Lawli: -sigh- Another late update. Seriously I don't know why it takes me so long. I won't even bother apologizing, you've all probably come to expect it by now! BUT the important thing is, at least I am updating, right? I just hope the chapter is worth it for you all. I'm rather fond of it... but I might just be biased. ^^
I almost gave you chapter eleven again on accident. For some reason kept uploading the docmuent wrong.. o.O I have no idea how, but it only kept uploading chapter eleven. Good thing I checked before I hitted 'submit'.. I may have had a few angry readers if I submitted it like that.
BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS STORY HAS REACHED 300 REVIEWS! 8D It's so exciting! I've never gotten so many reviews on a story before, so I can't even begin to express how happy this makes me! SO A BIG THANK-YOU TO EVERYONE REVIEWING! If I could I'd give you SuzaxLulu plushies or doujinshies or something. -hearts-
BTW also wanted to say thanks to Cottoncandycosmo who recc'd the series 'Rust Blasters' to me! I haven't gotten far into it yet but I LOVE IT so far! 8D Anything with vampires makes me happy, plus the art is so good. 8)
...Oh you want a chapter now?
Fine, I guess you've waited long enough.
THANKS TO...terracannon876, RangerInBlack, 6-The-Cloaked-Nocturne-9, animehamster, Crispy Rice, DrewMayShipper, Serena The Hikari of Love, MizuiroSnow, bLaCkxxxRoS3, Suffocated Entity, icarus923, Diana Prince, Midoribon, DarkBombayAngel, mochiusagi, Zakksu, Shinigami966890, lilyrose225, HarukaSakuke, Arkaham, SendMeAGiftBasketOrElse, Hot-Emo-Athiest, BloodLustPhyco, gali-o-, Millicent, cottoncandycosmo, ToSet, J Plash, jarnee337, slivblue, MeEksiNs, riceandXDs, Zenndra, mikoofdoom, Not Yet Knowing, moneymakestheworldgoround... FOR REVIEWING!
CHAPTER WARNING: Boys in dresses! Boys kissing boys, oh my!
The Charlatans of Circumstance
-Chapter Twelve-
They took the limousine into town, and almost the entire ride Suzaku pestered Lelouch for information. Lelouch remained silent, an enigmatic, tight-lipped smile on his face as refused to even hint at where in town they were headed. He'd already given the clue that their trip had something to do with Kaguya, so that narrowed the options down quite a bit, the most obvious presumption being that it was medically-related.
...Unless Lelouch was trying to throw him for a loop, and it wasn't really anything like what Suzaku was thinking? What if it wasn't about Kaguya at all, and Lelouch only said it was because he knew Suzaku could never refuse anything regarding his cousin?
It was low, but Suzaku couldn't consider Lelouch above such methods. Lelouch had blackmailed Suzaku into acting the role of a woman, and he was the one putting on a show and lying to his entire family about being engaged. (And there were also the strange feelings Suzaku had as of late; Lelouch was responsible for those too, without a doubt, because it certainly couldn't be by any fault of Suzaku's own that even now just a look across the limousine from the other male caused his heart to flutter...) Stringing Suzaku along would be nothing to a person like that.
"Is something wrong?"
Suzaku flushed, realizing he must have been glaring rather fiercely at Lelouch and now feeling guilty about it. Blackmail and weird feelings aside, Lelouch really hadn't given Suzaku any reason to doubt him – about this trip or anything else. Shaking his head, Suzaku glanced out the window, embarrassed by the childish and petty thoughts he'd been entertaining. He began playing idly with the gold 'engagement' ring on his left hand as Lelouch leaned back in his chair, obviously unsatisfied with Suzaku's response but not about to pester him further given how unresponsive he himself was being to the other's many inquiries.
"We're almost there," he assured, lavender eyes focusing on the ring.
Sensing his gaze lingering, Suzaku turned his head back towards Lelouch, briefly ceasing his twisting of the ring around his finger – thinking it must have bothered the other male to see his jewelry mistreated. When Lelouch did not look away, however, Suzaku frowned. "What?" he asked, a huffy edge to his voice that he wasn't proud of.
Nodding at the ring, Lelouch replied simply; "it doesn't suit you."
Suzaku spread the fingers of his left hand out into a fan. The small diamond in the center of the ring glittered up at him. It was a plain ring, the band devoid of any designs that were all the modern rage, and suitable for hands bigger than his own (strange, he hadn't thought Lelouch's were).
"I-I think it's fine," he said, immediately getting on the defensive and earning a chuckle from Lelouch, who leaned forward, pulling Suzaku's hand closer to better observe the ring.
"I didn't mean it as an insult," he replied, covering Suzaku's hand with his own. Unbidden, Suzaku felt a blush rise to his cheeks. "I just think you should have something... nicer." He raised his eyes, locking them on Suzaku's and, for a moment, Suzaku forgot how to breathe. What was Lelouch saying?
"W-well," Suzaku stammered, wrenching his hand away, unable to hold Lelouch's gaze any longer. He hated feeling this way – like some... some love-struck idiot! What was Lelouch doing to him? "Well it's your own fault! You gave me the ugly thing!"
The words burst out before he even had a chance of stopping them; for some reason, when it came to Lelouch, Suzaku could never keep a level head. A majority of their conversations descended into snippy arguments within a matter of moments, Suzaku finding Lelouch insufferably arrogant and inscrutable, which made proper communication between them impossible. He never knew what Lelouch was thinking, or what he even wanted from him, and it was so, so... infuriating!
And yet... even when they fought and Suzaku was angry with him – like now – he still...
"Did you... want to dance?"
With a sigh Lelouch sat back, increasing the distance Suzaku insisted lay between them. "I suppose you're right."
Suzaku now felt a trifle more at ease with Lelouch's heart-stopping eyes out of sight. Now if only he could get Lelouch to stop saying things that made his breath catch, he might survive this car ride. He tried to calm down, clear his mind. "Now you know not to be such a cheapskate with your next fiancé," he said matter-of-factly, adjusting the chiffon skirt of his dress and attempting to ignore the dread-filled chill that passed over him the moment the words escaped him.
Lelouch's voice was full of that same, cold trepidation as he echoed, "next...?"
Why was it so hard to say? ...To even think it...
Suzaku knew none of this was real – that it couldn't be real. They both knew, and they both knew it had to come to an end in the near future. Afterward, they would each go on with their lives. Lelouch would eventually truly fall in love and get married, and maybe, hopefully – hopefully (right? He shouldn't be saddened by this) – Suzaku would too, and yet...
And yet...
Suzaku couldn't stand the idea, for some reason.
So he pushed it from his mind.
"The car's stopped!" he pointed out, falling into the carefree act of Suzako and feeling much more secure there now than he had the past few days.
Suzako had a place to belong – it was at Lelouch's side.
And Suzaku wanted to stay there, just a little while longer.
... Maybe Sayoko was right; he didn't want this to end. Not really.
Just a little while longer.
None of Suzaku's qualms were justified.
The man Lelouch introduced him to was Lloyd Asplund – a Britannian doctor who had spent the greater part of his residency in Japan and, despite his apparent genius was ill-regarded because of it.
Still, he had an office of his own – and it was bright and tidy and in a decent part of town, which was more than Suzaku could say for Dr. Bradley; and, on top of that, he was very willing to meet Lelouch's fiancée, an Eleven! He grinned as he examined Suzaku, grey-blue eyes twinkling behind his spectacles as he leaned forward in his chair and thoroughly surprised Suzaku by calling him by a name he hadn't heard in a while.
"Suzaku Kururugi!"
Suzaku started, astonished that the man knew who he was and absolutely mortified to be seen in a dress by someone (besides Lelouch or Kaguya or C.C.) aware of his true gender. He shot a questioning glance in Lelouch's direction but Lelouch refused to make eye contact; they hadn't really said much to each other since the awkwardly failed conversation in the limousine, but Suzaku had hoped Lelouch would come around – he needed answers, after all! Did Lelouch tell Lloyd Asplund who he really was, or was Suzaku supposed to recognize him from somewhere? Horrified, he wondered if he'd stolen from the man in the past; but pick-pocketing was hardly a habit (the instance with Lelouch didn't count) and Suzaku would remember that oddly colored hair anywhere.
Dr. Asplund giggled. "Don't be so alarmed, Kururugi-kun," he said, stressing the Japanese formality. Suzaku blinked, yet again taken aback by the use of his native language (even if it was mockery of sorts). "Your lover over there has told me all about you, and your... unique situation."
Flushing, Suzaku curled his fingers into the material of his skirt and glared at Lelouch. How embarrassing; he couldn't believe Lelouch would actually reveal so much to this man.
...But then, hadn't he been wishing for a little honesty? It got so tiresome acting as Suzako around everyone... he should feel grateful for this small opportunity to be himself. It just would have been nice if Lelouch told him about it in advance.
"Even if he didn't," Dr. Asplund continued, rising from his desk chair and approaching the two young men, "I think I would recognize you just about anywhere, Kururugi-kun... despite having seen you last over ten years ago. Your face used to be all over the news... 'Genbu Kururugi's son, still missing...'"
At the mention of his father's name, Suzaku froze, emerald eyes widening as his mind replayed the image of the Kururugi shrine burning to the ground.
"Suzaku, get out of here!"
"Otou-sama!"
"I never would have thought I'd see you here!" The doctor sounded positively delighted by the ironic discovery.
Gunfire, smoke... Kaguya crying and his aunt leading him by the hand, away from it all.
"Stay close, Suzaku. Don't look back, Suzaku."
A hand settled on his arm and Suzaku jumped, spinning around and finding his vision filled by concerned amethyst eyes. Lelouch stood in front of him, lips curled downwards in a typical frown, not out of annoyance or general apathy. Suzaku wouldn't have considered it possible before, but Lelouch looked genuinely worried about him.
Worried and... curious. It dawned on Suzaku that Lelouch had no idea whatsoever who he really was – the son of Japan's last Prime Minister; not that such a status meant anything now, when Japan no longer existed and Numbers were the lowest on the political food chain, but it was just another reminder that they knew so very little about each other, and it hurt almost as much as the memory of the day he'd been forced to leave his homeland.
Lelouch's hand moved, slipping around Suzaku's back as if he wanted to pull him closer and Suzaku didn't resist, needing the comfort the warmth of Lelouch's eyes and hands offered.
"Lloyd!"
A woman had entered the room, a disapproving expression on her face as she crossed over to the doctor. By the time she reached him Lelouch had already pulled away from Suzaku, much to the latter's disappointment.
"I apologize for my colleague's lack of common sense," she said, glaring at Dr. Asplund who disregarded her presence entirely. With a sigh she turned her focus to the other two men in the room, scowl morphing into a kindhearted smile as she extended a hand towards Lelouch and Suzaku. "I'm Cécile Croomy."
Suzaku shook her hand while Lelouch merely nodded in greeting. "We spoke earlier."
"Yes, we did. It's a pleasure to finally meet you both. Lloyd and I are happy to be able to help your cousin, Suzaku."
Suzaku wondered if he was hearing things correctly. These people were really... going to treat Kaguya? Just like that? It seemed too... simple. He'd searched everywhere in hopes of finding a more respectable doctor for his cousin, but no established Britannian medic wanted to go near an Eleven – it would taint their reputation. So why would these people..? He couldn't understand such kindness.
"A human being is a human being, Britannian or otherwise," Cécile replied when Suzaku voiced his suspicion. "While we realize the class system here in Britannia, we would never refuse someone in need of our assistance just because of their race."
Lloyd let out another small giggle. "But also~ ...I do owe your dear fiancé a favor or two. He funded some research of mine in the past~."
"O-oh..."
Cécile rolled her eyes. "That isn't to say we wouldn't treat her anyways."
It did make a difference, though. None of them had to say it for Suzaku to realize; it meant they weren't doing this purely out of the goodness of their hearts. It meant they might still be unwilling, but Lelouch had something to hold over their heads.
Which made Suzaku wonder why Lelouch was bothering to do this for him; why go out of his way to find a new doctor for Kaguya? It wasn't his problem; he didn't need to agonize over Suzaku's troubles.
The question must have been written all over his face.
"It's because I want to," Lelouch said, and that look was in his eyes again – the one of concern and of... something else, something Suzaku vaguely recalled seeing before (maybe the night prior, when they kissed, but he couldn't exactly remember...). "Kaguya told me about the man treating her right now, Luciano Bradley. The same man we met yesterday at the restaurant." He crossed his arms over his chest, expression turning sour. "I don't want her in the care of someone like that."
"L-Lelouch..."
Suzaku didn't know what to say. He had no idea Lelouch worried about Kaguya like that, that he actually cared about the doctors he saw. She... they... were both nothing to him, after all, right? Just two people he needed to keep around for a while, until he was finished with his little charade and ready to throw them out of his life again and move on. Why go to such extremes to help them?
Lelouch took a step closer to him, taking his hand. "I know you doubt me. Doubt... this, Dr. Asplund and Dr. Croomy, but please try to believe that I'm not doing this to gain anything."
"Then why..?" Suzaku hated to ask – hated to sound so distrusting in front of these people who so far had shown him nothing but kindness and compassion towards Kaguya. He stared down at his and Lelouch's adjoined hands.
Lelouch stared, too, squeezing his fingers against Suzaku's tightly. "I have a younger sister. Nunnally. She's... not in the best health, either. So I know what it's like... to worry all the time, to want to provide for her."
The rest of the answer Suzaku found in Lelouch's amethyst eyes: And I don't want you to worry anymore; I want to provide for you.
He was speechless.
Suzaku was kissing him before the door to the limousine was even fully closed.
The entire meeting with the two doctors, he'd attempted brainstorming ways he could thank Lelouch for doing something like this for him and Kaguya, and he couldn't think of anything. The words he came up with were too cliché, even to his own ears, and he knew he wouldn't have the gall to say any of them to Lelouch when the time came. Kissing was just as embarrassing, maybe even more so, but... anything else just didn't seem like enough. Nothing would ever be enough to express the depth of his gratitude, of course, but this was more personal – more than just a simple "thanks".
And maybe... just maybe... Suzaku wanted to kiss him.
Just maybe he'd been thinking about it since Lelouch tried to comfort him in the doctor's office, before Cécile interrupted (or even before, ever since he remembered that he and Lelouch had kissed the night of their 'date').
It caught Lelouch completely off guard and he fell back against the leather bench where Suzaku pushed him, unresponsive as his mind worked to register what was going on. He was laying on his back, Suzaku managing to straddle him on the narrow seat, their lips fused together in a kiss that was a little shy and needy but also aggressive in it's own way, overflowing with the appreciation Suzaku wanted to show him. In this position, the chiffon skirt rode up past Suzaku's knees, and even farther up in the back; it was almost like a dream, the lightly tanned skin begging to be touched.
Coming to, Lelouch wound his arms around Suzaku's waist, arching his neck and pressing into the kiss, groaning softly as he felt the moisture of Suzaku's tongue running along his bottom lip.
"Lelouch," Suzaku whispered against his mouth, bringing one of his hands to cup an aristocratic cheek, fingers brushing aside rebellious strands of black hair. He kissed him again and marveled at how good it felt to do it, to feel those lips moving against his own and even to feel the other's body so close. Vaguely Suzaku noted his foolish actions, all of which he would more than likely regret later, but right now he wanted nothing more than this closeness (no, this closeness wasn't even enough – he wanted more than this; he wanted to give Lelouch more than just this, although he wasn't quite sure how).
Lelouch's hips lifted off the seat, making delicious contact with Suzaku's that sparked an unexpected, fierce heat in Suzaku's groin. With the sudden pleasure came the realization of just what he was doing and who he was doing it with, hitting him with the blunt force of a moving vehicle.
Dear God, what was he doing? What was he thinking? Wanting more – wanting to be closer to Lelouch... This was so, completely wrong on a multitude of levels!
Suzaku pulled away, horrified by his own thoughts and actions, cheeks aflame as he attempted to distance himself from Lelouch as quickly as possible. If he could he would have bolted from the limousine, but with it already in motion the most Suzaku could do was scramble to the opposite side of the bench – or try to. Lelouch sat up and grabbed hold of his arm before he got the chance to actually move very far.
"Suza—"
"I'm sorry!" Suzaku cut him off, voice jumping an octave so it resembled the tone he adopted when speaking as Suzako. He pulled against Lelouch's grip, but either Lelouch was stronger than he imagined or he his attempt to break free was merely halfhearted. "I'm sorry, I just..."
A surprisingly powerful tug from Lelouch and Suzaku found himself almost in the other man's lap. The blush on his face darkened and his gaze flitted about the limousine, Suzaku determined to look at anything but Lelouch's face that was once again too close to his own for comfort. A shiver coursed down his spine as he felt warm breath ghost across his neck; Lelouch's eyes were boring into him but Suzaku refused to make contact.
Don't look at me like that...
"Just..."
It was Lelouch who kissed him this time around, softly and reassuringly, his hands on either side of Suzaku's face. Suzaku fell still almost instantly, emitting a faint, keening sound from the back of his throat as Lelouch massaged his lips in a quite persuasive manner. One of the hands dared travel lower, carefully threading through the silky fibers of Suzaku's wig, skimming down his spine until it rested comfortably on the small of his back.
Don't touch me like this...
Lelouch's tongue swept across Suzaku's bottom lip, and Suzaku responded without thinking, granting Lelouch entrance into his mouth as he wound trembling arms around his neck.
You're driving me crazy.
He closed his eyes, giving in.
Everyone noticed the difference.
While the couple had become known for being reserved in public, displaying as little affection in front of others as possible, in the course of one day it became custom to see them gazing affectionately at one another, sneaking kisses and not-entirely-proper touches even if aware they had an audience. No-one could tell the cause, but everyone could see that Lelouch and Suzaku had changed, and they were eager to learn why.
"So..?"
Kaguya sat at the foot of her bed, watching her cousin pour over a book of wedding dresses Euphemia presented him with upon their return home the evening before. She had been expecting Suzaku to just toss the thing in the trash the second he got up to his bedroom, but to her complete surprise he was actually studying the pages, circling item numbers he liked. He'd never taken the Suzako-charade so completely seriously. She was about to question his sanity, but she had her suspicions about the grounds for her male (last time she checked) cousin to act so peculiarly.
When Suzaku didn't answer, only dog-eared the page of another dress he liked, Kaguya rolled her eyes and began to cough loudly.
That made him start, nervous green eyes darting towards her. "Kaguya! Are you okay? Do you need some water?" He was already standing up, walking purposefully towards the door but Kaguya shook her head.
"No, I'm fine. Just wanted to get your attention. You're really... into that book." She gestured to the bridal pamphlet.
Flustered, Suzaku averted his gaze. "Marianne told me she scheduled a fitting for tomorrow morning. I just wanted to see what's out there. There are so many choices, I'm already lost. I won't even know where to start tomorrow."
A perfectly logical point. A bride should be well-educated on all aspects of her upcoming wedding; doing a bit of research on dresses was perfectly understandable. Except for one tiny detail...
"Suzaku, you're not really getting married."
Cheeks reddening, Suzaku began to play with his nightdress's skirt, a habit he'd adopted since the first day he'd been forced into female clothing. "I- I know that!" he sputtered out, and Kaguya almost felt bad for bursting his bubble. "It's just that Lelouch hasn't given me any indication as to when we're... breaking up... or whatever is going to happen to us. So for now I have to keep in-character. Most women would be thrilled to do this kind of thing."
A sigh escaped Kaguya's lips as she watched Suzaku close the book and push it to the far corner of the dresser. "So... you and Lelouch..." Suzaku smiled at just the sound of his name; it made Kaguya want to laugh. He was so obvious about it, even when he cleared his throat and pretended not to know what she was talking about when she proceeded to ask what was going on between the two of them. "Well, before we arrived I do recall you saying you never even wanted to think about the mere possibility of having to kiss him. But I've walked in on you snogging at least twice today." She looked up at him expectantly. "It makes me wonder why the sudden change of heart."
Suzaku twirled a lock of his wig around his left index finger, avoiding her probing stare. He and Lelouch hadn't exactly been discreet about their affection, lately; they'd had quite a few heated exchanges in plain view of family members – at the time it hardly fazed them. But he hadn't considered Kaguya would call him on it. To be honest, he had no idea how to answer her; he didn't even know himself why he now viewed Lelouch in an entirely different light, why he couldn't stand to be in the same room without touching him somehow. Lelouch was still his insufferable, egotistical self, but it was different now; Suzaku found himself not caring so long as Lelouch kissed him.
"It's... it's complicated, Kaguya," he replied, placing a hand over his mouth and joining her on the bed.
Kaguya fell backwards, cradling her head in her hands. Her voice was quiet, more serious when she spoke next. "Do you love him?"
Suzaku fish-mouthed, not having a sure response. Did he love Lelouch? He certainly liked Lelouch, and right now he could without doubt admit that he was attracted to Lelouch, but love... Love was another matter altogether.
"I don't know, Kaguya."
"Does he love you?"
She was like a child in her insatiable curiosity. Suzaku held back a groan, growing less and less comfortable by the second. "I don't know..." What would he do if Lelouch said those words to him? He'd never even thought about it, it seemed so unfeasible.
"...Have you slept with him?"
"Kaguya!" Suzaku shrilled; mortified his younger cousin would even ask something so inappropriate. He jumped from the bed, pulling the comforter up and tossing it over her. "It's bed time for little girls now!"
She giggled, amused by his reaction and tempted to further harass him by inquiring if he wanted to sleep with Lelouch. She spared him the humiliation, however, settling underneath the blankets with a self-satisfied grin. "And big girls?" she couldn't help but tease; "what time is it for big girls, Suzako?"
Suzaku ignored her to the best of his ability. "Goodnight, Kaguya."
Her laughter continued, even after he exited the bedroom.
Their conversation stayed with him as he made his way to his own room.
Love...
The mere word stirred butterflies in the pit of his stomach, as if he were a young schoolgirl, and he would have loved nothing more than to just push the subject aside. He would have loved to be able to give Kaguya an answer to the question – and have it be a definitive no.
But he wasn't so sure anymore. He didn't know what his feelings for Lelouch were – only that they were there, and wouldn't be going away any time soon.
"Suzako."
Lelouch was waiting outside his bedroom door, hands buried in the pockets of his black dress slacks. Suzaku's heart thudded loudly in his chest as he took in his dashing appearance.
"I was just saying goodnight to Kaguya," he said, fully aware he had no reason to explain himself to Lelouch, but finding the need to do so regardless. "Are you going to bed?"
Lelouch nodded, straightening his posture. "Your appointment is pretty early tomorrow morning. You should get some rest too."
It was true, but sleep was hardly on Suzaku's agenda right now. He had too many things to sort out to even consider going to bed.
By this point Lelouch had opened the door to his room and hovered on the threshold, eyeing Suzaku curiously. "Is something wrong?"
It was the one thing Suzaku wasn't prepared to answer. He hesitated, his hand resting on the knob of his own bedroom door. Lelouch's gaze drifted to it and then traced a line back up to Suzaku's eyes, to the crease between his brows. He pushed door open a tad wider, stepping aside to allow entrance for one other.
"Did you want to come in?"
Lawli: YES I WILL LEAVE IT THERE. Muahaha. :B
At least there was yaoi?
...Please review? :D