Alright, I spent a great deal of time (read: two minutes) thinking up a clever intro to this chapter, so I've decided to initiate Rebuilding: The Drinking Game!
Go back to the start of the story, take your favourite hard liquor, pick a character, and drink every time they say a line! You have to keep drinking until you finish reading their line!
To demonstrate, I'll do it while writing!
...maybe that's not a good idea.
Read it while drunk anyway, it might make it funny.
Rebuilding
Chapter 26: Payback Time, With Interest
The Ancient Minister had the Super Smash Brothers surrounded in Shadow Moses Island, and he intended to do away with every one of them.
"Man, we're gonna have fun!" grinned Sonic excitedly. "What'll we do after we kill them?"
"We'll level this place down to the ground, we have the firepower," assured the Ancient Minister.
"How can you live with yourself, doing things like this?" asked Link, outraged.
"Organic life is so cowardly," replied the Ancient Minister. "Every time you organisms do someone wrong, you're overcome with your pathetic feelings of remorse. Look at Solid Snake over here, a classic example of what's wrong with living creatures. Feel sorry for any more captains lately, Snake?"
"You're a manipulative bastard," grunted Snake dispassionately.
"He's organic!" yelled Link, pointing at Sonic. "He'll turn on you any second!"
"Dude, like I want your pathetic emotions," scoffed Sonic.
"That's the spirit," said the Ancient Minister softly. "Now when I arrived, I seem to remember threatening to kill one of you four first...which shall it be?"
"You're not killing-a anyone!" argued Mario, stepping forward.
"Have it your way," said the Ancient Minister. "I won't do the killing."
Sonic looked eager.
"You won't either, my blue friend," decided the Ancient Minister. "I think they'll find that one of their number might just turn traitor..."
A red light on the Ancient Minister's head blinked, and a static sound started buzzing.
"Duon! Galleom!" ordered the Ancient Minister. "Do you still have the communications signal of that old Chozo Suit?"
"Affirmative!" replied Galleom's voice. "We've just been doin' some pushups! Sorry to keep you waiting, but we need to burn some carbs!"
"Activate control function!" said the Ancient Minister.
"Can do, boss!" Galleom's voice sounded eager.
"Chozo Suit?" asked Samus."That's mine! The only people that can talk through this apart from me are just a couple of house realtors!"
"Think about this, my dear," said the Ancient Minister evilly. "Who offers a house to people, a house that contains stolen Super Smash Brothers items? Were they really realtors, hmm? If they were, would they not have come straight to your aid, or tried to contact you more often through that suit of yours?"
"What are you saying?" asked Popo. Nana punched him.
"Don't interrupt him!" scolded Nana.
"I'm saying that they were my henchmen. Duon and Galleom. True soldiers in my army," smirked the Ancient Minister coolly. "And now for the best part! Control function activated!"
"What the hell is-aaaagh!" screamed Samus. Her suit fell away in fragments, and she stood before everyone, with blank pupil-less eyes.
"What is your bidding, Ancient Minister?" asked Samus in a monotone voice.
"Kill the angel," said the Ancient Minister softly.
Samus slowly took out a Paralyzer, and shot Pit with it.
"My life is flashing before my eyes!" gasped Pit, being shocked.
"Brad, you rascal!" chortled a younger Pit. "I'm not putting out on the first date!"
"Mom, Dad, I'm gay," admitted Pit, looking a couple of years older than the Pit who dated Brad.
"Yeah, we kinda guessed," replied Pit's dad.
Pit fell out of the Halberd, crushing Flint to death.
Samus shot Pit in the foot, and proceeded to use her Plasma Whip on him.
"Hey, can she kill me next?" asked Ike, eyeing the tight suit and whip eagerly.
"Stop killing the angel," ordered the Ancient Minister. "He's reliving flashbacks so horrible I don't wish him dead."
"What do you want me to do with this orb I found, boss?" asked Sonic dutifully, showing the Ancient Minister a Smash Ball.
"I don't care!" replied the Ancient Minister. "We have to join these cretins before we can harness their power, toss it in the garbage when we get back to the evil lair!"
"Oh no you don't!" shouted Kirby, stepping forward. "I've been cheated out of a Final Smash for the last time, goddamnit! I'm not going to take it any more!"
Kirby kicked Sonic in the face and stole the Smash Ball.
"He's turned evil with power!" cried Wario. "Allah save us now!"
"Can I get it, Kirby?" asked Fox. "I don't remember using my super move."
Kirby shot Fox a scathing look, and smashed the ball open with a hammer.
"Whoa, I'm likin' this!" grinned Kirby, a chef's hat appearing on his head.
A huge pot appeared, and Kirby ended up with a pan and spatula.
"I'm really liking this!" laughed Kirby triumphantly. "Wait, no, I'm not, I'm being taken over like Fox-aaaaargh!"
Kirby fell, then stood up with reddish-purple eyes.
"Kirby?" asked Yoshi fearfully.
"It's dinner time," smirked Evil Kirby evilly.
A whirling noise emitted from Kirby's pot, and everyone ran for cover.
"Awaiting instructions," said Samus emotionlessly.
"What d'you want me to do, big cheese?" asked Sonic.
"You idiots!" shouted the Ancient Minister, taking cover. "Get away!"
"Objective: Get away is too vague," said Samus. "You are the highest being in our priority. Priority dictates you wish myself and Sonic to get away from you."
Samus jumped into Kirby's pot, and Sonic followed suit.
"Useless morons!" grunted the Ancient Minister. He left his cover to punish Samus and Sonic's stupidity, but he found himself being sucked in.
"Dinner's ready!" laughed Evil Kirby. "So long!"
"Heat overload!" cried the Ancient Minister. "Brainwashing controls offline!"
The small red light on the Ancient Minister's head blew up under his hood.
"Leave now!" growled Evil Kirby, turning up the heat. Samus, Sonic and the Ancient Minister were furiously expelled from the pot, and crashed to the floor.
"They're not controlled any more!" realised Snake.
"Duuuuh," scoffed Bowser quietly.
"No!" yelled the Ancient Minister, outraged. "I just got the brainwashing feature installed after Snake left! Samus, destroy the puffball!"
"Yeah, let me get back to you on that," replied Samus, walking away.
"How dare you turn on me!" shouted the Ancient Minister. "Sonic! Do something!"
"Who are you?" asked Sonic. "How do you know my name, and why does my conscience hurt?"
Sonic looked over his shoulder, and saw the SSB nervously staring back at him.
"Hey, cool! The Super Smash Brothers!" smiled Sonic. "Can I join? I've always wanted to! These last couple weeks have been a blur though; even my memory's not that fast!"
"We'd be happy to let you join," smirked Link, shaking Sonic's hand and glaring at the Ancient Minister.
"How dare you mock me this way!" roared the Ancient Minister.
"I don't have to listen to you any more, amigo," scoffed Sonic. "You want to plunge the world into Subspace, huh? Do it without me!"
The Smashers began agreeing, until twenty voices were jeering and heckling the Ancient Minister.
"Mario, why aren't you heckling?" asked Pikachu.
"Yeah chump, you're always ready to kick me when I'm down, get a piece of the action in already!" demanded Bowser impatiently.
"You-a. Sonic," said Mario, ignoring Pikachu and Bowser. "How do we-a know you've-a truly reformed-a?"
Mario and Sonic stared at each other for a moment. The other Smashers remained silent.
"Mario, you old lunatic!" laughed Sonic, affectionately punching Mario in the shoulder. "You always used to pull the ol' bitter enemy routine on me!"
Mario's face cracked into a wide smile.
"It's-a been a while, old friend-a! I knew you couldn't-a have gone bad, I just-a knew it!" grinned Mario.
"I hate to break up the hot couple here, but we've still got one bad guy left over here," said Donkey Kong, tapping both Mario and Sonic's heads.
"I'll-a handle him," said Mario boldly, but Sonic put a hand out to stop him.
"No, I'll do it," smirked Sonic.
"You?" scoffed the Ancient Minister. "You were nothing before my control, and you'll be nothing after it!"
"You really think so?" asked Sonic cockily. He crouched down and rolled up into a ball.
"Spin Dash-a?" asked Mario, chuckling. "You're still-a doing that after so long-a!"
"You know it!" replied Sonic, laughing as he span into the Ancient Minister.
"It'll take more than one of those to stop me!" bellowed the Ancient Minister.
"How about two?" asked Sonic, still in a ball. He jumped while spinning and grinded his spikes on the Ancient Minister's robe.
"Is that all he can do?" asked Samus, raising an eyebrow.
"Hey, it works-a for him," defended Mario.
"Gotta keep the pursuit up!" grinned Sonic, leaping out of his ball shape and headbutting his former master.
"I could have you under my power easily!" raged the Ancient Minister. "I brainwashed you before, I can do it again!"
"No you can't," taunted Kirby, holding up the remains of a red diode.
"Mario, let's finish this!" called Sonic. "For old times' sake!"
"You bet-a!" agreed Mario.
Mario ran forward and pulled out FLUDD.
"Nice new tool, dude!" smiled Sonic.
"Better than-a it looks!" replied Mario. He fired FLUDD at the Ancient Minister's eyeholes.
"Hostile substance!" cried the Ancient Minister, sparks shooting out from around his head.
"He's-a distracted!" said Mario. "Now's-a your chance!"
Sonic leapt in the air and performed a Homing Attack, shooting towards the Ancient Minister at high speeds. The force of the impact Sonic made on the Minister's head knocked him out immediately.
"We did it!" smiled Sonic. "I'm free! We beat him!"
A pause. Mario and Sonic looked down at the Ancient Minister. Then, everyone else looked down with them.
"You saved us!" cheered Yoshi, leading the run up to the two heroes. Yoshi jumped on Mario and gave him a hug, much to everyone else's amusement.
"Thanks-a, Yoshi," smiled Mario, bemused.
"Mr. Sonic, thank you for turning to our side!" thanked Peach, smiling at Sonic.
"Thanks!" replied Sonic, giving her a thumbs-up. "But really, you should thank Mario too!"
Peach looked over at Mario, then gave a condescending sniff and walked off.
"What's up with your girl, Mario?" asked Sonic.
"She's-a all mad because of something-a me and Kirby were discussing-a," replied Mario quietly.
Snake walked up to Sonic, and shook his hand.
"Sonic, you, uh...didn't happen to learn any more about the Subspace plan while you were under his control, did you?" asked Snake urgently.
"Always got to be wrapped up in the serious stuff, huh Snake?" replied Sonic. "I did learn that those bombs send you to Subspace itself, and we can save New Pork City and everyone in it by simply defeating a great evil inside of it!"
The other Smashers looked up from their celebrating.
"You mean, we can find Ness?" asked Lucas.
"Jigglypuff?" asked Kirby.
"Ganondorf?" asked Bowser.
"Captain Falcon?" asked Samus.
"Luigi?" asked Mario.
"Mr. Game and Watch?" asked somebody who cared about him...Popo? He never speaks. Popo.
"That Altean fairy-boy?" asked Ike mockingly.
"That kid who got beaten up by someone who wasn't me?" asked Snake.
"Bird...man...?" finished Fox, struggling to remember someone.
"If nothing goes wrong, then yeah!" replied Sonic.
"We can rescue nine people at once!" grinned Link.
"And, we get to murder something too!" squealed Zelda in delight.
"And we've got a New Pork City regular, and two ex-villains to show us where to go!" cheered Kirby. "Let's go!"
After what seemed like an eternity, the bomb's explosion stopped. Nine Smashers fell to the ground, followed by an extra addition: Lucario, the Aura Pokemon who had saved them all.
"I thought we were getting separated again?" asked Mr. Game and Watch immediately.
"I stopped that from happening," replied Lucario. "We're in Subspace. Don't be alarmed, we are all still alive."
"Man, that was painful," groaned Marth, clutching his stomach.
"And scary!" added Ness fearfully.
"I think my heart stopped!" complained Jigglypuff.
"You don't have a heart," replied Marth flatly. "You're a balloon."
"You can't prove that," retorted Jigglypuff, sticking out her tongue.
"It's...so good to hear your...voices again..." wheezed a weak sounding voice.
"It's Master Hand!" cheered everyone except Jigglypuff and Lucario.
"It's Glover!" cheered Jigglypuff.
"What happened to you?" asked Captain Falcon. "You just disappeared after you told Mario and Link to go it alone!"
"I was ambushed...immediately..." replied Master Hand. "Listen, I don't...have a lot of time...so it's vital that I speak to each of you...first, you...who saved my Smashers..."
Lucario looked up in respect.
"You have my permission...to replace one of my deceased...Pokemon fighters..." said Master Hand. "Ness...you're the head psychic now...always remember...never give up..."
Ness nodded.
"Marth...Roy is gone...but I sense that...Mario and the others have successfully obtained...another swordsman..."
"No clones this time," said Marth, smiling weakly.
"Falcon...the reason your old friend escaped...was to alert the other Smashers...of this danger..."
"That makes sense," agreed Captain Falcon.
"Mr. Game and Watch...your seniority over Smash Brothers will always...be renowned...make sure to never let age overcome you..."
"Can do!" promised Mr. Game and Watch.
"Falco...keep supporting Fox...he's very special...and needs your care at all times...even if you are not around..."
"He's special all right," scoffed Falco.
"Ganondorf...Bowser tried to rebel against the other Smashers...if he hasn't reformed already, I'm trusting you to bring him over to the right side..."
"Should be easy," said Ganondorf.
"Young Link...the hell happened to you?"
"That doesn't matter right now," said Young Link.
"You look like...I should call you Toon Link..."
"That'll never catch on," said Toon Link.
"Jigglypuff...you're...an idiot..."
"Bears live in the woods!" smiled Jigglypuff, eyes unfocused.
"And lastly...Luigi...to the world, you may be one person...but to one person, you may be the world..." finished Master Hand.
"Really?" asked Luigi.
"Now...with the last of my power I can free you, but then I'll be gone..." wheezed Master Hand.
"Wait, who's the one pers-" began Luigi, but he was cut off.
Several things then happened at once. Master Hand sent Lucario and the nine veterans out of Subspace to various locations, the larger group of Smashers and newcomers alike charged into Subspace, and as Master Hand fell to the ground as a trophy, an angry ex-inhabitant of New Pork City surfaced from the purple haze enveloping a small area...
Read, review, tell me if you liked it, tell me if you hated it! Share your thoughts, and insert funny outro here!
I'll be replying to every one of your reviews, as soon as I finish playing Rebuilding: The Drinking Game!