Wounded

EPOV

I had kissed her.

She had kissed me first, but I had kissed her right back. I knew I was only digging my self in deeper but I had never meant for it to happen. For her to kiss me.

It only lasted a few minutes but they were perfect and they were great. They were everything I wanted but everything I couldn't have.

I couldn't let this spiral out of control any more than it had. I had to be firmer with her. I had to stand my ground before I found myself burred deep below it.

She had woken with a smile, her brown eyes twinkling. I wanted to reach out and kiss her again but I knew couldn't.

I got up swiftly, heading for the shower and quickly got ready as Bella organised herself before I dropped her off home, to get ready for her day. Mine started a lot earlier than hers so the fact I rush around wasn't something that Bella had picked up on.

Driving her home she was quiet but I think it was because she sensed my thoughts. That I was questioning everything that was happening between us. I was to help her, not fucking, try it on.

Pulling outside her house, I saw Charlie twitch at the curtains and was glad of it. Surly she wouldn't try to kiss me with her father watching.

I rested myself against the frame of the window, waiting for her to get out of my car.

She sat there, paused, looking up at me. I didn't want to see those eyes because I didn't want her to know how I was feeling.

"So...I'll see you later?" she asked a little more shyly.

I nodded at her words and croaked out a low "okay," at her.

I still had to help her, I had promised her, I had promised everyone. And I was going to do it.

"Alright...I guess I'll see you later, then..." her word hung in the air and I refused to meet her eyes or even reply back to her. I didn't know when "later" would be.

She got up out of the car and I felt the shake of the vehicle as she slammed the door behind her, obviously annoyed at my lack of communication.

I couldn't think about it right now, because right now I had to go face the music for my day off "sick", yesterday. My father was going to go though me.

Placing my hand on he large wooden door, I pushed through with my eyes landing on my father instantly.

"Ahh, Edward. I was wondering if you were going to show face today." His tone was sharp and he was annoyed at me. This was going to be hell.

"Yeah, I feel better today." I lied. He knew it too. I was waiting for it though.

"For Christ's, sake, don't lie Edward. It only makes you less of a man if you can't own up to your downfalls." He quipped at me, leaning back on his large leather chair. "Tell the truth." His look was expectant. He knew why I was off and he wanted to know everything.

"Fine, I was making sure Bella was okay. I wanted to keep an eye on her." I felt ashamed at the fact I had take a day off to baby sit her when I knew Charlie was wanting to see her but I still believed he couldn't care for her the way I could. She trusted me, there was something obviously there. Not even mentioning the kiss, there was something there and it was growing at an erratic pace. I just didn't know how long we could go on like this until it devoured us both.

"You cant put her ahead of your job like that. You will get sacked. You need to focus on yourself, and not her. She needs help, better help than you can give her." He snapped, he crossed his arms and was looking at me, waiting for me to argue him.

He knew it was coming.

"I can help her. I know I can. I just needed to make sure she got through yesterday. She is working today." I knew it was what she needed but she could have so easily argued and said she wasn't going to go to work, but she was trying. We were all trying.

"You cannot help her though, Edward. She will keep you shut out. It's how she handles whatever trauma it is. She is blocking it out, she needs a psychologist, not a rookie who thinks he can save everyone." He was growing more infuriated with me, but he was wrong. She wasn't shutting me out. She had opened herself up far more than I had expected her to have.

I pulled at my hair, pulling myself in from going off on one. I had to be reasonable and I had to be calm if I was to show him I was in control of the situation. "Her mother and step father died. She saw it happen." I saw the look on my fathers face change, he uncrossed his arms and shuffled forward in his seat, absorbing my words.

"She was in New Orleans when Katrina hit. She made it out alive but not before she saw her mother get crushed by a boat." he sat there, his face expressionless. He was in shock at my words.

"She is talking." I told him slow and deliberate, pronouncing all my words clearly.

"She is..." His face was still in shock.

"I wanted to be with her yesterday because she had brought up all that once I had gotten her back to my apartment, after she had been lost."

My father knew everything about our little search and rescue party for Bella, but he was surprisingly understanding about it. I don't know if it was because he knew it was so easy to get lost in the thick bush behind our house or the fact Bella had been standing right in front of him at the time. I didn't care either way, all I cared about that he never spoke out of turn in front of Bella.

He was quiet, caught off guard at my words and the fact that Bella had began to speak.

His eyes looked off into the distance, over my shoulder and I could see him thinking, his mind working away.

I hadn't explained fully to him in which the manor they had died, it would only raise concern for me and I was swallowing down my own feelings about the matter. My only priority was, Bella. Nothing else mattered. Not even me.

Final he spoke again, his eyes landing back on me once more, "How was she?"

I shrugged. "Yesterday she seemed okay. She was laughing." I knew that our time in the kitchen had given her some time to think of something else, we joked about. It was only my words that ever caused disruption with the flow and even that never seemed to stop her for too long.

I was impressed with how she was handling it. I wondered if it was the fact she had shared it, her load becoming lighter, and all that...

A small smile flashed across my fathers lips at my words and I could have hit the floor in shock. He was amused by this. He cared for Bella as much as the rest of my family but never really knew how to help her, the fact she was opening up and that she was still able to laugh, it was provoking something inside of him.

He lead back in his chair with a sigh. "I was wrong. I'm sorry." his eyes fell to the table and he was apologizing for not realizing I could get her to open up. "She trusts you, that is good. It is. But she needs real help. Make sure she gets it."

We both knew that it wasn't the time for Bella to get real help yet, not if she was to do it on her own grounds. This had to become real and Bella needed to understand and accept it before she would speak to a stranger about it.

"I will." I promised. I would take her to the best I could find. I already had someone in mind and hopped that if she trusted me, she would trust me to let them help her.

"Just watch those lines, Edward. Having her in your bed will only confuse her. Let her know that you are there for her, to help her and be a friend, but that is it." I felt my self grow warm at the fact that I knew that was a line we had already crossed. I needed to take a step back, to uncross that line and I needed to do it without hurting Bella in the proses and make her understand.

"Friends..." I agreed. "That's all this is." With those words I felt myself slip further into the quicksand.

It had been a long day and I needed home. I wanted to crawl beneath the covers and hide away like the kid I felt.

I knew I had done wrong and I knew I needed to fix it.

I should have sent her away, I should have slept on the couch. I should have done it a million different other ways. But I didn't. I let her sleep in my bed because when she is next to someone, it stops the nightmares and when she kisses me, I'm just a weak son of a bitch, waiting to take advantage.

I finally got home and I climbed under the cover to hide, just like I wanted to. But I forgot about Bella, I forgot that her scent laced my covers and instead of helping me, it only infuriated me. I was acting recklessly with this girls life and I was going to push her to the edge if I wasn't careful.

There was a knock on my apartment door and I was positive it would be Bella. I pulled myself from my bed, still dressed in the shirt and trousers I had wore to work. I had climbed straight in, not even thinking of how I looked or what I was wearing.

There was a knock at the door once more and I felt myself rushing to it, rushing to the girl I knew who would be behind it.

I reached it, opening it up to Bella standing there looking beautiful. She was in simple jeans and t-shirt but she looked great. She wore a little hesitant smile, with her hands out to me, offering me a casserole dish.

"I thought you might be hungry so I made you a little of what I made for Charlie." She stood there, waiting to be invited in, her hands still out waiting for me to accept her offerings.

"You shouldn't have, but thank you." I took the glass dish from her and I could still feel the warmth of the food.

Her smile grew as I accepted the dish and I made me want to reach out and touch her like I had last night.

I motioned for her to come in and she followed behind me, closing the door behind her.

Wandering through to the lounge behind me, she took off her jacket, slinging it over the chair by the window.

She glanced around the room before her eyes landed on mine with another smile. Her footsteps were curious as she slowly made her way to me, getting painfully closer and within touching distance. It was too much. I slipped behind the kitchen counter, determined to put space between us.

She never saw the reason behind my action though, she saw it as me getting closer to her food.

"It's beef strogonof. I hope you like that." she shrugged with a nod to the dish.

I loved beef strogonof. It was one of my favourite things to make but it had been so long since I had it, mostly due to the fact I couldn't cook a damn.

"It's great...thanks." I wasn't hungry though. I knew I had to sit her down and speak to her. We had to talk about what happened last night.

"I was-"

"I was-" we both spoke at the same time, both instantly stopping to allow the other to speak.

"You go first." I told her. She might get upset with where my conversation was going, so I needed her to speak first, in case she wanted to speak about anything.

She smiled at me giving a small nod. "I was... I was wondering if its cool that I stay here again?" she smiled again. "You know, just cos I had a pretty great sleep last night." The expression on her face told me everything. She was looking for it to continue but I couldn't let it be that way.

The smile on her face pained me, I knew I was about to rip it right from her.

"No." I told her firmly, her face faltering instantly. "What...what happened last night...I shouldn't have. That was wrong of me to let it happen."

Her mouth hung open at my words, she was clearly hurt, you could see it in her eyes.

"You need to go back home. I can't help you like this." I was decided. She was not sleeping in my bed any more.

"So-. How-. What am I meant to do? I cant sleep without you." Her tone was quiet and husky with her breath catching in her lungs.

"No, you can't sleep without anyone. You need to learn to sleep alone. I know its hard-"

"Hard!" she roared at me. "Hard. You think its hard? Hard, Edward, would mean taking a sleeping pill, not trying to kill myself. It's not hard. It's impossible." You could see the anger in her, pushing her words.

"You need to learn to be stronger than this. You can't just use me for a decent night sleep." She needed to take this on and sort her mind out. Sleeping in my bed was doing nothing for her.

"I never used you. This is about last night. You think it was wrong-"

"It was wrong." I interrupted her. "I was wrong." I corrected.

"No, last night, you weren't wrong. I wasn't either. You know what this is, you just can't admit it. You like me. I know you do."

"Not like that Bella." I shrugged. "You were just a girl in my bed." I dropped my eyes knowing the lie I was telling and knowing the pain I was causing. If I was honest with myself, I was throwing her away from me. She would never accept my help now and Alice would be devastated by my actions.

Her eyes swelled with unshead tears and I knew I had pushed too far. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of her tears but it was too late. I could see them.

She grabbed at her jacket, rushing for the door.

"Bella, don't leave. I still want to help you." She paused for a moment and glanced up at me.

I saw a lone tear spill from her right eye, trailing down her skin.

"You were right, Edward. I need to be stronger than this, but I'm strong enough to walk away from you. I though I could trust you. Alice promised me I could trust you. I can't. Why should I have to admit the truth when no one else does."

She slammed the door behind her and I heard the bang of the apartment door go only moments later.

I had totally fucked up and there was no way for me to take it back.

It was nine o'clock and she still wasn't answering her mobile phone. I tried calling it and calling it, time and time again. But there was no answer. It didn't even ring, it only ever went straight to the answer phone.

I had showered, trying to relax a little, to ease my tense muscles but it did nothing for the nerves in my gut. What was she doing to herself right now? Was she hurting, was she in pain? Was she even conscious?

The thoughts went around my head in a loop, never ending and it became to much for me to bare.

I had to find her, I had to see she was alright.

Rushing to my feet I grabbed my keys off of the kitchen counter and rushed out the door heading for my car, to look for Bella.

I sped all the way to her house, the entire journey a blur. I never thought for a second at all. I only slammed on my breaks out side her home before rushing to the top step and banging on her door. I heard movement from inside and Charlie opened the door to me.

He never spoke, he only eyed me wearily.

"I need to speak to Bella." I demanded. I needed to see her and I was tempted to shove past him to get to her, but I knew I couldn't.

"I thought she was with you." His face growing furious at my words.

Turning around I noticed her truck wasn't in the drive. In my speed to speak to her, I hadn't noticed her truck wasn't here.

Where the hell was she?

Picnic filled me and that raw feeling in my gut, grew. I wanted to be sick. If I had caused her to do anything to herself I would never forgive my self.

I grabbed at my hair, trying to stable myself. "I need to find her." the words whispered out my mouth before I knew it.

"What happened?" his voice shouted at me, obviously he was well aware with my expression, that it was me who had messed up.

I shook my head trying to ignore my words. "We need to find her." I told him.

He rushed inside, grabbing his keys and slammed the front door closed behind him as he raced to his police cruiser.

"Where are you going?" I asked panicking. If he had any indication of where she might be, I needed to know.

He shook his head at me, like I had shook my head at him.

"Go home, Edward. I'll deal with her. This was a bad idea from the beginning. I knew I should never have listened to you." He was angry, but he was angrier with himself.

"No, you were right too. She opened up. She told me about Katrina and she told me about her mum. I just pushed too far tonight." I lied again. I couldn't tell him the truth, he would never let me near her then.

He wore the same look on his face as my father had. Shock. "She told you?"

"Yes. That's why I need to find her." I was pleading with him to let me know where she could be.

"Go home. She will come to you if that's what she wants." He wasn't arguing, he was just trying to make it easier for Bella, to give her the choice of help that she wanted.

"No, I need to speak to her. To tell her I never meant it." I was clutching at anything. I just needed to see her, see that she was fine.

He eyed me suspiciously. "Never meant what? What did you not mean, Edward?"

"To push her so much." I lied again.

He sighed. "I'll tell her that." he shrugged.

"I'll follow you." I threatened, my tone was desperate and it was ringing out, so Charlie wasn't arguing any more. He could tell I was desperate. He must of understood how I felt. She must have made him feel more than desperate on a few occasions. Desperate for her to hold onto her life.

"I cant stop you." Was all he said as he got into his car and drove away.

I followed on after him. I needed to see her and the fact he hadn't completely ordered me away, it gave me some hope.

We drove through the town and up onto the road, past First Beach and onto LaPush.

I had no idea where he was taking me but I remembered briefly that Bella had a friend in LaPush.

We drove along the road and turned onto a large field, a garden. You could see the house of it with a large garage next to it. The garage was almost as big as the house. Outside the garage Bella's truck was parked.

Pulling up at the house, Charlie got out of his cruiser and I parked up beside him, following his actions and climbing out from my car also.

He glanced across at the garage, light coming out from a crack in the door.

"She must be with Jacob. She will be fine, he will be keeping an eye to her." It was all he said as he started in the direction of the little bit light coming from the garage.

"You can go home. She will be fine. I'll tell her to call you."

"Charlie, I just want to see her with my own eyes and apologize. I'll leave if she wants me to."

He sighed a little, knowing I wasn't going to give in. "Fine, but if she tells you to go, you go. Not another word."

I nodded at the serious look on his face. "I promise."

Making our way to the garage, Charlie opened the door, letting me walk in first. It was empty.

At least I thought it was empty.

My eyes focused on the entwined bodies in the back seat of some Volkswagen. My temper flared as soon as I saw it was Bella laying beneath the beast of a guy in the car with her.

"Bella." Charlie shouted as soon as my eyes had landed on there bodies, alerting them to our presence.

But I had no control. It seemed to have disappeared, or perhaps I had left it back on the front door step at Charlie's. Either way, it was gone.

I flew for the guy, opening the car door and pulling him out of the car. He was shirtless but still wore his jeans, albeit the buckle and buttons unfastened.

I got him out the car and swung a punch at him, smacking him in the corner of the eye.

My fist tightened and I reached for him once more, desperate to cause him the pain I had felt at seeing his hands on Bella.

He had no right.

He should never have been touching her.

I smacked him again and I felt my arm being grabbed by Charlie. Bella's voice calling on Jake. She rushed to him, cupping his face, her bare back towards me. She was topless too and it only pissed me off more.

I fought to get out of his grip, his police handling skills being used at there best at trying to control me. But I still tried to fight him off.

I wanted to leather that guy.

I though he was her friend. What the hell was he doing taking advantage of her like that. I wanted to know exactly why his hands were on her and how he thought he could get away with it.

She wasn't his.

I thought she cared about me.

I thought she wanted me.

I fought against in Charlie hands and despite the warnings he was yelling at me, I couldn't work them out. His words were white noise and I had no idea what was going on, other than Bella was being taken advantage of by that guy.

I never stopped my pull on Charlie and I felt my feet being kicked out from under me as I smacked my head of the solid concrete of the floor.

I felt my chest smack off it too and all air left me.

Bella shrieked my name, panic in her voice.

I felt her hands on my face and I struggled to focus. I was numb but I felt this agonizing pain rip through my head and the weight of Charlie push down on my body.

"Let him go, he wont fight. He cant." It was Bella and I saw her face in front of me as she tried to look at my head.

Charlie let go of me and Bella began to push me up, to try and make me sit. I was completely dazed but everything that she was doing was magnified. I could smell her, I could feel her and I could see her. I could see that look of worry in her eyes as she pulled at the edge of her t-shirt, trying to wipe blood from my face.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled at her. Knowing just how much she hated blood, and here I was, bleeding all over her.

"You're apologizing for bleeding?" She smile lightly and I felt like I had been saved.

Focusing on the material, I could see she never wore her shirt, instead she had it pined across her chest by her arm, trying to cover her shame in front of her father and the rest of us.

"Get off my land." I heard the guy call to me.

Looking up at him, his long hair was messed up and his face was clearly bashed. There was going to be a bruise there and I had been the one to cause it.

"Go. Now. You have no right to be here." he shouted again. I could see him tremble with anger and I was grateful to Charlie for holding him back because if he came at me right now, I had no chance. I don't think I could even stand.

"Hey, don't you start acting like you never asked for it." Charlie bit at him. "I thought I could trust you with her. I though you kept her safe. How long has this been going on?" he looked at Jacob and then looked at Bella.

She cringed at his tone and his question, avoiding it.

I wanted to know the exact same answer.

"What did you come here for , Edward?" she was soft with her words and concern in her eyes.

I struggled to stay seated as I looked into her eyes, begging for forgivingness. "I came to say, sorry. I never meant what I said."

She gave a small understanding nod, accepting my words before she looked up at her father.

"I'm going to take him home."

"I'll take him, Bells, you get back home."

She rose to her feet, holding on to my hand. "This was my doing. I'll fix it. I'll take him home." her tone was nothing to argue with. She was clear and she was adamant and I was happy.

"Don't blame, Jake, either, dad. This was my doing. Stop pretending that it isn't."

He only nodded at her words as she helped me to my feet.

She had drove me home, driving my car. I didn't let anyone drive my car, but I had no other option.

Filling up a bowl of hot water she added some antiseptic. The skin of my cheek was all burst open, the harsh concrete having been covered in grit and small stones. It was going to look like shit come the morning. I also had another bash on my eyebrow but the bleeding on that had stopped, but again, it was going to look horrendous come morning.

She shook out some painkillers for me, handing them to me before she set about my face.

"I can't believe you hit Jake." she moaned into my ear.

"I can't believe you let him take your top off and try and screw you." I bit back.

The atmosphere was tense. Despite the warmth I had felt back in the garage at her care for me, she was now cold towards me.

"That has nothing to do with you." she told me as she wiped my cheek.

I cringed from the sting of the open wound and I could see her face looking a little triumphant at my reaction.

"Enjoying yourself there? Just...Just leave it alone. I can fix it." I tried to fight the cotton wool ball out of her hand but she wasn't letting go. Instead I held onto her fingers and there was something in me, unable to let go.

"Edward." she sighed as her eyes landed on our contact.

"I meant what I said. I didn't mean it, earlier...You weren't just some girl in my bed."

She fought her hand out from mine, concentrating on my face once more. "Just keep your mouth quiet until I finish this up, other wise you might just be drinking it."

I rested my hand on my knee knowing had to keep my composure for that little bit longer.

She fixed up my face for me and once she was finished she looked at me, waiting.

Licking my lips, I tried to find the words. "I know what I said. But you have to understand where last night puts me. You saw the way your father was with Jake tonight. I will get it even worse if he found out about that."

She looked away from me but I brought her back to me, pulling on her chin so her eyes would meet mine.

She was going to be the death of me. I knew it.

"What was going on with you and him anyway?" I felt the anger bubble again, thinking about what I saw. "He had you fucking topless."

"What does it matter. You don't want me, I get it. You are just trying to cover yourself for Alice's and my dads sake. You don't need to. I'll go to my dad in the morning. He wins. I do it his way."

I knew I didn't want this. Forks mental heath program consisted of drugging them until they didn't know what way was up any more. She needed to speak, she needed to let it out of her. She may have needed some form of anti depressants but what they would give to her in the start would knock her out.

"No, please. I'm not trying to do that. I..." I sighed and stood up, seeing my scabbed face in the reflection of the window.

"Fuck, Bella. We cant have it like that but it doesn't mean I cant help you." I shouted at her.

She rose to her feet. "You are helping me. Just because we want to be together doesn't mean you will mess me up." She reached for my hand and it was as if she was begging me.

"You need to learn to do this on your own. You cant use me to rely on as a partner. You need to find your own strength." I knew she had to. She had to look deep down within herself and begin to help herself from this nightmare.

"What if you were my partner though. What if we were together before this. Would you just walk away from me?" Of course I wouldn't. I could never walk away from this girl, that's how she was in my apartment again.

"No, I would help you, of course I would. But that wasn't the way it was. This is the way it is. We're friends." she cringed at my words, and I cringed at my words from the inside.

"I want you, I know you feel the same. You cant lie to me. Last night proved everything."

"Yeah, well last night you weren't trying to fuck some other guy." I shouted at her. Her words were getting to me, they were getting in deeper and deeper and I was going to give in if she kept going on.

"But I never, because you came and stopped me. You told me you never meant what you said earlier. You took it back, you cant just throw it in my face all over again. How did it make you feel seeing him on me? Did it piss you off?" She was menacing now, she was pushing and she knew how the hell just to work me.

Of courses it pissed me off but I wasn't admitting that.

I ignored her words.

"How about that fact he had taken my top off, touching me in all the right ways." She slid a hand down my chest and I knew she was fucking with my mind but I couldn't stop that thought. That image. Looking down at her t-shirt it was covered in my blood along the shoulder.

I though about his hands on her. He shouldn't have even been touching her.

"No bra. I made it easy for him." she teased out viciously. She was exactly that girl I had dragged out of that bar that night. She knew men and she knew how to get a reaction from them. She was toying with my mind.

"Enough!" I screamed at her, swiping my hand at the casserole dish that was still laying out from when Bella had came, the food still left untouched.

I could feel myself pant with rage. She looked up at me, still silently challenging me.

"Admit it." she ordered lowly.

I had too. I couldn't fight it any longer. I knew I had went racing towards this girl at the speed of lightning but I couldn't stop myself. I still couldn't stop myself.

Racing towards her, I grabbed hold of her, crashing my lips against hers, pushing her in to the table.

She wanted me to admit it. I was damn well admitting it.

She broke away, shocked by my actions. Her eyes bore deep into mine before she kissed me once more, pulling me down to her as I rested her on the table.

Bella was light, but I wasn't. If I put my weight on to this it would snap and snap me back to reality and I wasn't ready to give into that just yet.

I needed this. Every look, every touch, every time she whimpered in my arms after a nightmare, this was all I had wanted to do. To hold her and kiss her. To let her know I was here. That I wasn't going away.

She had me, she had me any way she wanted.

I knew the reality of this, what it meant. But I couldn't listen to it. Not right now. Not tonight.

I wrapped her legs around me as I lifted her from the table.

Stumbling through the apartment with her legs wrapped around my waist and her lips pressed against mine, I made my way to my bedroom. It was late and she wasn't leaving me and I wanted to have this, in my room, on my bed.

Her fingers clawed at the hair on my head and I never wanted the sensation to stop.

Making my way into my room I crashed down onto the mattress of the bed, trying not to squash her at the same time.

Her lips were needy and she didn't seem to want to stop.

Her taste was so sweet and I didn't think I would ever get enough of it.

She pulled away once again, her eyes hesitant.

Instantly I pulled back, up off of her, resting on my heels. She lay there open to me in her jeans and blood stained t-shirt.

She quickly followed my pose, but pushing forward, kissing me once more and I accepted it. I wanted it and I needed it.

She pulled at the hem of my t-shirt lifting it up over my head, only briefly parting our lips as she did so.

I held on tight to her hips. Determined no to make the same move, but just like last night, Bella did for me, what I felt I couldn't.

She pulled her own t-shirt, lifting it swiftly over her head and discarding it off to the side, beside my one.

I had to look, she wanted me too.

I felt my jeans grow tighter as my body reacted to her. I wanted her so badly, so desperately.

Kissing her again, I pushed her back down on to the bed, blanketing her with my body.

a/n; ok please, just one little review – it doesn't take long.

How do you think Edward will handle this one?