I'm sure all you people are eager to find out what happens next for those dang Smashers. Whose life are they saving? What's up with Jigglypuff? How will Wolf get out of his latest pickle? And so on?
However, I'm not going to tell you! Instead of IStalkKirby bringing you your usual fix, this chapter will be guest authored by me! Ha! Bet you didn't see that one coming!
I don't own anything. I live on the street and steal computers for a living.
Rebuilding
Chapter 41: Joining Farces
Dear Worthless Robot, from the Overlord of the Subspace Army,
I appreciate your remorse over the loss of your home, and the effects of the Aura. However, allow me to argue with you once more.
My brother is responsible for binding together the Super Smash Brothers, and I understand that a great deal of the Aura is among them. I am referring to the Pokemon Lucario, who Master Hand granted permission to replace the deceased Mewtwo, if I am correct.
Master Hand is just as much to blame as I am, whether he likes it or not. Refrain from whining only at me, and focus on killing anything supporting the Super Smash Brothers. Once you have done so and infused yourself with as much of the Aura as possible, we will talk about your...comments.
And as I write this, I am aware that you are currently involved in some business on the Fountain of Dreams. Seize a human mind, kill all in your way, and stop wasting time complaining to me.
Wolf and Ganondorf sprinted deeper and deeper into the Whispy Woods, evading their three attackers.
Eventually, they dove into a clearing, behind a large tree.
"Where did those three come from?" asked Wolf, frustrated.
"I don't know!" replied Ganondorf. "But why are they attacking us?"
Wolf and Ganondorf began climbing the tree to avoid further attack.
"You don't think the Minister brainwashed them, do you?" asked Wolf, horrified.
"Pretty sure you need to have a brain to get brainwashed," chuckled Ganondorf. "Those three are pretty dumb. Falco slacks off, Game and Watch is a freak, and Luigi's too busy being in love."
"Oh, that's a relief," sighed Wolf. He reached eye level with the Fountain of Dreams. "Look, there's Jigglypuff! Wait...I don't believe this, something's wrong with her!"
"Really?" asked Ganondorf sarcastically.
"Look for yourself!" snapped Wolf. Ganondorf looked over and saw Jigglypuff's body on the Fountain, covered in blood.
"Whoa, is she dead?" asked Ganondorf, grinning. "Awesome!"
"I don't know!" cried Wolf, squinting. He crawled forward on the branch he was on.
"Watch out," smiled Ganondorf, as the branch made cracking noises.
"You seem to love the idea of us getting hurt," said Wolf flatly.
"It comes with being the King of Evil," explained Ganondorf. "Uh-duuuh."
"Quick, we need to get back to the fountain," decided Wolf. "She looks like she's breathing...I think..."
"She's a balloon!" argued Ganondorf. "Maybe she's just losing air or something! Let's help her die!"
Ganondorf took a large branch from the tree and tried to throw it at the Fountain.
Ganondorf was behind Wolf.
The Fountain was several metres away.
Ganondorf hit Wolf in the back of the head.
"Ow!" yelled Wolf, hitting his face off of his branch. "What was that for?"
"Oops, sorry," replied Ganondorf nonchalantly as Wolf's nose bled over the tree.
Mr. Game and Watch, Falco, and Luigi looked up to the trees, with loathing, indifference and fear. Respectively.
"He's up there, the sneaky son of a-Luigi! Kill Wolf up there! Use this!" grinned Mr. Game and Watch savagely, giving Luigi a tiny knife.
"Um, I don't think we should-" stammered Luigi, trying to avoid looking Mr. Game and Watch in the eye.
"Shut up and be cool, that's the point of peer pressure," scoffed Falco, thrusting some gasoline into Luigi's hands. "Commit arson like a cool kid."
"Uh, o-okay," whimpered Luigi, lighting a match nervously.
"Falco, you idiot, it's not peer pressure, it's just killing Wolf!" argued Mr. Game and Watch. "Stay out of this!"
"Forgetting Master Hand's technicalities?" asked Falco tauntingly. "Luigi's part of Star Wolf now. I'm the leader of Star Wolf. So Luigi has to do whatever I tell him, right?"
"No!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch. "I want him to kill people!"
"I want him to start fires!" argued Falco. "Luigi, you're crap at life. Can't you try to be cool? Picture the look on Peach's face when she finds out you started a forest fire! If that doesn't get chicks, I don't know what will."
"That was the stupidest thing I ever heard," snapped Mr. Game and Watch. "Luigi, girls don't like fire, girls like knife crime!"
"Shut up!" shouted Falco. "I'm telling you, girls want to see things and people burn once in a while!"
Luigi sighed and ignored both of his fellow Smashers. He saw a robotic figure rematerialize behind another tree.
"Excuse me, but I saw something..." said Luigi timidly.
"Shut up! You're not cool! You're not Mario!" shouted Falco and Mr. Game and Watch at the same time.
The Ancient Minister quickly accessed his data files from when he tricked Mr. Game and Watch, and remembered how stupid the 2-D figure was. He prepared an appropriate disguise for himself.
"Better check exactly how dumb they are..." decided the Minister, looking back around the tree.
"Luigi, start cutting down the tree with this butter knife!" barked Mr. Game and Watch maniacally. "Falco, quick, let me murder you so that they know I'm a threat!"
The Ancient Minister rolled his eye units, and put on a fake mustache.
Almost as soon as the action below stopped, Wolf and Ganondorf began arguing again. Blood from Jigglypuff's body was now forming a large puddle on the Fountain, and even Ganondorf was having a hard time ignoring it. He gave a small wince, which wasn't missed by Wolf.
"We have to clear things up. Jigglypuff's losing way too much blood. I don't understand how she's losing blood since she's a balloon, but it's still not a good thing," decided Wolf.
"Exactly! That's not possible! Balloons can't bleed! Nothing to worry about!" laughed Ganondorf airily, pretending to be fine.
"Wait, I don't see Lucario," noticed Wolf. "This is bad, something could have happened to him! Seriously Ganondorf, we need to get back over there!"
Suddenly, a green-clad boy with three ghosts keeping him airborne rocketed past the tree at high speeds, carrying a limp body.
"What was that?" came Falco's shocked cry from below.
"What was that?" asked Ganondorf, bemused.
"Oh crap," realised Wolf. "That's that Toon Link guy from your SSB thing, isn't it? The Minister's been brainwashing again, we need to convince those guys down there we're on the same side!"
Wolf slid down the tree quickly, landing before Falco, Luigi and Mr. Game and Watch.
"Listen guys, I've got something to clear up with you," said Wolf urgently.
"You want to listen to him, he knows his stuff," interrupted Ganondorf, sliding down the tree painfully.
"Thank you Ganondorf, but let me tell the story," said Wolf irritably.
"I just wanted to put out a good word about you," sulked Ganondorf.
"What do you want, scum?" asked Mr. Game and Watch, staring at Wolf angrily.
"Yeah, what is it?" asked Falco.
"Shut up, Falco," grunted Mr. Game and Watch angrily.
"Don't talk to the leader of Star Wolf like that!" taunted Falco.
"What?" asked Wolf, confused. He quickly regained his composure. "I'm not with the Subspace Army. I'm Wolf O'Donnell, but you already know that, Falco."
"He's the real leader of Star Wolf," cut in Ganondorf.
"Shut up, Ganondorf," warned Wolf angrily.
"I'm just clearing up that problem so that Falco doesn't-" began Ganondorf.
"I said shut up," finished Wolf.
"Oh yeah, you're not with the Subspace Army," scoffed Mr. Game and Watch. "You already told that lie to me back in Port Town! Then you went and stole Jigglypuff and brainwashed Ganondorf, didn't you?"
"I'm a special employee of Master Hand!" shouted Wolf. "He told me to take down the Minister and bring you people back together!"
"And I'm not brainwashed," interrupted Ganondorf.
Wolf turned around and punched Ganondorf in the stomach.
"Ow! I was just clearing up another misunderstanding!" complained Ganondorf, doubling over.
"If you were working with Master Hand, you'd know our names, wouldn't you?" taunted Mr. Game and Watch.
Wolf sighed. "That doesn't make any real se-uh, I mean, yes, I would. You're Mr. Game and Watch, I already know Falco, and the quiet guy over there must be Mario's brother Luigi, I've heard of the Mario brothers before."
"Dammit!" yelled Mr. Game and Watch, refusing to admit he was wrong.
"Well Game and Watch, you made another set of rash decisions, and you're wrong again," pointed out Luigi. "What made you think that this guy was Subspace anyway?"
"I thought Master Hand told me he was!" protested Mr. Game and Watch. "I mean...maybe that message sounded a little strange...come on guys, let's discuss this in private."
"I sure hope they don't turn on us..." whispered Ganondorf.
Falco and Luigi shrugged, and followed Mr. Game and Watch behind another tree, as the Ancient Minister watched....
"We're going to have to give this one up," sighed Mr. Game and Watch. "I was wrong....that message definitely sounded weird...and seeing him hit Ganondorf like that shows us that he didn't brainwash him..."
"What?!" asked Falco, outraged. "You dragged us away from Corneria, and now you don't want to attack anyone? Don't you care about what he's done with Jigglypuff?"
"That's a good point," said Luigi nervously. "But Falco, I didn't think you would want to actually do anything! There's a chance that we could just go back to Corneria and wait for the SSB to find us!"
"I want to take down the Subspace Army as much as the next guy!" said Falco, outraged.
"Wolf's not part of the Subspace Army," sighed Mr. Game and Watch. "He knows who we are!"
"We're famous stars!" protested Falco. "Everyone knows who we are!"
"Falco, you're the one who knew Wolf before all of this!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch, annoyed. "Go out and see if he seems the same as he was back then! If he's different, then he is part of the Subspace Army!"
"That's stupid," scoffed Falco. "I'm the leader of Star Wolf, so that guy has to do what I say. And if he doesn't, I can get other people to do my work for me!"
Falco spotted the Ancient Minister, wearing his fake mustache disguise.
"Ah, there's a friendly face!" smiled Falco. "Maybe he'll help us!"
Falco began walking towards the Ancient Minister, who looked shocked he'd found such idiots.
"Falco, get back here!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch, worried. "I think that's a trap!"
"Shut up," said Falco determinedly. He walked right up to the Ancient Minister, and looked him in the eye.
"Hey, what's your name?" asked Falco.
"....Rob," replied the Ancient Minister. "Rob....Oticks. Rob Oticks."
The Ancient Minister pulled out a Dark Cannon.
"Wow, that's a simple name," chuckled Falco. "So, me and my friends need someone else to-"
The Ancient Minister charged up his Dark Cannon.
"Whoa, sweet gun!" gasped Falco. "Can I hold it?"
The Ancient Minister pointed the Dark Cannon at Falco's face.
"No," said the Ancient Minister coldly.
Falco blinked worriedly.
"So, I remembered that I have something to get back to," chuckled Falco nervously. "Waaaay on the other side of the Whispy Woods."
Falco calmly walked away, and then broke into a desperate sprint.
Wolf and Ganondorf stood nervously, listening intently.
"It's gone quiet now," noticed Ganondorf. "Do you think they really could have been brainwashed successfully by the Minister?"
Falco shoved Wolf and Ganondorf aside, running for his life with a panicky yellow trail following him. A Dark Cannon shot flew directly at him.
"Probably not," answered Wolf.
Falco's screams died down, much to everyone's horror.
"Did the Minister get him?" asked Ganondorf, petrified.
Falco emerged from behind a trophy of a Whispy Woods apple, looking angry and confused.
"What the hell was that?" demanded Falco. "I just asked him one simple question!"
"He's the Ancient Minister!" called Ganondorf. "He was wearing a disguise, idiot!"
Mr. Game and Watch stepped out to join Wolf and Ganondorf, followed by Luigi.
"Falco, come on!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch. "You need to be smarter than that! Don't be fooled by basic mistakes like that!"
Mr. Game and Watch noticed the Minister charging another Dark Cannon shot.
"Hey, look, a gunshot that looks like an arrow!" chuckled Mr. Game and Watch. "Isn't that just delightful?"
"Run!" cried Luigi, shoving Mr. Game and Watch aside in fear.
Luigi ducked under the Dark Cannon shot, and cowered behind Wolf.
"So I guess you guys weren't really brainwashed," shrugged Ganondorf and Mr. Game and Watch at the same time.
"He's not going to stop until he's killed all of us!" shouted Wolf angrily.
"Well get out there and kill him first!" urged Mr. Game and Watch.
"Yeah, c-come on!" stuttered Luigi. "Take care of this!"
"I'm not going out there!" agreed Ganondorf. "Get him, Wolf!"
"What does the Minister want, anyway?" whimpered Luigi.
"It's this thing called Aura, dude, it sucks ass!" complained Ganondorf.
"Ganondorf, you take these guys and try to fend off the Minister," said Wolf. "I need to get up to the fountain and help Jigglypuff!"
Wolf cautiously snuck around some trees, and ran towards the fountain.
"I sure hope it doesn't kill us!" panicked Luigi.
"Yeah, get used to this, Wolf's a real asshole," sighed Ganondorf.
"I've got too much to live for!" cried Luigi.
"Falco's fending him off for us," grinned Mr. Game and Watch. "We're good!"
Mr. Game and Watch gave Falco the thumbs-up. Trophies of trees were now up to Falco's chest, and the bird himself was becoming increasingly annoyed.
"Hey, fuck off, Minister dude!" shouted Falco. "Don't you think this is a bit over the top!?"
"The Super Smash Brothers must be stopped!" roared the Ancient Minister, firing Dark Cannon shot after Dark Cannon shot at Falco, missing every time.
"You're going to trophify somebody's eye out!" yelled Falco.
Falco was quickly buried under some of the heavier trophies.
The warmth and tarnished glory of the Mushroomy Kingdom had given way to narrow, cold discomfort in the Warp Pipe. Twenty-four people (albeit twenty-five personalities) were being crammed into the single space all at once. The chaos had started with the trapped cries of another person down below. Every Smasher – except the dumb ones, anyway – had realised that they could barely get underground, and would hardly be able to escape once another person joined their number.
By the time they reached halfway through the caves, some of the larger Smashers such as Bowser, Donkey Kong and King Dedede were digging into the sides of the tunnel, allowing for more space.
More of the feeble firework-like objects from outside were leading the Smashers closer to their goal. But when the trail died down, Mario was about to lead everyone back outside when something stripy caught his eye in the dirt.
"It's not-a, is it?" Mario smiled to himself. He reached down and lifted the striped surface up. It turned out to be somebody's shirt.
Mario pulled Ness up and beamed brightly.
"Ness-a!" grinned Mario. "How've you been-a? I knew the Subspace couldn't stop you guys-a! You're all veteran fighters-a!"
"Whoa, you guys!" cheered Ness. "I knew you'd find me! Ooh, this is so exciting!"
Ness pulled out a yo-yo and began fervently playing with it.
"Are these all the newcomers you found?" asked Ness. "I can't wait to get to know all of you!"
With a kind urge forward from Pokemon Trainer, Lucas stepped out and spoke up.
"N-ness?" asked Lucas timidly. "My name's Lucas. I've heard a lot about you..."
"Are you the same Lucas that had problems with Porky when he got sent to your time?" asked Ness kindly.
"Yes," replied Lucas. "I..he..."
"I heard what you did!" smiled Ness, shaking Lucas' hand enthusiastically. "It's a pleasure to meet you! I feel honoured!"
"You were dying to meet me?" asked Lucas, stunned.
"I've always wanted a fellow psychic!" chuckled Ness. Suddenly, he looked crestfallen. "Well....since Mewtwo died, anyway..."
"Kid, did you send out those trippy colours?" asked Olimar. "Far out, man!"
"The PSI signals?" asked Ness. "Sure did! PK Flash after PK Flash...tiring! Did you guys have a hard time getting here?"
"You could say that," was the collective response while Ness grinned naively.
"Ness, you jerk!" shouted Kirby. "You've been safe here inside this dirthole while all of us have been meeting weirdoes, running from evil armies, making a world tour and having our asses kicked time and time again?"
"I haven't had a great time either," shrugged Ness. "Marth, Captain Falcon and I were in Port Town, alright? And this mercenary guy-"
"That was me, remember?" asked Snake. "Only I was sort of evil at the time."
"Oh, hey!" smiled Ness. "Anyway, he was trying to kill Captain Falcon cause of his orders, yeah? So Luigi, Mr. Game and Watch and Jigglypuff brought us to Kanto for safety! Once we reunited, we all went to New Pork City to save Falco and Ganondorf, get the Ancient Minister, Snake, and that blue hedgehog!"
"Also evil by then, dude," interjected Sonic.
"Snake kicked Captain Falcon's ass, and the rest of us were totally surrounded! We saw Young Link, but Snake had also kicked his ass, and he's disfigured now!" smiled Ness.
Link angrily glared at Snake. Zelda took out a gun.
"We also found out that Snake murdered Mewtwo, Pichu and Roy right about the time when the Mansion got separated!" grinned Ness obliviously.
Pikachu glared at Snake as well, horrified. Every other veteran Smasher looked at Snake in disbelief.
"But then, Snake became a good guy!" cheered Ness. "Then these awesome ghosts of Mewtwo, Pichu and Roy showed up and beat the crap out of the Minister! After we got rid of him, Snake left, and we went to stop the Subspace bomb in New Pork City, and this Pokemon came to help us! But we couldn't do it in time, so we got blasted off into Subspace, where we saw Master Hand!"
"We can't have been that far behind," realised Kirby. "Snake burst into the Halberd and we got to Shadow Moses Island, where Sonic turned good and we saw Master Hand in Subspace, too!"
"Master Hand must have sent us all to different places again before you guys showed up!" smiled Ness. "This is so exciting!"
"Different places?" repeated Wario. "So the rest of the infidels are gone?"
"Well, yeah," frowned Ness sadly. "But we can find them, right? There's tunnels down here that lead to pretty much anywhere! Let's open some up! PK Thunder!"
Ness fired a blue ball of electricity at an extremely narrow hole, blowing it apart a bit.
"Lucas, you can help me!" grinned Ness.
"PK Thunder!" cried Lucas, a little more confidently than usual.
"Awesome job!" grinned Ness.
Together, the two psychics blew apart mounds of earth to make a comfortable tunnel.
"Hey guys, I guess that's why you're from Earthbound!" chuckled Yoshi. He broke into fits of laughter at his own joke.
"Ah Yoshi, I've missed hating you!" smiled Ness. "Let's go, guys!"
Ness patted the sides of his tunnel with a baseball bat from his backpack. Lucas took the hint and began working on the other side with a twig.
"Everyone, let's pitch in!" grinned Sheik through Zelda's body. "We can build an escape route in no time!"
"DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU!" screamed Zelda.
"Well, okay," frowned Olimar reluctantly. "But I need drugs to do hard work. I'm like Popeye that way."
Olimar fumbled with his lighter to light up a Pikmin, but Ness span around.
"I can help with that!" grinned Ness naively. "PK Fire!"
A column of flame engulfed the Pikmin, and the fumes soon intoxicated everyone.
"This is the best trip I've ever been on!" grinned Olimar. "Kid, you're alright!"
"Yo, Nessizzle," said King Dedede, high with everyone else. "You heard my infamous rap beat?"
"We're not high enough to enjoy that!" argued Samus, feebly batting at King Dedede.
And so, the Super Smash Brothers, proud of being one step closer to rebuilding themselves, all joined hands and began singing a merry tune of acid trips, all the while following a new tunnel...
Ness makes his grand return! That's right, I hadn't forgot about him! What about the other people? Oh no?!
I hope you enjoyed the chapter, as unfortunately IStalkKirby will be returning next chapter to write.
(unfortunately, this chapter was kind of short compared to recent ones)
In conclusion, I'm IStalkKirby's far more talented, far more intelligent, far more attractive evil twin brother IStalkKirby, and I loved guest writing for you!