I Say; It's Alright

BPOV

Throwing myself into the back of the chair, I looked up to the celling, focusing on the swirls of the artex.

"So how did you sleep last night, Bella?" Aro's voice called to me and I immediately focused my gaze on his.

This was our one on one time, and after him getting out an astounding amount of information from me yesterday and proceeding to tell Charlie and Edwards about it, I was...confused.

On one hand I felt a load lighter after we had discussed things, after I told them about Rosalie's words. But on the other hand I was worried about the pain it would cause to get to that point once again.

"Great." I told him truthfully about my sleep. "The medication seemed to work this time. No nightmares." I felt brand new and I had slept all by myself. I never needed another's arms and I didn't need Edward.

I still loved him. I only felt that now I was able to cope better alone.

Aro smiled at me. "So you are happy?"

Of course I was. "Yep." I popped my P, feeling ecstatic over climbing that hurdle.

"Good. I'm glad its working. Let me know if it ever stops. It shouldn't, but perhaps pressures of these sessions could cause your anxiety to increase. In time it should lower as you work through your issues, but starting off, you might find you struggle with what we may talk about."

I only nodded with a wide smile, positive that nothing was going to bring back the dreams.

"Okay, so today I want to talk about the future..." He eyed me, waiting for a response.

"Isn't this about my past though?" I asked a little confused.

"It is. But your past affects your future and I need to know what you want from life so we can begin to focus on getting to the things that you really want out of it."

I suppose it made sense.

I shrugged. "I've never really thought about it. I just assumed I would keep working at the outdoor shop."

Aro squiggled on his page as he nodded. "Is that what you like to do?"

I nodded and so did he.

But I didn't really like my work, I put up with it because that was life.

"What were you're plans when you were in Florida? I'm sure you never planned on working at the outdoor shop in Forks when you lived in Jacksonville."

He was right. I had never dreamed of going back to Forks, unless to perhaps visit my dad. But even then, we usually met half way. I hadn't been to Forks in years until I went back to live with Charlie.

"Well...I planned on going to college like everyone else. But things change."

"They do." Aro agreed. "But was that a change you wanted?"

I shook my head. I still wanted to go to college, but my grades were too low after a let my school work slide.

"What do you want?" Aro pushed.

"Too go to college. I know I can't...but it would be kinda cool, you know. It would have been good to go with Alice."

"Alice was a change that you liked? I mean obviously after the loss of your mother, I'm sure you would have wanted her back if you could...But Alice was a positive that came from all the changes..?"

I laughed a little. He was right. "I...I don't know what life would have been like without her. Maybe she would have be better off. I did almost kill her." I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity all those months ago.

"And there was a change for Alice then, too. A positive one. Not that she lost you, but that she concentrated on her work and got into college."

I frowned. "I..I suppose."

"See, Bella, with everything, even the bad, there can be good. After your little "run in"-" he even used air quotes "-with Edward, you got Alice back. And a very good confidant in Edward."

I blew out a puff of air. He was right. Things seemed to go around in strange ways, but in the end I got Edward and Alice...and Jake, despite still not hearing from him.

"These are all things that came about by chance. Like your move back to Forks. But going to college would have been a deliberate change. What other deliberate changes would you like?" he smiled warmly at me and for once I was certain I was going to get through this without tears.

"I suppose I just want to be like everyone else. Grow up, maybe get married and have kids. A good job and nice house." It was such a tired answer to him, I was sure, but it was the truth.

"There is nothing wrong with wanting those things. What kind of job do you want?" he asked intently.

"I wanted to be a teacher..." I felt myself blush. As if a girl like me could ever become a teacher

now. Who would ever trust me with kids or teenagers?

"That's a good job. You must be incredibly patient. What would you like to teach?" he only waited for me to continue. His gentle questions prodding me along to thoughts I hadn't thought about in so long.

"I thought maybe English...or religion." He smiled at that one.

"Did your interest in saints and gods pull you towards religion?"

"Yes. I'm not really religious...I mean I have beliefs...but last time I was in a church was for Emmett's wedding and the time before that..." Trying to thing about the last time I was in a church, I remembered.

"I was in Houston. A load of survivors ate by a church hall and I went into...pray." I shyly admitted. I remembered the day so clear. I had never felt so alone. I thought I would become mixed up with all the rubble after New Orleans, that no one would notice me and that Charlie would forget about me. But he never. He hunted me down until I was securely in his arms in Houston.

I remembered not letting go of him for hours. All I had done was cling to his side. Even in the drive back to Forks I had watched him, wondering if he would die in the car, just like my mum and Phil had.

I wondered how we had got to where we were now. He surly must have been ashamed with how I had changed. He knew the things I had done, but he was still there. Truthfully, I hadn't actually thought about all the things my dad had done for me, not until right now. Even when I gave him no reason to trust me, he kept trying to keep his faith in me, letting me live as I wanted, despite him holding my legal rights in his hands.

We were talking about my future and I kept going back to the past.

"How do you do it?" I asked a little aggravated.

"What?" He asked confused.

"You just made a whole other bucket of thoughts come to the light...thoughts I had forgot about."

He smiled at me and laughed a little. "That's why I get paid the big bucks." He winked.

I laughed at his words.

"I'm glad that its causing other thoughts to float to the top. Can I ask what they are?" He asked softly.

"Charlie... He's been so good to me...and I've been the daughter from hell..." He must have been ready to break with me.

"You had a hard experience. Your behaviour is normal and your father loves you very much. More than you probably even realize. He worries for you. He worries for your sudden relationship with Edward, too."

I looked at Aro in surprise. "Does he not like him?" I asked worried.

"You're father likes him a lot. You're dad know what Edward has brought to your life since he arrived. He's only concerned that you two are becoming too heavily involved too quick, and while you are still very fragile."

"He doesn't want me to see him?" I guessed.

"No. It's not that, Bella. It's not only your father that is concerned, I am, too. Also for Edward...He is very keen on you and it could be a worry that you both become too dependant on one another."

"I don't need him." I told him sharply. "I slept alone just fine, last night." I was still more than proud of that fact.

"And that is great. But you will be spending time apart and I will be watching at how you cope. It's one thing to be in love but its quite another to be dependant." Aro's words seeped into my mind as I thought about only having Charlie near me.

Lying out on my bed, Edward knocked on my door. I was alone as Jane was seeing Aro at present.

I smiled up at him instantly and as I saw my dad behind him, I smiled up at him too. I jumped off of my bed, skipping past Edward and hugging my dad, truly appreciating this man and all that he had put up with, from me.

He looked surprised at my affection and even blushed as I kissed his cheek. I never said anything. I didn't need to. He was my dad.

Shifting to Edward I wrapped my arm around his waist as I pecked him quickly on the lips. Not wanting to make either my dad or Edward uncomfortable.

"Afternoon, Love." Edwards smile beamed down on me and it made me feel good. I love it. But I worried a little about if I needed it.

I felt a small tap against my leg and realized that Edward held a gift bag in his hand. Looking down at it, I returned my gaze to Edward, silently questioning him to its contents. Had he bought me a present?

I felt worried in case he had felt guilty at having to return home and that this was him trying to make it up to me. He did like to buy things for me. Nothing with expensive price tags, but nothing I needed either.

"Oh, the bag." He lifted it up in front of me, offering it. "I got you a little something...Something to start that life you want, with."

I felt confused by his words, so I accepted the bag and pulled out a box. It was a digital camera. "So you can take all the pictures you want..." He smiled wildly at me, amused.

Now all I needed was friends to take pictures of.

As if he had read my mind, he began again. "I know that you miss your friends..." I rolled my eyes at that one, Edward knowing exactly the little number of friends I had. Alice and Jake. "So I brought someone along to take pictures with." His head turned toward the door as he called out "Alice."

My eyes widened in pure shock that she was here and when she floated through my door I rushed instantly to her arms.

"Jude." I exclaimed her pet name as I kissed her cheek. I was holding on for dear life to her but I was just so happy to see her.

She squealed too, pulling me further and further into her as she swung me from side to side in our tight hug, the hug she always gave to me.

Her voice turned sharp as she pulled away. "I can't believe that you thought we never had any pictures of us together. I have a ton of them." She gleefully smiled at me as she waved up a photo album in font of me. Of course this was Alice. How could she not have pictures of us.

Tugging on my arm, she pulled me down to my bed, instantly settling the photo album on our knees so that we could look through it together.

"You two, you can go." She jokingly waved the pair of them with the back of her hand. "Edward was my way in. But I don't need him cramping my style." She winked at me with a playful nudge to the ribs as Edward only rolled his eyes at her.

"Come on, Charlie. Lets get a coffee. The two of them together are painful to listen too." Edward joked back with a sly grin.

"You're telling me about it. I thought Alice had moved in permanently, last year." Charles words only a sarcastic mumble, but with his words the two of them left us too it.

I did feel a little bad at Edward having to leave tonight and that I was spending time with Alice, but it really was great to spend time with her too.

Alice kicked off her little ballet pumps and tucked her feet below her as we got comfortable, flicking through the photo album.

There were ones that I did look genuinely happy in, but there were others that showed the real me, the me with the dead mum and who had walked through hell. Something stuck in my eyes and even thought Alice had her ever present beaming smile in the photo, I looked like a ghost. I was white with the darkest of eyes. I didn't look healthy at all. I knew it wasn't only thought lack of sleep, but also the amount of alcohol I consumed as well.

Alice tried to change the page, to move on, but my hand held the page down and Alice knew instinctively what I was looking at. She could see it too.

"Did I always look so ill?" That's what I looked like, ill. Like I should have been in hospital or something.

She nodded. "You did look good sometimes," her finger waving over a photo of me with a genuine smile on my face and Emmett's arms wrapped around my waist. I was being held mid air and you could tell I was laughing hard at Emmett and his playful antics. "But you didn't look good a lot of the time, Bella." Her pout twisted to the side as if she was trying to hold in the truth or wishing that she could have taken back her honesty. But this was Alice. She usually was honest, but she just wouldn't tell you how shit you actually looked if it was only going to bring you down more at the time.

"Look at you now though." her hand weaved through my hair, which looked a lot better than it did in the photos. "You were always beautiful, Bella. You just needed to stop the bad habits and get some rest. Get some help."

Had I looked so extreme when I had met Edward? Did he think of me as ugly because of how I looked back then? He called me beautiful now, but had he always thought that?

I still never spoke. Too stunned to try.

"Bella, its not about how you looked. Look past the dark circles and see the real smile you had on your face." She sighed. "Edward told me that you think that you only have me and Jake as a friend, but you have Emmett too. Look at all the mad times we had together." She flicked thought the album. More and more pictures of the three of us. Me, Alice and Emmett. There was even the odd ones with Esme and Carlisle.

I felt a little guilty at not thinking of Emmett as a friend too, but with Rosalie's general attitude towards me, I always tried to keep myself back from him, so not to up set her and not to cause any undue tension between the couple.

I swallowed hard and felt the guilt in my gut.

Edward was mad with Rosalie – there was no doubt about it, but would I cause Emmett to be upset with her too? He had always defended me to her. I didn't want to be the reason of any fall out after they just got married.

"Did...did Edward tell you anything else?" I asked carefully.

"Rose?" She bit her name out firmly. "That cow will be getting it from me. I mean what a fucking bitch..." She hissed her words out in anger. "I'm going home when they get back from there honeymoon and I plan on bitch slapping some manners into that girl."

"Alice..." my voice begged for her not to be so brutal, with her words or actions. Though I knew she never would actually hit Rosalie.

"No, Bella. She had no right. Edward is fuming and I don't blame him. So am I." she shouted her last sentence. "Emmett wont be pleased either..." She told me as an after thought.

"You can't tell him. Don't let Edward go after her either, please. It was an argument-"

"An argument?" She jumped in. "An argument is when two people verbally disagree over something. "She...she..." she looked for her words with a struggle. "She bullied you, Bella. She tore at a weak spot and she went after you. I don't care what her thoughts of you and Edward are, because she doesn't know you. I do. I encouraged the two of you to become friends and if she thinks she can just walk in and mess with me...she has another thing coming."

I panicked for Rosalie. Alice was hell when she was mad. She never often directed it and in times in life she was weak, but after being without me, she had strengthened and she was a force to reconcile with. I didn't need to witness it, it oozed out of her pours.

"Edward thinks she's pregnant." I let out in some hope of her being nicer toward her.

"I know she is. I know these things. It doesn't mean she gets to be an hormonal cow towards you."

"Well...well maybe that's all it was. Maybe she was a little hormonal. You can't blame her for that." I argued.

"Oh piss off, Bella." She told me sharply but it wasn't really a go at me, it was her simply telling her to stop trying to bullshit her. "That is no excuse." She sighed. "Anyway. You're not a friend. You're family. Family don't do that."

Emmett and Alice had both always referred to me as a sister. Though Edward never.

"And once you marry Edward. It will be official." She sang out.

I choked on my own air at her words. Was she crazy?

Okay, me and Edward had some kind of relationship going on...But marriage? Was she mental?

She only smiled slyly at me on that one. "And then you're gonna have bundles of photos form you wedding..." her eyes were wide, clearly trying to get a rise out of me.

I ignored her and got back to the photos and looking at the genuine smile on my face that I did actually have in most of the photographs.

Alice was gone.

She had to leave to get to her afternoon lectures. But not before we managed to cause chaos running through the halls and snapping photographs of us in every kind of pose.

We even got yelled at as we crashed through Aro's room by accident, making a tearful Jane, smile across at us before we quickly disappeared back out of the door.

We hadn't meant to interrupt but we had fell through the door as we snapped out photos below the name plate on his door.

It was good to laugh again and looking at the pictures on the screen of the camera, you could see the genuine smile on my face – and I looked healthy at the same time.

There were shots of Edward and Charlie too. Ones of all four of us and even some with Jane. She was quick to get in on the fun after we had disturbed her session.

I had my session with Aro, Edward and Charlie and we all spoke about my future for the first time.

College was an option. I had to go back and study and do out of school tests. But if I was smart enough to pass, I could still get in. And apparently my messed up background was seen as a positive in my strength and determination in life...well something along those lines. I was confused, but all I knew was that I could still become that teacher some day. It was another positive.

It felt like all these good things had came crashing down into my knee and it was my own self-obsession that stopped me from actually seeing what was out in the world for me.

If only I had asked for help sooner...

Charlie spoke to Aro and Edward once again entered my room.

He was heading home soon and I knew that it was going to be hard to be here without the person that had got me here in the first place, but I was determined.

Jane had gone off to talk to some of the other girls, leaving me alone but knowing that Edward would be back to speak to me soon.

She told me she would rather listen to Bree talk about burning herself that to witness another kiss between Edward and me. All in good humour though.

He shyly walked in before taking a seat on the edge of my bed. Slowly he stretched himself out along beside me and I felt his warm body against mine, taking the camera out of my hand before snapping a picture of me.

I was caught a little off guard, not expecting him to actually take the photograph.

"I wasn't ready." I complained.

"You looked beautiful." he told me sweetly before he kissed my forehead.

Opening the bottom if the camera, it died. The power cut from it. He then proceeded to remove the memory card and I felt panic build in me. Was I not allowed to look at the pictures?

He obviously saw my worry. "Relax." he told me confidently as he replaced it with another. "It was almost full so I will take this home with me and get them printed out and send them down. I just wanted a picture of you so I could see you."

I smiled shyly at his sweet words. "But now I don't get to see you..." I argued as he placed the filled card in a protective box.

"That's easy." he told me as he clicked the cameras bottom closed, brining it back to life once again.

Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he pulled me into his chest a little and pointing the camera above us. "Smile..." his word whispered into my ear as I did as instructed.

Flipping the camera around, I smiled at how gorgeous he was in the photo.

How the hell did I manage to have him? How did I get so lucky that he found me?

Was this my reward for still living? For still breathing?

I felt my eyes well as I thought about him leaving me. I knew he wasn't actually leaving me, but returning to work.

I wanted him to be with me, to never leave me.

Perhaps this was what Aro had seemed so concerned about. But I loved Edward, of course I would miss him. But I did wonder what was normal and what was borderline dependant.

"Bella, love, don't look like that." He told me as he gently kissed my lips. "I'll be back in a few days." He sighed because he knew the lie he was about to tell. "You won't even notice I'm gone."

"I'm going to miss you so much. What will I do without you?" I actually felt lost and scared. He had been by my side constantly. I knew our feelings for one another was deep, but would they survive our time apart. Would I survive our time apart? Or would he see sense?

I was eighteen; I was barley an adult.

Edward; He was perfection. And could do a lot better than me.

"You are going to get sleep and you are going to take pictures and you are going to talk away to people who can understand you better. The people here, talk to them. Learn to cope better and then learn to live again. Once you do your time here and your better, we can be together again. In my bed." His tone was hushed on his last sentence but I knew that his bed was my paradise. Not because it was the place where we had made love but because it was the place where it all began. It was the place he began to heal me.

I nodded knowing he was right.

"Besides, you have Christopher to keep you safe." He winked at me as his finger caressed the silver charm that still hung from my neck from when he had put it there.

"And...I have something else for you..." he rummaged in his pocket, pulling out something. "I saw it in a shop today. I think it was a sign of the good to come." He smiled at me showing me a little wooden bracelet with saints painted onto the little wooden blocks. It was perfect and I loved it instantly.

He pulled on it, stretching he elastic around my hand and sliding it up onto my wrist.

"I love it." I smiled up at him before reaching up to kiss him to thank him. I looked back down at it admiring the detail on the little bracelet and beginning to rattle off the saints I recognised.

"Saint...Peter." I stuttered out, trying to tell them apart. Looking up at Edward, "He's the saint of fishermen."

He let out a little laugh at that one.

"Hmm... I think this is Saint Matthew." I smiled up at him. "He's the saint of bankers accountants and tax collectors." It sounded strange but that was his thing.

"Okay, so it's decided. We don't like Matthew." Edward joked with a crooked smile. I laughed at his words.

"I know this one." I felt excited at my love for this particular saint. "This is Saint Jude. Or as I like to call him...Alice." We both laughed "Saint of desperate causes. Saint of the hopeless." I missed Alice. I hoped I would see her again soon.

"He does look like her..." Edward joked with a straight face as he fingered the little wooden bead.

I moved on to the next. "This is your Saint." I told Edward, his face turning to confusion. "The saint of physicians and surgeons. He's Saint Luke." He smiled at that one.

I moved onto the next bead. "This is Saint Michael. He is the Patron saint of protection from death and illness."

"So he was the one that kept you safe?" Edwards tone was low and sweet. I looked up at him, understanding that he meant that it was Saint Michael that saved me from Katrina.

He gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek as I stopped at his words before he encouraged me to tell him the rest.

"This is Saint Francis of Assisi. He Is the Patron saint of animals and nature. Before he died he received the "Stigmata" of Christ. His wounds on his hand, feet and sides just like Christ's."

Edward only nodded at that piece of information.

I moved on to the next and took a deep breath. "This is Saint Elizabeth. She is the Patron of lost parents." My hands trembled as I thought about my mum and how much I missed her. She was never far from any thought I had and all I wanted was to see her and tell her I loved her.

Edward clasped my hands in his own, easing the trembling. He rest my hand against his chest and I could feel his heart beat. It soothed me. He swiftly pulled me into him, kissing my temple.

"I never meant to upset you..." He sighed out, clearly infuriated with himself.

I shook my head, pulling back from him so I could see into his eyes. "You didn't. I love it." I promised with all that was left of my soul. "Really." I clarified.

He shrugged as he held me, his warm arms making me relaxed and sleepy.

It was like being home, being held in his arms like how I was.

My lids fluttered, his warm scent sweeping me into a peaceful slumber.

Walking up, he was gone.

I opened my eyes to find only Charlie by my side. I didn't need to ask if he really was gone, I just knew.

I quickly sat up, my eyes tracing the door frame that he had leaned against only an hour or so ago.

"He had to get back home. Its a long road." Charlies tone was soft and understanding.

Turning to him I smiled softly. "So just me and you now?" I tried to stay positive.

I didn't like how he had sneaked away while I was asleep, but I also knew I couldn't over react. I would see him in a few days.

I would survive. I would get thought it, just like I had got through the rest of my life without him.

I was a big girl and I was determined to stand on my own two feet.

Charlie only smiled at my words. My positive day, determined to keep running.

"Lets go get a coffee or something. I'm sure I could break you out of here for an hour." he joked as he stood, heading towards the door.

Aro gave the green light to head outside and see more of where I was.

I had never really been to Seattle before. I had been as I child with my mum and dad, but I never held any real memory of it.

We took a cab out into the city centre and I was blown away with it all.

The lights...the buzz...

We walked for a few minutes until we found a quiet coffee shop. It was old school. Rustic, traditional. The kind where the baking had been made on the premises and not produced elsewhere and shipped out to the chain of shops. It was very Charlie.

I sat with a hot chocolate and my Victorian sponge and for the first time in forever, I felt normal.

It was me and my dad - talking and laughing.

I had brought my camera along with me and even though he complained at my snapping with the camera – he still posed for me.

It felt like I was on holiday.

I had a flash back to me, my mum and Phil in Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans, but I never felt sad. I felt happy. I had that experience, I had that memory.

Now, even though I missed my mum, I was making proper ones with my dad.

Edward had saved me from self destruction, but Charlie had saved me a million other ways. I had just been so blind sighted to see it.

I looked up at my dad and laughed. He had froth stuck in his moustache. I pointed and he hastily wiped at his face, but still missing it. Grabbing hold of a napkin, I wiped it away for him.

"Damn posh coffee. What's wrong with just adding a splash of milk? What's with all the froth?" He asked a little amused.

I laughed at him and his determination to never really change. He liked his old ways. He could appreciate the simple things in life and that was good.

"It's called a latte, dad." I rolled my eyes at him in joke as he rolled his eyes at me and no doubt my "pretentious" word for a white coffee.

Before long, it was time to head back.

I had an hour and it was running out. I knew I was lucky to be allowed out but I think Aro saw it as a distraction for the night at Edward leaving.

We made it back and walking through the main entrance, I clung to my dad like the day he had found me in Houston, but this time, the pain in my chest was only at my own stupidity for not appreciating Charlie as much as I should have.

a/n: Awwww – happy times – please review – I beg of you!