Tired of this thing yet? Ha, I thought not. You're getting more of the story for a few more months, deal with it.
Reading Rebuilding cures alcoholism. Unfortunately, it replaces it with an unhealthy marshmallow addiction. Sorry guys.
Henry Winkler is Captain Falcon's voice actor, Adam Carolla is the voice of DK, and James Earl Jones voices Fox.
Olimar will never ever ever ever ever fornever ever forevernever fornever ever appear.
Rebuilding
Chapter 33: Walter Donald's Super Happy Team, Assemble!
Dear Minister, from the leader of the One Army,
The Super Smash Brothers are nothing more than a collection of idiots.
Leave the new SSB alone, they're still in Norfair. Once again, I remind you that we only need one more character to join the new SSB for our plan to take effect. Since you've waited so obediently, my plan is to send an army of differently coloured clones of the Super Smash Brothers to their location, so that they can be killed in the confusion. The controls to the clones are in your internal CPU, but do not activate them yet. I plan to give them even more extra help, which I will explain in my next message.
Wolf O'Donnell's rebuilding of the veteran Brothers will prove futile, as I've decided to give you something to do. It is no secret that I am extremely powerful, so I've telekinetically repaired your brainwashing controls. Try to 'recruit' more members for our noble cause. I certainly already have one.
Just don't send the clone army in yet.
Wolf, General Pepper, Peppy and Krystal watched as Slippy fell to the ground, Jigglypuff still hugging him tightly. Slippy was gagging and turning blue in a manner of seconds, his eyes bulging.
"Yay! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Jigglypuff kept chanting. Eventually, Slippy stopped resisting and slumped over. "Be careful!"
"You'll understand why we want rid of her soon enough," grinned General Pepper sadistically, turning back to Wolf.
Wolf opened his mouth to reply, but Jigglypuff let go of Slippy's limp form and bounded over to General Pepper.
"You wanted to see me, Dr. Pepper?" asked Jigglypuff innocently.
"Why'd you hug Slippy?" asked the General, looking wary.
"Oh, he let me go, and then accidentally hugged himself until he turned blue," lied Jigglypuff wildly. "It's not my fault! He told me to do it!"
"Peppy, check on him," whispered General Pepper. "Now listen, Jigglypuff. This is Wolf O'Donnell. He is our mortal enemy. He'll be taking you for some kind of mission."
"But I don't wanna go!" cried Jigglypuff. She began sobbing. "Ever since Master Hand brought me here, I've had fun playing with the cars and the planes and-and-and-"
Wolf cut her off. "No, look, I'm doing a mission for the Super Smash Brothers –"
"My brother always let me play with his cars and planes and everything!" sobbed Jigglypuff tearfully. "And now he's trying to give me away!"
Wolf blinked, confused.
"The General isn't your brother!" shouted Wolf. "He-"
"Oh yeah, I don't have any brothers or sisters," remembered Jigglypuff. She paused.
Wolf shot General Pepper an angry glare, but all the General could do was smirk back at him.
Jigglypuff started sobbing again. "I'm so lonely! I wish I had a new baby brother or sister! Why did my brother Dr. Pepper have to die?!"
"He's not dead!" cried Wolf, both frustrated and confounded. "He's-look, he's standing right there! Nobody here's dead!"
"Slippy's dead!" called Peppy, checking Slippy's pulse.
"Okay, forget that," admitted Wolf. "Slippy's the only dead person here!"
Jigglypuff stopped sobbing again. "Not my fault."
Wolf rolled his eyes.
"I think he did it," Jigglypuff whispered loudly, pointing at Wolf.
"Listen to me, you went to Mirage Island with Mr. Game and Watch, right?" asked Wolf determinedly.
"That was fun!" cheered Jigglypuff, clapping excitedly.
"And did you destroy the island after going crazy?" asked Wolf. "Well, crazier?" He shuddered at the thought.
"That was funner!" cheered Jigglypuff, clapping even more excitedly.
"Alright, well, you need to come with me then," said Wolf. "You're the only person with enough knowledge and experience with the Subspace Army to help me."
Jigglypuff shoved a pebble up her nose.
"Jigglypuff, I'd like to say something to you before you two leave," said General Pepper grimly. "I know we've had our differences..."
"Pebbles hurt!" whimpered Jigglypuff.
"Yes, they do," sighed General Pepper. "Now I'm sure you're actually a good girl. Your only problem is that you're a little silly."
"Yeah, she is," agreed Jigglypuff, pointing at Wolf.
"So I just want you to remember one thing on your mission..." continued General Pepper. He took out a megaphone, tested it...
...and suddenly shoved it up Jigglypuff's ear. He turned the volume up, and cleared his throat.
"NEVER, EVER, EVER COME BACK TO CORNERIA! EVER!" bellowed General Pepper into the megaphone.
"I love you too, bro!" cheered Jigglypuff, unfazed.
"Enough, let's go," said Wolf, beckoning Jigglypuff to the Wolfen.
"Are we there yet?" asked Jigglypuff, taking a step.
"Shut up," groaned Wolf, irritably. "Now come on, if you can't help, we need someone who thinks like a villain..."
"Oh, I know who!" cheered Jigglypuff. "...Are we there yet?"
General Pepper watched as Wolf and Jigglypuff left. "Star Fox team, this is a proud moment for all of us! That thing's finally gone!"
"Should we bury Slippy?" asked Peppy uncertainly.
"Has he ever buried us?" retorted General Pepper. "Forget him! Long live Star Fox!"
"Long live Star Fox!" agreed Peppy.
"Long live the Subspace Army!" shouted Krystal.
The two men turned to look at their silent-until-now comrade, as she grinned evilly.
The Smashers stared at Zelda, shocked. No-one dared to speak.
"So, what d'you guys think?" asked Zelda brightly, wiping blood off of her hands (and into her mouth).
"T-that was..."
"What did you need the polecat for?"
"And you learned that where?!"
"I didn't see it, do it again!"
"I thought so," smirked Zelda, tossing aside chainsaws, polecats, voodoo dolls, and several other objects.
"Well, now that our innocence has been completely and utterly destroyed," said Donkey Kong. "I think we should raid the corpses, you know, see what they've got?"
"Yeah, that sounds good-Ike, what the hell are you doing?" snapped Samus, looking over at Ike.
Ike was huddled over a Samus clone's body , sweating.
"I get lonely sometimes," admitted Ike sheepishly.
"You should be very ashamed of yourself," scolded Samus.
And with that, everyone began searching their dead clones to find cool stuff, and maybe some answers.
"I found something!" gasped Fox. "Look! In the pocket!"
Everyone looked excitedly at Fox, but their faces all quickly fell.
"That's your pocket," pointed out Meta-Knight.
"And nothing's even in theres, mac," added Diddy Kong. "Justs your hand."
"You can't prove that," pouted Fox.
The search continued for a long, arduous, repetitive, mind-numbing five seconds until there was another cry of glee.
"At last, I have been blessed by the gods!" laughed Wario. "I have finally received a weapon of mass destructiofun! Destructiofun? Destructfun...yeah, destructfun!"
Wario pulled a Smash Ball out of his clone's pocket.
"Why didn't the clones use this?" asked Link.
"Why did they trust it to a Wario?" asked Bowser. "I mean, when I had him under my thumb, he failed miserably! Note how we never managed to assassinate you people!"
"Oh!" suggested Pit. "Maybe it's not a Smash Ball!"
"Shut up."
"But instead it's about The Smash Ball!"
"Shut. Up."
"Maybe these are what the invitations look like!"
"Shut the hell up!"
"And the clones were inviting us to a formal Smash Ball!" ended Pit, excitedly.
Everyone stared blankly at him.
"Anyone want to help me pick out a dress?" asked Pit. "Speak up now, cause I don't want anyone complaining that they never got to do any of the good stuff!"
...
"Or see any of the good stu-"
"Shut up, Kid Sickarus," snapped Wario. "You're ruining my Final Smash scene!"
Wario punched a hole in the Smash Ball, and a piece of garlic fell out.
"Oh, I know what this means!" grinned Evil Wario.
He looked at Mario, Peach, the Kongs, Yoshi and Bowser, and grinned.
"We don't-a," replied Mario.
"Yeah, we never really pay that much attention to you," shrugged Yoshi.
Wario grumbled and ate his garlic. At once he became clad in a pink superhero uniform, adorned with a large 'W'. A matching purple mask with a matching smaller 'W' appeared over his head.
"I'm Wario-Man!" proclaimed Evil Wario. "And now, for not paying proper attention to me, I can't let you live!"
Wario ran (faster than a speeding donut) over to Mario, and began pummelling him with a series of rapid punches. Incidentally, the punches were stronger than cardboard.
"Ow-a!" whined Mario, rubbing his bruises which were actually imprinting his ribcage permanently. "That hurt-a me!"
Mario shed a single tear.
"More than you'll-a ever know..."
"Run away!" cried Yoshi. He sprinted as fast as he could.
"Um, Mr. Yoshi?" asked Peach. "You're running towards Mr. Wario."
"Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this," smirked Evil Wario sadistically. He lunged his shoulder out and caught Yoshi full-force in the (freakishly overlarge) jaw.
"Wow, he's a lot stronger than he usually is," smiled Yoshi in admiration.
"So, macs, what was the first clues: your bleeding jaw or the dent in yours skull?" asked Diddy.
"Oh look, he's getting on his bike," pointed out Kirby, uncaring and disinterested and redundant.
"Sorry you haven't died faster!" Evil Wario screamed at his comrades.
"He realizes there's lava everywhere and he'll kill himself, right?" Snake asked Kirby.
"Why else would I sound as if I'm not scared of him?" retorted Kirby.
"Well...you know...you have the whole "screw it" mentality..." replied Snake.
"Hyeah, well, uh...never mind, screw it," shrugged Kirby. "Too much work to come up with another argument."
Evil Wario got on his bike and shot past everyone, landing in the lava.
"Aw, lava's so warm, fiyah in da' clu-" began Dedede.
Kirby slapped him. "Never rap again. Bitch."
The Toad servants of Peach's Castle had been completely cleared out by the Subspace invasion. With the Mario brothers missing for ten years, Bowser had seized control for a brief three year period, until he and Princess Peach had been drafted to the Super Smash Brothers in 2001.
Nobody had expected the Toads who remained to be wiped out by the Subspace Army, though.
Even less than nobody – which is possible, shut it – had expected a Super Smash Brother to assume control of the castle.
The Wolfen touched down in front of the castle, and Wolf and Jigglypuff stepped out.
"Are you sure we can find this guy here?" asked Wolf, looking up at the castle. The stained-glass window mural of Peach that had once been on the castle had been demolished, and there was nothing but a gaping hole in the front of the building.
"Yeah!" grinned Jigglypuff.
"And he knows about the Subspace Army as well?" checked Wolf.
"Yeah, he got tied up to a bomb or something back in New Pork City!" remembered Jigglypuff.
"That doesn't make any sense. How did he survi-what the hell is that thing?!"
Wolf pointed at the window hole, where two Moblin archers took aim at them. A fire arrow was fired, landing between Wolf and Jigglypuff. Wolf instinctively drew his blaster and ran to a bush for cover.
"Moblins, open fire!" bellowed a familiar voice.
"Jigglypuff, get out of sight!" shouted Wolf, irritated.
"But that's-"
"Aim for the one in the middle! The other one's in a bush!" cried the voice.
Another fire arrow narrowly missed Jigglypuff.
"Oh come on! When I found you here, I assumed you survived due to skill! No wonder Link killed so many of you!"
"Ganondorf!" cheered Jigglypuff. "Ganondorf, it's me! Jigglypuff! I came back for you!"
"Jigglypuff?" asked Ganondorf, surprised. "Is that really you?"
"Yes! Yes, it's me!" smiled Jigglypuff, beside herself with joy.
There was a long pause.
...
No, really. Lo-ong.
"FIRE! FIRE!!" screamed Ganondorf at the top of his voice.
A flurry of fire arrows rained down towards Jigglypuff, all of them missing by inches.
"Damn it, we missed her!" Ganondorf told his moblins.
"I've missed you too!" sniffed Jigglypuff tearfully.
"This guy's your friend in the SSB?" asked Wolf in disbelief.
"Yes!" grinned Jigglypuff.
"He's ordering his soldiers to kill you!" shouted Wolf incredulously.
"He used to do this all the time back home!" sniffed Jigglypuff, thrusting an arm up at Ganondorf's vantage point.
"Get out!" bellowed Ganondorf.
"Ganondorf, this is Walter Donald!" called Jigglypuff.
"Wolf O'Donnell-"
"Wolf? Like, Star Wolf?" repeated Ganondorf. "You brought another villain?! Screw that, this is my castle now!"
"Lower the drawbridge," said Wolf calmly.
"Nope," replied Ganondorf. "See, I can't just let anyone in here who wants to get in. You need an appointment, you need some bank details, you need to not have Jigglypuff...it's a pretty upper-class place, y'know?"
A battlement fell off of the top of the castle, landing on the lower wall and making a huge entry hole.
Wolf looked up at Ganondorf.
"Fine, I'll lower the goddamn drawbridge!" snapped Ganondorf, lowering the goddamn drawbridge.
Wolf and Jigglypuff walked across the goddamn drawbridge, and entered the castle. To nobody's surprise, Ganondorf had completely redecorated.
Blood-filled goblets made from the skulls of fallen moblins lay everywhere, and the old pink tapestries of Princess Peach had been replaced with tattered and withering decorations in a sickly brown colour. A suspiciously elf-shaped punching bag lay discarded on the floor (with a knife through it), and Ganondorf sat against the wall of his vantage point by the hole.
"Well, sorry the place is a mess," said Ganondorf, noticing and subsequently misinterpreting the look on Wolf's face. "Would have cleaned up, but whatever."
"So how long ago did this whole New Pork City incident happen?" asked Wolf, trying to ignore the blood goblet next to him.
"Oh, about eleven chapters ago," shrugged Ganondorf.
"What?" asked Wolf.
Before Wolf could ask what Ganondorf meant, he received a sharp pain in his head.
"This is Master Hand, Wolf. I am sending you another telepathic message."
"Okay, both of you freaks shut it a minute," said Wolf. "Master Hand, I found two Super Smash Brothers, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf. Both have experience with the Subspace Army."
"Did he just say Subspace?" asked Ganondorf.
"Yeah, he also said Army!" smiled Jigglypuff.
"Excellent, Wolf!"
"Hey, what's that?" asked Jigglypuff, pointing at a figure outside. Nobody listened.
"Now that you have some veterans, you should head back here to New Pork City. See if Jigglypuff and Ganondorf can find any traces of the Subspace Army, based on what they saw earlier."
"Yeah, if that's possible..." muttered Wolf, rolling his eyes.
"Stop the Ancient Minister at all costs. Good luck, Wolf."
Wolf felt no more pain, and he addressed Jigglypuff and Ganondorf once more.
"Okay, let's all go," said Wolf bluntly.
"Go?" asked Ganondorf. "What makes you think I'm going with you?"
"Yeah!" protested Jigglypuff. "I like it here!"
"Shut up Jigglypuff, just shut up," sighed Ganondorf.
"Will you both just stop arguing?" asked Wolf angrily.
"Hey, Super Smash Brothers is all about conflict, kid," sneered Ganondorf. "It's our charm."
"Look, I know you both just want to go back to the old days, where you'd beat each other up for fun in some tournament," said Wolf reluctantly. "But this is real danger. The Subspace Army want to kill you all, and I have to stop it. And from Master Hand's message, whatever was in the capsule you were tied to, Ganondorf, has broken free and become more powerful. That's why I need y-"
"Wait, hold it," said Ganondorf, putting up a hand. "The kid? The kid in the capsule broke free?"
"That. Or worse," replied Wolf.
"Okay, I'm in," said Ganondorf. "I'm gonna kill that thing for not helping us escape sooner!"
"Yay, road trip!" cheered Jigglypuff. "Let's go to the Wolfen!"
"Are we all going to even fit in?" asked Wolf uncertainly.
"Fitting in loses all meaning when you're in the SSB," shrugged Ganondorf.
The three made their way back to the Wolfen, with a metallic figure watching them...
"Perfect, I heard everything!" cackled the Ancient Minister, using his robotic telepathy. "Run evil laughter track file 02!"
The new SSB sat around Norfair, bored.
"How do we get out of here?" asked Bowser. "This place is getting on my nerves!"
"We got here bys ridings an iceberg," remembered Diddy. "But thats kinds of melted, mac..."
"If only something else would happen-a," sighed Mario. "Then we'd at least-a have excitement..."
"And if we can't get out here, we can't find any of the others," pointed out Link.
"I just-a wish something weird would happen..."
Suddenly, Norfair began collapsing on itself.
"Oh, there you go," said Kirby sarcastically.
"What's happening?" asked Lucas, panicking.
The platform beneath the Super Smash Brothers disappeared abruptly, but everyone stayed suspended in midair.
"This has never happened in all the times I've came here..." grunted Samus.
"Maybe this is God's way of telling you to do new things," smirked Ike. "Allow me to be one of them. Bow chi-"
Ike disappeared.
"What is going on?" panicked Yoshi, running around in circles. He disappeared next.
One by one, the Smashers continued to vanish into thin air. After they all vanished, Norfair imploded in a soundless explosion. All that was left was a solitary Subspace gunship orbiting the planet.
"Excellent, the temporal distortion ray worked..." grinned the leader of the One Subspace Army. "I told the Minister the SSB were nothing but a collection of idiots..."
Hyrule Temple overlooked the rest of Hyrule; an impressive, towering structure dominating green fields. Even the air was unspoiled and pure.
Oh, right, then a rip in time opened and twenty-three Super Smash Brothers spilled out onto the temple grounds.
Nobody dared speak.
"Urrgh...Hyrule Temple..." groaned Link, clutching his head. "Why are we here?"
"Wait, no, I killed that guy!" gasped Zelda, watching the Hylian postman run by. "This can't be right!"
"What are you saying?" asked DK urgently.
"Hey, postman!" yelled Link. "What year is this?"
"2001!" the postman yelled back.
"What?" asked Pikachu. "I thought Hyrule was in ancient times or whatever?"
"Shut it, that's just an act," retorted Zelda, throwing her mp3 player with wireless connectivity at Pikachu.
"So we've-a went back in time?" asked Mario, shocked. "By seven years-a?!"
"What if we run into past versions of Link and Zelda?" asked Peach fearfully.
"Not possible," realised Link. "This is 2001, right? That means we're both at the Smash Mansion for the second tournament, as it was seven years ago..."
"So we could bomb Hyrule and rewrite time?" asked Wario, rubbing his hands together.
Zelda grabbed Wario by the mustache and threw him to the ground.
"Destroy my home and I swear to your gods and my Satan, I'll uckin'-fay kill you," said Zelda in an ice-cold tone.
Zelda stood up and smiled around at everyone. "Let's go exploring, gang!"
"What?" asked Kirby, in disbelief. "We broke the rules space already when we were in that game place, now we've ripped open time, and you all think everything's gonna be some crappy little sunshine-happy-time where everything works out?"
Everyone blankly stared at Kirby, except Wario, who was crying silently.
"Well it's not!" screamed Kirby. "We're all dead, and there's nothing we can do about it! We need to come up with a way to get out of here, and back to our time! Oh, but wait – WE CAN'T! I'm-so-pissed-off!"
Kirby angrily kicked a rock.
"...He's cute when he's angry," noted Pit.
Kirby kicked Pit in the –
That delay was a lot longer than I thought...I hereby apologise to every single one of you. The chapter's longer than usual to make up for it, and has a lot of...it's kind of...plotty?!
Read, and review! (Also, please be honest with me- was this delay too much? Cause I can go slightly faster if you want, no problem for me).
Thanks, guys!