to admit it, but in a sick way, it did all make sense. The timing of it all was too perfect. That Alice could miss both the stranger in Bella's room and the creation of an army seemed nearly impossible. It seemed almost ridiculously clear. Of course it was related, and I was a fool for not seeing it sooner.
Through my sudden terror, I felt Bella's gentle touch on my cheek. "Calm," she said softly, and I forced my eyes to meet hers. She looked like she wanted to say more, but at that moment, we heard Charlie coming up behind us.
"Bella!" he was shouting. "Congratulations, baby!" He shoved me aside, though I was still reaching toward Bella. Normally in far better control on my emotions, I shudder to think what showed on my face. Fortunately, no one was looking at me – no one except Bella, that is. She was watching me warily as Charlie worked to exclude me from the celebration.
As I watched Bella with Charlie, her desperate attempt to appear normal though she must be terrified, I found myself furious. Her nervousness, all of her sideways glances, everything I hadn't been able to read on her face now made sense. Whoever was after her had managed to ruin this day for her, perhaps her last real human milestone, and for that, I'd never been more determined to destroy them.
"You coming, too, Edward?" I heard Charlie mutter. I hadn't heard a word he'd said before that, though I assumed he was begrudgingly inviting me to whatever post-graduation celebration he had planned for Bella.
"No, thank you," I said, trying to muster up some amount of normalcy in my voice.
"Do you have plans with your parents?"
"Yes. If you'll excuse me..." I felt myself take off at a near run, hopefully catching my mistake and slowing down before anyone noticed. I should have stayed to listen to the thoughts around me, but at this point, what did it matter? We would soon be leaving Forks behind.
The moment the door closed behind me, I started listening. I knew Alice would have told the rest of the family by now, and someone would be keeping guard. It didn't take long before I heard Emmett muttering fight strategies as he circled the perimeter of the school. Assured Bella was protected, I started running toward home, my cell phone already in my hand. It was ringing before I had time to dial the number.
"Why didn't you tell me, Alice?" I shouted.
"She didn't want to upset you, and I figured a few hours wouldn't hurt. I was going to tell you before the party."
"Right," I muttered, indignant.
"The rest of the family knows and are already mapping out a new strategy. Bella is safe. What harm was done by letting you enjoy graduation?"
"This isn't about me! Bella was a nervous wreck the whole night. I could have been comforting her, I could have been reassuring her that we're not going to let anyone hurt her."
"She knows that, Edward. And she wasn't nervous about someone coming after her, she was worried that you would be upset. She's relieved, strange as that might sound. She's been terrified that the newborns were coming after us, that something was going to happen to Esme, or me, or you. I know you've never been fond of hearing about her complete lack of self preservation, but just this once, could you listen to me when I tell you that Bella is fine!" There was silence on the other line as I tried to process what Alice was telling me. "She's jumpy, but fine," she added when I didn't say anything, and I heard the smile in her voice.
I slowed my run as I approached the house, determined to get myself together before going in. It sounded like everyone else was okay with this new discovery, taking it one step at a time and planning methodically. It was a struggle, but I tried to appear calm as I stepped inside.
You look better, Alice thought as I came inside. If only I didn't know you better. Still, it's nice that you're trying. I sighed and mouthed, "thanks" to her. I could hear Carlisle in the living room, going through the new information and what it meant for us.
"Assuming they really are only interested in Bella, then all we have to do to ensure they come to us, is keep Bella here."
"That should be easy enough," Rosalie added sarcastically. "It's not like he's going to let her leave the house now that he knows they're after her. And we thought he was over-protective before..."
"Rose, be kind. Your cynicism isn't going to help anyone."
Not cynicism if it's true...
"Edward, you're home," Esme said, interrupting me before I could say something that I probably would have felt bad for later.
"Yes, I thought I should come check in with everyone before the party. I would suggest we cancel it, but I'm assuming Alice will insist that the evening continue as planned." She smiled impishly at me before running upstairs to get more decorations. If anything, this new development had made her plans even more elaborate than they already were. Alice had decided that Bella needed as big a distraction as possible.
"Alice told me you were upset," Carlisle said evenly, "but I think I agree with Bella. This is a good thing."
"An entire army of newborns is after Bella – an army created by a vampire we still don't know the identity of, by the way – and this is a good thing?"
"Think about it for a moment, Edward. We've been planning to seek this army out in their territory, essentially going into the fight not only blind, but amid thousands of people. The newborns will have no regard for them, yet we must. My biggest fear has been raging a war in a city of so many. Now that we know what they're seeking, we know they will come to us."
"So Bella will just stay here and be your bait?"
I regretted it the moment I spoke, and the flash of agony in Carlisle's eyes made my guilt that much worse. Of course he would never endanger Bella. He loved her as a daughter.
"I'm sorry," I said softly. "Forgive me for speaking so foolishly. I'm only trying to see things the way you are. It's difficult."
"I understand. I'm frightened for her, too, but I also know that we will be ready. Whoever this leader is most likely thinks they are a step ahead of us, since they've so far been able to get by Alice's vision. We can hope that they are still unaware of your powers, though in truth, it doesn't matter. Whether they know it or not, you will hear them coming."
That much, at least, was true. And if I was thinking about it rationally as the rest of my family was, I could see how there were some advantages to fighting in our own territory. Assuming I heard them in enough time, we could probably stop them from even entering town. A fight in our forest, an area we all knew so well, did seem like a much better option than fighting in a city where we had to worry about casualties and witnesses.
But where would Bella be throughout it all? Carlisle must have read my expression, or maybe we were both having the same fear.
The wolves could protect her. My eyes flashed up to his, wide and angry at the suggestion, though somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I'd had the thought as well. Edward, be reasonable, he continued. We need you with us. Our numbers are already too few. There's nowhere else, no other option that I can think of. They've guarded her before. Your feelings for Jacob aside, you know they are trustworthy where Bella's safety is concerned.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn't argue, though I wondered if Bella would agree to it after Jacob's most recent stunt. I could almost picture her sulking on the couch at Jacob's house, as unhappy with the arrangement as I would be. Still, if it meant she was out of danger...
"Whatever you two are discussing, do you think we could possibly finish it later? We have a party to get ready for!" Both Carlisle and I rolled our eyes. Only Alice could think of the party at a time like this.
"Don't you think coming up with a new strategy is a little more important than a graduation party?" I asked.
"Doesn't matter. It's too late to cancel. People will be on their way soon. Speaking of which, shouldn't you be picking Bella up? They'll be finishing dinner any time, and she's expecting you." I sighed. There was no point arguing with her, and if people were already getting ready, I knew there was no hope of canceling. I hurried to the restaurant where Bella and Charlie were eating, and waited for them to finish. Emmett was still pacing around outside, his mind a strange mixture of focus and boredom. He was the only one not particularly enthused with our new "wait for them to come" plan.
"Anything unusual?" I asked him.
Nothing. Not a single twig out of place. It was difficult not to be irritated that he sounded disappointed. He must have read the frustration on my face because he turned instantly remorseful. I'm sorry, it's not like you think, really. I just want this all to be over.
"Well, I'm definitely in agreement with you there."
I'm not gonna lie, I'm excited about the fight. It'll be nice to get out there are actually do something, Hunting elk in the park is getting pretty boring.
"Glad to hear Bella being stalked has brought purpose to your mundane life," I muttered sarcastically.
Will you just listen, please? Yes, I'm excited. Yes, I'm looking forward to showing those newborns who's territory this is. But you know what I'm most excited about? I shrugged, then nearly gasped when I saw what flashed through his mind.
Our family was standing triumphant in a protective circle around Bella. She was thanking us all, then she took my hand and we ran off together. The next thing I saw was a changed Bella – indestructible and glorious. It was as clear as Alice had ever seen her, as if Emmett had somehow discovered a gift for precognition.
"I don't understand," I whispered, watching him wide-eyed. He sat down beside me and spoke aloud.
"Assuming you don't find some way to screw things up for her, I'm pretty sure this is the last time we'll be protecting Bella from anything. I know you don't want her making this choice out of fear, and I understand why you won't let her be changed before the fight – the last thing we need is another newborn to deal with. But when this is all over, there's nothing stopping her from getting what she wants. Then you can finally stop worrying about her all the time and she canstop being afraid. Now be honest. Doesn't that sound like a much better arrangement for everyone?"
It wasn't often Emmett surprised me, but I was speechless.
"Anyway," he continued casually, standing up. "Bella is in there making excuses to bolt from dinner, and she's been not-so-subtly looking around for you for about a half an hour. I think she'd rather see you than me waiting for her when she gets outside. I'll meet you two back at the house." With a smirk, he took off running, and he was out of sight before I'd found the words to say to him.
It was amazing, the effect seeing Bella's future through the eyes of my family had on me. Knowing how completely they accepted her, how certain they were that when all this insanity was over, Bella would be with us forever... it made everything clear. Certain.
A few minutes passed before I saw Bella step outside, her hair flowing in the light breeze. I caught her scent drifting toward me, pleasure and agony as it always was, and felt the familiar twinge of sadness that soon, it would no longer torture me. This time, though, my despair was silenced by the reminder that everything else – her beauty, her voice, her kindness, her love for me – all of it would remain, and it would be mine to cherish forever.
I was suddenly overtaken by the need to be with her. Paying no attention to who was around, I stepped out of the darkness and pulled her to me. I worried for a moment that I had startled her, but she quickly melted into my embrace. I kissed her perhaps a little too hard, forgetting my strength – forgetting everything – for that moment. It wasn't until I released her that I reminded myself she was still fragile, and there was still danger. For now, at least.
"How are you?" she asked breathlessly.
"Not so great," I admitted. "But I've got a handle on myself. I'm sorry that I lost it back there."
"My fault. I should have waited to tell you."
"No. This is something I needed to know. I can't believe I didn't see it!"
"You've got a lot on your mind."
"And you don't?"
After the realization that something terrible was after her yet again, she was still determined to put my feelings first. She would never let me feel a moment of remorse or guilt for not seeing what should have been so obvious. I would never deserve her undying patience and selflessness. I kissed her again, more gently this time, but was only allowed a brief moment to revel in her perfection.
"Charlie's on his way," I told her.
"I'll have him drop me at your house."
"I'll follow you there," I promised, disappearing back into the shadows.
"That's not really necessary," she started to say. By now, she must know I'm never far away.
I ran behind the car, listening with quiet amusement to their conversation. Charlie was letting his emotions show to a small degree, and I was fairly certain Bella knew that it was only a shadow of all he was feeling. He loved her, was proud of her, and would always be grateful that she'd chosen to spend this time of her life with him. She expressed her gratitude, and I tried not to hear the sadness behind the words I recognized as a sort of good-bye. I was just beginning to see the lights in the distance that would lead to my door.
"Alice," Bella muttered, grudgingly, when she saw the endless rows of lights.
"Wow. She doesn't do things halfway, does she?" Charlie said, trying to hide how impressive he actually found it all.
"Sure you don't want to come in?" Bella asked him.
"Extremely sure. Have fun, kid."
"Thanks so much, Dad."
I watched Bella take a deep breath as she exited the car, obviously steeling her resolve as she approached the door. As Charlie drove away, a wide array of emotions fluttered through his mind as he processed the events of the night. He'd never say it aloud, but amid his lingering thoughts of dislike toward me, as he glanced in his rear-view mirror at our house, I could feel his gratitude toward my family. He was happy to know Bella was taken care of, and though he didn't understand it entirely, he could feel how well she fit in with us. He wanted Bella to have whatever made her happy, and in that moment, he started to accept that we were exactly that.
I knew that even without her recent discovery, this night was going to be difficult for Bella, and given the circumstances, I wasn't sure how I was going to get through it without going crazy. Yet as I watched the lights reflect in Bella's eyes, the moonlight dancing through her hair, all I wanted was to forget everything for the night. I wanted nothing more than to celebrate the end that would lead to her beginning.