Reader traffic, eh? Decided to finally check it out, see how international my little old story is this month to replace the fun facts for one chapter!
To my American readers, like totally thank you for like, checking out my story! Hyuck hyuck, like hyuck!
Thanks to my Canadian readers, eh? Glad i gave you guys something to read aboot.
To my British readers, och, aye, thanks for readin', och. I do hope you continue to read, my friendly young friends. Llylewlklkslkfldlall(this is Welsh).
To my Australian readers, it's just...bonza...that you're still readin', mates.
The five Singaporeans, the Irish person, the Dutch person, the Peruvian person, and the reader from the Philippines, I don't want to lose you guys, there's too few of you. But look, I made fun of all those other countries!
Rebuilding
Chapter 37: The Problem's Chronic
Dear Minister, from the leader of the One Army,
You were not told because it is not of your concern. The Aura is easily manipulated; it even manifested itself into two living beings. Lucario was one of them, which is known as the Benevolent Aura. Dividing the Aura in two was hardly a negative thing to do.
It is clear to see that if our plans succeed, the Benevolent and Malevolent Auras will not join forces. Do not worry about what doesn't concern people of your level, Minister.
Now that all of the New Super Smash Brothers had been safely (albeit disgustingly) accounted for, everyone started wondering why the Subspace Army had used brute force by dropping the Frigate Orpheon on them.
"Obviously, there's something aboard here that wants to take us all out," reasoned Donkey Kong logically.
"I agree," agreed Samus. "There must be a large number of them, seeing as there was the stock of Team Healers."
"Yes," nodded Meta Knight. "If we're going to explore this thing, we should take caution, and always be ready for a sudden attack."
"Duly noted," said Snake. "I would also like to point out that seeing as the four of us are the only ones here who aren't completely retarded or otherwise useless –"
Fox was eating his shoe.
"-we should oversee all exploration," finished Snake, casting a disgusted glance at Fox.
"Oh, oh, oh, pick me, pick me!" cheered Fox, raising his hand.
"Okay, go," DK sighed.
"If terrorists terrorize people, and we were terrified, doesn't that mean we were terrorized by terrorists?" asked Fox. "So wouldn't a terrorist know what other terrorists would put here to terrorize and terrify people?"
Donkey Kong, Samus, Meta Knight and Snake, the four smart characters in this side of the story (which really just means the four least quirky), exchanged glances.
"That was actually...decent logic..." muttered DK.
"Yeah...hey, Wario?" asked Samus. "You're a terrorist, right?"
"Your country will perish in the firey explosions created by the bombs I manufacture!" laughed Wario maniacally.
"Yeah, great," replied Samus. "Listen, can you think of terrorists capable of performing an act as stupid as dropping a frigate on a large group of people?"
Wario paused, stroking his chins.
"Me!" cackled Wario evilly.
"This was a waste of time!" grunted Snake. "I highly doubt the answer to this question is more Warios!"
The rest of the New SSB screamed in confusion. Wario and the four boring ones turned to see their comrades being held up at gunpoint---by a Wario wearing purple overalls and yellow clothes.
"Flab is poking out from his sides!" cried Pit girlishly. "His figure's disgusting!"
"That's what you're worried about?" asked Pikachu.
"Well, no actually, all that meat....he's becoming more appealing..." salivated Pit.
"Wario Force, assemble!" cried the yellow and purple Wario.
Four more differently-colored Warios marched towards their leader in a rigidly obedient line.
"We have you and your friends surrounded, Biker Wario," snarled Yellow-and-Purple Wario. "Surrender to the Subspace Army."
"Are these Warios even real?" asked Lucas nervously.
"I think they're clones," replied Popo.
"Shut up dumbass, they're obviously clones," retorted Nana.
"I-never mind...I know how this conversation will end..." Popo sighed.
The yellow and purple Wario loaded his gun, with the four silent Warios following suit.
"Our demands are simple. Our first demand: Hand over Wolf O'Donnell," demanded Yellow-and-Purple Wario.
"Who's Wolf O'Donnell, my friend?" asked Pokemon Trainer.
Pokemon Trainer was pistol-whipped across the face.
"It seems that O'Donnell is not travelling with the Super Smash Brothers after all...nevertheless...our second demand: Surrender all the devices known as "Smash Balls" in your possession," continued the fake Wario. "The Overlord of the Subspace Army wishes to use them for his own experiment."
"Oh, you mean these?" asked Sonic, playfully spinning one on his finger. "You'll have to take it by force, dude."
"Sonic-a, no!" cried Mario. "Be careful-a!"
"Yeah dumbass, they're going to bring in the Overlord guy!" yelled Kirby.
As the fake Wario lunged for Sonic's Smash Ball, Sonic threw it up in the air and let it shatter over his own head.
"Let's rock," Evil Sonic grinned, emanating the Smash Ball's glow....
Feet scampered across the grounds in front of Peach's ruined castle in the Mushroom Kingdom. These feet belonged to Lucario, who had been released from his sack just to be tormented by Krystal and the Ancient Minister.
The two members of the Subspace Army were both armed with Super Scopes, and they gleefully and silently opened fire on the Aura Pokemon, who was dodging shots by mere inches.
Suddenly, a Smart Bomb was fired as if from nowhere, and though the explosion missed, a Wolfen flew through the smoke. The Wolfen opened fire on the Minister.
"There's Lucario!" shouted Wolf, the pilot. Jigglypuff and Ganondorf were squashed behind him in the tiny one-man ship.
"What the-" panted Lucario, looking up at the Wolfen.
"Don't let either of them get him!" ordered Wolf, jumping out of the Wolfen. Krystal grabbed Lucario immediately and started running in the other direction.
"Curses," droned the Ancient Minister quietly, retreating slightly.
"Dammit!" shouted Wolf, seeing Krystal. "What did I just tell you two?"
"I thought she was a Pokemon!" argued Ganondorf.
"Are you freaking brain damaged?" bellowed Wolf, looking around wildly. "In what way does she look like a Pokemon?!"
Ganondorf flipped Wolf the bird, and kneeled down to talk to Jigglypuff.
"Hey, Jigglypuff, is that Lucario up there?" asked Ganondorf, pointing at Krystal and Lucario, the latter of whom was being dragged by the neck.
"Yep," smiled Jigglypuff.
"Go give him a Pokehug or whatever you Pokemon freaks do to each other in those godawful daycare centers," said Ganondorf.
Jigglypuff's left eye twitched. Then, suddenly, she performed a Rollout technique, and ran over Krystal to get at Lucario.
"Big hug!" cheered Jigglypuff, hugging a bemused Lucario while standing in a pool of Krystal's blood.
"Wolf, I got him back!" called Ganondorf, seeing Jigglypuff skip back with her hand in Lucario's.
Wolf was too busy with his Blaster and the Ancient Minister to notice.
"Quick, take him out while I've got him distracted," muttered Wolf out of the side of his mouth, eyes on the Minister.
"Dammit, I hate the parts that can kill me," lamented Ganondorf. Reluctantly, he began running (again, briskly jogging) at the Minister.
"Jigglypuff, you better help him," said Wolf. He noticed Lucario at last. "Leave Lucario here, I'll guard him. Do the hug thing on the Minister, I don't care."
Jigglypuff opened her mouth, but a yell made both Wolf and Jigglypuff jump.
The Ancient Minister had seen Ganondorf, and he had reloaded his Super Scope to take advantage of the large, slow target.
"If I can't have one, I can have the other!" snarled the Minister, his blank yet menacing eyes glaring at Ganondorf's terrified face.
"Help me, help me, help me, help me!" chanted Ganondorf nervously, barely dodging shots.
"Jigglypuff, hug thing, do it!" shouted Wolf.
Jigglypuff nodded sweetly, and began to do the Rollout-Pokehug, but she only launched forward half a foot.
"What the hell are you doing?" demanded Wolf in a shrill voice.
"Teehee, I forgot to charge up!" giggled Jigglypuff. "Silly me!"
"IDIOT!" shouted Wolf angrily. "You absolute idiot!"
Wolf picked Jigglypuff up and ran at the Ancient Minister, as Ganondorf picked up the Super Scope Krystal dropped when she was ran over by Jigglypuff.
"You win this round," droned the Ancient Minister in a tone of mock congratulation.
Ganondorf charged a shot, and Wolf threw Jigglypuff, but suddenly the Ancient Minister molecularly relocated. Exactly as the old Smash Mansion had done so, so long ago...
Jigglypuff fell out of Wolf's hand. Ganondorf put down the Super Scope. Wolf's jaw dropped. All three asked the same question simultaneously.
"What just happened?"
Evil Sonic stood before the Wario clones, evilly juggling his Chaos Emeralds.
"Use-a them already!" cried Mario.
"I shall, you fool!" laughed Sonic maniacally. He focused, and as the Emeralds started glowing and Crush 40 started playing some song, he transformed into a Super Saiya-Super Sonic, he transformed into Super Sonic.
"Now I'll show you!" yelled Evil (or Super) Sonic, glaring at the Warios.
"Wow, what an exfoliating glow!" marvelled Pit, darting in front of Super (or Evil) Sonic to get a better look. Unfortunately for Pit and fortunately for everyone else in existence, Evil/Super Sonic flew straight into him, sending the angel skyward.
Pit broke his back off of the frigate's ceiling and crumpled to the ground.
...
"Heh," Zelda chuckled.
"Warios, run for cover!" demanded the yellow-and-purple Wario. All five fake Warios darted behind Pit's limp body, as Super/Evil Sonic rammed into Pit (....shush...) a second time.
"Whoa!" cried Yellow-and-Purple Wario. "Hold on! He won't stop until we're all destroyed!"
"Right on the money, dude," smirked Some Funny Portmanteau of Super and Evil Sonic.
Supevil Sonic made a U-turn and charged at the Warios again. They darted out of the way, and Eviluper Sonic attacked Pit for the third time.
"Uh, possessed Sonic?" said Donkey Kong. "They're over there...."
DK pointed at the Warios, who were running to a dark corner.
"It's a corner!" cursed the lead fake Wario.
Needless to say, Superbad Sonic collided with the Warios in the corner, making an explosion that illuminated the frigate for a few gloriously golden seconds, before the glow ended and the regular Sonic stood firmly on the ground, surrounded by destroyed robotic Wario clones.
"And it's over," remarked Sonic, dusting his shoes off. "But where did the Chaos Emeralds go?"
"Scattered all over-a the place," replied Mario. "But look-a!"
Kirby was lying on his back, one of the seven Chaos Emeralds lodged in his face.
"Out cold, maybe he's going to have another fakey dream!" laughed Fox merrily.
"Fox, the dreams are true. The Primids appeared in an airship when we were on the Halberd," pointed out Link. "Remember?"
"I think I'd remember something that stupid!" scoffed Fox. He blinked. "Why does the pink one have a stone in his head?"
Everyone looked down thoughtfully at Kirby.
Kirby woke up, and saw that he was standing on a cloud. Looking around further, he saw that he was in some sort of temple in the sky, with pillars holding the clouds up. Kirby looked over the edge of the cloud, and saw only a larger landscape of clouds, pillars, and little dots that he supposed must be people. Confused, he looked around to his left, and saw a grey speck moving closer and closer to him. He narrowed his eyes, but he couldn't clearly make out what the speck was. Kirby looked to his right and saw a gold glimmer behind a pillar.
"What the hell is this place?" asked Kirby to nobody, pulling out the gold glimmering object. It was a round shape, with the Super Smash Brothers emblem embossed on the side. On the underside, it read 'Trophy Stand: Use to kill only'.
"Kill?" asked Kirby. He looked up and saw that the grey speck was much closer now. It was a bull-like creature, and it was snarling menacingly.
Kirby screamed in horror and jumped out of the way. He pulled out a tiny sword and performed his Final Cutter move, slashing the creature's back.
"Leave me alone!" shouted Kirby fearfully. He nervously armed himself with the Trophy Stand, aimed, and threw it at the creature. It was a direct hit, and a trophy of the dead, defeated bull creature landed on the cloud.
Kirby picked up the trophy, and read the name on the base: Towtow. Unfortunately, as soon as the Towtow had died, there was an alarm sound. Several Primids were running to the cloud where Kirby was, and at once the puffball found himself falling through the clouds.
"Somebody's here, they must be trying to get a trophy of Rayquaza!" bellowed a Primid. "The sky palace is no longer safe, exile Rayquaza to the lake!"
Kirby had no idea what a Rayquaza was and he had no time to wonder before he was teleported straight back –
to the rest of the New Super Smash Brothers, who were all worriedly looking over him.
"I did it," panted Sonic, holding six of the Chaos Emeralds. "I brought him back."
"Back?" asked Kirby. "That wasn't a dream?"
"Sonic said something about the leftover Chaos energy from the Emerald thing," replied Pikachu. "I don't really understand it, though."
"Dude, Kirby, the Chaos energy I was using as Super Sonic was still in that Emerald, and it must have used Chaos Control by itself when it hit you," apologised Sonic. "My bad, dude."
"That's dumb..." scoffed Kirby. "Wait...so I really did end up in a Subspace base in the sky? That actually happened?"
"What?" asked most of the SSB collectively.
Kirby tried to catch his breath, and then began to recount his story.
Wolf, Jigglypuff and Ganondorf all stared, transfixed, at the spot where the Ancient Minister had vanished.
"Where did the Minister go?" demanded Wolf. "What happened?"
"He went away!" smiled Jigglypuff helpfully.
"It did that molecular relocation thing the old Smash Mansion did!" spluttered Ganondorf, realising what had happened. "I thought you knew it could do that!"
"What? The old Mansion did that too?" asked Wolf. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"Oh no, he took Lucario with him!" panicked Jigglypuff.
"I'm right here," said Lucario, running up to the three.
"You alright?" asked Wolf, shaking his head wearily.
"Yes, I'm fine," replied Lucario. "But not if I stay here. Please, take me with you."
"Done," agreed Wolf. "We'll make sure you stay far away from the Subspace Army, you can count on us!"
"I don't know if that's the best idea..." muttered Ganondorf, shifting uneasily away from Lucario.
"Oh, hi Lucario!" smiled Jigglypuff, lagging behind a few minutes.
"Lucario, do you know how the Minister and the old mansion relocated like that?" asked Wolf hopefully.
Lucario sighed and shut his eyes in concentration.
"From what I remember hearing when they had me in that sack, the molecular relocation ray was engineered by somebody called Dr. Eggman, who was enslaved by higher beings of the Subspace army," replied Lucario. "Once the ray was built, they figured out how to silently fire it without moving. No longer needed, Eggman was killed."
"So who fired it at the Minister if that Krystal girl's down?" asked Wolf, pointing at Krystal's unconscious Rollout'd body several feet away.
"I suppose the Ancient Minister shot himself with it," surmised Lucario.
"That's stupid..." scoffed Ganondorf quietly.
"Ha, suicide!" chuckled Jigglypuff gleefully.
There was a pause, where Jigglypuff apologetically looked down at her own feet.
"I also heard something about a rendez-vous with Duon and Galleom," added Lucario.
"Well, now that we have you, at least it's four versus three, so we're not totally screwed yet," shrugged Wolf.
"Wait...Duon and Galleom?" repeated Ganondorf. "They're those shapeshifting robots in New Pork City!"
"Excuse me?" asked Lucario, looking at Ganondorf with uncharacteristic disdain.
"Yeah, those two showed up and me and some of the old SSB beat 'em up!" remembered Ganondorf. "Those two are easy, no problem!"
"How very blunt from you," noted Lucario. "As I expected."
"As you expected?" asked Ganondorf incredulously. "We've only known each other properly for a few minutes!"
"And what a first impression it was," replied Lucario casually.
Ganondorf cracked his knuckles, and Lucario's eyes narrowed.
"What do we do with the fox lady?" asked Jigglypuff, nervously trying to avoid another fight.
"Well, in order to beat the Subspace army....." trailed off Wolf. He took a Super Scope and charged a shot. "....we might just have to kill some of 'em."
Wolf let go of the trigger, and watched the fully charged Super Scope shot destroy Krystal's body. She was dead in her sleep. Jigglypuff gasped, and even Lucario and Ganondorf looked up from their standoff.
"Okay, Wolf, I think you should just...um...you're kind of...what the hell was that for?" asked Ganondorf, eyes fixed on the smouldering remains of Krystal.
"Krystal had been brainwashed, she was part of the Subspace Army," snapped Wolf. "And I'm taking them down, remember?"
"Yeah, we know," said Ganondorf slowly. "But she was already dead from the Rollout thing...wasn't she?"
"I'm very good," Jigglypuff smirked complacently.
"Don't be so sure," said Wolf. "Remember, just because something looks lost, doesn't mean it's all over. After all, you were all blown up in New Pork City, but you lived."
"Because the Pokemon saved us!" protested Ganondorf.
"No I didn't," said Jigglypuff.
"Lucario," Ganondorf sighed, exasperated.
"The bombs only send you to Subspace," explained Lucario. "I'm not sure why we were not murdered, however. I cannot sense any benevolent motives behind the Ancient Minister's actions, but not any malevolent motives either."
"Well you're just stupid then," scoffed Ganondorf.
"Excuse me?" snarled Lucario.
"The Ancient Minister's got 'no malevolent motives'?" repeated Ganondorf. "The freaking thing just tried to off us all, dumbass!"
"That doesn't mean he wants to," observed Lucario.
"Oh, come on!" laughed Ganondorf.
Wolf and Jigglypuff looked on, unimpressed.
"Well, what about him?" asked Ganondorf, jerking a thumb back at Wolf. "Is he actually a good guy or what?"
Lucario sighed, and held up a palm. Blue fire erupted around the palm, and Ganondorf backed away cautiously.
"Wolf O'Donnell is working for the Super Smash Brothers under orders from Master Hand himself," Lucario sighed, checking his Aura. "Whatever side Master Hand's on, Wolf is on the same, we can assume."
Ganondorf narrowed his eyes at the Aura Pokemon. "You better be right. I bet you're wrong...but you'd better be right..."
"I appreciate your confidence in me," sighed Wolf, looking bored.
"I see-a..." muttered Mario, as Kirby finished his tale of the sky base. "We're going to have to get-a up there."
"But how are we going to get there?" asked Link. "Only a couple of us can fly, and we haven't exactly got a plane!"
"I know what we can use..." breathed Meta Knight, remembering something.
"The Halberd's away back at –"began a panicked Link.
"No, not the Halberd," said Meta Knight. "We need a legendary Air Ride machine. We need the Dragoon."
"But it only fits one person, idiot!" snapped Kirby.
"We'll just have to whittle down the numbers then, won't we?" asked Zelda, taking out a blunt saw.
All of the Smashers began arguing amongst themselves, but Meta Knight stopped everyone by taking something out his robe.
"This is Dragoon Part A," said Meta Knight determinedly. "When the legendary Air Ride machine was split up, three people got a part each. And those three people better be who I think they are."
Meta Knight looked over at Kirby and King Dedede.
"The time is now," said Meta Knight.
"Yo, we can't make it bigger, dawg," argued Dedede.
"Then someone will have to go in alone," said Meta Knight calmly.
Dedede nervously looked at the Part A that Meta Knight had produced, then sighed and rummaged in his robe.
"Thank you," nodded Meta Knight, as King Dedede placed his Part B down. "Now we need your piece, Kirby."
"I...don't have one..." Kirby lied.
"You is lyin', foo'," snarled Dedede.
"Zelda, you can get it from him," said Meta Knight simply.
Zelda raised her saw, Kirby screamed, and threw his Part C at the other two parts.
"How do we decide who goes up to the base?" asked Snake.
"Well, I think we all know the answer," replied DK. He looked solemnly over at Mario.
"Me-a?" asked Mario, looking around the other Smashers. "You don't-a all think that, right?"
Link, Samus, Kirby, Yoshi, Pikachu and Fox, the original original SSB, all nodded eagerly.
"You're the man in charge, Mario, we all know it," Samus told him.
"Butter," contributed Fox.
"Yo, the Dragoonizzle's ready!" called Dedede, who had been checking the vehicle.
"Go get 'em," said Link confidently.
Mario nervously stepped up to the Dragoon.
"Take care, Mario," said Peach reluctantly. Mario took note of the lack of "Mr" before his name. He might have fallen out of favour with Peach, but everyone else really saw him as a leader.
It was then when a fizzing came from Lucas' pants.
"The disc!" cried Lucas. "What's going on with it?"
"What disc?" asked Pokemon Trainer.
"I took it from the old Mansion when you were using all those Pokemon in the past!" cried Lucas.
Lucas showed everyone the disc.
"I used all sorts of things like these back in my government days," said Snake. "Let me take a look..."
Lucas handed Snake the disc.
"It seems to be a CD....with a song on it...." Snake mused. "Normal enough..."
Snake put the CD into the Dragoon, and at once an ocarina melody played.
"The Song of Time!" cried Link, recognizing the tune. "But that means-"
Back in 2001, Mewtwo stood on a hill alone, just outside the old Smash Mansion. He seemed to be counting down to another inevitable event.
"Three, two, one....and now," muttered Mewtwo, opening his eyes.
The new SSB from 2008 were once again in the past.
I have computer troubles, and I forgot my outro speech because the troubles made this chapter take so long, and I hammed up the ending with the Dragoon/time thing, which I wanted to make longer but couldn't because this piece of crap died on me multiple times. Sorry for the wait and lackluster chapter, folks, you know you're still loved!