A/N: Hi, all – hope everyone is wonderful! Quick, light, cathartic chapter before I take on "Fire and Ice." Much thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing, I appreciate you all!
Thanks again to shasta53 for being such an awesome (and fast!) beta!
Trails
It was a different world when Bella woke up the next morning. Although she'd taken off her ring and returned it to me with an uncomfortable half-smile, the fact still remained – Bella was going to be my wife. I hadn't deluded myself into thinking that she was as excited about it as I was, but I considered it a small victory that in her dreams, at least, it seemed she wasn't entirely opposed to the idea.
She had reluctantly fallen asleep as a storm raged outside, and within minutes, she was muttering, "won't understand," and "what do I say?" I smiled and ran my fingers through her hair, happy that I was finally starting to understand her fears.
"It isn't about them, my love," I whispered, letting my lips gently touch her ear. She shivered, and I couldn't help but remember a time not so long ago when she slept without knowing I was with her. I'd barely dared to touch her skin for fear of waking her, and kept myself silent except for the occasional humming of her lullaby to ease her nightmares. Everything had changed the day she'd let me into her life. Now, as I spoke softly, she hugged herself tightly to me and listened, even if only in her subconscious.
"There's nothing else but you and me. I love you, forever, and you've made me happier than I ever thought was possible. Don't worry, Bella. I'm going to spend the rest of my existence making sure you want for nothing."
She sighed, a smile twitching at her lips, and the words, "I love you" came so clearly, I thought she'd woken up. Then she ducked her head into the crook of my arm and fell into a deeper sleep. It wasn't until the storm outside subsided and the faintest glimmer of sunlight hit the walls of my room that she spoke again.
"I see you," she said softly. "Waiting for me." I couldn't explain it – I had no reason to let myself hope – but I felt certain in that moment that she was dreaming of our wedding day. She sighed again and mumbled, "too many flowers,," and I laughed quietly. Now even surer than before of what my Bella was dreaming, I had to play along, just for a few minutes.
"My beautiful bride," I whispered. Even in her sleep, I felt her cringe at the word, but a few seconds later, she relaxed again and nuzzled closer to me.
"Not so bad," she breathed, her chin lifting up toward me until I could see her eyelids fluttering. "Forever is good," was the last thing I heard before she fell silent again. I spent the rest of the morning staring at her with a smile on my face. When she awoke, squinting as she always did when there was light pouring in, I kissed each of her cheeks before touching my lips to hers. She giggled and laced her fingers together behind my neck. Somehow, I felt younger, newer – like I'd been given a fresh start. It was euphoria, and it was all because of her. I wished I could have reveled in the feeling for a while longer, but as the sun was replaced with clouds and the storm picked up again, I could feel her nerves creeping back in.
"You probably need a few human minutes," I said lightly, and she nodded, her eyes not leaving mine. The way she was watching me was almost calculating, like she was trying to figure out some mystery. "I'll make you breakfast," I added, closing the door behind me and hoping some time alone would clear her thoughts.
I stepped into the kitchen and began looking through cupboards. Carlisle kept the house well stocked, not only for Bella, but to keep up appearances. He enjoyed shopping, explaining that it made him feel more normal, and there were many local food banks that were kept in good supply as he endlessly rotated items. He used to keep only the basics, but when Bella had started visiting more frequently, he began paying attention to her favorites. Now I found that I had a wide array of choices, and didn't know where to begin. I must have still been staring at my options when I heard Bella's footsteps behind me.
"You don't need to make me anything fancy. I'm happy with cereal."
"I know I don't have to, but I want to. What would you like this morning?"
She shrugged, smiling as she closed the distance between us. Then she stood on her tiptoes and pulled me down to kiss her. "You," she said, grinning as she released me.
"I'm yours. Always."
I'd said it with nothing but sincerity, but she inexplicably rolled her eyes. I might have questioned it, but instead was just relieved that she appeared to be relaxed again. She tried to pour herself a bowl of cereal, but I stopped her and motioned for her to sit down.
"I told you, I'm making breakfast, even if all you want is cereal."
"Stubborn," she said, though she was smiling.
"You know, one of these days I'm going to start watching the Food Network. I'll shock you by making something truly delicious."
"I can't wait."
I brought the bowl to her, then toasted some bread. When I sat beside her, she twined her fingers with mine and watched me with that same calculating expression. I didn't have the heart to ask what it was about. If she was worried about the fight, there was nothing more I could say to ease her mind. If she was doubting whether she really wanted to marry me, I couldn't bear to hear it. So we sat together, hand in hand, her staring at me, and me trying to simply enjoy the moment for what it was – the first of many mornings spent together in our home.
When my family was a few miles away, I began to hear their mental chatter. Carlisle was pleased with the trip, but wary of what now lay before us. Esme was her usual, pensive self, concerned for her family, but wonderfully optimistic. Jasper and Emmett were anxious to start the fight, and Rose was ready for it to be over. It was Alice I heard last, and she seemed to be the only one not thinking about the fight. Knowing I would be listening, she wasted no time voicing her disapproval.
This is so unfair, and you know it. I only get to do this once, and you're trying to take it all away from me.
It only took me a second to understand what she was referring to, and I didn't want to admit how much it hurt. Of course Alice would have seen Bella running off to Vegas, because that was the only way Bella could imagine actually marrying me. I knew it had been my suggestion, but I couldn't help wishing for something a bit more traditional. Besides, it might not be for decades, or even centuries, but someday, I believed Bella would wish we'd had a real wedding.
I have the perfect dress, and it's just going to go to waste.
The indignation in her tone momentarily pushed my disappointment aside. I almost laughed when I realized I wasn't sure whether Alice was talking about her dress, or the one she'd already designed for Bella. Somehow, Alice was under the impression that this wedding was about her. It almost made me want to run away to Vegas.
"My family is almost home," I told Bella. Then I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it. "I had a lovely evening with you. I can't wait for this to officially be your home, too."
She smiled as a beautiful blush colored her cheeks, and I kissed her again. Time had passed too quickly, and I wasn't ready to let go of the peace we'd found. The noise of the voices I always heard, as well as the ticking clock that reminded me how close we were to battle, felt deafening. I kissed Bella harder, trying to keep everything else out, but far too soon, I had to let her go. When my family came through the door, their faces were sober yet determined.
Alice was the first one inside, and her eyes were seething. I didn't tell them yet. I thought it would be nice to be able to announce a real wedding, not this farce you two seem so set on. I rolled my eyes, trying my best to ignore her as the rest of my family joined us.
"Welcome home," I said in a tone that sounded too formal.
"Thank you," Carlisle said. "We've prepared as best we can. There is nothing left to do now but wait."
"Well, almost nothing," I reminded him.
"Of course." He turned toward Bella then, his voice gentle and kindness in his eyes. "It seems you have a bit of a hike ahead of you."
"From what I hear, I don't really have to worry about the hiking part. I'm more like – along for the ride."
"Yes, that's probably true," he agreed, laughing lightly before turning back to me. "I take it you're all prepared?"
"Just about. There are a few more things to gather, then we'll be meeting Jacob."
Alice scowled, wrinkling her nose. "I think – " she said, sneering, "that you're going to want to pack for cold weather, Edward. I can't see where you are exactly, because you're taking off with that dog this afternoon. But the storm that's coming seems particularly bad in that general area."
I nodded, figuring as much. The brief moments of sunlight this morning hadn't changed the fact that thick clouds were rolling in, and the wind hadn't let up. It was going to be cold, and I knew no matter how prepared we were, it was going to be a miserable night for Bella.
"It's going to snow on the mountains," she added. And you'd better pack a first aid kit, she added silently. It doesn't take psychic to know that Bella plus ice will equal the need for bandages.
I ignored Alice's snide remark. Although I had packed the first aid kit.
"Ew, snow," Bella said.
"Wear a jacket," Alice said coldly. Don't worry, I won't try to pick it out for you or anything.
I tried to hide my smile of amusement, but Alice scowled at me. As long as she didn't say anything to Bella, I didn't mind hearing her internal irritation. Whatever Bella decided was fine, and I would do my best to hide whatever disappointment I might feel if she did end up marrying me in Vegas, wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I wouldn't let her feel any more pressure than she already did.
The next hour was spent finishing packing and making sure we were ready for the night ahead. I'd gathered all our camping equipment that never got used, and tried to think of things to help Bella stay warm through the impending storm. We had a down sleeping bag and a few extra blankets. I suggested buying more at Newton's, but Bella assured me I was already over-prepared. Her face crumpled in disgust as I put dehydrated food in the backpack, but it made the most sense. I silently vowed to learn how to make her a gourmet meal when this was all over.
Alice joined us in the garage and continued her mental tirade, and I just kept packing, not wanting Bella to know anything was wrong.
This is all your fault, really. You're the one insisting on getting married before you change her. She'll be so much happier once she's one of us, I'm sure she'd let me give her a proper wedding. And you say Bella is stubborn.
I continued ignoring Alice, content that she seemed more upset with me than with Bella. When I felt certain I had everything we needed, I handed Bella my phone. "Why don't you call Jacob and tell him we'll be ready for him in an hour or so. He knows where to meet us."
Jacob wasn't home, but we both knew it wouldn't take Billy long to get the message to him. The wolves' mental connection was an extremely useful tool. As Bella finished talking with Billy, I focused my attention on Alice. She was looking wistful, and from the little she was allowing me to hear, it sounded like she was practicing what she wanted to say to Bella to make her change her mind.
"Alice," I growled quietly, my eyes darting toward Bella. She was too engrossed her conversation to notice anything.
"What?" Alice mouthed innocently. She deserves to know how I feel. I am her sister after all. Besides, I don't know what your problem is. You want a big, beautiful wedding, right? With your family there. Think of Carlisle and Esme. Bella probably hasn't even thought about all the people she'll be disappointing. Maybe if I can make her see that, we'll all get what we want.
Everyone except Bella, that is. I looked at her, nothing but love and concern in her eyes as she talked to Billy. It didn't matter what I wanted, or what Alice wanted. If Bella wanted a ten-minute ceremony without anyone else present, that would be enough for me. More than enough, because it would mean she was mine and I was hers.
I turned back to Alice, glaring, and shook my head. "Don't make her feel guilty," I whispered.
I'm not. I'm just going to make sure she's thought through all her options.
I was about to argue further, but I felt Bella handing the phone back to me. "Bill said to tell you 'good luck,' " she said.
"That was generous of him." I gave Alice one last pleading look before I turned away, but she was wasting no time.
"Bella, could I please speak to you alone?" she asked.
"You're about to make my life harder than it needs to be, Alice. I'd really rather you didn't."
"This isn't about you, Edward," she snapped, and I couldn't help but laugh. How foolish of me to think my wedding was about me.
"It's not," Alice repeated. "This is a female thing."
I glared at her, but Bella said, "Let her talk to me."
"You asked for it," I said, shaking my head. As I walked past Alice, I muttered, "This is all on you now. I take no responsibility."
She giggled and clapped her hands as I shut the door behind me. I probably should have let them talk in private – or as private as any conversation can be in our house – but I needed to hear Bella's response first-hand, rather than through Alice's thoughts. If she agreed to go along with Alice's elaborate plans, I wanted to make sure it was for the right reasons, and not because she was feeling guilty. She didn't owe any of us anything more than the love and trust she'd already shown time and again.
I waited outside while Alice said all the things I wished she wouldn't say.
"Don't you love me?" she pleaded. "Please, Bella, please – if you really love me . . . Please let me do your wedding."I almost ran back into the garage when I heard, "I'll bet Edward would like it better if you did this traditionally, though he'd never tell you that," but I couldn't make myself stop her. She was right, on both counts. It was what I wanted, and I wouldn't ever tell Bella how much it meant to me.
"Please?" Alice repeated, over and over.
"I'll never, never ever forgive you for this, Alice," Bella said, defeated.
Then, through Alice's eyes, I saw the wedding Alice had been planning so long. The dress she'd designed for Bella – one that belonged in a different century, my century – and Bella, radiant and perfect, descending our staircase with flowers in her hair.
"Yay!" Alice shouted, breaking me away from the vision too soon.
"That's not a yes!" Bella argued.
"But it will be," she chirped.
"Edward!" Bella yelled, and my momentary happiness at seeing everything I'd longed for disappeared. "I know you're listening. Get over here." The dismay I heard in her voice reminded me that she was my first priority, her happiness the only that that mattered. Clearly Alice had no such concerns, as she clapped giddily behind Bella.
"Thanks so much, Alice," I said coldly. When Bella's eyes met mine, they were red and glassy, like she was nearly crying. How could Alice have kept pressuring her when it was upsetting her so much? Bella threw her arms around my neck and squeezed with all her strength.
"Vegas," I reminded her, wishing we had time to go right now, so all this would be done with.
"Not a chance," Alice said. "Bella would never do that to me. You know, Edward, as a brother, you are sometimes a disappointment."
"Don't be mean," Bella chided. "He's trying to make me happy, unlike you."
"I'm trying to make you happy, too, Bella. It's just that I know better what will make you happy . . . in the long run. You'll thank me for this. Maybe not for fifty years, but definitely someday."
"I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be willing to take a bet against you, Alice, but it has arrived."
She laughed lightly, the whole situation amusing her now that she saw it going the way she wanted. "So, are you going to show me the ring?"
Before either Bella or I could stop her, she grabbed Bella's hand, scrutinized the place where her ring should be, then dropped it. "Huh. I saw him put it on you . . . Did I miss something?" She closed her eyes for a moment, a sea of wedding images filling her mind once more. I tried to remind myself it wasn't what Bella wanted, but it was hard to believe when Alice could see it all so clearly. In every vision, Bella was positively beaming. "No. Wedding's still on," she said, her eyes focusing on Bella's empty ring finger again.
"Bella has issues with jewelry," I said casually, not wanting Bella to feel bad. She could wear it whenever she was ready.
"What's one more diamond? Well, I guess the ring has lots of diamonds, but my point is that he's already got one on – "
"Enough, Alice!" I snarled. From the corner of my eye, I could see Bella's mouth open in surprise. I couldn't tell whether it was because she'd understood what Alice had meant or because of the way I'd just snapped. I quickly regained composure and said quietly, "We're in a hurry."
"I don't understand. What's this about diamonds?" Bella asked.
"We'll talk about it later," Alice said, and I shot her a glace that said, we will not be talking about this later, which she promptly ignored. "Edward is right – you'd better get going. You've got to set a trap and make camp before the storm comes."
Though her thoughts were filled with uncertainty due to the wolves' presence, Alice began seeing visions of snow clouds rolling in. She saw Bella shivering, miserable as she wrapped her arms around her chest. Of course there would be nothing I could do for her – I was as icy as the snow that would be falling around her. The best I could do was pack for the weather, and get her inside the tent before the worst of the storm hit.
"Don't forget your coat, Bella," Alice told her, her eyes flickering to mine for a split second. "It seems . . . unseasonably cold."
"I've already got it," I promised.
Such a horrible night for her to be up there, she thought dismally, though she smiled at Bella and told her, "Have a nice night."
When Alice had left, Bella looked at me expectantly. "Are are ready for this?" she asked in a whisper.
"As ready as I can be, given the circumstances. You'll be in the safest place possible, far away from the fight – but first we need to make sure the newborns are crazy with your scent."
"If that's all I can do to help – " she said, looking down, almost embarrassed.
"It's perfect. It's exactly what we need to make sure they follow the path we want them to."
She smiled reluctantly and leaned down to pick up her backpack. Before her fingers could touch it, however, it was over my shoulders and she was in my arms. Her smile grew wider as she lifted her chin up to kiss me. A moment later, we were flying through the trees. I took a different, longer route than our usual one, careful not to let her scent drift anywhere near the path she would be taking later. When we reached the clearing, I set her down, reveling for a moment in the way her fingers gripped my collar, not wanting to let go. I gave her a reassuring look as I released her, hoping she knew I would always rather keep her in my arms.
"All right," I said. "Just walk north for a ways, touching as much as you can. Alice gave me a clear picture of their path, and it won't take long for us to intersect it."
"North?" she repeated, and I smiled as I motioned in the direction. She walked slowly and determinedly, touching trees, rocks, the grass – everything in her path. Every few steps, she would glance in my direction, and I nodded encouragingly. I could already picture the frenzied eyes of the newborns when they caught the scent they'd been obsessed with. I was proud of her strength, and her desire to help in whatever way possible, but still, it was difficult – almost painful – to think of the newborns tracking her that way. It reminded me too much of another tracker who had almost cost me my reason for existing.
"Am I doing this right?" she asked, her hands tracing a path along a fallen, moss-covered tree.
"Perfectly," I assured her.
Her face lit up as she called, "Will this help?" Then I watched in fascination as she pulled our several hairs and left them trailing across a row of ferns.
"Yes, that does make the trail stronger. But you don't need to pull your hair out, Bella. It will be fine."
"I've for a few extras I can spare," she said. Her mood had gotten so much brighter, I didn't argue with her any further.
Bella continued her slow walk through the brush, tracing branches with her fingers and leaving hairs wherever she thought the wind wouldn't carry them away. Though I could tell she was still happy with the progress she was making and the help she was able to offer, something in her expression was off. Her eyes were distant and unfocused, and something told me it wasn't concern about the fight that was troubling her.
"You don't need to let Alice have her way, you know," I offered, and the slight jump of her heart told me I'd guessed right.
"Don't worry about it, Edward," she said, trying to sound nonchalant. "I'm not going to leave you at the altar, regardless."
"That's not what I'm worried about," I promised. "I want this to be what you want it to be."
Bella took a deep breath, and I could hear the words she wouldn't utter. None of this was what she wanted, but, as always, she would go along with whatever would make everyone else happy. I wanted to tell her that the moment the fight was over, she and I would disappear. We'd go somewhere, anywhere, as long as we were together. We could get married on some far away island and she wouldn't have to tell a soul. I wanted to make her happy – but I also wanted everything Alice had seen.
I wanted Bella in a beautiful gown, with flowers in her hair and all around her. I wanted her parents there to see her joy, because, although they would never know the magnitude of what choosing me – of choosing this life – meant, they should know that their daughter was marrying someone who loves her more than anything. I wanted them to know I would always take care of her. I wanted Esme and Carlise to witness the moment when Bella would officially join our family, and to welcome her with open arms. I wanted to shout to the world that, although I deserved none of it, I was getting everything I could ever ask for and more.
I wanted it all, but because I loved Bella more than my own life, I admitted none of it.
"Well," I said, infusing my tone with as much casual indifference as I could muster, "even if she does get her way, we can keep it small. Just us. Emmett can get a clerical license off the Internet."
She laughed, and I knew with even more certainty that the only thing I cared about was making her happy. "That does sound better," she said.
"See. There's always a compromise."
I watched as she continued making a trail, and it wasn't long before I could hear Jacob's thoughts in the distance. I was surprised to hear him thinking about the night ahead as much as I was. He was planning on staying with us so we could communicate with the rest of the group, and Seth would take his place just before the fight. I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but I was glad he was giving Seth the chance to rest tonight. I wanted Seth at his best tomorrow, since he was our only connection to the fight.
Jacob wasn't far, and would be at the clearing shortly. He was running in his wolf form, but had decided to arrive human. Though he was surprised and delighted at the easy way Bella appeared to accept him as a wolf, he'd never really gotten over the fear that he would scare her. He kept waiting for her to be frightened at the monster he was. I laughed under my breath, because for once, I understood exactly how he felt.
When we arrived at the place Alice saw as our most advantageous position for the fight, Bella made one last circle, touching everything in her path, and then we began the return trip. I tried to let Bella lead – oddly enough, she seemed to be almost enjoying herself – but a few times, I could tell she was feeling lost. Once she saw the place where we'd begun our journey, her pace sped up, and I was about to remind her to be careful, but I was too late. Before I had time to catch her, Bella was in a heap on the ground. I smelled her blood instantly.
"Ouch!" she called out, then mumbled, "oh, fabulous."
"Are you all right?"I asked without moving. It only took a moment to realize that I was hesitating more out of habit than any other reason, and I felt a wave of relief.
"I'm fine. Stay where you are," she answered quickly. "I'm bleeding. It will stop in a minute."
I felt triumphant as I flew to her side, grateful that I could finally help her instead of having to hold my breath and shy away. "I've got a first aid kid," I told her, reaching into the backpack. "I had a feeling I might need it."
"It's not bad. I can take care of it – you don't have to make yourself uncomfortable."
"I'm not uncomfortable," I promised, ecstatic that it was the truth. "Here – let me clean it."
"Wait a second, I just got another idea," she said, her eyes lighting up in with a strange excitement as she pressed her bleeding palm against a rock.
"What are you doing?"
"Jasper will love this," she said, hurrying to touch everything she could. "I'll bet this really gets them going."
She misread my sigh and looked at me apologetically. "Hold your breath," she suggested.
"I'm fine. I just think you're going overboard."
"This is all I get to do. I want to do a good job."
I remembered with far too much clarity how quickly Jasper had lost control when she'd shed only a few small drops of blood. This much was sure to leave the newborns crazed and unable to think about anything but finding her – which made me more than a little apprehensive. Though I hated how she would have to get there, I was grateful in that moment that Jacob's stench would be covering her trail to our location.
"Well, you have," I told her, attempting a smile. "The newborns will be frantic, and Jasper will be very impressed with your dedication. Now let me treat you hand – you've gotten the cut dirty."
"Let me do it, please."
I smiled as I took her hand, and felt a surge of pride as I was able to say with total confidence, "This doesn't bother me anymore."
She watched me quizzically as I tended to her wound, and I felt my grin widen. I knew my instinct to protect her had grown exponentially stronger after I thought I'd lost her, and I found that in the times when I did feel some twinges of blood lust, it was almost immediately replaced by fear that I could somehow hurt her. I'd felt how greatly things had changed, yet in this circumstance, with her all but flaunting her blood – which still sang to me like no other – it was a very satisfying feeling to know there wasn't even a hint of temptation.
Her palm was clean, and as I finished wrapping the bandage around it when she finally asked, "Why not?"
Not sure how best to describe it – after all, it should be an impossibility – I simply shrugged. "I got over it."
"You . . . got over it?" she gasped. "When? How?"
As much as I hated to think about that dark day, the longest of my endless life, I owed her the best explanation I could manage. I thought back to how it had felt – the moment when I'd first learned what Alice had seen, and then when Jacob said the words that seemingly confirmed my worst fears. I felt almost numb as I remembered how my vision had clouded and my heart sank. There was an emptiness within me I'd never felt, and I could think of nothing other than, I can't exist without her.
When she came to me again, when she'd saved me in every way, it was almost enough to make me believe I still had a soul. Something far beyond my body or my mind was reaching out to her, embracing her. I felt a shift in the essence of my being, and it changed everything about the way I viewed the world. I'd been granted a reprieve, a second chance I shouldn't have been allowed, and what came of it was more than my simply making another vow to protect Bella.
All of the deplorable instincts I'd fought for so long shut down. I was thirstier than I'd ever been, having nearly starved myself in the weeks before, yet I felt no ache or burn when she was wrapped in my arms. There was only joy. And when the burn did return, as always it must, I silenced it with a vehemence that came from somewhere in my subconscious. My need to protect her from everything, including myself, had taken on a life of its own.
"I lived through an entire twenty-four hours thinking that you were dead, Bella. That changed the way I look at a lot of things."
"Did it change the way I smell to you?" she asked, still confused.
"Not at all. But . . . having experienced the way it feels to think I've lost you... my reactions have changed. My entire being shies away from any course that could inspire that kind of pain again."
I wasn't sure if I was explaining it right, but her expression conveyed something close to gratitude. Truly, I was grateful above all else, so I hoped that meant she understood. "I guess that you could call it a very educational experience."
She looked like she wanted to say more, but the wind picked up and I saw her shiver. I retrieved her heavier jacket and helped her into it. "All right. You've done your part. Now it's out of our hands. Let's go camping!"
She laughed at my sarcasm, and I gently took her hand in mine, wishing we had just a few more minutes together before I had to leave her in Jacob's care. I'd been carefully tuning him out since I'd first heard his approach, but at the sight of us together, his internal monologue grew too loud to ignore.
For him thinking he's such a great protector, she sure does get hurt a lot, he thought icily, staring at her bandaged hand.
"Where are we meeting Jacob?" Bella asked, not having spotted him yet.
"Right here."
Jacob stepped slowly out from the trees until he was in full view. Don't know why I bothered, he thought, irritated as he bunched up the jacket he carried. Of course the psychic knew it was going to be cold. Should have just left it in the forest.
It would never cease to amaze me, Jacob's ability to get caught up on such petty things as whose jacket Bella would wear, when there was so many more important things going on. His juvenile concerns did not make me feel confident about the important task he was about to take on.
"There had to have been a better way to do this."
"Too late now," Bella sighed, squeezing my hand. Then she put on her best smile, one that I recognized as taking a great deal of effort. "Hey, Jake," she said casually.
"Hi, Bella."
"Hello, Jacob," I said calmly.
Yeah, whatever. "Where do I take her?"
I took out the map showing our destination, and handed it to Jacob. "We're here now," I said, gesturing to our location. Jacob recoiled, staring at my hand in disgust, like vampirism was a disease he could catch. I didn't give him the satisfaction of a response. "And you're taking her up here," I explained, tracing the route to the top. "Roughly nine miles."
Outwardly, Jacob nodded, the picture of compliance, but I could hear fleeting thoughts of taking Bella somewhere else entirely so he could protect her. If it weren't for his compulsive need to fight and destroy, I might have worried he would act on the notion.
"When you're about a mile away, you should cross my path. That will lead you in. Do you need the map?"
Jacob glanced at me for a split second and I knew he could tell by my tone that I'd heard what he was considering. "No, thanks," he said flatly. "I know this area pretty well. I think I know where I'm going." I'm not going to kidnap her. I wouldn't miss this fight for anything.
"I'll take a longer route. And I'll see you in a few hours." Then I turned to Bella and tried to find the courage to leave. I didn't want her with Jacob, even knowing he would bring her safely to me. Our enemies were so close now, it seemed wrong for us not to be together.
"See you," she said softly, and I knew I had no choice. We needed Jacob's stench to cover up the trail. I left without another word, fearing that I might say something to make Bella feel badly. This was our only option, and I wouldn't let her worry about how much it was upsetting me.
I ran as fast as I could, determined not to listen in on their conversation. The farther away I was, the harder it was to hear Jacob's thoughts. For the first few miles, I filled my mind with everything from foreign languages, to songs, to poetry. As I struggled to keep everything around me out, I started to laugh – this must be what Alice felt like when trying to block me from reading her mind.
When I was far enough away, I let my thoughts clear and was happy to find my mind silent. I tried to enjoy it, but the quiet didn't feel nearly as peaceful as it had the night before, when Bella had been beside me. Now, the sounds of the trees rustling and the wind around me, just reminded me that I was alone.
It was amazing how much the world had changed since finding Bella. There was a time when I would have given anything to retreat to a silent sanctuary like that, to get away from the chatter and the internal angst of everyone around me. Now, all I wanted was to be with Bella, and wherever she wanted us to spend our life, whatever she wanted to do, that was fine. I would go to Alaska to help her avoid temptation. I would endure decade after decade of repeating high school or college or anything else that made her happy. Though I had to admit, a few years alone together in some remote location, away from humans, and even my family – simply away – that had possibilities.
It was dangerous to let my imagination get away from me when there was so much at stake over the next twenty-four hours. I continued in my hurried pace until I reached the place we would be setting up the camp site. The chill in the air was getting harder to ignore, and as the wind started to pick up, I could see the snow beginning to fall. I set up the tent, then secured it until I was certain wild grizzlies couldn't knock it down. Perhaps I'd gone a bit overboard, but only time would tell how violent the elements would be tonight, and I preferred to err on the side of caution.
In my struggled not to think about where Jacob and Bella were, and what they were talking about, I let my thoughts drift somewhere I'd purposely been ignoring – the fight. My family wasn't upset by my decision to stay with Bella, and they were no less certain of a victory than they'd been when I was planning to fight with them. Still, it didn't make the choice any easier. Although I felt confident things would all go as planned, there was something nagging at the back of my mind, almost as if we were missing something extraordinarily obvious that would change everything. Perhaps it was the simple fact that, while I was grateful for the connection Seth would be able to give us to the pack, I never imagined I would be watching the fight helplessly, through the eyes of a wolf.
I didn't know how long I'd let my mind wander, but sooner than I'd expected, I could hear Jacob's thoughts.
Just give it a rest, Bella. Please, not now. This is so not something I wanted to be talking about today.
I'd made such an effort not to listen in, but curiosity started to get the better of me. I had to know what Bella was discussing that would make him so frustrated.
"Well, if it's about the lineage . . . shouldn't you be the chief, then?" Bella was asking. Jacob then proceeded to talk around the fact that he had, in fact, shirked responsibility, and let Sam take his place as leader of the pack.
I supposed I had no right to judge – it was a huge responsibility, one that I'm not sure I would ever have stepped up to. I often thought about what Carlisle did for our family, the decisions he made, and I don't know whether I would have had that kind of strength. Sam had many of the same obligations, teaching the new wolves what he knew and helping them transition. He also had the overwhelming responsibility of making certain orders irrefutable. It would be a difficult thing to do – deciding when it was best to command with that kind of authority, not to leave anything to chance.
I tried to ignore the remainder of Bella and Jacob's conversation, but it was impossible not to hear the air of wonderment in Bella's voice when she tried out the words, "Chief Jacob." I busied myself with checking the tent for probably the dozenth time, then took to pacing. There was nothing left for me to do, and with the snow blustering around me, all I could think about was getting Bella under shelter. Just when I thought I wouldn't be able to stand the wait any longer, I heard Jacob's footsteps.
"Bella!" I cried when they stepped into sight, and I flew to her side. Jacob muttered something, his thoughts even more impolite than what he was letting show on his face, but I couldn't bring myself to care. My arms wound tightly around Bella, and the world was right again.
"Thank you," I said, looking at Jacob, unable to feel anything but gratitude. "That was quicker than I expected, and I truly appreciate it."
It wasn't for your benefit, he thought, shrugging absently. "Get her inside. This is going to be bad – my hair's standing up on my scalp. Is that tent secure?"
"I all but welded it to the rock."
"Good." Jacob lifted his eyes to the storm, breathing it in as if he could feel exactly how rough this was going to get.
I'm sure you already know I'm staying tonight, since you never seem to be able to stay out of my head. I don't like it any more than you, but you need to be able to stay in touch with everyone. Speaking of which –
"I'm going to change," he said, looking only at Bella. "I want to know what's going on back home."
He walked away, muttering things I would never repeat to Bella. I looked at her in time to see the forlorn expression she quickly tried to hide, and though she'd never say it to me, I knew what she wanted.
He'd never agree to it like I had, and quite possibly, she would never ask, but I knew Bella wanted Jacob to stay out of the fight too.