Im sry i cnt fink of a gud ntro dis tiem i plaed teh drinkin gaem wif krbys lins + scotch + nw im durnk
reed mi chapter of rebuldang plz
ur all vry prtty
Rebuilding
Chapter 27: Baggage - Both Sand and Emotional
The current Super Smash Brothers all crashed headlong into Subspace as Lucario and the old Super Smash Brothers were cleared off.
"This is what the Minister wanted us to do to this place?!" asked Sonic incredulously, looking around at the blank purple abyss. "Mondo-messed up, man!"
"Certainly a massive place," said Pokemon Trainer, with mild surprise. "Was it this big before the explosion, Lucas?"
"Yes, it was!" replied Lucas fearfully. "Now it's all gone!"
"Hey, don't worry about it," smiled Link kindly, kneeling down to Lucas' level. "Remember, we just need to defeat whatever evil lies here, then the whole city will come back!"
"Really?" asked Lucas, looking up at Snake and Sonic. "Do you two know how the bombs work?"
The two ex-members of the Subspace Army glanced at each other quickly before looking back at Lucas.
"Well..." hesitated Snake.
"It's a bit detailed..." said Sonic in a subdued tone.
Lucas nodded, and then noticed something on the ground.
"This is something from the city!" gasped Lucas. He picked it up and showed it to everyone.
"Looks like a sign," said Popo. Nana clubbed him with her hammer.
"Don't state the obvious!" scolded Nana. "You just anger me so much!"
"What's 'Empire Porky'?" asked Meta-Knight, reading the sign.
"Porky's a bad man!" replied Lucas at once. "I bet he's who we have to beat up to save New Pork City!"
"Kid, there's a big difference between bad and evil," said Bowser, standing upright. "Look, me and Wario for example. We're bad dudes, no doubt about it!"
Mario rolled his eyes.
"Bowser-a, try to sugarcoat-a this a little bit-a!" said Mario.
"Uh-huh, nice, if I was listening I'm sure I would agree," nodded Bowser. "Anyway, we're bad. Whoever the Ancient Minister's working for is just friggin' evil."
"And don't come crying to Allah when this guy jihads your town," advised Wario. "Hey wait...Pikachu, does your inferior religion prophesize anything about Subspace?"
"My religion is real, thank you very much," shot back Pikachu angrily. "And no, I've only scribed up to the 16-bit Testament."
"Why's there a doodle of me eating swirly chocolate in the corner of this page?" asked Kirby, looking over Pikachu's shoulder. "If you've got something to say, come out and say it, beeyotch!"
"Swirly chocolate?" asked Pikachu. "Can't you recognise art? It's obviously brown Play-Do!"
"Mac, I'ds say your drawings is terrible," scoffed Diddy Kong. "And what's this writings about my accents? My accent is nots stupids, mac!"
"To Sony with all of you!" bellowed Pikachu, spraying disc cleaner on Kirby and Diddy Kong. "Away! Away from the holy manual!"
"Um...guys..." said Lucas feebly, watching Kirby and Diddy Kong beat up Pikachu, and everyone else scold Bowser and Wario. "...I think I found the evil thingy...guys?"
A large red dog with a bird on its head, annoyed at having been ignored since it appeared at the very end of last chapter, roared at Lucas.
"Alright, where is it?" asked Kirby impatiently, letting Pikachu go.
"Yeah kid, we were trying to teach you something," said Bowser angrily.
"Th-there it is!" cried Lucas, pointing at the dog. "The Ultimate Chimera!"
"Deal with it yourself, you little brat!" snarled Bowser. "We're trying to argue over here!"
"I'm no match for him!" cried Lucas desperately. "No-one is!"
"I know someone-a!" declared Mario, holding up the Master Hand trophy. Mario touched the base (shut up), and Master Hand weakly returned once again.
"I'll...do this...Mar..io..." coughed Master Hand, firing one finger rocket at the Ultimate Chimera.
Master Hand trophified himself once more.
"Well, that was lame and anticlimactic," scoffed Samus as New Pork City returned to normal. "I was expecting him to give a speech or something, but nooooo..."
"Yeah-a, I think-a he only even saw me-a," said Mario.
"Should we say a few words for Master Hand?" asked Link, taking off his hat in respect.
"Yeah, I'll-a start," replied Mario. "He may-a have been a hand-a..."
"Holy crap, a stadium!" cheered Fox excitedly.
Mario stopped his speech and the Smashers ran to check it out.
"Wow, they've got the Home-Run Contest!" beamed Yoshi, pointing at a billboard next to the door.
"What's the Home-Run contest?" asked Pit.
"It's-a competition to see who can-a whack a sandbag-a the farthest-a in just ten seconds-a!" replied Mario excitedly.
"Say Samus, maybe you'd like to whack my sandbag..." said Ike slyly, putting his arm around Samus.
Samus sprayed mace at Ike's eyes.
"Yeah, you love spraying, don't you?" asked Ike, leering. "Bow chicka-"
Samus threw a mace at Ike's eyes.
With cries of "Oh god, the pain!" in the background, the Smashers watched as Mario climbed onto the centre platform where Sandbag stood. Yeah, that's right! You read correctly! Sandbag's back!
"It's-a good to see you, buddy-a!" smiled Mario. "Remember me from-a the last two tournaments-a?"
"No!" screamed Sandbag. "You stay away from me! All of you! I want to live! LIVE! LIIIIIIVE!"
Sandbag curled up on the ground and cried.
"What a joker-a!" laughed Mario. "See newcomers-a, Sandbag acts afraid of us, because-a he loves to make us all-a laugh!"
Mario pulled back his fist.
Sandbag shed a single tear.
Mario punched Sandbag in the gut.
"WHY?! WHY MUST MY LIFE BE FILLED WITH ABUSE AND TORMENT!" asked Sandbag wildly. "WHY!?"
Mario picked up the Home-Run Bat provided.
"And after-a you smack him-a up like a little bitch-a," Mario told the rest. "You take this bat-a..."
"NO! NOT THE PAIN STICK! NO-HO! NOOOO!" screamed Sandbag. "I beg you!"
Oblivious to Sandbag's cries, Mario smashed Sandbag in the face with the Home-Run Bat.
Sandbag broke through the shield protecting the platform and flew through the air, crying out in protest.
"OW! THE BROKEN GLASS!" cried Sandbag, a shard of glass in his eye.
"Fly! Flyyyyy!" chanted the Smashers.
"Then-a you record the distance-a!" finished Mario, watching Sandbag fly.
Sandbag hit the ground, and grinded agonisingly, scraping his skin off as he slid along the unpaved, gravel track.
"YOU'RE ALL INSANE!" screamed Sandbag, bleeding sand everywhere.
As soon as Sandbag landed, he was teleported straight back to the platform for easy use.
"I've seen so...so many things..." sobbed Sandbag. "Why Mario, why?"
"Well, that was fun!" said Ike, removing the mace from his eye. "Let's go check out the rest of the city!"
The Smashers left, as Sandbag cried.
"Hurry-a!" cried Mario. "We have-a no idea what else-a could be here!"
"Marios, mac, we is rights behind you!" panted Diddy, trying to keep up.
Yoshi and Pikachu, trailing at the back, suddenly saw something glowing in an alleyway.
"Mario, guys, there's something back here!" called Yoshi, pointing at the alley.
"Yeah, it was glowing!" grinned Pikachu. "It looked like another Smash Ball, should we check it out?"
"Naaaah," dismissed Kirby. "All the cool people already got their Final Smashes!"
"A-hem?" asked Fox, tapping his foot impatiently.
"Okay, and some of the lamers," said Kirby.
"Thank you," sniffed Fox indignantly.
"And Pit got his," added Kirby.
"Oh I see," said Pit angrily. "So the hierarchy here is basically: Kirby, other cool people, lamers, Pit? I get it. Point taken!"
"Yeah, pretty much," replied Kirby.
"Sounds about right," nodded DK.
"Yeah, I agree," agreed Ike.
The other Smashers nodded in agreement with each other.
"I hate you all," sulked Pit.
"There's also a Pokeball and an Assist Trophy!" noticed Yoshi, showing everyone.
Everyone paid attention and walked into the alleyway.
"Hey, where's Zelda?" asked Link.
Everyone ignored him.
"Can I use the Pokeball, please?" asked Lucas timidly, stepping up to Yoshi.
"Aww, what a polite little guy," grinned Yoshi.
"Hey, politenesss is already taken, bub," said Link, thrusting his thumbs into his armpits. "Yours truly's fielding that one. You can take being timid."
"Can't I be the lovable klutz?" asked Lucas.
"That's me," grinned Yoshi, giving the Pokeball to Lucas.
Yoshi forgot to let go of the Pokeball, fell over, and opened it anyway.
"Aww..." sighed Lucas.
A white cat with a coin on his forehead surfaced.
"'ey, what's the dealio?" asked the cat. "I was just chillin' in my Ball when I ended up out here!"
"Oh, hey Meowth," said Pikachu stonily.
"Peeks, what's the haps?" asked Meowth.
"You know each other?" asked Pokemon Trainer. "How curious, I thought Meowth mainly resided on Route 5, while the Pikachu is common to Viridian Forest?"
Meowth stared blankly at Pokemon Trainer. "Who's the square?"
"Oh, you Pokemon and your frivolity and your lack of respect for humans!" laughed Pokemon Trainer.
"Yeah...okay..." nodded Meowth uncertainly. "Anyhoo, who sent me out?"
"Yo," said Yoshi, raising a hand.
"Uh-huh, and who was next to him?" asked Meowth.
"Uh...I was, Mr. Kitty, sir," said Lucas, nervously shuffling forward.
"Sorry kid, but I'm gonna have to throw coins atcha," apologised Meowth.
Lucas sighed. "I understand..."
Meowth threw razor-sharp coins at Lucas at a high speed.
"You know, I didn't actually expect any other attack from you," criticized Pikachu.
Meowth stopped beating up Lucas for a moment.
"Is that so?" asked Meowth, snarling at the electric mouse.
"Yeah, it's so," replied Pikachu, snarling at the...normal...cat.
"Think you can do better?" asked Meowth threateningly.
"Sure," replied Pikachu coolly.
Pikachu ripped the coin off Meowth's forehead and threw it at him.
"Ow! That's linked straight to my brain!" screamed Meowth, bleeding.
"Yeah, it's in the Pokedex," said Pokemon Trainer, looking up Meowth. "Linked to his brain, yepper."
Meowth died.
"Father, I have sinned," said Pikachu softly, taking out a necklace with a cross on it. "I took a life, please forgive me, your Wrightiness."
"Why's there a cross there?" asked DK. "Aren't you part of a NES religion?"
"It's a D-pad," explained Pikachu, showing DK.
"Hey, where's Zelda?" asked Link.
Everyone ignored him.
"So, which rejected character from the good old days is going to appear to cause some useless banter amongst us all this time?" asked Samus, picking up the Assist Trophy.
"Axed characters from old games can be such a turn-off," purred Ike, sidling up to Samus. "Luckily for you, I'm fairly recent...maybe it's time Fire Emblem and Metroid made a crossover..."
Samus grimaced, and broke the Assist Trophy off of Ike's face.
A boxing midget with green gloves hopped out of the trophy, looking eager.
"Alright, I'm ready!" said the boxer, hopping from foot to foot in anticipation. "I can do it! I'm the one!"
"...Neo?" asked Meta-Knight, his eyes widening.
"No, it's Little Mac!" smiled Pikachu. "He's the Holy Warrior who braves the rough seas to deliver the gift of fighting games to the young gamers of yesteryear!"
"Rough seas?" asked Little Mac, stopping his hopping. "No, I just beat people up until they played the game."
Pikachu consulted the Holy Instruction Manual. "Oh, my mistake."
"Are you sure that's right?" asked Samus. "The guy's tiny."
"I'm big," said Ike. "Why don't you check my pocke-"
"Hit him," said Samus quickly to Little Mac.
Little Mac dashed at Ike, and delivered two fierce jabs.
"Ow!" grunted Ike. "That was a minor annoyance! I think you might even have left a small bruise! Don't play so roughly, little boy!"
"It's Little Mac, mac," corrected Diddy Kong.
"Yeah, don't be so mean to Pacman, Ike!" reprimanded Fox.
"Whatever, not like the little punk's gonna hurt me," scoffed Ike.
"Maybe you didn't hear me earlier!" yelled Little Mac. He caught Ike off-guard with a quick uppercut, hitting Ike's sack.
Ike's sack fell to the ground and spilled.
"Aw man, my rucksack!" cried Ike in dismay. "Look, you knocked all my stuff out! My change of armor, my wallet, it's all over the ground! Why'd you have to go and spill my sack?"
Little Mac kicked Ike in the crotch. The latter fell over and began to cry.
"Hey, where's Zelda?" asked Link.
Everyone ignored him.
"Miss Samus, don't you think you're a little hard on Mr. Ike?" inquired Peach. "I mean, he might be an uncouth and borderline perverted young man, but at least he prioritizes you over the advice of young children."
Peach looked over at Mario as she finished talking.
"I apologised-a!" shouted Mario, frustrated.
Peach ignored him.
"Peach, sometimes you've just got to let yourself go with some casual violence," explained Samus. "Look around you! All the girls here are into it! How many times have you heard Zelda threaten people under her breath? And look at Nana!"
Peach saw Nana, beating Popo with a hammer.
"That's – for wearing – my parka!" shouted Nana between blows.
"I'm not!" whimpered Popo. "I always have the blue one! Yours is pink!"
Nana took Popo's hammer and began hitting him with both of them.
"This is for reminding me that I'm colour blind!" shouted Nana.
"I guess you're right," sighed Peach, turning back to Samus.
"And you have the highest number of reasons to beat people up!" encouraged Samus. "Mario was willing to end things with you because Kirby told him to, Bowser and Wario mutter dirty things about you when he thinks no-one's listening, and nobody in your kingdom respects you!"
"Yeah!" said Peach. "I just wish there was someone in the Mushroom Kingdom who actually cared about Peach as opposed to Princess Peach!"
"So how about you get your own back?" asked Samus. "Check out the Smash Ball, it's still there. Go get Mario, go pay him back!"
Peach tapped on the Smash Ball Samus gave her, and nervously forced her arm through it.
"There you go!" smiled Samus, as Peach's eyes glowed red.
"Mario, could I speak to you for a moment?" asked Evil Peach sinisterly.
"Are we getting-a back together-a?" asked Mario hopefully.
Wordlessly, Peach began to dance.
"Hel-lo!" said Bowser excitedly, bringing himself and Wario over to Peach at surprising speed. "No way! She's dancing! For us!"
"This is great!" cheered Wario, rubbing his palms together. "This is so great that-"
Wario fell asleep.
"Pansy!" scoffed Bowser. "He can't handle a woman like that! Peach, how about you and me ditch these losers and see if we can find the New Pork Hotel?"
"Shut up-a, Bowser!" said Mario angrily. "Don't-a talk to her like...like that-a...urrgh..."
Mario fell asleep too.
"Well Mr. Bowser, looks like you're the last one standing," said Evil Peach, a malevolent smile creeping onto her face.
"Hells yeah!" grinned Bowser, ecstatic. "Come on, let's go already! Make with the hotelling!"
Bowser didn't fall asleep.
Evil Peach sighed. "Well, I guess that's it for my super move...how disappointing..."
A shower of peaches fell from the sky and crushed Bowser.
"Maybe you can hit them while they're asleep," advised Samus.
"Excellent!" grinned Evil Peach, hitting them while they were asleep.
"Oh, but now they're awake," said Peach, frowning as she lost the red glow in her eyes.
"Pfft, nice super move!" scoffed Fox. "That was so lame! You suck! I rule all! I got a tank!"
Peach slapped Fox.
"Aww..." groaned Fox, rubbing the bruise on his face.
"I still want to know where Zelda is," frowned Link.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," groaned Sandbag, face-down on the ground.
"I love spending time with you!" grinned Zelda, kicking Sandbag over and over again. "You're the best stress toy ever!"
"I'm not a-" began Sandbag.
Zelda took out the Home-Run Bat.
"NOOOOOO!" wailed Sandbag. "WHY DON'T I HAVE LEGS, WHYYYY?!"
And so ends another chapter! Oops, I mean, so endz anuver cahpter.
I hoap u revew mi cuz then i ken reppli + lrn hw ur likin meh stry
Ill try be sobre 4 nxt tiem
Fvrit chars?