'Somebody told me that I'd always have to bow,
If that was true it would have fallen apart by now,
The more you think, the less you act their way,
So can you hear this? The fake sound of progress?'
Hopefully that gave you all the idea that the arc will slowly advance the plotline? I just wanted to use it because I can't think of an intro...I don't own that little lyric, a crazy Welsh band does, as well as the non-pun version of this chapter's title. I also don't own any characters or locations that appear in the story. I may not even entirely own this computer. I also don't own myself, or you, or you in the back catching sly glares at the story. Come on, I know you're totally trying to read over his or her shoulder. Give it up.
Rebuilding
Chapter 45: A Town Called Hyporkcrisy
Dear Expendable Pawn, from the Overlord of the Subspace Army,
For the final time: I do not give a damn about what you have had to abandon for my causes. Your opinions of my actions do not mean a thing to me. Your island home is a perfect base, your society make for excellent minions, and my brother designed the third iteration of the Smash Mansion there for his Super Smash Brothers. Obviously, this means that the Super Smash Brothers will eventually be drawn here.
Have you forgotten, Minister, that you are one of them? A Super Smash Brother, the only one I have managed to bring to my side without mind alteration? The only one determined to see my plans through to the end? Do not make me remind you again that the only reason I chose you is because of your island! We have ascended it into the clouds, hidden from the public eye – exactly as the missing Smash Brothers are.
It is a necessary tactic to first lure Wolf here. He may not be a Super Smash Brother yet, but he has something with him; something that could halt all our plans and be our undoing.
Either that, or bring about certain doom for the Super Smash Brothers, and the rest of the world! Wolf, and Master Hand, Minister. Bring me them. Wolf and Master Hand.
In New Pork City, there were some streets.
On those streets, there were some vaguely cargo-like vehicles.
Riding those vehicles were some Super Smash Brothers.
Chasing those vehicles whilst leaving chaos and destruction in his wake was the steel death-trap encasing the formerly tyrannical - and formerly mobile - Emperor Porky.
The three Super Smash Brothers riding the cargo were beginning to get tired, but that was no obstacle. They weaved among streets and ruins, slinking through alleys and bucketing down slopes, all in a bid to escape Porky.
Porky knew very well what was going on. His incarceration in the capsule hadn't killed him at all; he was being kept alive in stasis. His Freudian slip after being thwarted by Lucas had landed him in the capsule. The once calculating genius Porky Minch was dead however, replaced only by a bloodthirsty, immobile Porky Minch. Wild with rage, he drove his mech towards the cargo, eager to destroy for the sake of feeling less powerless.
"Hey, Wolf, I've got a question!" shouted Falco, after the cargo made its fourth death-free lap of the city. "What's the point of making us join your mission if all we're going to do is be the bait for everything?"
Wolf expertly rolled out of the way of one of Porky's scythe-like legs at just the right moment.
"You seem to be good at it!" Wolf called back, catching his breath. "I'll be right back!"
Panting heavily, trying not to think about the flashes of pink steel that clouded his vision, Wolf glared at the Hall of Memories. He was still more suited to aerial combat, so he tried to visualise the building as one large gunship. And what was the Star Wolf style? Storm a gunship through the middle, ask the side turrets no questions and they'll tell you no...Well, they won't kill you.
Wolf put his head down, grimaced at the doorway from under his brow, and sprinted straight through Porky's legs and into the tower.
"Dammit!"
Ganondorf had been so sure, so sure that he'd be here! Retracing his steps, he supposed it would be unlike Captain Falcon to remain imprisoned for so long; he was stronger than that. But he was so sure!
He grunted in frustration, balling his hands into fists. Looking down at them, he saw a smear of blood from the Primid he had killed and impersonated a few minutes ago. The King of Evil chuckled, and wiped it on the wall. Now back to the matter at hand.
He cautiously took a few steps forward, and looked around. Nothing. Emptiness.
"Falcon? Captain Falcon?" called Ganondorf. "Are you here? Come on, Falcon!"
Nothing. Emptiness. Echoes.
"Come on, Falcon!" mocked the air.
"Don't even move!" snapped a second voice.
Ganondorf blinked and found himself face to face with a Super Scope barrel. He grimaced, and recognised the wielder immediately: the Primid he has snuck past a few minutes ago. The Primid knew Ganondorf now, and seemed intent on amending his folly.
"Oh, it's you," smiled Ganondorf airily. "W-what's up?"
"Made me look real stupid back there, didn't you?" scoffed the Primid guard, training his scope on Ganondorf's forehead. "I can't believe I actually fell for Primid puberty!"
Ganondorf chuckled. The guard had been quite stupid...
"Shut up!" roared the Primid. "Hands in the air, Smash Brother scum!"
"Can't you let this slide?" asked Ganondorf. "Live a little! You Primid guys need to be a little less-"
Suddenly, the guard let out a terrible scream, and keeled over forwards, eyes rolling.
A claw in the back. Blood on the floor. Death in the tower.
"-dead," finished Ganondorf. "Thanks, Wolf."
Wolf pulled his outstretched claw out of the dead Primid and grimaced.
"Disgusting," spat Wolf. "Never make me do that again, Ganondorf. I assume that one outside was dead by your hand?"
"Yeah," replied Ganondorf. "You should have seen me with the other guard! It was a tough battle to get in this room..."
Wolf rolled his eyes; Ganondorf seemed to be getting more and more aloof. He sighed, and surveyed the Smasher. Why had he entered the tower again? Answer after answer went through Wolf's mind. He was sure it was about something he'd heard on the mission before. Then again, he had heard a lot of useless babble from the Super Smash Brothers so far...
Another heavy sigh. "So, what do you think you're doing up here?" asked Wolf resignedly.
"I had to see if Captain Falcon was still up here," replied Ganondorf immediately. "It's...he's...I know it was him we heard on that tape, Wolf. Porky attacked him, and I had to see if he was okay. He's one of us...he's a Super Smash Brother like us."
"I know all about Falcon, Ganondorf," said Wolf softly. "I know a lot of things actually...anyway, come on. He's gone, and you won't find any answers in here."
"Where did he go then?" asked Ganondorf, looking around, at a loss. "Did he survive? At least all our other missing Smashers are in the news! I haven't heard anything about what happened to Falcon!"
"Everyone loses someone important at one point, Ganondorf..." sighed Wolf wistfully. "Sometimes we don't realise that person's importance, sometimes we don't even really know who the person is, but every loss comes with a temporary pain you just have to deal with."
Ganondorf blinked, confused. Loss?!
"Just remember Falcon. Remember those three dead guys of yours too. And also, there's something else you should remember," said Wolf somberly.
Not sure whether or not he was entirely reassured, Ganondorf gave a non-commital grunt, spurring Wolf on.
"Remember to never slow me down like this again!" shouted Wolf. "We're in the middle of something here! The others are dying out there!"
Both Ganondorf and Wolf recoiled at the sudden sound of an explosion. Alarm and exasperation swept over their respective faces.
"Oh god, what now?" groaned Wolf, motioning to Ganondorf to follow him out of the tower.
Taking care to avoid the cause of the explosion, Wolf slowly slinked out of the tower's entrance. Ganondorf closely followed. Nothing seemed to be there. Both Smashers crept forward, out into the open and looked around carefully. The city was eerily quiet and still. Not even the winds made a noise.
Then Wolf's eyes caught a glimpse of a very large thing chasing a very small thing. Colours eventually made themselves distinguishable; a small flicker of yellow streaking ahead of a pinkish....blob. Wolf sighed and watched, waiting for the inevitable roars of metal. They came far too quickly, and both Smashers leapt out of the way as steel crashed around them. Porky was back for lap five.
The cargo shot past, making a U-turn. A roundabout lapped race around the city turned into a chase up and down one street. Wolf was unable to believe that these idiots were still being chased, now reduced to three speeding blurs: blue, black and green.
"What's going on here?" asked Wolf, bemused.
"What does it look like?" screamed Mr. Game and Watch, a black blur.
"Porky's still trying to kill us!" shouted the blue blur that was Falco.
"Well, you got the cargo, that's the main thing," shrugged Wolf. "You can fly that, right? The rest of us will just have to squeeze into my Wolfen again. You three follow me, we're moving out."
"What about Porky?" Mr. Game and Watch demanded, speeding by once more.
"What about Porky?" Wolf scoffed. "Get rid of him!"
The cargo abruptly came to a halt in front of Wolf, slashing through the air in a panicked, ragtag fashion.
"It really isn't that easy, you know," remarked Mr. Game and Watch, grinning.
The green blur, Luigi, was too terrified to say anything over a syllable. With some fearful spluttering, he eventually managed a 'yeah'.
"Say, Wolf, if you're so much more awesome than the rest of us, why don't you defeat Porky one on one and prove your skills?" asked Falco mockingly. "I mean, you're clearly tough enough to let us handle it while you stay on the sidelines, so I'm sure it will be no problem!"
"Shut it," snapped Wolf. "I'm on it."
Porky's shadow rose above the rest of the Smashers yet again. To escape from...whatever Wolf was about to do...Falco, Mr. Game and Watch and Luigi quietly drove away, with Ganondorf ambling after them and Jigglypuff still on the rooftop with her newspaper shreds.
Wolf glared up at the mech. It was obscenely large, one of its eight legs larger than even Ganondorf, the bulkiest of the Smashers present. But it was also slow, only covering a respectable distance because of its sheer size. Time to make a move on it, thought Wolf.
Wolf shot at Porky with his blaster. The blast seemed to work, and the mech turned around in a painfully jagged circle, freeing the cargo from the chase. Wolf smirked.
Dashing under Porky's body, Wolf put on an extra burst of speed to avoid searing hot lasers steaming around him. Now that Porky was on the move, Wolf shot once more.
The other Smashers were becoming mere specks to Wolf and Porky as the two started their own chase. Porky stopped abruptly, squatted down, and fired off several Pig Mask minions, all with timed charges on their heads.
Wolf couldn't stop himself, he let out a laugh. Running was far freer than any stuffy old plane or tank. He was narrowly fast enough to avoid the minions, who exploded inches behind him. Now that he had been reintroduced to freedom, Wolf tried to reimburse himself into the world of cockiness; he span on the spot and ran backwards, firing his Blaster up at Porky's mech while minions burst into flames before his very eyes.
"Should we help Wolf?" asked Ganondorf, looking troubled.
"I've got fifty bucks that says he dies before he runs past that building there," said Falco, pointing. "Help him if you want, but these stakes are too high!"
Ganondorf considered things for a while.
"He'll die turning that street corner," Ganondorf grinned, taking out his wallet.
Wolf energetically trotted past Falco's building and Ganondorf's street corner, a Mr. Game and Watch-esque grin of overconfidence on his features.
Soon, the enormous Porky mech stormed through all of his minions, scattering explosions left and right. Even the amniotic fluid in Porky's capsule bubbled with an immobilized rage. He clanked awkwardly around the street corner and barrelled after Wolf.
Speaking of Wolf, he stopped running immediately, and tore into a doorway – Oshoe Castle once more. His plan was working so far; all the minions exploding around Porky were weakening the legs. Even so, he was painfully aware of the lasers grazing against the stone doorway he had just run through.
At last, the castle rooftop. All of the abandoned cargo transports were mercifully still there. Wolf emerged on the rooftop and sprinted once more. He ducked under a laser. He jumped over some dead Primids. He skidded on some smeared blood, but none of that stopped him from reaching a cargo vehicle just like Falco's.
Porky was slowly and jerkily turned around again. Now or never, thought Wolf.
Wolf hopped on the cargo, and rammed the stick forward. He then pulled up at the right moment; perfecting the jump that Falco had failed earlier. The tiny vehicle was launching through the air directly at Porky's face.
Wolf let go of the stick and frantically ran back to the mechanical arm's controls. Button, lever, button, button, where was the damn – trigger! Wolf flipped it hastily.
At once, the cargo's arm launched forward and struck Porky with full force. The mech toppled and landed on its side, minions flying everywhere. The explosions caused by the minions bathed the capsule in flames. At once, the Absolutely Safe Capsule was shot out of the mech as if it were a disgusting but necessary blemish. The mech itself lay to rest on the ground, severely shaken and immobilized – but intact.
Wolf and his stolen cargo plummeted through the air, smashing against the ground with a complete lack of grace. Exhilarated but exhausted, Wolf stumbled to his feet and opened a bleary eye to the other Smashers.
"Now...are we quite....done here?" spluttered Wolf. He passed out.
A couple of hours later, after Wolf had come to, Jigglypuff had been retrieved, and the other four had exchanged profits and losses from the bet, everyone gathered around in the city centre. The chase had bit large potholes across the city, and some of the buildings had been destroyed to the point where they could no longer be recognised. As a sort of symbol of honor, Wolf was standing on a lofty piece of rubble as the other five looked up at him.
"Right, we need ideas," said Wolf. "The Isle of the Ancients is the base of operations for the Subspace Army. So it's probably filled to the brim with Primids, weapons, and more importantly, the Ancient Minister and his boss. Any of you figure out a way we could get in?"
Falco raised his hand. "I've got the winning strategy, right here."
"Any ideas that involve us giving up and tossing back a few beers won't be counted," dismissed Wolf.
Falco lowered his hand. "Ooh, look at me...I'm Wolf...I'm too superior for beers...how about we give up and toss back a few martinis then?"
Wolf rolled his eyes. "Next?"
"H-how about we ask those newspaper guys from that paper Jigglypuff found what they know about the island, a-and maybe we can get some of them to join our side!" piped up Luigi nervously.
Wolf obstinately sighed. "Next?"
"How about we strap weapons of mass destruction on to Falco, throw him into the island, and detonate the whole thing? We can add some wacky music and put it on YouTube!" suggested Mr. Game and Watch.
"No," said Wolf hollowly. "I don't think any of you see the point. We need to get inside the Subspace base."
"W-why?" stuttered Luigi fearfully.
"Because I'm sure that's where we'll find what we need to rebuild the Aura for ourselves," replied Wolf casually.
"Wolf, uh, we've heard you guys talk about the Aura for a while now," said Luigi sheepishly. "But...what is it, exactly?"
"It's this higher power Master Hand and Crazy Hand got their hands on," Ganondorf punned. "They split it into two halves: Benevolent Aura and Malevolent Aura. Lucario's the Benevolent Aura, and we don't know what the Malevolent Aura is. Something in the Isle of the Ancients is going to help us find the Malevolent Aura, and we're going to recombine them into the original complete power. It must be something pretty good, because Lucario himself wanted to rebuild it before it got stolen."
Falco blinked. Luigi blinked. Mr. Game and Watch blinked. All three were clueless. Ganondorf decided to continue on.
"Lucario is pretty much all of the Benevolent Aura, but Crazy Hand used the Malevolent Aura to make all the Subspace bombs and shit we've been dealing with over the last few months. He also made some brainwashing thingy, which he used on Snake and Sonic when we met them ages ago. They were never really evil. So whatever the Malevolent Aura - whatever he or she or it is - is severely damaged," said Ganondorf. "The reason Lucario saved us is because his benevolence sort of weakened the malevolence in Snake, Sonic, and the bomb that could have killed us."
"So what we need to do is bring together Lucario, Crazy Hand, a large amount of Subspace bombs and the Malevolent Aura using whatever we need in the Isle of the Ancients," explained Wolf. "And before you ask, no, the Ancient Minister is not the Malevolent Aura."
"For some reason, I was able to talk to Lucario's Aura imprint, remember?" reminded Ganondorf. "And he told me remorse was our greatest weapon..."
The trio stood before Wolf, Ganondorf and Jigglypuff, in shock. Finally, Luigi spoke up.
"Y-you can't just split something like that..." trailed off Luigi, nervously looking at Wolf and Ganondorf.
"Wait a second," said Falco, shaking his head. "The Malevolent Aura's what made all of those bombs?"
Ganondorf nodded.
"And you want to rebuild it to get back its full power for ourselves?" asked Falco, pointing at Wolf.
Wolf nodded.
"Fuck you guys!" snapped Falco indignantly, raising his middle finger. "From what it looks like, the Aura's caused all of our problems! I bet that's what that purple stuff from the time Ness played that video game was too! Remember, guys?"
The Smashers, except for Wolf, all casted their minds back a year or two:
Falco stood up, with his eyes an evil shade of purple.
"Shut up now, or I will eat your internal organs!" bellowed Evil Falco. "Then I will throw up your organs, and digest them again! Completely out of spite!" Evil Falco laughed maniacally.
Jigglypuff's eyes suddenly turned purple, and she laughed evilly.
"Because I REALLY want to focus on killing!" laughed Evil Jigglypuff, running into the Mansion. Pikachu chased her.
All of a sudden, Captain Falcon laughed maniacally.
"I'm the one who gets to hit him!" bellowed Evil Link. "Yeah! I have the Master Sword, show me some respect! Or die!"
"Link-a, you're crazy!" panicked Luigi. Pikachu beat up Link as well, and the purple eyes were given to Luigi.
"Whoa-a, this is-a weird!" gasped Evil Luigi. "All of a sudden, I-a want to bring about-a all your deaths-a!"
"Anyone-a need to be killed?" asked Evil Mario, who began to laugh.
"You have no idea what kind of world this will be." chuckled Evil Pikachu.
"I remember cheesy writing," remembered Jigglypuff.
"You see?" asked Falco proudly. "Why are we trying to do this again?"
"Excellent point," smiled Ganondorf. "Wolf? Care to tell us all why we're doing this whole rebuilding thing?"
"Look, all of you will soon know what's going on perfectly well," said Wolf patiently.
"W-we don't want to go," mumbled Luigi, taking a stand.
"What?" asked an incredulous Ganondorf.
"What?" asked a timid Jigglypuff.
"WHAT?!" snapped Wolf. "We need you to go!"
"Oh, so you can use us as bait for the big bosses again?" scoffed Falco. "I don't think so."
"It's too dangerous to be out in a wasteland like this alone!" argued Wolf. "Subspace forces could be on you any second! You're all going! Consider that another order from Master Hand!"
"Stop saying that!" shouted Falco. "You're not the boss of us! Master Hand is! And there's no way he'd make us go for the Subspace Army unless we were together with the others again!"
"Master Hand ordered me to attack the Subspace Army with however many damn Smashers I want!" yelled Wolf.
"He never ordered us to do crap," scoffed Falco.
A purple tinge of annoyance briefly flashed across Wolf's face, but he steadied himself and tried to endure whatever else the Smashers had to say.
"W-we never really had a leader like this since Master Hand," admitted Luigi, shuffling his feet nervously. "He never you know, ordered us around...he sort of did stuff at the Mansion as a reward for our efforts in his tournaments..."
"So you're saying you want me to reward you for getting this lame little cargo thing?" asked Wolf incredulously.
"Yes!" snapped Mr. Game and Watch and Falco together; Luigi meekly nodded.
"What do you want?" Wolf sighed resignedly.
At once, Falco and Mr. Game and Watch turned on their heels (which is hard in 2-D) and dragged Luigi off to engage in some secretive murmuring. Mr. Game and Watch flashed a sickly smirk, but it was Falco who began, as the other three struggled to overhear the mutterings.
"Okay guys, I've got three words for ya..."
"Make him build our whole new Mansion by hand! It'd be sweet!"
"...gold encrusted recliners..."
"Y-you two, um, I was hoping for something more serious..."
"Yeah, shut up Falco! We need some damn swords!"
"Um, n-not that either..."
"I don't hear you coming up with anything, Luigi...how about some Playboys and we'll call it even..."
"Come on guys, manual labor and guns! Swords and grunt work!"
"Or, y'know, a few beers..."
After a few more seconds of idiotic whispers, Falco and Luigi and Mr. Game and Watch traipsed a whole five feet back to Wolf and the others.
"Now listen here, Wolf," said Mr. Game and Watch testily. "We had some intense negotiations, but we've figured out what we need you to do for us. Now, you're the honest-to-Sakurai leader of Star Wolf, ain't ya?"
"Yep," replied Wolf. "What do you want me to do?"
Falco and Luigi opened their mouths, but Mr. Game and Watch got there first: "Kick these two out of Star Wolf, will ya? I can't believe Master Hand made Falco their leader!"
"He did?" asked Wolf. "Huh. Strange. Okay, it's a deal."
"What?!" demanded Falco, taken aback.
"That was such a waste, Mr. Game and Watch..." Luigi sighed, gripping his photograph.
"It's been a pleasure to have you on the team," recited Wolf, as if reading from a form. "Star Wolf will surely miss your services. Falco, you are free to return to Star Fox when this is over."
"I didn't have that in mind," smirked Mr. Game and Watch evilly, jerking a thumb at Falco.
Wolf groaned. What idiocy will happen now?, he thought dully. I'd almost rather be back with Porky...
At that point, Wolf looked over Mr. Game and Watch's shoulder (not that hard when the person talking to you has one less dimension than you) and noticed some burning rubble from Porky's chase.
Then again, maybe he has something reasonable to say...
"How about this?" asked Wolf. "Falco can't go back to Star Fox either and he has to start his own Star Falco group with nobody in it?"
"I was thinking about something that can really break his shell of casual indifference!" Mr. Game and Watch grinned. "You know, as well as a few of his bones!"
"The Star Falco group Falco must form isn't a mercenary group, but instead a trash-picking group?" proposed Wolf. "When we're done here, Falco must patrol the streets at night picking up trash with his bare hands, and every time he bends his spine you get to lash him forty times or something like that-I-really-don't-care. Now will you all shut up and help me storm the Subspace base, for the love of-"
Mr. Game and Watch cut him off with a hearty chuckle. "I like your style, buddy!"
"So, Game and Watch," said Falco haughtily. "You decided to agree for us to go on some suicide mission to the Subspace base just because you and Wolf here got to mock me for a few seconds?"
"Yep!" nodded Mr. Game and Watch. "Chin up, jackass! This means the rest of us have motivation to keep you alive! The motivation being your toil and suffering, of course! Every cloud has a silver lining, you know how it goes."
"Yeah, sure, whatever," interrupted Wolf. "But we still have no idea how we can infiltrate the island though."
At last, Jigglypuff spoke up. "Walter?"
Everyone turned to look at her. She blinked slowly, unfocusedly.
"I have an idea!"
"You guys are the ones that live with her," sighed Wolf. "Is there any chance this will be a smart idea?"
"She probably doesn't even have one," shrugged Ganondorf. "Just humor her, what have you got to lose?"
"My life?" asked Wolf, raising an eyebrow.
"That's only if you listen to her," Ganondorf chuckled.
"Okay Jigglypuff, what's your idea?" asked Wolf.
"We walk through the front door!" Jigglypuff grinned. "It's a great idea!"
Wolf looked dumbstruck. Ganondorf, on the other hand, was beside himself with mirth.
"Oh man, I tell you what, Wolf!" chuckled Ganondorf, wiping away tears of laughter. "Sometimes it's adorable, hearing all the crap that comes out of her mouth!"
"No! Give me a chance!" cried Jigglypuff. "We're going to Subspace Land where the Subspace guys are from, aren't we?"
Wolf nodded as the other four looked sceptical.
"And Porky," continued Jigglypuff, proudly pointing at the pink wreckage. "Porky is a member of the Subspace Army! He has the symbol of their newspaper on his robot!"
Wolf's jaw dropped as the other four suddenly looked taken aback.
"So if two of us go in Walter's plane, and four of us take two of these legs each and pretend to be Porky..." mused Jigglypuff, mashing intensely on a calculator. "...that means that the Subspace guys will think Porky beat Walter and he's taking him to the big boss man!"
The other five were completely stunned. Eventually, Wolf spoke up:
"Jigglypuff...that idea actually has...some value..." gasped Wolf, shell-shocked. "I mean, the only problem I can think of is that, um, you guys don't really look like you'd fit together with Porky's parts..."
Jigglypuff paused for a moment and tried to have another idiot savant brainwave.
"We can paint ourselves!" cheered Jigglypuff after a few seconds, pointing at the New Pork Art Store. "This is gonna be fun!"
Jigglypuff pranced off to steal some paint pots from the art store, while the other five exchanged glances that all said the same thing.
Did she just turn smart for a second?
Three hours later, the Wolfen and the remains of Porky had flown neatly into the Isle of the Ancients' front hangar. Enemies were everywhere, and it was more than just Primids. Slowly but surely the Wolfen crept forward, the Smashers in the Porky mech making sure to stay closely behind.
Nobody dared to speak for what seemed like an eternity. 'RESEARCH FACILITY' was stamped across a door at the end of the hangar. ROB drones were entering and exiting doors on all sides in a melancholy march. The Smashers tried not to notice that they all looked so sad about something.
Other enemies, however, looked perfectly fine. Round, colored ball-like creatures were merrily rolling around the floor, regenerating into more and more while some Primids commented on the Bytan regeneration rate. Two more Primids were watching a third get coated with a metallic shield of some sort, and miniature tyre enemies were patrolling the ceilings, occasionally giving off sparks of electricity, embers of flame, or glittering shards of ice.
"Welcome to the Subspace base," whispered Wolf, in awe.
"This plan is never going to work," said Ganondorf's stubbornly muffled voice, hidden away in the back of the Wolfen.
"Just let me handle this, they'll all have been waiting to see me," said Wolf bitterly. He looked back at everyone else, struggling with Porky's parts. "How are you holding up, guys?"
The other four Smashers were all painted pink, and they were trying to arrange themselves into a shape that fit Porky's mech well enough.
"Falco, get off me!" complained Mr. Game and Watch, holding Porky's bottom left legs. "You're too heavy!"
"Fine, just quit pushing me!" argued Falco, balancing Porky's upper left legs.
"P-please keep quiet!" panicked Luigi, Porky's upper right legs slipping in his nervously sweaty grip. "What if they hear us?"
"Okay, who just touched me?" demanded Falco. "That was definitely not Falco-approved!"
"This is fun!" garbled Jigglypuff, Luigi's foot crushing her mouth as she held Porky's bottom right legs.
The semi-human square composed itself and moved Porky's legs in an awkward walk next to the Wolfen, as a simple ROB sentry showed up.
"Ah, Porky!" greeted the ROB sentry, nodding at the mutilated machine. "I see you captured Wolf O'Donnell! And his ship too! Go on and present him to the Overlord, he'll be proud! Maybe he'll end all this world destruction and everything now that he has Master Hand's go-to guy!"
"I'm not afraid of your Overlord!" shouted a defiant Wolf, slightly melodramatically.
"It was horrible!" whined Ganondorf from the Wolfen's corner. "Porky came out of nowhere and killed us all! Wolf and I are the only ones left! Every single other Smash Brother is dead! Looks like your evil plan succeeded after all, Subspace Army! Oh, woe is me!"
"You're a really bad actor," whispered Wolf.
"Porky also killed everyone in the universe!" Ganondorf despaired in a falsetto voice. "It's incredibly tragic!"
"Quiet, scum!" barked the ROB sentry. "Porky, I wouldn't be surprised if you got a promotion for this! Now take these two Smash Brothers out of my inaccurate, robotic sight!"
"I would sooner die than be dragged around by the likes of you," Wolf fakely said to the Smashers pretending to be Porky.
The ROB sentry shot Wolf a dirty glare, and trundled off to wait for another entry to the island.
"Wow, that worked," whistled Ganondorf in admiration.
"That seemed too easy..." Wolf mused. "I have a bad feeling something huge will happen here soon..."
"Wolf, there's nothing to worry about!" laughed Ganondorf. "The robots here are as dumb as anything! You're being too careful about this, there's nothing threatening about this place after all!"
"Well..." considered Wolf. He looked around the base. Two enormous creatures were locked away in what a sign indicated was a 'Towtow pen', peacefully sleeping. An aquarium housed pink fish-like creatures with giant, fierce eyes. There was even a large black ball enemy with a massive pair of scythes.
Nothing was attacking the Wolfen.
"You're probably right," admitted Wolf. "Nothing here's going to attack us. Now let's move quickly, there might be more dangerous enemies ahead."
The Wolfen and 'Porky' awkwardly made their way through the hangar, as a brief flash lit up the entryway. The Smashers rounded a corner and were out of sight.
A ROB sentry, the same one that had greeted Porky, rushed forward to the source of the flash. The ROB eagerly called over a few of its fellow sentries, and they all clapped mechanically at the molecular reappearance of their hero.
"Welcome back, Ancient Minister!" greeted the ROB sentry eagerly. "Did you hear the news? Porky caught Wolf O'Donnell! He brought him here right before you showed up!"
The Ancient Minister said nothing, preferring only to menacingly charge up his Dark Cannon...
Longest chapter ever! So far! (I think...)
Once again, that was fun to write. I hope it was fun to read. Let me know what you think!
(Finally, the Subspace base...over the next few chapters, I finally get to write some of the Wolf arc parts I've been looking forward to writing...)