Appologies for the god awful lack of UD's. There has been a lot of shift in my life recently but things are getting back to normal.
Also, I do plan on having this story completed by May.
Edit: Arrrg - I have been trying to post this since sunday. FF was down
All The lonely people, Where Do They Come From?
BPOV
"So he didn't even ask why you wanted to go out?" Jake asked before he filled his mouth with about half a slice of Pizza.
I shrugged. "No. He was busy, I guess." I gave a tight lipped smile and I knew it was fake and I knew that Jake would see through it.
After Edward had refused to go out, I got changed and left the apartment with only a quick shout to him from the front door that I was going out.
Edward had been sitting at the kitchen table minutes after he was home and I knew I was lost on him to his studying. I knew he had to study. I understood, really I did. But I was beginning to think that maybe all our lust and love had ran out on him. Maybe he didn't want me after all.
Of course, I was never going to tell Jake that one. Instead, he listened to me talk away about the real reason I wanted to celebrate. I knew it was nothing major, nothing that no one else could do. But for me it had been a huge stepping stone. I had signed up and been accepted into community college in Port Anaglies. I was so stoked when I went for my interview and that they told me I was in and that waiting for the letter would be simply a formality.
I told no one about it, about my application in case I was knocked back. I knew that if I had been knocked back that they would have only of worried about me.
I took a bite of my pizza and chewed on it as Jake yapped on about applying to the same college , and that we could drive together. He wanted to be a mechanic and he would be able to learn his trade there. I was so excited if that was the case. He had always planned on applying there anyway.
Edward briefly entered my mind as I felt my self begin to grow full from my dinner. What had he had to eat? I never cooked because I never planned on staying in. And after what had happened, I just needed out of that place and to talk to Jake.
There had been a change. There was no doubt about it, but what had caused it, I didn't know. Edward was more distant. He never spoke quite as much as he used to. We could go for days in happy bliss, him making love to me, but then it would shift and he... he just seemed to disappear. I was sure that he wanted to say something to me, but was to afraid to do so.
Did he want to finish with me? Days were shifting around and it seemed like we were back at the start. More bad days than good. But the thing was, it wasn't only my issues that were coming up.
I didn't really know the issues, myself. Only that there was a growing tension between us. I felt like he wished he had never bothered with me. And if I was honest, I was keeping things back from him, worried that I would become too much for him and he would ask me to leave. I loved him to much to even think of growing a backbone and leaving him. I kind of hated that thought.
"You know, you don't have to go back to the apartment tonight. You could crash at mine or even go to Charlie's." Jake suggested. But I didn't want that.
I didn't want a fight. I didn't even want to talk to Edward, and I don't think that I even wanted to see him for the rest of the evening. But I wasn't staying away from him, avoiding him. It would only cause more tension. We had that by the bucket load already.
"No. I'm going home." I shrugged off. It was my home after all. I had moved in with Edward and we were serious. Seriously ready to fall apart that was.
I shook off the thought and knew we would get through it. It was a bad day for him and well, I got the brunt of it. It was fine. That was what being a couple was all about.
I drove Jacob back home from the diner and I let myself cuddle into his heat as we settled down in his lounge watching some trashy teen movie. It was all that was on television so we left it on. We didn't speak. We just sat there, cuddled in together. It was nice.
Eventually, I made it back to the apartment.
Creeping quietly into through the front door, I tried my hardest to be quiet so not to waken Edward. It was late and I knew he would have been tired.
Making my way to the kitchen for some tea, I was met with Edward sitting at the table, his books sprawled out. Looks like he's still hard at it. I never spoke, I only looked at him and him at me before his eyes dropped back to the pages in front of him.
After a moment he began, "Did you eat?" his voice was scratchy and unusual for Edward. He wasn't angry... honestly, I didn't know how to read him.
"Jake and I went for some pizza and then back to his for a moive." I croaked out, still rooted to the same spot. Edward eyes met mine and he actually rolled them at me.
"Don't roll your eyes at me," I snapped at him instantly as I began to tug off my jacket in haste.
"You expect me to be happy with that, Bella? We fall out and you go running to him. He's already counting the days until I'm out of your life. You don't need to tell him how much of a fuck up I am." He sighed and looked back down to his books, resting his head in his hands.
But that was the way it was meant to be. To talk things through, to be honest with the people around me.
"Jakes not counting anything," I corrected him with that tired sigh.
"Yes he is. He's waiting on me to leave so he can make his move." His eyes met mine once again and they were red and full of tiredness. He needed his bed not an argument.
"Edward, don't be silly," I offhandedly chided him and at my words he jumped from his seat, full of rage.
"No, Bella, I'm not being silly. Don't tell me what I'm feeling. I'm sorry I messed up your night and that I upset you but don't tell me I'm being silly." He pushed forward on his feet and stood in front of me now. His face directly above mine. "Just don't leave me. Not like that. I didn't know where you were." His and delicate fingers wrapped around my wrist and he placed my palm to his mouth and kissed me there before moving it to cup his cheek. His eyes closed and he looked so deflated, so worn out.
He almost wasn't Edward.
I tried to sooth him "I wasn't far away, Edward. And I had my cell on me. You could have called. I wish you had."
He gave a small nod and his eyes screwed shut as he leaned into kiss me chastely. All to soon the kiss was over and he led me to bed where we hugged and finally fell asleep.
I'd like to tell you that everything was all right. That we got through it and lived happily ever after. But we didn't. Not even close.
By the end of the week we were as distant from one another all over again. We passed one another, did those things that make us look like a proper couple. I cooked for him and he kissed me on the lips as a thank you. But all those kisses were small chaste thank you's that never actually meant much. The showed no real love and certainly no passion.
I wanted passion. I wanted Edward and though I felt myself drift further and further away from him, I still tried. Edward didn't. Edward didn't notice much and all he concentrated on was his study, which I knew was important, but then again, so were we.
The next again week came and went and I felt myself slip even further away from Edward.
I had tired to speak to him, to talk through how I was feeling but it never seemed to register with him.
Next week was my mothers birthday, and though I had spent her birthday without her last year, I had also done it completely high and drunk. I wanted it to be different this year. I wanted to really remember her this time.
I left for my appointment with Aro on my own, driving to Seattle. Charlie wasn't even coming these days now. It was all part of the counselling. Now that everything had been squeezed out of me, there were no more secrets to come.
"So, Bella. How are we today?" he asked as I took my seat across from him, his elbow perched on the table with his chin resting in his palm. He always seemed so laid back and relaxed and I think that was why it was so easy to talk to him like I did.
I shot from the hip "Edward and I are falling apart and its my mothers birthday next week and he doesn't even realize this." I wanted to cry at the honesty of my words, but I knew that crying wasn't actually going to accomplish anything. At times it made me feel better... but today wasn't one of those times.
He sat back in his seat and nodded silently as he scribbled down on his jotter. "And have you told Edward that her birthday is coming up?" Actually, I had failed to mention it. I had told him once before when her birthday was. I suppose I was just hoping that he would remember it.
I shook my head , telling him no.
"And why not? Do you think Edward is telepathic, that he can read minds?" A smirk played on Aro's lips and I could see my stupidity instantly. Edward had been busy with study, it wasn't surprising that he couldn't remember.
I shook my head again, telling him no as I bit my lip. I felt stupid.
"So... why do you expect him to know?" he prodded.
"I... I guess because I told him a couple of months ago, and that I hoped he would have remembered. I mean it is important to me." I knew when Alice and Emmett's birthdays were. Esme and Carlisle too. Why couldn't he remember when my mothers birthday was? Was it too much to ask?
Aros brow furrowed forward as he spoke "Bella, I know Edward well, hell, I know men well enough to say that some times that things just slip our minds. Especially when we have a lot going on. Do you think that you may be over reacting just a little?"
I wasn't over reacting was I? "Am I?" I asked him, shocked.
"Can I ask you what percentage Edward got on his last assessment?" He quipped back.
Shit. What did he get for his last assessment? I didn't know. I hadn't even asked. I just felt so annoyed at being ignored that I didn't even ask. "I don't know." I shamefully admitted.
"Bella, I can't be here to work through your relationship issues. You are annoyed at Edward for not paying enough attention to the things that are important, yet you are doing the same thing to him. You have difficulties, I understand that. But the both of you need to start communicating again. You are blaming him for working too hard or studying too much every other week that you come in here and I'm not here to listen to that. Speak with Edward. Do something together. You both need to work on this.
Saying that though, I am here for you and I want to focus on your mothers birthday. What do you plan on doing that day? Anything special planned?" I sat there gob smacked at his rant. I didn't just come here to talk about Edward did I?
I shook my head, answering him, "No." I let out meekly.
"Is there anything you want to do, to mark her birthday? Maybe you could talk to Edward about it and plan something together. Perhaps even with your father too. I'm sure the date means something to him as well." I like the idea of doing something with both of them to remember her birthday. It didn't have to be something grand, just something small. Maybe a special diner.
For the rest of the session we spoke about my mom. It felt good to talk about her. After getting back on my feet, and being cautious not to slip, I had focused on myself a lot. My daily life was feeling normal. Boring somewhat, but still normal all the same. The only thing that seemed to pull me down was Edward and his lack of communication.
"Bella. Are you here?" Edward's voice called from the front door at the back of six in the evening.
In the kitchen I plated up diner and I called back through to him. "In here." I had made a start on diner as soon as I got in and made Edward's favourite. Taking on Aros words, I could see he was right. What was I trying to do to Edward? Test him? He had enough tests going on in his life at the moment, he didn't need me playing games with him as well. I knew the date would mean something to him simply because it meant something to me. But to want him to remember after flippantly mentioning it in conversation, it was a little too much to ask.
Edward came to me with a small smile on his face. He was tired, but he was still Edward and I could see that he still cared for me, despite all the difficulty we seemed to tend to have. His lips met mine and the chaste kiss lasted only a moment but I couldn't care. His eyes were glowing at the food that I had sat on he table and I knew he was hungry.
"You made my favourite," his smile growing only a little as he sat down and I let my fingers run through his hair for a short second before I took my seat beside him.
"Well... I thought you deserved a treat," I winked at him and squeezed his hand "And...and things, you know, they are – have been – a little tense." I shrugged.
At my words I could see his shoulders tense and his back straighten. He looked like was on the defence. Ready for some kind of attack. It wasn't an attack. It was just merely an observation.
His green eyes shaded with some kind of hurt and I tensed up myself, worried for his reaction. He didn't speak, so I did. "I mean... you know what I mean, Edward. Things have been a little different lately. You just stopped talking to me."
I wasn't sure if he was struggling with our relationship, with work or what. All I knew was he was keeping quiet so not to hurt me. But he was hurting me by keeping me locked out after I had opened up my whole world to him. I kept on talking "Like today when I spoke to Aro I was telling him that I was waiting for you to remember my mom's birthday-"
"It's on Wednesday. I know." he jumped in catching me off guard. He had remembered. Why hadn't he mentioned it? "I didn't know if you wanted to do something for it... so I was just waiting for you to come to me." He shrugged gently as he picked up at his fork and concentrated on the meal in front of him.
"You remembered?" I asked, not actually meaning the words to slip from my mouth. His eyes flickered back to me briefly and he looked hurt still. He only shrugged in response.
"Well," I tried to start again "I wanted for you to come to me and say. But I thought you had forgot," His eyes flicker to mine once again before they land on his fork that goes straight to him mouth. "And I wasn't going to say anything. I just... Edward, I was looking for you to come and speak to me. About anything." he rested his fork against the plate and swallowed his food down.
"I'm here, Bella. Just talk to me. What do you want to know?" His face was so expressionless now I didn't know what to think. Was I over reacting again.
"What parentage did you get on your last assessment?" I eyed him warily.
He shook his head. "It doesn't matter," he let out so nonchalantly.
Now I really wanted to know. "You asked what I wanted to know. I want to know what you got on your assessment. It slipped my mind to ask and I'm sorry, but I really want to know."
He sighed and rubbed at the top of the bridge of his noes "Twelve percent, okay."
"Twelve percent?" I asked completely dumbstruck. "Twelve percent?" I ask rhetorically again.
"Yeah..." he let out tiredly with a sigh.
"But you're smart. Like, really smart, Edward. How is that possible. You have been studying so hard." My heart actually broke for him. "Will they kick you out?" I asked because I needed to know.
"Not right now, now if I manage to get back on track." When was he off the track? I knew I had been a distraction to him. More than anyone should have to handle, let alone when they were going though a medical intern-ship.
Looking back into his eyes, he was exhausted. He was exhausted with study, with me and with all the pressure I had unintentionally inflicted upon him.
He gave a small nod but nothing that reassured me. So I went to him. I got up from my seat and pushed my way on to his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck like I felt like I was losing him.
I kissed his temple and for a moment I he let him self go and I could feel his death grip surround me too. His face was buried in my chest and I let him rest there, stroking his cheek with the pad of my thumb.
The next thing I knew, he had stood up and I had wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me through to the bedroom.
It was slow, tense and my heart felt like it was burning inside. I wanted him so badly. Not just in bed, but with me, forever.
I never wanted to be anywhere but by his side. Even the pain that had consumed me before I had met him was never going to be enough for me to attempt to leave him.
He wanted me and I wanted him. It seemed so simple, despite our difficulties.
He kissed me gently as he slowly undressed me. I fought with the buttons on his shirt and the buckle on his belt, but we got there.
Standing in one another's arms, completely naked, all we could do was grasp at the other. Gentle desperation. Silently pleading for the other never to leave.
I never would leave. All I wanted to know why was Edward drifting away from me when it still seemed like he loved me.
He bent at the knees, taking grip of my left leg and wrapping it around his middle. Instinctively, I wrapped the other around him too as I felt his hands on my back, pulling me into him as he lowered us down to the bed.
His body pressed into me and my legs turned to vices as I locked him in my hold.
Threading my fingers through his hair, I tugged on it gently. Our kisses were slow and deep and some other feeling washed over me as his hand cupped the back of my neck, deepening the kiss once again.
I was scared. It felt so tender, so sweet. Too tender, too sweet.
The last time we had made love it had almost been mechanical. It was a fix for our frustration. But this was another level. It seemed as if I could cry at any moment with his touch and the look that I knew he carried in his eyes. I let a small tear escape but I was sure it went by unnoticed.
We spent the rest of the night in bed. We reheat the food and sneaked below the covers, enjoying one another company, completely.
I lay in his arms with his snaked around my waist and it felt bliss. He was relaxed and that saddening look from his eye was lost.
My head rested in the crook of his his arm and I could smell his sent from his arm pit. Oddly enough he smelled great. Perfect for it being an under arm.
I laughed at the stupid thought and he asked me what I was laughing at. "You," I replied sweetly "You smell great, even your under arm...after a hard days work. How is that possible?"
He laughed lightly and shrugged as he pulled me in even closer to him. His finger tips ran through the ends of my hair that rested on my breast and I loved it. I loved that he would touch me like that. For it to be a sweet gesture rather than gratification.
This was love and any other man that had came before him was simply a mistake. Even Jacob.
Edward looked down at me as he buttoned up his clean shirt. His lips carried a small grin across them and he just looked divine.
He was getting ready for work and I was going to be running late if I never moved. But I couldn't care in this moment. I had got up early and since his diner last nigh had to be reheat, I made it up to him with is favourite breakfast. Pancakes.
Once we had ate and Edward headed for the shower, I climbed back into bed to smell Edward on the covers as I waited. The shower was now free but I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he got dressed.
"You're going to be late," he reminded me with that smile still on his lips.
I shrugged "I don't care," I cooed back "You're only jealous that I'm still in bed and you are about to head to work right now."
He laughed and agreed.
As he fastened up the buckle on his trousers, he leaned down to kiss me. I reached up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, subsequently pulling him back into the bed with me.
"No games, Swan. I can't be late." I knew he was on a fine line at work with his results of his assessment, even if he wouldn't actually tell me himself.
He was happier today. It was good to see.
I wondered if he would ever tell me what was wrong. I knew something was wrong, but that he just wouldn't admit to it.
Still I took it for what it was today. "I know, I know," I told him as I let go of his neck, releasing him. He stood up and fixed him self up, ready for the day ahead.
I followed him as walked to the front door and kissed his lips before he could leave. He threw his backpack over his shoulder before pulling me into him, hugging me and kissing my cheek then my fore head.
"See you tonight, gorgeous." He winked with a smile and he left me standing at the door, my eyes following him down the stairs of the apartment.
If I knew then that was the last time we would be happy like that, I would have remembered every single detail.
I remembered his smile and his warm lips on my forehead and I only wish I took a moment to savour the sensation on my skin for a moment longer instead of rushing off to the shower and leaving the happiness behind.
Please, leave some love. It's mucho appreciated.