Chapter 22 Truth time

Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer - this is a work of fan fiction, except for the legends and histories of the Quileute and the Makah that, of course, belong to them. I pay my respects to their gods.

Thanks to BanSidhe for betaing.

[AN: I had some issues with Seth sleeping with Rose and then telling the truth – it seemed out of character – but he HAS to I guess – he can't tell her about the wolves unless she is his imprint and he has the Alpha's permission to tell her the secret– even if the dumbass promised.]

Seth was in an odd mood today. Rose had just kept pretty silent during their now ritual morning hike. He was as solicitous and aware of her as always but she felt that his mind was just somewhere else. She left him alone with his thoughts.

When they got back to the house, he threw himself down into one of their Adirondack lounges in the yard. She went to get them both a cool drink of water.

She handed his to him and sat herself in the other chair.

"There's something I haven't told you…" he started.

She tried to make a joke out of it. "… you're married… divorced… got a kid…"

"Rose… please."

"Oh… I'm sorry… you're making me nervous … what is it you wanted to tell me, Seth?"

"Can I tell you that this is the last thing I want to do but I have to do it because you deserve the truth."

"Seth, you are freaking me out."

"And I promised that I would tell you the truth when you were all better, remember?"

Silence. She looked suspicious now.

"The truth? What truth?" she asked when he doesn't continue.

"I caused the accident."

"How?"

"I was there."

"We were on a deserted stretch of the highway Seth, there was nothing there…"

"Yes, there was."

She frowned.

"Do you remember?" he asked.

"The accident, of course I do."

He resisted pointing out to her, that for a long time she had kept forgetting she had even been in a car accident.

"No Rose… you saw something… so did your Mum… she swerved because something frightened her…" His face looks torn as if he does and doesn't want her to remember. "Something at the side of the road."

"I … think… there was an animal… something big… a bear… no…. a wolf." She looked at him sharply. "Wolves don't come that large."

"They do in La Push."

She stared at him. "Only in La Push?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"So the tribe has gigantic pet wolves?"

"No, they aren't pets."

He got to his feet and started to pace in frustration.

"It was me," he said.

"What was?"

"The wolf. At the side of the road. It was me."

"I'm sorry Seth; I thought you saidyou were the wolf."

"Yes, that's what I said."

She just blinked at him.

"I don't understand," she said in a very small voice.

He reached for her hand; he crouched down in front of her and played with the skin on her hand.

"I'm a… shape shifter… I can change into a wolf. Just like in those books I gave you to listen to… with the shape changers… and the vampires."

She snatched her hand out of his

"No," she said. "No, no, no."

"Oh Rose," he sighed. He dropped his head into his hands.

She rose to her feet; she pushed the chair back away from her body rather than get closer to him. He noticed.

She was still shaking her head.

"No, no, no," she repeated. "It can't be…" Her hands flailed in front of her.

"Why can't it?" he asked. "You can control lightning. Why is the fact that I can do something too, so weird?" He took a step towards her.

"I don't change… I don't become something else."

"Neither do I. I'm still me." He pleaded with her; holding his hands in front of him.

"How can you be you… if you are a gigantic wolf?"

"I just look like a wolf. I still think, and feel like me. Even my eyes are the same."

"I don't…" she shook her head.

"Please Rose," Seth asked.

"Please what? Understand? How can I understand?"

Then she seemed to think of something.

"That's why you helped me. After the accident. What? Did you do your Lassie imitation? Run off and get help? That's why you were at the hospital every day. It wasn't for me. You feel guilty. You don't love me. You are just making yourself feel better." She looked completely panicked now. "Oh god… I think I am going to be sick… you don't love me…." She clutched at her stomach.

His face looked shattered. He grabbed her. It was instinctive, but thoughtless. "Please Rose, of course I love you. It was all about you… it was always for you."

"Don't touch me!" she screamed. She tried to fight him but he was so petrified of letting her go that he hung onto her. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to hold her against him.

She railed and fought against him. She was sobbing and wailing.

"Please Rose," he was kissing her hair and desperately trying to calm her down when her hair started to crackle.

"Oh fuck," he said. "Rose you have to calm down."

"I don't want you to touch me," she screamed at him. "Let me go!"

He did, but the damage was done. She was really angry now. "You're a …" she struggled for a word. "You're an animal!" she screamed at him.

He looked as if she had just slapped him.

They both froze. The air crackled and hissed. The hairs on his arms started to stand up. The smell of ozone was everywhere.

"I know you are angry," he said in a low, even voice; desperate to calm her down. "I would be too. You want to hit me?" he asked.

He took a step away from her and held his arms out to the sides. "Come on… zap me. Will it make you feel better? Will it be enough punishment for you? Maybe you could put me into a coma and you could nurse me… will that work for you? It has some kind of karmic balance doncha think?"

She was taking little shallow breaths.

He continued, "Yes, I'm an animal… I even have a tail… I am an animal probably half the time these days… no, I didn't get a choice… just like you... no, there isn't a cure… just like you… mine hit me when I was fifteen… a little younger than you… remember when we talked about my growth spurt… you don't want to know how much those growing pains hurt… but unlike you… I have friends who are like me… I have a wolf pack…. so that makes me lucky I suppose." He sounded bitter.

She was staring at him.

"So if you want to hurt me, if that will make you feel better… you go right ahead…"

He closed his eyes and tilted his head back; like a lamb to the slaughter. He offered himself to her like a sacrifice.

She screamed in frustration; fell to her knees, her hands stretched in front of her and her fingers started clawing at the dirt. A bolt of lightning crashed to the ground in the forest behind them. She was watching him and he didn't even flinch.

"God damn you, Seth," she shouted at him. "Why would you want me to do that?" She was still kneeling on the ground.

"I'll do anything for you," he said simply. "You're my imprint and I love you."

"Imprint? There's more?" she asked. She sounded weary. She looked up at him; her face stained with tears.

"The wolf gods choose our perfect mate." He took a step towards her. "And you're it for me."

"I am?" she sounded hopeful now.

"Yeah… I can prove it. Can't you feel it?" he reached down, pulled her up to her feet and wrapped her up in his arms again.

"Can't you feel it?" he asked her again. "How it hurts to be away from each other. How we can sense each other's moods and emotions." He pressed his cheek against the top of her head.

There was silence for a minute.

"You were sad in the car that day. I just never realised that it was youthat was sad... I thought it was me… it wasn't very strong then… I kept going there and I could never work out why."

She inhaled deeply. How could he have known that, even if he was a wolf at the side of the road? "Yes, I was," she admitted. "I remembered why we were going to Neah bay and mum said something like, I had to snap out of it because she hated driving in the rain. It reminded of the whole problem… you know…"

"And then you lightened up."

"Yeah, we made a joke."

She finally let her arms go around his waist. He uttered a sigh as if it had been hurting him for her not to touch him.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am about the accident. I have asked myself that question a million times. I don't know why the wolf gods wanted us to meet like this. Why I couldn't have just bought you a soda or fallen in love the first time I looked into your eyes or something."

He hugged her tighter.

"Everyday I wish they had found a better way to do it, because I would never want to cause you pain and I caused you so much…."

"It was an accident Seth. It wasn't your fault. The car should not have rolled. Mum should not have swerved. I don't know… but if you think there is a reason for it, then we should try to find it out, right?"

He pulled back and looked at her. "Maybe the pack can help you somehow." His big hands cradled her cheeks and his thumbs wiped at her tear stained cheeks.

"Please let us try to help. Please don't leave me…" his head lowered towards hers, "…ever." And then he kissed her. He put his whole heart into that kiss. When their tongues touched, something happened that she could never adequately explain later. It is as if some of his heat went into her and filled her up. She felt warm, comforted, whole and almost healed inside. She accepted him with everything she had.

When he finally let her draw a breath, she sighed. "Why didn't you just kiss me like that before?"

"When?" He looked puzzled.

"When I was in the coma… you know sleeping beauty and all that."

He actually looked confused. "I don't know," he blustered, "I guess I never thought about it…"

"Oh Seth," she said, "You're gorgeous." And she kissed him again.

It took him a little while to think of a reply. "It wouldn't have worked then," he argued. "You weren't my imprint then… you didn't even know me… it didn't become really strong until after we had sex… before that, I just wanted to be around you and I wanted to help you… but clearly it needed my ass in the tribal dirt and me buried inside you to fully happen… you know blood… sex… dirt… magic…"

Her breath made that hitch noise he loved.

FF_2154210_ - 4/3/2011 02:07:00 PM

FF_2154210_ - 8/31/2011 03:16:00 AM