Several of you might have thought I was gone.
Those several were wrong. I am back, and believe me, there will be notification when this travesty ends!
It's time to go for thirty-eight, so don't stop believing!
This fanfic redesign is pretty...uh...new, huh?
No time for small talk this time, so put your little hand in mine...it's Rebuilding!
Rebuilding
Chapter 38: Sorry, No Takebacks
Dear Overlord, from none other than the Ancient Minister,
The Aura is dangerous itself, but I cannot believe you actually split it. You and your brother may have been gods of creation, but nothing gave you that right!
Wolf O'Donnell wrenched Lucario from my grasp, so now he has the Benevolent Aura to himself! The Malevolent Aura is also in danger, surely! None of this would happen if you hadn't split it!
Furthermore, the new SSB have been sent to the past once again, according to my tracker! You can't abuse your powers like this!
Times like these make me question my allegiance, and I hope you plan on reassembling the Aura soon, Overlord!
The large crowd of Super Smash Brothers groggily stood up and dusted themselves off. Steep slopes were on either side of them, creating the impression that they were surrounded by some sort of steep slope.
The cold, emotionless face of Mewtwo stared down at them in disdain.
"I knew you'd be back," Mewtwo sighed.
"The Song of Time brought us here!" cried Link at once. "We found a CD last time we were in 2001, and when we put it in the Dragoon, we-"
"I know," ended Mewtwo. "I planted it there. I knew there would not be time in our last encounter to properly inform you of what the other half of you are concerned with."
"The other half-a?" asked Mario.
"You know, the veterans who are not with you," replied Mewtwo. "What did you think they were doing?"
Nobody had an answer.
"Well, Master Hand recently dispatched one Wolf O'Donnell to defeat The Ancient Minister," began Mewtwo. "To help him, O'Donnell was advised to round up as much of the old crowd as he could. After settling with Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, the three set out to find the two halves of the Aura."
"The whaura?" asked Popo.
Nana swung a hammer into his face. "Don't interrupt the exposition!"
"Master Hand and Crazy Hand managed to create Aura from the sheer energy both have," said Mewtwo, almost bored. "Crazy Hand, however, decided to split the Aura into two. The two pieces were named the Malevolent Aura and the Benevolent Aura. Two living beings were created as a result. A Pokemon named Lucario is the Benevolent Aura."
"So mac, who's the Malevolents Aura?" asked Diddy.
"Aura has a higher priority over psychic powers," admitted Mewtwo. "I do not know, I only know Lucario's the Benevolent Aura because I read the mind of Wolf as he is in your present. Currently, Lucario has joined Wolf and his team. But sadly, the Ancient Minister is still at large."
"Yo, that's wack!" cried Dedede in disgust.
"Wack indeed," Mewtwo concurred. "He has performed more brainwashes, his latest victims being Fox's girlfriend Krystal –"
Fox blinked stupidly, uncaring and unknowing.
"-and Mr. Game and Watch, who now believes Wolf must be killed at all costs."
Everyone gasped collectively, and Mewtwo held up his hand to indicate silence.
"Also, while Master Hand is on our side, Crazy Hand is the overlord of the Subspace Army," continued Mewtwo. "He and the Ancient Minister are in correspondence with each other, and they are pioneering the plans of the Army as we speak."
"Mewtwo, Kirby had a hallucination," said Samus quickly. "What does that mean?"
"Yeah, I was in some weird sky palace, and they sent something called Rayquaza somewhere, and-" Kirby began, but Mewtwo cut him off.
"Rayquaza is the legendary Pokemon of the sky, and if he's under Subspace containment, that cannot be good," muttered Mewtwo. "Luckily I know just what will happen."
"So what happens?" asked Wario. "Does it end with the bombing of the sky palace?"
"Why would I spoil the ending?" Mewtwo smirked. "I'm sure somebody among all of you wants to see this through all the way."
"Do you know anything else, Mewtwo?" asked Lucas hesitantly. "S-sir?"
"Sir?" repeated Mewtwo, amused. "Oh, yes, you must change the outcome of a key event on your return to the present. Namely, do not meet anybody new. You are targeted for an immediate ambush as soon as your party increases by one."
"Wow-a, it sure sucks you're dead-a," remarked Mario. "You're very helpful-a!"
"It does suck that I am deceased, doesn't it?" Mewtwo icily asked, staring vaguely at Snake's general direction to nobody's notice.
"I think it's just spiffing that you're so informative!" grinned Pokemon Trainer. "Really, it's nice that you didn't spend all your Unknown Dungeon time brooding!"
"It gave me time to think, I'm sure," said Mewtwo with the shadow of a smile.
"Man, when I was in the Unknown Dungeon, I didn't have time for clear thought at all!" smiled Pit. "I was just watching him take out whip after whip after whip, it was so exhilarating!"
"I'm not so sorry to be dead now," Mewtwo sighed, tossing Pit aside with his mind.
"Wow, this sure is a plot dump," remarked Kirby. "It must be pretty taxing on anybody reading this!"
The fourth wall of time shattered, and everyone sans Mewtwo returned to 2008.
"Hmm..." Mewtwo mused to himself. "Should I have told them about Luigi and the Smash Balls?"
A rush of color once again, and the Super Smash Brothers looked back around the surroundings of 2008.
"Well, you all-a heard Mewtwo," said Mario shakily. "Don't meet anybody-a new!"
"Are those guys new?" asked Ike, pointing at a crowd of people marching towards everyone.
Thousands of differently-colored troops were marching in rigid lines. Each line was headlined by a red figure, with an assortment of blue, yellow and green behind him.
"Alloy army, halt!" cried a Red Alloy. "Are you the Super Smash Brothers returning for the third tournament, codenamed Brawl?"
"Yes-a," replied Mario, confused. "But not all of us-a, some of the veterans are missing-a!"
"No matter," replied a Blue Alloy softly. "We were only sent for a delivery, by Master Hand."
"What kind of delivery?" asked Samus, assuming a stance similar to the Blue Alloy's own.
"Another fighter," piped up a Yellow Alloy. "Master Hand had a clear idea of who he wanted to see in the tournament, but this man won't fight!"
"Wow, easy for us then," scoffed Bowser.
"Wait a minute!" cried DK. "No! We won't take him! Tell Master Hand we have reliable orders not to take on another newcomer!"
"Why the hell not?" demanded a Green Alloy coarsely. "Master Hand's running the thing, not you!"
"Hey, I don't like your tone, punk!" snarled Kirby. "You go back to your friends and shut the hell up!"
"Make me, jackass!" snarled the Green Alloy, staring Kirby up and down.
"I don't make monkeys, I train them!" retorted Kirby.
"Heys!" protested Diddy Kong.
"Sorry," snapped Kirby, not taking his eyes off the Alloy.
"It's true-a," said Mario sadly. "You can't give us another one-a!"
"We can and will," replied the Red Alloy irritably. "Now take Captain Olimar under your wing!"
"Listen dudes, we're doing something dangerous, and we can't afford to put one extra life in danger!" argued Sonic.
"Not our problem," shrugged the Yellow Alloy.
"It will be in the long run!" cried Link.
"I don't think so!" snarled the Green Alloy. "Olimar, get out here!"
One figure stepped out of the Alloy crowd, as another twenty-three waited with bated breath....
A rotting smell was filling the grounds of Peach's castle. A twisted blue fox paw stuck out of the ground at a dislocated angle, covered in blood and burn marks. Some of the blood was fresh from a shovel wound to get her in her final resting place, even if the resting place was only a small pile of sand thrown over a mangled corpse.
"Well, at least we gave Krystal a proper burial," remarked Wolf, tossing a shovel aside. "Lucario, you have nothing to worry about now."
"Thank you," smiled Lucario.
"What do we do if some Subspace guy comes looking for Krystal?" asked Ganondorf, worried.
"Simple, we tell them that Jigglypuff killed her," shrugged Wolf. "She's the biggest liability of us anyway."
"Haha, I'm a bigger liability than you!" laughed Jigglypuff. "I bet you're jealous, Ganondork! Haha!"
"If only you didn't need help fending off the Minister on your own, Ganondorf," Wolf smirked. "The King of Evil? Don't make me laugh."
"The thing disappeared into thin air!" protested Ganondorf. "Shouldn't we be worrying about that?"
"And the same thing happened to your Mansion?" asked Wolf.
"Yes!" cried Ganondorf. "It was gone, and everyone inside it got all scattered and messed up!"
"Well then, I suppose the Ancient Minister is even more powerful than we give him credit for," mused Wolf.
"And like a jillion times scarier," added Jigglypuff fearfully.
"Without any way to know where he's going, I'm at a loss..." admitted Wolf. "Lucario, any ideas?"
The quiet Aura Pokemon looked up quickly.
"I'm not sure either," apologised Lucario. "Sorry."
"Why the hell does the Minister want Aura anyway?" demanded Ganondorf. "Lucario seems useless to me!"
"The Aura was created by the Hands themselves," replied Wolf. "So it must be worth something, especially since it made an emotionless weirdo like the Minister crave it."
"And there's only two halves of us, and I'm one of them," added Lucario.
"I stopped caring," replied Ganondorf flatly.
"Not to mention what happens when both Benevolent and Malevolent Auras make contact," said Lucario, sounding hopeful. "Now if we could just find the Malevolent Aura..."
"Don't go any further!" warned Wolf. "We're not finding it!"
"Why not?" asked Ganondorf, caring again while Jigglypuff stared blankly.
"We have one half, I'm not risking what'll happen if the two collide," answered Wolf.
"But the power unleashed would be unimaginable-" butted in Lucario, entranced.
"Shut up!" screamed Wolf, losing control and taking out his Blaster.
"Someone's cranky," remarked Ganondorf.
"I just don't want to hear any horror stories right now, my mission's stressful enough," replied Wolf defensively.
"Okay, you don't have to scare us," said Jigglypuff. "I'm already seriously in need of a change here."
Wolf sighed deeply. "Look, if splitting up the Aura was something the hands had to do, then the full form must really be something. And it looks like even the embodiment of goodness wants its power."
"So what do we do now?" asked Jigglypuff.
"Anything except look for the damned Ma-ow!" cried Wolf, grabbing his head. "Master Hand, couldn't you knock first by now?"
"Sorry Wolf, but I have bad news. It's abou-hey, were you just talking about the Aura?"
Wolf, Jigglypuff, Ganondorf and Lucario all exchanged nervous glances.
The coup de grace, catalyst for the Subspace ambush, new inductee to the SSB, and delivery man extraordinaire Captain Olimar stepped out to meet his new friends. Unfortunately, he found himself vastly different to them.
He was significantly shorter than a great deal of them, for one thing.
"H-hello," greeted Olimar timidly.
Several pairs of eyes blinked at him.
"Can you even fight, little man?" asked Bowser incredulously. "We've got a struggle coming up!"
"Well, I can, um, d-do a little bit of...there's some...I can...." stuttered Olimar.
Several Smashers exchanged glances.
"Oh god, I can't take it!" screamed Olimar suddenly. "I need more! MORE!"
Olimar ripped a small flower being out of the ground and lit it on fire.
"Pikmin, sweet sweet Pikmin!" roared Olimar, throwing the burning Pikmin on the ground. He ripped off his helmet and crouched down in front of the line of ash.
"Dude," said Ike, stunned.
"Duuude," agreed Bowser.
Olimar stuck out his overly large nose and began snorting the poor Pikmin.
"Yeah, I'm feeling it now!" shouted Olimar, jumping around in tip-top condition. "Float like a butterfly, sting like a freakin' bee, baby!"
"Gee whiz Olimar, you sure are different!" smiled Yoshi helpfully.
"You want one of these, kid?" asked Olimar. "Real primo stuff I got here! Try a purple one, they get you really buzzed!"
"No, Mr. Olimar!" shouted Peach. "He does not want one!"
Yoshi looked down sadly.
"Woohoo-hoo!" cheered Olimar, throwing Pikmin after Pikmin into the air. "Es muyo bueno!"
"We seriously-a have to take him?" asked Mario, looking over at the chuckling Alloys.
"Master Hand's orders," a Yellow Alloy chortled.
"What's wrong with me, huh, huh?" demanded Olimar, bouncing around Mario at extremely fast speeds.
"Macs, you don't want to go down that roads!" warned Diddy, alarmed. "Look what it's doings to your nose, mac!"
"Don't be a square!" argued Olimar, jumping up and down. "I'm fi-oh god, I'm coming down!"
Captain Olimar twitched heavily, and then fell over unconscious.
"Well-a, look here!" said Mario, frustrated. "We're about to be ambushed-a by the Subspace Army-a now that we have another Brother-a! Can't you Alloys stay and help fight off-a the Subspace?"
"You think Master Hand sent us here with this bozo?" scoffed a Red Alloy. "Afraid not. See, Olimar was a hostage we picked up."
"What are you saying?" demanded Kirby.
"We are the ambush," grinned a Green Alloy tactlessly.
As soon as that statement left the Alloy's not-a-mouth, Alloys left, right and center were taking off their metallic armor. What had once been a tirade of color was now a single, uniform grey.
A swarm of Primids confronted the Super Smash Brothers, the newest of which was currently babbling something about sun fairies in his sleep.
"We're going to have to pull off something drastic!" gasped Link, panicking.
A Primid threw a boomerang at the Smashers.
"Dear Wright, they have boomerangs!" gasped Pikachu. "This is worse than I thought!"
"Why would they have kidnapped this freak anyway?" demanded Bowser, kicking Olimar's body.
A Smash Ball floated out of Olimar's suit.
"Oh, that's why," realised Bowser. "Good enough for me, I guess someone who hasn't done theirs can take it-"
"Screw you, it's mine!" shouted Zelda, lunging for the Smash Ball.
Snake detonated a C4, blowing up the Smash Ball.
"No way, not letting you get a hold of the Smash Ball's power," said Snake firmly. "Speaking of which, ow."
Snake twitched, got purple eyes, and became Evil Snake.
Evil Snake felt around his face, and slowly touched his ear.
AUX Call – Push Select
"Snake, what's your situation?" asked a gruff voice from the other line. "We haven't heard from you in months! Meryl's been worried, and don't get me started on Otacon's nighty mastu-"
"Colonel, send me a chopper," said Evil Snake casually.
"Snake! I demand you listen to me!" shouted the Colonel. "You can't just make demands! Only I can do that because I'm super-cool badass military gangster dog Double-Dutch cool guy!"
"I will pull out your heart, eat it and paint the walls of your house with my heart-drenched saliva," replied Evil Snake conversationally.
"However, you make a persuasive argument," said the Colonel. "Chopper's on its way!"
"The military's sweet," whispered Kirby to Yoshi.
Suddenly, Snake did a large jump into a helicopter.
"When did that get there?" asked Bowser.
"Wow, Snake has a really tight ass!" noticed Pit. "I mean really, the suit is skin-freakin'-tight! Is he trying to be on display, 'cause I like it!"
Several Primids and a few Smashers mobbed Pit.
"Insufferable fools!" cried Snake down at his fellow Smashers. "In the words of angry Austrians slash controversial governor choices everywhere, get to the chop-pah!"
"Quick, leave Pit behind!" cried Ike, pushing his way to the front of the rope ladder queue.
Smasher after Smasher began to climb the rope ladder slowly being extended from the helicopter.
"Cut the rope!" shouted Kirby, who was second-last before Pit.
The helicopter took off, leaving Pit alone against the onslaught of Primids.
Evil Snake took out his grenade launcher, and re-opened the hatch.
"Eat this, Subspace bastards!" shouted Snake angrily, firing RPGs at Primids. He even killed one with a copy of Final Fantasy. Get it? RPG? As in role playing game instead of rocket propelled gr-you know what, up yours too.
A large circle of Primids around Pit was decimated.
"Thanks for saving me, Snake!" called Pit from the ground, as the outer Primids charged at him. "Now turn around please!"
Pit pulled out a video camera.
"Load another clip, load another clip!" urged Zelda. "DO IT!"
"I think the Smash Ball energy's fading," admitted Snake.
Zelda elbowed Snake in the face and took the grenade launcher.
"Uh, I don't think you should-" began Snake.
Zelda fired every round of the clip at Pit, blowing him up in a firey explosion of death.
"Wait, we left Olimar!" panicked Lucas. "We need to go back for him!"
"Yes, I agree!" agreed DK. "Sure he's annoying, but I bet anybody learning about Olimar's antics wouldn't throw up and sent hatemail to whoever's making these character histories up!"
Snake took the helm of the helicopter and performed a flawless nosedive towards Pit and Olimar.
Pit let out a squeal of excitement. "You guys! I'm so glad you came to-"
Snake punched Pit in the face and took Olimar's unconscious body.
"I got him!" cheered Snake. "I saved Olimar!"
"Hooray-a!" cheered Mario. "Now that we saved-a the guy we met ten minutes-a ago who we don't even like-a, our party is complete once-a more!"
The helicopter gave a sudden lurch.
"What was that?" asked Samus urgently.
Snake looked in the rear-view mirror.
"Pit exploded again," answered Snake.
Cheers erupted from all around.
"Hey, look, Olimar's waking up dudes!" noticed Sonic.
Olimar feebly stirred, then at last he slowly sat up.
"Olimar, you need anything?" asked Meta Knight.
"I need...more buzztime..." whispered Olimar hoarsely.
"You're kidding," said Meta Knight flatly.
Olimar somehow ripped three Pikmin out of the helicopter, and did the same disgusting trick to snort them he did before.
"OH YEAH THAT DID IT!" cheered Olimar, high as...a kite....on Pikmin.
His comrades blinked, confused.
"I tell you, these freakin' white Pikmin really do it!" grinned Olimar, bouncing around the helicopter.
Blood leaked from Olimar's nose.
"I'm feeling it!" cheered Olimar, taking off his suit.
"I'm feeling it too!" smiled Fox innocently.
"You want one of these?" asked Olimar, holding a Pikmin out to Fox.
"Well I don't see why not!" grinned Fox stupidly, lighting a Pikmin on fire.
"Fox, don't!" warned Pokemon Trainer. "You might think drugs are cool now, but they'll have adverse effects on your brain!"
"D'aww, I was dropped on my head for that," sighed Fox with an air of nostalgia. "I don't want any!"
"Goods decision, Fox," smiled Diddy.
Olimar suddenly span around. "Who are you guys, the narcs? You'd feel better if you had some of this!"
Olimar threw several lit Pikmin at Diddy, and immediately the latter's pupils became dilated.
"I can see colours, macses!" gasped Diddy, his eyes unfocused.
"What did you do to him?" asked DK, outraged. He picked up Olimar and throttled him violently.
"Don't suppose you'll want one then?" asked Olimar innocently.
Angrily, DK threw Olimar aside and went to pick up Diddy.
"Great, I don't think Diddy can hear me!" cursed DK angrily.
"Snake, can I use the microphone?" asked Pokemon Trainer.
"Piss off," replied Snake irritably.
Pokemon Trainer blinked, and then took the microphone anyway.
"Still think drugs are cool?" asked Pokemon Trainer, staring directly forward.
"Who are you talking to?" asked Snake.
Pokemon Trainer opened his mouth to answer.
...
...
And so another chapter comes to a conclusion. Read, review and remember: stay off drugs!
Over 1 person dies each year from over-exposure to Pikmin. Do your part, and keep Pikmin out of our public schools.
This chapter is dedicated to the memory of Alan "Al" Imart (and that is a silent 't'), who died after smoking a White Pikmin. The character Olimar was created as an homage to Al Imart.
Choose life, my children.