Hmm, you know, for Chapter 31's intro (and continuing through a few chapters), I think I might as well use my other idea for 30, and provide some fun (and 2 out of 3 are false) inside facts about your (my) (least) favourite story!

The Complete First Season of Rebuilding (chapters 1-10, director's commentary, outtakes, gas station bargain bin) is available on DVD and book-on-tape in fifty-six states, including Howoming, East Dakota, Zombie Texas, and Canada.

Rebuilding is the only story in history to actually suck more than being rickrolled.

The character of Pit is based on your mother. The character of Nana is based on one of the author's real-life exes. The character of the guy who writes the intro/outro is based on the author.

Rebuilding

Chapter 31: Tactical Genius

Dear Minister, from the leader of the One Army,

Rest assured I have the old Super Smash Brothers you met in New Pork City under control. I demand that you remain elusive to all Super Smash Brothers at all costs.

Onto more pressing matters, the same old friend who saved the SSB from Subspace has deployed a mercenary named Wolf O'Donnell to rally up the old SSB, as well as the Aura Pokemon who was with them. With the SSB being split up into two factions like this, I predict it'll be even easier for one more Brother to join the group you are monitoring.

With this information paired with the next phase of my plan, I expect the entire elitist Smash Brother parade to reach a conclusion soon, and I can return to my otherwise peaceful existence.

Do not defy me because I cannot see you, Minister. Stay where you are, and wait as instructed. O'Donnell will do the rest for us without realising it.

The lame characters sat around on the platforms, dejected.

"Why don't the others like us?" asked Pit.

"Well, they hate you for obvious reasons," snapped Ike. "But why don't they like me?"

"Because you're a disgusting chauvinistic sexist pervert," replied Link.

"Oh, like there's a rule against that," scoffed Ike.

"We should take our revenge and exterminate them!" declared Wario.

"Aww, we don't have to do that!" grinned Yoshi. "Not when we have one of these!"

Yoshi pulled out a Smash Ball.

"Where did you get that?" asked Ike greedily, staring at the ball.

"I found it," shrugged Yoshi.

Ike punched Yoshi and stole the Smash Ball.

"Owww!" complained Yoshi.

"Shut up," snapped Ike. "Look, we're going to make Samus-um, the other Smash Brothers like me-us! By force!"

"Force?" asked Sonic, worried.

"Ike, don't-" cried Link, but Ike stepped on the Smash Ball, became evil, and stepped right under the safe capsule.

"Come to attention, Super Smash Brothers!" bellowed Evil Ike.

"What now?" groaned Kirby, lazily sticking his head out. "Oh. Samus, Ike's here to make more advances on you!"

Kirby opened the capsule, and Samus stepped out, followed by the other cooler characters.

"Ike, leave me alone," said Samus fiercely.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," smirked Evil Ike. "See, I have just one more thing to say-HOLD HER, BOYS!"

Pit, Wario and Yoshi grabbed Samus, and Evil Ike swung Ragnell, sending a small flurry of flames at Samus.

"That's your Final Smash?" scoffed Samus.

"Not quite," chuckled Evil Ike. Without warning, he threw his sword up in a faster variation of his Aether move.

"You've done this already!" screamed Samus, trying to hide her pain as Ragnell lifted her up.

"Not like this!" snarled Evil Ike. "GREAAAAT..."

Ike began a furious blow-by-blow rampage on the woman that both intrigued and infuriated him.

"He's going over the top," sighed DK, slapping his forehead.

"What did you lamers talk about outside?" inquired Pikachu angrily.

Yoshi shuffled his feet embarrassedly.

"...AETHERRRRR!" finished Ike evilly, plummeting down with Ragnell blocking Samus from moving.

"Ike! Stop!" cried Samus. "We're going to crash!"

That didn't stop Ike, and he made a fiery impact with the ground, blowing Samus into the air and onto a far-away platform. Ike's eyes quickly returned to normal, and he stood up straight.

"That felt good," grinned Ike to the other lamers. "Exciting and exhilarating, just like I like it!"

"Yo, Ike, y'all wailed somethin' fierce on Samus," said King Dedede, pointing at Samus, who was weakly getting up.

"Aw, crap!" cried Ike, running over to Samus. "Are you alright? I didn't hurt you too much, did I?"

"No, thanks for checking on me," panted Samus, catching her breath.

"You don't have to thank me," smiled Ike politely.

Samus smiled at Ike.

"Well, maybe tonight..." grinned Ike suggestively.

Samus made an angry sound, and punched Ike in the groin.

"You see that, guys?" winced Ike, one hand giving the thumbs-up, the other checking everything was still where it should be. "She touched 'em!"

"Good for you?" asked Yoshi nervously, looking at Samus.

"Listen, guys," said Donkey Kong. "We were all talking in the capsule, and we want to apologise for labelling you all as lame."

"Oh, that's okay!" smiled Ike, making sure he could cup twice.

"Yeah, we realised the only really lame person is Pit," said DK.

"What makes you think I'm lame?" asked Pit indignantly.

"You're staring at Ike while he's fixing himself," replied DK bluntly.

Pit sighed.

"Don't worry Pit, you're everyone's favourite sexually confused angel!" consoled Link.

Everyone had a merry chuckle.

"Yeah! I'm awesome now for making fun of Pit!" cheered Link. "Watch me bust a movement!"

Link twirled his sword twice and sheathed it.

"Go Link! Go Link!" chanted everyone, as Dedede put down a boombox. The Dedede rap from earlier played in the background as Link continued busting fresh new movements and began a random karaoke session.

"Yeah! My name is Link, and uh...Kirby's pink...and I have a fairy...yeah!" rapped Link terribly, letting a fairy fly around him as he turned his hat backwards.

"To da powa' of three..."

Link struck a finishing pose, lifting a leg and posing dramatically with his sword and shield.

"Mario!" cheered Link, pointing at Mario as the track reset.

"I'm-a the Mario, and um...that's-a the Wario...and...uh..." ad-libbed Mario, embarrassedly rapping. He picked up his hat and gave a little twirl. "Samus-a!"

Everyone looked over at Samus as the rap kept playing.

"Instrumental break," said Samus coldly, giving a half-hearted twirl. "Fox, you rap."

Fox stepped up, complete with a spiked outfit and a new accent.

"RAMMSTEIN," bellowed Fox in a low, death-metal voice. Fire erupted all around Fox as he continued to shout.

"Wrong genre, idiot!" called Kirby, who was heckling the rappers.

"I don't want to play any more!" cried Fox. He burst into tears and handed Wario the mic.

"Uh..." hesitated Wario, trying to think of a rap. "If you're happy and you know it...BOMB NORFAIR!"

Wario cackled terroristly, as he was ushered off the stage by Ike.

"I got one, I got one," grinned Ike casually. "I'm bringin' sexy ba-"

Sonic crashed into Ike, and stole the mic.

"In this world, his world, where compromise does not exist!" sang Sonic off-key.

"No," said Ike.

"Live and learn! Hanging on the edge of tomorrow!"

"No."

"Can't hold on much longer, but I'll never let go!"

"No."

"Seven rings in hand, wonders all under comma-"

"No."

"Sonic boom, sonic boom, sonic bo-"

"No."

"Everybody's Super Sonic Racing, heading to the point of no retu-"

"No."

"Sonic heroes! Sonic heroes!"

"NO!" screamed Ike, knocking Sonic into a coma. "Uh, Snake, you sing something, you never do anything!"

"No," replied Snake flatly. "It's a stupid idea, and we should be focusing on finding the old Super Smash Brothers, if you don't mind. If we don't find them, nobody will!"

Wolf landed in Port Town, and took in his surroundings. The sky had turned an unsettling shade of orange, and there was no-one in sight.

"Well, if I don't find the old Super Smash Brothers, nobody will..." Wolf told himself, cautiously walking through Port Town.

As Wolf walked past a large tower with an antenna on top, he heard a strange voice.

"This is Ness!" called the voice. "Don't move, in the name of-"

The voice coughed, and restarted in a high falsetto pitch. Wolf quickly realised it was not the real Ness.

"-name of the Super Smash Brothers!" chimed the falsetto. "If you try to attack us, I'll, uh, use my psychic powers, and...um...crush your brain with my mind...yeah!"

Wolf groaned, irritated. "I knew all these people were idiots..."

Suddenly, the falsetto lowered into a deep, gloomy voice.

"This is Luigi! Stay away from us! But have you seen Princess Peach! I'm soooo in love with her! It hurts so much and I whine about it constantly!" cried the voice.

Wolf sighed, and continued towards the tower.

The voice changed again to a bad Brooklyn impersonation as Wolf entered.

"I'm Falco Lombardi!" said the voice. "And I'm stupid and ugly, but even I know how to fight! I'll kick your ass! Hands off my bre-"

"This mission is a waste of my time..." muttered Wolf.

He barged into the recording room with his Blaster, where Mr. Game and Watch stood with a mic in his hand.

"This is so awesome!" Mr. Game and Watch laughed to himself. "Okay, who next?"

"You've been broadcasting impersonations of the Super Smash Brothers?" asked Wolf angrily. "That's not funny, I'm looking for Mr. Game and Watch and you just made me lose time!"

"I'm him!" grinned Mr. Game and Watch.

"Wait, you're a Super Smash Brother?" asked Wolf in disgust.

"Of course I am!" chuckled Mr. Game and Watch. "Why are you here? You with the Subspace?"

"Everything okay down here?" asked Toon Link, emerging from another room.

"I'm fine, Toon Link! Just caught me one of the Subspace scum!" called Mr. Game and Watch.

"Don't call me that," replied Toon Link.

"Um, I was sent here from Master Hand," replied Wolf, lowering his Blaster. "I'm not with the Subspace Army."

"Master Hand?" asked Mr. Game and Watch. "Why'd he send you here?"

"I guess he wants me to find the Smashers who know how to destroy the Ancient Minister," shrugged Wolf. "You house Shadowbugs, and you destroyed Mirage Island. How did you do it?"

"I didn't do it," replied Mr. Game and Watch. "And I have no idea what these Shadowwhatsits are."

"Well, you're really...helpful..." sighed Wolf. "But I need the Smasher who destroyed Mirage Island! If I find him, we can destroy the Minister and I can cut my mission in half!"

"You want Jigglypuff, then," replied Mr. Game and Watch. "She went a little nuts and destroyed Mirage Island pretty much by herself, if I remember right."

"Great, Jigglypuff, know where he is?" asked Wolf excitedly.

"Of course I do!" grinned Mr. Game and Watch. "Think I can't hear anything on this huge radio? I know exactly where she is! Toon Link! Send this guy the co-ordinates to Corneria!"

"She?" repeated Wolf. "Ah well. Wait, Corneria? Hmm...I'll be back for you after Jigglypuff and I kill the Minister!"

Wolf ran out to his Wolfen, and received the co-ordinates from Mr. Game and Watch.

"This Jigglypuff must be a tactical genius of the highest calibur..." Wolf told himself, setting his Wolfen's course. "I can't believe she was in Corneria all this time..."

"Snake's right," said Meta-Knight. "We could be the only hope for the other Smash Brothers."

"Thank you," thanked Snake, exasperated. "And if you don't mind me saying, we should probably go into some form of training. I mean, none of us have any serious fighting skills!"

"Yes, we do," replied Meta-Knight. "We're just too...insane, mostly...to use it. I'll show you what I mean. Kirby!"

"What?" asked Kirby irritably.

"Think fast!" shouted Meta-Knight. Gripping his sword Galaxia in both hands, he span round at an extremely impressive speed, creating a tornado.

"Whoa! Haven't seen you do this for a whi-aaaaagh!" cried Kirby, being sucked up. Meta-Knight swiped at Kirby in his tornado, then finished with a slash that knocked him back to the ground.

"Point taken," remarked Snake.

"Ha, is that all?" scoffed Ike. "Maybe you missed the part when I created a fiery sword explosion? I mean, your moves aren't as cool as that!"

Meta-Knight narrowed his eyes, and with Galaxia outstretched in one hand, he span forward in a drill-shape.

"Sucker!" laughed Ike, climbing onto a higher platform. "It's over Meta-Knight, I have the high ground!"

Meta-Knight curved his drilling trajectory upwards, stabbing Ike in the stomach.

"D'aww, son of a bitch!" cried Ike, bleeding.

"Who's pathetic now?" asked Meta-Knight angrily. He performed one last rising stab on Ike, then glided back.

"Hey, that's my wing ability!" said Kirby. "You stole it! Now there's coincidence, and then there's downright plagiarism! How dare you steal one of my special moves!"

Dedede coughed nervously.

"Yeah Meta-Knight, don't copy, you big silly!" laughed Pit. "Silly boy!"

"Don't talk to me like that," said Meta-Knight, wincing uncomfortably.

"Whatever you want, sailo-" began Pit. "Wait, where'd you go?"

Meta-Knight had wrapped himself in his cape.

"I guess he's embarrassed!" chuckled Pit. "He has nothing to be scared of, I won't bite!"

Pit paused for effect.

"Unless he wants me to-son of a bitch!" yelled Pit, as Meta-Knight reappeared behind him and performed a stealthy slash.

"Surprise," growled Meta-Knight coldly.

"Ow!" cried Pit. "I was attacked from the rear! And not in the good way!"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"I don't get it," said Fox innocently.

"I don't get it," grunted Wolf to himself. "These co-ordinates brought me right to Star Fox HQ...why would this 'Jigglypuff' be here?

Wolf shuffled his feet uncomfortably, looking around at all the Star Fox insignia. Fox and Falco may have both left, but their teammates seemed to be doing fine without them. None of them were in sight, Wolf noticed, so they must be having a special meeting...maybe even with the Cornerian Army...

"Oh no, hell no!" cried a gruff voice. Wolf looked up, and saw that his suspicions were correct. General Pepper had paid Slippy, Peppy and Krystal (who followed Pepper) a visit.

"We're under attack!" barked General Pepper. "Ready yourselves, Star Fox team!"

Slippy, Peppy and Krystal all raised their Blasters, and aimed at Wolf.

"Star Fox team, remember me?" asked Wolf casually, trying not to show weakness.

"You think you can just show up in Corneria with a bounty on your head and send us a transmission that you're taking someone from Star Fox HQ?" snapped General Pepper angrily. "I don't think so! What do you want with 'em, anyway?"

"He said it was for a secret mission concerning the Super Smash Brothers, sir!" smiled Slippy sycophantically, saluting.

"It doesn't look like any of your team are going anywhere," retorted Wolf. "I passed the hangars on my way in, all your Arwings are wrecked! And I almost didn't recognise the Landmasters, they're that bad!"

"It's that damn Master Hand's fault!" said General Pepper at once. "He sent us one of his people, telling us to take care of her! First thing she does? Stupid girl has a joyride and wrecks all the team's equipment! Star Wolf attacks, we're done for!"

"I'm not here to attack!" shouted Wolf impatiently. "I have orders from Master Hand, and I need Jigglypuff! I need her right now!"

At once, Peppy, Slippy and Krystal lowered their Blasters and muttered amongst each other while General Pepper's voice softened.

"That's who you're talking about?" asked General Pepper. "You're taking Jigglypuff? For free?"

"Is Jigglypuff who you're talking about?" asked Wolf worriedly.

General Pepper smiled vindictively. "Slippy!"

"Yes sir!" smiled Slippy, saluting again. "What can I do for you, General, sir?"

"Shut up, Slippy," said Peppy, elbowing Slippy in the ribs.

"Don't blame me for showing respect," said Slippy, sticking out his tongue.

"Slippy," barked General Pepper. "Go get Jigglypuff, and bring her out for us!"

"M-me?" stammered Slippy.

"Just do it!" shouted General Pepper angrily. "For the sake of the Cornerian Army!"

Slippy saluted a third time, and tore off down the hall behind him.

"I'm sure the problems with Jigglypuff have been mere coincedences," assured Wolf. "I mean, she destroyed an island swarmed with Subspace members, she's got to be worth something!"

A clattering noise was heard, followed by cries of 'YAAAAY!' followed by an 'AAAAGH!!'.

Slippy emerged, with a certain pink puffball hugging his neck so tightly he was turning blue...

And Wolf's mission gets off to an...interesting start! As usual, review me in your usual fashion!

Also, with thirty-one chapters complete, may I ask what your favourite moment of the story so far is? Cause I'm trying to end my inactivity on deviantART (same name over there), and I decided to try and draw (sadly, in Paint) the best of Rebuilding! So submit your most loved scene/one-liner/random moment from the story, and who knows, you could see it over there in a few weeks (months)!