I like, totally don't have a date for the like, prom, so like, I'm going to give you all a Valentine's Day gift in the shape of a new chapter. Would you like to pay for my limo and booze-er, go to the prom with me without spending any money?
Oh...you don't...ah, no worries, I'll take my strange uncle again. On with the 'gift'!
Oh yeah, and because it's Valentine's Day, this chapter is longer than average! Now will you go out with me, teacher? I'M A GOOD BOY I WON'T SIT IN THE CORNER NO
Rebuilding
Chapter 42: Smells Like Queer Spirit
Dear Tyrannical Dictator, from none other than the Ancient Minister,
'Worthless Robot', am I? Such an immature barb will not make me feel any better about what I am doing. I've already brainwashed Toon Link and his three ghosts, and I sent him to attack Jigglypuff, and – begrudgingly – attempt to secure Lucario for you. I'm currently sending this transmission while locked in battle with some of the stupidest Smashers I have ever encountered. And it's all for the inevitable hell which will unfold upon completion of the Aura.
My musings on what exactly we shall do with Complete Aura have been understandable. Master Hand is the only person apart from you who knows the true nature of the Aura. You seemed far more likely to divulge.
However, time and time again, you have refused to.
That's just fine, Overlord. I have changed my mind. I shall indeed rebuild the Aura. Not for you, not for myself, but for the world to see the horrible end result. Once your sickening ace in the hole is unleashed, all will be destroyed.
And you will realise that you are tampering with power that you alone cannot dispel. You are nothing, Overlord, nothing without Master Hand.
The sun was beating down on the Super Smash Brothers as they followed Ness and Lucas through the small tunnel they were creating. However, this didn't change the fact that everyone was cramped, and being underground was making everyone rather irate.
Directly behind the psychic boys, everyone had crowded around to watch the sunny freedom grow ever closer. The anticipation was tense. Everyone was fully aware that they could be emerging directly into Subspace territory, and so they all prepared themselves for a battle.
Ness and Lucas were PK Thunder-ing the last remnants of the dirt into smithereens, but they were stopped by a hard surface. They were only able to make a small crack on the base.
"Oh no!" cried Lucas, in dismay. "We're trapped!"
"Oh, it'll be alright!" Ness grinned. "Do any of you guys know a way through here?"
Everyone looked around at each other.
"Well kid, it's clear you're not going to get through this surface with just anybody," chuckled Ike. "You're going to need an expert."
"An expert?" asked Ness naively.
"Yes, somebody who can get into small places others can't," nodded Ike, stifling a laugh.
"Luckily one of the new Smashers is like that," agreed Samus, catching on. "He's...a back door expert."
"Wow, really?" beamed Ness obliviously.
Ike was biting his lip in mirth by now. "You bet, kid. If there's a secret rear entrance that's not open enough, he's your man."
"Are you talking about who I think you're talking about?" asked Lucas timidly.
"Legend has it that he can make his way through even the tightest crack," continued Ike, ignoring Lucas.
"Ike-a, that's enough," said Mario, annoyed.
"Pit, it's time to introduce yourself," chuckled Ike, jerking a thumb at the tiny crack at the end of the tunnel.
"What do you need me to do?" asked Pit, prancing forward.
"Hi there!" grinned Ness, still completely oblivious to all of the jokes.
"Oooh! Who's this hottie?" simpered Pit, immediately in love.
"My name's Ness, you must be the back door expert!" greeted Ness.
"I certainly am!" beamed Pit, staring at Ness almost hungrily. "I can follow any kind of hole straight through to the end!"
"Can you get through this one?" asked Ness politely.
And so, with a series of A-rated actions....let's just skip to the SSB emerging, right? The crack Pit had forced his way through turned out to be the underside of a road, and everyone climbed out of the tunnel into a town's main street.
"Where are we?" asked Meta Knight, vocalizing what everyone was thinking.
"I'm not.....sure...." panted Pit, his hair matted.
"Doesn't look like anywhere I recognize," shrugged Samus. "Wherever it is, it might not be safe. Look, there's an abandoned radio tower, and it looks like somebody was dragged off in a struggle."
"Port Town Radio, yo," read King Dedede. "We be in Port Town, G's."
Unbeknownst to everyone, the struggle signs they were looking at were Toon Link's from when Duon and Galleom had kidnapped him to be brainwashed...
"This platform is rising!" squealed Peach suddenly.
Indeed, the Smashers noticed that the platform they were all standing on in the middle of the road had risen. Suddenly, it lurched forward at a tremendous speed, carting everyone off with it.
"Meh, I've seen faster," shrugged Sonic, completely relaxed while everyone else held on for dear life.
"The roads are in the shapes of steps!" cried Popo, pointing ahead. "Nana, we might die! Hold on to me!"
Nana grabbed Popo's arm and threw him forwards off of the platform.
The platform swooped forward again, catching Popo safely.
"Damn!" cursed Nana.
"Don't worry, I'll teach you how to kill like a pro," grinned Zelda.
"Don't encourage her!" shouted a terrified Sheik from within.
"There's a wall in the middle of the course?!" demanded Samus, as the platform approached such an obstacle. "There are way too many twists and curves on this thing!"
"It's nearly as curvy as you," remarked Ike. "See what I did there? Bow chicka bow-WHOA!"
The platform reached the apex of the uphill curve, and dove straight down, throwing everyone off. The Super Smash Brothers plummeted through the skies of Port Town, and everyone saw a strange opening ahead.
"Is this part of the track-a?" asked Mario, holding his hat steady as he fell.
"It better not be!" shouted Kirby angrily, as the opening grew wider.
"Are those meteors and stars inside it?" asked DK, confused.
"Hold on, everyone!" cried Pokemon Trainer responsibly. Everyone shot through the opening, and Port Town became nothing more than a distant, fast-speed blur behind them.
A single platform was drifting lazily through space behind the opening. Alone, so alone...
Extraordinary circumstances can happen in the loneliest of places, however.
The platform was a perfectly flat surface. The platform was supported by a crystal of a beautiful red colour. The platform was a pallet of blue and white, not quite enough to camouflage it in the darkness of the cosmos.
Suddenly, the large myriad of Smashers tore through the atmospheric gravity of the platform and crashed painfully along its blue glory.
"Space never had gravity like this before," complained Samus, getting up.
"Samus, did you say something?" asked Popo, who had landed next to her.
"No, she didn't, Popo!" shouted Nana, smacking Popo across the face. "Don't be stupid!"
"Yes, I did," replied Samus. "Wait, how could you hear each other? How can you hear me? What's going on?"
Samus pulled up her Scan Visor, and scanned the platform for abnormal activity.
"Well?" demanded Nana.
"Everything checks out..." muttered Samus. "This isn't dangerous, but where the hell are we?"
"Hey! You! Samus!" shouted Kirby irritably, storming over to her. "You're always in space! Tell me something: how did we get here, goddammit?!"
"I don't know, shut up," replied Samus angrily, putting a hand on Kirby to restrain him.
"Maybe it was a black hole?" suggested Popo.
"Are y'all making fun of me?" asked King Dedede, appearing behind Popo.
"That's a good point," smiled Samus. "Good job, Popo."
"Just a little more, Popo!" Pokemon Trainer grinned, overhearing the conversation.
"Perhaps the intense speed we were going forced us to shift ourselves somehow," shrugged Samus. "Which means we might as well call whatever we just went though a black hole."
"I love those!" cheered Pit from the other side of the platform.
"Shut up," continued Samus. "My gunship's never travelled that fast...wait, Sonic!"
Sonic ran up to Samus in no time at all.
"Yo, Sammy, what can I do for you?" asked Sonic candidly.
"You can learn my name, and then you can answer this: do you ever find yourself going so fast you sort of...alter time and space around you?" asked Samus.
"Oh, that's Chaos Control," replied Sonic. "My buddy Shadow does it all the time!"
Slowly, other Smashers began regaining their composures and staring at the background.
"That settles it then," confirmed Samus. "We got here by going too fast through Port Town. It probably wasn't Chaos whatever, but it's a possibility."
"Are we still in space?" asked Yoshi, confused. He pointed down at the background, which was now a lovely ocean view.
"Doesn't look like it," replied Bowser.
"Macs, looks like a nice oceans!" whistled Diddy, admiringly.
For a few seconds, everyone sat around on the platform, basking in the sweet tranquillity that never seemed to come by for them any more.
Suddenly, everything began to tilt violently. Everything turned so different in a very short period of time, but more importantly, there was nothing to hold on to.
"Everyone, get behind me!" screamed Samus, taking the initiative. She fired her Grapple Beam at a corner of the blue platform, and dangled precariously.
The Smashers who had no such equipment tumbled towards Samus. She began grabbing people's hands and forming a short chain of terrified Smashers dangling from the edge.
"Hey baby," grinned Ike, grabbing Samus' hand. She sighed heavily.
Some of the other Smashers began to do the same. Link fired his Hookshot, Lucas grabbed the edge with his Rope Snake, and even Olimar threw some Pikmin at an edge. Smashers began swarming over these few with grappling items, praying for safety.
"It's that crystal!" gasped Pokemon Trainer, pointing at the red orb underneath the platform. He eagerly tossed a Pokeball. "Go, Ivysaur!"
"What?" sighed Ivysaur flatly, smoking a cigar.
"Use your Vine Whip attack! I know you can do it!" cheered Pokemon Trainer enthusiastically. "Wrap the platform in vines to stop it spinning and tilting! Believe in yourself!"
Ike burst into silent giggles.
"He said tilting, you pig," sighed Samus.
Ivysaur gave a heavy groan, and shot a Vine Whip from the bulb on its back. The whip coiled around the underside of the platform.
However, it shattered the crystal.
"Warning, warning," soothed a calm computerised voice. "Final Destination has been destroyed. Prepare for immediate landing in ten, nine, eight..."
The Smashers all stared at Pokemon Trainer.
"Positive thoughts?" Pokemon Trainer chuckled nervously.
...
...
...
"I'll eat your throat, you idiot!" screamed Zelda, tightening her grip on Link's leg. "I'll come up there and make you bathe in your own blood, you moronic son of a-
"No items, me only, here!" grinned Fox, pointing at the ground below.
Final Destination plummeted through the atmosphere and crashed to the ground.
The party of Smashers woke up, lying on the ground in a circle pattern. The crushed remains of Final Destination lay half-buried in the centre of their circle. The lone platform that had patrolled the galaxies for centuries was now a sole pillar of metal obscuring the sun, throwing the guilty Smashers into darkness.
Around the hole in the ground created by Final Destination lay shards of glass, familiar looking shards of glass that unfortunately were not part of the platform. The Smashers all stared, horrified at what they'd done.
Suddenly, a large parasite shot out as if from nowhere and latched onto Kirby's face.
A collective gasp, and immediately the cowardly Lucas was the first to react.
"What is that thing?" panicked Lucas fearfully, backing away from Kirby.
"Get off me, you slimy freak!" screamed Kirby, clawing at the...thing...on his face.
"That's a Metroid!" gasped Samus. "They're artificial life-forms that absorb energy! I have to deal with them all the time!"
Kirby was now running around in circles, in pain.
"Then deal with this one, you dumb bitch!" shouted Kirby angrily, punching the Metroid to no avail.
"Hold still," snapped Samus, aiming at Kirby. She fired an Ice Beam shot, freezing the Metroid, as well as the front half of Kirby's face.
"Stop there, I like this Kirby better," interjected Meta Knight.
"Yo, samizzle over here," agreed King Dedede.
Kirby fumbled with his hand long enough to give them the finger.
Samus shot a Missile at the Metroid, breaking its frozen form into tiny pieces. Kirby breathed heavily.
"Where did that come from?" asked Kirby.
"We all came from under there!" cheered a fruity old man, dressed all in green. "Oh, Mr. Fairy! You're here too!"
"Yeah, hi Tingle," said Link reluctantly.
Zelda pulled out a machine gun and opened fire towards Tingle.
"Silly Zelda!" Tingle chuckled, doing an interpretive dance away from the bullets. He ended up next to Pit.
"Hello there, sailor," winked Pit sexily, looking down at Tingle.
"Hello yourself, big boy," whispered Tingle lustfully. Pit picked up Tingle and looked deeply into his eyes. His lips parted, ready to interlock with Tingle's own-
Tingle was shot in the back, and fell over dead.
"Nice shot, Zelda!" whistled Link appreciatively.
"What do you mean, I was aiming for Pit," replied Zelda.
"Ha, you infidels have the lamest people from your homeland!" scoffed Wario.
All of a sudden, a pair of...ninja...kindergartner...twins...leapt from the glass. They proceeded to shoot themselves at Wario.
"Oh no," sighed Wario. "Those two are my least favourite type of terrorists....the eco-terrorists."
"Wario! We won't let you bomb the rainforests!" screamed one of the twins, dashing at Wario with her katana outstretched.
"Yeah, hey Kat," shrugged Wario, as Kat bounced off of his flab folds.
"And you can't use animal by-products for chemical warfare!" yelled the other twin, attacking Wario in a similar fashion.
"Sure, Ana," sighed Wario, as Ana bounced off of his flab folds. "Are you girls done?"
"No!" screamed Kat and Ana together. "The animals are beautiful, and you can't just-"
Wario stepped on Kat's neck and shot Ana through the forehead with a pistol.
"Two jihads for the price of one!" chuckled Wario. "That's going in my diary!"
"Jeff, what are you doing in there?" asked Ness, pulling a blond, bespectacled boy out of the wreckage.
"I signed a contract, Ness," replied Jeff haughtily. "I'm honor-bound to fire bottle rockets at you people."
"That sounds perfectly reasonable!" Ness chuckled naively. "Carry on!"
Jeff shot bottle rockets up in the air, all of which homed in on King Dedede.
"Not coo', holmes!" protested King Dedede, being hit with bottles. "What is these-izzle, anyway?"
"My father's prized vodka bottles, one for each hour of the day," weeped Jeff silently. "I take them when he throws them at me..."
"That wacky old abusive Dr. Andonuts!" laughed Ness.
"It's not funny," sobbed Jeff.
"I disagree," blinked Ness happily. "Bye then!"
Jeff wandered off sobbing, while a long blue platform drifted listlessly at the Smashers.
"That's the Helirin!" gasped Pikachu. "The mode of transport the prophets used to alert Dr. Wright of the Atari nonbelievers!"
"So what's it doing here?" asked DK stubbornly.
"Well, in the legends, it did nothing more than crush people to death!" chuckled Pikachu offhandedly. "And it was heavily fortified, so watch out!"
The Helirin brushed against DK's shoulder lightly, and he batted it off. Pikachu's belief system was destroyed.
"I think we should leave before more random things start attacking us!" panicked Lucas fearfully, backing way further.
"Mac, we is fine," scoffed Diddy. "These thingses isn't hurting anybodies."
A little girl named Jill, shot forward riding a drill. It was Diddy she attempted to kill, for he was being quite the pill.
"Thats is a nices piece of hardwares!" gasped Diddy, in awe.
"I'm using it to kill you!" screamed Jill. "Violently! With violence!"
"You should loosen up," cut in Olimar. "Here, have a Pikmin. You'll really...unwind..."
Olimar was attacked with the drill anyway.
"I'm not feeling any pain, because I'm perfectly lucid!" cheered Olimar.
Olimar's trip ended abruptly. "OW! MOTHERF-"
"Hey, this dog's kind of cute," noticed Donkey Kong, picking up an average looking puppy. From Nintendo, which I guess makes it a Nintendo dog. A Nintendog? Oh, I get it.
"Can we keep him?" Popo grinned excitedly, stroking the dog.
Nana beat both Popo and the dog with her hammer.
"No we can't!" shouted Nana. "He's filthy and I hate his face and he sucks!"
"Okay then, let's not keep him," shrugged Popo.
"Shut up, Popo!" bellowed Nana. "We're keeping him!"
"I think he's kind of...sexy..." Pit smirked, licking his lips lustfully while glaring at the Nintendog.
"We're not keeping him," decided Nana.
"Good idea," agreed Popo.
"Popo shut it-wait," Nana paused. She looked from Pit to Popo, confused. "I hate conundrums!"
"Y'all are sick, Pitizzle!" criticised Dedede. "That's the third homie you've been trippin' on this chapter, yo!"
"But it's nearly Valentine's Day!" whined Pit. "I've got so much love to give!"
"Sure mang, but yo' don't need to undo y'all's tunicizzle subconsciously!" reprimanded Dedede.
"It's not subconscious..." Pit grinned, winking at King Dedede.
King Dedede was about to respond, but he was crushed by a large spiny object.
"Lakitu-a!" cried Mario, shaking his fist.
"That wasn't nice!" hollered Peach, insulted.
"Yeah, get back to the castle!" ordered Bowser. "Don't make me come up there!"
"Shut up!" barked Lakitu. "I wanted to get back to TrekFest-wait, didn't I already appear?"
Lakitu abruptly disappeared.
"I'm the last one, don't worry," grinned a Hammer Bro, appearing. "Guess what I do?"
"Me," winked Pit, still on a roll.
The Hammer Bro screamed and threw some hammers around aimlessly, all of them missing Pit.
"I'm-" DK was hit in the face.
"-not-" DK was hit in the stomach.
"-Pit-" DK was hit in the chest.
"-jackass!" cried DK, as he was hit in the crotch.
While DK nursed his everywhere, the Smashers turned away from the platform to see an angry, but familiar, face storm up towards them...
All of the Smashers, particularly the veterans, froze in shock. The person running up to them was drawing out a long, thin sword.
"Who crashed this platform here?" demanded the swordsman, drawing closer.
Without hesitation, Mario shoved Samus forward. The swordsman shook some blue hair out of his eyes angrily, and gave Samus a look of anger.
"Hey there, Marth," grinned Samus sheepishly.
"What?!" demanded Ike jealously. "Who is this poser? Samus, when were you going to tell me about this guy?"
"This is Marth-a," explained Mario. "He's a veteran of our tournaments-a! We found another one-a!"
Marth wasn't listening to any of them.
"You broke all of my Assist Trophies!" screamed Marth furiously. "It's bad enough that I've been run over and put through hell in New Pork City! That bomb thing went off, Master Hand sent me here, and I've had nothing to do but stockpile these items and learn what they all are!"
"Sounds like you've uh, been busy," chuckled Samus, embarrassed.
"And then you all come crashing down on top of my Assist Trophies on some freaking platform thing!" bellowed Marth. "Why does everything bad have to happen to me, huh?"
"Pfft, calm down, Martha," scoffed Ike. "It's not like we crushed your work of the last few weeks with a giant platform from space."
"That's exactly what you've done, idiot!" shouted Marth, exasperated.
"Whatever, I wasn't listening. On to more pressing matters, are you currently single?" winked Ike.
Marth groaned, and took off his tiara.
"You're a dude?!" gasped Ike incredulously. "Damn, I am so sorry! I thought you were a girl! Why are you wearing that?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you!" argued Marth. "It's my lifestyle, my choice!"
"Oh, so you're one of those gay types," realised Ike.
Pit sprinted forward. "Helloooo...."
"No, I'm not," retorted Marth.
Pit slumped off in misery.
"Do you know where we are then, you tiara wearing infidel?" asked Wario.
"Didn't I just tell that other guy that you don't mention the tiara?" snapped Marth. He pulled out his sword, and with one swift flick, he swung it across Wario's face.
"But I forgot your name already!" complained Wario. "I was too busy watching you yell at Ike about your tia-"
Marth pulled out his sword again.
"-ra-"
Marth slashed the other side of Wario's face, knocking him away from him.
"In answer to your question, no," remarked Marth.
"So, Marth, they found me too!" grinned Ness, indicating everybody else. "Did you miss me?"
"Hey, Ness is back!" cheered Marth sarcastically. "All the bad things really do happen to me! That's great, that's...really, really great..."
"These guys told me all about what they've been doing to rebuild the Super Smash Brothers!" beamed Ness. "They even went to the past a couple of times to see Mewtwo again!"
"Mewtwo?" asked Marth. "Did you change anything else about the past?"
"No-a," piped up Mario. "Not that I-a can think of!"
"Oh wait!" remembered Kirby. "I told him to get Ness to stay away from Adventure Quest Journey Pilgrimage 3."
"What-a?" asked Mario.
"What?" asked Marth.
Ness blinked curiously.
"You know, that video game..." said Kirby. "The one where he was trying to get all the achievements....but it turned out that once he did, the evil force which we later found out was Smash Ball energy was going to rule the world?"
Nobody answered Kirby.
"Come on!" shouted Kirby angrily. "We all died, remember? The Mansion blew up, so we had to go to a hotel after coming back to life? Then months later, Master Hand sent us to find the next Mansion...and we all got separated...and then we had to rebuild the SSB while fighting the Subspace Army?"
Nobody answered Kirby.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," blinked Marth.
"It's the video game that started all of our problems!" screamed Kirby, infuriated.
"Wasn't that Pong?" asked Ness.
"Ugggh, never mind..." sighed Kirby.
"Wait, I think I remember what Kirby's talking about!" gasped Popo. "It was the time when Ness was playing-"
"Nobody told you to talk," hissed Nana.
"Yo, I wasn't even thereizzle," King Dedede grinned.
"Neither was about halfs of us, mac," reprimanded Diddy, waving a wrench at King Dedede.
"So, these are our newcomers?" asked Marth, surveying the new Smashers. "Pretty...diverse...choices there, guys. We just didn't feel complete without a homosexual angel, a rapper penguin and a mechanic simian from the fifties. Thanks. "
"I've had just about enough of you badmouthing us!" snapped Ike.
"Oh, and the rowdy self-proclaimed womanizer," added Marth. "He was a good choice too. Yep, definitely....you all suck."
"Okay, I'm kicking your ass!" shouted Ike angrily. With a degree of effort, he lifted his sword up and swung it at Marth's face.
Marth sighed, produced his own blade, and performed a counter manoeuvre, parrying the attack.
Ike was thrown onto his back.
"Oh, and have you guys encountered any of these things yet?" asked Marth, pulling out a Smash Ball. "Just one of the things I found while digging around this place..."
"We've encountered too many of those things!" said Link. "Sometimes they've saved us, but sometimes they've screwed us over!"
"Saved you?" repeated Ness. "Oooh...maybe I should have shown you guys the one I found in those caves from before you found me!"
Ness dug into his backpack, and pulled out a second Smash Ball.
"Hey guys, how about testing them out?" asked Yoshi excitedly. "I bet your Final Smashes are cool!"
"Final Smash?" asked Ness.
"Is that what these things are supposed to give you?" asked Marth.
"Yeah, it's like this kind of ultimate attack," explained Bowser. "Some of ours are cool, some of them downright suck. Like Peach's here. I guess she's more suited to the kitchen than the battlefield. Y'know, or the bedroom."
Peach slapped Bowser. "Kindly use the Final Smashes though!" she smiled eagerly.
"You've got the perfect opportunity to use them too," noticed Meta Knight, pointing.
A horde of Primids (all of whom looked confused as to how they arrived in the new surrounding) had begun making their way from a distant hill.
"Those things have been chasing me for my items!" groaned Marth, annoyed. "At least now that you guys wrecked them, I can end this chase! Ready, Ness?"
"Sure!" grinned Ness.
Marth was about to assume a fighting stance, but he tripped over a rock and landed face first on his Smash Ball. Ness was naive enough to assume that this was how they were activated, and promptly followed suit.
The purple colour of the Malevolent Aura used to power the Smash Ball's lit up Ness and Marth's faces with evil glows. Both of them groggily stood up, and faced the Primid horde.
"Right now, it's killing time," observed Evil Ness.
"Launch when ready," instructed Evil Marth.
The next few seconds were all immediate. Evil Ness leaped into the air, and put two fingers to his temple.
"P....K....STAAAARSTORM!" bellowed Ness, creating a maelstrom of blue meteors. They all came crashing down around the Primids.
"Yo, Luke," whistled King Dedede. "Isn't that whatizzle you had?"
"M-maybe we're from the same family of psychic users," guessed Lucas. "We came from different timelines, who knows how related we are?"
"Created my structure, now I shall reign in blood!" chorused Evil Ness...evilly...as he directed blue meteors in a fan shaped formation around the enemies.
"Not too related, I hope," murmured Lucas.
"Oh crap, watch out for Marth," said Samus, ducking.
While Ness was firing projectile meteors at every Primid within reach, Marth was darting around the battlefield at high speeds, with his sword outstretched.
"For Altea!" bellowed Evil Marth, dashing at a giant Primid at the front of the pack. Marth performed a single critical hit, decimating the Primid's forces by a considerable amount.
A small health bar appeared next to the large Primid Marth had struck, and rapidly drained away.
"Yo, is that a life gauge, dawgs?" asked King Dedede, pointing in shock.
"Such a delightful touch from what I assume is his game of origin!" smiled Pokemon Trainer. "You get an A plus for effort, Marth, very good!"
Marth wasn't listening, and continued to cut a straight line through the Primid's squadron, while the final meteors from Ness' PK Starstorm destroyed the remainder.
"Yay, we're safe!" cheered Fox. "I can stop crying and pretending that I'm back at home with Mommy!"
"I'm not your mother, freak," snarled Bowser, throwing Fox some distance away.
"You think-a now they'll tell us where we are-a?" asked Mario, pointing over at Marth and Ness.
"What did we just do?" gasped Marth, as soon as the energy left him.
"No idea!" panicked Ness. "We've made a mess!"
"Yeah, probably not," replied Link, shrugging.
Mario sighed, and looked around at the confusing new location. Everyone else followed suit, except for one Smasher...the only Smasher who knew exactly where they were.
What he didn't know was how they got there in one piece.
Wolf stepped over a final dream cloud, and returned to the violet majesty that was the Fountain of Dreams. He panted and looked around for any sign of an attacker, but as soon as he stepped forward, he noticed a clear difference in the Fountain.
He had stepped in Jigglypuff's blood, and it was still fairly warm.
And that was when Wolf saw her. She was lying as spread-eagled as a ball can on the Fountain, still bleeding slightly despite supposedly not having blood. Wolf automatically crouched by her side, and felt for any sign of a pulse.
"Jigglypuff..." whispered Wolf quietly. "Are you okay, Jigglypuff? Do you even have a pulse for me to take?"
Wolf felt Jigglypuff's hand uncertainly, and waited. After a perilously long pause, Wolf heard a faint beat.
"Lucario, are you here?" asked Wolf, slightly relieved. "Lucario?"
This time, there was no response.
"At least Jigglypuff's still alive..." muttered Wolf. "I wonder how Ganondorf and those other guys are doing against the Minister..."
A girly scream belonging to the King of Evil resonated through the Green Greens below.
"Oh," sighed Wolf. "That's good."
Wolf noticed a round object lying against the Fountain: a Smash Ball.
"Oh, that's better," smirked Wolf.
A Wolfen was thrown across several clearings, exploding upon impact with a tree. Its remains landed next to the scrap metal from a couple of other Wolfens.
"Come on, I worked hard to steal those!" complained Mr. Game and Watch fruitlessly. "You better pay me back!"
"Hand Wolf over to me!" snarled the Ancient Minister. "I know he's with you!"
"We're gonna have fun with this thing!" declared Wolf from behind the Minister, having leapt down from the Fountain.
"What trickery is this?" demanded the Minister.
At once, Wolf deployed a large, red Landmaster. As soon as he boarded, he fired several shots from the tank's cannon at the Minister.
"This is over now," taunted the Minister. Once again, he activated one of his extra functions, and molecularly separated.
The shots from the Landmaster instead peppered a tree of the Whispy Woods. Fuel was consumed, and Wolf stepped out of his Landmaster in disbelief.
"It's gone?" checked Wolf. "Dammit! I almost had it!"
"I-I'm sorry, Wolf," panicked Luigi. "We tried to beat him, b-but it was too hard!"
"Before you three got here," added Ganondorf angrily, pointing at Luigi, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch. "Wolf kicked its ass and we were just about to beat it!"
"Then why didn't you?" scoffed Mr. Game and Watch tauntingly.
"Shut it, you showed up and distracted us!" argued Ganondorf.
"It's destroyed all of our planes," noticed Luigi, counting the wreckage.
"Oh, I'm fine!" shouted Falco from the pile of trophies. "Thanks for checking up on me, jerks!"
"That's it! Luigi, Falco, Mr. Game and Watch, you three are staying with us now!" ordered Wolf. "Maybe six people will be easier than when it was just me, Ganondorf, and..."
He paused, remembering something. "....Jigglypuff..."
Moments later, Wolf, Ganondorf, and now Luigi, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch were back on the Fountain, gathered around Jigglypuff. Nobody spoke for a long time.
"What's wrong with her?" asked Ganondorf at last.
"I'm not sure," replied Wolf. "She's unconscious, so she wasn't killed...somebody must have attacked her, but the Minister was busy with us..."
"Toon...Link...no..." mumbled Jigglypuff feebly, stirring slightly.
"Toon Link?" repeated Wolf.
"Didn't we see him and his ghosts fly out of here carrying something?" asked Ganondorf.
"He must have been brainwashed to attack Jigglypuff," reasoned Wolf. "But where's Lucario?"
"Who's Lucario?" asked Mr. Game and Watch, Falco and Luigi simultaneously.
"We'll tell you later," replied Ganondorf. "Wolf, I don't think one arrow could cause all this blood loss, I think this is something else."
"I don't know what's going on any more..." Wolf sighed. "I'll keep looking for Lucario, you four stay here."
Wolf cautiously walked around the other side of the Fountain, looking for anything indicating Lucario's fate.
"Ganondorf, if this isn't blood, w-what is it?" asked Luigi fearfully, looking down at Jigglypuff.
"I don't know," replied Ganondorf. "Let me see, I guess."
Ganondorf crouched down and dipped a finger in the substance coming from Jigglypuff. As soon as his finger touched the surface, every drop turned purple and everyone leapt back in fear.
"W-Wolf!" cried Luigi immediately. "Come and see this!"
The purple liquid began to shape itself rapidly upwards, and it eventually took the form of Lucario standing before everybody else.
"Hello, Ganondorf," said Lucario coolly, opening his...eyes? This was a Lucario constructed only of purple goo; Ganondorf could only guess what it had in common with the real thing.
"Lucario?!" gasped Ganondorf, in awe. "No way!"
"Way," replied Lucario. "I'm afraid I have been stolen by Toon Link, who had been brainwashed to join the Subspace Army. Parts of my Aura abilities allow me to leave behind imprints of myself in Aura. Jigglypuff was not fatally attacked. She merely..." Lucario paused, looking embarrassed. "...tripped...I decided to create a series of illusions, including a pool of blood forming under her body. I had hoped one of you would realise Jigglypuff does not have blood, and try to figure out what this is."
"If she tripped, why is she unconscious?" asked Ganondorf, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, I had to do that to make it convincing, shut up," argued Lucario. "Tell Wolf that remorse is our greatest weapon. He will figure out what it means, and with that, defeating the Minister will be simple."
"Why, what's that crap supposed to mean?" demanded Ganondorf.
"Master Hand told Wolf all he needs to know," Lucario smirked. "You don't need to know."
"Wait a minute, you're some all powerful Aura badass!" remembered Ganondorf. "Just kill him yourself and destroy the Subspace Army!"
"The Subspace Army has promised me something Wolf did not," Lucario sighed. "They promised to rebuild the Aura and restore me to sweet, benevolent glory..."
The Aura leaking from Jigglypuff, and eventually the imprint of Lucario, faded away right before Ganondorf's eyes.
"What did any of that mean?" asked Falco, coming out of a speechless shock.
"I have no idea," shrugged Ganondorf.
"Something you should probably look out for, Ganon," said Mr. Game and Watch, pointing over Ganondorf's shoulder.
Wolf was walking back to the others with Luigi in tow. As soon as he saw the imprint of Lucario and the fake blood disappear, his jaw dropped.
"I-it wasn't blood!" gasped Luigi, pointing.
Wolf was speechless.
"You're probably wondering what happened, right?" chuckled Ganondorf nervously.
"I am too," pointed out Falco. "Wolf, we tried to stop him, he lost all control, y'know, all of that crap."
"But we're all waiting for an explanation!" chuckled Mr. Game and Watch.
Wolf speechlessly looked at Ganondorf, mouth agape.
"Uh...." began Ganondorf.
And so endeth the chapter! Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I hope you're celebrating it with friends, family, boy/girlfriends, or even with an amateur fanfic you've been reading for a few months that released a new chapter purely out of the author's love of his fans.
And you might have guessed this would happen eventually, but just like the last subplot story, Wolf's story will be taking the limelight for a few (read: seven) chapters, ending on chapter 50!
(Yeah, I thought I'd be done by now...)
Love to all readers except that one guy with the gun who threatened to murder me for the characterization of Pit,
ISK