DISCLAIMER – I flicked my wand and said Accio Daniel Radcliff and nothing happened. I flicked my wand a second time and cast a spell to get the rights to Harry Potter and its affiliates and I got a message saying that they were already owned by JK Rowling and that I could do something very inappropriate with my wand. Therefore I took the hint and am saying that I don't own anything except the plot.
DISCLAIMER 2 – The characters will be very OOC. If you do not like that, then I suggest that you do not read. I do not have time to ease the feelings of each and every flamer because they do not like my story. If you are going to flame, do both of us a favor and move on. I will accept constructive criticism if it is written in a way that doesn't sound like an attack against my intelligence, person, or readers. If you insult my readers, you get a one wand flick to report abuse and then on the blocked list. You have been warned.
NOTE – You guys are AWESOME. I will do my best to keep this story funny and amusing. It will seem kind of off, and it probably will be. I have never done humor before and I am going to have a hard time with the adjustment. Thanks in advance for the support. I want to point out that I am still recovering from my laughter at my last chapter. I thought it was simply hilarious. I am not sure if I can top it, but I will give it a shot.
Chapter 3 – Does He Ever Give Up?
When the feast was over, the students were heading out of the Great Hall. Minerva joined Harry, Cedric, Neville, and Blaise at the entrance. The five of them took one look around and noticed that the line to beat on Dumbledore had thinned some. People like Pomona and Poppy were cutting the line every now and then to get another smack here and there and the nun was calling for a set of drums. Minerva shuddered at the thought of what the nun had in mind.
"We have never had heirs of the founders in the castle before," said Minerva. "Therefore we are unsure as to how to arrange this. The wards are adjusting to me a bit and I am to understand that there will be a few changes. Mr. Potter from what I am to understand, when you earn or lose points, it will be divided equally among the four houses. The rest of you will be normal in that you will earn or lose points for your specific house. Please follow me and I will lead you to your dorm."
They left the hall just as a crash from the cymbals sounded and Dumbledore screamed in pain.
"Well now we know what she wanted with the drums," said Minerva. "Let's hurry and get you to your dorm."
The students followed her to the Charms corridor where they met up with Professor Flitwick. The two professors quickly gave a run down of what professor taught which subject. From there, they met up with a portrait of the four founders sitting together.
"You will use the password of 'blood status' for now," said Filius. "We professors have our own passwords to get into the dorms. Each of you will have your own room as I am to understand that it is what the castle wanted. Your names are engraved on the plaque on the door. You will each have your own personal house elf to assist you and they are currently putting your things away."
Venom hissed and Harry stooped so that the snake could slither to the floor and go explore. Harry hissed at it to not get lost and to stay safe.
"Mr. Potter, how long have you been able to talk to snakes?" asked Minerva. "That is NOT a common gift. If I am guessing correctly, then Mr. Zabini will be able to do the same."
"I have been able to do that since I was able to talk," said Harry as Blaise nodded his head in agreement. "Talking to snakes is relatively easy. It would be the equivalent of me speaking French or Spanish."
"We are not passing judgment," assured Minerva. "We only know of two other Parselmouths. One of them is Salazar Slytherin himself and the other is the Dark Lord."
"Well as both Blaise and I are heirs, it would make sense that we inherited the ability," said Harry thoughtfully. "Does this mean that Blaise, Cedric, Neville, and I are related somehow?"
"I am afraid so," said Filius. "Though, the bloodlines are probably distant. However, you are related to these three Mr. Potter. They however, are not related to each other. That also means that Mr. Zabini and yourself are related somehow to the Dark Lord as we know he is a descendant of Salazar Slytherin."
"We will deal with Voldiewarts when we have to," said Harry with a smile. "This castle is awesome and I am glad that I can be with my new friends. I have to write a letter to Aunt Petunia. She will probably be beside herself with worry right now."
The professors smiled and left. Harry sat at his desk and wrote a letter to Petunia.
Dear Aunt Petunia,
This place is amazing. I have made some new friends just like you said I would. Hermione Granger is a muggleborn. Neville Longbottom is a pureblood like I am as is Susan Bones. I didn't get sorted into a house. I got sorted into all four of them. Apparently our family is more important than we thought. I am related to all four founders of Hogwarts. I learned that before Head Master Dumbledore got beat up. Me and some of my new friends have been given special quarters due to our relationship to one or more of the founders. Neville is related to Gryffindor, Cedric is related to Hufflepuff, and Blaise Zabini is related to Slytherin. You would like this place. The castle is huge. I miss you already. I hope to hear from you soon.
Love
Harry
When he was finished writing the letter, he sent it off with Hedwig. She hooted in delight and flew out of the window. Harry sat at his desk and looked at some more of his books. He wondered what lessons were going to be first.
The next morning, the four students made their way to the Great Hall. Once more, they sat with Hermione and Susan at Ravenclaw. A very battered and bruised Dumbledore stood to make some announcements.
"It would appear that an hourglass has been set up for the professors of this school," said Albus. "We are not sure why yet as to the reasoning behind it, but there it is. Mr. Potter, we had a meeting last night to discuss who your Head of House was going to be. As you are a part of all four houses for whatever reason, we have decided that due to the conflict of interest it would cause, that Madam Pomfrey will be your Head of House. If you have any issues or concerns, you may speak with her or to me. Professor McGonagall has your class schedule. We felt that it would be good to allow you to stay with your friends. Therefore, you will follow the Ravenclaw schedule for the first years."
A loud gong like noise surrounded Dumbledore causing the old wizard to fall to the side his chair clutching his chest.
"Did you not hear what I was saying last night dumb ass," said the voice. "The Hat and I said that Harry is an heir to all four founders. Therefore he is a part of all four houses. He has the qualities needed to be in any and all houses. Next time I have to repeat myself I won't be so pleasant about it."
With that being said, Dumbledore carefully sat down looking around to make sure that no one was going to hit him. It was then that he realized that his under garments were wet and a foul odor was emitting from behind him. Realizing that he used the bathroom on himself in his fright, he quickly left the hall. The food appeared on the tables and the students began to eat. When the meal was done, the Heads of House all stood and began to hand out class schedules. Harry looked down at his schedule and saw that he had potions first with the Gryffindors. He, Neville, Hermione, and Susan all grabbed their bag and headed to class. They all sat down together and waited. Severus came in and with his usual efficiency quieted the class with a look.
"You will follow my instructions to the letter," he said. "Anyone caught fooling around will be thrown out and asked to not return. We seem to have some issues here in the school so I will address them immediately. Mr. Potter, I do not care who your ancestors are. You will not be given any special treatment in my classes. If I find you screwing around, I will see to it that you are punished for the rest of your life. The same goes for Longbottom."
Draco looked as if Christmas came early. He despised Harry for getting him into trouble so soon in the term as well as the events that led up to it.
"Tell me Potter," said Severus enjoying himself. "What would you get if you mixed powered root of asphodel with an infusion of wormwood?"
"Nothing Sir," said Harry. "Those two ingredients mixed together will only be a soggy mess."
"As you seem to be an expert on the subject," snapped Severus. "What would I need to add to it to make it into something?"
"You would need to add the juice from a sopophorous bean and valerian root to make the Draught of Living Death," said Harry.
"Where did you learn that?" asked Severus. "It is not in your first year potions books."
"Aunt Petunia and I bought more potions texts than what was on the list," explained Harry. "I bought an advanced potions book and that is what I discovered."
"Let's see," said Severus. "The rule is when you earn or lose points it is divided among all four houses. I will take a rounded twenty points from you for cheating."
Severus turned to look at the hour glasses on the wall in his office. Each Head of House has a set in their office. He waited for his ruling to take effect and when nothing happened, he got upset.
"I, Severus Snape, Master of this school insist that you deduct the points from Harry Potter this instant," he yelled.
"Shove your points up your ass Severus Snape," said the voice that was heard in the Great Hall the previous evening and this morning. "If you are going to dock points from him, then do so for something he has actually done wrong. Reading ahead in his course books is NOT cheating. I am awarding Harry Potter twenty points for his correct answer. I am further awarding him twenty points for listening to you yelling at him for no reason."
"You can not do that," said Severus. "Only professors in this school can add or subtract points. I will be talking to the Head Master about this."
"I don't think so," said the voice. "If you even think about it, what happened to him last night will seem like child's play. Now continue with your lesson."
Severus turned back to the class and with a glare at Harry began his lesson for the day. They were soon instructed to create a potion to cure boils.
"The instructions are on the board," snapped Severus. "You have thirty minutes to brew me a correct potion or you will lose points and receive detention."
Harry and Neville stood and went to the storeroom indicated for their ingredients. As they were passing the hour glasses, Harry noticed that it said minus twenty points in the professor's glass. When they got back to their table, they began to create the potion. Draco was waiting for an opportune time to make his move. When Harry reached away to grab his next ingredient, he flung the mandrake root towards his cauldron. Harry calmly placed is next ingredient into the cauldron and continued on not knowing what was happening. In the next instant, Draco's cauldron exploded. His sleek blond hair was now a violent blue and sticking straight up on his head.
"What in the hell?" asked a startled Severus when he realized that Ronald Weasley also had blue hair that matched Draco's. "What happened here?"
"Harry Potter threw something into my cauldron," said Draco immediately. "I saw him Professor Snape."
Severus looked over to Harry and saw the surprised expression on his face. He grinned as he pounced on Harry.
"Thought you would make yourself look good and Draco and Weasley look bad did you?" Severus sneered. "That will be one hundred points from you and a month's worth of detention."
"Wrong again bat," said the voice. "Malfoy is lying. Potter did not do this. Lord Potter, you are herby excused from the detention ordered and you will not be losing the points."
"WHY DO YOU KEEP CONTRADICTING MY AUTHORITY IN MY CLASS," yelled Severus. "Can't you just go away and let me do what I am paid to do?"
The next thing Severus knew, he was slapped behind his head. His face hit the unfinished potion on Harry's desk and boils sprouted all over his face. He quickly used the antidote.
"Evanesco," said Severus muttering the Banishing Charm. "You have just earned a zero on your daily performance."
"Evanesco," muttered Harry waving his hand at Severus and was astonished to see that Severus' clothes were vanished.
The class broke into hysterics. Severus did not understand what they were laughing at until he felt a draft and looked down. When he realized that he had no clothes on, he left the room in a hurry to put some on. When he came back he was unable to articulate words coherently. He just pointed to the door screaming for them to get out. The class quickly cleaned up their area and left the room in a hurry.
Harry and his friends had Transfiguration with the Gryffindors next. They got to the classroom with plenty of time to spare. Harry and Hermione sat together this time. This was a subject that both had an interest in. When all of the students were present the cat sitting on Minerva's desk jumped off and transformed back into the stern professor in mid jump. The class all clapped for her. She took one look at Draco and Ron, who were sitting at the table next to Harry, and started to ask what was going on. Before she spoke a word, she changed her mind feeling that it was best if she didn't ask. She had the class take notes on the subject and from there, went on to hand each student a match.
"You are to attempt to transfigure your match into a needle," she said. "You have been taught the incantation as well as the wand movement. You may begin."
Harry and Hermione waved their wand while muttering the incantation. After a few moments, both succeeded in transforming their match into a perfect shining silver needle. Harry looked to Hermione and smiled. Minerva was talking to Lavender Brown when she noticed that Draco Malfoy had reached over and swapped his match for Harry's needle. She was about to say something to reprimand him, but was cut short when the needle decided to teach him a lesson all on its own.
Draco was delighted to have stolen Potter's needle. He lifted it up to call over Minerva when the needle flew into the air and stated stabbing him in different parts of his body. He started to yell as he was getting poked. Minerva just stood there unable to do anything to help him. Harry looked down at his match and then at the commotion and realized what had happened. With a sigh, he waved his hand and the needle flew to him.
"Mr. Potter," said Minerva. "Would you care to explain to me what just happened?"
"Yes ma'am," he said. "Whenever someone does something that is designed to hurt me, my magic flares up and defends me. It would seem that when Draco tried to sabotage my potion in class, it rebounded on him. I think that is the reason why he and Weasley have blue hair that is sticking straight up. I managed to transfigure my match into a needle. I think Draco took it and my magic flared up again and punished him for attempting to cause me harm or something."
"Twenty points to you for being honest with me," she said. "You and Miss Granger earn another eight points for succeeding on your first try. Twenty five points from Gryffindor, Mr. Malfoy for theft of another person's work and a detention with me added to the week you already owe me. You will see me after class for your detention schedule."
At that time for whatever reason, the match belonging to Seamus Finnegan caught on fire.
"Five points will also be deducted from Mr. Finnegan for being an idiot," she said with a sigh. "Homework will be three feet on the uses of transfiguration and where you went wrong during your attempts. Mr. Potter and Miss Granger, please turn in a foot and a half as you have properly done the transfiguration. Class is dismissed."
Harry and Hermione went to lunch. As they sat down, they noticed that an older version of Draco was sitting there with Dumbledore. When all of the students were sitting, Albus stood up and spoke.
"Mr. Malfoy has requested a re-sort for his son," said Albus. "Therefore I need Draco to step forward so that we can get his re-sort finished."
Draco stood up from the Gryffindor table and his father and Albus were wide eyed as the blue haired boy headed to the front of the staff table.
"What in the hell has happened to my son?" asked Lucius. "Who did this to him?"
"Potter did this to him," said Severus pointing. "I have tried giving him detention and point loss, but something in the castle is stopping it."
"Wrong again Severus," said the voice. "Draco did this to himself and I will not tell you again about being cruel to Lord Potter. If I have to tell you once more, it will not be pleasant for you. Draco Malfoy attempted to sabotage Mr. Potter's potion. It backfired on him and this is the ending result."
"Severus you need to fix him quickly," said Lucius. "My son can not go around looking like that."
"I am working on the antidote, but I have no idea of what to do just yet," admitted Severus. "I am working on it. Shall we just get on with his re-sort? The sooner he is in his proper house the sooner we can all breath in relief."
Draco strutted up to the sorting hat and placed it on his head.
"You better put me in the right house this time you old piece of tinder," warned Draco. "If you don't, my father will have your burned like the trash you are."
"DUMBLEDORE," yelled the hat. "Since when, am I to be questioned about where I place a student? I have looked into Malfoy's mind and can see where he belongs. I do not take kindly to threats. I insist that you do something about this immediately."
"It is the right of the parent to dispute the sorting," said Albus. "They are entitled to ask for one re-sort. So please just do what you are supposed to do and sort Draco into his correct house. As for his threats at your destruction, I will give him a detention for his threat against a relic of the founders."
Draco sat there grinning. It was his belief that his father had gotten him out of danger and back under the watchful eye of Severus. He was not happy with the fact that Minerva had him scrubbing the bedpans in the hospital wing every night with his own toothbrush for a week or that the week following he would be scrubbing the toilets around the school by hand without using magic.
"Let's see," said the sorting hat loudly for all to hear. "The boy has no brains. He is stupid to say the least. He has no ambitions as he cries to his father when the going gets tough. He has no bravery as he is determined to cause problems for the other students. Therefore I have no choice but to place you in HUFFLEPUFF."
A moment later, two thuds were heard as both Draco and Lucius passed out. With a sigh, Albus levitated the two out of the dining hall and into a private room. Albus had no idea of how to get control back of his school. He decided to call a staff meeting for that night. Maybe if they all put their minds to it, something could be figured out.
Harry and his friends finished their lunch and then headed to Charms. This was a class that Harry was looking forward to as he knew his mother was a charms master. Professor Flitwick had them take some notes on the subject before he taught them the wand movement and incantation of the Levitation Charm. Once he was sure they had it, he instructed them to give it a try.
Harry took out his wand and with a smile waved his wand and said "Wingardium Leviosa" and had the satisfaction of watching his feather fly into the air. The only problem was that it did not stop. The feather kept going and smashed through the ceiling and into the classroom above them. It kept going right through the roof and flew away into the sky. Everyone was sitting there and watched the progress of the feather with awe on their faces. Harry meanwhile was busy banging his head on the desk. Professor Vector looked trough the hole and asked if they should expect any more missiles to come through. Harry was near tears. Hermione and Susan were rolling with laughter. Filius waved his wand and fixed the holes in the ceiling.
"Well," he said. "I have never seen anything like it before. Mr. Potter I recommend that you stop hitting your head before you hurt yourself. I will award you twenty points for that even though I am not sure what happened. It looked like the Levitation Charm, but I have never seen anything like that before in my life. Miss Granger and Miss Bones there are tissues on my desk to clean up your tears of laughter."
The class ended not long after that and the group all headed down to Herbology.
"There has got to be some respite for me here," said Harry to Hermione. "After all there are no spells in this class that we are going to be using."
"Just relax Harry," said Hermione. "You are earning points left and right and you are making everyone laugh. Keep up the good work. With you as a classmate, I will never have a dull moment."
Professor Sprout came in and started the class. They were working with some of the vines that day. Hermione went to pick up the water can when Draco shoved her onto the ground. Harry looked at Draco angrily and to his horror he saw that not even in a class with plants were things going to be easy for him. The vines proceeded to lift Draco up by his ankles and shake him. From there the vines made a lap where it placed Draco and gave him a sound spanking. Harry was near tears again and started banging his head on the table in front of him. Hermione took pity on him and had Professor Sprout conjure a pillow to put under his head to prevent too much damage.
"Why can't that stupid git just understand that if he quits, then my magic will not flare up and beat him to within an inch of his life?" asked Harry at dinner than evening. "He just doesn't quit. First he tries in potions and his hair will stay like that until Snape finds and counter for it. Then he attempts to get credit for my work in McGonagall's class, and to top it all off, he hurt Hermione in Herbology causing my magic to get the vines to whip him like a farm boy in the shed with a willow switch. This just can not keep happening to me."
"You have to admit though Harry," said Cedric smothering down his laughter. "It is pretty dam funny."
"Mr. Potter," called Albus. "You will see me in my office in ten minutes so that we may discuss your behavior today."
"What do you mean my behavior?" asked Harry. "I haven't done anything wrong. In fact I have earned points in every single class that I have been in today with the exception of potions and somehow even though Professor Snape hates me, he was unable to dock points."
"We will discuss this in private n my office," said Albus sharply. "You and your Head of House will meet with me and the other Heads of House in ten minutes n my office."
Ten minutes later, Harry was standing outside of the gargoyles waiting to be let in. He did not know the password.
"Erm," he said. "I do not know the password. Could you let me up or let someone know that I am here?"
"Forgive me Lord Potter," said the gargoyle. "Please head on up."
With that the gargoyle leaped to the side and allowed Harry entrance to the head Master's office. When he got there he could hear a shouting match going on in the office.
"That boy is a disaster in my class," yelled Severus. "I will not tolerate him causing problems. He is lying and someone in this castle is helping him and stopping me from giving him detention or point loss."
Harry was about to knock on the door when it opened and Severus came flying past. He raced back down the stairs to see what was going on and watched as Severus made a curve around the hall corner and the flew out of the front door of the castle like a midget in the circus canon. Harry bent down and picked up the professor's wand and watched as he tried to get back into the castle. The doors slammed in his face knocking him back onto the lawn in a rumpled heap. Harry headed back up to the Head Master's office and knocked on the door.
"Come in Harry," called a weary Dumbledore. "Professor Snape had to leave for a few minutes, but I am sure that he will return shortly."
"I don't think so," said Harry in an awed voice. "The last I saw, he was shooting out of the front entrance upside down. He dropped his wand on the way out."
Harry handed the wand to Albus.
"Who is helping you in this castle?" asked Albus. "Something somewhere is not right and we as professors are supposed to have control of the castle. Not some eleven year old upstart."
A slapping noise could be heard as Albus spoke.
"I am Lady Hogwarts," said the voice. "I usually do not take an interest in the going on of the lessons and point system. Severus has been aiming to get Lord Potter into trouble on your order Dumbledore. I will not allow you to harm this boy. You stated that you want him down trodden and under your control. That will not happen. You will no longer cause harm to this child."
"Is this true Albus?" asked Minerva. "Have you attempted to have Harry Potter abused? That is very unprofessional. You have us here because Severus is screaming like a little girl that he can't get his way and deduct points."
"Harry earned points from me for knowing the ingredients to the Draught of Living Death," said Hogwarts. "Severus tried to trick him with the question and when Harry got it right, he accused him of cheating and tried to deduct points. From there the Malfoy boy attempted to sabotage Harry's potion. It was stopped. Harry was accused of the attempt and Severus attempted to deduct one hundred points and to give him a month's worth of detention. I put a stop to that and took points from Severus. From what I can see, Severus is the one losing points for the professors while Filius and Minerva have earned points for treating the students fairly. Ten points to Pomona for the same reason."
"So basically even though I am the Head Master I have no say so in how I work with my students," said Albus. "This is not happening."
"Get used to it Dumbles," said Hogwarts. "I am always watching."
"So what is the purpose behind dragging Mr. Potter here?" asked Minerva. "The boy is a delight in class. He is very skilled, very intelligent and very talented."
"I agree with Minerva," said Filius. "I think it is a good idea to start teaching him some control of his magic though. He can perform the spells admirably if a bit rough."
"Dumbledore," said Hogwarts. "If you attempt to scan that boys mind once more, we will have a repeat of last night."
"NO," said Albus standing, and running up the stairs in his office. "Anything, but that. I don't think I can handle another one."
"Mr. Potter," said Minerva looking at him kindly. "Please return to whatever it was that you were going to do. You are not needed here and your behavior is impeccable. Do not worry about Severus of the Head Master. We will help keep them in check."
Harry went to his dorm and filled his dorm mates on what happened. The group didn't fully understand what was going on, but between the Heads of House and the Lady Hogwarts, they knew that Harry would be well looked after.
The next morning, a disgruntled Severus Snape was finally allowed back into the castle. He went down to his dungeons and cried. He didn't attend any of his classes for the day. Up in the Head Master's office, Albus was in a similar state. Neither man was up to anymore problems for the day.
Draco Malfoy however was another story.
AUTHOR'S NOTE – I will end this chapter right here. I want them to be fun, but at the same time, I want them to have some sort of plot to go with it. We will bump up to the troll incident next chapter. Thanks for the support.