I Can't Hide

EPOV

Bella was currently twisting around, under some kind of panic on the passengers side of the car.

I didn't know why she seemed so worried. We had sorted things out with my parents, well almost. I knew my dad was still deeply concerned about my contact with Bella, and that he found what I was doing...well, difficult to understand. Be he never saw her like I did, he never saw her pain at those nightmares and he never saw her opening up like a newly budding rose.

"You're going to be fine." I tried to reassure her. I knew she would be. It was myself I needed to be concerned about.

My father, or should I say, my mother had asked both of us over for dinner, wanting to see us together. I knew my father would be inspecting any contact between us but my mother, she was just happy that I was actually coming over for dinner and bringing a guest with me.

She adored Bella. It was clear as day over her concern after she had learned about the incident of getting lost in the meadow. I knew she wanted to see how our friendship was progressing also, but her invitation was of sincerity, not guessing games. My mother very rarely played them, she would just come out with it and ask.

"But I know why I was asked. To be observed." She told me flatly, her voice full of sorrow. I had only spoke to Bella honestly about the concerns my dad had with our relationship. That was why she was worried. She felt like she was being judged all over again, except this time, by people she trusted.

I laughed lightly at her words. If any one was going to be observed, it was me. "Trust me, my mum is dying to see you again. My dad, he can grumble all he wants..." I took my eyes off the road for a moment, looking at her. She gave a small, not to convincing smile back.

With my view back on the road and from the corner of my eye I could see her chew down on her lip once again, so I reached for her hand, placing it on my thigh, before covering it with my own palm.

She sighed a little as the house came into view.

I grew nervous at the change our relationship had taken in the middle of the night and I knew we couldn't expose it, whatever it was, just yet. I had to keep Bella in mind. If her father knew, he would tear her away from me without hesitation.

I cut the engine as Bella pulled her hand away from my leg, quickly, with my mother opening the front door to greet us.

"Bella." My mum practically danced across the stoned drive way to get to her, hugging her tightly as she got out of the car.

I could only smile at how both embraced one another. It seemed natural. She definitely belonged here in my family. It was me who had been so late to discover Bella. The others only felt that they had to shun her, in trying to protect Alice, but they knew that was wrong now. The whole situation was a mess and everyone seemed to be trying to forget about it and move on.

I saw may dad smile across at Bella, he was genuinely happy to see Bella. He cared for her just like the others, he was only concerned about what would be the out come of me trying to help her.

"Carlisle." Bella greeted him warmly, a small nod in his direction. They never shared contact and I wasn't at all surprised. I was only happy that he was welcoming.

Bella shifted in her seat again, but this time she was more than comfortable. She had relaxed almost as soon as she walked in through the front door.

Reaching for a roll out of the bread basket, she knocked her butter knife off of the table, the stainless steel metal, crashing off of the floor with a clang.

I reached down to pick it up for her, right at the same moment she dipped down to reach for it, causing both our foreheads to smack off the others.

Bella jumped up instantly, laughing and clutching her forehead with her hands as I swiftly picked it up, rubbed my own forehead and leaned forward to kiss her chastely on the spot that I had accidentally smacked into her. "Are you okay?" I asked her, with a small laugh matching her own. It had hurt only a little, the comic timing of the little episode was the painkiller.

"Fine," She smiled as she took her knife back out from my hand. "Thank you." she blushed sweetly.

Turning to the table and to my parents, I saw too amused looks, one very happy; my mother. One looking on fondly but with a little hint of worry; my father. Neither one said a word about it and my mother jumped into conversation.

"So how does it work?" My mum asked, looking like she was desperate to know. Though I wasn't entirely sure what exactly she was talking about.

"How does what work?" I asked as I took a sip of my water.

"The whole bed situation?" I choked on the water, struggling to breath as I caught sight of a very scarlet, Bella.

"I mean, I don't mean to pry...I was only asking." My mum shrugged so nonchalantly at her words as if there was nothing to be ashamed about.

I sighed, not really wanting to go there.

"He was nice to me and I suppose after that, I trusted him. He's very gracious and every bit the gentleman." Bella told her, without missing a beat.

My mum quirked an eyebrow at her words, a small smile playing on her lips too.

Bella reached forward, placing her hand on mine. "He just wants to help me. And he has."

"Well that's good. And do you think that you will stop staying over at his sometime soon?" My dad asked, Bella.

Bella was never going to be sleeping away from me sometime soon. When she had dealt with her issues, I wanted her to feel like she could still stay with me if she wanted. That we could develop into something proper. Something real. Something that wasn't a secret.

You could her an audible gulp come from the depths of her throat. Her features changed and I didn't know why she seemed to panic so much. Did she not think that one day she could manage it? Had she thought I would be by her side constantly? I wished I could, but I knew in reality, it just wasn't feasible, especially with her current state of mind.

A meek "yes" was all she gave out and I could see my mother scowling at my father for making her uncomfortable and quite obviously, forcing her into a decision she hadn't thought about.

She took a bite of her food off of her fork and bowed her head as she chewed.

"Well I think its great that you have became friends. We all know how much Alice and Emmett dote on you, I suppose it was all just a matter of time before Edward fell your your charms too." My mum smiled across at her.

Bella looked up as my mum spoke to her. Bella, blushing at the kind, but truthful words.

"Is there anything more to it that that thought," My mum shrugged, trying to act as casually as possible. "I mean, you both seem very...comfortable with one another."

Bella's eyes practically popped out at that one. I needed to try and cut this out. I know my mother only meant well but she had a habit of speaking without thinking. I always wondered if I picked that up form her. But she was only ever kind, I was always aggressive.

"Can we not get the third degree? I know its a bit unorthodox, but I just want to help her." I saw Bella squirm in her seat at the blatant lie. It was the truth, that was how it all started, but it had transgressed into something entirely different now.

"Okay, I was only asking." she waved off her words as if it was nothing to her, and to others it wouldn't be anything either, if they weren't in the position that Bella and I had found ourselves in.

"Bella, I was sorry hear about your mother and step father. It must have been very hard for you to lose them." My father added. I cringed at the words I knew would only push her anxiety higher. But she had to face it and my father coming at her like how he had was exactly what she was needing.

She gave a tight smile in his direction, and glancing at him quickly before averting her gaze back to her plate.

"May I ask what happened to them, Bella?" My mum pushed gently. I had no idea if my father had told her the specifics but I had a feeling that she was only trying to get her to talk about it.

"Car accident." Bella shrugged.

My dads brows furrowed forward and despite the fact that I had told him she had passed during Hurricane Katrina, I hadn't explained that they were in there car.

"Edward had told me that they perished when Katrina hit." he observed her, watching her every twitch.

Bella silently looked across to me, looking to give her a way out, to explain for her but she needed to say the words out loud. She needed to tell someone else what had happened, not just me.

She continued to look at me and I only kept my gaze on her, silently encouraging her to say the words. She had only spoke of it after I had found her in the meadow and this morning, but I had jumped in on her words telling her I understood, earlier.

She needed to speak. She needed to actually let the god damn words out of her mouth to people, to let them understand. She was safe here. She knew that they wouldn't judge her, they weren't going to gossip to the rest of the town.

I sighed a little and the air grew stiff as both my parents watched us.

This was what I needed her to do, she had to help herself. I couldn't tell people her story for her. She needed admission.

I knew the words could cripple her, but once she got them out she would begin to feel stronger. I was sure.

She licked her lips. Her eyes still on me.

I was beginning to think she would walk away from the table, but she began to talk.

"They were in New Orleans when the hurricane hit, They were trying to drive to safety." She whispered the words out as she looked down at the table cloth. Her eyes unable to meet theirs.

My father nodded, understanding. Then he turned to frown at me. I knew why I was getting that look and I knew what was going to come after it, once we were out of earshot of Bella.

He turned back to Bella, "Were you there, were you there when the hurricane hit?" He knew the answer to that. I had told him. But he knew exactly that she needed to be pushed.

She only gave a small nod, her eyes turning watery. Excusing herself, as she disappeared to the bathroom.

"Car accident, Edward? My dad let out exasperated when he was sure she was out of ear shot.

"It's not the same." I argued.

"Maybe not, but the end result is." He bit a little more firmly.

I cringed at his words and I saw my mum trying to get him to ease up.

"Did you know this from the start?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No. I only found out after I had found her in the forest." It was true.

"I think you should back away. I know you seem to care for her and you still can be friends, just don't go down this road. Just give it up, leave her to the professionals."

"Carlisle..." my mum tried to chaste him. She knew it was the last thing I needed to hear.

"I'm fine." I argued.

"For how long?" He sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. I never answered him.

"You have to admit, its a bit close to home. Are you really sure that this wont stir something in you again?" He shook his head. "I knew that once you knew about the dreams, you would be in there. That you would feel like you needed to help her. I just never expected that."

"Its. Not. The. Same." I argued firmly.

"Christ, Edward are you kidding me. Its exactly the same. Except replace fire with water. Its the same!" he shouted.

"Stop it, the both of you." Mum tried to keep it calm.

"It's not the same." I argued with a mumble. Both of them glaring back at me for continuing the argument.

"Edward, you have to admit it. It is the same. Its the exact same." My mum now argued.

"Will you stop saying that." I groaned.

This was the exact reason I had only specified Katrina when I had told my father the story. I was stupid enough to think that they wouldn't find out, when that was the whole point. To let people know what had happened to Bella.

All I heard next was Bella. "Stop saying what?"

Turning to her, she stood in the door frame of the dining room with an expectant look on her face.

Now it was time for me to admit the truth.

"What, Edward? What is it?" She sat down in her seat, looking at me desperately.

Where did I start.

I wasn't ashamed of it. Not now at least. But I still didn't want to talk about it. I had managed to admit the truth years ago, and in doing so I locked it back away, knowing I didn't have to explain it ever again. Least I thought I would never have too.

My mum and dad had silently excused themselves from the dining room, giving us some privacy.

"It's nothing, Bella. I swear. Ignore them. They were over reacting." They were.

"Well, tell me then?" I had panicked so much, she knew it wasn't just nothing.

"I used to have nightmares too when I was younger. That's all." I shrugged.

Her brows bunched forward. "And that's why you want to help me?"

I nodded. "Yes. I know how they can be. I got over them, I just wanted to help you get over them too."

She looked at me a little confused, but she silenced, taking my words. "Okay..." She nodded again, somewhat satisfied for the moment.

She chewed her lip, taking in my words.

"What did you dream about?" I knew that question was inevitable but I wished I could avoid it.

I knew I had to just tell her. I was going against everything I had been telling her to do. I had kept it quiet and I had kept it a secret from her. It wasn't intentional at first but after learning her truth. I didn't want her to compare us.

"Fire..." I croaked out with some difficulty.

She gave a small giggle at that. No doubt the irony in the opposite of what she dreamt about.

Her smile was back on her face. Be it small, it was still there.

"Why?" She looked at me curiously and I really didn't know what answerer I would get from her if I told the truth. But I had too.

I looked away from her, struggling to admit the truth, just like she had. I was so fucking hypocritical.

"I was in a car accident. The petrol..." I shrugged, wondering if I really needed to finish this off.

"The petrol..?" She pushed with a arch brow.

I frowned at her. She knew, she was just making me say it.

"You know..?" I shrugged.

Her eyes narrowed at me and she could see it. She could see the difficult that she had, in me.

I shrugged silently again as I looked away.

I was past this. I was over it. I had moved on.

"Say it, Edward." Looking back into her eyes I was sure she could see the hypocrisy of the situation.

"There was an explosion and it set the car on fire." I let out more than a little harshly. I suddenly felt really uncomfortable. I didn't want to talk about this.

I understood her pain of those nightmares. I wanted to help her. Did I really need to explain my reasoning to her?

She turned to me, her attention full on me. "When? Who was in the car?"

"Did Alice not tell you this story?" I tried to distract her. Alice didn't speak of the story because she never really understood it – she was too young. She was only a tiny baby.

"No. We didn't talk about those things." She shrugged.

I knew Alice had avoided the topic of her adoption. She was grateful for the life she had been given, but she always wondered what could have been and if she would have been like her own mother. Alice was a loner but she never thought that it was unfair, it was just who she was. Though she always wondered if it was her nature from our birth parents or if it was just he fact that she never knew them. She had some difficulty with that.

But Alice had changed. After that night with the tequila and cocaine, she had pulled herself up and had accepted our parents passing and her subsequent adoption. She knew then, that she couldn't change her past so accepted it.

"When...when Alice was a baby, we were in a car accident. We were run of the road by a lorry. It smacked off of the hood of the car...People helped, they got us out..." I wanted it to be left to rest. For us not to talk about it any more. This wasn't a trade off of who had the worst story, this was about helping Bella and my past wasn't going to help her.

She watched me, waiting for me to speak. She grew tired and pressed me further. "Who's us? Who got out?"

"Alice, Emmett and myself." I mumbled.

Bella's brows bunched forward thinking. "Who was driving?" She pushed again.

I sighed at the inevitable. "My father...My birth father."

She turned away from me and began to play with her white linen napkin. "Was there anyone else in the car?"

I nodded but she never saw.

She turned to me, "Was there, Edward?" she was a little sharper and it had me worried.

"My mother." I swallowed hard as she nodded at my words.

She looked way from me, tucking hair behind her ear and leaning an elbow against the surface of the table.

"I think I should go home...Just now." Her words were firm and sure and I knew exactly what home she was talking about. Charlie's.

"Bella..." I tried to argue with her. I needed her to understand why I had kept it quiet.

"Edward, please...Just take me-" she cut her self off quickly before muttering. "Actually, I'll just call, Charlie."

"No, Bella. I'll take you home if that's what you want but let me take you. Let me explain."

"Explain what?" She bit at me sharply as she quickly turned to me, glaring at me.

"What happened..." My heart felt tight at the prospects of explaining but I would do it.

"I know what happened. You've told me that part. What you didn't explain was why you never told me this. Why, when I was having such difficulty with it, you couldn't tell me what had happened."

I threw my napkin on to the table. "Because this is about you, not me."

"You could have shown me that you got through it." she snapped as she quickly stood up.

I grabbed onto her wrist but she shook me off as she quickly paced to the front door.

I ran after her, trying to let her see that this was about her own progress, not mine and that despite the similar situations, we were both completely different people with completely different reactions.

Bella for one, always fled.

She pulled on her jacket from the coat stand and I reached around her waist, pulling her back to me.

"I got through it Bella, but it happened in different times in our life, different circumstances...Its not the same. We are not the same people-"

"You should have told me!" she argued with a shout.

"Why? What diffidence does it make? I had nightmares, we were both in car accidents. That's the similarities, Bella. I wasn't caught up in hurricane at the same time. I don't poison myself and I certainly haven't slept with anyone to try and forget about it." As soon as the words came out, I knew it was a low blow too far.

Bella's eyes only narrowed at me, assessing me. "Finished?" she asked calmly.

I nodded with a sorry look on her face.

"Good. Take me home right now and I don't want to hear another word from you on the drive."

I nodded, obediently once again. "I'll just tell my parents were leaving."

Turning her back to me, I headed in the direction of the kitchen to explain that we were leaving. My mother passed me, heading to speak to Bella, and say goodbye personally. I gave them a few moments, standing with my father in the kitchen.

"You should have told her. And you should have explained to her that you couldn't help her wh-"

I cut him off instantly. "I can help her. And I will." I pulled at my hair and groaned. "I know its not going to cause me any great issues. I'm fine. Honestly. Our realities are very different, despite the similar situations." They were. My nightmares were never on the same magnitude that Bella's was.

He looked at me, his eyes...strangely full of compassion. That was not what I expected from him.

"I can see you care for her a lot more than you are admitting. And I'm almost certain that there is something going on." I kept silent, so not to lie to him any further. "You let her lean on you and you will end up carrying her." I knew that.

"She's stronger than you give her credit for." I argued with a mumble. "But she can lean on me all she wants. I'm not leaving her."

At my words, he groaned and closed his eyes. "There really is something going on between you, isn't there?" he opened his eyes and the look that passed between us said it all. He knew.

I still kept silent. He shook his head, turning away from me, mumbling to himself.

"You can't tell anyone." I was begging him.

He turned to look at me, with raised brows and looking exhausted. "Tell anyone, what?" He played stupid to what he knew.

I let out a breath, relived that he wasn't going to try to separate us. "If you want to help her and support her, you need to be honest with her. If you are in a relationship, you need to be honest about your past as much as she does. She will trust you more if she sees that you are trying."

"I am trying." I let out exasperated.

"I don't want to know what has gone on between you, but you need to be careful. For her own sake, as much as you own."

I nodded silently at his words as I walked out of the kitchen, towards the front door.

I knew it would have been hard for him to keep quiet, but I also knew that he would. He knew she needed help and knew that I wasn't going to just give up already.

Bella hugged my mother before my mother then hugged me. Bella headed out towards the car as my mother wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Take care of her. We can see what's going on, Edward. We're not blind. But don't be like those other men..."

I pulled away from her, disgusted that she could think I could ever do that to Bella.

"I'm not going to use her." I bit at her as I pulled away.

"No...but she might use you." She was ashamed to say the words herself. "She is mixed up, Edward. You need to be firm. Don't give up your heart so easily. Not just yet."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I silently walked out to the Volvo and climbed into the drivers seat, never speaking to Bella, just like she had instructed.

The entire journey was in silence and as I pulled outside her door, I saw Charlie looking out the window with a questioning look on his face.

I made one last attempt to try and correct this before the night was out. "Are you going to let me explain?"

A quiet "No." was all she gave.

"Are you ever going to let me explain?" I asked somewhat hopeful that she just had to let the night sink in.

"I don't know." Her tone just as quiet. It was painful. I was use to fire and dramatics when she was upset. Not this. It worried me.

"You're not going to do anything to yourself, are you?" I wasn't stupid. I knew if she had difficulty with this, that the thought would already be in her head. People who harmed themselves didn't need to be given the idea, it would already be in there. Talking about it before they tried was the only real positive step to try and make. If she wanted a drink to numb the pain her mind would have already fix its way to getting hold of it by now.

She never answered me.

Instead, she got out the car and slammed the door behind her, Charlie, opening the door for her and looking across at me, concerned. Bella walked straight past him without a word.

Opening the car door, I climbed out to speak to him. He was trusting me with Bella, I had to explain to him so that he would understand I didn't intentionally set out to hurt her.

"What happened?" He had that concerned look on his face again, the one that he had when I had came to his door and told him that I didn't know where she had went too.

"She's mad at me. I just think she needs some time..." I shrugged, hopeful.

"What did you do?" His tone was laced with anger.

I sighed. "My parents...they died in a car accident when I was younger. I never told Bella because I didn't want her to compare herself to me."

He nodded, understanding, as he wiped at his face. "It's not always easy is it? Trying to decide what's right and what's wrong for her."

I understood it. I understood him. He had been doing what he thought was best for her her, what she wanted, and I had did what I thought was best for her.

There was no right or wrong. It was all guess work.

Trial and error.

I never answered him. He had got it from my silence alone.

It was still relatively early when I got back home.

I turned on the television for some noise, knowing I wouldn't be hearing Bella's voice for the night. And I headed for the shower, trying to rinse away the night.

As the hot water rolled off of me, I couldn't help but think how I would even bring up that subject with her in the first place. I had never wanted her to feel like I was trying to out do her on tragedies.

That wasn't what this was all about. I kept it quiet because it was part of my past that was pretty irrelevant to what was going on now. It was similar but at the same time, it was completely different as well.

She needed to work through her own issues. Not think she couldn't handle what had happened to her, even although she couldn't. Not really.

I was done in. With all of it.

I wasn't as strong as I had believed and now at our second real hurdle, I was spent.

Could I keep it going?

Had my father been right?

I had no idea now.

All I wanted, was Bella.

I climbed into bed knowing, come morning I had to try and make this right. I had to push her through this.

I had to be the strong one. I had to be the one that pushed her on and I had to be the one that never could just give up on her.

I didn't want to, but she had to see that her constant walking away, wasn't helping her situation. She needed to stay and fight.

Argue, if she must.

Scream, if she needed.

Anything, but walk away.

I rolled around my bed for hours, watching the red glowing minutes on my clock, tick bye.

She had been the one that couldn't sleep without some one, now it was me that needed a body besid them. I needed Bella beside me.

I needed to know that she was okay, that she was safe and that she could rest in peace.

I only hoped that tomorrow night she would be back in my bed, with me.

My phone began to ring out, the glow from the screen lighting up dark room.

Looking at the screen. 'Charlie', flashed across.

What had happened now?

What do you think has happend? Please review! xx